i’ll be honest, when i picked this up i was hoping it would answer some questions i have about myself and about the world. and even though i feel like i walked away with more questions than answers…that’s kinda the point! this is a delightful work of intersectionality that really leans into reflection and positivity and JOY, and quite honestly, it was exactly what i needed. at times it’s elementary, at times it’s a “take what you can get from this” kind of book, but i think that comes with most self-help books. i loved the plethora of information here, how it manages to touch on so many identities without focusing on any of them too much. it’s so much more than a how-to guide on gender - more like how to explore queerness in yourself (or in others) and learn how to love people (and yourself) better through that. it’s not perfect, and i will likely dive into some other books to supplement it (yeah, i am realizing i have no fucking clue what gender means to me personally, but it’s fine) but i really think this is a handy little book that a lot of people would benefit from. it’s perfect for new queers or cis people who want to know more about transness or trans people who are trying to figure out how to build their most authentic life.
two takeaways:
1. i really value that even though there are many sections on sex and eroticism and pleasure…the author emphasized that it isn’t ALL about sex or physical touch and that aroace identities can still benefit from exploring pleasure in the ways that fulfill them. HUGE!
2. there’s a section at the end about intimacy and friendship and queering up these kinds of relationships, and it was one of the most wonderful things i’ve read all year. i’ve been exploring the idea of nonsexual queerness for a while now, and this really gave me a lot to think over - and a lot to celebrate!! i loved hearing about the different kinds of intimacy and rae’s idea that we can create our own mycelium map of kinship.
i recommend this to any and everybody!!! i still don’t know what gender is to me but hey, it’s a start!!!!
"When we put pleasure, eroticism, intimacy, and sensuality in a tiny box reserved for romantic and sexual relationships, we cut ourselves off from the beautiful world of platonic intimacy and the nourishment and connection it can provide."