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Dare to Discipline
Advises parents to reject the permissive approach to raising children and advocates a program that combines love and discipline
Paperback
First published November 30, 1969
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2017 people want to read
About the author
James C. Dobson
253 books373 followersA licensed psychologist and marriage, family, and child counselor, Dr. James Dobson was a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. For 14 years Dr. Dobson was an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine, and he served for 17 years on the attending staff of Children's Hospital Los Angeles in the Division of Child Development and Medical Genetics. He earned a Ph.D. from the University of Southern California (1967) in the field of child development.
He was the author of more than 50 books, including The New Dare to Discipline, The New Strong-Willed Child, When God Doesn't Make Sense, Night Light: A Devotional for Couples, Bringing Up Boys, and the New York Times bestseller Bringing Up Girls .
Heavily involved in influencing governmental policies related to the family, Dr. Dobson was appointed by President Ronald Reagan to the National Advisory Commission to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. He also served on the Attorney General's Advisory Board on Missing and Exploited Children, the Department of Health and Human Services' Panel on Teen Pregnancy Prevention, and the Commission on Child and Family Welfare. He was elected in 2008 to the National Radio Hall of Fame, and in 2009 received the Ronald Reagan Lifetime Achievement Award.
He was the author of more than 50 books, including The New Dare to Discipline, The New Strong-Willed Child, When God Doesn't Make Sense, Night Light: A Devotional for Couples, Bringing Up Boys, and the New York Times bestseller Bringing Up Girls .
Heavily involved in influencing governmental policies related to the family, Dr. Dobson was appointed by President Ronald Reagan to the National Advisory Commission to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. He also served on the Attorney General's Advisory Board on Missing and Exploited Children, the Department of Health and Human Services' Panel on Teen Pregnancy Prevention, and the Commission on Child and Family Welfare. He was elected in 2008 to the National Radio Hall of Fame, and in 2009 received the Ronald Reagan Lifetime Achievement Award.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 213 reviews
October 1, 2010
This book did more damage for my family than I care to illuminate.
March 6, 2019
This booked fucked me up as a child, and continues to screw with my ability to be loving and nurturing to my own children as an adult. If you need fresh ideas and support for helping children learn healthy limits without physically abusing them or extinguishing their humanity, I highly recommend "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen" by Joanna Faber and Julie King.
March 24, 2011
Interesting but most of this approach is way too strict in my opinion. And listen, you don't often hear me say that. There were some ideas that I agree with or at least can look at them as food for thought. I read this book at the same time I read Cesar Milan's book on training puppies - and I have to say if you compare the two/ or if you followed each approach/ "Dare to Disc." with the kids and Cesar's approach with the dog - I believe the dog would be the one living the better life.
March 5, 2013
This is a tough book to review. The first 4 chapters are about disciplining your child, with a strong emphasis on spanking. My husband & I choose not to spank. Especially after reading the excellent parenting books, The Five Love Languages of Children and Personality Plus for Parents, I believe that spanking isn't a good way to discipline, and there are even some children who would be damaged emotionally by it. I just tried to replace "spanking" with "timeouts" in my head. The next section covered education, which I believe is primarily the parents' responsibility, so I enjoyed that. Even there, he is a little old fashioned and seems to believe that sitting still and memorizing rote facts is beneficial. And parts of that section were dry. But there was a lot of good stuff in there, too. The last section was about morality, and I appreciated that section. At the end of the book, he gives another good dose of spanking advice, and even seems to give the impression that if you are a good Christian parent, you must spank your children. I don't believe it. I just wish he offered more creative and appropriate ways of disciplining young children. He manages to come up with creative ideas for teenagers (he doesn't believe in spanking them). So, if you can get past all the spanking propaganda, you can find some good advice in this book.
July 16, 2010
This book was my introduction to Dr. Dobson. Read between 1977 and 1979, when our older son was three to five years old. It seemed to radical then; today it must seem antediluvian. But it rings true, and it works.
There's no magic formula for anything involving human beings, but it was a helpful starting point; certainly better than much of the claptrap being foisted on parents then and now.
There's no magic formula for anything involving human beings, but it was a helpful starting point; certainly better than much of the claptrap being foisted on parents then and now.
January 31, 2017
I hope the updated version is better, but I had to read the older version for research. Normally, I probably wouldn't have read a book like this, and I must say - it is awful. Am I able to give it no stars? Because that's what this book deserves.
Not only do I fundamentally disagree with Dobson's outlook, but he just doesn't do a good job of making his case. His formula goes something like this: make a declarative statement, throw out some anecdotal information to support it, and conclude the chapter stating something like "I have just proven..." with great confidence. He doesn't offer much evidence at all to support his claims, which is an important thing to consider. His entire theory is hedged on his own intuition and experience (and misinterpretation of Scripture). The closest he gets is claiming that according to the FBI, teens today (in the 70s) are more violent than ever - but he doesn't actually provide the source. For example, he starts chapter III by stating that "it should now be apparent to everyone that we are in the midst of a very serious worldwide revolution. This cataclysmic social upheaval is being ignited and fueled by the young - the students - the 'under thirty' populace. . . . these antagonists are united in their opposition to one common target: authority in all its forms"(98). He makes these claims but doesn't provide evidence, presumably because his audience will agree with him. And they likely may; however, he fails to consider any possible reasons for civil disobedience - or anything short of submitting to all authority at all times - other than the idea that these young people haven't been disciplined enough. Then, later, he claims "having established the importance of discipline in education"...but again, he offered no evidence for his claim other than his own opinions and experiences.
His language is also troubling. He paints children to be "adversaries" of their parents...often ascribing evil intent to children for things that children do because they are young and curious and still learning about the world. Discipline becomes a war between parent and child, child and teacher, etc. Parents are “victims of emotional blackmail” (28), "harassed" (31) by their children, who "cold-bloodedly" (29) challenge them. He says from time to time that parents shouldn't beat their children *too* harshly, but then he uses words like "thrashings" (60) to describe them.
He also notes that corporal punishment is important because pain is a great teacher, using the example of a hot stove: a child touches it, is burned, and knows to keep away. But he doesn't seem to consider what happens to the child if the source of pain is supposedly a trusted and loving one.
I realize this was written in a different time, so I hope that his updated version is better. Maybe it's just verbal discipline and strict rules? I don't know. I suspect spanking is still a part of it, and knowing what I know of Dobson, I'm sure his patriarchal views don't change much, if at all, in the updated version. Oh, right, that's the other thing - he's clearly writing to "mom" most of the time because it is unfair to wait to discipline the child until “poor, tired dad has come home.” (I won't even go into the other patriarchal stuff he says.)
Major medical associations recommend against spanking (much less anything more severe). I hope people will heed their words with more respect and attention than they give to Dobson's.
Not only do I fundamentally disagree with Dobson's outlook, but he just doesn't do a good job of making his case. His formula goes something like this: make a declarative statement, throw out some anecdotal information to support it, and conclude the chapter stating something like "I have just proven..." with great confidence. He doesn't offer much evidence at all to support his claims, which is an important thing to consider. His entire theory is hedged on his own intuition and experience (and misinterpretation of Scripture). The closest he gets is claiming that according to the FBI, teens today (in the 70s) are more violent than ever - but he doesn't actually provide the source. For example, he starts chapter III by stating that "it should now be apparent to everyone that we are in the midst of a very serious worldwide revolution. This cataclysmic social upheaval is being ignited and fueled by the young - the students - the 'under thirty' populace. . . . these antagonists are united in their opposition to one common target: authority in all its forms"(98). He makes these claims but doesn't provide evidence, presumably because his audience will agree with him. And they likely may; however, he fails to consider any possible reasons for civil disobedience - or anything short of submitting to all authority at all times - other than the idea that these young people haven't been disciplined enough. Then, later, he claims "having established the importance of discipline in education"...but again, he offered no evidence for his claim other than his own opinions and experiences.
His language is also troubling. He paints children to be "adversaries" of their parents...often ascribing evil intent to children for things that children do because they are young and curious and still learning about the world. Discipline becomes a war between parent and child, child and teacher, etc. Parents are “victims of emotional blackmail” (28), "harassed" (31) by their children, who "cold-bloodedly" (29) challenge them. He says from time to time that parents shouldn't beat their children *too* harshly, but then he uses words like "thrashings" (60) to describe them.
He also notes that corporal punishment is important because pain is a great teacher, using the example of a hot stove: a child touches it, is burned, and knows to keep away. But he doesn't seem to consider what happens to the child if the source of pain is supposedly a trusted and loving one.
I realize this was written in a different time, so I hope that his updated version is better. Maybe it's just verbal discipline and strict rules? I don't know. I suspect spanking is still a part of it, and knowing what I know of Dobson, I'm sure his patriarchal views don't change much, if at all, in the updated version. Oh, right, that's the other thing - he's clearly writing to "mom" most of the time because it is unfair to wait to discipline the child until “poor, tired dad has come home.” (I won't even go into the other patriarchal stuff he says.)
Major medical associations recommend against spanking (much less anything more severe). I hope people will heed their words with more respect and attention than they give to Dobson's.
February 12, 2008
Another in the fundie classics...odious, abusive
August 31, 2009
I agreed with alot of what Dobson says regarding discipline - be consistent, reward good behavior, and make your child understand that you dislike their behavior, not THEM, when you DO discipline them. You're not doing them a favor by allowing them free reign. And THANK HEAVENS for a solid stance on morality too!
I also appreciated his thoughts on teachers. Coming from a family of teachers, I've seen firsthand the stressful problems they have to deal with now - not just teaching students, but basically becoming their parents also. Parents can't leave the disciplining to teachers!
I also appreciated his thoughts on teachers. Coming from a family of teachers, I've seen firsthand the stressful problems they have to deal with now - not just teaching students, but basically becoming their parents also. Parents can't leave the disciplining to teachers!
April 2, 2009
Pretty common-sense advice, such as:
-be consistent
-don't give in to whining
-follow through with consequences the first time a child disobeys instead of nagging
etc.
I think you would read this same (good) advice in any child-rearing book, but this was presented in a disturbingly Dobsony way.
My very favorite part of the book was when Dobson was listing all the horrible things teens were into in the 70s such as drug usage and vandalism, and he included "civil disobedience" in the list! Oh, those horrible, undisciplined teens who go to sit-ins and non-violent protests! Oh, the horror! : ) Like I said, disturbingly Dobsony. Also, amusingly un-P.C. by today's standards.
-be consistent
-don't give in to whining
-follow through with consequences the first time a child disobeys instead of nagging
etc.
I think you would read this same (good) advice in any child-rearing book, but this was presented in a disturbingly Dobsony way.
My very favorite part of the book was when Dobson was listing all the horrible things teens were into in the 70s such as drug usage and vandalism, and he included "civil disobedience" in the list! Oh, those horrible, undisciplined teens who go to sit-ins and non-violent protests! Oh, the horror! : ) Like I said, disturbingly Dobsony. Also, amusingly un-P.C. by today's standards.
July 2, 2020
This book teaches to use spanking, even though there is virtually unanimous conclusion from research that spanking leads to increased anxiety disorders, depression, drug use, delinquency, and more, and lower self-esteem, happiness, etc. All of what you don't want, and less of what you want.
He misses the big picture that parenting is about developing character, not just getting unwavering obedience from kids.
Children are God's children and thus are people who are free to act, rather than to be acted upon. This means that though we dont let them act in ways that will hurt them or others, and while we do still teach them to honor and obey their parents, there are other and much better, healthier ways to do so.
Read Unconditional Parenting to learn how to parent the Christ-like way that develops good character and develops a child who can solve problems, respect you in front of and even behind your back, be kind to others simply because it makes them happy, and does not cause mental illness and all the other things no one wants.
He misses the big picture that parenting is about developing character, not just getting unwavering obedience from kids.
Children are God's children and thus are people who are free to act, rather than to be acted upon. This means that though we dont let them act in ways that will hurt them or others, and while we do still teach them to honor and obey their parents, there are other and much better, healthier ways to do so.
Read Unconditional Parenting to learn how to parent the Christ-like way that develops good character and develops a child who can solve problems, respect you in front of and even behind your back, be kind to others simply because it makes them happy, and does not cause mental illness and all the other things no one wants.
August 5, 2012
I started to read this and got about 80 pages in or so and decided to not complete it. I was very disappointed in this book and felt like Dr. Dobson approached child rearing in a philosphical way instead of a biblical way. Very seldomnly did he refer to the Bible and God's viewpoint and occassionally referred to "mother nature" and things like that. There are so many philosophies out there on what is the right way to raise a child and I have prayed for my mind to be clear and free from finding a philosphy that fits our family but rather that God would lead me to wisdom from His Word period and I did not feel like this book was in line with that!
March 15, 2012
aka How to abuse your children and get away with it.
April 19, 2024
I have not read this book recently, but my father did. He was led to believe that corporal punishment is the way to go by “leaders” such as this guy. Please don’t subject your children to this.
March 18, 2009
Of all the hard-core discipline books from evangelicalism, this one's actually one of the more reasonable. And I'm not a big Dobson fan. The standard elements of such books are here, but he's presenting it for a purely secular audience (the Scripture is all in the back in an appendix).
It's funny to read his diatribe against the youth culture of the 60s -- that under-30 set -- when he's only 34 when he wrote the book!! :p It's also funny to read his harangue against the 1950s as the beginning of all evil, when I'm pretty sure now he idolizes the 1950s as the perfection.
Ah . . . but who remembers such things? History is such a bore!
It's funny to read his diatribe against the youth culture of the 60s -- that under-30 set -- when he's only 34 when he wrote the book!! :p It's also funny to read his harangue against the 1950s as the beginning of all evil, when I'm pretty sure now he idolizes the 1950s as the perfection.
Ah . . . but who remembers such things? History is such a bore!
January 24, 2018
To be clear, I hate read this book. Also James Dobson is clearly a kinky MF masquerading as a child/adolescent expert, which is scary (this is coming from a not-super-vanilla human).
Part of it makes sense to me--Kids need and want boundaries and structure, most kids can be reasoned with unless they're clearly doing what they're doing to challenge authority in which case it's important to establish authority, kids should be taught to respect others and they should be respected as humans, and above all love is the most important thing. I was on board with all of that, for the whole 20 pages that it lasted, and that was after 40 pages of me wanting to constantly throw the book across the restaurant I was in.
And then he talks about spanking and it gets really fucking weird. Also I couldn't get myself to read any of the last chapter about sex education and morality because that was also too weird for me to handle. The section on education & classroom management was painful, the section on "obstacles to learning" was one of the dumbest things I've ever read.
Part of it makes sense to me--Kids need and want boundaries and structure, most kids can be reasoned with unless they're clearly doing what they're doing to challenge authority in which case it's important to establish authority, kids should be taught to respect others and they should be respected as humans, and above all love is the most important thing. I was on board with all of that, for the whole 20 pages that it lasted, and that was after 40 pages of me wanting to constantly throw the book across the restaurant I was in.
And then he talks about spanking and it gets really fucking weird. Also I couldn't get myself to read any of the last chapter about sex education and morality because that was also too weird for me to handle. The section on education & classroom management was painful, the section on "obstacles to learning" was one of the dumbest things I've ever read.
November 14, 2018
What an excellent book! I was raised under the principles taught in this book and am so thankful to have an updated edition to study and grow in as I begin to raise my own children. Dobson focuses in on the heart issues in raising a child and struggles that a sinful nature in both the parent and child will create. Through the appropriate use of discipline it is possible to shape your child's understanding of the world around them to give them the tools to properly honor God and their parents as they grow. I especially appreciated his discussion on the proper use of positive reinforcement as an encouragement in training your child how to behave. I know the corporal punishment is often the main focus of this book but the reinforcement is also a key part. I highly recommend this book to young parents searching for help on how to raise their children. Do not look down on the age of the book. Some principles are timeless and "Dare to Discipline" is one of them!
April 6, 2008
DTD was written during a time when parents erred on the side of being too lax. homes typically lacked much of any discipline, so dobson did a great service by balancing things out and calling on parents to set limits. i've seen many, however, misuse its message as an excuse for being too harsh and too physical in their discipline, which is why i gave it 2 stars. i still think it is a good book for those who tend to be too lax, however.
March 10, 2022
“Although no child with severe autism has been successfully transformed into a normal individual, the use of reinforcement therapy did bring some of these patients to a state of civilized behavior.”
I’ve never wanted to burn a book before this.
I’ve never wanted to burn a book before this.
July 2, 2009
filled with psycho-babble. not a very good book.
May 26, 2022
Book should be re-named "dare to beat". It is illegal to hit an adult, and should be illegal to hit a kid. Writer comes across as a sociopath, under the guise of religion.
February 12, 2015
Love Dobson and Focus on the Family. Now that I'm a mom, I find myself leaning on them more and more for practical Christian advice and support.
This book talks about why discipline is important - something often overlooked in modern society. My 18-month old is getting to the age of willful disobedience, so this book was so helpful! It discussed effective ways to discipline in different ages and situations, including spanking. It was so wonderful to have practical, supportive information in this area. There are right and wrong ways to spank, but this knowledge has been lost in a society afraid to openly discuss corporal punishment. I am so glad to have the knowledge captured in this book.
It was also written in an easy style. I found myself falling into it. And, I read most of the book in one day.
Note: Dobson does discuss corporal punishment point-blank towards the beginning of the book and does not pull any punches. He does not use soft or vague words and discusses things very specifically. It was a little hard to read (thinking about applying it to my beloved child!), although I totally understand why the information was included and think it is necessary information for parents to have.
This book talks about why discipline is important - something often overlooked in modern society. My 18-month old is getting to the age of willful disobedience, so this book was so helpful! It discussed effective ways to discipline in different ages and situations, including spanking. It was so wonderful to have practical, supportive information in this area. There are right and wrong ways to spank, but this knowledge has been lost in a society afraid to openly discuss corporal punishment. I am so glad to have the knowledge captured in this book.
It was also written in an easy style. I found myself falling into it. And, I read most of the book in one day.
Note: Dobson does discuss corporal punishment point-blank towards the beginning of the book and does not pull any punches. He does not use soft or vague words and discusses things very specifically. It was a little hard to read (thinking about applying it to my beloved child!), although I totally understand why the information was included and think it is necessary information for parents to have.
June 1, 2007
The best thing about this book is that it reminds you to be consistent in your parenting. It isn't all about corporal punishment, though it does advocate that as a method of discipline for the worst of offenses. Instead, it tells you to tailor the discipline to the offense and the child, and reminds you to make sure to be in tune with your children to make sure that the actions your punishing are actual rebellion and not just tiredness, over-stimulation or even sickness. The book also advocates positive reinforcement as a method of getting your children to do what you want them to do. The only problem with the book is that it doesn't delve into other types of effective discipline. The book is full of common sense advice and I recommend it to every parent.
January 3, 2021
Read it a long time ago. What I remember: Hit your children when they misbehave.
December 16, 2023
Dobson classic on balancing love and discipline in child rearing.
February 8, 2014
Great book, but in need of another update. (The "New" Dare to Discipline was published in 1995 ... now nearly 20 years old. Yes, hard to believe, but 1995 was almost 20 years ago.) You have to be willing to ignore or look past some of the things that reflect the way things were in the 80's and 90's. Things have changed since then, and so have both children and their parents.
Since I have young kids, the first half of the book was the most insightful for me. (The 2nd half of the book deals with raising school-aged children, talking mainly about issues kids face with learning at school and also sexual education / morality.)
Best principles for me?
(1) Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If you give your kids instruction, and they don't listen -- back up your words with actions (not more words, warnings, etc.). He suggests parents get extremely creative about the actions they use to back up their words. This has already inspired us to stop giving endless warnings to the kids ... but instead to calmly back up our words with action-based discipline that results in the appropriate level of discomfort to the kids (with the objective of helping them remember -- next time -- to listen and obey).
(2) There is a difference between immaturity and disrespect. When a child shows disrespect or issues a direct challenge to parental authority (as opposed to just forgetfulness, inattentiveness, lack of self-discipline, etc.), Dobson suggests dealing with it in a decisive manner.
That helps me a lot ... when my kids are showing immaturity, my objective is to teach them and coach them to maturity. When they show disrespect and challenge for our authority, that calls for a completely different kind of discipline that demands their respect and obedience.
(3) Dobson believes in rewarding kids as they learn and mature (through praise and through tangible rewards), and he has lots of great ideas for how to do it effectively. He suggests kids learn to earn money and privileges by showing responsibility in the home.
(4) Dobson reminds parents to shower their kids with love, create an environment of light-heartedness mixed with good humor, and spend lots of time enjoying them and encouraging them. He does a great job showing the balance between love and discipline.
Overall, 3 stars ... would be 4 stars if it were updated, for example, with advice to parents raising kids in today's post-Christian social environment, or how to manage the challenges created by today's world of smart phones, tablets, social networking, etc.
Since I have young kids, the first half of the book was the most insightful for me. (The 2nd half of the book deals with raising school-aged children, talking mainly about issues kids face with learning at school and also sexual education / morality.)
Best principles for me?
(1) Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If you give your kids instruction, and they don't listen -- back up your words with actions (not more words, warnings, etc.). He suggests parents get extremely creative about the actions they use to back up their words. This has already inspired us to stop giving endless warnings to the kids ... but instead to calmly back up our words with action-based discipline that results in the appropriate level of discomfort to the kids (with the objective of helping them remember -- next time -- to listen and obey).
(2) There is a difference between immaturity and disrespect. When a child shows disrespect or issues a direct challenge to parental authority (as opposed to just forgetfulness, inattentiveness, lack of self-discipline, etc.), Dobson suggests dealing with it in a decisive manner.
That helps me a lot ... when my kids are showing immaturity, my objective is to teach them and coach them to maturity. When they show disrespect and challenge for our authority, that calls for a completely different kind of discipline that demands their respect and obedience.
(3) Dobson believes in rewarding kids as they learn and mature (through praise and through tangible rewards), and he has lots of great ideas for how to do it effectively. He suggests kids learn to earn money and privileges by showing responsibility in the home.
(4) Dobson reminds parents to shower their kids with love, create an environment of light-heartedness mixed with good humor, and spend lots of time enjoying them and encouraging them. He does a great job showing the balance between love and discipline.
Overall, 3 stars ... would be 4 stars if it were updated, for example, with advice to parents raising kids in today's post-Christian social environment, or how to manage the challenges created by today's world of smart phones, tablets, social networking, etc.
September 2, 2015
I have a feeling that many people who will read this book, or more than likely, never read this book, believe that this book is primarily about spanking your children. They would probably believe Dobson's methods or ideas are out of touch and/or just wrong. Honestly, I haven't made up my mind about spanking yet, but I do know that his book is less about spanking and more about consistent discipline that is done with love and authority, one that will hopefully provide great, healthy boundaries for your children and respect for their parents. You could probably omit the word spanking or things of that nature and still find great benefit from this book. While he seems to be dismissive of some behavioral psychologists early in the book, his methods of reward and punishment borrow heavily from their tradition. And I would say he emphasizes reward more over punishment. Some parenting books I've read give ambiguous guidance and insight into how to be a loving parent, but no real tips or tricks. This book actually provides nice charts and methods to use for chores and other things like that. Now, my main criticism of Dobson is when he turns into the old man on the front porch, railing against the way society is today. He can be very political and terminology for people and certain ideas are often cringeworthy. I could have done without his lectures on the evils of "safe sex" education in the schools or his thoughts on communism. Overall, I think we will be keeping this book around. As I said, I don't agree with everything he says, but if I can't think of any books I've read recently where I've agreed with everything they advocate.
September 30, 2024
Yup, it's a classic for a reason. Great book!
September 4, 2025
dare to say this was good?
discipline over punishment. discipline is directed towards the wrong action, punishment is directed at the person (discipline bc you did XYZ, punish bc you are XYZ)
general concept is that you discipline young and early to establish clear boundaries which ultimately results in “freer” and “happier” children who know who’s in charge and where the fences are. then once kids are older, you can move into different styles of discipline that grows with the maturity of the child.
can see how misapplication of these principles could have detrimental impact (addressed in Q&A portion of audiobook), but overall seemed helpful if applied consistently and in a loving home. howard hendricks says you don’t have a right to discipline your children if you don’t play with them.
discipline over punishment. discipline is directed towards the wrong action, punishment is directed at the person (discipline bc you did XYZ, punish bc you are XYZ)
general concept is that you discipline young and early to establish clear boundaries which ultimately results in “freer” and “happier” children who know who’s in charge and where the fences are. then once kids are older, you can move into different styles of discipline that grows with the maturity of the child.
can see how misapplication of these principles could have detrimental impact (addressed in Q&A portion of audiobook), but overall seemed helpful if applied consistently and in a loving home. howard hendricks says you don’t have a right to discipline your children if you don’t play with them.
February 11, 2017
I debated on whether or not to give this three or four stars. I think many assume this book is all about spanking your children, but it really comes down to knowing when it is appropriate to discipline your child, and that it is absolutely essential. I like that he points out that either extreme doesn't work – you can't simply be harsh and critical and discipline your child all the time, but you also can't give into their every whim and let them run all over you. Both are unhealthy for your child, and will give you less than desirable results. This book teaches that there is a healthy balance – with every bit of discipline, there needs to be an outpouring of love and affection as well. He also points out that children WANT discipline- they want to know where the boundaries are. He shares several specific stories that contrast what happens when discipline is used, and when discipline is not. And just to be clear- discipline does not just mean corporal punishment or spanking- it is using an appropriate consequence to ensure that a child will respect and listen to his parents. He even points out that each child is different, and if a spanking is not going to teach a child, it shouldn't be used. In this book, Dr. Dobson also addresses education and the decrease in morals in our society, both of which were interesting to read. Overall, I feel this was a very helpful book – as a previous special education teacher, and a current parent, it is helpful to remember that both discipline and love have a place and that they work together, not exclusively. The things I didn't like about this book – I really wish he had listed more specific examples. Most parents reaching for this book are probably needing some help with a child of their own ;-), and I wish there had been more ideas listed specifically on how to handle situations where a child is being disrespectful or disobedient. Obviously it would be impossible to address everything because each circumstance is unique, but a list of several examples would've been helpful just to get the gears going. The other thing I didn't love about this book – there were several grammatical and spelling errors that I feel were just a simple matter of someone not proofreading very well. They weren't too bad, but it happens frequently enough for it to become a bit annoying.
February 19, 2012
Although still gestating at this moment, the aspect of bearing children that frightens me the most is not the physical abuse pregnancy inflicts on my body, not the pain of labor, but the fact that I'm going to have to discipline my child. I was never good at it as a baby-sitter or Sunday school teacher, and I know that i'm not going to magically acquire the skills to discipline my children just because they happen to enter the world and be mine.
I highly recommend this book - the first half was a super quick read for me, and I feel like I learned so much from it. The second half deals a little more heavily with discipline (or lack thereof) within the school system, and I found it to be a little dry. However, I still recommend that parents and educators alike read this book and glean from it the wisdom that Dr. Dobson has acquired in his many years as a therapist and parent. This book will continue to serve as a reference to us in the years to come, and I imagine it to become a dog-eared, well-worn book on the shelf.
I highly recommend this book - the first half was a super quick read for me, and I feel like I learned so much from it. The second half deals a little more heavily with discipline (or lack thereof) within the school system, and I found it to be a little dry. However, I still recommend that parents and educators alike read this book and glean from it the wisdom that Dr. Dobson has acquired in his many years as a therapist and parent. This book will continue to serve as a reference to us in the years to come, and I imagine it to become a dog-eared, well-worn book on the shelf.
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