Created To Need A Help Meet: A Marriage Guide For Men

by Michael Pearl

Unlock the mysterious code of making your wife truly happy!

Every man needs a woman; he needs a helper, a best friend, an encourager and certainly a passionate lover. Most men marry a lovely lady and then find out she is not equipped to satisfy all of his needs. A woman is complicated being; her complex needs have to be met before she will desire to meet yours. Most men need instructions to break the code of what might drive his woman to delight in pleasing him. Unfortunately nature doesn’t hand out a how-to instruction manual, but now there is one available.

Mike and Debi Pearl are international bestselling authors of over 30 books that have been translated into over 32 languages. Debi says, “Mike has earned the right to write the manual on marriage as he has given me over 40 years of a sweet, loving marriage.”

Mike has been a student and teacher of God’s Word for over 50 years. Debi Pearl adds grace to Mike’s pointed writing style.

Created To NEED A Help Meet stands alone or can be used as part of a couple’s study with Debi’s best seller for wives, Created To Be His Help Meet.

Genres: Christian, Marriage, Nonfiction, Religion, Relationships, Christian Living

248 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2011

About the author

Michael and Debi Pearl were both raised in Memphis, Tennessee, in good homes, by parents who were faithful to point them to God. Mike, a graduate of Mid-South Bible College in Memphis (now Victory University), has been active in evangelism and the work of the ministry since he was a teenager. He worked with Union Mission in Memphis for 25 years, while he and Debi also ministered to the many military families in Memphis and pastored churches. They moved to rural Tennessee where they continued in the work by holding Bible studies in local homes, which eventually led to regular meetings of the local body of believers, and by starting the prison ministry. God eventually led them into the ministry of writing on child training and family relationships, which they now feel is their life’s work and calling. In addition to the child training ministry, the work of the prison ministry, missions, Bible studies, and family life is still ongoing. The Pearls have been married since 1971, and have 5 children and 18 grandchildren. The Pearl children have always been involved in their parents’ ministry, and in their adulthood continue to be involved in some way in ministering where they are.

Reviews

[Akje · Rating 1 out of 5]

Okay, the honeymoon did make me laugh, but I'm still giving this one star for the failure to obey scripture. Honestly, why is it so hard for so many “Christian” men to treat others as they'd like to be treated? You'd think it was a no-brainer. Jesus was egalitarian; any Christian who isn't is a failed Christian. It's just that simple, dudes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Lindsey Willis · Rating 1 out of 5]

I only read this because a friend sent me an excerpt of it from an article she had come across, and I thought it had surely been taken out of context. It couldn’t really be that bad.

Friends, I am here to report that it really is that bad. 🔥🔥

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolonge...

[Nicholas Maulucci · Rating 5 out of 5]

refreshingly honest. no pompous spiritual gobbledygook. no haughty exhortations made for shock value. just honesty and insight. ahhhhhh...and no political correctness! no punches pulled. black and white. the reader senses that the book is not simply philosophy, but experience in writing. highly recommended. my eight boys will all read this book in time. husbands and engaged men, read it! no psychobabble - would put many psychobabblers out of work. man - do yourself and your wife a favor, turn off the stupid nascar race or football game and read this book!

[Karena Therrien · Rating 1 out of 5]

Michael Pearl is an absolute monster and a disgrace to humanity. It absolutely baffles me that people think spousal and child abuse is the way to be Christian.

[Bobby James · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5/5. It’s ok. The good parts were really good and the bad parts were really bad. I disagreed with him theologically on some things and he seems too biblicist. The first couple of chapters had a lot of great points but focused the application and the motivation for good husbandry almost entirely on sex.

Pearl’s practicality in discerning what kind of “man” you are is helpful (ex. visionary, command, steady man). Pearl definitely has something there because he described my strengths, weaknesses and sins to a “T” in the steady man.

He’s strange because he takes the position that distinct gender roles are a result of the Fall and not original to God’s design. But, unlike most, he doesn’t use this view as justification for functional egalitarianism.

The questions from the “mailbag” were almost always a woman complaining about her husband and asking Pearl to address a particular issue and fix their husband. And Pearl responds excitedly with simplistic and broad solutions. Not sure this is the healthiest way to “fix” your husband.

[Nathan Saint · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great read for every Christian husband, whether you are just starting your job as a husband, whether you've been married for decades, or whether you are simply considering getting married one day. Michael Pearl is a very dogmatic writer so he sounds a bit harsh sometimes, but so long as you aren't put off by his sometimes "preachy" style, this book will be a great help to you, as it was me. It helped me understand my wife and how I can help her become all that God wants her to be, by first becoming all that God wants me to be, so that we can be all that God wants us to be together.

[Thomas Arn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! All men (and only men) should read this. Defines who you should be and what you should be like in marriage. It describes how you should act with your wife. All of this from an excellent Biblical perspective. It will help build your marriage.

[Santino Maulucci · Rating 5 out of 5]

very,very good book. I really enjoyed it. I recommend it to every man. I kind of like Michael Pearl.

[Ryeker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for husbands to shake you up and make you consider what it means to be a husband.
]

[Seth Fowler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Michael Pearl's "Created to Need a Help Meet" will be a book of benefit for the young man looking to learn about their role as husbands in a Christian Marriage. Pearl does, however, at multiple points throughout the book inject his personal beliefs into his work, one example was a brief rant about how the NIV Bible is not, to his thinking, an allowable translation of the Word of God, these intermissions can pull the reader out and distract from the points of the book at times. Overall, the book has a scripture based foundation that is hard to aruge against, and my personal dislike for Pearl's intermissions may not be a pet-peeve for other readers, therefore I encourage any young man, or woman, to read this work to learn about the role of a husband in Marriage.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very thought provoking

This book changed the way I look at some of the fundamentals of marriage. My bride and I are both type A “go getters” so sparks fit often, but this book has shown me that to lead my family I have to serve. I’m a very prideful man and I needed this.

[Norm Konzelman · Rating 3 out of 5]

[Raw unrevised review. Rated 3 stars because that was in the middle.]

Long ago. When exactly, I do not know. I read a book by an ex-pastor (can there be such a thing?!) by the name of Tim Lahaye. In this book called 'Spirit Controlled Temperament', Dr. Lahaye broke down the characteristics, or personalities of men into five basic ones, as much as I remember of it. Some time after that when listening to a sermon by Dr. Jack Hyles, Dr. Hyles made a point during his preaching that looks like it stuck with me.
Now you need to understand that Tim Lahaye's books, and this book in particular, were very popular in Bible believing churches at the time, taking from the precedence of the word of God in a way dangerous to those influenced by Lahaye, in such as that these five temperaments were used to “filter” believers acceptance of biblical truth about themselves. “I have sinned such and such a way, but I am prone to it because I'm MELANCHOLIC”.
Dr. Hyles did not attack the book. Dr. Hyles did not attack Dr. Lahaye. Dr. Hyles did not attack the sinner. Dr. Hyles in the form of preaching only he possessed said, “If you are one of those who are melancholic, GET RIGHT WITH GOD!!”
I never heard Dr. Jack Hyles so much as hint at a slander towards another person.
That above, finally brings me to the body of my review of 'Created to Need a Help Meet' by Michael Pearl.
I am afraid for the popularity of these writings as they appear in some ways similar to the popularity of Dr. Lahaye's in his time.
People become very enamored with the writings of someone you “must like/love” in order to be part of, or feel part of, the particular group they are in, or want to be in. Oh, and in case you weren't sure, I'm as likely to fall into this as anyone. So we blind ourselves, and like and accept what someone has written or said. And, sure enough, we become as dumb as a Do-Do bird to the truth trying to find it's way into our hearts.
No! I did not say Michael Pearl did not write truth!
What I am, and will say is, God wrote it. God said it. He breathed it. That's all.
So. When man says/writes something, wouldn't it follow to see if God said it first? Duh.
Look. Do you remember anything of what Tim Lahaye taught? When Michael Pearl is dead and forgotten you will still be here with your marriage and with a God who knows more than man. Well, some will.
The main body of 'Created to Need a Help Meet' is built upon men (and women) who are identified by three main “characteristics” or personalities if you will. There's the Control Man, the Visionary Man, and the Priest man (and their counterparts in the women). On this “tree” of writing to build his case, Mr. Pearl hangs many many valuable and important truths and advice/admonitions. Well, ok. The decorations on the tree are beautiful, but the tree? I just don't know. I cannot find anywhere in my bible where it breaks down men and women into these three groups.
Help me if you can, but I'm just sayin.
And when does it not make sense to treat your wife/husband right? That's what the main body of the book said to me. Is that news to anyone?
Towards the latter part of the book Mr. Pearl delves into pornography. I have to wholeheartedly endorse what he's saying on this sin. Even after having put these things behind me many years ago it still brings shame and guilt. No matter how far behind I leave this, it is not far enough. I pay the price, not you.
Mr. Pearl is severe with these men and I suppose knows much more than I, but I must mention one story that stood out in particular I took issue with.
A man married many years with grown children had built a beautiful luxurious life for his family. This man made a grievous decision. He could not, or would not, quit communicating with a “female” whom he actually couldn't say with truth even was a female. He couldn't even say her name was her true name, having never met in person or even seen her.
This man did though find his error and sought forgiveness. Forgiveness would not be his though. The man's wife took it all and his children. That woman tightened the screw down all the way on this guy, then turned it one more time for good measure. Seems she did well teaching the children also, as they have not seen or spoken with the father since.
Mr. Pearl included the man's letter in his book without comment, but put it together in a chapter with some pretty vile stuff, and Mr. Pearl's deservedly tough “preaching”.
It. This letter. It only made me think I would depend on God's Grace and Forgiveness rather than a woman's or Mr. Pearl's.

“Wilt thou shew wonders to the dead? Shall the dead arise and praise thee? Selah.”
“Shew me a token for good; that they which hate me may see it, and be ashamed: because thou, Lord, hast holpen me, and comforted me.” Psalm 87:10 & 86:17
The Lord. Him you can count on.

Not until the very last part of the very last chapter did this book really speak to me. But that is me, not you. Do not miss this book!
“She drew a circle that shut me out,
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout,
But love and I had the wit to win,
We drew a circle that took her in.” He is also the God of Hope.

[Kathryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good advice for young men on how to understand Ladies a little better. How to act to not lose her love.

[John Jelinek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where has this been all my life?

I wish I had read this before getting married. It's a punch in the gut. I love it. Every page speaks to me.

[Matt Blanchard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book on marriage I have read to date. Pearl sticks to biblical principles and doesn't beat around the bush. I will most certainly read this many times over throughout the course of my marriage.

[R.J. Gilbert · Rating 2 out of 5]

What’s with all the reviews from women? Did they think this was one of those “How to be the man the woman who bought you this book thinks you should be” kinds of men’s books? I’m curious how many stars they gave Debi’s Help-Meet book. Of course, I haven’t read that one all the way through, but my wife has shared it with me quite often over the years and I have to give the Pearls a lot of credit for how awesome our marriage has been ever since.

Needless to say, I’ve been waiting for this book. My wife and I have been following the Pearls and No-Greater-Joy Ministries for a few years and I knew what to expect, so I was not very surprised by any of the hard-hitting ultimatums Mr. Pearl dishes out in the first few chapters. However, as a man cursed with the Mr. Visionary personality, I have to say that Mr. Pearl did not give much in the way of encouragement for my kind of people (if there are any others out there). In his chapter on visionaries, Mr. Pearl addresses the people who call themselves visionaries but who are really just lazy or foolish (or both). That’s well and good, but what about the rest of us?

For the record, real Visionaries are they guys who stand up and take most of the blows in life. We are the ones who warn Mr. Command just before he burns his whole house of cards down—then get blamed for “making it happen just to prove we were right.” We are the ones who take a stand against immorality and doom our families to lives of poverty, only to discover that the world judges us as immoral because the world’s standard for morality is dictated by wealth. Visionaries get fired from our jobs and get kicked out of the church because we see things that nobody else wants to see. We write the books that the Mr. Steadies won’t read and that Mr. Command is afraid to publish because his real god is the almighty bottom line. Visionaries spend our lives trying to pull Mr. Steady’s head out of his butt and show him the truth, only to be resented for it and told to “mind our own business”. We stand up to Mr. Command when he has gone too far into being Mr. Dictator, and most of the time we get the crap kicked out of us for doing it. And in the end, for every one visionary who makes any kind of a difference, there are a thousand who get stomped silently, fruitlessly out of existence. I am one of those who has been stomped into silence—by the Mr. Commands of Christianity, no less.

The real problem I have, though, is that Mr. Pearl says that Mr. Visionary is a product of the Holy Spirit. Really? So the Holy Spirit is just a drunken gambler telling us to bet it all on black “because that’s the right thing to do”, but having no power over where the roulette wheel lands? I think that needs some clarification; where is the scripture to back that one up? A man once told me that the whole idea of “providence” is that God will sustain that which He has set into motion. If Mr. Visionary’s inspiration is set into motion by God, I can still understand why we’d get knocked around like we do, but wouldn’t God’s providence ensure that, in the end, we wouldn’t just crash and burn in failure? Aren’t we supposed to be known by the fruit that our visions bear? Why do so many of the faithful visionaries bear only the fruit of failure? Or was that most famous of visionaries, Albert Einstein, totally in error when he said “God does not play dice”?

[Zak Boston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maybe the saying should go, don’t judge a book by it’s title. While “help meet” is an unfortunate phrase, everything in this book is direct, honest, and based on experience. Michael Pearl reads like an old man who has a lived a life steadily, deliberately accumulating wisdom. Many will be turned off by his gruffness and, let them go.

Wisdom is more than good. It is also painful in a redemptive way. We must be man enough to face redemptive wisdom with humility.

Some favorite passages which impacted me:

"Marriage is heaven's bootcamp"

"The greater the anger, the smaller the man"

"We inherit life in a broken state, and we are broken to match. God is looking for overcomers... to truly overcome one must not live unto himself, but live to bless the lives of others... your ministry, your calling, the job you are here to do begins with sanctifying you wife"

"The bible never commands a wife to obey... Slaves, children, and dogs obey. Love submits for purposes higher than fear of disapproval. Obedience can be given to someone you fear or hate, but submission is the act of joyfully giving one's self"

Of a sinful wife "It is not how can you honor [her] and still say no. The question is, having said no, how can you honor [her]? You can make a judgement without being judgmental."

"God removes the guilt, something you cannot do. But you must take the steps to reprogram your responses... the key is not to wait for some inner signal that everything is alright. Determine to act in a manner that will bless your spouse. Act in a loving way. Do what you ought to do because it is good for the other person."

"She drew a circle that shut me out,
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout,
But love and I had the wit to win,
We drew a circle that took her in"
- Edwin Markham

[Abraham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Es difícil encontrar libros que hablen directamente a los maridos sobre sus deberes y responsabilidades como esposos, desde lo que la Biblia dice. Este es uno de ellos.

Si han leído libros de este ministerio (Para entrenar a un niño, Creada para ser Ayuda Idonea), encontraran el mismo estilo, pero más directo y estricto, para hombres. Para muchos, será muy incomodo escuchar estas verdades, pero se necesita madurez y sinceridad para escuchar la verdad, y humildad para ponerla en práctica.

El autor establece su base desde la creación para establecer la posición del hombre con respecto a la mujer, describe los tipos de hombres que hay (según su punto de vista), y aborda varios temas

Muy valiosos los capítulos que hablan sobre los problemas del marido. Habla de temas que dificilmente son tratados (la pornografía y el adulterio, las relaciones con los papas y suegros, los líderes de iglesia y sus problemas, patriarcado, etc.)

Este libro tiene también anexos de otros 2 escritos, uno sobre la pornografía y otro sobre el sexo santo matrimonial, ambos muy recomendables.

Es de notar como clasifica a los hombres en 3 tipos. Siento que esto está basado en su (amplia) experiencia de consejería, siento algo forzado encajarla a las personalidades de la Trinidad, sin embargo desde un punto de vista práctico, tiene mucho sentido su clasificación y recomendaciones.

En lo personal, me gusta mucho la forma directa del autor. Muchas veces como hombres, necesitamos que sean duros con nosotros para entender.

Es una lástima que, aunque ya existe la traducción al español, no está impreso, al menos no a corto plazo.

Si quieres amar más a tu esposa como Cristo amó a su Iglesia, toma el reto y lee este libro para tu propio beneficio espiritual

[Josh Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is chock full of Biblical wisdom and Godly direction. Michael breaks down 3 general categories of men to help you find out what your type's strengths and weaknesses are. I disagree with his "King James Only" stance, but other than that there is little a man, wanting to be the Spiritual head of his family, can't learn from this sort of old-school, country-boy straight forwardness. He and my dad would get along good and so especially for those of you without a good father, look to men like Michael Pearl for fatherly direction.

[Brandi Leblanc · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked it. What I like most about the Pearls is that they get lots of letters from people and answer them, according to the Bible. Their are lots of letters from wives in this book and Mike Pearl answers them.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good wedding gift for young husbands...or old husbands...maybe old dogs CAN learn new tricks! lol

[Kaleb Beard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Essential read for all married Christian men.