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The Traveling Dildo Salesman
Ralph was a traveling dildo salesman. His selection was vast, and all models were stamped MADE IN HEAVEN.
Under the watchful glare of a giant eyeball in the sky, Ralph walks door to door selling dildos. He doesn't know why he sells dildos, but he does know that with each house, and each strange customer, he moves closer to solving the mystery of the eternal dildo curse.
A nightmare comedy about destiny, faith, and sex toys, The Traveling Dildo Salesman is another classic from Kevin L. Donihe, the Wonderland Award-winning author of House of Houses and Night of the Assholes.
This edition also features Donihe's most lurid and infamous short stories: Milky Agitation, Two-Way Santa, The Helen Mower, Living Room Zombies, and Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag.
Under the watchful glare of a giant eyeball in the sky, Ralph walks door to door selling dildos. He doesn't know why he sells dildos, but he does know that with each house, and each strange customer, he moves closer to solving the mystery of the eternal dildo curse.
A nightmare comedy about destiny, faith, and sex toys, The Traveling Dildo Salesman is another classic from Kevin L. Donihe, the Wonderland Award-winning author of House of Houses and Night of the Assholes.
This edition also features Donihe's most lurid and infamous short stories: Milky Agitation, Two-Way Santa, The Helen Mower, Living Room Zombies, and Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag.
- GenresBizarro FictionHorror
94 pages, Paperback
First published June 27, 2011
5 people are currently reading
313 people want to read
About the author
Kevin L. Donihe
43 books99 followersKevin L. Donihe is one of the originators of the Bizarro Fiction literary movement. He is the author of the Wonderland Award-winning novels HOUSE OF HOUSES and SPACE WALRUS, among other books published by seminal Bizarro publisher Eraserhead Press. He was also the editor of the horror anthology series BARE BONE for Raw Dog Screaming Press. His work has appeared in THE MAMMOTH BOOK OF LEGAL THRILLERS and John Skipp's PSYCHOS: SERIAL KILLERS, DEPRAVED MADMEN, AND THE CRIMINALLY INSANE. Hailing from the mountains of Tennessee, he now lives in Astoria, OR.
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
August 8, 2019
A tale about propaganda, aimless compliance and deceitful repetition. And cranky, colorful dildos. One of them is dead. Other entertaining and completely bizarre stories are also included, none of which are intended for the faint of heart or mind. I leave you with this word of advice. If your milk attempts to reason with you, don't drink it. Just don't.
May 28, 2024
The Traveling Dildo Salesman is highly philosophical as it's a criticism of the useless beliefs and goals religions dictate to us and the propaganda you're expected to believe if you listen to them.
The eponymous short story takes up more than half of the book, and it's undoubtedly the most important one in this collection.
The other stories were really Bizarro: gross and provocative.
The eponymous short story takes up more than half of the book, and it's undoubtedly the most important one in this collection.
The other stories were really Bizarro: gross and provocative.
July 23, 2011
Kevin Donihe's was one of the first and still one of the best writers in the Bizarro genre. As Lionel Richie would say, "he's once, twice, three times Bizarro". And new Donihe is good news. Always. This book is no exception. The title story is Donihe at his best, telling a tale of a man thrust into circumstances he does not understand, seeking understanding and joy amidst perversion and nonsense. You wouldn't think you'd be able to identify so much with a guy with a briefcase full of...merchandise. A moving satire on capitalism, purpose and the American dream as we know it. And the other stories are great company for it. The Helenmower is old school Cronenberg with a healthy dose of heart. Milky Agitation is a funny, satisfying bit. Living Room Zombies starts off silly and builds meaning and a sense of dread. The stories are all lively and fun. The one disappointment about this book was Two Way Santa, previously seen in Christmas on Crack. But, I think I would have liked this story better had I not read some of Kevin's other work. My expectations for a Donihe story were high and that one didn't meet it. Still, more than worth it. The book is dirt cheap and more fun than a briefcase of...merchandise. Who doesn't like merchandise?
December 3, 2011
A Fun, Twisted Ride Through a Perverse, Corrupt World.
Ralph is a door to door salesman with a briefcase full of sentient dildos. Stuck in a world corrupt with endless streets and houses, he survives by living off the promise (and hope)that once he has sold all the dildos in his briefcase, he will be able to leave and not have to sell the things. This is Ralph's dream as he rarely gets a break, and the only bus around town won’t let him on board.
What follows is an interesting cast of potential customers, failed getaways, and a giant eye in the sky that always watches Ralph while he tries to succeed in selling all his dildos. Which is something he has to do. There simply is no other way out.
What I liked best about this book is that not only is it really fun and hilarious, but Ralph and his determination to escape, his highs and lows within this journey, was really interesting to read. This sort of makes light of what I felt was the ultimate message, that it doesn’t matter how hard you struggle, you’re stuck where you are in life. Only those who fight hard can find a way out of their mundane, non-special consumerist lives. The deck is stacked against you, just as it is against Ralph, and I think that there is a very real meaning here. An important message about capitalism that people aught to recognize and look at. Study and dwell on.
Attached to this book are four short stories. The first one, Milky Agitation, didn’t really make an impression on me. If you feel the same way, do not let that deter you, because following are three strokes of genius that had me feeling disturbed even though I laughed, or simply whispered, "What the hell?"
Which is the best kind of story.
Get this book. I highly recommend it.
Ralph is a door to door salesman with a briefcase full of sentient dildos. Stuck in a world corrupt with endless streets and houses, he survives by living off the promise (and hope)that once he has sold all the dildos in his briefcase, he will be able to leave and not have to sell the things. This is Ralph's dream as he rarely gets a break, and the only bus around town won’t let him on board.
What follows is an interesting cast of potential customers, failed getaways, and a giant eye in the sky that always watches Ralph while he tries to succeed in selling all his dildos. Which is something he has to do. There simply is no other way out.
What I liked best about this book is that not only is it really fun and hilarious, but Ralph and his determination to escape, his highs and lows within this journey, was really interesting to read. This sort of makes light of what I felt was the ultimate message, that it doesn’t matter how hard you struggle, you’re stuck where you are in life. Only those who fight hard can find a way out of their mundane, non-special consumerist lives. The deck is stacked against you, just as it is against Ralph, and I think that there is a very real meaning here. An important message about capitalism that people aught to recognize and look at. Study and dwell on.
Attached to this book are four short stories. The first one, Milky Agitation, didn’t really make an impression on me. If you feel the same way, do not let that deter you, because following are three strokes of genius that had me feeling disturbed even though I laughed, or simply whispered, "What the hell?"
Which is the best kind of story.
Get this book. I highly recommend it.
January 3, 2012
It's Kevin Donihe, folks. Some people go to church, but I read Kevin L. Donihe for religious fulfillment. I encourage you to do the same. Read these stories and change your life TODAY!
May 22, 2012
If there's one thing I love, it's a good Bizarro read. When I picked up a copy of Donihe's book, I wasn't sure what to expect, having never read any of his work. I will say this: very few literary works cause me to laugh, cringe, and, most importantly, wonder, as much as The Traveling Dildo Salesman. Donihe explores the nature of life in this text by asking the essential question: "What the hell is the point of it all?" In true Bizarro fashion, Donihe weaves fantastic, horrifying, grotesque, and undeniably charming stories across a short length, easily readable in one sitting.
"The Traveling Dildo Salesman" - the book's title and lead short story - is one of my most favorite Bizarro short stories. My concept of an ideal story is one that makes you not only deeply feel, but one that you can sit and intellectually chew upon afterwards. The story revolves around the woeful Ralph, a traveling dildo salesman, who, "coincidentally," has the worst job in the universe. He is constantly seeking to escape his fate, hoping that the signs and signals he senses from "the great unknown" will lead him out of his occupation.
Prior to reading this book, I had just finished - coincidentally - Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth (which I feel should be read as a companion piece to "The Traveling Dildo Salesman"). I was blown away when I realized that Donihe was taking the concept of the heroic quest and turning it on its head for a modern audience. At one point, the idea is even mentioned by one of Donihe's characters: "... Continue your endless journey... It's the quest that's noble, not the outcome." This is Donihe creating an original Bizarro myth, and it is truly excellent: hilarious, subtle in its vulgarity, and downright mad.
"Milky Agitation" was initially a miss for me, but became special. The very short work is about a man arguing with a glass of milk. At first, the work felt odd in its placement after reading "The Traveling Dildo Salesman". However, once I started thinking about this short story in relation to the other pieces, it fell into place for me: being milk is a shitty job; all you can expect in your short life is to be consumed.
In "Two-Way Santa," a man, disappointed with his life, takes homeless people to his house in an attempt to rekindle the innocence he lost as a child. One evening, he discovers a man dressed as Santa Claus in an alleyway, so he decides to take him home for a good night's sleep and a bottle of whiskey. Little does he know what is in store for him.... I will never think of Old Saint Nick the same way ever again. Donihe once again explores the concept of purposeless lives and dull sexuality with a unique twist; I can honestly say the imagery evoked in this text is both hysterical and "ho-ho-hoooooo-rrible."
Reading "The Helen Mower" was uncomfortable for me, primarily for its inhumanity. One can never guess when Bizarro literature will rattle our insides, but this did precisely that. Without ruining the debauchery, I will simply say that it is an interesting read.
"Living Room Zombies" was a little bland for me, even if it continued the interesting themes of disengaging from the "unmagical real world." Essentially, two men are sitting in their living room, getting high with a bunch of zombies, and watching the end of the world on television. I suppose what I find to be most interesting is that Donihe changes the typical zombie to be impassive and clinging to the fringes of their former existences, as though they were undead undead. This serves as a decent metaphor for individuals caught in the daily nine-to-five grind. All-in-all, it was just "okay".
The final short work, "Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag" is an absolute riot. You can certainly assume what this story will be about by its title alone. I will say no more.
All-in-all, I was extremely impressed by Donihe. This is the first book I've ever read by the author and, no doubt, I will read more by him in the future. If anything, I will probably hold on to this book and read it over and over again. The themes are just too good to let sit and collect dust on my shelf.
"The Traveling Dildo Salesman" - the book's title and lead short story - is one of my most favorite Bizarro short stories. My concept of an ideal story is one that makes you not only deeply feel, but one that you can sit and intellectually chew upon afterwards. The story revolves around the woeful Ralph, a traveling dildo salesman, who, "coincidentally," has the worst job in the universe. He is constantly seeking to escape his fate, hoping that the signs and signals he senses from "the great unknown" will lead him out of his occupation.
Prior to reading this book, I had just finished - coincidentally - Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth (which I feel should be read as a companion piece to "The Traveling Dildo Salesman"). I was blown away when I realized that Donihe was taking the concept of the heroic quest and turning it on its head for a modern audience. At one point, the idea is even mentioned by one of Donihe's characters: "... Continue your endless journey... It's the quest that's noble, not the outcome." This is Donihe creating an original Bizarro myth, and it is truly excellent: hilarious, subtle in its vulgarity, and downright mad.
"Milky Agitation" was initially a miss for me, but became special. The very short work is about a man arguing with a glass of milk. At first, the work felt odd in its placement after reading "The Traveling Dildo Salesman". However, once I started thinking about this short story in relation to the other pieces, it fell into place for me: being milk is a shitty job; all you can expect in your short life is to be consumed.
In "Two-Way Santa," a man, disappointed with his life, takes homeless people to his house in an attempt to rekindle the innocence he lost as a child. One evening, he discovers a man dressed as Santa Claus in an alleyway, so he decides to take him home for a good night's sleep and a bottle of whiskey. Little does he know what is in store for him.... I will never think of Old Saint Nick the same way ever again. Donihe once again explores the concept of purposeless lives and dull sexuality with a unique twist; I can honestly say the imagery evoked in this text is both hysterical and "ho-ho-hoooooo-rrible."
Reading "The Helen Mower" was uncomfortable for me, primarily for its inhumanity. One can never guess when Bizarro literature will rattle our insides, but this did precisely that. Without ruining the debauchery, I will simply say that it is an interesting read.
"Living Room Zombies" was a little bland for me, even if it continued the interesting themes of disengaging from the "unmagical real world." Essentially, two men are sitting in their living room, getting high with a bunch of zombies, and watching the end of the world on television. I suppose what I find to be most interesting is that Donihe changes the typical zombie to be impassive and clinging to the fringes of their former existences, as though they were undead undead. This serves as a decent metaphor for individuals caught in the daily nine-to-five grind. All-in-all, it was just "okay".
The final short work, "Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag" is an absolute riot. You can certainly assume what this story will be about by its title alone. I will say no more.
All-in-all, I was extremely impressed by Donihe. This is the first book I've ever read by the author and, no doubt, I will read more by him in the future. If anything, I will probably hold on to this book and read it over and over again. The themes are just too good to let sit and collect dust on my shelf.
December 3, 2013
The title of this short story/novella collection will certainly cause a few giggles and quite possibly a few dirty looks but fans of bizarro fiction are used to that. What matters here are the stories. Sure, title will catch your eye but what happens if the stories suck?
Leading off the collection is the Traveling Dildo Salesman which is certainly a bizarro story but one with a message and I'm sure everyone has their own opinion on where these salesman actually are. It's an interesting story that raises some questions about life and even death. Despite it's title it's a thought provoking story and well written.
Next up we have Milky Agitation which is a simple bizarro story that is quite amusing because it is in fact a man arguing with a glass of milk. Sounds stupid right? Sometimes in bizarro even stupid sounding ideas are quite humorous because they are so damn bizarre.
The rest of these stories take aim at the zombie genre, lawn mowers and I read Two Way Santa during the holiday season and sadly, I will never look at Santa without giggling. Donihe's Traveling Dildo Salesman is exactly what you expect from a bizarro collection. It's good, damn good.
Leading off the collection is the Traveling Dildo Salesman which is certainly a bizarro story but one with a message and I'm sure everyone has their own opinion on where these salesman actually are. It's an interesting story that raises some questions about life and even death. Despite it's title it's a thought provoking story and well written.
Next up we have Milky Agitation which is a simple bizarro story that is quite amusing because it is in fact a man arguing with a glass of milk. Sounds stupid right? Sometimes in bizarro even stupid sounding ideas are quite humorous because they are so damn bizarre.
The rest of these stories take aim at the zombie genre, lawn mowers and I read Two Way Santa during the holiday season and sadly, I will never look at Santa without giggling. Donihe's Traveling Dildo Salesman is exactly what you expect from a bizarro collection. It's good, damn good.
March 14, 2021
Průměrná sbírka. Eponymní povídka měla dobrou atmosféru a správně nastavenou míru beznaděje. Zároveň ale byla v podstatě prázdná a bizarní jen pro bizarnost samu. Kratší texty byly spíše civilnější a také zábavnější. Milky Agitation překvapila a skončila dřív, než začala nudit. Two-Way Santa ničím nezaujala. The Helen Mower byla bizarro podle mého gusta – úplně mimo mísu, nechutná, spojená s body horrorem a napsaná o lásce. Living Room Zombies byla příjemná jednohubka s mírnou dávkou humoru. Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag bych klidně vypustil.
December 10, 2011
While this is not my favorite book in the bizarro genre, it was still enjoyable. The plight of the salesman in his neverending relentless cycle was quite relateable. His ability to overcome his cycle was inspiring, yet it left you hanging wondering if what he experiences after will be better than his past. One can only hope.
The short stories included with this book were also very good and well written, however, some were a bit more predictable than I would have liked. But for the most part they complimented the main story quite well. I must admit, that the short story Zombie Apocolypse was by far my favorite of the short stories. It is how I would envision many of the people in my circle reacting to such an event, which made reading it very fun. Although the ending is probably much more accurate into what would happen to our world should such an event ever truly happen.
This was my first Kevin L. Donihe book, and I would love to explore more of his works in the future. If you like reading bizarro, then this book is definitely for you. If you are just starting out in bizarro, then this book is a good glimpse into just how different from the "mainstream" books bizarro can get.
The short stories included with this book were also very good and well written, however, some were a bit more predictable than I would have liked. But for the most part they complimented the main story quite well. I must admit, that the short story Zombie Apocolypse was by far my favorite of the short stories. It is how I would envision many of the people in my circle reacting to such an event, which made reading it very fun. Although the ending is probably much more accurate into what would happen to our world should such an event ever truly happen.
This was my first Kevin L. Donihe book, and I would love to explore more of his works in the future. If you like reading bizarro, then this book is definitely for you. If you are just starting out in bizarro, then this book is a good glimpse into just how different from the "mainstream" books bizarro can get.
April 23, 2012
Kevin L. Donihe has an expert way of making the most absurd realities entirely convincing and believable. The worlds he creates hold little to no ties to the real world, nor are they particularly ones you'd like to stay in, but the short visits he provides for you are both fascinating and entertaining. The stories in this collection are no exception.
Each story in this collection is imaginative and takes an incredible suspension of reality, but once you manage it the worlds created pull you in and mess with the way you see the world.
The Traveling Dildo Salesman is about a man named Ralph trapped in a meaningless existence of selling dildos door to door, while finding clues leading him to discover the meaning of it all. Ralph is a character who you will certainly feel sorry for (who really wants to spend their lives selling dildos door to door?) and you will want to keep reading just to see him get out of this life.
The following stories are just as bizarre and just as entertaining--including agitated milk, a homeless Santa, a lawnmower girlfriend, Danzig-loving zombies, and a disgruntled cumrag.
Definite recommend for everyone. Including your grandmother.
Each story in this collection is imaginative and takes an incredible suspension of reality, but once you manage it the worlds created pull you in and mess with the way you see the world.
The Traveling Dildo Salesman is about a man named Ralph trapped in a meaningless existence of selling dildos door to door, while finding clues leading him to discover the meaning of it all. Ralph is a character who you will certainly feel sorry for (who really wants to spend their lives selling dildos door to door?) and you will want to keep reading just to see him get out of this life.
The following stories are just as bizarre and just as entertaining--including agitated milk, a homeless Santa, a lawnmower girlfriend, Danzig-loving zombies, and a disgruntled cumrag.
Definite recommend for everyone. Including your grandmother.
October 23, 2012
This was my first Kevin Donihe and I must say I'm looking forward to reading more. I admit I'm not generally a short story person but these were surprisingly satisfying.
The Traveling Dildo Salesman surely hits home with anyone who has ever had the displeasure of working a dead end job for any length of time. How anyone could read this and not think "Poor bastard." at least once is beyond me.
Milky Agitation came out of left field and ended with a chuckle.
Two-Way Santa gives you the warm fuzzies which you soon realize are crusty with dried puke and then someone strangles you with an old t-shirt and you like it.
The Helen Mower: lover + blade wielding machine = ouch. (Not my favourite but well written.)
The Living Room Zombies was hilarious. You think you know what's going to happen but nope, nope you don't.
Revenge Of The Living Masturbation Rag...well, I'll never look at crusty rags the same way again and I hope they don't look at me at all.
Overall a very enjoyable read and a fast one to boot.
The Traveling Dildo Salesman surely hits home with anyone who has ever had the displeasure of working a dead end job for any length of time. How anyone could read this and not think "Poor bastard." at least once is beyond me.
Milky Agitation came out of left field and ended with a chuckle.
Two-Way Santa gives you the warm fuzzies which you soon realize are crusty with dried puke and then someone strangles you with an old t-shirt and you like it.
The Helen Mower: lover + blade wielding machine = ouch. (Not my favourite but well written.)
The Living Room Zombies was hilarious. You think you know what's going to happen but nope, nope you don't.
Revenge Of The Living Masturbation Rag...well, I'll never look at crusty rags the same way again and I hope they don't look at me at all.
Overall a very enjoyable read and a fast one to boot.
January 27, 2012
A seriously weird bizarro read. The title story about finding yourself with pretty much no information to go on and a case full of dildo's trying to get away from you. Not an everyday event nor is it an everyday read.
The additional stories are also interesting some in a gross icky kind of way.
Milky Agitation will make you want milk from the cow and only the cow direct from the udder. Really.
Two Way Santa is disturbing as Santa just should do those kinds of things.
The Helen Mower is funny, gross necrophilia funny.
Living Room Zombies is great and a bit of a different zombies book. I liked it.
Revenge of the Masturbation Rag is gross but great a seriously nasty cool piece of work.
The additional stories are also interesting some in a gross icky kind of way.
Milky Agitation will make you want milk from the cow and only the cow direct from the udder. Really.
Two Way Santa is disturbing as Santa just should do those kinds of things.
The Helen Mower is funny, gross necrophilia funny.
Living Room Zombies is great and a bit of a different zombies book. I liked it.
Revenge of the Masturbation Rag is gross but great a seriously nasty cool piece of work.
June 16, 2012
This is definitely a sampler for someone who have not yet read any books by Kevin L. Donihe. There were a few short stories packed together with 'The Traveling Dildo Salesman' which I wasn't paying much attention to. I found myself going back thinking about Ralph and his quest while still reading the short stories. I liked how the story doesn't revolve around so much on the merchandise functionality but where it came from and why. The concept of Ralph's job also had an interesting take and gave us an insight on the consequence of living a purposeless life. The story should have been the last considering that its the best out of the short stories. This one surprised me in a good way for I am one that don't like surprises at all.
July 21, 2011
a great collection. Though all of the stories can be found elsewhere, I had only read "Two-Way Santa" which was featured in Carlton Mellick's "Christmas on Crack" anthology.
The first story, "the Traveling Dildo Salesman" is strange, but good. That's actually all I can really say about Donihe's work. All of it is very strange. All of it is very good.
This book is like that.
Only better.
Nobody does good and weird quite like this guy.
Nobody.
The first story, "the Traveling Dildo Salesman" is strange, but good. That's actually all I can really say about Donihe's work. All of it is very strange. All of it is very good.
This book is like that.
Only better.
Nobody does good and weird quite like this guy.
Nobody.
January 18, 2014
If a travelling dildo salesman shows up at your door, just be nice and buy all three. They're only a penny.
I don't know what else to say about this book. I'm afraid any further reviewing might give too much away. But I gave it five stars because I liked it a lot and the extra short stories at the end were all as good as the title track.
This review sucks but the book doesn't.
I don't know what else to say about this book. I'm afraid any further reviewing might give too much away. But I gave it five stars because I liked it a lot and the extra short stories at the end were all as good as the title track.
This review sucks but the book doesn't.
September 20, 2011
One never knows what to expect when reading bizarro fiction, but from the title story, I knew I had to read this book. My favorite stories were Milky Agitation and Living room Zombies.
October 6, 2011
Loved it, very twisted!!
October 26, 2012
Well, with a title like that you'd probably be taking a gamble with most writers. Not with Donihe. Thoroughly enjoyed it, a fuller review is to come!
March 14, 2016
An odd story about a salesman and his effort to get rid of his load.
September 3, 2022
Kevin L. Donihe's The Traveling Dildo Salesman is a collection that definitely flirts with the boundaries of the Bizarro genre, but which is deliciously understated in its obscenity. Rather than confronting the reader with his ability to shock and disgust, Donihe seduces you into the surrealism of his tale. The horror here is very cerebral, a creepy sort of hallucinogenic trip on the wings of imagination. That's not to say he doesn't toss in a moment or two of graphic depravity, but the focus is definitely on the weirdness of the experience.
The title story, The Traveling Dildo Salesman, is a very surreal tale of one man's journey through a kind of fetishistic purgatory. Ralph is a tragic hero straight out of Rod Serling's cruelest Twilight Zone episodes, lost in a perverse suburbia that would not be out of place in a Tim Burton film. Equally frustrating and inspiring, it's a story that refuses to play by the rules, and which ends on an oddly ambiguous note.
Milky Agitation is the second-shortest tale of the collection, and one that's strange simply for the sake of being strange. It's remarkable how many oddities Donihe is able to drop in so few pages, and how perversely amusing a shattered glass of milk can be. Two-Way Santa is the collection's nod to the obscene, with a tired, hopeless, homeless drunk restored to the mantle of Santa Claus by the belief of a creepy serial killer. The ending is twisted and dark, and will forever change how you think of candy canes.
In a return to the surreal, The Helen Mower offers us story that's reminiscent of Stephen King's Lawnmower Man (the gory short story, not the abysmal virtual reality movie), but with a sweet necrophiliac twist. Living Room Zombies is, by far, the funniest entry in the collection, introducing us to the hospitality of two stoners on the night of the zombie apocalypse. The final entry in the collection, Revenge Of The Living Masturbation Rag, is as brief tale of abuse and revenge that ends in a rather chilling suggestion of horror continued beyond the page.
A nice sampling of what Donihe has to offer the Bizarro genre, this is a well-written collection of horror that could almost be called 'literary' were it not so deliberately perverse. Well worth the read.
Originally reviewed at Beauty in Ruins
The title story, The Traveling Dildo Salesman, is a very surreal tale of one man's journey through a kind of fetishistic purgatory. Ralph is a tragic hero straight out of Rod Serling's cruelest Twilight Zone episodes, lost in a perverse suburbia that would not be out of place in a Tim Burton film. Equally frustrating and inspiring, it's a story that refuses to play by the rules, and which ends on an oddly ambiguous note.
Milky Agitation is the second-shortest tale of the collection, and one that's strange simply for the sake of being strange. It's remarkable how many oddities Donihe is able to drop in so few pages, and how perversely amusing a shattered glass of milk can be. Two-Way Santa is the collection's nod to the obscene, with a tired, hopeless, homeless drunk restored to the mantle of Santa Claus by the belief of a creepy serial killer. The ending is twisted and dark, and will forever change how you think of candy canes.
In a return to the surreal, The Helen Mower offers us story that's reminiscent of Stephen King's Lawnmower Man (the gory short story, not the abysmal virtual reality movie), but with a sweet necrophiliac twist. Living Room Zombies is, by far, the funniest entry in the collection, introducing us to the hospitality of two stoners on the night of the zombie apocalypse. The final entry in the collection, Revenge Of The Living Masturbation Rag, is as brief tale of abuse and revenge that ends in a rather chilling suggestion of horror continued beyond the page.
A nice sampling of what Donihe has to offer the Bizarro genre, this is a well-written collection of horror that could almost be called 'literary' were it not so deliberately perverse. Well worth the read.
Originally reviewed at Beauty in Ruins
December 4, 2022
THE TRAVELING DILDO SALESMAN took my mind to places I did not expect (and I expected things based on the title). Pleasantly surprised there were layers to this one and it was more than just a gimmick title. The life of a salesman can be arduous, repetitive, and leave one feeling empty and tired. That is all on display here. I didn't expect to get such a glimpse into the soul sucking industry that is a door to door salesman. Consumerism is the real enemy here, not the lively dildos that would also make great home decor next to lamps and candles!
I was pleasantly surprised by the addition of some short stories at the end: Milky Agitation, Two-Way Santa, The Helen Mower, Living Room Zombies, and Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag. My favorites were Two-Way Santa and Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag (and OH EM GEEEEE this one is outrageous and so much fun!)
Definitely on the lookout for more from Kevin Donihe as I am always trying to expand my collection of bizarro books! I know this is an older read, but I will keep an eye out on more from the author and take a look into his prior works as I know I will find some entertaining ones in the bunch!
I was pleasantly surprised by the addition of some short stories at the end: Milky Agitation, Two-Way Santa, The Helen Mower, Living Room Zombies, and Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag. My favorites were Two-Way Santa and Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag (and OH EM GEEEEE this one is outrageous and so much fun!)
Definitely on the lookout for more from Kevin Donihe as I am always trying to expand my collection of bizarro books! I know this is an older read, but I will keep an eye out on more from the author and take a look into his prior works as I know I will find some entertaining ones in the bunch!
March 18, 2021
The titular story is kind of in the vein of the myth of Sisyphus. It's a metaphor for life. I liked it. Finally I read it and decided that it's philosophical implications accurately live up to it's title.
The titular story is kind of in the vein of the myth of Sisyphus. It's a metaphor for life. I liked it. Finally I read it and decided that it's philosophical implications accurately live up to it's title.
...wait. Have I had this same conversation before???
The titular story is kind of in the vein of the myth of Sisyphus. It's a metaphor for life. I liked it. Finally I read it and decided that it's philosophical implications accurately live up to it's title.
...wait. Have I had this same conversation before???
September 10, 2018
The stories were mediocre. Definitely bizarro but at the same time nothing memorable. The last story in this book will probably be the one that would stand out the most for me only because of how disturbing it is.
January 27, 2022
think goosebumps but 18+ 👀
October 22, 2022
No esperaba nada de un libro que se llama el vendedor ambulante de dildos, pero está bueno, la vdd
June 7, 2025
This was good and actually had meaning.
May 15, 2013
way weirder than I expected and not nearly as funny.
August 30, 2013
It wasn't thrilling, it wasn't interesting, it wasn't funny at all. It wasn't cruel nor violent.
It was just strange and boring.
It was just strange and boring.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews