Six Ways to Keep the "Good" in Your Boy: Guiding Your Son from His Tweens to His Teens

by Dannah Gresh, Bob Gresh

When bestselling author Dannah Gresh was body-slammed by her 12-year-old son, she was hit with raising a boy is a whole new ballgame! A boy's relationship with his mom during the formative age between 8 and 12 is vital to his future well-being. So how can moms teach sons to be honest, confident, and respectful when the world and situations encourage them to make bad decisions and grow up too fast? Dannah's practical experience and research, along with advice from her husband, Bob Gresh, provide a mom with six proactive ways to help her This accessible resource will empower moms with information and hope to raise sons of integrity and faith. Includes an insightful Connection IQ Inventory test, activity ideas, and Scriptures to pray over sons.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian, Family, Faith, Christianity, Christian Living

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2012

About the author

Dannah Gresh, a mother/daughter communication coach, has sold well over three quarters of a million copies of her books—including And the Bride Wore White and 2008's best-selling CBA youth book, Lies Young Women Believe (coauthored with Nancy Leigh DeMoss)—making her one of the most successful Christian authors targeting teens and preteens. With the belief that today's culture has been seeking to rob little girls of their innocence, Dannah has been fighting on the front lines to protect them. Her fun line of Secret Keeper Girl mom/preteen daughter connecting resources and live events that tour the country provide moms with just the right tools to fight back. She has long been at the forefront of the movement to encourage both tweens and teens to pursue purity and is often called upon to defend the conservative position of abstinence in national news media like USA Today, Time, Chicago Tribune, and Women's Wear Daily. She is also a frequent contributor to FamilyLife Today, Midday Connection, and Focus on the Family. Dannah lives in State College, Pennsylvania, with her husband, Bob, and their children, Robby, Lexi, and Autumn, whom the family adopted from China in 2007. She and her husband founded Grace Prep, a new model in Christian high school education, which Bob administrates. She is shamelessly in love with her labradoodle, Stormie. (DannahGresh.com)

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure if I gained anything from my reading of this book, except perhaps that it led me to focus more on raising my sons. I'm trying to build my relationship with one of my "tweens" right now. Gresh is a tolerable but not articulate or eloquent writer. The six ways she outlines seemed unoriginal to me and didn't add anything new to my parenting approach. Here they are: #1: Get Him Outside to Play, #2: Give Him a Book So He Can Discover a Real "Call of Duty," #3: Host Wing Nites and Fantasy Football Parties, #4: Celebrate His Entrance into Manhood, #5: Unplug Him from a Plugged-In World, and #6: Let Him Open the Car Door for You. In my words: your son should play outside, read good books, spend time with dad and other men, have conversations with parents about the birds and the bees, have limits on electronics, and respect women. No novelty there and not expressed profoundly either. Gresh's one strength seems to be in biblical exegesis. She interpreted a couple of scriptures, Proverbs 22:6 and 2 Timothy 3, by going back to the original Hebrew and Greek and gave me new insight into those passages. I will forever see those scriptures differently, and for that I am grateful. This could be a good selection for Christian parents wanting help in guiding their sons but is not a place to seek out new ideas or quotable passages.

[Juliana Haught · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off, I have to say that I couldn't give this book more stars because it's very Evangelical, bible-quoting Christian, and so much of the author's reasoning for having the values her family has, boils down to, "because the Bible says so". She also focuses a LOT of book time on the "evils" and "sins" of pornography and playing video games, but not a single mention is made about avoiding drugs. Huh. Granted, the author took her topics from a survey of other Evangelical Christian moms, and pornography and "temptations of the flesh" apparently were a huge concern, and drugs weren't. Anyway, I didn't give the book fewer stars because overall, I think the advice the author has about understanding the male physiology and mindset, the importance of connection with parents and with adult male role models that share your values, and the ways to impart your values all along in the growing up years, no matter what they are, are right on the mark. I didn't agree with every single thing the author said was important as a value, but if you can look past those parts and know what your own values and stances are, you can apply the same principles of imparting your values to your child, along with loving your child even when he strays from those values. That said, if the views of Evangelical Christianity really bother you, don't read this book.

[Lindsay Padgett · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have to admit I started reading this book and almost put it down. However, my finish what you start mentality won out and I continued on. While the author and I clearly have differing views (if your biggest fear for your son is aggressive girls, Harry Potter, & Victoria Secret ads, this is the book for you), I am glad I kept reading. The book offers some useful advice for all moms raising sons in our current times, such as supporting/encouraging reading over video games (unless it is Harry Potter ;-) and tips on bringing back the "gentleman" in our soon to be men.
It is an easy short read and would be even shorter without the constant mention of the authors other book Keeping the Little in Your Little Girl. So again, if you think walking by the Victoria Secrets ad in the mall, books like Harry Potter, or your son's "touchy" female class mate are going to lead your "good" boy to the "bad" side this book is a must read. If not, I would recommend making another selection.

[Christy Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This quick and easy read was packed with great info on parenting my boy! I loved that it was specifically geared towards tween boys too!

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

Uh...where do I start? I am reading this book for a small group at church and although I am four chapters from finishing, I just can't read any more. First of all, she talks about her "research." Her sources that she cites are from popular media, abcnews.com, Newsweek and evangelical sources such as Focus on the Family. Hardly unbiased and scholarly. Some of her other resources appear to be from polls she conducted with women who regularly log on to her website...hmmm...these are the kind of resources one uses in high school to write a report. Not even a self respecting college student would use these as their primary sources.

Another example of her "research" is in Chapter 1 on page 25 (didn't get very far into the book before I was screaming) The author states, and I quote "the first reason boys become bad is that the feminist movement has told us they are bad." She bases her belief on her readings from a book called Bringing up Boys by Michael Gurian. Hmmm....while I have not read that book, I'm guessing he is a traditional, conservative Christian. Which is fine, but not one I would go to as an expert on the feminist point of view.

Her writing is very simple and there is not a lot of substance or details behind her ideas. Not impressed at all.

I did continue to plug on reading the book and about the only good thing I got from it was to limit my sons' screen time to an hour a day and to let them choose how they use it. We do have limits on our boys' screen time but we have set a 30 min limit per device. However, including tv, they have four devices. I like the flat hour idea.

There you have it. One nice thing to say. Sheesh...I'll be donating this book to the local used bookstore.i

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great resource book. I didn't love the first part of the book, where the author rehashes the typical boy tips: how their brains are different, why they need to play outdoors more, you need to limit screen time, allow for quality time with dad, etc. I'd recommend you skim those chapters to get to the heart of the book, which is what the author is an expert on: preparing your tween for sexual purity. I learned a lot from these chapters, which cover body changes, aggressive girls, pornography, and sex. They contain contain explicit directions on when to introduce what topics, what to say and which parent should do the talking. Some of these early conversations need to happen around age 8-10, so I will be re-reading this again next year to make sure we are staying on target.

If you have a girl, Dannah Gresh is the founder of the very popular "Secret Keeper Girl" movement and has an identical book like this for girls- "Six Ways to Keep the Little in your Girl".

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm so thankful for this book! Being a mom, I don't really understand man-culture. This book really opened my eyes and taught me some of the very things I was annoyed by were the very things my son and husband needed most. It even touched on some things I'm not ready to think about but most certainly need to. Highly recommend.

[GONZA · Rating 2 out of 5]

Even if there are some good imput in this book, there is too much religion and I do not really think that considering "bad" the drives towards sex of children and try to challenge or ignore it are safe for them.
THANKS TO NETGALLEY AND HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS FOR THE PREVIEW

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I couldn't even finish it. I don't know what it was, but the author's over-zealous style drove me crazy.

Had some good concepts, couldn't get past the "greater than thou feel" portrayed by the Gresh couple.

[Timothy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers a lot of practical advice in connecting with your sons. As a believer in Christ, I resonated with their incorporation of religious ideologies - if you're not a believer, you may struggle with this aspect of the book. They're upfront with their faith-based approach and lay this out early in the book. My rating and appreciation of the book may be the reflection of my existing beliefs or biases that the book discusses. I don't feel like this book changed my thought-processes about parenting as much as refined some of my ideas and helped me to articulate to myself and discuss with my wife why we do some of the things we do when it comes to parenting. I appreciated Dannah's acknowledgement (and emphasis) the central role of a father in raising boys. That's not to say that a mother's role isn't important, but to become a man, a boy needs to see a man in the family. That said, the book was written by a mom to moms, so I don't think I was part of the target audience. One aspect that the book did address that has been on my mind a lot lately was that of video games and specifically the impact on my sons. It can be a source of friction in our home for certain and how my sons view video games, how I view video games, and how we play them is something that requires some thought, scrutiny, and addressing.

[Laura Quijas · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Star - I needed and learned much from this book, only wishing I had picked it up earlier! Definitely a must read for moms/dads of younger boys, 8 years old or so. My son is 13 and I felt I was so late to the game to barely start talking about bodily functions and aggressive girls. I still have a lot to implement from this book and am very grateful for the information and tips. This year of 2020 has also slowed down the pace of life and having my teen be home for so much of the year I feel has kept him "young" longer than had he been in school with peers this year; so perhaps I am not so late at approaching the topics in this book.

This book is written from the mom perspective but with lots of input from dad (sections where Dannah's husband chimes in are enlightening and helpful!) and also with consideration for single moms and single parents so I feel it would be a good ice breaker for any parent.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book taught me a lot about how a mom is so important in her son's life. Much of the book didn't apply to me, but I like how it could work for families of just one child to ones that have multiple children.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical suggestions

[Momma Aimee · Rating 2 out of 5]

the reading was entertaining enough, if campy. HOWEVER the topic is beaten to death, nothing new, same old thing. zzzzzzzzzz

[Cara · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of my biggest take-aways was the concept of 'wolfing' by fathers and/or father figures. I recognize it in action now in my everyday.

[Grace Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing earth shattering, didn’t agree with it all, but some good reminders. Super easy read. The author kept mentioning and recommending their other books to the point that it felt a bit salesy.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars rounded up. This book was just ok. I didn’t learn anything earth shattering and became pretty annoyed at the author and all her stories about her ‘perfect’ son, but I pushed through. The book was very heavily Christian centered (which I was completely ok with), but I ironically felt it was also judgmental and almost too traditional. The two big things it highlighted for me (which I knew, but it was worth being reminded) were: 1) having a good, consistent male role model (be it Dad or another man) is SO important and 2) having a discussion about sex/sexuality/pornography/etc. is important to do earlier than you think you need to because of the ability to access things more easily (and thus at an earlier age) online.

[Nora · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some really worthwhile advice for any parent struggling to help their son stay on the straight & narrow.

"It doesn't matter what connects you. It just matters that you create intentional togetherness--and a lot of it."

"My kids are individuals. They each connect differently to me."

"Your child is more likely to experience positive, prosocial behavior if he or she experiences parent-child connectedness."

Deuteronomy 11:18-19 Proverbs 22:6 & 31

"It was a mark of his significance that I gave him my time. I now know that it was important for my son to just simple have me set that time apart to focus on him. I honored him with time, and he noticed."

" Your son's community should be made up of Dad, other men your son can look up to as role models, and peers who choose to live well and have the parental support to do so."

"I want you to know that you have permission to speak to my son the way a dad ought to. If you see him out of line, you may speak into his life."

Male call of duty to protect vs. false sense of purpose or mission. Your son needs to save the world & conquer. Gaming=isolation.

Give him books that push him to be more than he is. *Dangerous Book for Boys*

1-2 hours day screen time. Push him to go outside. Prepare to be the bad guy.

"Our boys need a little bit of physical adventure to discover their purpose and to have an outlet for the desire to take risks and be aggressive."

Contract of sexual purity? Weekly Father-Son time & $ to invest. Initiate him into your adult community. Encourage good friendships.

"Reputation is what people think you are. Character is who you are when no one is around."

Aggressive girls vs. good girls--differences? Talk about it.

Set a standard of restraint in regards to your son's sexual behavior. Wet dreams are a sign of heroic sexual purity. They show that a boy is not masturbating voluntarily & not indulging in selfish self-pleasuring.

"Today's porn doesn't just misuse God's gift of sexuality--it misrepresents it grotesquely." Aggressiveness--lack of connection--using each other.

***Look for Safe eyes & Covenant eyes filters. Internetsafety.com

Porn=toilet water
Eat together & NO screens!
The brain--use it or lose it.

Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
2 Timothy 3:1-5

Service
Honor
Integrity
Gentlemanly behavior

Proverbs 31
Ephesians 5:3 & 25-29

"Positive messages are more potent than negative ones."

A man is charged with heading his family's spiritual well-being.

"Remind your son often that the purity of any of his relationships with women is his responsibility, not theirs, and define the boundaries clearly for him."

[ColleenaMareena · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like the concept of this book: discuss and set forth your standards for dating and morals before your child has to face them, eat dinner together, play outside, spend time with your kid, let them ask you questions and answer truthfully, teach them to run away from porn and make it as hard as possible for them to get it, etc. The author's style was a little infuriating though. I'm Christian, and our family is very day-to-day religious (we're Mormon), and this book was just too preachy for me. There are some things I completely disagree with (her interpretation of the Fall of Adam & Eve, for example). I almost put the book down when she said "There are some products marketed directly at our sons that are outright bad--Grand Theft Auto or Dungeons and Dragons come to mind." (p. 87) Um, what? I completely agree that Grand Theft Auto is something scary and terrible to me as a mother, but Dungeons and Dragons? And then, the real kicker was when she claimed that Harry Potter blurred the lines between good and evil, because the characters use witchcraft and try to claim that it is for good, even though God has told us that all witchcraft is evil. So....she gave her son Lord of the Rings to read instead. As anyone who's read it knows, the Harry Potter series is one of the most amazing pieces of fiction ever written about good vs. evil, the importance of doing what's right even when it's hard, friendship, loyalty, learning, and good parents. And I LOVE Lord of the Rings, but....Gandalf? Right? Isn't he a wizard or something?

However, my absolute favorite thing was "His wife's purity, and the purity of other mens' future wives that he might date before he finds his wife--is HIS responsibility." I think it's so important to teach our sons to be gentlemen, to help and care for those around him, and to give them this responsibility--not as a guilt-trip, but as something he can be proud of, is an awesome concept. It fits perfectly along the lines of: rather than only teaching our women and girls to be safe, not go out alone at night, not pass out drunk at parties, etc., we must also (or maybe even MORE so) teach our sons NOT TO RAPE WOMEN.

[IrenesBookReviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

Six Ways to Keep the Good in Your Boy is more then just a book about parenting boys. This book is filled with ways to be a better parent as well as how to help your son grow up well adjusted.

The author, Dannah Gresh and her husband, Bob Gresh, write this book to help parents understand their sons better. As boys grow older their needs change and parents have to learn how to meet those changing needs.

The first part of the book is the informative part. It is about what makes a male a male. It helps explain why they react the way they do. It is helpful to understand this information before moving on to the real meat of the book that the title mentions, the six ways to help your son as he grows up.

The first and easiest way is to make sure they get outside playtime. You may think that only little ones need this. The Gresh’s do a great job of explaining how this physical play helps boys grow emotionally, physically and mentally. The other five ways are easy to understand and easy to follow through with.

I liked how the husband had his parts that he spoke up on to give the reader a man’s point of view. I enjoyed reading it but wish there had been more then the six areas. If they had filled the book with less beginning information they could have had more specific points to help guide your sons into adulthood. Overall it was a good book to learn about helping your sons grow up into good men.


I would like to thank Netgalley and the publisher for the copy of this book I enjoyed reading. I gave an honest review based solely on my opinion of what I read.

[Jodi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Boy! Parenting is a tough job and I want to do the best I can to raise, happy, healthy, well-adjusting, contributing members to society! I also want my children to grow up with good morals and to have a relationship with God. This book gives a lot of ideas to do just that and to hopefully keep them chaste until marriage. This book told me the key years to help a boy to develop into a man of integrity is between 8 - 12 so I am right at this critical point with my son! Eek! The good news - my boy LOVES to play outside and spends a lot of time in the woods with his buddies. He could care less about computer games and his tv viewing is probably way less than the normal kid his age (sadly, can't say the same for my couch-potato daughter - we are trying though!). I also loved the comment about giving him "half-assembled" toys like LEGOS. Doing that too! I loved the comment about letting him take risks such as climbing trees and building forts with tools - these risks which could cause a broken bone are probably safer in the long run than what he might encounter on the internet or some tv show with the lack of morals that could be in these places. I plan to read more books by Dannah Gresh! I want to win the fight when raising my soon-to-be teens to have good morals!

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

Update after I read Gresh's Six Ways to Keep the Little in Your Girl: Gresh's bread and butter is girls' purity. Her book about girls is fantastic. The boys' version is sub par.


I recommend this book to Christian mothers of tween boys or younger. (You can't learn this information too soon, which is why I plan on reading Gresh's book about tween girls BEFORE my daughter hits age 8.)

I gained much information from this book, and it has positively affected my parenting of my tween boys.

BTW: This is officially the LEAST professional book I have ever read. There is grass art on the bottom of the pages throughout the book. There are "Random Bob Thoughts" from her husband. At times, Gresh and her husband write as though they are texting friends or posting a blog. My personal opinion is that nonfiction should be written with a higher level of professionalism than this book uses. However, I still recommend it!

[Cara Fox · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. It is a Christian parenting book, so be forewarned about that. But there are so few books out there on how moms can connect with and positively impact their sons. This one had its fair share of what dad/male role model needs to do, too, but made me think about a few things I hadn't considered before - like identifying other positive male role models for my sons in addition to my husband, having "the talk" earlier than I probably would have otherwise, and raising my sons to be not just a good boy, but a gentleman (putting others first) - which is key to attracting the kind of girl I want him to marry. Speaking of girls I want them to marry, there is also a chapter on preparing boys to manage/appropriately respond to "aggressive" girls (which sadly, I think are becoming more and more common). Good read and I'd like to make my husband read it, too.

[Ily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though I do not share all the same religious beliefs as the author, I feel that she and her husband did a pretty good job in laying out a game plan to help you raise your son to be a good man.

Their ideas were very much in line with the methods of scouting through the Boy Scouts of America. Felt good to know that someone else agrees that those methods are good.

I especially liked the idea presented that it is much easier to build a framework and knowledge of their bodies and how intimacy should be early on in a tween boy rather than try to tear down the walls and structure- AKA misguided information- that your kids get from media, their friends, and porn elsewhere.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

There was no earth shattering information. I didn't agree with all the first part info of what makes boys or men "bad" or some of her doctrinal understanding, especially Adam and Eve. Get boys outside,read good books, limit screen time, teach them about sex and celebrate manhood, teach them to be gentlemen. The author has one son who was 21 at the time of writing and 2 teen daughters. It was a little preachy and self promoting of other works by the author. There were several mentions of other books that may be good by other people. Some of the scriptural insight we good.

[Jaime Crawford · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author had a lot of practical advice and realistic facts/statistics on how the sludge of the world is truly heading toward my 9yr and 7yr old boys. I want to be proactive in keeping both my sons pure and raise them up to be great men of God. This book is not the most eloquent. It is not a literary masterpiece. However, it gives great encouragement for the pursuit and purpose of the parents of boys. It was definitely worth reading.

[Julie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I skimmed this book, and it scares me that people are reading this. In the portions I read she uses Bible verses to explain why women are more susceptible to believing lies than men. Her proof is that women believe they are fat even when they aren't, and that our gullibility can be traced back to the garden of Eden. Makes my stomach churn. Maybe it has some good ideas. I don't know, because I found it so offensive, I could never read the whole book. Toxic garbage laced with Bible verses.

[Vicky · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was due today, so I skimmed through it. Most of it looks good, so I'll get it again and read it more thoroughly.

2nd time-I read it more thoroughly. Having boys that are this age and a little past, I found this information to be over-simple, overprotective at times, and overall not terribly helpful.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

The main focus of this book is instilling a foundation of sexual purity in your sons. It is mostly directed toward mothers, but also has sections for Dads. It contains excerpts from the author's husband.I found some of the statistics in this book alarming. I will probably refer to this in the years to come as I am just now entering the "tween" years of parenting.

[Heather Ju · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect for parents seeking to raise their boys to keep their eyes and hearts pure. Practical wisdom for raising boys - completely relevant for my walk as a Christian mom longing to influence my 10 & 8 year old boys as they live in the world. Would recommend to anyone raising boys - especially in the tween years!