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Head above Water: Reflections on Illness
This lyrical hybrid memoir revisits a lifetime's worth of personal journals to slowly piece together a narrative of chronic illness—a moving account of survival, memory, loss, and hope. Shahd Alshammari is just eighteen when she is diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and told by her neurologist that she would not make it past age thirty. Despite what she is told, by thirty, she has become a professor of literature, and has managed to navigate education systems in both Kuwait and the United Kingdom and inspire generations of students. Head above Water is the intimate, philosophical memoir of Shahd Alshammari's life of triumph and resistance, as a woman marked "ill" by society and as a lifelong reader, student, and teacher. Charting her journey with raw honesty, Alshammari explores disability, displacement, and belonging—not only of the body, but of culture, gender, and race, and imparts wisdom of profound philosophical value throughout. It is people, human connections, that keep us afloat, she argues—"and in storytelling we have the power to gain a sense of agency over our lives."
176 pages, Paperback
First published January 31, 2022
17 people are currently reading
746 people want to read
About the author
Shahd Alshammari
13 books130 followersShahd Alshammari is a literature professor and lives with Multiple Sclerosis. She writes about illness, women's bodies, and gender.
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April 20, 2022
"Stories make up our most vulnerable moments, and in storytelling we have the power to gain a sense of agency over our lives."
"
Head Above Water is a memoir about illness, disabled bodies, friendship and a love of language and stories. Alshammari reflects through conversations on these topics with her friend Yasmeen and draws us in as a reader in to feel like another confidante. She also touches heavily on her identity as a Kuwaiti-Palestinian and how this has shaped her experiences.
After finishing this book I sat and pondered it for a while as I tried to formulate my review and struggled to find the words to properly capture my thoughts and feelings. Some of the finer details have slipped by since reading this but I think this has allowed me to focus on the feelings the book evoked and why I enjoyed it so much. When I look back I think about the beauty of the prose, the reflections about illness, language, relationships and body that struck me. When I read a memoir I want to be moved, I want to be immersed in another's experience and seek to reflect on the world through the eyes of another. Alshammari does exactly this and I could not put this book down.
This is a memoir for literary lovers, for those looking to read more from disabled and sick women but this is also just a memoir that I highly recommend. If you've read Catherine Cho's memoir Inferno which was a favourite of mine from last year, I would highly recommend this one. Thank you so much to the lovely @sofia_reading and @neemtreepress who put this book in my hands.
"We cry because we are strong enough to feel. We cry because we went through the woods and fell in love. We cry because we weren't always on autopilot. There is a beauty in allowing yourself to cry that I don't think many or us have mastered yet."
Head Above Water is a memoir about illness, disabled bodies, friendship and a love of language and stories. Alshammari reflects through conversations on these topics with her friend Yasmeen and draws us in as a reader in to feel like another confidante. She also touches heavily on her identity as a Kuwaiti-Palestinian and how this has shaped her experiences.
After finishing this book I sat and pondered it for a while as I tried to formulate my review and struggled to find the words to properly capture my thoughts and feelings. Some of the finer details have slipped by since reading this but I think this has allowed me to focus on the feelings the book evoked and why I enjoyed it so much. When I look back I think about the beauty of the prose, the reflections about illness, language, relationships and body that struck me. When I read a memoir I want to be moved, I want to be immersed in another's experience and seek to reflect on the world through the eyes of another. Alshammari does exactly this and I could not put this book down.
This is a memoir for literary lovers, for those looking to read more from disabled and sick women but this is also just a memoir that I highly recommend. If you've read Catherine Cho's memoir Inferno which was a favourite of mine from last year, I would highly recommend this one. Thank you so much to the lovely @sofia_reading and @neemtreepress who put this book in my hands.
"We cry because we are strong enough to feel. We cry because we went through the woods and fell in love. We cry because we weren't always on autopilot. There is a beauty in allowing yourself to cry that I don't think many or us have mastered yet."
April 28, 2022
Head Above Water: Reflections on Illness
Engaging and beautiful, this memoir resonates so much, from the writer not being ‘allowed’ to be ill as a child to her realising illness is random and shocking, and the feelings of failure and humiliation that can follow.
The writer is an Arab woman of a different generation to me and yet I identified with so much – her fear of ageing faster than her peers, her feelings of voicelessness, the struggle with her sense of identity, and her attempts to fit into (and fight against) society’s expectations.
This is a rich, lyrical, honest account of living with a chronic, painful condition which deals with pain and loss, and yet is a joy to read.
Engaging and beautiful, this memoir resonates so much, from the writer not being ‘allowed’ to be ill as a child to her realising illness is random and shocking, and the feelings of failure and humiliation that can follow.
The writer is an Arab woman of a different generation to me and yet I identified with so much – her fear of ageing faster than her peers, her feelings of voicelessness, the struggle with her sense of identity, and her attempts to fit into (and fight against) society’s expectations.
This is a rich, lyrical, honest account of living with a chronic, painful condition which deals with pain and loss, and yet is a joy to read.
October 23, 2021
من أروع وأعمق الكتب التي قرأتها وتركت بصمة في القلب والذاكرة، كتاب مؤثر لسيرة ذاتية لكن ليست ككتب السير الذاتية التقليدية بل وكأنك تقرأ رواية مترابطة ومنفصلة في آن واحد، مع كل فصل هناك قطعة من روح الكاتبة تمثل حدث من أحداثها المصيرية والتي غيرت مجرى حياتها لتجتمع تلك القطع في النهاية متمثلة في عنوان الرواية (رأس فوق الماء) وهي رمزية للكفاح والاستمرار لإيجاد معنى للحياة حينما يصل المرء لمرحلة لا يظن بأن للحياة معنى.
يتناول الكتاب قصة الكاتبة وهي دكتورة في الجامعة حيث في بداية كل فصل هناك مدخل من مذكراتها التي وقعت في يد طالبة من طالباتها لنخوض في خبايا وأسرار وتشابكات مع مرض التصلب اللويحي وكيف سارت الحياة منذ اكتشاف إصابتها به.
كتاب يستحق القراءة
شكرا للكاتبة وشكرا لشجاعتها في عرض تفاصيل قد لا يجرؤ الكثيرين على عرضها.
يتناول الكتاب قصة الكاتبة وهي دكتورة في الجامعة حيث في بداية كل فصل هناك مدخل من مذكراتها التي وقعت في يد طالبة من طالباتها لنخوض في خبايا وأسرار وتشابكات مع مرض التصلب اللويحي وكيف سارت الحياة منذ اكتشاف إصابتها به.
كتاب يستحق القراءة
شكرا للكاتبة وشكرا لشجاعتها في عرض تفاصيل قد لا يجرؤ الكثيرين على عرضها.
August 19, 2022
I feel like a disclaimer is needed here because Shahd was my professor during my undergrad, a mentor during my postgrad, a current colleague, but most importantly, a friend whom I love dearly and whom I'm very proud of for writing this book. It is also worth mentioning that I'd finished this book a while ago but I did not want to mark it as read without a proper send-off-- i.e. a thorough review.
This book is genuine in that it does not claim to be anything it is not. It is messy because it wants to be, because it is meant to be so, because writing oneself is messy business and because memories are scattered, they crisscross, overlap, override each other, and in many ways, so does this book. It gets repetitive sometimes because that's how we recall things. Memory is not linear, rather an interweaving web of things that actually happened and things as we saw them, as we remember them--and those are two completely different things. This book is not perfectly written, perfectly structured, because if it was, it would be a lie and not the truth. The purpose of an illness narrative, I think, is to reflect the state of its author, and not satisfy a reader who wants a neat, clear narrative--a mistake which I found myself making while reading this book.
This book teeters on the edge of fiction and non-fiction, it writes and rewrites itself, it is about negotiating identity and one's place within a society that expects more, that likes to dismiss what it does not understand as "other". This book is hybrid par excellence; it revolves around what it's like to occupy a space that is neither here, nor there. It is about borders and pushing the borders between health and sickness, mind and body, Self and Other, individual and society.
This book is entirely itself--it is Shahd Alshammari.
This book is genuine in that it does not claim to be anything it is not. It is messy because it wants to be, because it is meant to be so, because writing oneself is messy business and because memories are scattered, they crisscross, overlap, override each other, and in many ways, so does this book. It gets repetitive sometimes because that's how we recall things. Memory is not linear, rather an interweaving web of things that actually happened and things as we saw them, as we remember them--and those are two completely different things. This book is not perfectly written, perfectly structured, because if it was, it would be a lie and not the truth. The purpose of an illness narrative, I think, is to reflect the state of its author, and not satisfy a reader who wants a neat, clear narrative--a mistake which I found myself making while reading this book.
This book teeters on the edge of fiction and non-fiction, it writes and rewrites itself, it is about negotiating identity and one's place within a society that expects more, that likes to dismiss what it does not understand as "other". This book is hybrid par excellence; it revolves around what it's like to occupy a space that is neither here, nor there. It is about borders and pushing the borders between health and sickness, mind and body, Self and Other, individual and society.
This book is entirely itself--it is Shahd Alshammari.
May 3, 2022
Today I finished “Head above water” by @drshahdals and I can describe this book with one word only :brilliant.
Once again thank you @neemtreepress for sending this copy to me in advance.
The book is narrated as an intimate conversation between Professor Alshammari who lives with Multiple Sclerosis and one of her favorite students, Yasmeen. The conversation subject is about Muslim women with disabilities and how this disability affects their daily life, the struggle to have access to a higher education , and how people with disabilities and more importantly women with disabilities are seen in the society and in their own family circle.
The Professor takes us down to memory lane from the day of her diagnosis, her struggle with accepting her new body, self love, struggle to get a higher education as a disabled person, when she wanted to give up but also when she successfully got her Phd. Diploma.
There are many things that stuck with me from reading this book but these 2 ones I think are the most important. “Lack of access was part of societal barriers to disabled individuals success. It was not the disability itself” - what can we do as a society to help and make things more accessible for disabled people? What’s out contribution?
The second one ( I cannot find the exact quote now) says that we first see the disability and after that we see the person - and this part made me really sad because in my opinion a person is not defined by their disability.
I am not Muslim nor I have a disability however I can related with this book at a smaller level. The Professor tells the story of other people as well. People that are or having
been in her life. And I can related with Lara'a
story because I went through something similar
like her 1 year ago. And now a part of my body is
missing and it took me a long time to accept it
and I am still struggling with self love but if I
don't love myself then "who else is going to?"
" You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, you
should be ashamed for not loving yourself"
(page 71)
There is so much more to say
about this book but I am not much of a writer,
like to express myself orally but I urge you to
read it, you won't regret it and I am sure you will
learn something valuable from it
Once again thank you @neemtreepress for sending this copy to me in advance.
The book is narrated as an intimate conversation between Professor Alshammari who lives with Multiple Sclerosis and one of her favorite students, Yasmeen. The conversation subject is about Muslim women with disabilities and how this disability affects their daily life, the struggle to have access to a higher education , and how people with disabilities and more importantly women with disabilities are seen in the society and in their own family circle.
The Professor takes us down to memory lane from the day of her diagnosis, her struggle with accepting her new body, self love, struggle to get a higher education as a disabled person, when she wanted to give up but also when she successfully got her Phd. Diploma.
There are many things that stuck with me from reading this book but these 2 ones I think are the most important. “Lack of access was part of societal barriers to disabled individuals success. It was not the disability itself” - what can we do as a society to help and make things more accessible for disabled people? What’s out contribution?
The second one ( I cannot find the exact quote now) says that we first see the disability and after that we see the person - and this part made me really sad because in my opinion a person is not defined by their disability.
I am not Muslim nor I have a disability however I can related with this book at a smaller level. The Professor tells the story of other people as well. People that are or having
been in her life. And I can related with Lara'a
story because I went through something similar
like her 1 year ago. And now a part of my body is
missing and it took me a long time to accept it
and I am still struggling with self love but if I
don't love myself then "who else is going to?"
" You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, you
should be ashamed for not loving yourself"
(page 71)
There is so much more to say
about this book but I am not much of a writer,
like to express myself orally but I urge you to
read it, you won't regret it and I am sure you will
learn something valuable from it
April 5, 2022
“There has to be a place within you that you can borrow from. A reserve of love.”
This memoir was such a beautifully written book, a reflection on life with chronic illness but so much more than that. The reflections and experiences in this book highlighted the lived reality of an intersect of several —isms (e.g. sexism, ableism) which were examined in their own right but also very thoughtfully dissected in the ways they crossed over.
Head Above Water looks at life as a woman in a deeply patriarchal society - in Academia - with a chronic illness and the layers to all of these and the ways they interact. There was also the added layer of being Palestinian and the inherited loss this came with.
In part, this memoir was a conversation between Dr Alshammari and one of her former students and I loved the intimate and special atmosphere this created. I was deeply invested as I read about the author’s journey towards working within academia and the many highs and lows it entailed.
Much of this memoir is about the author’s life with multiple sclerosis, from her diagnosis to relapses and living with everyday pain. Until a couple of years ago I knew very little about MS but then someone close to me was diagnosed with it. What Dr Alshammari captured so viscerally is the randomness of MS.
I loved the concept of the chapters starting with an often striking quote from one of her journals, then moving through the chapter by looking at what that quote meant, what was happening and what was behind it.
This was such a moving memoir and one of the things that will stay with me the most is the importance of strong friendships, the value in nurturing these and the difference it can make to your own life and theirs.
“There seem to be two opposing reactions to disability. Pity, fear, and disgust, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, inspiration, awe, and excessive admiration.”
This memoir was such a beautifully written book, a reflection on life with chronic illness but so much more than that. The reflections and experiences in this book highlighted the lived reality of an intersect of several —isms (e.g. sexism, ableism) which were examined in their own right but also very thoughtfully dissected in the ways they crossed over.
Head Above Water looks at life as a woman in a deeply patriarchal society - in Academia - with a chronic illness and the layers to all of these and the ways they interact. There was also the added layer of being Palestinian and the inherited loss this came with.
In part, this memoir was a conversation between Dr Alshammari and one of her former students and I loved the intimate and special atmosphere this created. I was deeply invested as I read about the author’s journey towards working within academia and the many highs and lows it entailed.
Much of this memoir is about the author’s life with multiple sclerosis, from her diagnosis to relapses and living with everyday pain. Until a couple of years ago I knew very little about MS but then someone close to me was diagnosed with it. What Dr Alshammari captured so viscerally is the randomness of MS.
I loved the concept of the chapters starting with an often striking quote from one of her journals, then moving through the chapter by looking at what that quote meant, what was happening and what was behind it.
This was such a moving memoir and one of the things that will stay with me the most is the importance of strong friendships, the value in nurturing these and the difference it can make to your own life and theirs.
“There seem to be two opposing reactions to disability. Pity, fear, and disgust, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, inspiration, awe, and excessive admiration.”
April 19, 2022
‘I would remain an outsider to English…How could I possibly connect to a language that wasn’t my own?’
This is where gender, illness, abled-bodiless, patriarchy and exile intersect. This is where the gap between language and our bodies is narrowed. This is where we see first hand the unpredictability of MS.
Reading Dr. Alshammari’s memoir is like being immersed in a conversation between Professor and Student as we navigate with her the various memories and events in her life. Starting from the earliest memories of her mother who taught her how to read, to being a Palestinian in exile, to being diagnosed with MS and what it means to be Arab, female and disabled.
This powerful memoir is exquisitely written with so many quotable passages and deeply philosophical points that left me reflecting on my own relationship with my body, language and the world around me. Having a godmother that has MS, this book felt even more poignant but the part that got to me the most (well there were many!) was how English is our adopted ‘first language’ even though it would never be our own. I felt Dr Alshammari’s disconnectedness with English just as she would have felt this between herself and her body.
This book is raw but delicate in how it delves into grooves never explored - the complex challenges of being a Palestinian woman with MS in academia. I am left in awe of Dr Alshammari for her strength, her passion and her honesty.
@drshahdals - you are an incredible woman and I am so honoured to have read this.
I would like to thank @sofia_reading and @neemtreepress for sending me this ARC copy. What a gem, I will treasure this book forever.
This is where gender, illness, abled-bodiless, patriarchy and exile intersect. This is where the gap between language and our bodies is narrowed. This is where we see first hand the unpredictability of MS.
Reading Dr. Alshammari’s memoir is like being immersed in a conversation between Professor and Student as we navigate with her the various memories and events in her life. Starting from the earliest memories of her mother who taught her how to read, to being a Palestinian in exile, to being diagnosed with MS and what it means to be Arab, female and disabled.
This powerful memoir is exquisitely written with so many quotable passages and deeply philosophical points that left me reflecting on my own relationship with my body, language and the world around me. Having a godmother that has MS, this book felt even more poignant but the part that got to me the most (well there were many!) was how English is our adopted ‘first language’ even though it would never be our own. I felt Dr Alshammari’s disconnectedness with English just as she would have felt this between herself and her body.
This book is raw but delicate in how it delves into grooves never explored - the complex challenges of being a Palestinian woman with MS in academia. I am left in awe of Dr Alshammari for her strength, her passion and her honesty.
@drshahdals - you are an incredible woman and I am so honoured to have read this.
I would like to thank @sofia_reading and @neemtreepress for sending me this ARC copy. What a gem, I will treasure this book forever.
April 7, 2022
”𝗪𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱, 𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱?”
This inspiring memoir will stay with me for a long time and serve as a constant reminder to look beneath the surface. The power of vulnerability by the author is effortless. Reflecting on her own lived experiences of multiple sclerosis from her diagnosis, relapses to how she manages in her daily life is incredibly moving.
Each chapter commenced with a journal entry which provided an increased sense of meaning about the author’s journey. Ableism and micro-aggressions often go unchallenged in society, and the author provides a realistic account to the stigmatizing interactions and guilt that she is subjected to in her daily life. Activities of daily living that we often take for granted such as being able to zip up our own jeans, wash our own hair and apply make-up all presented as barriers for the author due to her chronic illness.
Despite her functional mobility and ongoing fatigue presenting as a barrier, the author is still empowered to fulfil her own purpose through pursing higher education. Important themes of belongingness, family, loss of identity, hope, and survival are explored throughout this memoir which I would recommend to all.
This inspiring memoir will stay with me for a long time and serve as a constant reminder to look beneath the surface. The power of vulnerability by the author is effortless. Reflecting on her own lived experiences of multiple sclerosis from her diagnosis, relapses to how she manages in her daily life is incredibly moving.
Each chapter commenced with a journal entry which provided an increased sense of meaning about the author’s journey. Ableism and micro-aggressions often go unchallenged in society, and the author provides a realistic account to the stigmatizing interactions and guilt that she is subjected to in her daily life. Activities of daily living that we often take for granted such as being able to zip up our own jeans, wash our own hair and apply make-up all presented as barriers for the author due to her chronic illness.
Despite her functional mobility and ongoing fatigue presenting as a barrier, the author is still empowered to fulfil her own purpose through pursing higher education. Important themes of belongingness, family, loss of identity, hope, and survival are explored throughout this memoir which I would recommend to all.
April 15, 2022
So much is packed into Dr Alshammari’s memoir, and the crazy thing is she is reflecting on only a portion of her life. Few if any narratives on illness written by women of colour exist and so Head Above Water is an important addition to this genre. Head Above Water is out on 30 May 2022.
In her memoir, Dr Alshammari, an academic in Kuwait well known for her work as an English Literature lecturer, as well as her interest and work in women’s studies and disability studies, reflects on her diagnosis and life with multiple sclerosis.
The prose was beautiful and I found myself soothed by her words. She writes as if speaking to her former student and friend Yasmeen, but I also felt as if Dr Alshammari was my friend, speaking to me. She explores so many societal issues and how they link back to disability and chronic illness.
I particularly enjoyed learning about the parallels she drew between the experience of exile of her Palestinian family members, and exile of the mind from the body via illness and disability. She also explores perceptions of society and the wider world towards those with disabilities, in addition to the barriers in academia that she faced as a woman of colour with a disability placed by academics who act as gatekeepers
In her memoir, Dr Alshammari, an academic in Kuwait well known for her work as an English Literature lecturer, as well as her interest and work in women’s studies and disability studies, reflects on her diagnosis and life with multiple sclerosis.
The prose was beautiful and I found myself soothed by her words. She writes as if speaking to her former student and friend Yasmeen, but I also felt as if Dr Alshammari was my friend, speaking to me. She explores so many societal issues and how they link back to disability and chronic illness.
I particularly enjoyed learning about the parallels she drew between the experience of exile of her Palestinian family members, and exile of the mind from the body via illness and disability. She also explores perceptions of society and the wider world towards those with disabilities, in addition to the barriers in academia that she faced as a woman of colour with a disability placed by academics who act as gatekeepers
September 27, 2024
An amazing read about the struggles of a woman fighting disease and the stigma of society on a diseased woman. Highky recommend
April 29, 2024
We have no useful concept of narrative if we don't use it to shed light on illness and disability, which are both very human experiences that somehow we have chosen not to focus on as much. Alshammari makes a powerful case for listening to the margins as an indispensable condition of commitment to critical action. Everywhere in this book is permeated with sensitive lessons that render radiance whenever one is caught up in a knot of painful circumstances.
June 7, 2022
THE book to read in 2022!
Not only is the beginning mindblowing: "I've always told my student that storytelling is an integral part of life. We cannot separate life from the stories we tell ourselves and others, the stories we tell ourselves about others, and stories others tell about us" p.1!
But the entire book - written in a form of conversation between Dr Shahd Alshammaru and her student (now very dear friend) Yasmeen - only keeps throwing us from our comfortable seat, especially as we are able-bodied.
Every reflection revolves and stems from illness and the disabled body. How a disabled person's perspective of the world changes and how the world's perspective on them changes too. WHO gets to decide if one of "a real disabled person" or not...
Dr Shahd Alshammari shares with us not only her reflections on illness but also extends her reflection to life in general which is only logical. A disability isn't an exception in this world, it is entirely part of it, YET we, non-disabled people treat disability as if it was an exception.
I can only recommend you to get this book and read for yourself. It's mind-blowing from beginning to end.
Not only is the beginning mindblowing: "I've always told my student that storytelling is an integral part of life. We cannot separate life from the stories we tell ourselves and others, the stories we tell ourselves about others, and stories others tell about us" p.1!
But the entire book - written in a form of conversation between Dr Shahd Alshammaru and her student (now very dear friend) Yasmeen - only keeps throwing us from our comfortable seat, especially as we are able-bodied.
Every reflection revolves and stems from illness and the disabled body. How a disabled person's perspective of the world changes and how the world's perspective on them changes too. WHO gets to decide if one of "a real disabled person" or not...
Dr Shahd Alshammari shares with us not only her reflections on illness but also extends her reflection to life in general which is only logical. A disability isn't an exception in this world, it is entirely part of it, YET we, non-disabled people treat disability as if it was an exception.
I can only recommend you to get this book and read for yourself. It's mind-blowing from beginning to end.
June 10, 2022
Dr Shah’s insightful reflections on illness and loss in both personal and academic spaces.
So many lines resonated with me, while shedding light on hidden disabilities such as MS. And the writing almost felt like a personal conversation or a hidden door to the author’s stream of thoughts.
Beautifully written, I highly recommend it.
So many lines resonated with me, while shedding light on hidden disabilities such as MS. And the writing almost felt like a personal conversation or a hidden door to the author’s stream of thoughts.
Beautifully written, I highly recommend it.
October 16, 2022
Head above water is a moving memoir about illness, disability and friendship. While reading it I was reminded of why I read . I felt a whirlwind of emotions and at the same time I got to pause and think about many parts.The vulnerability of the author in narrating the story makes it as if it’s a close acquaintance.
The memoir develops as a conversation between the author as a Professor and her student (who is a friend of her too) navigating the entries of her diary .Many themes are discussed among them patriarchy, ableism, disability and illness .They are taking place in the inner circle of family and friends , and in the outer circle including the educational system ,the medical care system, etc.
To note that even in my city many buildings and facilities are not made accessible for the disabled .And the idea that there’s a certain image of the disabled, if it’s not visible the disability is questioned.
Dr Shahd attributes randomness to her disease and that’s how I always remember reading about multiple sclerosis in med school and during my medical rotations. She put words and sense into what I’ve seen and heard of, that’s how language is powerful. The individual experience of pain and illness is really important to learn as a physician . And we need as a person to become more attentive and attuned to people’s lived experience.
Conversation like this around illness and disability are needed in our communities, And voices like this need to be amplified .
I have many more things to say about this but I lack the words so I really recommend buying and reading it .I’m planning to get a paperback copy when I find one, because there are so many sections that I want to highlight and reread
The memoir develops as a conversation between the author as a Professor and her student (who is a friend of her too) navigating the entries of her diary .Many themes are discussed among them patriarchy, ableism, disability and illness .They are taking place in the inner circle of family and friends , and in the outer circle including the educational system ,the medical care system, etc.
To note that even in my city many buildings and facilities are not made accessible for the disabled .And the idea that there’s a certain image of the disabled, if it’s not visible the disability is questioned.
Dr Shahd attributes randomness to her disease and that’s how I always remember reading about multiple sclerosis in med school and during my medical rotations. She put words and sense into what I’ve seen and heard of, that’s how language is powerful. The individual experience of pain and illness is really important to learn as a physician . And we need as a person to become more attentive and attuned to people’s lived experience.
Conversation like this around illness and disability are needed in our communities, And voices like this need to be amplified .
I have many more things to say about this but I lack the words so I really recommend buying and reading it .I’m planning to get a paperback copy when I find one, because there are so many sections that I want to highlight and reread
May 23, 2022
What an absolutely brilliant book! My favourite book of 2022!
This book is one of those that it lingers on your mind long after you finish reading it. I know I will reread this book. The storytelling and bringing the different threads together was so masterfully done!
The cultural contexts were relayed so beautifully that it was simple to relate and compare to other cultures.
I can write pages on why I loved this book so much, but I will summarize with the following -
I have asked myself recently, what would be the last book I ever read in my life? Honestly, I would be happy if this was the last book I ever read!
Go buy this book right now!
This book is one of those that it lingers on your mind long after you finish reading it. I know I will reread this book. The storytelling and bringing the different threads together was so masterfully done!
The cultural contexts were relayed so beautifully that it was simple to relate and compare to other cultures.
I can write pages on why I loved this book so much, but I will summarize with the following -
I have asked myself recently, what would be the last book I ever read in my life? Honestly, I would be happy if this was the last book I ever read!
Go buy this book right now!
Read
June 12, 2024disclaimer: I don’t really give starred reviews. I hope my reviews provide enough information to let you know if a book is for you or not. Find me here: https://linktr.ee/bookishmillennial
Shahd Alshammari is a Kuwaiti-Palestinian writer and academic who shared her story with us so vulnerably and graciously in this short collection of reflections. It absolutely reads as a memoir, with vignettes shared from her childhood, up to adulthood, but really lives up to the title "reflections on illness". She has Multiple Sclerosis, and revisits journal entries, ruminating on them and how she moves through the world in a disabled body. I'll share a few snippets from the book, and highly recommend this, as it was such a powerful piece of work.
Tata's fight with cancer made me think of the body as the container that we place our traumas in. (6)
My spine was made up of all the stories I carried with me, the ones I had read, taught, and listened to. (12)
The sense of disapora that stayed with the Palestinian wherever he went was inevitable. Every home would be up for disappearance. There was an uneasiness about resting anywhere, an anxiety that remained nestled between generations as they passed it down from one to the other, each time seemingly shrinking in size, while the truth was it continued to rest in the corners of their minds. (40)
But memory is so tricky. It was you who was there. You were feeling every second in your brain and every twitch. When I put this to paper, I don't recall the physical pain, but I do shudder when I think of the loneliness, Emotional pain stays with us and it has been decades since I was that teenager but I can still feel it shifting somewhere between my cells. (44)
Hybridity was proving to be more about balancing the mixture than fusing it wholly together. There was no whole. Everything could easily fall apart. (47)
Language became another vehicle that was supposed to take me places and didn't. I didn't kill language, but I felt though language was slipping away, constantly betraying me. (50)
So many beautiful women around me get sick. One after the other. They got sick of holding on to hope. They got sick of the law. They got sick of suffocating in their huge house, windows closed, doors locked. Houses that shone with brightness and sparkled with the latest furniture from Pottery Barn and high-end stores. Each day, they grew more distant from themselves, a slow self-annihilation. (61)
I think about how we always focus on standard assessments and grades, even though the educational system is flawed. We claim that education is for all without considering individual needs, strengths, and weaknesses. Eighteen-year-old me searched for a Disability Services office at the university but couldn't find one. I didn't even think there was a Disability Services office. I didn't consider myself disabled. I just wanted to ask someone what I should do if I couldn't use my hands to write essays in class when professors demanded all of our essays were written in class, using a pencil (not a pen). Have you ever tried writing with shaking hands? (65)
But, like all of us, there comes a day where you tire of asking for help. You get exhausted with tiptoeing around people as you feel your knees start to give out. And then there's nowhere else to be but in bed. The curtains remain drawn and the room starts to smell. You're not sure if the smell if yours or whether it belongs to dust or the dog. The windows stay shut and you won't bother to get up. (70)
Everything is a problem we have to solve. If not us, then who will? (102)
I had never felt that being a woman was as heavy a burden until I felt the scarlet letter of disability wrapped around my neck. The heaviness weighted me down and continued to push me away from people around me. It pushed me so far away that I ran to academia. I wanted to run faster and faster to avoid falling like Noor, like Dhari, like anyone else who had loved and lost. I knew I loved stories and books, and I wanted to try to see if I could establish a lifelong relationship with academia. Maybe embracing a fictional world would help me understand the real world. Maybe being called "Professor" would help me be seen. I was tired of being unseen and exhausted of hiding. (107)
To be listened to when you're a woman is a frustrating process. There are always others willing to jump in and speak for you, speak on your behalf, help you speak, claim you don't know how to speak so they will do it for you. As a woman with disability, it becomes even harder to be listened to. People assume you have a shameful body simply because you are a woman, you walk around with your awra, a voice that has to be concealed, veiled, silenced. The disabled body is also meant to be hidden, clothed in shame, remaining unrevealed to others because of its grotesqueness, its crossing of boundaries. It is a body that calls attention to itself even when it is meant to be hidden behind closed doors. (122)
Mothers who kill are still mothers. Mothers who bleed onto you are still mothers. Mothers who don't remember you are still mothers. Just like a country that goes up in flames is still your home, even if nothing remains. (127)
Narrating is part of survival. Those who survive know that there is a story to tell, and another to edit, recreate, and pass on. But those who survive also know that there is no ultimate path to healing, to full recovery, that you don't always come back to where you started, that we don't come full circle. Those who tell stories tell them as they occupy more than one space, reflecting on a past, speaking in the present moment, and anticipating a future. I am reminded of feminist scholar Gloria Anzaldua, Chicana feminist, who speaks of the "mestiza" as being one who occupies more than one space, culture, and language. To survive, one must find solace in a third space of belonging. You are already outside of the dominant narrative, outside the margins, away from the centre. (184)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexism, Injury/Injury detail, Medical trauma, Ableism, Chronic illness, Grief, Racism, Medical content, Animal death, and Death
Shahd Alshammari is a Kuwaiti-Palestinian writer and academic who shared her story with us so vulnerably and graciously in this short collection of reflections. It absolutely reads as a memoir, with vignettes shared from her childhood, up to adulthood, but really lives up to the title "reflections on illness". She has Multiple Sclerosis, and revisits journal entries, ruminating on them and how she moves through the world in a disabled body. I'll share a few snippets from the book, and highly recommend this, as it was such a powerful piece of work.
Tata's fight with cancer made me think of the body as the container that we place our traumas in. (6)
My spine was made up of all the stories I carried with me, the ones I had read, taught, and listened to. (12)
The sense of disapora that stayed with the Palestinian wherever he went was inevitable. Every home would be up for disappearance. There was an uneasiness about resting anywhere, an anxiety that remained nestled between generations as they passed it down from one to the other, each time seemingly shrinking in size, while the truth was it continued to rest in the corners of their minds. (40)
But memory is so tricky. It was you who was there. You were feeling every second in your brain and every twitch. When I put this to paper, I don't recall the physical pain, but I do shudder when I think of the loneliness, Emotional pain stays with us and it has been decades since I was that teenager but I can still feel it shifting somewhere between my cells. (44)
Hybridity was proving to be more about balancing the mixture than fusing it wholly together. There was no whole. Everything could easily fall apart. (47)
Language became another vehicle that was supposed to take me places and didn't. I didn't kill language, but I felt though language was slipping away, constantly betraying me. (50)
So many beautiful women around me get sick. One after the other. They got sick of holding on to hope. They got sick of the law. They got sick of suffocating in their huge house, windows closed, doors locked. Houses that shone with brightness and sparkled with the latest furniture from Pottery Barn and high-end stores. Each day, they grew more distant from themselves, a slow self-annihilation. (61)
I think about how we always focus on standard assessments and grades, even though the educational system is flawed. We claim that education is for all without considering individual needs, strengths, and weaknesses. Eighteen-year-old me searched for a Disability Services office at the university but couldn't find one. I didn't even think there was a Disability Services office. I didn't consider myself disabled. I just wanted to ask someone what I should do if I couldn't use my hands to write essays in class when professors demanded all of our essays were written in class, using a pencil (not a pen). Have you ever tried writing with shaking hands? (65)
But, like all of us, there comes a day where you tire of asking for help. You get exhausted with tiptoeing around people as you feel your knees start to give out. And then there's nowhere else to be but in bed. The curtains remain drawn and the room starts to smell. You're not sure if the smell if yours or whether it belongs to dust or the dog. The windows stay shut and you won't bother to get up. (70)
Everything is a problem we have to solve. If not us, then who will? (102)
I had never felt that being a woman was as heavy a burden until I felt the scarlet letter of disability wrapped around my neck. The heaviness weighted me down and continued to push me away from people around me. It pushed me so far away that I ran to academia. I wanted to run faster and faster to avoid falling like Noor, like Dhari, like anyone else who had loved and lost. I knew I loved stories and books, and I wanted to try to see if I could establish a lifelong relationship with academia. Maybe embracing a fictional world would help me understand the real world. Maybe being called "Professor" would help me be seen. I was tired of being unseen and exhausted of hiding. (107)
To be listened to when you're a woman is a frustrating process. There are always others willing to jump in and speak for you, speak on your behalf, help you speak, claim you don't know how to speak so they will do it for you. As a woman with disability, it becomes even harder to be listened to. People assume you have a shameful body simply because you are a woman, you walk around with your awra, a voice that has to be concealed, veiled, silenced. The disabled body is also meant to be hidden, clothed in shame, remaining unrevealed to others because of its grotesqueness, its crossing of boundaries. It is a body that calls attention to itself even when it is meant to be hidden behind closed doors. (122)
Mothers who kill are still mothers. Mothers who bleed onto you are still mothers. Mothers who don't remember you are still mothers. Just like a country that goes up in flames is still your home, even if nothing remains. (127)
Narrating is part of survival. Those who survive know that there is a story to tell, and another to edit, recreate, and pass on. But those who survive also know that there is no ultimate path to healing, to full recovery, that you don't always come back to where you started, that we don't come full circle. Those who tell stories tell them as they occupy more than one space, reflecting on a past, speaking in the present moment, and anticipating a future. I am reminded of feminist scholar Gloria Anzaldua, Chicana feminist, who speaks of the "mestiza" as being one who occupies more than one space, culture, and language. To survive, one must find solace in a third space of belonging. You are already outside of the dominant narrative, outside the margins, away from the centre. (184)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexism, Injury/Injury detail, Medical trauma, Ableism, Chronic illness, Grief, Racism, Medical content, Animal death, and Death
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 13, 2024
A stunning memoir reflecting on the intersections of disability, academia, identity, culture, gender, friendship and so much more. The storytelling is phenomenal and extremely powerful. I read this book earlier this year and still reflect on it often. It’s a memoir I intend to revisit again and again.
December 17, 2025
#جسد_خارج_الجسد
المؤلفة د. شهد الشمري
دار عرب، لندن، ٢٠٢٦
ترجمة لإصدارها ( Head above water)
===/==
"أكثر ما أخشاه في الشعور فقدان هويتي الذاتية" ..
💫
فصول متعاقبة في موضوع سردية المرض والإعاقة في الأدب و وسائل الإعلام وبين ومضات من سيرة المؤلفة المصابة بالتصلب اللويحي
تحاول إعادة تشكيل الصور النمطية السلبية والمبالغة المتعلقة بذوي الإعاقة والمرض المزمن التي دائما ما تكون بمفهوم العقاب أو القدر المأساوي أو منظر الأبطال الخارقين.
المسلسلات الكويتية كأنموذج للتحليل من منظور النقد الأدبي وكيفية تعاطي الجمهور من جهة، ومن جهة أخرى رد فعل أصحاب الإعاقة والأمراض المزمنة اتجاه واقعيتها، على الرغم من تنوع وانفتاح وسائل الإعلام على التجارب الإنسانية إلا أنها تتكرر بنمط ثابت على الفضائيات والأدب و جميعها تمثل دور ساذج كئيب قبيح وضيع أحمق وأيضا شرير جداً ! .. وليس بمستغرب أن تأخذ الأنثى النصيب الأكبر في تمثيل تلك الصفات والتأثير بسبب ثقافة شعبية تنحاز لهيبة الرجل مهما كانت نقائصه النفسية أو البدنية، وتجعل من الفتاة/المرأة أسيرة قدر جسد متنافر مع معايير المجتمع للأنثى المثالية للزواج والحب وحتى الألفة الإنسانية بذاتها.
تنتقد اللغة المترافقة مع التعبير عن المواقف غير السليمة التي تستعير مصطلحات (المرض والإعاقة البدنية والنفسية والذهنية) حيث يستعملها جمهور المجتمع بعفوية معتادة، قد آن الآوان التيقظ ومراعاة الفئة المصابة و الإرتقاء بالمفردات.
💫
"الحرب تبقى مقيمة بآثارها وندوبها وجراحها على الأجساد. الجسد أدرى بصاحبه" ٥٥
التصلب اللويحي يعني فقدان عضو لوظيفته ولو مؤقت، "وحين تشعر أن الخسارة حتمية سيكون أمامك خياران إما الإستسلام، وإما تكافح أكثر من أي وقت مضى". ورحلة الكفاح لابد له من رفقة مساندة فما كان من ( علم الأدب) هو المعنى له والشغف والوسيلة. التباحث في القواسم المشتركة بين البشر بأطيافهم المتضادة والمتآلفة تجعلنا نقدر بشكل أكبر القيم الإنسانية ونفهم الظواهر الشاذة ونحاول التعاطي بالشكل الذي لا يستحقر من شأن أحدهم مهما كان موقعه، بل التعاطف والتفهم هما أسمى الأهداف.
"المرض يسلبك أجزاء من حياتك لكنه سيمنحك فرصة اختبار الحياة التي ستقودها بدلا من الإكتفاء بعيش الحياة التي تراكمت لديك عبر السنين" ٣٨
تستذكر المؤلفة عدة محاولات للتعافي والتكيف وكما تصفها (صياغة سردية حياة جديدة)، و ساعدها تخصصها في دراسات الإعاقة والمرأة لتبني قواعد جديدة وإدراك الهوية المسلوبة جراء المرض الجسدي.
"إن الرعاية الذاتية هي السبيل للبقاء، وهي تعبير عن السعي لإنقاذ الذات" ٧٧
فهو بين الواقع والمرجو ومن صميم اجتهادنا نحن كمصابين، لكن المجتمع إما يلعب دور التهميش عبر معوقات تطورنا المستقبلي أو يلعب دور حيوي في نمونا وحفظ حقوقنا.
💫
الثلث الأخير من الكتاب
تستشهد بمقال بحثي عربي عن عملين أدبيين من الكويت في كتابة سردية المرض والإعاقة هما المؤلفة نفسها د. شهد الشمري عن التصلب اللويحي و السيدة فجر الماجد عن مرض الذهان ثنائي القطب. يبحث عن موقع وتجسيد المرأة ورمزيتها في الأدب العربي ومنطقة الخليج حيث يفتقر ذلك المجال من أكاديميين متخصصين و متخصصات إناث بالتحديد.
"الطريقة الوحيدة لاستعادة السيطرة على سردية المرض هي الكتابة ضد السردية السائدة التي تصور الأشخاص ذوي الإعاقة بأنهم لا صوت ولا رأي وأنهم منبوذون" ٦٧
هو أن تكون البطلات من ذوات الإعاقة حقيقة ضمن الحوار و السرد الأدبي لمواضيع الإعاقة رغم عواقبها الاجتماعية في بعض الأحيان.
💫
"بعد عامين، توقفت عن شحنها وبدأت أفكر في إخراجها تدريجيا من سردية حياتي، كان على الناس أن يرضوا بشخصيتي الحقيقية. لم أكن لأعيش حياة حقيقية إن عشت من خلالها فقط. كان عليها الرحيل" ١١٩
المرض ما هو إلا (انقطاع مؤقت للسردية الحياتية لا نهايتها ولا توقفها). لذا كل المحاولات تصب في إعادة التواصل والاستمرار والتجديد والتعلم بين "العقل والجسد".
من شظايا المرايا الفضية التي كانت تظهرنا كبقية الأقران بمعايير الأصحاء الأسوياء، ننسقها بإرادتنا وقرارنا في رؤية أجسادنا كما تراه ذواتنا نحن، لا الآخرين. الجمال في روحنا، والقدرة في عقولنا، وكمال حدود إمكانيات أجسادنا كلها .. أنا، نسختي الفضلى للمجتمع والعالم.
تمت ..
المؤلفة د. شهد الشمري
دار عرب، لندن، ٢٠٢٦
ترجمة لإصدارها ( Head above water)
===/==
"أكثر ما أخشاه في الشعور فقدان هويتي الذاتية" ..
💫
فصول متعاقبة في موضوع سردية المرض والإعاقة في الأدب و وسائل الإعلام وبين ومضات من سيرة المؤلفة المصابة بالتصلب اللويحي
تحاول إعادة تشكيل الصور النمطية السلبية والمبالغة المتعلقة بذوي الإعاقة والمرض المزمن التي دائما ما تكون بمفهوم العقاب أو القدر المأساوي أو منظر الأبطال الخارقين.
المسلسلات الكويتية كأنموذج للتحليل من منظور النقد الأدبي وكيفية تعاطي الجمهور من جهة، ومن جهة أخرى رد فعل أصحاب الإعاقة والأمراض المزمنة اتجاه واقعيتها، على الرغم من تنوع وانفتاح وسائل الإعلام على التجارب الإنسانية إلا أنها تتكرر بنمط ثابت على الفضائيات والأدب و جميعها تمثل دور ساذج كئيب قبيح وضيع أحمق وأيضا شرير جداً ! .. وليس بمستغرب أن تأخذ الأنثى النصيب الأكبر في تمثيل تلك الصفات والتأثير بسبب ثقافة شعبية تنحاز لهيبة الرجل مهما كانت نقائصه النفسية أو البدنية، وتجعل من الفتاة/المرأة أسيرة قدر جسد متنافر مع معايير المجتمع للأنثى المثالية للزواج والحب وحتى الألفة الإنسانية بذاتها.
تنتقد اللغة المترافقة مع التعبير عن المواقف غير السليمة التي تستعير مصطلحات (المرض والإعاقة البدنية والنفسية والذهنية) حيث يستعملها جمهور المجتمع بعفوية معتادة، قد آن الآوان التيقظ ومراعاة الفئة المصابة و الإرتقاء بالمفردات.
💫
"الحرب تبقى مقيمة بآثارها وندوبها وجراحها على الأجساد. الجسد أدرى بصاحبه" ٥٥
التصلب اللويحي يعني فقدان عضو لوظيفته ولو مؤقت، "وحين تشعر أن الخسارة حتمية سيكون أمامك خياران إما الإستسلام، وإما تكافح أكثر من أي وقت مضى". ورحلة الكفاح لابد له من رفقة مساندة فما كان من ( علم الأدب) هو المعنى له والشغف والوسيلة. التباحث في القواسم المشتركة بين البشر بأطيافهم المتضادة والمتآلفة تجعلنا نقدر بشكل أكبر القيم الإنسانية ونفهم الظواهر الشاذة ونحاول التعاطي بالشكل الذي لا يستحقر من شأن أحدهم مهما كان موقعه، بل التعاطف والتفهم هما أسمى الأهداف.
"المرض يسلبك أجزاء من حياتك لكنه سيمنحك فرصة اختبار الحياة التي ستقودها بدلا من الإكتفاء بعيش الحياة التي تراكمت لديك عبر السنين" ٣٨
تستذكر المؤلفة عدة محاولات للتعافي والتكيف وكما تصفها (صياغة سردية حياة جديدة)، و ساعدها تخصصها في دراسات الإعاقة والمرأة لتبني قواعد جديدة وإدراك الهوية المسلوبة جراء المرض الجسدي.
"إن الرعاية الذاتية هي السبيل للبقاء، وهي تعبير عن السعي لإنقاذ الذات" ٧٧
فهو بين الواقع والمرجو ومن صميم اجتهادنا نحن كمصابين، لكن المجتمع إما يلعب دور التهميش عبر معوقات تطورنا المستقبلي أو يلعب دور حيوي في نمونا وحفظ حقوقنا.
💫
الثلث الأخير من الكتاب
تستشهد بمقال بحثي عربي عن عملين أدبيين من الكويت في كتابة سردية المرض والإعاقة هما المؤلفة نفسها د. شهد الشمري عن التصلب اللويحي و السيدة فجر الماجد عن مرض الذهان ثنائي القطب. يبحث عن موقع وتجسيد المرأة ورمزيتها في الأدب العربي ومنطقة الخليج حيث يفتقر ذلك المجال من أكاديميين متخصصين و متخصصات إناث بالتحديد.
"الطريقة الوحيدة لاستعادة السيطرة على سردية المرض هي الكتابة ضد السردية السائدة التي تصور الأشخاص ذوي الإعاقة بأنهم لا صوت ولا رأي وأنهم منبوذون" ٦٧
هو أن تكون البطلات من ذوات الإعاقة حقيقة ضمن الحوار و السرد الأدبي لمواضيع الإعاقة رغم عواقبها الاجتماعية في بعض الأحيان.
💫
"بعد عامين، توقفت عن شحنها وبدأت أفكر في إخراجها تدريجيا من سردية حياتي، كان على الناس أن يرضوا بشخصيتي الحقيقية. لم أكن لأعيش حياة حقيقية إن عشت من خلالها فقط. كان عليها الرحيل" ١١٩
المرض ما هو إلا (انقطاع مؤقت للسردية الحياتية لا نهايتها ولا توقفها). لذا كل المحاولات تصب في إعادة التواصل والاستمرار والتجديد والتعلم بين "العقل والجسد".
من شظايا المرايا الفضية التي كانت تظهرنا كبقية الأقران بمعايير الأصحاء الأسوياء، ننسقها بإرادتنا وقرارنا في رؤية أجسادنا كما تراه ذواتنا نحن، لا الآخرين. الجمال في روحنا، والقدرة في عقولنا، وكمال حدود إمكانيات أجسادنا كلها .. أنا، نسختي الفضلى للمجتمع والعالم.
تمت ..
March 20, 2024
“Living in this body is a state of randomness. I’ve termed it as “random disability” in one of my academic papers. I forget which one, and it doesn’t matter. What I had meant was that I would and should expect to randomly lose parts of me and my senses. It didn’t feel like a full disability because there were many days where I looked and felt healthy. You wouldn’t have ever guessed. But this isn’t just about disability. What really matters is if we can actually think of life as random, and not in a cliché and theoretical way.”
When Shahd Al Shammari reached out to me, I kept delaying reading her memoir. I couldn't quite figure out why at first, but when I read this paragraph, it hit me. As someone who craves control and seeks order, the unpredictability she battles daily is my biggest fear.
Shahd, diagnosed with MS at the age of 18, must adjust to the unpredictability of her ever-changing body because she has no other choice. I had to sit with the discomfort that elicited in me, and just let it sink in. As Shahd navigates her diagnosis and its impact on her daily life, she also grapples with questions about her own identity and purpose. Gradually, my prior hesitation vanished as I became totally engrossed in Shahd's story.
Her storytelling is skillful as she transitions the focus from her own battles to the broader canvas of her family. Particularly striking is her portrayal of her mother, embodying the indomitable Palestinian spirit. This mother, who tackled the toughest of times with unwavering strength had me in awe. It's in these descriptions and stories where the memoir expands, connecting personal pain to collective history. There are also moments of lightness and warmth, particularly when Shahd shares her experiences in the classroom. Imagine a group of older Bedouin men with a limited grasp of English walking into their classroom only to find a tiny woman with a cane in one hand and Othello in the other. It was one of the most heartwarming scenes in the book.
I thought I was reading a book about Shahd, but it was also a book about me, and about everyone who has ever felt the fear of losing control. I couldn't help but reflect on my own fears and thinking patterns and how they hold me back. How much energy do I waste trying to control the uncontrollable? How much do I miss out on because of it? As Shahd shares her journey towards acceptance, I was nodding along, recognizing parts of myself in her words.
This is way more than a story of living with MS; it's a guide for living with grace, courage, and an open heart in a world that is constantly changing. Do yourself a favor and read it.
When Shahd Al Shammari reached out to me, I kept delaying reading her memoir. I couldn't quite figure out why at first, but when I read this paragraph, it hit me. As someone who craves control and seeks order, the unpredictability she battles daily is my biggest fear.
Shahd, diagnosed with MS at the age of 18, must adjust to the unpredictability of her ever-changing body because she has no other choice. I had to sit with the discomfort that elicited in me, and just let it sink in. As Shahd navigates her diagnosis and its impact on her daily life, she also grapples with questions about her own identity and purpose. Gradually, my prior hesitation vanished as I became totally engrossed in Shahd's story.
Her storytelling is skillful as she transitions the focus from her own battles to the broader canvas of her family. Particularly striking is her portrayal of her mother, embodying the indomitable Palestinian spirit. This mother, who tackled the toughest of times with unwavering strength had me in awe. It's in these descriptions and stories where the memoir expands, connecting personal pain to collective history. There are also moments of lightness and warmth, particularly when Shahd shares her experiences in the classroom. Imagine a group of older Bedouin men with a limited grasp of English walking into their classroom only to find a tiny woman with a cane in one hand and Othello in the other. It was one of the most heartwarming scenes in the book.
I thought I was reading a book about Shahd, but it was also a book about me, and about everyone who has ever felt the fear of losing control. I couldn't help but reflect on my own fears and thinking patterns and how they hold me back. How much energy do I waste trying to control the uncontrollable? How much do I miss out on because of it? As Shahd shares her journey towards acceptance, I was nodding along, recognizing parts of myself in her words.
This is way more than a story of living with MS; it's a guide for living with grace, courage, and an open heart in a world that is constantly changing. Do yourself a favor and read it.
November 26, 2023
A professor reflects and shares her life, with her former student now friend, and we the reader, on the challenges of being a disabled Arab woman in Kuwait. The struggles with the patriarchal society, the ableism, and her progressively failing body. A reflection on resilience, growth, change, the ongoing power of learning, and the strength to never let a barrier defeat her.
Shahd Alshammari is born of her Palestinian mother and Kuwaiti-Bedioun father, in the rich tapestry of post-invasion Kuwait as her body starts to feel numb, weakened, and no longer do as she wants it to. She follows her dream to university, to study abroad, and then be an incredible teacher to students expanding their minds and horizons.
Battling with her own internal ableism, as she comes to terms with her MS diagnoses, Shahd also needs to endure her father's shame, her societal views on disability. To overcome the barriers to employment and acceptance as a disabled woman in such a society.
Told from recollections and pieces from her diaries, Shahd tells, expands and even progresses her own thoughts on disability pride and voice, by sharing this with Yasmeen and we the reader. A well nuanced, and powerful reflection on disability experience.
Shahd Alshammari is born of her Palestinian mother and Kuwaiti-Bedioun father, in the rich tapestry of post-invasion Kuwait as her body starts to feel numb, weakened, and no longer do as she wants it to. She follows her dream to university, to study abroad, and then be an incredible teacher to students expanding their minds and horizons.
Battling with her own internal ableism, as she comes to terms with her MS diagnoses, Shahd also needs to endure her father's shame, her societal views on disability. To overcome the barriers to employment and acceptance as a disabled woman in such a society.
Told from recollections and pieces from her diaries, Shahd tells, expands and even progresses her own thoughts on disability pride and voice, by sharing this with Yasmeen and we the reader. A well nuanced, and powerful reflection on disability experience.
August 21, 2022
This is a book that I feel that everyone needs to read whether you have a disability or not, it’s an important insight into the day to day life of a disabled person.
It uses the plot device of a teacher narrating their story to a former student who is helping them to capture the story of how they came to be disabled and their diagnosis of MS.
At first the story is a little disjointed and I found the addition of Yasmin difficult to understand but I could see why she was added but I found the narrative disjointed and hard to grasp at times which is what it is like to live with a long term illness.
We go from a normal childhood to a diagnosis of MS and then fighting for education and jobs despite many obstacles.
Dr Alshammari is incredible and really gives the reader an insight into her challenges after a diagnosis that would have many other patients not go any further, but thanks to her parents and especially her mother she was able to get further than anyone else expected her to Mashallah.
Overall, a must read.
It uses the plot device of a teacher narrating their story to a former student who is helping them to capture the story of how they came to be disabled and their diagnosis of MS.
At first the story is a little disjointed and I found the addition of Yasmin difficult to understand but I could see why she was added but I found the narrative disjointed and hard to grasp at times which is what it is like to live with a long term illness.
We go from a normal childhood to a diagnosis of MS and then fighting for education and jobs despite many obstacles.
Dr Alshammari is incredible and really gives the reader an insight into her challenges after a diagnosis that would have many other patients not go any further, but thanks to her parents and especially her mother she was able to get further than anyone else expected her to Mashallah.
Overall, a must read.
February 21, 2024
Amazing book by the lovely Shahd, her storytelling and writing style pulled me in from the first page. I could hear her voice speaking louder to me with every chapter.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy all the literature references that were mentioned (being a literature student myself). I could relate all to both the fictional and the real stories that were told. Shahd took my back to the classroom, the smell, the weird feeling in the stomach on the first day, and most especially, went back to how my brain wandered outside the classroom once a line got stuck in my head.
Shahd successfully highlighted the ‘Other’ without being condescending, while also managing to include under her umbrella what is beyond her MS story.
I choked on my tears with every chapter, in empathy with Shahd, and in pain to what sounded similar to stories I lived.
Beautiful and honest portrayal of our culture. I highly recommend.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy all the literature references that were mentioned (being a literature student myself). I could relate all to both the fictional and the real stories that were told. Shahd took my back to the classroom, the smell, the weird feeling in the stomach on the first day, and most especially, went back to how my brain wandered outside the classroom once a line got stuck in my head.
Shahd successfully highlighted the ‘Other’ without being condescending, while also managing to include under her umbrella what is beyond her MS story.
I choked on my tears with every chapter, in empathy with Shahd, and in pain to what sounded similar to stories I lived.
Beautiful and honest portrayal of our culture. I highly recommend.
March 19, 2023
I don’t think I will do this book justice by writing my review, but here we go.
The brilliant masterful author Shahad Alshammari took me into many places with her while reading this book. As an eloquent author, you would be astonished to know about what this person went through to get to the place he/she is in. Reading about her disability and illness, would make you feel a lot for others and what they fought for.
It is really hard to ruminate what a disabled can face in life and what this journey carries within it of difficulties and struggles.
This memoir is not just about the author’s journey with illness, it is also centered on the lives of her students who were affected by illness too.
The brilliant masterful author Shahad Alshammari took me into many places with her while reading this book. As an eloquent author, you would be astonished to know about what this person went through to get to the place he/she is in. Reading about her disability and illness, would make you feel a lot for others and what they fought for.
It is really hard to ruminate what a disabled can face in life and what this journey carries within it of difficulties and struggles.
This memoir is not just about the author’s journey with illness, it is also centered on the lives of her students who were affected by illness too.
September 7, 2023
رائع
هذا ثاني كتاب اقراه في "سرديات المرض"، مذكرة شخصية عما يعنيه أن يكون المرء "امرأة مريضة". مافكرت بأن أثر المرض أو الإعاقات على حياة المرأة يختلف عن أثره على حياة الرجل، وكونه أشد وطأةً على المرأة. الكاتبة تسرد مشاعرها تجاه المرض وفكرة انهيار جسدها وعقلها والأحداث المفصلية في حياتها منذ اصابتها بالتصلب اللويحي في عمر ال18. سرديات المرض مهمة قراءتها لأي شخص إن كان هو المريض أو أحد من عائلته فرصة لرؤية الحياة من
خلال عدسة المريض. أثناء قرائتي، قررت بأن يكون ضمن قائمة الكتب التي سأقرأها مرةً أخرى في حياتي.
الكاتبة شجاعة، ليس فقط لكتابتها هذا الكتاب، لكن لأنها لم تترك أن يدمر المرض رغبتها بأن تصبح دكتورة أدب أو حتى أن تستسلم له. ومرةً أخرى، رائع!
هذا ثاني كتاب اقراه في "سرديات المرض"، مذكرة شخصية عما يعنيه أن يكون المرء "امرأة مريضة". مافكرت بأن أثر المرض أو الإعاقات على حياة المرأة يختلف عن أثره على حياة الرجل، وكونه أشد وطأةً على المرأة. الكاتبة تسرد مشاعرها تجاه المرض وفكرة انهيار جسدها وعقلها والأحداث المفصلية في حياتها منذ اصابتها بالتصلب اللويحي في عمر ال18. سرديات المرض مهمة قراءتها لأي شخص إن كان هو المريض أو أحد من عائلته فرصة لرؤية الحياة من
خلال عدسة المريض. أثناء قرائتي، قررت بأن يكون ضمن قائمة الكتب التي سأقرأها مرةً أخرى في حياتي.
الكاتبة شجاعة، ليس فقط لكتابتها هذا الكتاب، لكن لأنها لم تترك أن يدمر المرض رغبتها بأن تصبح دكتورة أدب أو حتى أن تستسلم له. ومرةً أخرى، رائع!
November 23, 2025
When I first started reading this book, I wasn’t going to give it 5 stars. I rarely give 5 stars, because I don’t think many books deserve a full score. But this book? Oh my. It has definitely exceeded my expectations.
If I could, I would love to give Shahd a hug, and maybe have a really long conversation with her.
I think that any girl/woman living in an Arab country must read this. It talks about many relevant topics and it makes you feel heard and understood. I’m really glad my professor assigned this book for us to read. The more I read, page by page, the more I loved the book.
If you are reading my review and you haven’t yet read the book, what are you waiting for? Go read it!!!
If I could, I would love to give Shahd a hug, and maybe have a really long conversation with her.
I think that any girl/woman living in an Arab country must read this. It talks about many relevant topics and it makes you feel heard and understood. I’m really glad my professor assigned this book for us to read. The more I read, page by page, the more I loved the book.
If you are reading my review and you haven’t yet read the book, what are you waiting for? Go read it!!!
July 7, 2023
In her new book Head Above Water: Reflections on Illness, Dr. Shahd Alshammari provides a memoir of her journey through academia while battling MS. Diagnosed at eighteen, her doctor told her she would be dead by thirty, if not sooner. The assumption was that she would not go to university, she would become completely dependent on her parents, she would not have an independent life.
You can read my full review in the July/August issue of The Brooklyn Rail here:
https://brooklynrail.org/2023/07/book...
You can read my full review in the July/August issue of The Brooklyn Rail here:
https://brooklynrail.org/2023/07/book...
January 23, 2025
Head Above Water is a powerful and deeply reflective exploration of illness, resilience, and the societal structures that shape our experiences. Through a lens of positive femininity, the book challenges able-bodied educational systems while celebrating cultural diversity and uplifting non-white voices. Its accessible narrative resonates with women from all backgrounds, offering both insight and empowerment. A must-read for those seeking a nuanced, inclusive perspective on strength and survival.
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January 14, 2026I will admit I was a bit nervous to read this considering the past I have with MS, but this book didn't fully focus on MS. Alshammari dives into the ways disabled people are viewed in writing, academics, Middle Eastern culture, and society. The structure of the book also caught my attention, rather than a chronological timeline Alshammari shares diary entries she wrote and discussions she had with her student Yasmeen. I found this to be such a beautiful reflection from Alshammari on her identity and disabled bodies.
October 15, 2022
Head Above Water: Reflections on Illness by Dr Shahd Alshammari, Kuwaiti-Palestinian writer, is a memoir of her chronic medical condition.
Dr Shahd’s own accord of fighting and living with Multiple Sclerosis, will fill your mind with myriad of thoughts and emotions…
You will question your normal existence while others suffer through normalcy. But you will feel inspired and fueled to deal with your minuscules problems on hand.
Dr Shahd’s own accord of fighting and living with Multiple Sclerosis, will fill your mind with myriad of thoughts and emotions…
You will question your normal existence while others suffer through normalcy. But you will feel inspired and fueled to deal with your minuscules problems on hand.
January 18, 2023
I thought this book would be sad because it is about pain and illness. honestly I was skeptical about my choice from the free library. this is more inspiring and just generally nice to read. It’s a refreshing perspective to hear from someone with so much respect and admiration for humanity, like she truly believes in love and community. I want to emulate that.
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