The First Born Advantage: Making Your Birth Order Work for You

by Kevin Leman, Renee Ertl

Bestselling author, humorist, and internationally known psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman helps firstborns understand their natural advantages for the highest level of personal success at home, at school, at work, and in relationships.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Family, Parenting, Personal Development, Audiobook

MP3 Book

First published January 1, 1999

About the author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
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Reviews

[Kiri · Rating 2 out of 5]

Birth order psychoanalysis is something I tend to rank just above astrology. However, as a firstborn myself, I was curious enough based on this book's title to pick it up and peruse the table of contents. The content in this book is spread so thinly and repetitively that it's the ideal book for skimming. You can consume the whole thing in a few sittings.

I finished the book with an elevated opinion of the whole birth order thing. It seems that it's not exclusively about your chronological order, but really more about the kind of relationship you have with your parents. (The stickler in me wishes they'd then rename the types to reflect this.) That said, I personally fit the firstborn profile to a T: seeing the world in black and white, reliable, organized, leader, list maker, conscientious, creature of habit, achiever. And some of the advice for using your "advantage" seems quite useful: pursue excellence rather than perfection, let some things go undone, wait before offering your opinion, learn to bounce back when you fail, stick to your guns, etc. But those two sentences pretty much sum up the content of the book; the rest is mainly anecdotes about hypothetical, stereotypical firstborns, which I guess you are supposed to identify with, but to me they seemed too extreme/fake. The exception is Chapter 6, about the "Critical Eye", and its treatment of parent-child relationships, especially when one or both have firstborn personalities. If I had children myself, I'd want to re-read this chapter regularly as I think it has good advice for curbing some of my natural counter-productive tendencies.

[Elle McCann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting and I learned so much about birth order. It was helpful to hear other common firstborn experiences as well.

[Marcia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in three main sittings.

It was so insightful for me, a firstborn, my husband, a firstborn, and our twins.

I understand myself a lot more and why I am the way I am at work, in friendships and relationship.

My firstborn colleague and I have started "analyzing" those around us and its frighteningly clear who the firstborn are.

Highly recommend for all firstborns or those who are married to, or working for one!

[Peter Phung · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is a glorified glamorized astrology book disguised as a psychological/sociological experiment. Who needs this book when you can go to astrology.com or look up into the sky and look at what angle Saturn aligns with Arkansas on the day you were born? Either way, it is hard to discern what had a bigger impact on who you are, birth order or Saturn/Arkansas/etc.

[Niarb · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book states an awful lot of observations without ever truly extrapolating any meaningful information.

Is there a deeper connection between ADHD and the pressures of being a "firstborn "?"

What are the implications of a "born order hierarchy "?" Is there a system to be "hacked?"

What are the social and familial environments that form a firstborn, and what is the moral standing on creating a firstborn?

You will find little bigger picture insight with this book.

Then again, that's not really what the book is meant to do. The book is meant to instruct you to better work/interact with a "firstborn."

Even then, there is little content to read mostly stories filling the pages between the message; "strive for excellence over perfection and know yourself/your boundaries."

[Rob Jager · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a first born, I thought this book was too accurate. Some statements about firstborns could be said about others, but I thought this book was about me at one point. I had to double check the cover. Lol. A good read to get insights into a firstborn.

[Katrina K. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and found it thought provoking and relatable. It gave me some insights on how to better relate to my firstborn daughter and some of the struggles we have been going through in our relationship.

[Tallon M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Can't say much but this is very informative and written well and all this makes so much sense now and I recommend it if you're looking to learn what you/ your family is.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to everyone, whether you are a firstborn or not.

[Sarah Walsh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting characteristics first borns have that I didn’t know I possess due to my birth order. Also humbling ..

[Doreen Dawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful! Beneficial. A must read for every first born.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very quick read and easy for high level skimming. Then again, as a first born, I felt like he knew me a bit too intimately for a person I never met!

[GothChickVibing · Rating 3 out of 5]

Title: The Firstborn Advantage.

Author: Dr. Kevin Leman.

Genre: Christian, Nonfiction, Psychology, Birth Order, Daily Life.

Plot: In his famous Birth Order Book, Dr. Leman explores how people's birth order effects them and the way they do things. In this book, he focuses on the firstborn {one of the most crucial jobs in the world} and gives the reader tips on how to use their birth order and natural skills/abilities to their advantage, while also pointing out certain flaws to be on the look-out for. It also mentions how firstborns work with middle and lastborns, how friendships and the work place are affected by the presence of a firstborn, and how the close family unit is made or broken by a firstborn. The chapter on having a critical parent was particularly enlightening and the blurb about a firstborn raising a firstborn is very good to know.

Likes/Dislikes: I liked a couple of the chapters - particularly the two mentioned above. But this book wasn't really impressive to me. I've previously read and highly enjoyed Growing Up Firstborn by the same author and while it had lots of "Aha!" moments, this one was just kinda like, "Meh." I did learn that I have an awesome husband {he's a lastborn with some very unique firstborn and middleborn traits} and that he's the best therapy I could've ever wanted or needed after growing up the way I did. I just hope my firstborn daughter isn't like me in certain areas. *winks* All in all, a good book but not one of my favorites.

Rating: PG-15 and up, mainly for reading level and topic.

Date Report Written: August 5th, 2014.

[Heather Sinclair · Rating 2 out of 5]

Being a first born child, I was curious about this book. Do I have innate advantages? Am I special? Do I have - dare I say it - superpowers?

Well, not exactly. But the book does explain some of the psychology behind birth order (with an emphasis on first-borns, obviously), which is interesting in its own right. The language is easy to understand and conversational, so this definitely doesn't read like a boring textbook. Also, it was great for stroking my ego, as it describes the advantages of first-borns (not surprisingly).

What I didn't really like, was the repetition in the book. I think it could have been about half the length and still communicated its points adequately, and I also didn't really like how the author plugged his other books on birth order throughout. Yeah, there's more to know, but I really don't care, because I'm reading *this* book right now, is what I thought.

The chapter on parenting was something I should have skipped (not being a parent), but that was my own fault for wanting to find out what I was missing (it was boring).

Overall, I'd say it was a good ego boost for first-borns, and offered some insights and tips on success at work, home, school, and as a parent. If you're interested, skim it.

[Rachael · Rating 3 out of 5]

This isn't a bad book to read, but really, its best for anyone who is generally socially awkward and wants to change that (especially the last chapter on making friends as a first born.)

General premise -- you might not be the oldest child, but you still might be a first born. Leman discusses the ways that parents screw up their first borns, and ways to help and encourage them. He also talks about how you, as a first born, might need to deal with some parental issues, or change/adjust some of your tendencies.

I'm an oldest child (of two girls) with a little over 4 years between us. But I'm not a textbook first born according to Leman. Might be personality, might be something my parents did. Nonetheless, this book got me thinking about how I interact with my son (currently my only child) to help him become better adjusted as a first born.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some more reading about what I already know that I am. I am a first born girl, always have been and always will be. Like my newphew Zarin when playing at the playground (around 5 years old). His dad and mom heard him telling much bigger boys that weren't going down the slide the right way and that they were being unsafe and that there was a right way to go down a slide. The rest of our family (okay I did too)had a good laugh but I can really relate to Zarin (someone has to make sure that the world is safe!). We firstborns can't help ourselves, I try but often find myself making comments about the way something needs to be done so that I don't have to follow it up with an "I told you so"! As Popeye says, "I yam what I yam."

[Susie · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a lastborn it was hard for me to read through a book that wasn't about me. I did finish the book, and I'm glad I did. It was very insightful, and it helped me to understand the first borns in my life.
I'm familiar with Kevin Leman mainly through his Focus on the Family and Family Life radio interviews, and I've always enjoyed his honesty and humor. In this particular book he covered the general characteristics, strengths, and weaknesses of firstborns but also gave practical, encouraging ideas for those firstborns who have grown up under an over-critical parent. You can use your passion for leadership, drive for success, and determination to accomplish great things while maintaining healthy relationships with those around you. It's a great book for firstborns and those who love them!

[Mary Heart · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely spot on!! I finally understand why everything in my life, that I have control over, has to be perfect. I can't say, "Well, that's good enough." Not me, if it can be better, I will make it better. I understand more why my husband and I get along so great, because he is the baby. Even my friends are the babies, and I realize why we always make such a good team. Since reading this book, I have a deeper understanding of myself and others around me. I have an easier time letting somethings go rather than beating myself up. When talking with people about the structure in my life, I can just look them in the eye and say, "I'm the first born." Some understand, some give me a puzzling look (which is always fun).

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Picked this book up thinking about my first child, but after reading it some, I realized how much of this pertains to me and SL. The author explains you may be a "first born" if you are the only gender (one girl and one boy or only girl, for example in your family). Or if there are a number of years between you and the child above you. Or if you are an "only."

Some definite things/qualities (hang ups?) I do NOT want to perpetuate...perfectionism, overcontrolling, being overly critical (esp. of oneself), etc. There are so many positive attibutes of the "first born" child. Self-starter, organizer, analyzer, leader but this can be quashed by a "first born" parent. Lots to think about...

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a first-born it was practically guaranteed that I would love this book, but it was Leman's conversational style of writing that really drew me in. I also enjoyed his no-nonsense way of communicating with you - something that a first-born appreciates. Though Leman extolled the virtues of being a first-born he was also quick to point out our flaws and the pitfalls of our lifestyles; but he did it with such ease and good-humor that I barely noticed he was discussing potentially negative things. I thoroughly enjoyed his "commonsense psychology" and look forward to reading more of his work.

[Bill Forgeard · Rating 2 out of 5]

Here's my pop-psychology quota for the year! It was quite helpful - prompted me to think about my own personality, plus those of family and friends -- there are natural and explainable patterns and features in all of our personalities. However, the Gospel of Jesus is the great circuit breaker for this stuff -- which is why I give only a little attention to this human field of study, and give most of my attention to Jesus. Human wisdom is continually superceded by the Word and Spirit of God.

[Rubina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr Kevin Leman's books are always fun and easy reads. This book, a follow on of his earlier, Birth Order Book, is no different. In it he explains why first born children tend to be movers, shakers and high achievers. However, this advantage may in some cases result in first born becoming discouraged perfectionists. At work, at home, in relationships, Dr Leman tells first borns how to use their first Ron advantage and what to not do.

[Barb · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an easy and enteraining read. The book has eleven chapters and I learned early into it why I am a bossy, controlling, over bearing freak - I'm a FIRSTBORN (and basically an almost only child according to the stats in the book).

Read it - I recommend it - highly enjoyable and lots of ah hah moments.

[Shorel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Introduces another box to place yourself in, that of birth order. However, the point of these studies is to understand yourself and others better.

"If I really want to know right off the bat if a client coming for a session with me is a firstborn, I slightly tilt one of the pictures in my office. Most firstborns will actually straighten out the picture for me because it bothers them."

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kevin Leman's always got some interesting stuff to say. I checked this book out because of the three first borns in our family - and desire to learn a little bit more about what makes us tick. Although we're doing pretty well! He specifically talks about firstborns parenting firstborns, which is what I was looking for. I saw a lot of my own habits and tendencies in what he said.

[Tanya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually listened to the audio version of this book. As a first born, I appreciated Leman's insights and often related to the observations given. However, as with all books which generalize subcultures, one must realize the book gives the results of careful study, but is not a definite classification of all first borns, etc.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

A must read for all first borns! This book has me pegged! - an overachiever, perfectionist, people pleaser, driven, and controling. This book did a great job at helping me find a healthy balance and how to maximize my strenghts and overcome my weaknesses.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting to see just how much birth order might have to play in our personalities. This really should be read after 'The Birth Order' book, though (I think). I am trying to get that book to see how all birth orders make a difference.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was curious about this book from the first time I saw it. If you've read any of Leman's books about birth order, this title won't have any new information for you. Since I have read his other books, for me, this book was nothing new. A few things were interesting, but most I'd read before.

[Bruce · Rating 2 out of 5]

Premise was simplistic, and reiterated constantly, often using the exact same examples. While some bits were interesting, it felt like a review of things I already knew and an oversimplification of personality traits.