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Missed Conceptions: How We Make Sense of Infertility
Infertility is one of the most painful and painfully common of human experiences. One in six couples will experience fertility challenges when they attempt to get pregnant, and while more and more people have spoken openly about infertility in recent years, the experience can still be incredibly isolating.
But none of us is alone in our struggles. In fact, infertility is a universal part of the human experience that is mentioned in the earliest human writings. Across cultures and throughout time, the experiences of people who have faced fertility problems are widely discussed in early manuscripts, medical treatises, diaries, novels, poetry, plays, and song.
After her own decade-long struggle to conceive, linguist and historian Karen Stollznow journeyed through history--from ancient civilizations and religions, to early-modern folklore, to current-day popular culture and modern medical practice--to try to make sense of what we mean by infertility and what infertility means for us. In Missed Conceptions, she shines a light on attitudes and beliefs about infertility, tests urban legends and old wives' tales, explores folk medicine and alternative therapies, and delves into modern science, separating fact from fiction along the way.
Blending personal narrative, historical research, and pop culture, Stollznow gives voice to a reality that has long been spoken about in hushed tones. For anyone who is trying (and failing) to conceive, who will do just about anything to achieve what has been mistakenly called "the most natural thing in the world," this book is a welcome and hopeful companion.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
243 pages, Hardcover
Published April 25, 2023
2 people are currently reading
1000 people want to read
About the author
Karen Stollznow
28 books106 followersDr. Karen Stollznow is a linguist, author, and broadcaster whose work bridges scholarship and public engagement. Her books include Beyond Words: How We Learn, Use, and Lose Language; Bitch: The Journey of a Word; On the Offensive: Prejudice in Language Past and Present; Missed Conceptions: How We Make Sense of Infertility; God Bless America; Language Myths, Mysteries and Magic; and Haunting America. She is also the author of the short fiction collection Fisher’s Ghost and Other Stories.
She co-hosts the award-winning science podcast Monster Talk, contributes regularly to Psychology Today, Cambridge Core, and The Conversation, and has spent many years investigating anomalous claims through the lens of skepticism and science.
Karen holds a PhD in Linguistics and has taught at universities in both the United States and Australia. She previously worked as a researcher at the University of California, Berkeley, and is currently a Visiting Scholar at the University of Colorado, Boulder.
Born in Sydney, Australia, Karen now lives in Denver, Colorado, with her husband and their son.
She co-hosts the award-winning science podcast Monster Talk, contributes regularly to Psychology Today, Cambridge Core, and The Conversation, and has spent many years investigating anomalous claims through the lens of skepticism and science.
Karen holds a PhD in Linguistics and has taught at universities in both the United States and Australia. She previously worked as a researcher at the University of California, Berkeley, and is currently a Visiting Scholar at the University of Colorado, Boulder.
Born in Sydney, Australia, Karen now lives in Denver, Colorado, with her husband and their son.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
January 3, 2024
I have been writing and re-writing this review in my head since I finished this book last night. Hopefully the version I have landed on communicates my thoughts, opinions and feelings thoroughly and clearly.
I am a woman who is facing infertility. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby since July of 2020. While three years and almost six months doesn't seem like that long to some, I have felt the full, crushing weight of those 1,255 days- especially as that number continues to climb. As a woman with infertility, stumbling across this book was thrilling. Not many people talk about infertility, and it can be a very isolating experience.
For me, this book came at the perfect time. We had just finished our first appointment at a local fertility clinic. While I left that appointment feeling hopeful, it had been an emotionally draining journey to get there and I felt I had earned a book for bravely facing the next phase of our fertility journey. Unusually- but probably because it was on my mind- I decided to check out the women's health section. Amongst the dozens of books to teach young girls about puberty (and even more for women going through menopause!) was a single book about infertility. This book.
When I am overwhelmed, upset or anxious about something, I research it. Knowing the history of a topic- and the current statistics- makes me feel a little less alone and a little more calm. I think this author and I might have that in common. Reading about the history of infertility- intercut with the authors personal experiences- made me feel so much less lonely. She felt my pain about baby showers, and had to field the same invasive questions. And she showed- through cited research- that women have been battling this medical condition since humanity began.
I could only read this book in short bursts, because it felt like I was so seen. That may seem odd, but it sort of felt like washing a wound. It stings like hell when you first disinfect the area, but that process is vital to encourage healing. I am not saying I am fully "healed" (mentally, emotionally or physically), but I do feel this book went a long way in starting that process.
--------------------Spoiler/ Word of Caution:--------------------------------------
To those thinking they might gift this book, I will caution you: every couples fertility journey is personal and different. Because this author ultimately does have a child, it might be a bit difficult for other people with infertility to read. Just because this book really worked for me, that doesn't mean it will work for them. Truly I think anyone who is closely supporting someone going through infertility should read this book either way. But the couple at the center of it all might not want to hear the stats again.
Additionally, the stats from my fertility doctor are slightly different than the ones in this book. That is hardly surprising, as the medicine continues to evolve and each fertility clinic picks the stats that make them look best. As usual, please follow the advice of your own trustworthy physician as you move through your own fertility journey.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry for the long review. I have too many big emotions about this topic to be constrained to a brief synopsis of thoughts.
I am a woman who is facing infertility. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby since July of 2020. While three years and almost six months doesn't seem like that long to some, I have felt the full, crushing weight of those 1,255 days- especially as that number continues to climb. As a woman with infertility, stumbling across this book was thrilling. Not many people talk about infertility, and it can be a very isolating experience.
For me, this book came at the perfect time. We had just finished our first appointment at a local fertility clinic. While I left that appointment feeling hopeful, it had been an emotionally draining journey to get there and I felt I had earned a book for bravely facing the next phase of our fertility journey. Unusually- but probably because it was on my mind- I decided to check out the women's health section. Amongst the dozens of books to teach young girls about puberty (and even more for women going through menopause!) was a single book about infertility. This book.
When I am overwhelmed, upset or anxious about something, I research it. Knowing the history of a topic- and the current statistics- makes me feel a little less alone and a little more calm. I think this author and I might have that in common. Reading about the history of infertility- intercut with the authors personal experiences- made me feel so much less lonely. She felt my pain about baby showers, and had to field the same invasive questions. And she showed- through cited research- that women have been battling this medical condition since humanity began.
I could only read this book in short bursts, because it felt like I was so seen. That may seem odd, but it sort of felt like washing a wound. It stings like hell when you first disinfect the area, but that process is vital to encourage healing. I am not saying I am fully "healed" (mentally, emotionally or physically), but I do feel this book went a long way in starting that process.
--------------------Spoiler/ Word of Caution:--------------------------------------
To those thinking they might gift this book, I will caution you: every couples fertility journey is personal and different. Because this author ultimately does have a child, it might be a bit difficult for other people with infertility to read. Just because this book really worked for me, that doesn't mean it will work for them. Truly I think anyone who is closely supporting someone going through infertility should read this book either way. But the couple at the center of it all might not want to hear the stats again.
Additionally, the stats from my fertility doctor are slightly different than the ones in this book. That is hardly surprising, as the medicine continues to evolve and each fertility clinic picks the stats that make them look best. As usual, please follow the advice of your own trustworthy physician as you move through your own fertility journey.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry for the long review. I have too many big emotions about this topic to be constrained to a brief synopsis of thoughts.
January 1, 2025
I thought this book was so fascinating! The author shared her own journey of navigating infertility including the feelings, and yes, comments from others, that come along with it. Her experiences were so relatable - I went through many of the same ones. She also shared a lot of historical facts and interesting information about fertility traditions and superstitions through the ages. I would definitely recommend this book if you have been through the infertility trenches yourself, or just want to gain a little more empathy/knowledge about those who are going through it.
May 12, 2023
It takes a lot of courage to put your life on pages for the public and this book has so much of that. I really enjoyed this story. I am currently 23 not sure about having kids due to my mental health status and general feelings of the world being crappy. I recently got diagnosed with PCOS and have been having health issues in regards to it. I have no idea if I am fertile. I don't currently have a partner who could get me pregnant even if they tried. It is nice not worrying about pregnancy scares. My mother has two living children ( I consider miscarriages children) and wanted a third (really she wanted 5) but could not naturally for several reasons and tried a cycle of IVF. I was in my teens giving her injections. I remember not wanting her to risk her life to have more kids when she had me and my sibling already. Were we not enough? Often times I think women or people believe babies will save a relationship not saying that was or wasn't the case but I know a lot of people who have and do it. But i remember her years of sadness over not having more children and still she experiences it. She used to not be able to be around pregnant women o babies two things she loves. She is small framed and due to fibroids or pregnancy has a stomach that sometimes looks like she was expecting. I think its rude to ask someone if they are pregnant because they have a stomach or look fatter. To me her stomach was small but this became another insecurity. I plan on letting my mother know i am sorry she coudn't have more kids tertiary infertility. I may experience the same thing, I might adopt, I might not want kids. I used to want to get pregnant at 25 because of my moms infertility but with the world and sacrifice of kids i think 35 is my deadline. Personally I dont want to be an older parent of a young child and I dont want to try to hard unless i am not with someone who can get me pregnant, and I am not sure I am ready to be a good parent. I am still figuring out life, dont want to raise kids in the statres and so many other things but this book is so important. There is not enough research on infertility and reproductive health. Especially for women, black and people of color, etc.
September 30, 2024
I found comfort in this book. It’s non-fiction with both an exploration of infertility and memoir of the author’s personal experience woven in. I read the book wanting to educate and empower myself with knowledge based in science.
I liked learning about the history of infertility (it’s always been around even in Biblical times), infertility treatments (they used to put what up where!?) and the sexist historical beliefs that it’s all a woman’s fault.
I read this book in just a day or two on my couch. It was an easy and captivating read. (A hell of a lot better than the judgmental “what to expect before you’re expecting BS book. I loathe the chiding, condescending tone of voice in that book series.) This book felt more like a friend who had researched the topics. I would read parts out loud to my husband, especially about the wild things scientists used to think about women’s bodies in the Roman Empire. Scientists now know so much more, but not everything.
I liked that the author addresses head on the well-meaning but hurtful things friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances say about infertility. It’s a complex, unique journey for everyone. She also addresses common fertility myths, herbal supplements, old wives tales and snake oils.
After reading, I wrote down some affirmations for myself that I found comforting thought this book.
Inferiority is senseless, random, chaotic and not your fault. I am strong, resilient and will trust the process.
I liked learning about the history of infertility (it’s always been around even in Biblical times), infertility treatments (they used to put what up where!?) and the sexist historical beliefs that it’s all a woman’s fault.
I read this book in just a day or two on my couch. It was an easy and captivating read. (A hell of a lot better than the judgmental “what to expect before you’re expecting BS book. I loathe the chiding, condescending tone of voice in that book series.) This book felt more like a friend who had researched the topics. I would read parts out loud to my husband, especially about the wild things scientists used to think about women’s bodies in the Roman Empire. Scientists now know so much more, but not everything.
I liked that the author addresses head on the well-meaning but hurtful things friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances say about infertility. It’s a complex, unique journey for everyone. She also addresses common fertility myths, herbal supplements, old wives tales and snake oils.
After reading, I wrote down some affirmations for myself that I found comforting thought this book.
Inferiority is senseless, random, chaotic and not your fault. I am strong, resilient and will trust the process.
August 25, 2023
Missed Conceptions is an informative and brisk read about one family's lives through infertility. Like the title suggests, Stollznow addresses the myths and stigmas about being unable to conceive or having difficulties conceiving within a primarily North American white lens. How so many people will give unsolicited advice or truthisms, well-meaning or not.
Including the dreaded "When are you going to have another?" as if one successful childbirth was "easy."
What I liked was how Stollznow recorded a common microaggression (or close to it) and then went on to present her research on said topic. In a compact and brisk way, she presents how carrying such an idea is misleading to the actual reality. Even going as far as to summarize the fertility or infertility lives of Hollywood celebrities, quoting Bible passages or other religious practices, and acknowledging the hard statistics that occurs for her and her husband on their infertility struggles. At times it's predictable (I wasn't surprised when the opening sequence of Up was included).
Curiously, Missed Conceptions's not quite a memoir either. We don't go too deep into Stollznow and her husband's internal struggles. It's focused on their personal embarrassments for infertility only. There's scant talk about how much it all cost them. Nor the fights they had. Any trouble that any one of them may have had at work. Or Stollznow's actual pregnancy or paternity leave, really. It was all about her becoming a mother. Which is fair to respect parties.
Gratitude is in here, yet I wonder if there could have been more episodes included to add onto the "We're in this together" sentiment written at the end. I'm wondering if their families and friends really weren't that supportive throughout their trials.
Companion in a book... Well, it's hopeful by the end.
Dropping birth rates is a serious global problem, and the aging population shall be the future fears for many countries. It'd be presumptuous for me to say Stollznow ought to have a solution prepared when the most intelligent minds of our world don't have a clue what to do yet. In this case, I think the book's brevity and researched-backed passages worked against her sincere appeal for recognition and change. The problem is addressed... and that's about it before it goes back to her family.
Missed Conceptions isn't a super detailed informational guide for infertility nor a memoir. It's more for anyone who wants morale support without a preachy religious bent, especially for hopeful mothers who feel pressured by the biological clock like Stollznow. She also did a lot of the hard work researching whether or not home remedies help or not. Adoption is outlined too. Along with the actual experience of her doctor visits and what they may neglect to tell you. On a practical level, that is a helpful quick reference.
Thank you for sharing your episodes of vulnerability, Stollznow. I enjoyed learning something new. Wishing you well with your newfound motherhood and your own family.
I received the book for free through Goodreads Giveaways.
Including the dreaded "When are you going to have another?" as if one successful childbirth was "easy."
What I liked was how Stollznow recorded a common microaggression (or close to it) and then went on to present her research on said topic. In a compact and brisk way, she presents how carrying such an idea is misleading to the actual reality. Even going as far as to summarize the fertility or infertility lives of Hollywood celebrities, quoting Bible passages or other religious practices, and acknowledging the hard statistics that occurs for her and her husband on their infertility struggles. At times it's predictable (I wasn't surprised when the opening sequence of Up was included).
Curiously, Missed Conceptions's not quite a memoir either. We don't go too deep into Stollznow and her husband's internal struggles. It's focused on their personal embarrassments for infertility only. There's scant talk about how much it all cost them. Nor the fights they had. Any trouble that any one of them may have had at work. Or Stollznow's actual pregnancy or paternity leave, really. It was all about her becoming a mother. Which is fair to respect parties.
Gratitude is in here, yet I wonder if there could have been more episodes included to add onto the "We're in this together" sentiment written at the end. I'm wondering if their families and friends really weren't that supportive throughout their trials.
Companion in a book... Well, it's hopeful by the end.
Dropping birth rates is a serious global problem, and the aging population shall be the future fears for many countries. It'd be presumptuous for me to say Stollznow ought to have a solution prepared when the most intelligent minds of our world don't have a clue what to do yet. In this case, I think the book's brevity and researched-backed passages worked against her sincere appeal for recognition and change. The problem is addressed... and that's about it before it goes back to her family.
Missed Conceptions isn't a super detailed informational guide for infertility nor a memoir. It's more for anyone who wants morale support without a preachy religious bent, especially for hopeful mothers who feel pressured by the biological clock like Stollznow. She also did a lot of the hard work researching whether or not home remedies help or not. Adoption is outlined too. Along with the actual experience of her doctor visits and what they may neglect to tell you. On a practical level, that is a helpful quick reference.
Thank you for sharing your episodes of vulnerability, Stollznow. I enjoyed learning something new. Wishing you well with your newfound motherhood and your own family.
I received the book for free through Goodreads Giveaways.
May 14, 2023
I received this book from the publisher in exchange an honest review.
I found this to be a very interesting book, especially initially. The author recounts her journey with infertility and trying at home remedies as well as medical procedures. This is coupled with information on how some of the problems were thought of and "treated" hundreds of years ago.
I found the author's own story ultimately more compelling than the history. The history of infertility treatments often covers the misconceptions surrounding infertility and how they treated the problems. But, after a few chapters this starts to get old. It feels like more of the same, from doctors thinking the uterus moved around in the body and therefore was the reason a woman could not have children to having a too warm uterus. While these are interesting, it often boiled down to the idea that we didn't understand women's bodies and had all sorts of imaginative theories about why a couple might not have a child, and they were very wrong.
The author also discusses folk remedies and tries them and does research. They seem to work for some people, but didn't for her and her research found that they had mixed results. Some herbal supplements that are supposed to help with fertility may actually promote infertility.
I thought the book was going to talk more about how to deal with infertility in modern society. It talks a little about it, but mainly only in the context of the author's own journey.
In summary, I found the book to be informative and interesting. But, I don't think I would recommend it for someone experiencing infertility unless they wanted to hear someone else's journey or learn more about folk remedies.
I found this to be a very interesting book, especially initially. The author recounts her journey with infertility and trying at home remedies as well as medical procedures. This is coupled with information on how some of the problems were thought of and "treated" hundreds of years ago.
I found the author's own story ultimately more compelling than the history. The history of infertility treatments often covers the misconceptions surrounding infertility and how they treated the problems. But, after a few chapters this starts to get old. It feels like more of the same, from doctors thinking the uterus moved around in the body and therefore was the reason a woman could not have children to having a too warm uterus. While these are interesting, it often boiled down to the idea that we didn't understand women's bodies and had all sorts of imaginative theories about why a couple might not have a child, and they were very wrong.
The author also discusses folk remedies and tries them and does research. They seem to work for some people, but didn't for her and her research found that they had mixed results. Some herbal supplements that are supposed to help with fertility may actually promote infertility.
I thought the book was going to talk more about how to deal with infertility in modern society. It talks a little about it, but mainly only in the context of the author's own journey.
In summary, I found the book to be informative and interesting. But, I don't think I would recommend it for someone experiencing infertility unless they wanted to hear someone else's journey or learn more about folk remedies.
March 2, 2024
Too much of a memoir to be a scientific book about infertility, but too well researched and scientific to just be a personal story. I enjoyed this read, and learning more about this topic and the author’s journey.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews