Selfish and Perverse

by Bob Smith

Nelson Kunker is trapped in his job as the script supervisor on Aftertaste, the low-rated late-night sketch television show. His life in Los Angeles has come to a halt because he's unable to finish the novel he's writing, doesn't have a boyfriend, and, at the pivotal age of thirty-four, has reached the juncture where he has to decide whether he's really talented or just gay.

One day he meets Roy Briggs, a part-time salmon fisherman/full-time archaeology student who's visiting from Alaska. When Nelson attempts to make small talk with the handsome Roy, he references an obscure but haunting story about bowhead whales that startles the science nerd in both men into suspecting that they might be soulmates.

Unfortunately, Nelson discovers his soul is a bit of a slut when he also meets the guest host of that week's show, the surprisingly bookish movie star Dylan Fabizak, freshly paroled after a drug bust. When the three end up at Roy's home in Alaska, hilarity, love, and debauchery ensue. Wooed by both Roy and Dylan, Nelson comes to strongly identify with the salmon they are fishing for — another insanely driven species that will overcome every hurdle in its search for love.

Genres: LGBT, Fiction, Gay, Novels, Queer, Gay Fiction, Romance

304 pages, Hardcover

First published August 23, 2007

About the author

"Bob Smith is a real writer . . . . But what readers, gay and straight, will really appreciate are the direct approach and the eye for detail that make this book a touchingly personal document.. . . Smith brings a sensibility and a sensitivity that make this one of the most rewarding gay books of the year." — Lambda Book Report "(LY BOB is a dazzlingly funny, semiautobiographical, hardcover one-man show." — Paper

Reviews

[Jenne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I loved the first line of this:

"Love at first sight makes perfect sense because we're all pressed for time."

And it was kind of fun for a while, but let me give some advice to all you aspiring novelists out there--unless you are Michael Chabon, do not write a novel about writing (or not writing) a novel. I know, write what you know, right? But go learn about something else and write about that instead. I'm serious. Nobody cares.

[Rachel Kramer Bussel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Selfish and Perverse is a captivating, hilarious, very gay and very unique book. Smith knows his quirky characters and his settings, Los Angeles and Alaska, inside and out, and manages to make Nelson Kunker endearing, even if he's not the most exciting character in the fabulous first novel. That mantle is reserved for his two love interests, the hard-to-read, smart and cynical yet romantic Alaskan fisherman Roy and the flashy, annoying, but hot movie star Dylan. Staring out with the lowly life of a writer's assistant on a show in Hollywood, with a pit stop sinking into the La Brea Tar Pits, then moving on to remote Alaska, Smith captures each milieu and its inhabitants.

This is also a brilliant book for anyone who's ever written, tried to write, or thought about writing a novel. Nelson's ongoing attempts to write, which we mostly hear about from him, and his agony over not having written, make for great fodder in Smith's hands. Nelson seems young at times, as he waits for the approval of those around him, and while he'll occasionally throw out a zinger or show his anger, for the most part he's cautious, taking his cues from those around him. He has big dreams of writing but is crushed when his boyfriend Roy doesn't ask to read his novel.

It's also the kind of book that, in the midst of joking around, will bust out with a truthful or heartfelt statement that makes you stop to reread it and fully absorb it. There's a tenderness to Smith's sex scenes, as he describes Nelson luxuriating in each vein of Roy's arms, that's sweet and sexy at the same time. Nelson seems like an average, insecure guy, and in some ways, he is--he lacks the flamboyancy of many of the other characters, and yet its his very fears and uncertainties, his mistakes and meanderings, that make him someone it's a pleasure to spend time getting to know. Smith doesn't make anyone here a tragic figure but lets us know that everyone, in their own way, is looking for wholeness, in love and in their careers.

It's to Smith's credit that he made this reader root for Nelson and Roy, but want Dylan to stick around if only to get in their way and be an annoying, showy, needy guy. He's a cheapskate movie star sex addict who needs constant approval and attention, yet I almost felt sorry for him for missing out on the real pleasures of life due to his shallowness. Even the more minor characters, like Roy's mom, Dee, and Nelson's bitchy/funny dyke friend Wendy, are vividly rendered. The unusual setting of a fishing town in Alaska makes for vivid imagery and all sorts of interesting details about things like salmon and nagoonberries. Smith plays up te drastic differences between Nelson's Alaskan life and LA life, the beauty and newness of one and the ludicrousness of the other.I got caught up in this novel and couldn't put it down, and I certainly hope there's more where that came from from Smith.

[Aaron · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unfortunately, due to pressure from the author (Bob Smith) who was unhappy with this review. It was removed from the Lambda Literary website.

The original review is published below.


http://www.lambdaliterary.org/reviews...


‘Selfish & Perverse’ by Bob Smith
Post image for ‘Selfish & Perverse’ by Bob Smith

by Aaron Krach on June 23, 2010 · 7 comments

in Fiction

Full disclosure. I can be very selfish and I have tried my best to be perverse. Yet Bob Smith’s book makes me feel like a prude.

Selfish & Perverse is about sex. Sex in Alaska, three-way sex in Alaska, almost-sex in Alaska, and, um, loads of yearning for sex in Alaska.

Between lovely descriptions of Alaska’s rugged landscape, S&P follows three men (boys?) trying to get laid. Nelson is a writer, Roy a fisherman, and Dylan an actor. But they are all equally horny. Except the actor. He’s also a sex addict; so he’s the horniest.

You think “horniest” sounds corny? Listen to Nelson, the writer:

“He reached down into my underwear, releasing the part of me that lacked a backbone but always had conviction.”

Bob Smith deserves credit for writing a romantic comedy, one of the most difficult genres to pull off. He gets props for publishing a reality-based book in these vampire-ridden times. But why did Smith, a successful comedian, TV writer, and author, choose to write about gay men so singularly obsessed with sex?

Here’s the first line of Nelson’s un-finished novel:

“Todd Greco still felt empty inside even with a big cock up his ass.”

The actor/addict responds:

“It’s funny…but it’s the wrong tone. Your book’s about a family. It’s not about sex, it’s about love.”

Wow. That’s one seriously weird meta-fictional loop. The addict knows what kind of book Smith wanted S&P to be. So why didn’t he write that book? I know some people think he did. Reviews of S&P are mostly positive. But for me, his characters are unrealistic and the plot is a preposterous love triangle. Writer follows fisherman to Alaska. Actor/addict follows writer and fisherman. They smoke pot, have sex, and eat poisonously fermented native plants. The end.

Smith is a talented writer. His dialogue flows and the story moves at a steady clip from one pratfall or seduction to the next. (It’s either calamity or climax for these guys.) Smith’s experience as a stand-up comic is obvious. The book is filled with one-liners, half of which are truly funny. And he describes Alaska with enticing details. I found myself curious about the state, which post-Sarah Palin is an accomplishment Smith should be proud of.

But every dozen pages I cringed with embarrassment. Listen to Smith describe falling into synch with a new boyfriend:

“Proof of our immediate intimacy was that after spending only two nights with him I lost my usual pee-shyness and could take a leak while he stood next to me brushing his teeth.”

Or I recoiled from the character’s internalized homophobia:

“I didn’t want violent friends, but I was proud that Dylan and Roy were a couple of ass-kickin’ butt fuckers.”

“He sported a set of baseball biceps that were remarkable on a man who most likely threw like a girl.”

Which is more offensive for being sexist. “Throwing like a girl” is an insult to women who can throw a ball as hard and fast (or slow) as they want. No, I’m not being overly sensitive. Sexism appears throughout the book:

“Sprouting under Thatcher’s lower lip was a patch of hair that made him look as if he had eaten pussy for dinner and dribbled a bit on his chin.”

“The seats in the cab were saturated with years of seawater and salmon. ‘It smells like mermaid skank,’ I said, unable to ignore the putrid stench but trying not to sound prissy.”

Really? Really!!

Call me crazy, but I believe gay men should be acutely aware of how misogyny works. I believe gay men can be better, smarter, and more inclusive. We can be feminists.

Smith is ambitious and talented and he has his fans. I’m optimistic he will write another, more mature and complex book. I’m hopeful that S&P is a story he needed to get out of his system, and next he will write something like what the addict suggests, something that’s “funny…but not about sex…about love.”

——

SELFISH & PERVERSE
By Bob Smith
Alyson Books
ISBN: 1593501498
Trade paperback, $15.95, 370p.

[Scott · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book ended nicely but I was totally bored during the beginning 2/3 of the book. The descriptions of the characters were such that I could not form an image of them in my head and I couldn't even remember the names of the characters.

I really enjoyed Bob Smith's first "memoir" and had high hopes for this book. Just not what I expected I suppose. The ending was descent, but overall the book felt like digging all of Texas for a gold nugget. You know you will eventually find it, but is it really worth digging up the entire state?

[frankie · Rating 4 out of 5]

i knew i would like this book but i had WAY more fun with it than i expected.

this book is a period piece in the way that i believe ANY media created & set in the early 2000s is, it's really a product of its time but it is such an interesting time and demographic (white gays) to be thrown into

you have to be willing and interested to also learn a bit about salmon and salmon fishing in detail in the middle there, but i absolutely was

smith is so witty and funny and the twists really got me, the characters infuriated me in a way that made them well-rounded and entirely human THIS WAS SO FUN

[Ulysses Dietz · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Selfish and Perverse" is smart and funny; with a romantic core that is as expansive as the Alaskan wilderness in which much of the improbable plot takes place.

...I have Bob Smith's "Remembrance of Things I Forgot" on my Kindle - and had been waiting for his other books to appear on Kindle. Finally, I couldn't wait any longer and ordered the actual print books. "Selfish and Perverse" is the first of these.

Nelson Kunkle, the narrator and chief protagonist, is very likely Bob himself, tweaked to fit the reality of this celebrated gay stand-up comic into the screwball sex comedy of the plotline. He is by turns endearing and irritating - even to himself; and the book follows him on a literal voyage of self discovery as he heads into the Alaskan bush on the heels of a boyfriend, Roy, who might well become something more.

I laughed out loud while reading this book, something that is a precious gift and makes me envious. But for all its light comic tone, this is a serious look at the nature of commitment; the nature of ambition; and the potential for a physical setting to profoundly affect one's heart and mind in equal measure.

To cite another title of one of Smith's books...Way to go Smith.

[Isis · Rating 2 out of 5]

A gay romance in which, just as in some slash fanfiction, pretty much everybody's gay. I think there are two straight characters in this book.

The writing is generally good (with a few really brilliant bits) but Smith apparently feels it necessary to tell us every bit of his research about Alaska and fishing and fishing in Alaska in frequent exposition dumps disguised as pointless and dull conversation.

The story itself is pure old-fashioned romance novel, attempting to update itself, I guess, by having some semi-explicit sex (I'd rate it hard R in the fanfiction world) and being, you know, gay, but I don't have any more patience for a man repeatedly throwing himself at clearly the Wrong Man than I do for a woman doing the same. Then again, if he wasn't, there wouldn't be a story. But much trouble would have been saved if Nelson had only possessed the sense God gave a turnip.

[Yasmin · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Bob Smith’s debut novel, Selfish and Perverse, is about Nelson Kunker, who lives and works in Los Angeles as a writer’s assistant for a show named Aftertaste. He hopes to write novels, and wonders if he’s stagnating: “What had me worried was that I was an artsy, thirty-four-year-old man who needed to confront whether I was really talented or just gay.”

That delicious line speaks volumes for and strikes at our notions of gay productivity. One-liners come easily to Smith, who’s better known as an openly gay comedian. To his credit, witty observations like this don’t stand alone; they’re fully integrated into a taut narrative filled with, for the most part, skillfully drawn characters....Although Smith’s considerable talents are wasted on a standard love story, this is a promising debut and bodes well for an original, inventive and very funny writer."
Here's my review of the book:

http://www.yasminnair.net/content/bob...

[Ed · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable, funny read.

If I were to have just read an overview of the plot, I probably would have skipped this. A gay romance between an aspiring writer, an Alaskan fisherman with the complication of a pushy movie star.

But, knowing that the author was Bob Smith, I gave it a try. I love his non-fiction and stand-up. I was not disappointed. He's terribly funny and charming in his writing.

[Mike Adams · Rating 3 out of 5]

At the time it was published, this was an enjoyably different gay fiction story. The (slightly autobiographical) TV show job our protagonist has was not as interesting as the descriptions and setting in Alaska (pre- S@r@h P@lin- sorry, I can't even type that creature's name without a touch of nausea).)

A closeted movie star, a goofy writer, salmon galore and local characters reminiscent of the TV show 'Northern Exposure' make for a big funny, story of awkward romance and confused people.

[Jonathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the perfect book to read coming off of a reading hiatus. Bob smith's writing is so engaging and funny, interspersed with profound insight. I didn't love this one quite as much as Remembrance of Things I Forgot, but that would've been nearly impossible. This book creates an indelible universe of unique characters and places. It is also very sexy.

[Nikki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Perfectly harmless fluff. If you're interested in Alaska, so much the better.

[Logan Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Was a great read. Made me nervous so many times. Will definitely read it again

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a lot of fun, and now I want to go to Alaska.

[Jeremy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The epigraph, from Beethoven, that begins Bob Smith's Selfish & Perverse sets you on the path to understanding what this book is going to be about. And where the title comes from. "The world is a king, and, like a king, desires flattery for a favor; but true art is selfish and perverse — it will not submit to the mold of flattery." So there you go. To be a true artist, you'll need to be selfish, and I guess also perverse. Smith only hits that mark of selfish perversity however at the end in this book of vainglorious actors, writers, fishermen, and Alaska. Nelson Kunker is 34 and works as a script coordinator for a low-rated sketch comedy show. He's also working on his book (re: the genre of writers who never write). On the day that the show gets the first public appearance of movie star Dylan Fabizak after he served time in prison, he meets Roy Briggs, a part-time set-fisherman and archaeology student from Alaska. After Nelson, Dylan, and Roy get caught smoking pot by Nelson's no-nonsense boss, and gets fired, the three head up to Alaska for the summer; Nelson and Roy as a couple, Dylan for research for his next movie in which he plays a fisherman from Alaska (how convenient). They fish, Nelson doesn't write, there's a lot of sex, thinking about sex, and wanting sex. The characters speak in a lot of one-liners, and seem to be all over the place in terms of what they relate to each other (re: sex). There is an early comedic, laugh out loud funny scene with Nelson getting stuck in the La Brea Tar Pits that's a highlight, and there is an acceptance and good humor roiling throughout. But (theme alert!) being selfish and perverse doesn't always pans out, in life, in art, and in books.

[Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely a terrific read. The book is of course very funny as Bob Smith was a wonderful LGTB stand up comedian. He has created three fully dimension characters and quite an interesting menage a trois. The background alternates between insider LA show business and Alaskan fishing life, and there are some very funny and sexy scenes. What unique and wonderful read! RIP Bob. You did good!

[Daniel Kaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nelson Kunker is a script supervisor for the low-rated, late-night sketch show ‘Aftertaste’. One day he meets Roy Briggs, an Alaskan archaeology students, and part-time salmon fisherman. The two instantly hit it off, and Nelson finds himself being whisked away to Alaska for the summer. However, the two are accompanied by one of Nelson’s biggest crushes, actor Dylan Fabizak, who is looking to research a character for his comeback role. Will Nelson be able to resist the hunky, flirtatious Dylan? I could tell you, but that would be a spoiler.

“A thoroughly seductive and satisfying read. It makes you laugh, it makes you horny, it makes you want to fish for salmon.” -Armistead Maupin

This one quote from the front cover sums it up perfectly for me. The characters are extremely seductive, and each in their own way. Nelson is loveable in a cute, inexperienced and clumsy way, with his intelligence, good looks and quick wit. Roy is ruggedly handsome, thoughtful and caring. And Dylan… well, sex-addict movie star, need I say more? If you’re reading this thinking that you don’t like to read gay sex scenes, you really needn’t worry. Much of the action is mentioned, but takes place off-the-page. To those of you thinking that’s a damn shame, you’d be surprised.

My only real complaint about this book, is that there is a huge overabundance of gay and lesbian characters in the book. You might think that strange coming from me, but it would have been nice to have some more variety. Okay, sure have some gay main characters, because the love-triangle doesn’t really work without that. Okay, so his best friend is a lesbian. But, the other guy they work with his gay? They meet an old Alaskan couple who are gay, starting to push it a little. Roy’s friend is gay. I’m all for some gay characters, but seriously, it’s like they’re just being inserted into the story for the hell of it now.

However, that is my only criticism of this book. It is downright funny, with some fantastic lines along the way. One springs to mind about how Nelson compares his appreciation of good-looking older men and women to the Sun in winter; being able to see the light, but not feel the heat.

All-in-all, a great book, and worth a read no matter your orientation. Just be warned, you may want to visit Alaska and try salmon fishing after reading this book. I know I’m tempted.

[Sophia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nelson Kunker is at a crossroads in life: single at thirty-four, he has to decide whether he is really talented or just gay. Working as the script coordinator at a late-night sketch television show and intermittently on his novel, Nelson meets two men who change his prospects in this witty, romantic but masculine story of art and gay love. In the same week, Nelson encounters Roy, a part-time salmon fisherman and archaeology student with soul mate potential when they bond over an obscure reference and Dylan, a muscled heartthrob guest appearing on the show after a stint in prison for drugs, trying to make a comeback. These three men are surrounded by wonderfully colorful (and gay) characters both in Los Angeles and in Alaska, where Roy has invited Nelson for the summer and Dylan goes to get in character for his comeback salmon-fisherman movie. Coffee Point, Alaska is an austere but beautiful setting where the men, like the salmon they catch, are insanely driven to sacrifice all in the quest to find love. The plot's improbabilities and Nelson's immaturity are balanced by intelligent and witty observations and likeable characters. Selfish and Perverse made me want to visit Alaska again.

[Jon O · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really loved Remembrance by Bob Smith. So, it was normal for me to have a high expectation of Selfish and Perverse. Definitely a worthy book to own and to read. Some lines got me chuckled. This book got the slutty gay character, the lack of self-confidence, the determined, the romantic and more.

The strange part was that it could be seen whom Nelson's perfect partner was. To drag Dylan to the end of the book was strange. In fact, the scene before Dylan's trouble was puzzling. It was clear cut that Nelson was already upset.. so, why the need to put Nelson in a situation where he would be submissive to Dylan's advances?

Would love to give this book a 5-star but the last plot turned me off. How dumb could Nelson be?

[Alistair · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hurrah! At last a novel that's as humorous as it claims to be. Who would've thought a novel about salmon fishing in Alaska could be a winner. In short order,Nelson Kunker is fired from his go-nowhere job on a lack lustre late night television show, meets someone who could just possibly be the love of his life and becomes entangled in an embarrassing situation that makes national news. Thinking to escape his sudden and unwelcome notoriety he accepts an offer to help fish for salmon in Alaska, but complications arise with the arrival of one of Hollywood's heartthrobs fresh out of prison and intending to research his next part, coincidentally, an Alaskan salmon fisherman. Funny moments, some snappy dialogue, an ability to write good sex, and you're on to something with this debut novel.

[Anthony · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book! The title is meant to be funny. Don't let it stop you from reading this book. I read the author thought it would be funny to see people reading this (and I admit I got some raised eyebrows). It's really hard to pinpoint the story here. To some, it will be a gay love story but I really think it's about a 30-something gay guy figuring out his life and what he wants in love and everything else. The characters are well-thought out and interesting. I couldn't put it down once I started. The internal monologue of the main character was sarcastic and hilarious. This won't be the book for everyone but I absolutely enjoyed every minute.

[Mouse · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's always such a delight reading queer lit that doesn't read like bad fanfiction (not to diss fanfic but still). I'd reccommend this novel to people who want to read a fun and cute story involving guys falling in love and learning to resist temptation. The characters were endearing, fleshed-out and interesting. Quite funny too.

I also immensely enjoyed the depiction of Alaska and Coffee Point; made me want to visit that state and see real fishermen in action :-)

[John Bateman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book makes me want to visit Alaska and find my Roy. The nontraditional love story between Roy and Nelson felt charming, witting, funny yet potentially disastrous, and held my interest throughout the love/hate feelings I had for Dylan. Dylan, despite his ego mania, was like the kid who never quite learns how to ride his bike and became a mildly sympathetic lesson in self-centeredness. I loved this book.

[Eddie Garcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It took me a week to read. The book just adds more reasons for me to go to Alaska. The author is one of my favorite gay fiction writers. He will have you laughing out loud. A must read for the 'mos out there :)

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. A romantic comedy that's actually romantic and funny. And sexy. And touching. It's like a good friend is telling you this really great story. Even teared up near the end. That's right, muthas!!!! Loved this book!!!!

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second book I read by Bob Smith and I LOVED it! This one is actually in story format and was hysterical (and a little sexy). I couldn't put it down. If you like funny stories, Alaska, and titalating tales of hot guys - this book is for you.

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very clever and never boring. The quips make you laugh out loud while the loneliness and honesty make you hurt. It's a very clever read by on average comic. But this book turned me into a huge fan of his for life!!!

[Patrick Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The narrator goes on a first date and ends up on national news as he sinks into the La Brea Tar Pits. And that's just in the first part of this hilarious novel that, ultimately, makes Alaska hot -- and not in a global warming way.

[Ed · Rating 4 out of 5]

best new fiction I read at the end of the year. hilarious.

[Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bob Smith is one of the funniest people on the planet. Great story, great characters. I wanted to be on this adventure.