The Seven T's: Finding Hope and Healing in the Wake of Tragedy

by Judy Collins

Beloved singer-songwriter Judy Collins draws on her personal experience with her son's suicide to guide readers through grieving the loss of a loved one who has died under tragic circumstances.

The death of a loved one is always painful and the grieving process complex and profound. Yet when the loss occurs under tragic circumstances, there is a whole other set of emotional variables that the people left behind must face. Questions abound, such as "Could I have stopped this?" Feelings of guilt, shame, and even anger combine with the overwhelming sadness of losing someone who was dearly loved. Drawing on her own experience of losing her son to suicide, as well as her conversations with hundreds of people who have grieved the tragic death of a friend or family member, revered singer-songwriter Judy Collins has culled together seven powerful steps toward healing. The Seven T's are:

TRUTH: Tell it. Regardless of how terrible the facts may be and how hard it is to talk about, don't hide the truth about how you lost the person you loved. TRUST: Allow it. Don't let the painful circumstances surrounding the death of your loved one prevent you from talking with friends about your loss.
THERAPY: Get it. Seek help-whether through traditional talk therapy, your art, meditation, or whatever method you choose-but get the help you need.
TREASURE: Hold on. Don't stop treasuring your loved one. Don't let the horrible events leading to his or her death wash away all of the things that were good and beautiful about that person's life.
THRIVE: Keep living with your eyes wide open. Don't give in to the temptation to use alcohol or any other addiction to blunt or blur your sadness.
TREAT: Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the gift of self-nourishment.
TRIUMPH: You must. Live a life of joy, abundance, and forgiveness.

From a woman famous for her wisdom and compassion, The Seven T's is destined to become a classic on the subject of grieving and loss.

162 pages, Paperback

First published May 31, 2007

About the author

Judith Marjorie Collins is an American folk and standards singer and songwriter, known for the stunning purity of her soprano; for her eclectic tastes in the material she records (which has included folk, showtunes, pop, and rock and roll); and for her social activism.

Reviews

[Nance · Rating 2 out of 5]

sorry for her loss

[Priscilla King · Rating 3 out of 5]

I first read this book during my first winter as a widow. I don't remember reading it as a healing experience, but remember thinking it was nice to know that Judy Collins was hanging in there after losing her son. What stuck in my mind was the line "I would give the sun and moon / one more time to hear you speak."

There probably never was or will be a book that will actually make bereavement less painful. That is not what books are for. You still see and do things that remind you of the person with whom you won't be seeing or doing those things ever again. Eventually you stop crying real tears.

There are books that affirm that favorite writers (and singers) have shared the experience. This is one of those books. It's well written, and might reassure someone living through the first major bereavement that people do survive this experience.

[Maryanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn’t thrilled to be reading yet another book on grief...I’m tired of them! My husband died by suicide 4 years ago and I am finally in the light. Grief books can be so heavy and dark. But I loved this one! Judy Collins has so much wisdom in this book and I agree with each of her seven t’s for getting through this difficult path. She shares her own story and by the end she feels like a friend. I also love the quotes scattered about the book. This book really helped me on my path, even after 4 years and many books on grief.

[Naturegirl · Rating 4 out of 5]

For anyone who has experienced a tragic loss in life, this book might be very helpful. Judy Collins shares her story of her son's suicide and how she found healing and hope in the midst of it. Her indomitable spirit and drive are evident in every page, and her life has been a rich tapestry of friends who have helped her along the way. She describes the seven T's of making it through: truth, trust, therapy, treasure, treat, thrive, and transcend. The one thing I couldn't shake while reading this is that it's all about heart and attitude. A person can choose to live in a cloud of negativity or they can choose to live each day with hope and the desire to make good out of something that was very bad.

After losing a friend this year to a tragic form of cancer, I was encouraged by her insight and once again reminded to look ahead, to cherish what was lost and to continue growing.

The one thing in the book that I disagree with is her stance on alternative medicine and anti-depressants. While I believe certain types of alternative medicine are beneficial, I think a lot of it is hogwash and that for some people anti-depressants can save their life. I think it is dangerous for self help books like this to either encourage or discourage a person from a certain type of medicine that could very well be right for them.

Aside from that, this book has tons of important insights that anyone suffering a loss can benefit from.

[Tori · Rating 4 out of 5]

18 - The author Judy Collins attempted suicide as a teen and later lost her son to suicide. She also shares her struggles with addiction. I think this book offers a lot of hope after a suicide loss. I especially thought it was good to read after her book Sanity and Grace. The earlier book Sanity and Grace dealt with the terrible pain of losing her son and included lots of her journal entries from that time. With this book, you can see the progress that she is making in her healing and I would recommend reading them together if you are going to read one.

I have been reading a lot on this subject and it seems like most of the books tip-toe around the fact that if you have lost someone to suicide statistically you are more likely to attempt yourself. Judy brings this up again and again to discuss how because of that she felt like she needed to take extra good care of herself.

This book deals with how Judy used meditation, yoga, massage therapy, alternative medicine, exercise, etc. in her healing rather than medicating herself.

[Rhonda Lepkan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good practical advice for self care for survivors of tragedy. I admire the strength and resilience of this woman who battled (and continues to battle) with her own internal struggles while those she loved most weren't able to do so. It's an interesting perspective on choosing and fighting to live even though her innate impulse was to self destruct.

This book had several important messages but to me the most important: remember your loved one for the joy and light they brought to the world; don't lose the importance of who they were by denying or being fearful of sharing the truth of their passing. Let part of their legacy be the truth.

[Mrtruscott · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this and have bought copies for people. I clung to this book like the life-preserver it is and still turn to it often. Judy Collins has a distinctive authorial voice (in addition to her singing voice). Some of her passages would, from another writer, make me cringe - but she conveys her experience, and the ragged, non-linear journey through pain into strength and eventually hope, with such care that nothing rang false to me, even passages that I would dismiss as "new-age-y" elsewhere.

[Dreamer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Author shares her personal stories of losing her son to suicide and other difficult times in her life. Not the most helpful for someone who has recently lost two parents, but some is helpful. Be prepared: the "Trust" section is about God.

[Cws]

LP (155.93)Col

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A practical book about healing from loss.