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Pirata
nan
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First published November 1, 1993
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July 3, 2025
No, wait, let me explain... I originally bought this as a joke. It was in the paperback rack at the library book sale. (As if I would pay full price for this, seriously?) It's one of those ironic book purchases; you know, the kind that you're not seriously considering reading, you just thought it would be funny to have on the coffee table when friends came over and everybody has a good laugh over it. I mean, it can't actually be any good, right? I mean, look at it: all paperbacky and stuff, with a shirtless Fabio on the cover, his golden locks of hair flowing in the breeze, his chiseled pectorals, that penetrating stare, that--- Pfft, what a big moron that guy is, huh? His name, handwritten (as if he actually "wrote" the book; the first page says "in collaboration with" Eugenia Riley, and we all know he probably gave her some ideas but that she wrote the whole thing) in big print. And the title, "Pirate" in big BOLD letters, like, LOOK AT ME! I'm a BOOK! Seriously, who reads this crap...
So, I, um, read the book.
I'm sorry, really I am, but it just kept staring at me from the coffee table. It just kept sitting there, waiting to be read, and you know how I am with lonely books. I'm a sucker for them, even the trashy ones. I just figured, what's the harm in opening it up and reading, like, the first two pages. Just, you know, give it a chance, see what it has to offer. It's not like I have to commit to it or anything...
But you know me. I'm the type of guy who, once I start a book, I have to finish it. Call it OCD, anal retentiveness, whatever. I couldn't just stop after the first two pages, let's be realistic. It meant nothing, though, really. Just a quick, harmless read. Silly, really... And yet, it haunts me. It's laughable purple prose, it's ridiculous plot, it's constant reference to things like "engorged member" and "heaving bosoms". I just can't shake the memory of it. It was just a bodice-ripper, a throw-away, a trashy romance, a--- oh, who am I kidding?
I actually liked it. God, it feels so liberating to say that: I liked it. It was entertaining. It was fun. Sure, it wasn't great. Even though Fabio isn't a great writer, at least he knows how to use spell-check. And there's a little bit of Fabio on every page. (Oh, no, wait, that's just "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" that spilled off the toast I was eating while I read...) Granted, it could have used a little less build-up to the first sex scene (which happens right around page 268), the little tease that it is, but once you get there, DAMN, it's good! And the sex scenes happen every other page, it seems, after that. Real torrid, steamy stuff. And yet innocently playful. No kinky, weird shit, either, unless you consider a 40-year-old pirate having sex with his 19-year-old virgin ward that he's been watching over since she was 12 and passing off as his "niece". Yeah, okay, that's kinda wrong... But other than that, it's pretty decent stuff.
Do I feel embarrassed? A little. Would I read it again? Absolutely! Uh, I mean, No, actually, no, no, I wouldn't...
So, I, um, read the book.
I'm sorry, really I am, but it just kept staring at me from the coffee table. It just kept sitting there, waiting to be read, and you know how I am with lonely books. I'm a sucker for them, even the trashy ones. I just figured, what's the harm in opening it up and reading, like, the first two pages. Just, you know, give it a chance, see what it has to offer. It's not like I have to commit to it or anything...
But you know me. I'm the type of guy who, once I start a book, I have to finish it. Call it OCD, anal retentiveness, whatever. I couldn't just stop after the first two pages, let's be realistic. It meant nothing, though, really. Just a quick, harmless read. Silly, really... And yet, it haunts me. It's laughable purple prose, it's ridiculous plot, it's constant reference to things like "engorged member" and "heaving bosoms". I just can't shake the memory of it. It was just a bodice-ripper, a throw-away, a trashy romance, a--- oh, who am I kidding?
I actually liked it. God, it feels so liberating to say that: I liked it. It was entertaining. It was fun. Sure, it wasn't great. Even though Fabio isn't a great writer, at least he knows how to use spell-check. And there's a little bit of Fabio on every page. (Oh, no, wait, that's just "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" that spilled off the toast I was eating while I read...) Granted, it could have used a little less build-up to the first sex scene (which happens right around page 268), the little tease that it is, but once you get there, DAMN, it's good! And the sex scenes happen every other page, it seems, after that. Real torrid, steamy stuff. And yet innocently playful. No kinky, weird shit, either, unless you consider a 40-year-old pirate having sex with his 19-year-old virgin ward that he's been watching over since she was 12 and passing off as his "niece". Yeah, okay, that's kinda wrong... But other than that, it's pretty decent stuff.
Do I feel embarrassed? A little. Would I read it again? Absolutely! Uh, I mean, No, actually, no, no, I wouldn't...
December 31, 2007
I bought this book as a deterrent for a youth group... any boy caught calling a girl "bitch" or "ho" would have to read a few pages aloud to the rest of the group. Amazingly, once I read them a random selection, that language completely disappeared from the group meetings. Thanks, Fabio!
September 7, 2010
Privateer Marco Galviano rescues 12-year-old Christina Abbott from being raped and killed by the Spanish, takes her to his island and spoils her rotten without realizing the chit is completely in love with him (though how she even knew what love was at 12 is beyond me)…Flash forward six years. Christina is now eighteen (almost on the shelf!) and she’s trying to remind Marco of the promise he made her six years ago, of one day (when she’s old and wise enough) marrying her. There’s a slight problem, though, he thinks of her as his sister (a sick, perv of a brother having impure thoughts about his little sister).
Well, she’s determined, so much in fact, she drives every other woman away, tries to make him jealous (almost ending being raped), to get rid of her (and his improper and impure thoughts about her) he arranges a marriage for her which she shamelessly exploits to make him even more jealous, he finally succumbs to his baser instincts, proceeds in thoroughly bedding her for the rest of the book, all the while juggling assassins, kidnappers, scorned women, Christina’s doubts, his own doubt, etc….until the requisite HEA.
Yay!!! Standing ovation for this masterpiece of fiction…Nah, just kidding. Though, from what I wrote this would seem a pretty solid little historical romance (if you cut out a few “mistress scenes”, a lot “bratty heroine scenes”, an equal amount of “idiot male scenes”, and my words in brackets).
If someone else wrote it, maybe, just maybe this could’ve worked. Having been written by Fabio on the other hand, this was a perfect male fantasy and should be (despite the genre) read by male population only who would see in this a perfect bodice-ripper, while I merely saw a book-ripper in the making.
The plot aside, this was amateurishly written (where was the “mysterious” collaborator when this was going down?), idiotic, women-demeaning (with yet another heroine I abhorred), embarrassing, stupid, juvenile, [fill in the blanks with every “bad” adjective out there], written from a completely male point of view, and an utter waste of time, energy, and brain cells.
Instead of being to-laugh stupid as I secretly expected, it made me cringe from beginning to end. A sad excuse for a historical romance. A sad excuse for a work of fiction all together.
Well, she’s determined, so much in fact, she drives every other woman away, tries to make him jealous (almost ending being raped), to get rid of her (and his improper and impure thoughts about her) he arranges a marriage for her which she shamelessly exploits to make him even more jealous, he finally succumbs to his baser instincts, proceeds in thoroughly bedding her for the rest of the book, all the while juggling assassins, kidnappers, scorned women, Christina’s doubts, his own doubt, etc….until the requisite HEA.
Yay!!! Standing ovation for this masterpiece of fiction…Nah, just kidding. Though, from what I wrote this would seem a pretty solid little historical romance (if you cut out a few “mistress scenes”, a lot “bratty heroine scenes”, an equal amount of “idiot male scenes”, and my words in brackets).
If someone else wrote it, maybe, just maybe this could’ve worked. Having been written by Fabio on the other hand, this was a perfect male fantasy and should be (despite the genre) read by male population only who would see in this a perfect bodice-ripper, while I merely saw a book-ripper in the making.
The plot aside, this was amateurishly written (where was the “mysterious” collaborator when this was going down?), idiotic, women-demeaning (with yet another heroine I abhorred), embarrassing, stupid, juvenile, [fill in the blanks with every “bad” adjective out there], written from a completely male point of view, and an utter waste of time, energy, and brain cells.
Instead of being to-laugh stupid as I secretly expected, it made me cringe from beginning to end. A sad excuse for a historical romance. A sad excuse for a work of fiction all together.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 18, 2011
I bought this for a quarter in a Goodwill in Amish Country, PA. It is written by Fabio. He is also the cover model. And he has a centerfold of himself just inside the front cover that is signed and has the words, "For You Alone" on it. I am reading it. This has been a series of true statements.
This book is exactly what you think it is. Amazing and horrible. Amazingly horrible?
This book is exactly what you think it is. Amazing and horrible. Amazingly horrible?
February 16, 2009
This book was awful. I enjoyed every minute of it.
Yes, it was one of those books. By all rights, this should have gotten a much lower rating, but it was so unintentionally hilarious, I could not stop laughing.
I seriously don't think I could ever do justice to how many "wait... what just happened? Are you kidding? But that makes no sense!" moments there were in this book. The prose was so purple I was amazed the pages hadn't been stained that colour, there was some excessive abuse of exclamation points going on, and the dialogue was wooden and awkward. Christina was annoying and immature, her eighteen-year-old incarnation apparently not having grown emotionally from the twelve-year-old version we meet at the beginning of the book. Marco whined and suffered from severe mood swings, and did I mention he's not only a pacifistic pirate but a blonde Italian?
The book more or less ends with a James Bond-esque villain speech, followed by a last minute heroic escape from death involving much swashbuckling. Literary-wise, I don't think this book had any redeeming features. It was horrible. And it lived up to all the hopes and expectations I held for it.
Yes, it was one of those books. By all rights, this should have gotten a much lower rating, but it was so unintentionally hilarious, I could not stop laughing.
I seriously don't think I could ever do justice to how many "wait... what just happened? Are you kidding? But that makes no sense!" moments there were in this book. The prose was so purple I was amazed the pages hadn't been stained that colour, there was some excessive abuse of exclamation points going on, and the dialogue was wooden and awkward. Christina was annoying and immature, her eighteen-year-old incarnation apparently not having grown emotionally from the twelve-year-old version we meet at the beginning of the book. Marco whined and suffered from severe mood swings, and did I mention he's not only a pacifistic pirate but a blonde Italian?
The book more or less ends with a James Bond-esque villain speech, followed by a last minute heroic escape from death involving much swashbuckling. Literary-wise, I don't think this book had any redeeming features. It was horrible. And it lived up to all the hopes and expectations I held for it.
July 25, 2025
My book club read this as a joke, and I congratulate all four of those brave women for surviving this disaster. I feel very accomplished and resilient for finishing this dumpster fire of a book. The desire to quit was strong, but we endured.
There's a very slight possibility that this could have gotten 2 stars out of me if Christina was 16-17 when they met and if it was 100 pages shorter. Still wouldn't have changed the fact that it was terrible. It just would have been easier to get through. I would also have accepted more character deaths in exchange for 2 stars. Both Marco and Christina are top choices, but I would have also enjoyed Rosa or Carlos dying.
The majority of my inner thoughts:
The first 100 pages - "yuck"
The next 200 pages - "so toxic"
The last 100 pages - "please die"
There's a very slight possibility that this could have gotten 2 stars out of me if Christina was 16-17 when they met and if it was 100 pages shorter. Still wouldn't have changed the fact that it was terrible. It just would have been easier to get through. I would also have accepted more character deaths in exchange for 2 stars. Both Marco and Christina are top choices, but I would have also enjoyed Rosa or Carlos dying.
The majority of my inner thoughts:
The first 100 pages - "yuck"
The next 200 pages - "so toxic"
The last 100 pages - "please die"
September 24, 2023
jajaja qué joya de la literatura romántica! a él lo único que le preocupaba era su cabello jajajaja
3/5⭐😆
“ Su primera amante siempre será el mar.”
🏴☠️ RE lectura de una novela romántica de los años ochenta así que, aquellas que amamos el género y el estilo de historias de ésa época saben de qué libro y qué modelo es. Fabio Lanzoni ES MI James Mallory de “Amable y Tirano” de Johanna Lindsey, no lo dudo. Ahora, ¿Con qué necesidad escribir libros?🤣 Creo que hay cierta humor/ ironía hacia la novela romántica en sí misma. Eso sí: alto voltaje erótico, obvio, porque la lectora tiene que conocer el poder 🙄de su masculinidad.
🏴 “Pirata” es el único libro de Fabio que salió en español publicado allá por el año 1993 y decidí releerlo para recordar un par de cosas y para reirme un rato, disfrutar. Tengo entendido que éste libro fue escrito en colaboración con una escritora cuyo nombre no recuerdo. Debo decir que tiene un par más escritos en inglés.
🏴Algo mucho muy importante: El autor espera a que la niña crezca para iniciar su affaire, aunque en aquellos tiempos y en esas islas remotas donde son sitios primitivos y lo dice el propio Fabio bajo el protagonista de nombre Marco. Aunque… la que empieza el juego de seducción ya cuando ella tiene dieciocho años es Christina (alias Cara) y él empieza a verla ya no más con “ojos paternales”. 🙄 Pobre Marco, que ella le insiste en saber qué se siente ser besada y “apareada”🤣
🏴A lo largo de tantos años Fabio Lanzoni siendo modelo de portadas románticas y siendo ÉL el seductor, aquí, él será el seducido🤣🤣🤣, eso sí sin descuidar detalle alguno de la descripción de su belleza masculina y de su “gran mástil” (nombre que le da a su miembro) que se vuelve cansina pero yo no dejé de reirme.
🏴☠️Aparte de hermoso y sexy pirata sanguinario por donde se lo mire, despiadado, salvaje y rudo como el mar Caribe, es también un hombre bondadoso, un joven de 22 años (aunque en la portada no lo parezca🤣)que rescata a Christina "Cara" junto con su niñera, del ataque de piratas españoles, de Carlos, gran enemigo de Marco. Cara es huérfana y al llegar a la isla donde Marco tiene su casa, ella se siente en su hogar. Así da comienzo “Pirata”.
🏴☠️Christina tiene doce años, ella es una niña que lo ve "hermoso" desde su inocencia a tal punto que lo endiosa y siendo una niña le pregunta si se casaría con ella y él, creyendo que con el correr de los años se olvidaría, le dice que por supuesto. Y Christina no lo olvida.
🏴☠️Y es por ello que a los dieciocho años ella un día le dice: “Christina lo miraba llena de deseo, de adoración y de confianza...—Ahora eres mío —dijo la muchacha con un susurro feroz. Marco se quedó mirándola. ¡Madre santa, lo decía en serio! Murmuró una maldición y se alejó velozmente.”🤣
🏴☠️¡Ah! Tampoco debo olvidar mencionar a Pansy, una chita que es la mascota de nuestro maromo y que con Cara se comportará mansamente. O sea, él logró rescatar y domar a un felino salvaje de la naturaleza y ahora tendrá que “domesticar” a la niña que salvó para que los otros miembros de La Spada no se aprovechen de ella.
🏴☠️Christina batallará para ganar el corazón del hombre que idolatraba desde que era una niña y que ahora empieza a amar como mujer. Pero no se engaña. Marco Glaviano no le pertenece. El corazón del veneciano pertenecía al mar, un corazón que también quedó huérfano siendo joven, entonces, acongojado y amargado, se lanzó al mar como pirata con una tripulación reclutada entre sus propios compatriotas. Dejó de lado las convenciones y la religión formal y llegó al Nuevo Mundo, y allí recibió una oferta del almirante británico que le brindó la anhelada oportunidad de vengarse de quienes mataron a su padre. Marco se enrola como corsario inglés en la guerra contra España.
🏴☠️Recomendado para las que amamos a Fabio Lanzoni, donde él será un hombre perseguido por la obsesión de una mujer🤣
3/5⭐😆
“ Su primera amante siempre será el mar.”
🏴☠️ RE lectura de una novela romántica de los años ochenta así que, aquellas que amamos el género y el estilo de historias de ésa época saben de qué libro y qué modelo es. Fabio Lanzoni ES MI James Mallory de “Amable y Tirano” de Johanna Lindsey, no lo dudo. Ahora, ¿Con qué necesidad escribir libros?🤣 Creo que hay cierta humor/ ironía hacia la novela romántica en sí misma. Eso sí: alto voltaje erótico, obvio, porque la lectora tiene que conocer el poder 🙄de su masculinidad.
🏴 “Pirata” es el único libro de Fabio que salió en español publicado allá por el año 1993 y decidí releerlo para recordar un par de cosas y para reirme un rato, disfrutar. Tengo entendido que éste libro fue escrito en colaboración con una escritora cuyo nombre no recuerdo. Debo decir que tiene un par más escritos en inglés.
🏴Algo mucho muy importante: El autor espera a que la niña crezca para iniciar su affaire, aunque en aquellos tiempos y en esas islas remotas donde son sitios primitivos y lo dice el propio Fabio bajo el protagonista de nombre Marco. Aunque… la que empieza el juego de seducción ya cuando ella tiene dieciocho años es Christina (alias Cara) y él empieza a verla ya no más con “ojos paternales”. 🙄 Pobre Marco, que ella le insiste en saber qué se siente ser besada y “apareada”🤣
🏴A lo largo de tantos años Fabio Lanzoni siendo modelo de portadas románticas y siendo ÉL el seductor, aquí, él será el seducido🤣🤣🤣, eso sí sin descuidar detalle alguno de la descripción de su belleza masculina y de su “gran mástil” (nombre que le da a su miembro) que se vuelve cansina pero yo no dejé de reirme.
🏴☠️Aparte de hermoso y sexy pirata sanguinario por donde se lo mire, despiadado, salvaje y rudo como el mar Caribe, es también un hombre bondadoso, un joven de 22 años (aunque en la portada no lo parezca🤣)que rescata a Christina "Cara" junto con su niñera, del ataque de piratas españoles, de Carlos, gran enemigo de Marco. Cara es huérfana y al llegar a la isla donde Marco tiene su casa, ella se siente en su hogar. Así da comienzo “Pirata”.
🏴☠️Christina tiene doce años, ella es una niña que lo ve "hermoso" desde su inocencia a tal punto que lo endiosa y siendo una niña le pregunta si se casaría con ella y él, creyendo que con el correr de los años se olvidaría, le dice que por supuesto. Y Christina no lo olvida.
🏴☠️Y es por ello que a los dieciocho años ella un día le dice: “Christina lo miraba llena de deseo, de adoración y de confianza...—Ahora eres mío —dijo la muchacha con un susurro feroz. Marco se quedó mirándola. ¡Madre santa, lo decía en serio! Murmuró una maldición y se alejó velozmente.”🤣
🏴☠️¡Ah! Tampoco debo olvidar mencionar a Pansy, una chita que es la mascota de nuestro maromo y que con Cara se comportará mansamente. O sea, él logró rescatar y domar a un felino salvaje de la naturaleza y ahora tendrá que “domesticar” a la niña que salvó para que los otros miembros de La Spada no se aprovechen de ella.
🏴☠️Christina batallará para ganar el corazón del hombre que idolatraba desde que era una niña y que ahora empieza a amar como mujer. Pero no se engaña. Marco Glaviano no le pertenece. El corazón del veneciano pertenecía al mar, un corazón que también quedó huérfano siendo joven, entonces, acongojado y amargado, se lanzó al mar como pirata con una tripulación reclutada entre sus propios compatriotas. Dejó de lado las convenciones y la religión formal y llegó al Nuevo Mundo, y allí recibió una oferta del almirante británico que le brindó la anhelada oportunidad de vengarse de quienes mataron a su padre. Marco se enrola como corsario inglés en la guerra contra España.
🏴☠️Recomendado para las que amamos a Fabio Lanzoni, donde él será un hombre perseguido por la obsesión de una mujer🤣
December 9, 2007
I can't believe I read this. It came with a mini poster of Fabio. My kids found this in my closet and teased me mercilessly. I never knew where that Fabio poster would show up!!!!
March 18, 2009
This is the first book I've read by Fabio. I found it by fate at Bargain Books in the valley for $1.00. I figured, why not get it. I'm curious... HE wrote it. That shocked me right there.
Originally I bought the book for my mom so she can read it to escape everyday crazyness. It stayed on the kitchen table for over a week before I decided to read it.
My romance novel phase lasted the 4 years of my high school experience. Here I am 9 years later picking up a romance novel!
This book is full of witty quips, naughty overtones, sensual descriptions that made me "tear" through the book in 3 days! He wrote this in collaboration with Euginia Riley and I would like to meet both of them and say, "Thank you for restoring my eagerness to read romance novels."
His hero is based on himself--Fabio-- and is aged 22 when he rescuse a 12 year old girl from an island and takes her to live with him and his friends on another island, vowing to take care of her, making sure no harm comes to her. There is immediate attraction between the Pirate and Christina and it's fun to watch them interact, annoy and avoid each other. :)
I finished reading this book late February 2009.
Originally I bought the book for my mom so she can read it to escape everyday crazyness. It stayed on the kitchen table for over a week before I decided to read it.
My romance novel phase lasted the 4 years of my high school experience. Here I am 9 years later picking up a romance novel!
This book is full of witty quips, naughty overtones, sensual descriptions that made me "tear" through the book in 3 days! He wrote this in collaboration with Euginia Riley and I would like to meet both of them and say, "Thank you for restoring my eagerness to read romance novels."
His hero is based on himself--Fabio-- and is aged 22 when he rescuse a 12 year old girl from an island and takes her to live with him and his friends on another island, vowing to take care of her, making sure no harm comes to her. There is immediate attraction between the Pirate and Christina and it's fun to watch them interact, annoy and avoid each other. :)
I finished reading this book late February 2009.
January 23, 2011
A meaty story. (No pun intended)
I thought this book was well written and the plot was full of adventure, exciting depth in the characters, sizzling love scenes and a great alpha lead.
After this one, I sought out other books by Fabio.
Although this book was a collaboration between 2 writers, I could easily see the dominate male influence in this story. Being partial to dominate alphas, my thinking was enlightened regarding Fabio as a writer.
I have never given much thought to the man Fabio, but since the book I have developed high regard for his talent.
June 6, 2007
The avatar of the sex god tantalizes and titilates in this sexy tale of swashbuckling on the high seas. This book truly shivered my timbers and I would be willing to swab his poopdeck any day.
Read
August 6, 2011Yes I did.
November 3, 2015
1993. The first WTC bombing. Waco, Texas. The Tomsk-7 explosion. And Pirate by Fabio. A disastrous year.
The blame can’t be laid entirely on the man who killed a goose with his nose, however. Eugenia Riley, most well known for her time-travel romances, shares a “with” credit. How much input an Italian supermodel was allowed to have on the plot is up for debate, but Pirate is the first of five historical collaborations released in Fabio’s name. (As the 90s waned, he switched to a series of romantic suspenses titled, Dangerous, Wild, and Mysterious. A man of many words, Fabio is not.) I suspect Fabio of a fair amount of involvement, however, because Pirate features a very male plot.
Marco Glaviano has been a very busy young man. Between eighteen and twenty-two, he’s lost both of his parents, acquired a ship and crew, left Venice to turn pirate, gained quite a reputation, made an arch-enemy, sailed to “Arabia”, sailed to the new world, traded in his pirating for privateering, fought numerous battles, so impressed the British they gave him an island, and ended up in precisely the right place to rescue a twelve year old Christina Abbott.
(Marco Glaviano is also the name of a famous photographer from the eighties and nineties. He worked mainly with supermodels. Which Fabio is one. There is literally no way he didn’t know that when the main character was named. It’s like he predicted the rise of Google and picked a name so that when people searched, “Did Fabio work with Marco Glaviano?” they would get his terrible pirate book instead. - AN: Is Fabio a time traveler? Investigate further.)
Marco’s nemesis, Carlos, has raided an island. Marco watches dispassionately from his ship until he sees one of Carlos’ men preparing to rape a woman. Being a stand up guy who can’t abide a rape, (wanton murder and destruction are a-ok,) Marco sends his crew in to stop the marauding. He’s too late to stop the rapist, but during a daring sword fight, he gazes upon the innocent yet defiant visage of our heroine. Who again, is twelve. Deciding he can’t leave a child to Carlos’ ministrations, Marco kidnaps her and her nurse and takes them back to his island. (But not the woman he just watched get raped. She’ll just have to deal with the pirates herself.)
Once aboard his ship, Marco develops an unexpectedly fraternal/paternal stirring for the child, but Christina has something else in mind. For the next six years, while Marco spoils her like a favorite pet, Christina doggedly pursues him until she reaches the absolute minimum age Avon is willing to publish. A light is switched in Marco’s head and suddenly he realizes that his cara is totally boneable.
The plot is a complete male power fantasy, unlike anything I’ve seen in the romance genre. The precocious Lolita who pursues the virtuous, but dangerous, but sexually magnetic older man. Marco’s physical description is more Conan than Jack Sparrow, as the book lovingly depicts his strength and bulging muscles. Not that romance heroes aren’t frequently built like mack trucks, but Marco’s descriptions push beyond. He’s what men think women want. Sexually experienced, having enjoyed the company of a few wenches and whores, but not so many as to be intimidating. The kind of man who uses condoms, (in 1472!) so as not to be tied down, but fantasizes about getting you pregnant. A dangerous pirate, but pursuing justice for his dead parents. And above all, jealous, possessive, and completely unwilling to communicate.
Forgive me for not swooning dead away.
The book actually has an overabundance of plot, which frankly wasn’t what I expected. Christina’s Lolita ways force Marco to find her a husband, which sets in motion a “we all have to pretend to not be pirates!” farce. The orphaned Christina’s guardian is tipped off that she might still be alive and Carlos reconciles with his ex-mistress, recently snubbed by Marco himself. Three beta romances, two kidnappings, fake priests, miscommunications, secret babies, animal sidekicks. It’s a lot of book.
And that book is bad. Some of it is a product of its times, teetering just on the edge of “old skool” romance, where rape was a common plot point, even between the hero and heroine. I suppose I can grudgingly give points there; Christina is always eager for Marco, even when, say, she was just kept as a sex slave and boning should be the last thing on her mind. (Marco’s mistress, however, is a victim of this nonsense. Warning, though none of you should read this.) Likewise, the word “manroot” may have cause my cervix to descend and slam shut like Fort Knox, but I understand the 90s were big on the purple euphemisms. And I expect nothing less than sails unfurling about masts in a book called Pirate. However, the vast majority of my issues are just bad writing.
There are a lot of plot holes. First, as I touched on, Marco cannot be twenty-two when the book begins. It’s just not possible. The very existence of a thriving island filled with crops and partners and children who are definitely older than four proves this. The island was given to Marco as a base when he joined the British, which couldn’t have been more than a year before the start of the book. It just doesn’t make sense. Also the author thinks flamingos live in the Caribbean. And that you can sail, in 1472, from Charlestown to beyond Havana in a week. And that there’s such a thing as a black cheetah and it can be your pet and you can ask it for love advice and it has a mane at at least six years. (I have a lot of feelings about the cute animal sidekick.) The author thinks men curtsy and there are only two Spanish people in the world and Carlos should talk like he’s in a telenovela, because Spanish. That "I had to kill the poor bastard. After all, a man is better off dead than not a man [castrated]."
And then, in an effort for a forced happily ever after for all the subplots, characters to flip motivations on a dime. Christina’s guardian literally just up and disappears. Bad guys are good, getting married is a suitable punishment for sex slavery, and attempted murder is just laughed off with a, “jealous women, am I right, folks?!” I have honestly never read a book that hates its intended audience so much.
When I picked Pirate up at Goodwill, I expected bad writing, weird sex scenes, and a goofy cover. I was hoping for something funny we could all laugh at, (and yes, Rosa getting a snake up her cooch and Monique getting doused with water and taking it as a sign from God are definitely what I was looking for,) but mostly I just got sadness. There’s some promise in the faking respectability plot, but it’s buried under the awful conceit, Christina’s petulance, and Marco’s anger. Racist, misogynistic, and just plain bad, let’s not go back to these good old days.
The blame can’t be laid entirely on the man who killed a goose with his nose, however. Eugenia Riley, most well known for her time-travel romances, shares a “with” credit. How much input an Italian supermodel was allowed to have on the plot is up for debate, but Pirate is the first of five historical collaborations released in Fabio’s name. (As the 90s waned, he switched to a series of romantic suspenses titled, Dangerous, Wild, and Mysterious. A man of many words, Fabio is not.) I suspect Fabio of a fair amount of involvement, however, because Pirate features a very male plot.
Marco Glaviano has been a very busy young man. Between eighteen and twenty-two, he’s lost both of his parents, acquired a ship and crew, left Venice to turn pirate, gained quite a reputation, made an arch-enemy, sailed to “Arabia”, sailed to the new world, traded in his pirating for privateering, fought numerous battles, so impressed the British they gave him an island, and ended up in precisely the right place to rescue a twelve year old Christina Abbott.
(Marco Glaviano is also the name of a famous photographer from the eighties and nineties. He worked mainly with supermodels. Which Fabio is one. There is literally no way he didn’t know that when the main character was named. It’s like he predicted the rise of Google and picked a name so that when people searched, “Did Fabio work with Marco Glaviano?” they would get his terrible pirate book instead. - AN: Is Fabio a time traveler? Investigate further.)
Marco’s nemesis, Carlos, has raided an island. Marco watches dispassionately from his ship until he sees one of Carlos’ men preparing to rape a woman. Being a stand up guy who can’t abide a rape, (wanton murder and destruction are a-ok,) Marco sends his crew in to stop the marauding. He’s too late to stop the rapist, but during a daring sword fight, he gazes upon the innocent yet defiant visage of our heroine. Who again, is twelve. Deciding he can’t leave a child to Carlos’ ministrations, Marco kidnaps her and her nurse and takes them back to his island. (But not the woman he just watched get raped. She’ll just have to deal with the pirates herself.)
Once aboard his ship, Marco develops an unexpectedly fraternal/paternal stirring for the child, but Christina has something else in mind. For the next six years, while Marco spoils her like a favorite pet, Christina doggedly pursues him until she reaches the absolute minimum age Avon is willing to publish. A light is switched in Marco’s head and suddenly he realizes that his cara is totally boneable.
The plot is a complete male power fantasy, unlike anything I’ve seen in the romance genre. The precocious Lolita who pursues the virtuous, but dangerous, but sexually magnetic older man. Marco’s physical description is more Conan than Jack Sparrow, as the book lovingly depicts his strength and bulging muscles. Not that romance heroes aren’t frequently built like mack trucks, but Marco’s descriptions push beyond. He’s what men think women want. Sexually experienced, having enjoyed the company of a few wenches and whores, but not so many as to be intimidating. The kind of man who uses condoms, (in 1472!) so as not to be tied down, but fantasizes about getting you pregnant. A dangerous pirate, but pursuing justice for his dead parents. And above all, jealous, possessive, and completely unwilling to communicate.
Forgive me for not swooning dead away.
The book actually has an overabundance of plot, which frankly wasn’t what I expected. Christina’s Lolita ways force Marco to find her a husband, which sets in motion a “we all have to pretend to not be pirates!” farce. The orphaned Christina’s guardian is tipped off that she might still be alive and Carlos reconciles with his ex-mistress, recently snubbed by Marco himself. Three beta romances, two kidnappings, fake priests, miscommunications, secret babies, animal sidekicks. It’s a lot of book.
And that book is bad. Some of it is a product of its times, teetering just on the edge of “old skool” romance, where rape was a common plot point, even between the hero and heroine. I suppose I can grudgingly give points there; Christina is always eager for Marco, even when, say, she was just kept as a sex slave and boning should be the last thing on her mind. (Marco’s mistress, however, is a victim of this nonsense. Warning, though none of you should read this.) Likewise, the word “manroot” may have cause my cervix to descend and slam shut like Fort Knox, but I understand the 90s were big on the purple euphemisms. And I expect nothing less than sails unfurling about masts in a book called Pirate. However, the vast majority of my issues are just bad writing.
There are a lot of plot holes. First, as I touched on, Marco cannot be twenty-two when the book begins. It’s just not possible. The very existence of a thriving island filled with crops and partners and children who are definitely older than four proves this. The island was given to Marco as a base when he joined the British, which couldn’t have been more than a year before the start of the book. It just doesn’t make sense. Also the author thinks flamingos live in the Caribbean. And that you can sail, in 1472, from Charlestown to beyond Havana in a week. And that there’s such a thing as a black cheetah and it can be your pet and you can ask it for love advice and it has a mane at at least six years. (I have a lot of feelings about the cute animal sidekick.) The author thinks men curtsy and there are only two Spanish people in the world and Carlos should talk like he’s in a telenovela, because Spanish. That "I had to kill the poor bastard. After all, a man is better off dead than not a man [castrated]."
And then, in an effort for a forced happily ever after for all the subplots, characters to flip motivations on a dime. Christina’s guardian literally just up and disappears. Bad guys are good, getting married is a suitable punishment for sex slavery, and attempted murder is just laughed off with a, “jealous women, am I right, folks?!” I have honestly never read a book that hates its intended audience so much.
When I picked Pirate up at Goodwill, I expected bad writing, weird sex scenes, and a goofy cover. I was hoping for something funny we could all laugh at, (and yes, Rosa getting a snake up her cooch and Monique getting doused with water and taking it as a sign from God are definitely what I was looking for,) but mostly I just got sadness. There’s some promise in the faking respectability plot, but it’s buried under the awful conceit, Christina’s petulance, and Marco’s anger. Racist, misogynistic, and just plain bad, let’s not go back to these good old days.
dropped
March 18, 2023Бросаю на 17 процентах, потому что всё ну очень плохо, а нелепый разговор о желанном ребёнке (потому что о чём же ещё может мечтать восемнадцатилетняя девушка?) стал моей последней каплей.
May 5, 2024
Bought this book as a joke and was excited, but it has a creepy pedophile vibe in the beginning as the pirate expresses feelings towards a young child.
August 12, 2010
What should I do with the Fabio-crawling-around-on-a-sandy-beach poster that was inside this book? Place it over my TV for a weird juxtaposition of seeing Uber Man Fabio while I'm watching Criminal Minds play break-the-cutie with Dr. Reid? (I think this is the only option.)
June 2, 2009
This really is a fascinating shard of shrapnel from the Fabio explosion. It is written in his unmistakable voice, which arouses more amusement than passion in me.
January 19, 2025
Haha this was great. Cheesy at times, cringey a bit at the beginning, steam at other times, and funny at others. Some words used are ick like “manroot” off the top of my head.
This was written by Fabio in colab with Riley it’s not a Pulitzer people and it’s from 1993!
The cover is fabulous. I have the hardback copy and first edition paperback. The paperback has a mini poster of Fabio in it!
First off the story starts in 1742 when Marco rescues Christina from Spanish pirates raping and pillaging the island Christina’s guardian sent her and a companion to. Christina is an orphan and the guardian is a magistrate. She is 12 at this point and Marco is 22, as well as an orphan. She is instantly taken by Marco as he is her hero. Marco’s love is the sea. He doesn’t see Christina in a romantic way as a child.
Skip forward 6 years, 1748, Christiana is 18 and Marco is 28. She is in love with Marco and has been for a number of years. She even wants to marry him. Marco has spoiled her. She’s a wild free young woman and has been since being on Marco’s island. Marco acts like a friend and protector. Other young ladies on the island have kids by 17. Different times am I right? Also, fiction.
Now that Christina is 18 she flirts and pursues Marco hard and full steam ahead. This young woman knows what she wants and Marco repels and denies her at every turn, until he doesn’t.
There are pirates, kidnappings, wenches, depiction of rape (not of Christina), drinking, use of the word bitch a few times, slayings, arranged marriage, orphans, a black cheetah and a parrot, and sex. The author(s) wanted to hit every single box of a romance fiction story. They really tried to pack it all in one novel.
Is this the best, no. Did it entertain me, yes. Was it a bit cringe in the beginning, sure, but power through. This is not a modern book! This is fiction! And romantic fantasy fiction at that. It’s not real! No one is going to read a Fabio book for a lesson in creative writing or guiding someone in a relationship.
Someone also criticized the use of “condoms” in this story. A quick Google search will show and tell you that condoms have been around for centuries. So a type of “condom” would be plausible in the 1700s. Albeit not what we know condoms to be today, at least material wise.
This was written by Fabio in colab with Riley it’s not a Pulitzer people and it’s from 1993!
The cover is fabulous. I have the hardback copy and first edition paperback. The paperback has a mini poster of Fabio in it!
First off the story starts in 1742 when Marco rescues Christina from Spanish pirates raping and pillaging the island Christina’s guardian sent her and a companion to. Christina is an orphan and the guardian is a magistrate. She is 12 at this point and Marco is 22, as well as an orphan. She is instantly taken by Marco as he is her hero. Marco’s love is the sea. He doesn’t see Christina in a romantic way as a child.
Skip forward 6 years, 1748, Christiana is 18 and Marco is 28. She is in love with Marco and has been for a number of years. She even wants to marry him. Marco has spoiled her. She’s a wild free young woman and has been since being on Marco’s island. Marco acts like a friend and protector. Other young ladies on the island have kids by 17. Different times am I right? Also, fiction.
Now that Christina is 18 she flirts and pursues Marco hard and full steam ahead. This young woman knows what she wants and Marco repels and denies her at every turn, until he doesn’t.
There are pirates, kidnappings, wenches, depiction of rape (not of Christina), drinking, use of the word bitch a few times, slayings, arranged marriage, orphans, a black cheetah and a parrot, and sex. The author(s) wanted to hit every single box of a romance fiction story. They really tried to pack it all in one novel.
Is this the best, no. Did it entertain me, yes. Was it a bit cringe in the beginning, sure, but power through. This is not a modern book! This is fiction! And romantic fantasy fiction at that. It’s not real! No one is going to read a Fabio book for a lesson in creative writing or guiding someone in a relationship.
Someone also criticized the use of “condoms” in this story. A quick Google search will show and tell you that condoms have been around for centuries. So a type of “condom” would be plausible in the 1700s. Albeit not what we know condoms to be today, at least material wise.
September 29, 2021
Who was this for?
I didn't read this with the intention of dunking on it, because Eugenia Riley (the ghostwriter) is an actual romance novelist, and even with (or maybe, especially with?)Fabio's participation there's a chance that this would be worthwhile.
It's not. It just not.
Marco, the hero, is a blonde Italian pirate that you are clearly supposed to view as Fabio, which was an uncomfortable experience for me because I cannot sexualize Fabio. If only Christina, the heroine, had that same problem.
Marco kidnaps Christina when she's twelve years old in order to "save" her from other pirates that will surely rape her. He then raises Christina, along with a parrot, and a tiger that has some internalized misogyny that she needs to deal with. (This lady tiger only bites women, it seems. Sans Christina, of course.)Fabio Marco is essentially her father figure, but Christina never sees him in that light, and she is just counting down the days til she's an adult and can properly romance him.
While reading this I kept comparing it to The Windflower because Merry in The Windflower is also a young heroine kidnapped by pirates, and there's a similar sort of whimsy in the storytelling. I wish I had just re-read The Windflower instead of reading this!
I think it can work if you want to experience it as camp, but for some reason my brain said "NO!" and just completely rejected getting any type of joy out of this book.
I didn't read this with the intention of dunking on it, because Eugenia Riley (the ghostwriter) is an actual romance novelist, and even with (or maybe, especially with?)Fabio's participation there's a chance that this would be worthwhile.
It's not. It just not.
Marco, the hero, is a blonde Italian pirate that you are clearly supposed to view as Fabio, which was an uncomfortable experience for me because I cannot sexualize Fabio. If only Christina, the heroine, had that same problem.
Marco kidnaps Christina when she's twelve years old in order to "save" her from other pirates that will surely rape her. He then raises Christina, along with a parrot, and a tiger that has some internalized misogyny that she needs to deal with. (This lady tiger only bites women, it seems. Sans Christina, of course.)
While reading this I kept comparing it to The Windflower because Merry in The Windflower is also a young heroine kidnapped by pirates, and there's a similar sort of whimsy in the storytelling. I wish I had just re-read The Windflower instead of reading this!
I think it can work if you want to experience it as camp, but for some reason my brain said "NO!" and just completely rejected getting any type of joy out of this book.
August 28, 2019
I gave this book one star because the prose is so hideously purple that I've never managed to actually read it for more than half a page at a time, but I could also use this same fact to give this book five stars.
This might be my favorite terrible book. I like to show it off to people who come to my house for the first time ("Have you ever read PIRATE... by FAAAAABIO??") and stun them with its included original color insert poster of Fabio lolling in the surf before requesting, "Go on--ask me where to stop," and flipping through the pages until they call a halt. Then I read aloud whatever magnificently awful, daytime-soap-opera-esque/gross-sexy paragraph my eyes have fallen on, and friendship blossoms between us.
This might be my favorite terrible book. I like to show it off to people who come to my house for the first time ("Have you ever read PIRATE... by FAAAAABIO??") and stun them with its included original color insert poster of Fabio lolling in the surf before requesting, "Go on--ask me where to stop," and flipping through the pages until they call a halt. Then I read aloud whatever magnificently awful, daytime-soap-opera-esque/gross-sexy paragraph my eyes have fallen on, and friendship blossoms between us.
February 2, 2020
Recuerdo bien las portadas de Fabio y afortunadamente, esa época ya pasó. Q le picó para tantear el mundo editorial, solo lo sabrá él. La historia es absolutamente cliché, sin ninguna sorpresa, totalmente predecible. Creo q Fabio pudo dar ideas para la trama, pero no me creo q lo haya escrito él. Si bien reconocen q lo hizo en colaboración, solo aparece su nombre en la portada, lo q me da la idea de q quisieron probarlo como golpe editorial; pero obviamente no salió como esperaban y quedó ahí.
Si no han leído este libro, no pierdan el tiempo. No vale la pena.
Si no han leído este libro, no pierdan el tiempo. No vale la pena.
August 28, 2020
This was like watching a car crash and not being able to look away.
I got this book for 20 cents at a thrift store for a funny gag gift to my father that turned into a running joke insinuating I had to read it. I have to admit this book had way more plot than I originally assumed it would have. Of course, that plot was abysmal, but there was an actual attempt at a book here. I found myself laughing at very inappropriate times in the book, like the numerous times Christina almost castrated the men who had wronged her (would've thrived off of the book if it was just that). The beginning portion when Christina was only 12 was way too drawn out and honestly felt gross to me knowing that Marco and Christina would inevitably end up together. The persistent back and forth of "will they, won't they" made me want to claw out my own eyeballs and almost caused reading whiplash. Also, it took way too long for Marco and Christina to end up together, knowing that it was going to happen, and there was almost no payoff.
But in the end, the epilogue was kind of the best epilogue I've read so far this year.
I got this book for 20 cents at a thrift store for a funny gag gift to my father that turned into a running joke insinuating I had to read it. I have to admit this book had way more plot than I originally assumed it would have. Of course, that plot was abysmal, but there was an actual attempt at a book here. I found myself laughing at very inappropriate times in the book, like the numerous times Christina almost castrated the men who had wronged her (would've thrived off of the book if it was just that). The beginning portion when Christina was only 12 was way too drawn out and honestly felt gross to me knowing that Marco and Christina would inevitably end up together. The persistent back and forth of "will they, won't they" made me want to claw out my own eyeballs and almost caused reading whiplash. Also, it took way too long for Marco and Christina to end up together, knowing that it was going to happen, and there was almost no payoff.
But in the end, the epilogue was kind of the best epilogue I've read so far this year.
October 2, 2021
It’s a very good story, but I couldn’t give it 5 stars. It is another book with an editing problem.Someone should have done a little more research. Pansy is a black leopard not a cheetah. Cheetahs are never black. Not even King Cheetahs. Fabio, having been born and raised in Italy should be well aware that anyone who speaks Italian can understand Spanish and visa versa. I don’t speak either, but my mother spoke Italian. She was able to communicate easily with my uncle’s mother in law, who spoke only Spanish. So I’m speaking from personal experience on this point.
February 4, 2023
So, my brother gave me this as a joke. Back in high school I used to read a lot of books with Fabio on the cover (although my favourite Fabio work is actually his cameo in Bubble Boy - if you have not seen that movie, put down whatever book you are reading and go watch it! …. Ok, back to the buffet!)
I started it last summer thinking it would be a good beach read. But sorry, no. I cannot get past the premise - it’s not the age difference but the relationship of her being his ward. I didn’t finish this one. Too many books to read.
I started it last summer thinking it would be a good beach read. But sorry, no. I cannot get past the premise - it’s not the age difference but the relationship of her being his ward. I didn’t finish this one. Too many books to read.
June 16, 2024
This book deserves a powerpoint presentation as an example of ego.
Written by: Fabio
Cover model: Fabio
Inside mini poster: Fabio
Description of MMC: Fabio
Is this book good? Not entirely. Is this book bad? No. It is a teensy bit creepy with the MMC winning on to the FMC who also happens to be his adopted daughter but overall it's a pretty readable book. It is fairly standard of romance novels of the 80's / 90's and is kind of fun to giggle at.
Written by: Fabio
Cover model: Fabio
Inside mini poster: Fabio
Description of MMC: Fabio
Is this book good? Not entirely. Is this book bad? No. It is a teensy bit creepy with the MMC winning on to the FMC who also happens to be his adopted daughter but overall it's a pretty readable book. It is fairly standard of romance novels of the 80's / 90's and is kind of fun to giggle at.
June 16, 2022
Let's get one thing straight, I don't rate books on whether or not they are actually good books, I rate them according to how much I enjoyed them. I seriously enjoyed this book. It was lighthearted, funny, and sexy. The characters were unrealistic and downright cartoon-ish sometimes, and there were an awful lot of typos, but I'm willing to overlook that because I was just so entertained.
November 2, 2022
Sometimes you just have to clean the palette from a particularly intense book and at times I do so with a super cheesy romance novel. I saw this at the library one day and was all, “OMG the ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ guy writes romance novels”?!?!? So I checked it out and it was about as good as you’d expect. 😆
October 26, 2022
I have loved this book so hard that I once was chased out of the class back in high-school because I couldn't focus on math lesson and I was give a week's detention, and I want to read the book again but I don't know how I can atleast pay for the softcopy. Kindly help me get it.
November 6, 2017
The feminist in me died a little bit while reading this.
December 29, 2019
OMG. I remember how excited we historical romance fans were when this came out. So silly, but great memories. :-)
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