Trying to Grow

by Firdaus Kanga

8vo.

Genres: Fiction, Indian Literature, Queer, India, Disability

Hardcover

First published January 1, 1991

Reviews

[Gorab · Rating 4 out of 5]

This turned out to be such a gem of a book.

I am a sucker for coming of age stories.
This one was tender yet ripe, dealing with multiple difficult themes - handicap, confused sexual awakening, lust, betrayal, broken soul, dynamic friendship and to top it all, a slice of Mumbai Parsee lifestyle.
Studded with dry sarcasm, dark humor and witty conversations.

Loved:
Impeccable story weaving in first half.
Depiction of relations between Brit and Cyrus. Beautifully expressed!
Even the saddest moments are painted in a funny hue - Have you ever cried after you've had a cry? It's like trying to get an orgasm five minutes after you've just had one - all you get is dry heaves!
Brit's feelings for her troubled tutor - Madame Maneckshaw. That whole episode had high EQ - "Sorry, I couldn't stay!"
That part when Sam accompanied Dolly - with a scarf on his head. Felt very sad reading that.
The potpourri of characters around Brit - Dolly, Sera, Sam, Tina, Ruby, Cyrus, Defarge. Most of them felt so natural.
Classic literary references - spoken like Mrs. Danvers from Rebecca, situation like Pride and Prejudice, Loch Ness Monster,
References to the fire temple, tower of silence, subtle hints to Parsi dishes, culture and way of life.

Did not like:
Introduction of Amy and where it headed, was in contrast to the parts with Cyrus. Felt cliched, pretentious, happy go lucky.
But then this is documented as semi-biographical! So not a complete fiction. Stuff actually happens!

Sample conversation:
Dolly's first conversation with a prospect groom
Dolly - "What do you think of Kant's categorical imperative?"
Groom - "Must be a new group. Haven't heard of it."
D - "I was talking philosophy, not music. Ok next. Do you think the paintings of Turner pointed the way to Debussy's music---".
G - "I don't know this arty-farty stuff. Play fair and ask some science questions."
D - "How many light years ago was the earth born?"

Overall: Very much recommended. For the flavors of troubled mind, inferiority complex, LGBTQ, crumbling family lives.

[Jyotsna · Rating 3 out of 5]

‘It’s not always right to love people, no matter what they do. You’ve got to draw a line somewhere.’

I really wanted to like this book, but unfortunately, there are a few things I really hated like the way the author deals with death in general. I do not mind dark humour, but I do mind the negative connotations or non-verbal gestures surrounding it.

It's good, but not that good as per my initial expectations.

[Poonam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really lovely book. Witty and poignant at the same time. Writing that was devoid of self-pity and rather matter of fact reminded me of Frank McCourt's 'Angela's Ashes'.

Parsee life style (their Anglophilia) in Bombay of 70-80's. All old Bombay landmarks. When teens looked upon Shirley Temple.

Both the themes of sexuality and survival find place. Well-written, once I reached chapter 3, I never put the book down.

The only time I thought that book was about to let me down was in make-believe-happy-Amy-Brit episode but then story soon turned and regained its honest narrative.

A book that can easily be re-read for pleasure. This from me who has only re-read Sherlock Holmes so far.

[Ayush · Rating 1 out of 5]

Don't read this book unless you're forced to.
There is no ambition in "trying to grow" it's just a book about indiscriminate promiscuity with random snippets of "independence" and "dignity" to retain the readers attention.
I would give it 0 stars if I could.

[Mridula · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the zest of the author. Gives hope.

[⋆.˚ Ariana ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t think I’d like this book as much as I do now. My first impression of this book was like, ‘Did I buy the right book?’ 😅 it’s because it started off strong for an academic text—-if you read it you’d know what I mean. But I enjoyed the book, nonetheless. It had its funny parts, better to say hilarious parts. I liked the family dynamic in this book, they were all supportive, loving, kind and understanding toward one another, which is kind of rare in any brown family. I got familiarised with Parsee society, a little, and the death ritual was a of bit shock to me, however I respect it, fully! The farewells in the book were a little sentimental to me, not as emotional, but the way you feel a pang of hurt in your chest for a few seconds; the kind of hurting that lets you know it’s there but not for a long period of time. I liked and disliked all the characters—-apart from the Kotwal family—-they all had the parts which you enjoyed and the parts where you didn’t like to get a sight of. Brit’s character was new to me, not in the sense of his brittle bones, but more of his personality. He fought off well, and if people around him didn’t look down at him as much as they did, I’m sure he would’ve loved himself more than he already did. Along with the Kotwals, Cyrus was a bit near to my favourite character. Though he was a bit of a player, but he explained his, a bit unreasonable, reasons.
I just realised I used the word ‘bit’ a lot. Sometimes I get like this, I get stuck with the word that I feel like explains the things that I wanna explain perfectly 💀. Anyways, I tended for this review to be short, but I always get carried away while writing reviews.

[Keya Ahrestani · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was recommended this book by my mom as it's one of the few true, and relatable to my family experience, Parsi stories out there. I found it simple and easy to read, but not easy to the point where I was bored and felt unsatisfied as I read it. It was sweet story filled with small bites of tragedy you almost miss the depth of because that's just the Parsi way. Tragic things happen but we still have another cousin's recent weight gain to poke fun of or another family's money problems to gossip over. Would recommend this book to everyone but especially young Parsis, it brought back fond memories of my grandmother and it was nice to see my family's history represented in literature.

[Kirin · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Picked this up only because it was set in Bombay.

Insightful and sweet at times but ultimately not a fav as it didn’t go that deep into the exploration of self worth and love. The humour was playful and definitely captured my attention. I enjoyed this random read that I found at massey books in van

[Laine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Strange book - I think i just couldn't relate or understand the main character.

[Saurabh Sharma · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wrote a longform piece on queer fiction from India for The Chakkar: ‘In fiction, one finds the opportunity to utter the unsayable’ – An exploration of Queer Literature from India. This review is borrowed from the same.

A story that shows mirror to the ableist society and queer rights movement

When we talk about a myriad of gender and sexual experiences, we often ignore people with alternate abilities. I was happy to discover that a fictional account by a person with differential abilities existed. Most recently I finished reading Trying to Grow, an autofiction by Firdaus Kanga. It is a story of a Parsi family who takes their only son to every doctor and baba, after giving up on such visits and finally reconciling with the fact that their son has a disease: osteogenesis imperfecta. As per the explanation of the doctor, who said that their son has brittle bones, the family nicknames their child ‘Brit’.

Brit isn’t allowed to do basic things himself, as “you know how it is, when you can’t do some things, people feel you can’t do anything.” Not only that, as anyone brought up in or by an Indian family will attest to this fact, a disability means that one gets ascribed as having an absence of desire. A disabled person is made to feel that someone agreeing to marry or keeping a relationship with them must be doing a favour. In Brit’s case, things were altogether different, which, as he says, led his family to invent this formula: “osteo = sexlessness.” Overall a moving tale of desire and growing up in an oppressive world made for able-bodied people, Trying to Grow is a story about an assertive man who goes on to doing things that he did because he desired to do so.

[Arundhati Girish · Rating 5 out of 5]

A disabled protagonist is rare to come by. Brit tells his own story unapologetically. He puts on a brave act and tries to grow through life. He loves, he loses, he lives. His relationship with his family members and friends shows how he grew up in a supporting environment and how they shaped him to be who he is. He undauntingly explores his sexuality. Osteo has taught him tough lessons but his spirit isn't as brittle as his bones.

[Ridvan Düzey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh, just meh.

[Mia · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5

[Navya · Rating 4 out of 5]

a tad bit too long but maybe that was required to build a complete character development for brit

[Katy Dietrich · Rating 3 out of 5]

talked about lots of issues like disabilities and sexuality and growing up, at parts the dialogue was hard to follow and the story felt a bit like it was dragging

[Spine Dining · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this one up because I saw it on a few top-10 kind of lists about books that have been written about Bombay, or based on or in the city. For the longest time, it wasn't even available to purchase. So it was on my radar, and I was happy to be able to obtain it at all and check it off my list. On the plus side, it allows one a glimpse into the South Bombay, Parsi community lifestyle of a few decades ago - not to mention the author's disability, and the LGBT theme, but on the other hand, I couldn't identify with some of it. The bit about him coping with his condition, and references to the city - that sustained my interest. I am not into mush of the Mills & Boon variety - there is a sort of love triangle and protracted dialog in between them that is tedious to read at times. If it runs on for more than a page or two, without the narrator pitching in to clarify what is happening, I begin to forget who said what and I must backup and read it all over again - which I find tiresome and then I can't wait to get it over with and the book is less pleasure, more punishment. I realize that, that's more my problem, not so much the author's, but it was compounded by the fact that at a few points the book only had the dialog without indicating who was saying it. (I understand that this is a novel, and not a play) You have to pay careful attention and decide for yourself, which you can do from the context if you're used to reading this kind of literature, but difficult otherwise, especially if one has a low attention span, if one is not concentrating hard enough or is distracted for whatever reason. This isn't a very big problem, because it is not that voluminous a book, nor does it happen too often. There were also a few cultural references from back in the day, and because I was reading it off a paperback, offline, I couldn't google them up. So, those were lost on me. Also, major incidents (won't mention them here else I'll have to put up spoiler alerts) were presented in the most anti-climactic, pedestrian way, the one place that needed any kinda literary flourish was completely devoid of it, even dealt with in a plain, matter-of-fact manner. That said, some passages are reasonably well written. I'd sooner pick Rohinton Mistry if I wanted to read about the Parsis in the Bombay of old though. Not the greatest of reads then, but not half-bad either. Needless to mention, and redundant even, this was groundbreaking stuff for an Indian author, when it first came out.

[Sathish · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hmmm, the book is a good light read, It was able to sustain the flow. Well, I wondered why the author chose such a backdrop for this novel but after learning that this novel was more of a semi-autobiographical, I really appreciate what the author was trying to convey.
The author's point that "LOVE OUT OF SYMPATHY IS JUST TEMPORARY" is really valid one and he has etched it out in the novel well...

[Palak Bhandari · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kanga writes about disability, sexuality, and growing up in a Parsi family with so much honesty, but also with wit and humour that makes even the heavier parts feel approachable. I liked how he mixes vulnerability with sharp observation it’s both funny and heartbreaking at times. It’s the kind of book that makes you laugh, then suddenly think deeply about identity and acceptance.

[Jill · Rating 2 out of 5]

I loved the craziness of the family at the beginning of the book, but they got irritating. Only a couple of the characters were developed to my liking. And dinner at the Taj several times a week? You've got to be kidding me.

[Mom2nine · Rating 2 out of 5]

The fact that this book is semi-autobiographical, adds legitimacy to the story. The continual talk of sex was tiresome. Perhaps he was showing that he had adult feelings, although he was often looked over or treated as a child. Interesting premise and okay story.

[Yash Lakra · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Gem of a book. Really loved reading this one.

[Vee · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5