A Letters to a Young Poet for now--but the poet is sixty and the sage, Rilke, is a dead wild woman who came of age in the forties.
A funny and moving little book for anyone who's struggled with being human.
At the age of sixty, Betsy Robinson craved an elder to advise her about her unemployment, her fears, and her shame. Who better to call on than her dead mother ... who had once before made her spirit presence known. In this work of fiction, based on an archive of letters, stories, and more, Robinson and her dead mother continue the writing partnership and collaboration that forged their unique friendship.
Who is this book for and why would people like it?
Conversations with Mom offers some wisdom to people of every age, but particularly to those of us who expect that we should be mentors or crones or at least grown-ups by the time we are on the cusp of being really old. It's a book for people who enjoy introspection and prefer difficult truths to shallow explanations.
Excerpts
From the chapter “Gratitude”:
Dear Mom, I’m tight as a girdle. How do I accept love? B
∞
Dear Potato Face, Just say “thank you,” then shut up. M
From the chapter “Worthiness”:
I wish I could have taught you to feel worthy, but I didn’t have it in me to teach. I cannot teach it to you now. Finding that is your job. But I can tell you that there are no accidents. It is not a mistake that you are alive and well. Nor is it luck. Can you believe that? Can you believe that an incomprehensible matrix of forces has created the fact that you are alive and well, and your own actions are a part of that, but hardly all? Can you believe that something that is you but is much more than you could be intelligent and compassionate and intentionally kind? Why is it so for you and not those who suffer unspeakable injustices? That I can’t answer. Some people say it’s karma from other lives, some believe it’s “God’s will.” Some try to give the suffering purpose in order to tell a story about it that makes human sense. I can do none of those things.
All I can tell you is that you are who you are because it is right. You have the life you have because you are part of something much bigger than you can imagine, and the part you play requires the life you have. It has nothing to do with being worthy or unworthy. It simply is. My life simply was. I did the best I could. You are doing the same, are you not? Let that be enough.
Love, Mom
_____________________ Paperback edition available exclusively from author's website.
I grew up in New York's Hudson Valley and have lived in New York City for more than 50 years. I was an actor for more than a decade and did an amazing array of ridiculous jobs to support that art. Then I became a magazine writer and editor. Now I am a book editor specializing in spiritual and psychological topics. But I write fiction--specifically, funny literary novels about flawed people. My novel The Last Will & Testament of Zelda McFigg won Black Lawrence Press's 2013 Big Moose Prize and was published in September 2014. My first novel, Plan Z by Leslie Kove, won Mid-List Press's First Novel Series award and was published in 2001.
Radio host Jonathan Schwartz tells an anecdote about Stephen Sondheim: When asked if he was happy about selling 25,000 copies of a book, Sondheim replied, "Yeah, but it's always the same 25,000 people who bought the last thing." Schwartz believes this is because Sondheim's work pokes people, throws light on their flaws, makes them squeal, "No, no, don't show that! Not that!" and this makes many folks uncomfortable. Feeling so exposed evokes a kind of existential hysteria, which people then attempt to explain through hysterical negative criticisms of Sondheim's work, rather than contemplating their own discomfort. But 25,000 people do like Sondheim--including me.
I like to be poked and my writing pokes. It pokes, makes you laugh, and sometimes cry.
Postscript I am an active reader on Goodreads and cherish my friends here whose reviews enrich my reading choices in ways I never anticipated when I first joined the community.
That said, please do not send me a friend request if you aren't interested in reading and haven't articulated why you want to be my friend in the question answer box in the friend request option. Specifically, if you are a guy looking to seduce and/or pull a scam on some lady, I'm not your lady and I will ignore your request and block you.
”Oh, but here in my heart I give you the best of my love” -- Best of My Love, Eagles, Songwriters: Don Henley
”At ten thirty p.m. on March 26, 1990, the doctor phoned from the ICU in Doctors Hospital on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. “Should I come in the morning?” I asked. “No, right now,”he told me. By the time I got there, all the tubes had been taken out of my mother’s body, the bellows on the breathing machine and the beeping heart monitor were blessedly silent, but my sixty-eight-year-old mother – my best friend and sometimes-writing partner – was still warm. So I kissed her on the forehead. “Oh, Mom,” I whispered. There was nothing left to say.”
∞
The above is from the Foreword to this book, written by Betsy Robinson, and I felt every single word of this as I read on. The wisdom imparted from her mother in this epistolary memoir-ish story feels so authentic, her mother’s voice in these letters seems to be so authentically hers, and so different from the author’s. There is a sense of “ah, now I get it, now I have the benefit of wisdom gained to share with you, to help you through the mystery of life,” mixed with the truths that you may not want to hear, the “stop feeling sorry for yourself” tone that occasionally crops up, but along with it comes a loving touch.
Life is a gift, but no matter how often we “forget” this fact, act as though it won’t happen to us, it is a gift that comes with an expiration date. This book is a gift, as well, the lessons it shares, the beauty and comfort of remembrances of the things we said, the things we wished we’d said, and the things that were said to us – in essence the love that is shared with or without words. Through this story she has introduced us as readers to this ”dead wild woman who came of age in the forties,” and she is a treasure, they both are.
“—my sixty-eight-year-old-mother —my best friend and sometimes writing partner—was still warm. So I kissed her on the forehead. Oh Mom, I whispered. There was nothing left to say”.
“My dear, sweet, sixty-year-old child, How I love you. How I love your honesty, your humor, your vulnerability, and your unique ‘Betsyness’”. “The shame you feel is a human condition”. “Love, your ever-loving Mumsy”
“ Sometimes I feel sad that there are living people I share history with who I have no connection with”. “Love B”
I am absolutely in love with Betsy Robinson!!!! Love e
A meditation on the problems of being a human in the world. Like the author, I lost my mother too soon, and the older I've gotten the more I've discovered that my struggles were very much like hers. I would like to be able to talk with her, to ask her if now she knows anything to help. Like me, Betsy Robinson wanted answers from her passed mother and wrote this book of conversations to answer the need.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I've been having similar conversations for the last 18 years with my own Mom who died at age 83. My Mom had the same kooky sense of humor that Robinson's mother did so I found myself laughing quite often at her acerbic replies to the letters. I, too, know exactly what my mother would say to my queries. Betsy did a good job of making this book a reflection of a daughter's ever lasting relationship with her mother that even death will not destroy. A good, easy to read book.
The book consists of a series of letters written by the author to her mother, who has been dead for many years, and some very insightful answers back. The letters tell the story of the author struggling with unemployment, while enjoying the freedom it gives her. Still she feels she should work, and she has a lot of other questions she hopes her mother might answer.
The author, Betsy Robinson, has worked in many diverse areas, from an actress and playwright, to an editor and author. This is an intensely personal account of many issues, things the author strives to understand and she feels the need to consult someone who, she hopes, has some answers. The chapters are labeled with the subject of the letter, and these are the issues we all face. Money, shame, loneliness, love, gratitude, addiction fear; just to name a few.
It is beautifully written, and the dilemmas and insecurities expressed are those which we all have experienced. Has what I've done in my life mattered? Now that I'm sixty years old, and looking back on my life, has it been worthwhile? And the often funny, cryptic answers returned by her mother, are a joy to read.
I think I will reread this book from time to time. It serves as a great reminder to all of us that we did the best we could, and we should not have regrets, and there is time remaining for us to continue on with our life's work, whatever that may be.
I couldn't write a review worthy of praising Betsy Robinson's book Conversations with Mom but I will certainly make every attempt. Betsy poses questions to her long deceased mother, as well as sharing her insecurities and dilemmas in order to see clarity. Questions and conundrums we have all at one time or another asked ourselves or will question in the future - Has what I've done in my life mattered?Now that I'm sixty years old, and looking back on my life, has it been worthwhile? It is a beautiful exchange of love, candid responses and humor. It is so personal and so very touching. This book struck home for me in so many ways, I will cherish this read forever.
Conversations with Mom is a book deserving of recognition. It is a sleeper that needs to be noticed. I guarantee you will be impressed by both content and writing style.
If you are fortunate to have that one person in your life that's your go to in the good and bad times life delivers - hug them. If you have lost your anchor - this book will mean the world to you and serve as a constant reminder they might not be here on earth but they have not left you.
Poignant questions with responses deserving notice. An absolutely lovely joyful read, unique. Conversations with Mom is now a favorite of mine. This book will be revisited many times in my lifetime. Just can't say/write enough about this book or the talent and creativity of Betsy Robinson.
I really loved this book -- it's funny, engaging, clever, insightful, and most of all, healing.
Betsy and her mom interact with a unique brand of love and humor while discussing life, death, and everything in-between. Although the details are personal, the basic issues are familiar to everyone.
Easy to read and easy to cherish, this is an eloquent book that speaks to the deepest levels of moving through family dysfunction and opening to love.
Conversations with Mom brought me to my knees . . . touching, hysterically funny and oh so wise . . . With whimsy, wisdom and wild abandon, we fall in love . . . A book that we all need, for we all need mentors and moms as we enter that age of the elder ourselves, and simply don't know what to do. —The Review Broads
Betsy took me on a journey with wit and insight, questioning each step of the way. I was compelled to join her in her imaginative but humble search for understanding of our humanness and frailty. Her humor helped me to keep going and shrug off any resistance or weariness on the climb. [Susan Trott’s] The Holy Man would have recognized her, I'm sure, and asked her to tea. —Melodie Somers, Coach: Theatre & Psychoanalysis
This little book is a treasure. There are nuggets of wisdom in these pages that had me laughing, and at times almost crying, as I saw reflections of my own experience, and found new ways to view them. Whatever your own mother-daughter relationship is or was, this very personal story will open your eyes and your heart in many ways. —Melinda Hopkins, Life Coach
Conversations with Mom courageously challenges the pathos and convictions of an inner voice familiar to us all, and comes out on top. Taking nothing for granted, with humor and insight, the author explores the questions that make a thinking person tick. I enjoyed reading this book! —Gil Hedley, Ph.D., Integral Anatomy Productions, LLC: Dedicated to exploring inner space
I made a friend through Goodreads. A wonderfully funny, intelligent, insightful friend. I’ve never met her, but in reading Conversations With Mom, I feel that I have. Betsy, thank you for sending me this extraordinary, contemplative work. I absorbed your words like skin does a balm.
I see so much of myself in these pages. The strained, salvaged, and ultimately rewarding relationship with my mother. The joy of observing from a distance, craving alone time, the tug to return home to my beloved fur baby whenever I’m away, remaining single and childless by choice. The fear of being trapped, the desire for utter and complete freedom, questioning my legacy and purpose.
Chapters Legacy, Shame, Creation (amazing!!!! Haha!), Bugs, Spirit Helper, and Being Social really resonated with me. Betsy’s vulnerability tore my heart out, tickled my funny bone, and charmed the socks off of me. Her mother’s “responses” were so utterly divine and hilarious. I can’t remember the last time I identified so strongly with someone else’s experience. I called my mom this morning and just wept over the phone with her, so grateful to have her with me still. This would be an excellent buddy read for mothers and daughters, and for solitary sojourners in the process of falling in love with the maya.
At one point, Betsy asks her mother “What if my belief that we are once more working together is all my imagination? What if my sense that what we’re writing is important is just a dream of glory?” I can answer that it IS important. Thank you for putting this out into the world, fellow INFJ.
GR friends, please visit Betsy’s website at betsyrobinson-writer.com to pick up your copy today.
I rarely give a book five stars, but this one richly deserves at least five stars and probably many more. Betty Robinson is far more eloquent than I, so here she is, explaining in her own words who this beautiful and wise book has been written for (I fit the bill perfectly!) :
'Conversations with Mom offers some wisdom, I hope—to people of every age, but particularly to those of us who expect that we should be mentors or crones or at least grown-ups by the time we are on the cusp of being really old. It's a book for people who enjoy introspection and prefer difficult truths to shallow explanations. It also chronicles the rather unique and funny relationship I had with my mother as well as my fun dysfunctional family history. So in that way, it’s a quasi-fictional-epistolary memoir. (Say that ten times fast.)'
From the chapter “Worthiness”:
I wish I could have taught you to feel worthy, but I didn’t have it in me to teach. I cannot teach it to you now. Finding that is your job. But I can tell you that there are no accidents. It is not a mistake that you are alive and well. Nor is it luck. Can you believe that? Can you believe that an incomprehensible matrix of forces has created the fact that you are alive and well, and your own actions are a part of that, but hardly all? Can you believe that something that is you but is much more than you could be intelligent and compassionate and intentionally kind? Why is it so for you and not those who suffer unspeakable injustices? That I can’t answer. Some people say it’s karma from other lives, some believe it’s “God’s will.” Some try to give the suffering purpose in order to tell a story about it that makes human sense. I can do none of those things.
All I can tell you is that you are who you are because it is right. You have the life you have because you are part of something much bigger than you can imagine, and the part you play requires the life you have. It has nothing to do with being worthy or unworthy. It simply is. My life simply was. I did the best I could. You are doing the same, are you not? Let that be enough.
Mothers have a special bond with their children that is unavailable to fathers; after all, it's the mother who carries the baby and endures the pain of labor (or miscarriage).
Many people wish they had asked their deceased parents questions about many things, like unemployment, disappointments, loneliness, and jealously. The author has written a fictional account of what her mother would say to her.
I won this book in a giveaway. I wasn't overly enthralled by this book, it was ok. I think it was a very interesting concept to be writing to her dead mom but at the end of the day it seriously just kinda freaks me out that she not only wrote to her dead mom but responded to herself from her dead mom.
It wasn't really my cup of tea, but I can see where it would appeal to some people. Perhaps if you were exploring your own relationship with a deceased family member, as author Betsy Robinson does here, this would be an almost therapeutic read?
I received this book as part of the Goodreads First Reads program.