There Are No Rules for This

by J.J. Elliott

People like Feeney Simms don’t die by suicide. Beautiful, charismatic, mother of two, wife to a handsome, successful husband, beloved by her friends—this is not the typical picture of a tortured soul. But one summer night, Feeney drives to the beach and swallows a handful of pills. No note, no explanation, nothing. Like that, she’s gone.


Faced with this loss, Ali, Max, and Liddy, Feeney’s closest friends, are left reeling, grappling with the devastating cocktail of grief, guilt, and anger that’s left in the wake of a suicide. In a desperate attempt to avoid further loss, the three women make the unorthodox (and very Feeney-like) decision to hold their own funerals while they are still alive—and the experience changes each of them in ways they couldn’t have imagined.

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Book Club, Mental Health, Drama, Chick Lit

240 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 16, 2023

About the author

JJ ELLIOTT is a professional copywriter with a degree in English from UCLA. She lost her mother to suicide as a teenager, and spent over two years in her 20’s manning the suicide hotlines in LA. One of the reasons she wrote There Are No Rules For This is because she finds herself increasingly frustrated by the way suicide is treated in print and on-screen, as a mystery to be solved instead of a multi-layered, complex condition that can rarely be boiled down to one specific “reason.”

There Are No Rules For This is her first novel. It was awarded two Zibby Awards: Best Book for Best Friends and Best Book That Made You Cry. It was also a finalist in Best New Fiction in the International Book Awards.

A native of Northern California, she now lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband, two teenagers, and two bulldogs.

Reviews

[Laura C · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! It was gut wrenching but hilarious all in one. I felt so desperately like I wanted to be one of the four, or even add me on as a fifth. I loved the bond that these women had with their friend and then without their friend (but still with her… ). This book inspired me to journal for my daughter. For her to someday be able to read about the love I’ve had for her before she could even grasp the concept. It has also inspired me to not hesitate to check in on the ones I love and let them know just how much they mean to me. This book is the epitome of grief but the beautiful side of grief that shows you just how precious life is. I loved it JJ! Thank you for sharing this story and for your vulnerability as I know many of these feelings have been a personal experience for you. It was beautifully written. I hope to read more by you someday soon.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this book down! The author sets the stage with location and characters easy to visualize because of her careful descriptions of both. I immediately connected with the well-developed characters, so the book became a journey into predicaments, hysterical scenes, laughter, tears and grief. I typically do not highlight sentences in novels, but this book had profound truths that spoke to me, and to others if they listen. As a therapist, I appreciated the emotional and mental processes of the characters. But mostly I just loved them and hated to see the end of the book. I generally am really critical of book endings, but I even liked the ending. I highly recommend reading this book!

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots to unpack in this story about best friends and suicide--one minute you're crying & the next minute you're snort laughing!!

[Marte Haga · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friendship group of four women is brutalt reduced to three when one of them "out of the blue" commits suicide. The story follows these women, mainly Ali (who is also the narrator) in the aftermath of this as they try to understand why, and find a way to keep living without their dear friend. As part of the process they decide to hold their funerals now while they are still alive and can attend them, I guess mainly to hear what their closest friends would say about them, but I'm guessing also to get some new perspectives and appreciation for life.

The complicated and complex situation that a suicide is, is handled very gently and realistically. Emotions of greif, guilty, sorrow, regret and anger are tangible and beleiveable. The need to understand why is also at the center and is described in a very relatable way. The heavy topic and the dark emotions are well balanced out with some lighter episodes of the friends experiences, both now, and in the past.

I really enjoyed the female friendship and sense of caring for eachother. But the whole having their own funeral -thing just didn't work for me, I found it a bit over the top, a bit unbelievable, a bit unnecessary? Definitely open up, talk to eachother and the speeches they held could still me made and read without involvement of the church and pastor etc.

I also wished there was a little more about Ali and the rest of her life outside these three friends. The way the story came across (as least to me) it felt like these friends were her entire life as there is very little about her husband, children, family and work-life, not to mention hobbies (none?). The friendship aspect became a bit all-consuming and making the character, Ali, less visible as an individual.

The writing is fine - doesn't stand out in any way (neither good or bad!) - but at times it felt a bit juvenile. Also, the whole "laugh until she pees her pants" -line got old fast, I don't think I've ever read a novel that uses this so frequently. (Just a minor annoyance and example of what I mean with "mediocre" writing that doesn't stand out.)

My last "complaint" is that it just became a bit too much, a little cheesy and too over the top emotional at times, almost trying to force some emotion out of the reader?

But that said, if suicide, or life after suicide for the people left behind, is a topic you want to read about, this is definitely one to look for. Especially if you want some sense of hope and love to go with it. In a way, this is a "feel terrible feel good"-sort of book that will make you feel a range of emotions and maybe also give a little nudge in changing your perspective on life (just a nudge, it wont change your perspective totally, just gently reminder you of LIFE)

[Mary Camarillo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had friends like the ones in “There Are No Ruled For This.” Friends to act silly with, friends who force you out of your comfort zone, and friends who know everything about you and still love you.

Except as it turns out, we don’t always know as much as we think we do, especially when there is a suicide. A careful exploration of grief and resilience.

[Anna J · Rating 5 out of 5]

 There Are No Rules for This by JJ Elliott
Publisher: She Writes Press (May 16, 2023)
Paperback: 248 pages
Ratings: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was so well written and it takes you behind the scenes to how all the friends are devastated by loss of Feeney. All the questions of why and how could they not see the signs of their best friend’s struggles and how they beat themselves up afterwards was gut wrenching and raw to read but so accurate.

I wanted to be in this friend group as they were so close and supportive of each other. Feeney left her journal behind and the friends read it. This was heart breaking to hear her thoughts and feelings but reminds you that you never really know what someone is struggling with. The friends find a new normal and they are working on not saying “they are fine” when they aren’t and ask for help. This is a beautiful lesson for us all. Can’t recommend this book enough.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please don't let the subject matter shoo you away from this book. At its heart, for me, it is a love letter to our female friendships. I laughed. I cried. For all of the weight of this topic I left the book not feeling anchored down. Instead I felt like I had been buoyed. Lifted up. I wanted to call my dear friends and tell them exactly what they mean to me. I bought four copies of the book with every intention of sending them to my girlfriends. It illustrates the human experience in all of its glorious messiness. I absolutely will be thinking about this book for a while.

[Pallu · Rating 3 out of 5]

An easy read and a heavy topic of losing someone you love. It made me wish my best friends lived in the same city. It started and ended strong, but in the middle it dragged a bit.

[Mary Novaria · Rating 4 out of 5]

TW: Suicide

An inexplicable event is the catalyst for this engaging story which weaves together the before and after of rich female friendships in the aftermath of a friend's suicide. JJ Elliot weaves her tale between the past and the present with poignancy and humor as the missing main character's friends wrestle with the question of just how well they really knew their deceased friend, and prop each other up as they process their grief. This novel takes a creative and thoughtful glimpse into the lives of those left behind after the unthinkable. Elliott does a fine job conveying sadness, anger, disbelief, and even humor, as three fierce women bolster each other up and achieve a new level of intimacy and honesty with each other, as well as hope for the future.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh. My. God. This book. I read the entire book in one sitting on a flight. I laughed out loud more than once, and I cried conspicuously more than twice. Thank god I was sitting next to someone I knew. I immediately told everyone in all of my book clubs to get this book and read it, and then I texted my best friends and told them how much I love them. This is an absolute must read that will leave you with the most beautiful book hangover ever.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

a book about life, death, female friendship, marriage, divorce, family, mental and emotional health and many more things that define the human experience. a quick read that made me feel grateful for the relationships and people in my life that don’t judge me and just offer my weird self unconditional love.

4.5 stars.

[Susan Watkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ii enjoyed the authors way of writing. It was sad but enjoyed how the remaining friends dealt with their dear friends death it shows how hard it is to share our grief even with our best friends. I can relate to the depression we suffer when we feel left out of certain actions . We all need someone to share sad thoughts

[Karin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such well-developed characters and so well-written - I felt like I knew (and loved) everyone in this book. A very tough subject to bring understanding to and one that I personally am trying to grapple with after a recent experience. Which is probably why I vacillated between 4 stars or 5 - until realizing that is on me and my demons, and not the author. Highly recommend this book to everyone!

[Anna Brennan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful story exploring female friendships and surface level dynamics. Dark humor exploring death and mourning while alive - definitely worth the read.

[Sandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

One member of a friend group commits suicide, and leaves the other friends to wonder why it happened. This wasn't my favorite book, but every time I thought I would stop reading it, something would happen in the book that made me continue. The friends all come to learn more about themselves through their pondering of the death of their friend.

[Sarika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking with little breaks of funny- makes you want to hug your dear ones harder.

[Tayler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed a good cry. This is heartbreakingly beautiful.

[Colleen Rahill-Beuler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book held my attention as much as any that I have read lately even though in some ways one of the main protagonists annoyed me but I had to admit to myself that in all likelihood that was probably reflective of a generational divide. (I found her to be melodramatic and self-centered on occasion) That being said - it’s the first book I have read in awhile that I did not want to put down and I liked it well enough that I recommended it for our book club (and that’s after I was sure I had found the right book!).
The storyline is about 3 women in their 40s who have known each other and shared a quirky friendship, along with a 4th woman, since they were kids. Each feels they have “the” special BFF connection with the fourth woman, but nonetheless, together have the special bond that female friends who have known each other a lifetime have. It’s a wonderful, often hilarious friendship. If you, the reader, have such a friendship, and I hope you do, you will find yourself often smiling, laughing out loud in this book - which is surprising. Why?
Because the 4th friend commits suicide. Her death rocks the other three’s world, causing them to question everything they thought they knew, not only about her, but about themselves as well. In my opinion, This book is well crafted. Important questions are asked in simple, straight forward ways. The women are honest and introspective (maybe a little too much in terms of casting their own family aside to wallow in their grief - which is what my struggle was with one of the women). For me, the bottom line was the beauty of their friendship, the joy of their friendship AND the message that their friend’s suicide did not have a simple one size fits all answer. Judgment of it, secrecy of it needed to stop - for the living. The shame, guilt and “I should’ve known” that gets attached to it miss the mark and do not honor their friend and the jubilant life they had with her - that is what they needed to celebrate.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated the honest and raw look at the effects of the death of their friend given in this book. It was interesting to see the different relationship dynamics each woman had with the woman who died and with each other. I did wonder how common it was for a group of 3~4 women to have such a “best friend” relationship with each other.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful, real, and fully realized portrait of grief and friendship. I cried for many reasons along the way, and could not put it down. Highly recommend.

[Gay · Rating 2 out of 5]

I almost didn’t finish this book. I expected it to be a little more humorous and a little less maudlin. As it went on, it spiraled farther and farther into pathos: so much crying, so much Re-hashing. Ew. I’ve had enough.

[Kathryn Fruauff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, a group of friends that everyone would love to have.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ali, Max, and Liddy are left puzzled and sad after their best friend Feeney Simms commits suicide. Feeney was a wonderful friend, and a great wife and mother. They come together and struggle to find the answer. They get together and they cry and tell their personal stories about Feeney. They realize that the people who look the most put together are sometimes the ones who are putting on an act and wonder how many times Feeney did it.

A suicide has many victims. Friends, family, the family of friends, and friends of the family. The pain belongs to everyone. Feeney’s three friends decide to have a private memorial for Feeney and tell her how much she meant to each of them. Then because it meant so much to them, they decide to hold a funeral for each of them so they can hear what their friends and husbands think of them before they die. The stories are all emotional and heartbreaking. They share the love in their friendships. They feel like they failed Feeney, but they don’t want to fail anyone else. They want to be there for each other.

In the end, they know they have to move on. There was never an aha moment, just lots and lots of wishing you could go back and do things differently with zero certainty that it would change a thing. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US and the 4th leading cause for women of Feeney’s age.

This is how they believe Feeney’s last moments were. She pulls into a parking lot at the beach, she feels peace. She never wants it to end. She’s in a dream or a trance where everything is in harmony, there’s no beginning or end. Everything happens simultaneously and constantly so hello or goodbye are saying the same thing. She reaches into her purse and closes her hand around a magic stick. She realizes she just has to have one moment of discomfort and then nothing but wave after wave of blessed peace.

Although there are no answers for someone who has committed suicide, this book shares the feelings of family and friends of the deceased and all their questions. I found the book uncomfortable but calming at the same time.

[Brittany Barry · Rating 5 out of 5]

When my grandmother passed away, and I was having trouble dealing with all of my emotions and the overwhelming sense of loss, a friend told me that grief is like the ocean. It’s always there, but some days it is calm and hardly makes a sound. On other days, it’s all you can see, hear, and smell. Every page, every word of “There Are No Rules for This” brought back this memory for me. The pages are dripping with grief, loss, and the kind of laughing you do when you don’t want to cry.

This book is so heavy, yet so well written and so needed. In a world where suicide rates have increased every year and where discussing mental health is still accompanied by a stigma, it is crucial we have books like this to shed light on what happens in the after. The ripples of grief, anger, and loss that never disappear.

As I sat, cried, and poured over these pages that detailed a friend group wracked by the echoes of loss when one of their own decides to commit suicide, I felt like I knew each one of the characters personally. Elliott balances the current-day events in the wake of this loss with backstories and memories, showing that all those tiny moments we often take for granted eventually add up to a lifetime. It felt like I was reading the script of one long funeral. There was laughter, tears, smiles, and an overall sense of celebrating a person who was truly loved yet unknown by those who were closest to her.

Look, this book will not be for everyone. It is raw. It is heavy. I literally was crying while reading every single page. I would be shocked to learn that Elliott has not experienced grief in her life since the sadness and palpable crack of loss is evident on every single page. This book was written for those who feel lost and for those who have lost. It’s such a short read (under 250 pages), but in those pages is a story that will stay with you forever. Bottom line: grab some tissues and a cozy blanket, and read “There Are No Rules for This.” I promise it will change you and make you look at your friends and yourself a bit differently.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Page turner I can’t put down! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

"No Rules for This" by JJ Elliot is an absolute gem in the world of literature. From the very first page, I was captivated by the beautifully crafted characters and the compelling storyline. This book is a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and the power of human connection.

The author's writing style is exquisite, effortlessly drawing you into the lives of the characters and making you feel their joys, pains, and triumphs. The narrative is so rich and relatable that I found myself reflecting on my own life and choices. None of us want the life and death mirror turned on us in a way that really makes us reflect that a deep level but that’s what this book will do for you. It will make you buy that plane ticket. Take that trip leave work at five instead of staying till seven to make it to your kids baseball game and live a life with no regrets..

With each turn of the page, "No Rules for This" challenges societal norms, encourages us to break free from conformity, and embrace the uniqueness that defines us. It's a testament to the infinite possibilities life holds when you let go of the "rules" and follow your heart.

This book is not just a story; it's a powerful message of hope, courage, and the beauty of living life authentically. I wholeheartedly recommend "No Rules for This" to anyone seeking a meaningful and inspiring read. JJ Elliot's work deserves every bit of its five-star rating!

[Lyssa Reese · Rating 5 out of 5]

JJ Elliott has given us a precious gift. This beautifully written book caused me to re-examine the nature of my friendships, my episodes with grief, and the difference between acceptance and denial. The rhythm and structure of her chapters give us assurances that joy follows the hard parts, that our hope is justified, that her characters, too, will find solace and peace.

I found myself envying these fictional characters their love for each other. In reading about the grief of the remaining three women after the suicide of the fourth, I questioned whether I sustain my friendships sufficiently. And I became angry with Ali for pushing her husband away, because I want to believe I’d turn to my spouse for comfort. Was I angry at Ali, or was I just jealous? Maybe I was angry at JJ Elliott for using this literary device that called attention to my doubts.

Reading this book started me on a series of meditations. I don't recall any work of fiction causing me to look so deeply into myself, to examine the existential nature of my life. I'm profoundly grateful.

For more on my personal takeaway, see the review on my website: https://Lyssareese.com

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I certainly enjoyed the book but it pulls on heart strings. And having experienced the death of a loved one (my husband - not to suicide) it definitely brought me through many thoughts and feelings that I actually felt drained afterwards. In the same breath, the same way his death has caused me to rethink life, this book further reinforced certain changes I have made and also highlighted some other changes I can make. The book provided a sense of gratitude for the life and relationships I have with both our children. J.J. Elliot used the past experiences of the friends as the link for them to navigate life post suicide, attempt to understand the suicide, and how to learn from it as well we heal. It's a deep book, in my opinion but I believe many of us can see how this is similar to our lives as we have lived to date. Worth the read but be ready to laugh, cry and make peace with life and death.

[Kristens.reading.nook · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I don’t feel less grief, but my sadness has moved from a black shard in my gut to something that’s as much a part of me as my breath and blood.”

I picked this book up to read just a few pages to decide if it would be my next read and ended up finishing it in two sittings. The (mostly) short chapters combined with a lot of dialogue make it a quick read. But the relationship between the four best friends is what kept me turning the pages.

Now, this is a book about mental health and suicide, so it’s not light and fluffy. But, the flashbacks at the beginning of each chapter being a lot of levity and humor which balances out the weight of the grief.

Rating:
4.75 stars

Read if you like:
Best friend stories
Books that will make you cry
Books that will make you laugh
Flashbacks
Clever chapter titles

[Ellie · Rating 5 out of 5]

TW: suicide
After their best friend dies by suicide with seemingly no warning, three friends grapple with the multitude of feelings and layers of shock caused by her death. While trying to make sense of this profound loss and navigating their grief, they plan their own funerals - while still living - and celebrate the ways that Feeney’s death has taught them to truly live.
As somebody who has lost someone to suicide, I found this book to be an important examination of the ripple effects that suicide has and a reminder of how important it is to keep truly living after great loss. The author did a great job of discussing a sensitive, stigmatized topic in a realistic way. This was both a hilarious and heartbreaking read.
I was shocked that it was JJ Elliott’s first novel - I will certainly be watching for more works from her.

[Joyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish I could have given this more than a 3* since I started with such a good feeling about the topic of the book and the relationships regarding friends. As I read, I was feeling more and more decisive about it going overboard with the friendships. And, the funerals were almost corny - just carrying on this friendship theme a little bit too far. There was some great writing and character development, but it didn't outweigh the overdone remorse of the friend's reaction to the loss of their broken relationship. I agree that Friends in our lives are very important to one's well-being and mental health. There's also a life with one's spouse, relatives, neighbors, religion, etc. Having said this, I felt the book was certainly entertaining and worthwhile to read. It opened up a topic that most people like to shut out and not discuss regarding someone who commits suicide.