What do you think?
Rate this book
Money, A Memoir: Women, Emotions, and Cash
Women learn the lesson Coveting money is greedy. Hustling for it is unladylike. Talking about it is crass.
And so they develop a quiet I'll do what it takes to get money, but I don't want to have to think about it . Maybe an extravagant purchase gets chalked up as a necessity. A few twenties disappear from the husband's wallet while he's in the shower. A raise goes unrequested. A looming debt gets pushed aside, just for the moment . . .
In Money, Liz Perle adds her own story of money and denial to the anecdotes and insights of psychologists, researchers, and more than two hundred ordinary women. The result is a bestselling book that "will force both men and women to ask hard and important questions about love, marriage, and money" ( San Francisco magazine).
And so they develop a quiet I'll do what it takes to get money, but I don't want to have to think about it . Maybe an extravagant purchase gets chalked up as a necessity. A few twenties disappear from the husband's wallet while he's in the shower. A raise goes unrequested. A looming debt gets pushed aside, just for the moment . . .
In Money, Liz Perle adds her own story of money and denial to the anecdotes and insights of psychologists, researchers, and more than two hundred ordinary women. The result is a bestselling book that "will force both men and women to ask hard and important questions about love, marriage, and money" ( San Francisco magazine).
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews
October 13, 2014
I thought the book failed both as a memoir and as nonfiction/journalism/reportage. The key feature of a memoir is that the narrator must change. Yet it wasn't clear to me that much, if anything, changed for this writer. She began as a woman who earned, spent, and saved her own money, and she ended that way. She had some reverses of fortune in the middle, but as far as I could tell, nothing much changed except that she stopped expecting someone to come and "take care of" her. Not that that changed any of the way she behaved in any measurable way -- she still mixed her money with her husband's, still had consumer debt, still hadn't saved for one child's education, etc.
More disturbing, there was a subtext in what she left out that was either deeply political or unforgivably ignorant: while she extensively documents the ways in which debt, bankruptcy, lack of savings, etc. have increased in recent years, and notes that these are systemic rather than personal, she did not even give a nod to data showing that this is not due to consumerism (though that is a factor in some cases, and she discusses this extensively, primarily through the work of Juliet Schor and the Center for the New American Dream) but to the fact that wages have been stagnant since 1972, that women have therefore had to enter to the workforce simply to maintain the same life style that a single earner could provide at that time, that medical bills are the biggest cause of US bankruptcies (http://www.cnbc.com/id/100840148), and that the state now pays so much less for higher education that its cost has skyrocketed far beyond the ability of all but the wealthiest to pay.
Most annoying, although she occasionally gives a nod to women whose money issues may be around trying to make ends meet, this is mostly, as one reviewer said, "self-pity for the Chi-Chi set." My favorite example -- throughout the book, she talks about needs versus wants and the harmful ways in which women confuse these. She also talks about the downside of debt and the need to save for retirement and a child's education. Yet at the end, she relates that her own family "had" to purchase a larger home b/c they only had one bathroom, and she saw her 6 year old peeing in the back yard when "the bathroom was tooken" -- even though they have saved *nothing* for one child's education. Wow. I guess that second bathroom will come in handy while that child continues to live at home into adulthood, having had no opportunity - or having had to take on too much debt -- to earn enough to live on his/her own. And this was a decision she made *after* she had the change of heart/learning the memoir narrates. No meaningful change or learning to speak of, IMHO.
I'm continually surprised by the things that get published; presumably, in her case, because she had connections in publishing and, as others have noted, wrote fluently and well in a polished, magazine-article way that gave the pleasing illusion, while reading, that something was actually being said.
More disturbing, there was a subtext in what she left out that was either deeply political or unforgivably ignorant: while she extensively documents the ways in which debt, bankruptcy, lack of savings, etc. have increased in recent years, and notes that these are systemic rather than personal, she did not even give a nod to data showing that this is not due to consumerism (though that is a factor in some cases, and she discusses this extensively, primarily through the work of Juliet Schor and the Center for the New American Dream) but to the fact that wages have been stagnant since 1972, that women have therefore had to enter to the workforce simply to maintain the same life style that a single earner could provide at that time, that medical bills are the biggest cause of US bankruptcies (http://www.cnbc.com/id/100840148), and that the state now pays so much less for higher education that its cost has skyrocketed far beyond the ability of all but the wealthiest to pay.
Most annoying, although she occasionally gives a nod to women whose money issues may be around trying to make ends meet, this is mostly, as one reviewer said, "self-pity for the Chi-Chi set." My favorite example -- throughout the book, she talks about needs versus wants and the harmful ways in which women confuse these. She also talks about the downside of debt and the need to save for retirement and a child's education. Yet at the end, she relates that her own family "had" to purchase a larger home b/c they only had one bathroom, and she saw her 6 year old peeing in the back yard when "the bathroom was tooken" -- even though they have saved *nothing* for one child's education. Wow. I guess that second bathroom will come in handy while that child continues to live at home into adulthood, having had no opportunity - or having had to take on too much debt -- to earn enough to live on his/her own. And this was a decision she made *after* she had the change of heart/learning the memoir narrates. No meaningful change or learning to speak of, IMHO.
I'm continually surprised by the things that get published; presumably, in her case, because she had connections in publishing and, as others have noted, wrote fluently and well in a polished, magazine-article way that gave the pleasing illusion, while reading, that something was actually being said.
July 11, 2008
Money, A Memoir was a bit of a struggle to get through. Not much substance in a book that could've been an Oprah mag article. Basically, women don't think of money in the same way that men do. In fact, and this was really a piece I took away to chew on, many of us don't think about our money in a way that empowers us, secures our future. Hence, so many of us spend more money on shoes than on our retirement.*koff!*
I was looking forward to reading this book because I'm going to be getting married next year and I don't relish the thought of giving up any of my independence. It's my money, yo! But as we've all heard, money is the number one cause of marital strife, so what can I do and what can he do to come together, to prevent a blowout? This book doesn't promise to help in this area, and it doesn't, but it can get you to think about your relationship to money -- something most of us don't allow ourselves to consider.
Frankly, though, it was difficult to read about women from another generation (or another world) talking, or whining, about how they just had to put their kids in good schools and live in good houses in safe neighborhoods, and send them to good colleges, and wear pretty clothes, and WAAAAAHHHHH!!!! I guess we all need to relish in whatever sort of sympathy we can muster up for ourselves, but puh-lease. This is self-pity for the Chi-Chi set.
I was looking forward to reading this book because I'm going to be getting married next year and I don't relish the thought of giving up any of my independence. It's my money, yo! But as we've all heard, money is the number one cause of marital strife, so what can I do and what can he do to come together, to prevent a blowout? This book doesn't promise to help in this area, and it doesn't, but it can get you to think about your relationship to money -- something most of us don't allow ourselves to consider.
Frankly, though, it was difficult to read about women from another generation (or another world) talking, or whining, about how they just had to put their kids in good schools and live in good houses in safe neighborhoods, and send them to good colleges, and wear pretty clothes, and WAAAAAHHHHH!!!! I guess we all need to relish in whatever sort of sympathy we can muster up for ourselves, but puh-lease. This is self-pity for the Chi-Chi set.
March 29, 2014
I thought it was interesting to see just how much emotions are pervasive in money matters.
One anecdote because it's so familiar to me: A speaker was addressing a group of women and asked if any of them had a business when they were young. About five of them or so did. Then the speaker asked "how many of you were babysitters when you were kids?" About 85 percent of the women raised their hands. "…Unwittingly we don't encourage girls to thinking in economic terms.
'If a girl is babysitting, and she's good at it, eventually somebody is going to say to her, 'You're so good with kids. Aren't you fabulous! You're just wonderful with children.' Meanwhile her brother is out there mowing lawns for cash, and nobody ever says to him, 'Aren't you good with lawns!' They say, 'Aren't you enterprising!'
When we do this, we immediately give girls a sense of how good they are, as opposed to how resourceful and enterprising and entrepreneurial…we frame their consciousnesses, and we frame their language. You see this on their first babysitting jobs when somebody asks, 'What are you going to charge me?' And even though girls are getting a little savvier, it's still more often than not, 'Um, I don't know. Whatever you want to pay me.' They feel so uncomfortable saying, 'I am worth this amount of money,' and it begins so early."
One anecdote because it's so familiar to me: A speaker was addressing a group of women and asked if any of them had a business when they were young. About five of them or so did. Then the speaker asked "how many of you were babysitters when you were kids?" About 85 percent of the women raised their hands. "…Unwittingly we don't encourage girls to thinking in economic terms.
'If a girl is babysitting, and she's good at it, eventually somebody is going to say to her, 'You're so good with kids. Aren't you fabulous! You're just wonderful with children.' Meanwhile her brother is out there mowing lawns for cash, and nobody ever says to him, 'Aren't you good with lawns!' They say, 'Aren't you enterprising!'
When we do this, we immediately give girls a sense of how good they are, as opposed to how resourceful and enterprising and entrepreneurial…we frame their consciousnesses, and we frame their language. You see this on their first babysitting jobs when somebody asks, 'What are you going to charge me?' And even though girls are getting a little savvier, it's still more often than not, 'Um, I don't know. Whatever you want to pay me.' They feel so uncomfortable saying, 'I am worth this amount of money,' and it begins so early."
February 16, 2018
2.5 stars. I thought I had a semi-dysfunctional relationship with money, until I read this book — now I feel positively normal. I couldn't really empathize with a lot of the emotions Perle articulates, because it was always clear to me that 1) a rich husband was not coming to save me financially, and 2) I was going to be in charge of taking care of myself (and who knows, maybe even my future family), so I needed to plan my life and career after college accordingly. As a result, a lot of the anecdotes felt like they took place in a totally different emotional universe from my own.
In fact, I'm not the main audience for this book on multiple levels. A lot of Perle's thoughts — I won't go so far as to call them analysis — simply didn't apply to me, because I'm neither married nor do I have a child. I suppose I might feel differently if I was married with kids, but I'm not, and that really colored my experience reading the book for the worse.
I suppose the fact that "memoir" is in the title should have tipped me off to the fact that this is NOT a systematic, fact-based investigation of how women are set back financially by both their own choices and institutional injustices. (78 cents on the dollar, anyone?) Perle mostly strings together anecdotes from her own life as well as others women's, interspersed with rather obvious quotes from psychological finance "experts" that didn't seem all insightful to me. I also felt like a lot of their statements and Perle's stories enforced really unflattering, untrue stereotypes of women as meek people-pleasing shopaholics.
This isn't the book's fault, but it was published before the 2008 financial crisis, which makes it seem incredibly outdated and even more relevant to my life than it otherwise would. Luckily this was a quick read, so I didn't waste too much time on it. Onto better things!
In fact, I'm not the main audience for this book on multiple levels. A lot of Perle's thoughts — I won't go so far as to call them analysis — simply didn't apply to me, because I'm neither married nor do I have a child. I suppose I might feel differently if I was married with kids, but I'm not, and that really colored my experience reading the book for the worse.
I suppose the fact that "memoir" is in the title should have tipped me off to the fact that this is NOT a systematic, fact-based investigation of how women are set back financially by both their own choices and institutional injustices. (78 cents on the dollar, anyone?) Perle mostly strings together anecdotes from her own life as well as others women's, interspersed with rather obvious quotes from psychological finance "experts" that didn't seem all insightful to me. I also felt like a lot of their statements and Perle's stories enforced really unflattering, untrue stereotypes of women as meek people-pleasing shopaholics.
This isn't the book's fault, but it was published before the 2008 financial crisis, which makes it seem incredibly outdated and even more relevant to my life than it otherwise would. Luckily this was a quick read, so I didn't waste too much time on it. Onto better things!
April 7, 2022
This book could be a little boring at times, which is why I gave it 3 ⭐️. Despite it having some dull moments this book was very insightful and thought provoking about a subject every person thinks about; MONEY!
I think I felt comforted reading this book as it described how so many women have their emotional health tied into their financial health based on beliefs, culture, and what we were told growing up! It helped to know I am not the only one who has questioned my own financial responsibility compared to my emotional well being!
Very interesting and a great read for anyone who is into psychology and how it can relate to finances!
I think I felt comforted reading this book as it described how so many women have their emotional health tied into their financial health based on beliefs, culture, and what we were told growing up! It helped to know I am not the only one who has questioned my own financial responsibility compared to my emotional well being!
Very interesting and a great read for anyone who is into psychology and how it can relate to finances!
October 22, 2007
This is one of those "take-what-you-will" books. I agreed with a lot and disagreed with a lot, so I suppose it was effective as a thought-provoker. I felt that a lot of generalizations and panicked negatives were discussed in detail, but remained uncountered by any solutions, suggestions, or positives. Had I taken the book literally I would be pretty disappointed...because apparently as a newlywed I have just signed my fiscal life away to a man who is either a. an alpha male who will subject me to his monetary whims and put me on a strict allowance which I will happily and obediently accept, or b. a completely and totally irresponsible teenager who will wreck my credit score and drive our retirement accounts into an abyss of poverty while I become a paranoid control freak. I don't think it's that absolute, and I certainly don't think I'm so exceptional for my enjoyment of budgeting and planning my finances, both as an individual and together with my husband.
March 30, 2007
This book is a bit of a reversal of the whole wealthy spirit phenomenon. this book scares you to death so you want to be aware of every element of your finances. i think this and the wealthy spirit are a good pairing. this one forces you to assess your values and hangups- particularly if you, like me and many other women, have been beat over the head that you can marry into money or that this is something you should plan to do.
it addresses the idea head on that it isn't feminine to deal with money if you are in a relationship and could let your partner do it for you. perle emphasizes just how important it is to understand and address the issue of money head on. especially as women, who have more to lose if things don't go well.
it addresses the idea head on that it isn't feminine to deal with money if you are in a relationship and could let your partner do it for you. perle emphasizes just how important it is to understand and address the issue of money head on. especially as women, who have more to lose if things don't go well.
August 29, 2017
Maybe it's just me (but no, other reviewers have said the same) but I was a bit confused by this book. I'm not young (mid-50s) but I never felt that money was a BAD thing. My mother always counseled me to be independent and support myself, and my favorite aunt was a childfree career woman. I don't understand why ANY woman would just "hand over" her finances to her husband -- is this the 1800s?? I got married at 22 and even back then, I made sure I had my OWN credit card in case I needed it. I feel that the author has great intentions but I can't figure out where she found these women! Overall, an entertaining but disappointing read.
February 10, 2008
I think my relationship with money is far too healthy to have enjoyed this book. I was hoping to take away something useful, but it was really quite boring. I don't shop when I'm sad, I never felt that being loved was conditional on having money or vice versa. There were a few references to other books that sounded much more interesting than this one, so at least it wasn't a total loss.
July 11, 2020
This memoir inspires more questions than it answers. Perle is writing an account of her relationship with money, illustrating her points with the stories that other women have to tell. Her central themes revolve around her ideas that women approach money issues from the perspective of emotional needs, but her own account keeps bumping into disconnects that make the narrative feel manipulated.
Perle was a successful writer for many years, when she left it all behind to follow her first husband to Singapore for his job. Shortly thereafter, he requested a divorce and she returned to the US, with their four year old son. She said she had $1500 and nowhere to live, (and later reveals a secret account with $8000), but here is where the disconnects begin. Why did she have so little when she was a roaring New York success for so long? She doesn't explain. She positions herself as an everywoman, but she spends $5000 of the money that she has for tuition for a pre-school for her son, hardly the choice of your average single mom. She has a close relationship with her father, but does not mention him as a source of help; her ex was wealthy, and they remained on good terms, but she presents herself as a struggling single mom. And then she bought a house in San Francisco with her divorce settlement.
I don't doubt that her divorce was difficult for her, but I think she downplayed her privileges to "connect" with regular women. And I think the real money story is exactly why she had no money so far into a successful career, but she isn't clear on that point, which may mean she had a spending problem, or may mean she had more money than she said.
Perle died of breast cancer in 2015. (Her mother died of breast cancer when she was a child, an interesting part of her biography that she never explored). She was 59. The last chapter in the book suggested that she had found much happiness with her second husband. I am glad for her sake that her emotionally tumultuous life had some happiness.
Perle was a successful writer for many years, when she left it all behind to follow her first husband to Singapore for his job. Shortly thereafter, he requested a divorce and she returned to the US, with their four year old son. She said she had $1500 and nowhere to live, (and later reveals a secret account with $8000), but here is where the disconnects begin. Why did she have so little when she was a roaring New York success for so long? She doesn't explain. She positions herself as an everywoman, but she spends $5000 of the money that she has for tuition for a pre-school for her son, hardly the choice of your average single mom. She has a close relationship with her father, but does not mention him as a source of help; her ex was wealthy, and they remained on good terms, but she presents herself as a struggling single mom. And then she bought a house in San Francisco with her divorce settlement.
I don't doubt that her divorce was difficult for her, but I think she downplayed her privileges to "connect" with regular women. And I think the real money story is exactly why she had no money so far into a successful career, but she isn't clear on that point, which may mean she had a spending problem, or may mean she had more money than she said.
Perle died of breast cancer in 2015. (Her mother died of breast cancer when she was a child, an interesting part of her biography that she never explored). She was 59. The last chapter in the book suggested that she had found much happiness with her second husband. I am glad for her sake that her emotionally tumultuous life had some happiness.
January 5, 2023
The connection between women and money is a very interesting one to me. It is a complicated relationship, with lots of culture and social pressure around it. I am very interested in it. So when I saw this book I figured it would be right up my alley.
I was a bit disappointed. This isn't really a memoir- the author uses her own life experiences with money as a framework to explore other ideas, but it seemed a bit impersonal.
It grapples with some big ideas, but I wasn't satisfied with them. It's not meant to be instructional, but it comes to so few conclusions that it seems to be a random assortment of data.
I had one major pet peeve in this book. Whenever a woman is named, and part of her experience is being incorporated, she is described. "Sarah, a willowy woman in her thirties...." "Helen, a statuesque woman in her 50's....." etc. On and on. We do not need to know that these women are pretty. Ugh.
An interesting concept, but a disappointing follow through.
I was a bit disappointed. This isn't really a memoir- the author uses her own life experiences with money as a framework to explore other ideas, but it seemed a bit impersonal.
It grapples with some big ideas, but I wasn't satisfied with them. It's not meant to be instructional, but it comes to so few conclusions that it seems to be a random assortment of data.
I had one major pet peeve in this book. Whenever a woman is named, and part of her experience is being incorporated, she is described. "Sarah, a willowy woman in her thirties...." "Helen, a statuesque woman in her 50's....." etc. On and on. We do not need to know that these women are pretty. Ugh.
An interesting concept, but a disappointing follow through.
August 10, 2017
At first I'm like- maybe this is a better book for older women- women with kids and divorce and learning to negotiate for salary and so forth...
But then the more I read, the more I was like- no younger women should absolutely read this book. And then I was like- is this book really only for white women? I don't know. I was confused on many aspects of her financial journey- like how she went back to the US after her husband filed for divorce. How she got any money together. How her finances survived and kind of thrived over the years. I mean- it's hard to say.
I feel conflicted- I guess bc it straddles too much be sociological feelings of money and a memoir but is annoyingly enough not enough of either. I think a better editor or form would have been better for this book...
So in the end I'm glad I finally read this- bit still feel a bit let down
But then the more I read, the more I was like- no younger women should absolutely read this book. And then I was like- is this book really only for white women? I don't know. I was confused on many aspects of her financial journey- like how she went back to the US after her husband filed for divorce. How she got any money together. How her finances survived and kind of thrived over the years. I mean- it's hard to say.
I feel conflicted- I guess bc it straddles too much be sociological feelings of money and a memoir but is annoyingly enough not enough of either. I think a better editor or form would have been better for this book...
So in the end I'm glad I finally read this- bit still feel a bit let down
January 18, 2020
Every woman and man should read this book to understand how women feel about money. As the author says women are more willing to talk about sex than money. As I was reading, I felt like the author was revealing my money secrets to the world, when in fact, she was many, many American women's money secrets. This is no self help book, but you will come away with a clearer understanding of what motivates women when it comes to money. I give 5 stars because I am definitely pleased that I read this book.
September 15, 2018
Did not finish, for two reasons. One, this bears no relationship to my reality. I grew up with a mother who was the breadwinner and a grandmother who was a single mom, and have consequently never been interested in Having Someone Take Care of Me. I cannot imagine I'm the only one; indeed, I have very few women friends who appear to have that interest.
Two, this book forced its own badly-kerned font onto my Kindle and it was nearly unreadable.
Two, this book forced its own badly-kerned font onto my Kindle and it was nearly unreadable.
March 15, 2020
This is a great book about women's relationship to money via cultural imposition and what we need to do to overcome that. I highly recommend it to all women even if you think you are financially balanced and have a good view of things. I wish I'd had access to this book 40 years ago. Well worth your time.
April 8, 2020
Loved this story of her personal life and others who experience what most women have during their formative money making years. Listened to it on audio and the author reads it well. Makes it very personal when the author reads her own story. I appreciate a woman who can be candid about her own foibles and dears with money. This book was empowering in many ways. Good read for every age group!
July 25, 2020
Terjemahannya kurang baik. Masih ada beberapa bagian yang sulit untuk di alihkan ke bahasa Indonesia.
Secara keseluruhan buku ini mengulas tentang bagaimana cara perempuan melihat uang dalam kehidupan sehari-harinya. Money and memoir sedikit banyak memberikan saya perspektif baru dalam memahami hubungan emosi perempuan terhadap uang dan keterjaminan.
Secara keseluruhan buku ini mengulas tentang bagaimana cara perempuan melihat uang dalam kehidupan sehari-harinya. Money and memoir sedikit banyak memberikan saya perspektif baru dalam memahami hubungan emosi perempuan terhadap uang dan keterjaminan.
January 17, 2018
Examines the way women treat/spend/react to money. How it affects our entire lives, relationships, etc. A pretty slow read, little payout, and not necessarily relevant to women everywhere (I found it hard to relate to some of what she described but other things were spot on).
March 13, 2018
Great reference book from my Mom about women and our money habits/issues. Lots of good advice and ideas in here. In these days of strong and independent women I feel it’s important to have a handle on this subject! If anyone would like to borrow just ask!
March 30, 2019
OK. I got this because I like memoirs. I could not really relate to most of what she said but I have always had a good relationship with money. I have an MBA in Finance and was a college CFO for 25 years. I RECOGNIZED MANY OF THE PEOPLE IN THE BOOK, THOUGH.
April 15, 2019
If you're a woman working on your money issues, especially the hidden emotions around money and spending, read this book! It's well written, and such a healing to read.
January 24, 2024
Really enjoyed this book. I think everyone should read it.
April 5, 2015
Money, a Memoir was not what I expected it to be about. This is one of those instances where I should have read the book synopsis before I downloaded it. I was expecting a book about money. The history of it, the politics of it, the evolution of it perhaps. If you read the subtitle, "Women, Emotions, and Cash", you get a good idea of what this book is going to be about. It delves into the struggles women have with money, their relationship with it and their expectations of it from a socioeconomic perspective. And while this is a fascinating topic and most certainly a worthy topic, it isn't what I was prepared to read about when I picked up this book. That being said, I have to say this book only touches on the basics of this vastly important topic. It's told mostly from a personal perspective and then backed up by interviews conducted by the author with friends, neighbors and colleagues.
My Thoughts
I'm going to be honest, this book didn't really do anything for me. I've been in Ms. Perle's shoes. I did the married thing, I did the follow my ex to the opposite side of the globe only to find out that he didn't want to be married anymore thing. Granted I didn't have any children but it was still devastating. It still hurt and I was still scared. I was in the very beginning of my professional career unlike Ms. Perle who was in her prime. But that is where our similarities ended. As a woman I would have expected to connect with this book more than I did. Ms. Perle approaches this subject as if women are the victims. But the way it's presented, I can't help but think "yeah, victims of their own making" and I know I don't truly believe that. Ms. Perle talks about how she worried about her finances, how she didn't have a career anymore, how she didn't know how to manage financially. But where she allowed that fear to consume her and drag her down, I didn't allow it. Did I worry about my finances? Absolutely. Was there fear that I wouldn't be able to get any credit because all my accounts were combined with my ex's? Definitely. But life isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to challenge, it's what makes you stronger. If I was a victim, it wasn't because of money and my finances.
This book was frustrating because it assumed the following: "a woman worries about financial security until she gets married and a man doesn't worry about it until he does." Sound familiar? Have you come across this little quote before? I suppose there has to be some truth to it or it wouldn't exist, but it's something that infuriates me and makes me think that women put themselves down so naturally. Why? Why do we sell ourselves short? Why do we assume that we can't do what a man can do? I know, I know history has shown that we have always been at a disadvantage when it comes to financial means and our careers. But only we can change that. Believing in ourselves and in our abilities, qualities, and importance is all us. We don't need men to believe we can do it. They don't need us believing they can do it so why would the opposite be true for women? Ms. Perle presents every woman in this book as a victim who overcomes some big adversity. To me that's a bit of a crock. So saying this book kind of pissed me off is an understatement. I found it to be lacking in original perspective. Where is the alternate perspective. Where are the examples of women who don't have negative relationships with money? Women are consistently presented as victims to the power of men, but it doesn't have to be that way, especially when it comes to financial freedom and security. Was Ms. Perle's goal to show how strong these women were? If so, it fell flat. Was it meant to stir the pot and bring forth the need to change the status quo? If so, it didn't do it. Was it meant to make women angry at men for being put in this situation? If so, then that's a totally copout. I would have expected this book to light a fire in the reader either slowly or like lightning about the real subject. It should have made us angry and offended that women allow themselves to be put in this position; that society makes us think we aren't worthy, that there is a preset position women hold in our socioeconomic structure. It should have pointed out ways women have taken themselves out of the victim category and taken the power back for themselves. Rather than doing this it toed the line bringing nothing new to the subject, the fight or my perspective on the matter.
Sorry, if you are looking for a book about the inadequacies of women when it comes to their perspective on money and financial security, this isn't it. Look for something else.
My Thoughts
I'm going to be honest, this book didn't really do anything for me. I've been in Ms. Perle's shoes. I did the married thing, I did the follow my ex to the opposite side of the globe only to find out that he didn't want to be married anymore thing. Granted I didn't have any children but it was still devastating. It still hurt and I was still scared. I was in the very beginning of my professional career unlike Ms. Perle who was in her prime. But that is where our similarities ended. As a woman I would have expected to connect with this book more than I did. Ms. Perle approaches this subject as if women are the victims. But the way it's presented, I can't help but think "yeah, victims of their own making" and I know I don't truly believe that. Ms. Perle talks about how she worried about her finances, how she didn't have a career anymore, how she didn't know how to manage financially. But where she allowed that fear to consume her and drag her down, I didn't allow it. Did I worry about my finances? Absolutely. Was there fear that I wouldn't be able to get any credit because all my accounts were combined with my ex's? Definitely. But life isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to challenge, it's what makes you stronger. If I was a victim, it wasn't because of money and my finances.
This book was frustrating because it assumed the following: "a woman worries about financial security until she gets married and a man doesn't worry about it until he does." Sound familiar? Have you come across this little quote before? I suppose there has to be some truth to it or it wouldn't exist, but it's something that infuriates me and makes me think that women put themselves down so naturally. Why? Why do we sell ourselves short? Why do we assume that we can't do what a man can do? I know, I know history has shown that we have always been at a disadvantage when it comes to financial means and our careers. But only we can change that. Believing in ourselves and in our abilities, qualities, and importance is all us. We don't need men to believe we can do it. They don't need us believing they can do it so why would the opposite be true for women? Ms. Perle presents every woman in this book as a victim who overcomes some big adversity. To me that's a bit of a crock. So saying this book kind of pissed me off is an understatement. I found it to be lacking in original perspective. Where is the alternate perspective. Where are the examples of women who don't have negative relationships with money? Women are consistently presented as victims to the power of men, but it doesn't have to be that way, especially when it comes to financial freedom and security. Was Ms. Perle's goal to show how strong these women were? If so, it fell flat. Was it meant to stir the pot and bring forth the need to change the status quo? If so, it didn't do it. Was it meant to make women angry at men for being put in this situation? If so, then that's a totally copout. I would have expected this book to light a fire in the reader either slowly or like lightning about the real subject. It should have made us angry and offended that women allow themselves to be put in this position; that society makes us think we aren't worthy, that there is a preset position women hold in our socioeconomic structure. It should have pointed out ways women have taken themselves out of the victim category and taken the power back for themselves. Rather than doing this it toed the line bringing nothing new to the subject, the fight or my perspective on the matter.
Sorry, if you are looking for a book about the inadequacies of women when it comes to their perspective on money and financial security, this isn't it. Look for something else.
July 2, 2012
3 1/2 stars.
I think this book is more necessary to women than any of us would be willing to admit. It was not easy for me to read. This is not because I ignore money on a day to day basis; on the contrary, my family revolves around it (because we live paycheck to paycheck), and I have problems separating the emotional and rational side of my brain. To me, there is nothing that is not emotional. This is a problem when money is meant to be rational. I have been clinically diagnosed with depression, and I have always self-medicated with food and money. I accept my responsibility for rationalizing things in my head and being unable to stop myself from impulse purchases. However, since I have lived at home for so long I also blame my parents for passing on poor choices. My mom has no retirement. She is still getting out of credit card debt. They are not able to help with my education in any way. She is also the only parent working. All of this has made her extremely frugal. My father, in contrast, is always more than happy to spend when it is needed. I grew up with the dichotomy of spend vs. save. As one person interviewed in this book notes: "I became the worst of my parents. I would go on a shopping spree and then come home and beat myself up about it." This is me to a tee. I tell myself I'm going to regret what happened, but ultimately I'm so attached to whatever material thing I bought that I can't truly see the damage little purchases here and there are doing.
Perhaps the problem isn't money at all. Perhaps it is needs vs. wants. I cannot say no to something because I tell myself it is a need. If I thought a little differently it might be easier to save. I don't know how it is for other people, but I have so many layers of problems that I have wrapped around a wad of cash (or bank account, as the case may be). I know I've said more about myself than I have about this book, but that's precisely the kind of book it is: one that makes you examine yourself very closely. I often read it thinking, "Crap, why does this have to be so true?!" However, I don't really mean that in a negative way. I see it as a positive that Liz is forcing women to open their wallets and take a good hard look at what they find there.
Interestingly, Liz never mentions the saying "money is the root of all evil" or "the love of money is the root of all evil." She does point out that we shouldn't grow to love money in an emotional sense. She shows through experience what can happen when one does. But it is essential to love and understand what money can do for us, if we can see money as a necessity for survival and nothing more or less. This is where the trouble arises. If you find yourself sinking under thoughts of the green, as I often do, I highly recommend this book. Unlike with most things in life, there is nothing to be lost from reading it. There is everything to be gained.
I think this book is more necessary to women than any of us would be willing to admit. It was not easy for me to read. This is not because I ignore money on a day to day basis; on the contrary, my family revolves around it (because we live paycheck to paycheck), and I have problems separating the emotional and rational side of my brain. To me, there is nothing that is not emotional. This is a problem when money is meant to be rational. I have been clinically diagnosed with depression, and I have always self-medicated with food and money. I accept my responsibility for rationalizing things in my head and being unable to stop myself from impulse purchases. However, since I have lived at home for so long I also blame my parents for passing on poor choices. My mom has no retirement. She is still getting out of credit card debt. They are not able to help with my education in any way. She is also the only parent working. All of this has made her extremely frugal. My father, in contrast, is always more than happy to spend when it is needed. I grew up with the dichotomy of spend vs. save. As one person interviewed in this book notes: "I became the worst of my parents. I would go on a shopping spree and then come home and beat myself up about it." This is me to a tee. I tell myself I'm going to regret what happened, but ultimately I'm so attached to whatever material thing I bought that I can't truly see the damage little purchases here and there are doing.
Perhaps the problem isn't money at all. Perhaps it is needs vs. wants. I cannot say no to something because I tell myself it is a need. If I thought a little differently it might be easier to save. I don't know how it is for other people, but I have so many layers of problems that I have wrapped around a wad of cash (or bank account, as the case may be). I know I've said more about myself than I have about this book, but that's precisely the kind of book it is: one that makes you examine yourself very closely. I often read it thinking, "Crap, why does this have to be so true?!" However, I don't really mean that in a negative way. I see it as a positive that Liz is forcing women to open their wallets and take a good hard look at what they find there.
Interestingly, Liz never mentions the saying "money is the root of all evil" or "the love of money is the root of all evil." She does point out that we shouldn't grow to love money in an emotional sense. She shows through experience what can happen when one does. But it is essential to love and understand what money can do for us, if we can see money as a necessity for survival and nothing more or less. This is where the trouble arises. If you find yourself sinking under thoughts of the green, as I often do, I highly recommend this book. Unlike with most things in life, there is nothing to be lost from reading it. There is everything to be gained.
September 29, 2013
As I read this book, I wondered if these feelings were harboured by the women that I know. The majority of the women in my circle are married, yet I never hear them complain that they wish to be cared for by their husbands or that they resent being the ones who, more often than not, take care of the household bills, retirement planning and investing.
This book was frustrating. I find it incredulous that the author failed to find more than one woman who could separate her emotions from her money. Further, the author appeared to have remarried within 2 years of the end of her first marriage (at beginning, her son was 4; by the time she'd moved in with her eventual second husband, her son was 6). I truly wonder if she hadn't deluded herself into believing that she had found the balance between emotions and finance as quickly as she claimed in the book. Could 40 years of "indoctrination" have been unravelled in such a short period of time?
While I have no doubt that pampered women have had to deal with the issues raised in this book at a later date in their lives, the author appears to completely ignore the possibility that a great many women have their visions of "being taken care of" shattered much earlier in their lives and have gone on to lead happy and fulfilling lives. It was rather disheartening to realize that the author's breadth of interviews was limited in such a way that she never met these women.
Alternatively, the author appears to have been completely unaware that some parents do tell their daughters that TV is the land of make-believe, that fairy tales are simply stories and that their daughters have to look out for themselves. The author's book is a sociological reflection of privilege, rather than a universal truth about all women everywhere as she would have us believe.
This book was frustrating. I find it incredulous that the author failed to find more than one woman who could separate her emotions from her money. Further, the author appeared to have remarried within 2 years of the end of her first marriage (at beginning, her son was 4; by the time she'd moved in with her eventual second husband, her son was 6). I truly wonder if she hadn't deluded herself into believing that she had found the balance between emotions and finance as quickly as she claimed in the book. Could 40 years of "indoctrination" have been unravelled in such a short period of time?
While I have no doubt that pampered women have had to deal with the issues raised in this book at a later date in their lives, the author appears to completely ignore the possibility that a great many women have their visions of "being taken care of" shattered much earlier in their lives and have gone on to lead happy and fulfilling lives. It was rather disheartening to realize that the author's breadth of interviews was limited in such a way that she never met these women.
Alternatively, the author appears to have been completely unaware that some parents do tell their daughters that TV is the land of make-believe, that fairy tales are simply stories and that their daughters have to look out for themselves. The author's book is a sociological reflection of privilege, rather than a universal truth about all women everywhere as she would have us believe.
December 3, 2007
My biggest beef with this book is that 80 percent of it was a non-fiction discussion of finance for women, while only about 20 percent of it was truly a memoir. All the same, Perle included a ton of great info on women and their relationships with money.
Another niggling item: while she loudly calls for the need for women to be more open about their relationship with money, Perle herself kept much hidden behind the veil. She alludes to "six-figure salaries" and "what I realistically needed to live" but never names numbers.
I also found the idea that she would let her ex -- who dumped HER -- take his stock options and run to be ridiculous. She said she traded those options for a good relationship with him -- Hmmm, sounds like the "inner stewardess" she so decried in earlier chapters was not quite as dead as she had claimed.
I felt that the book ended on too much of a Pollyanna note. "I made peace with money and so can you!" she says, without sharing enough of the dirty details with us. I just didn't buy (pun intended) the notion that all was as rosy as she purports. This book would have been more valuable to me if she had focused more on telling her own story and tracing her relationship in more detail, rather than glossing over her own history in favor of one more quote from the "experts."
Another niggling item: while she loudly calls for the need for women to be more open about their relationship with money, Perle herself kept much hidden behind the veil. She alludes to "six-figure salaries" and "what I realistically needed to live" but never names numbers.
I also found the idea that she would let her ex -- who dumped HER -- take his stock options and run to be ridiculous. She said she traded those options for a good relationship with him -- Hmmm, sounds like the "inner stewardess" she so decried in earlier chapters was not quite as dead as she had claimed.
I felt that the book ended on too much of a Pollyanna note. "I made peace with money and so can you!" she says, without sharing enough of the dirty details with us. I just didn't buy (pun intended) the notion that all was as rosy as she purports. This book would have been more valuable to me if she had focused more on telling her own story and tracing her relationship in more detail, rather than glossing over her own history in favor of one more quote from the "experts."
June 11, 2010
There are interesting points about women thinking about money and success differently than men, relying on the "inner stewardess" and finding Prince Charming to take care of you. I just didn't feel like there was much more to this book. It could have made a great magazine article, but somehow it was extended to booklength in a way that didn't quite work for me. Chapters did not feel like discreet sections, instead it felt like a long rambling and reiteration of the same story with different names. This book could have been much more effective if specific tools were given to move past the problem. So much time is spent describing the poor ways women think about and deal (or don't deal) with money. Suddenly at the end, the author states she is pretty much over her money issues and you can too! Um, what? It feels out of nowhere. Acknowledging the problem is certainly the first step, but not the only step! If this book is intended to be merely a sociological look at women and money, then fine. There is too little personal story to quite be an effective memoir. There is certainly too little about solutions to be of much service to most women's relationship with money.
January 24, 2015
I picked this up off the "staff picks" shelf at the library. It intrigued me both because I found a memoir from a financial point of view to be refreshingly different and also because I'm a personal finance nerd and I read stuff like that for fun. I liked it, but it was in reality a little bit of memoir and a lot of discussion of what women in our country are taught about money. I appreciate that she's bringing up a topic that's often taboo, but it seemed like 250 pages of really repetitive information. The stories she relays again and again from different women and that she claims to be universal do not at all reflect my own experiences. I like hearing about what other women have experienced, especially surrounding a topic that most people aren't comfortable discussing, but I felt like the author was generalizing too much. A lot of what she claims that "all women" or "all couples" experience does not hold true in my own life. I really liked reading about her own financial journey through her divorce and its aftermath; that's what I thought I'd be getting in reading this book.
May 23, 2012
The author uses her personal experience with money as the basis for this book. It is a psychological examination of the relationship women have with money. There is so much reserach in this book, presented in wonderful vignettes of individuals. She discusses the fact that we are only one or two generations away from all girld being raised to believe a man would take care of them; our mothers/grandmothers were raised this way. They weren't usually taught about money because that was a man's realm. So many women grow up believing that money is a sign that they are loved. The generation of women we are raising now sees money as a means to an end more than ever. It is just such a wonderful contrast which shows well how some of us are caught between these two worlds, unsure of our feelings about money and how to manage it. I would highly recommend this book to any woman who has ever felt like she is unsure about her psychological connections to money or felt frustrated by her inability to really get a handle on finances.
October 3, 2012
I read this several years ago. honestly probably when it came out. I would think around maybe 2007 or 2008. At that time I read as many self-help type titles that I could. I was always looking for things to help my clients out as I was and am a life coach. When I read this book, I loved it.... but, not for me! I was dealing with ALOT of clients at that time who were mainly Women, going through divorces and having to take on their finances for the first time. That is how I took this book. I decided to listen to the Audio Book now, now that I am 40. It is a TINY bit outdated and I do feel that there could be much more added to it. But, what it did was it helped me to start to just think about my finances and my financial situation. How much is enough? Now that I am starting to think about the future, retirement, and how I am going to do that. It really did help. I recommend this to anyone who feels that they don't have control of their finances. You may not be able to identify with many of the examples given, but it helps to start a dialogue with yourself about Money.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews