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The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies

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Theirs was a love that nature never intended. Bigger than Texas. Hotter than Hades. Weirder than...a lot of other things you might have read about up until now.

Self-made zillionaire Rock Fangsworthy is your typical Texas cowboy. Well, sort of. Typical in that the only thing this lethally sexy lady-charmer with the hair trigger temper loves more than his horse is his ranch, The Double Fang. Or maybe his boots. Less typical in the fact he's also a four hundred year old vampire with a shocking secret: he can't stand the sight of blood.

Buffi Van Pelt is just your average girl-next-door winery owner--or is she? The spunky single mom to twin boys also happens to be a winsome werewolf with secrets and troubles of her own. The winery that the gutsy good-girl recently inherited from her grandmother is on the verge of ruin.

If Buffi can't find a use for the mysteriously tainted wine before time and her pantry's limited supply of red meat runs out, she and her pups will be left homeless, destitute and very, very hungry. Worse yet, her baby-daddy is the same hunky, bad-boy vampire rancher who's out to steal The Best Little Winery in Bloodsuck from under her paws.

Once upon a time their passion flamed hotter'n a summer's night in Dallas with three Cheerleaders and a side of habanero sauce. Tonight, love's lightning might just strike them twice--but only if the wine don't kill them first.

Nook

First published May 27, 2011

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About the author

Juniper Bell

25 books123 followers
Juniper Bell is a multi-published author and avid fan of romance novels, the steamier the better. She lives with her sweetie in a cabin in Alaska with no running water and a spectacular view of glaciers. She wound up in the frozen north after leaving her career as a stressed-out Los Angeles TV writer. Luckily, her love for writing survived the move. When she’s not writing, she’s spending time with her family, traveling, shoveling snow, and dreaming about the day she moves to Hawaii.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 63 reviews
Profile Image for Shurrn.
561 reviews902 followers
January 9, 2015
I've heard that laughter is the best medicine... If that's true, I'm officially as healthy as the horse Rock Fangsworthy rode in on. I laughed constantly & loved every ridiculous moment of this absurd book!


It feels good when a book exceeds your expectations!
This book is written by a collective of authors known as the Nine Naughty Novelists, the authors took turns writing full chapters and I can only imagine how much fun it must have been for them to pass their work around to each other... I'd like to take a moment to share the Warning listed at the front of the book:
Warning: The book you are about to read is a parody. Any resemblance to serious literature is accidental, unintended and should have been excised by the authors prior to this point. Readers who attempt to find a deeper meaning within these pages put themselves at risk of developing Brain Cloud, Brain Fever or, at the very least, serious confusion and existential despair. Read responsibly. Prepare to laugh.
This is like the book equivalent of a cheesy B-Movie. I got the distinct impression that the authors were deliberately attempting to pack every paranormal romance cliché into 116 pages. Mission accomplished! There's a lot to talk about, so let's get started.

Rock Fangsworthy
A Zillionaire Vampire with a fear of blood, owner of the Double Fang Ranch
Rock Fangsworthy was a man of action—gruff, manly actions like boldly striding across rooms and menacingly narrowing his slate-blue eyes.

Buffi Van Pelt
A Werewolf, owner of the Best Little Winery in Bloodsuck, and mother of Rock Fangsworthy's secret twins
When he kissed her like this it set off a firestorm of lust and longing deep inside her. Not an actual firestorm, of course, just something that felt like one without all the messy burning, charring smokiness that would have accompanied the real thing.

Chastity Feelsgood
A human gold-digging idiot who is hoping to take Rock for his Zillions
Chastity closed her eyes and counted to ten, which was about as high as she could reliably go without dollar signs...

Billy Bob Bobson
A wannabe Vampire Hunter hoping to prove himself by taking down Rock
“We belong together. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re as sharp as a cue ball or have slightly uneven boobs or that your master plans are about as useful as a trapdoor on a canoe.”
How awesome are those names, by the way? All of the characters in this book are over-the-top caricatures of the folks we typically meet in Paranormal Romances, and they're perfectly crafted in their silliness and interactions. The sex in this book was equally lampooned, the authors took the time to carefully spoof the sexytimes we've come to love with awkwardness and absurd euphemisms. Speaking of which...

THE ABSURD EUPHEMISMS:
I'm only listing some of the laughable moments, because we would be here all day otherwise...
(For Sex)
his mighty tool plowed her tender furrow,
playing Ride the Fangy Stallion,

(For a Vagina)
passion chamber,
throbbing lady softness,

(For a Penis)
manroot,
icy lovecicle,


Yes, I loved every single stupid moment of this book, and I even gave it FIVE STARS which is rare for me... Read it. Love it. Tell me all about it!

Some of My Favorite Moments:
Profile Image for Laura.
Author 15 books613 followers
December 30, 2011
http://www.demonloversbooksandmore.co...

When I saw the title of this book I giggled a bit, as it is pretty ridiculous. Then I read a few reviews. "Oh, game on!" was all I could think.

I wanted a fun and fast read-I got it, boy did I get it. My cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing to myself. Obviously this book is poking fun at some of the stereotypical Romance novel cliches. There are 9 authors who each took a chapter, and it is so much fun-I can only imagine how much fun each author had emailing her chapter to the next one.

The basic plot is that Rock Fangsworthy, vampire cowboy, pardon, zillionaire vampire cowboy, wants the neighboring lands for his ranch. The owners, the Braveheart brothers, have made it into a winery. But the last of the Bravhearts dies, and he thinks he can sweet talk the new owner into selling. How was Rock to know that the new owner Buffi Von Pelt, was his one and only love?

Buffi had moved to the winery her grandmother had left her to raise her twin werewolf/vampire boys Ivan and Vlad and to make a fresh start. But when Rock shows up at her door accusing her of trying to kill him, and demanding she give him the winery, the sparks they are a-flyin'.

Features a zillionaire vampire cowboy who faints at the sight/thought/scent of blood. A single mom werewolf who never told the vampire cowboy of her dreams that she was pregnant with his twins, and two very inept bumbling villains.

I'm adding all my favorite quotes from this book. Trust me, you'll laugh! All the euphemisms for Rock's manhood had me cracking up-icy lovecicle, love pole, his love spuds...you get the picture.

"Rock Fangsworthy a vampire? Ha! ...Rock can't be a vampire at all."
Billy Bob crossed his arms. "Oh yeah? Why is that?"
"He doesn't sparkle."
His brows scrunched together. "What are you taking about?"
She rolled her eyes. "Real vampires sparkle when they're out in the sun. Everyone knows that."


"Rock Fangsworthy was a man of action-- gruff, manly actions like boldly striding across rooms and menacingly narrowing his slate-blue eyes."

"Enough with the telepathy. If only he had a cell phone. things would be solved so easily with one simple call. But that would ruin the whole story..."

"He smirked. They'd been wild last night. He looked to the trash can by her bed, pride sweeping over him at the two--count em, TWO-- condom wrappers at the top. He'd rocked her world, alright."

"Rock no. think of the twins!" (she meant her twin boys)
"Who told you?" Rock gasped, gaping openmouthed at her like a carp. "Forget the twins! They meant nothing to me! I sent them back to Dallas over a month ago. Along with the cheerleaders."


"Oh Buffi, baby. You slay me."

For just $.99 this is so worth the laughs. It's a fun and since it's short, you never get tired of the silliness (you know how with Austin Powers the first one is funny, but 3 movies later you're over it?) And next time I need a laugh, I'll read If You Give a Duke a Duchy, Or, Love's Savage Whiplash which is the next book by those Nine Naughty Novelists.
Profile Image for Tina "IRead2Escape".
1,475 reviews85 followers
January 6, 2013
The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy’s Secret Werewolf Babies by Nine Naughty Novelists is an absolute joy to read. This book was written by nine different authors (Juniper Bell, Meg Benjamin, Kate Davies, PG Forte, Kinsey W. Holley, Kelly Jamieson, Skylar Kade, Erin Nicholas & Sydney Somers) each taking a chapter or two and adding their own brand of style and humor to the story. Don’t get me wrong, if this book was an attempt at a serious story it would be epically bad. By the same token, since it is a parody it’s a masterpiece in cheesiness, stereotypes and pun worthy lines.

Rock Fangsworthy is a self made millionaire. He’s not the typical Texan, though. He’s a vampire with a blood phobia. He has a couple hundred year old grudge against the Van Pelts and he’s never forgotten it. The Van Pelts not only stole his land, but they turned it into a winery, for the love of Texas. Now, the oldest Van Pelt is dead and he’s going to make the new owner and offer they can’t refuse. He’ll finally have his land back and settle the score.

“If it has tires or testicles, it’s gonna give you trouble.”

Buffi Van Pelt is not the typical girl next door. She’s a single mom to twin boys and, oh yeah, she’s a werewolf. She’s, also the new owner of The Best Little Winery in Bloodsuck that she inherited from her grandmother. The winery is in trouble, but Buffi is determined to turn it all around. She quickly finds that she has more problems than a failing winery. Her summer love, Rock Fangsworthy, is back and wanting her land and business. She can’t let him find out that she is keeping a very big secret from him after all this time.

“He was a moth to her flame, a marshmallow to her campfire, a redneck to her bottle rocket…”

This book is laugh out loud funny in some parts and smack your head groan worthy in others. I really, really enjoyed the clueless Rock and how he struggled figuring out the most obvious things. I found myself uttering really? constantly throughout the book. God love him, I’m not sure how he has made it 400 years. The bad guys were even more clueless, but in such a good way.

It was fun to read in each chapter the different writing style of each author. You’ll love this book as long as you don’t take it seriously.

You can find this review and others at http://tinar1121.blogspot.com
Profile Image for VampireRomanceBooks ThatsErotica.
385 reviews37 followers
August 10, 2011
With such a crazy title as, The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy’s Secret Werewolf Babies, I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to take the book seriously. Well, you aren’t supposed to! The authors actually have a warning in the book letting the reader know it’s a parody and not to be taken too seriously. Once I read that, I decided to just sit back and enjoy. I’m glad I did. I was already laughing before I got through the first paragraph. With character names like Rock Fangsworthy, Buffi Van Pelt, Billy Bob Bobson, and Chastity Feelsgood you just know you’re in for a wild story.
Even with the hilarious names, and the fact each chapter was written by a different author, the story wasn’t all fluff. The entire book flowed well from author to author and never went beyond a level of silliness that made it painful to read. Rock and Buffi’s storyline had depth and even being presented in a comedic way kept me reading to make sure they got their HEA.

If you’re looking for a good story to lighten your mood and make you laugh out loud, then you need to pick up The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy’s Secret Werewolf Babies! You’ll love the way these characters interact with each other. Who wouldn’t want to be serenaded with KISS’ “I Wanna Rock N Roll All Night” by a drunk, sexy vampire named Rock Fangsworthy?
Profile Image for Mrs. Badass.
566 reviews226 followers
November 3, 2011
:shakes head: *blames Mandi*

Funny book though :P:

Best .99 on Amazon right now. This extremely funny, parody of all things Romance and Paranormal, had me giggling the entire time I was reading it.

I can't even begin to review it, other than to say that if you need a good laugh, and mindless entertaining fun, then pick up the Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies...

OMG the title :Dies;




Profile Image for Kellie Maddox-Ward.
753 reviews507 followers
April 2, 2012
This book was funny as! 9 different Authors wrote a chapter each, but they all maintained the "funness of it" are were able to take "the piss" out of the genre's. It was classic. Some of the stuff had me literally Laughing Out Loud or giggling out loud.

The main characters names are
Rock Fangsworthy- You Hero Cowboy Vampire Zillionaire
Buffi Van Pelt- The werewolf next door
Billy Bob Bobson --The Vampire Slayer
Chastity Feelsgood-- The Buckle Bunny who wants Rock

Here's some of the line's that make it an awesome laugh

“Yeah your adding two plus two and getting three hundred and sixteen!”

“But Rock, If were you, I’d have sex with me.”

"Rock no. think of the twins!" (she meant her twin boys)
"Who told you?" Rock gasped, gaping openmouthed at her like a carp. "Forget the twins! They meant nothing to me! I sent them back to Dallas over a month ago. Along with the cheerleaders."

“Well, then we’ll Gooble some different ways to murder someone and you can pick your favourite,” she cooed.
“Gooble??”
“You know, that internet thing where you look stuff up.”
“You mean Google?”
“ Yeah, whatever.”

“You have such a big…buckle,” she purred.

"Oh Buffi, baby. You slay me."

"Enough with the telepathy. If only he had a cell phone. things would be solved so easily with one simple call. But that would ruin the whole story..."

"Rock Fangsworthy was a man of action-- gruff, manly actions like boldly striding across rooms and menacingly narrowing his slate-blue eyes."

She rolled her eyes. "Real vampires sparkle when they're out in the sun. Everyone knows that."

“We belong together. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re as sharp as a cue ball or have slightly uneven boobs or that your master plans are about as useful as a trapdoor on a canoe.”

..the man who’s love pole had vaulted her into motherhood? The man who’s seed had sprouted within her, bearing such beautiful, furry fruit?

“You want to talk about appropriate TV programmes while we could be playing Ride the Fangy Stallion?”





Profile Image for Jocelyn.
51 reviews
June 5, 2014
Hilarious!
I had the privilege of meeting 6 of the Naughty Novelists when I attended the RT Booklovers conference this year in New Orleans. After talking with them, I downloaded this book just for kicks and grins. It. Is. Wonderful.
This is not a "real" romance, this is a parody of bad romances. The character names, the terms they use for body parts, the blatant over acting, it all comes together like a bad soap opera, and I loved it. Honestly, it takes talent to be able to write that badly and still have a decent story. I laughed the whole time I was reading it.

Thank you, Naughty Novelists for this book! I look forward to reading your other collaborative works as well as your individual titles!
Profile Image for Diane ~Firefly~.
2,201 reviews86 followers
January 8, 2012
Fun tongue-in-cheek story by 9 authors taking turns writing the chapters. It took a ton of cliches and put them all in one story. Just the character names themselves are hilarious - Rock Fangsworthy, Buffi Van Pelt, Chastity Feelsgood and Billy Bob Bobson. Rock can't seem to ever remember if it's been 3 or 5 years since he last saw Buffi, plot points just conveniently occur (and mention the fact). For 99 cents, it is a fun, short read.
17 reviews8 followers
October 19, 2017
I downloaded this because the first chapter had me cracking up, but while there were a few really funny scenes here and there, most of the jokes wore thin awfully fast. The authors' choice(s) to load down the romantic rival with cliches didn't help, either- the frequent goldigger/'bimbo' jokes at her expense got tired and irritating even faster than the rest of the humor.

Of the Nine Novelists, the only two whose chapters I really enjoyed were PG Forte and, to a lesser degree, Juniper Bell- the others may very well be fine romance writers when they're taking themselves a little more seriously, but their comedy left me wanting less.
899 reviews
November 25, 2017
This book was soooo funny in spots and also very stupid in spots. I like the story line and there were like 8 authors, each doing a chapter and continuing the story line. Was a short pick me up story. There could have been a lot more editing done here but it didn't detract from the story. I recommend if you want a quick, funny, pick me up story...Quite interesting the way it was done.
Profile Image for Malinda.
1,852 reviews245 followers
August 19, 2016
3.5-4 stars

This was a pretty good story. Fair warning...this is not what I'd call a serious romance/erotica. This story is a fun and cheesy read. I give you the first paragraph of the story as an example:

"It was a dark and stormy night in Bloodsuck, Texas—the kind of night vampire cowboy Rock Fangsworthy loved best. All except for the stormy part. Too much rain made the brim of his Stetson go limp. And if there was one thing Rock wasn't, it was limp. He was rock hard, through and through, from the flinty gaze in his slate-blue eyes to the diamond-tipped spurs on his custom-made, hand-crafted Lucchese lizard skin boots. In fact, Rock had only one soft spot, and that was for his ranch, the Double Fang."

Rock Fangsworth is a vampire (who faints at the sight of blood) and is the owner of the Double Fang ranch. He wants to buy out the winery next door but when he goes to try to buy it from the new owners he finds a past lover, Buffi Van Pelt (who is a werewolf), is the new owner. They had been together 3 years before and split up due to a fight (details unknown). Buffi is torn about seeing Rock after all these years, especially since it's only to try to buy the winery so things don't go well on their first meeting. As you may have guessed from the story's name, Buffi has a secret she hasn't told Rock about and with him only seeing her to try to buy the winery she's not sure she should tell him the truth.

At this time, Rock actually has a gold-digger named Chastity, as a house guest. She's willing to do whatever it takes to sink her claws in to Rock because all she cares about is money and sparkly gifts. Chastity isn't exactly smart and uses her implanted boobs to try to get her way with men. Things get even more messed up when a vampire hunter named Billy Bob Boberson comes to town looking to stake Rock. Billy Bob isn't real bright either but he does add some interesting twists to the story as he and Chastity end up in cahoots trying to scheme their way in to money they didn't earn.

The story takes place over a couple days so obviously Rock and Buffi get things worked out pretty quickly. There's a number of back and forths as they try to stay away from each other but can't resist each other. Eventually they manage to forget about the past argument that broke them up and realize they want to be together. They manage to take care of the situation with Chastity and Billy Bob and (once the secret has been shared) start their HEA.

This was a fun, enjoyable story. It is cheesy though so this story is not for someone looking for a serious romance. I totally intend to read the Nine Naughty Novelists other book If You Give a Duke a Duchy, Or, Love's Savage Whiplash. I'd recommend this for anyone looking for a fun read. :D

A couple more quotes to give you a feel for the story:

"Chastity Feelsgood had been told—more than once—that she wasn't the brightest bulb in the box. But that didn't mean she wasn't bright at all. At least, she was pretty sure that’s not what it meant."


"She gave him a sultry smile, that sexy wolf smile that had haunted his dreams and fantasies for the last three years—or was it five? Whatever.

“You have such a big...buckle,” she purred.

“It’s custom made,” he moaned. “With the Double Fang logo.”

Then she flicked the leather belt against his ass with a bite of stinging pleasure.

“Ah! Buffi! You vixen.”

She paused. “I’m a wolf,” she corrected him. “And don’t you forget it.”

“No. Never.” He kissed her once more.

She dropped the belt to the floor with a clunk of the heavy buckle. Then she dropped to the floor, too, her fingers now working at the fly of his jeans. When her fingers closed around him, her touch on his throbbing manroot almost brought him to his knees, and once again he gasped her name. His jaw clenched. The vein in his temple throbbed. He threaded his fingers through her pelt of golden hair and held her head as she used her mouth to take him to paradise, used her lips, her tongue, even, dammit, her teeth, those sharp, predatory, meat-eating teeth that made him just a little nervous when she was having lunch downtown. He groaned."

"Sometime later—much, much later—Buffi drifted back down from another delicious cloud of bliss she’d been floating on. Something was digging into her back. She slipped a hand beneath herself and pulled out the handcuffs then, with a secret smile, tossed them aside. She ran a hand up and down over Rock’s rock-hard muscles.

“Mmmm,” she said. “Oh, Rock. That was so good.”

They lay twined together in her bed, sheets tangled around them. Her body ached with sweet satisfaction. He was the only man who could ever make her feel this way. It had always been like that between them. Uncontrollable. Undeniable. Unclothed."
November 14, 2012
Five stars because it was so daft. I laughed all the way through, while the family looked at me like I was nuts!
What a great idea, Nine authors get together to write one book. it was totally crazy.

Set in BLOODSUCK, it is the story of ROCK FANGSWORTHY, The vampire with a blood phobia! The characters all have fantastically hilarious names, such as the Braveheart Brothers, Butch and Barkley (werewolves), Chastity Feelsgood, Billy Bob Bobson, and Buffi Von Pelt. Buffi being the mama of the Zillionaire cowboy vampire's Babies.

There are SO many crazy quotes in this book, a few of the ones I found funny are.....
With a dismayed gasp she looked down. Her soaking wet t-shirt clung to her body like she was a sorority girl in a Cancun bar at spring break. Why hadn't she put on a bra this morning?

She winced as she noticed the dent his head had made in the flooring, Hopefully it wouldn't be too obvious once he got up, or she'd have to get a throw rug to cover it.

Billy Bob Boson watched the whole display inside Rock Fangsworthy's house. He had awfully clear windows for someone who sunburnt easily.

His icy love icicle pressed against her dewy portal, demanding admittance to her passion chamber.

....everyone knows that vampire's aren't supposed to pass out when they see blood! And they're supposed to frikin sparkle in the sun!

And to top it off there's even Vampire Viagra!

well deserving off five stars. I loved every minute of it, Haven't had such a good laugh for ages.
Profile Image for A Voracious Reader (a.k.a. Carol).
2,154 reviews1 follower
May 9, 2014
*Book source ~ Picked up for free on Amazon.

Rock Fangsworthy is a vampire, a zillionaire and a cowboy who owns The Double Fang ranch in Bloodsuck Texas. He’s also a daddy to twins though that’s something he doesn’t know. Yet.

Buffy Van Pelt is Rock’s neighbor and has inherited The Best Little Winery in Bloodsuck. She’s also a werewolf and broke. If she can’t pull the winery up by it’s grape vines she and her twins will starve or be forced to sell to Rock. Neither option is pleasant.

Rock and Buffy once shared some hot times together. Will they be able to put the past behind them and come together as a family? Or will an inept vampire slayer nip any happiness they may create in the bud before it gets a chance to bloom?

The title alone drew me in and I picked it up for free awhile ago. Then I needed the ‘Z’ for an alphabet challenge, so I figured it was high time I cracked this bad boy open. Oh.My.Lawd. Bless the authors’ hearts for creating an entertaining read. Nine authors took turns writing a parody about the book community’s current infatuation with cowboys, vampires, werewolves and billionaires. Though they made Rock a zillionaire which is even funnier. The writing is hilarious because it’s so exaggerated. They put everything a writer shouldn’t do in this and made it highly amusing. I had many moments of snorts, giggles, snickers and outright guffaws. If you need a pickmeup I suggest picking this one up.
Profile Image for Melindeeloo.
3,268 reviews158 followers
August 16, 2015
With nine writers sharing the writing The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies is over the top silly so be prepared. This quick goofy fun read parodies all those Harlequin millionaire secret baby books and throws in a hefty dose of the paranormal.

A coop effort by authors Juniper Bell, Meg Benjamin, Kate Davies, PG forte, Kensey W. Holly, Kelly Jamieson, Skylar Kade, Erin Nicholas, and Sydney Somers, manages to achieve a pretty consistent voice as the authors take turns cycling through chapters stuffed to the gills with the purplest of prose. (I have to agree with one of the other reviewers who said that the nine authors who took turns writing chapters must of had a lot of fun getting together and plottting the story "and lots of margaritas too".)

You would definitely have to be in the mood for some silliness to enjoy the saga of rockhard blood phobic zillionaire cowboy vampire Rock Fangsworthy, Buffi VanPelt the mother of his secret wolf babies, and grasping greedy Chastity Feelsgood and the not quite identical twins ;) I was in that mood and I was able to just go with the ridiculous flow, so I found it very chuckle worthy and the title alone was almost worth the buck I paid for this.

Profile Image for The BookChick .
1,454 reviews425 followers
September 22, 2011
This book was cheesy and corny but………LAUGH OUT LOUD hilarious. Madcap humor at its best! For anyone who thought this book might have been stupid, the title alone should have provided some indication that you were not going to get a life-altering story; it promised humor, plain and simple. And with characters like Chastity Feelsgood, Rock Fangsworthy, Buffi Van Pelt, and Billy Bob Bobson, you knew you were in for a wild ride. The fact that Rock, a vampire, was hemophobic (afraid of blood) was absolutely hilarious since he would practically faint at the sight of blood. And I hooted when Chastity said Gooble instead of Google.

I liked how there was a seamless integration of chapters written by nine different authors. And when I say seamless, that’s exactly what I mean. At no time did the feel or pace of the story change with the author change. It felt as if I was reading a book authored by one person and only the author names after the chapter numbers proved otherwise.

Very well done!
Profile Image for Laura.
4,244 reviews93 followers
July 22, 2012
This was $.99 on Amazon, and a big thanks to Aravis for recommending it!

It's not deep reading, obviously. I mean, any zillionaire (that's more than a billionaire, right?) vampire allergic to blood isn't going to be one of your more serious heroes. Particularly not if he's thinking about getting a theme song, like "We Will Rock You" (his name is Rock Fangsworthy, of the Double Fang Ranch). There's the girlfriend, Chastity, a human with Triple D cups (sort of... blame the plastic surgeon), his former fling, Buffi Van Pelt, who has reappeared in his life along with two cute puppiestwo-year-old sonswerewolf babies, and Billy Bob Bobson, just trying to make his way in the family vampire staking business.

I don't think there's a cliche or bad pun they don't hit - if this were supposed to be a serious book, it'd have been annoying but as this is clearly satire (and a far better job at it than Nightshade!) it's just one long (well, 118 pages long) giggle fest. Hence the 5 start rating!
Profile Image for Reagan Whitten.
45 reviews1 follower
September 29, 2011
This book is actually written by "Nine Naughty Novelists" who are various romance authors who must have gotten together over a huge pitcher of margaritas to write this puppy. Let me just say I really did LOL. DO NOT judge this book by its cover or its lengthy name; it is totally worth the read :)
This is the story about Rock Fangsworthy (the zillionaire vampire cowboy) who lives in Bloodsuck, TX & has everything he ever wanted except this little piece of land; The Best Little Winery in Bloodsuck. He wants the winery but comes up against an old lover, the werewolf Buffi Van Pelt (the names alone make me giggle!!). Throw in the stupid money hungry blonde, Chastity Feelsgood and the dimwitted vampire slayer Billy Bob Bobson and you get a really cute story with hilarious writing!!
Seriously do yourself a favor and pick this one up. If it doesn't make you laugh, then you need help!!
June 11, 2013
First of all you need to remember to take this book as it's intended - very tongue-in-cheek and silly. The nine authors who contributed to this book knew they weren't writing the great american novel. They wanted it be cheesy and it is. But, that's what makes this a fun, quick read.

Second, the story. It's the tale of a (you guessed it) vampire cowboy. But he's not your average horse-riding vamp. He's also a zillionaire who is dating a natural dumb blonde with unnatural double d's. Imagine his surprise when he runs into his ex-girlfriend who is also a (try to guess........) werewolf! You see where I'm going with this huh?

This is a silly tale full of smexy scenes, werewolf pups, gold-diggers and murder-plots. A fun fluffy read!
Profile Image for Emme .
122 reviews9 followers
August 25, 2011
Ok, this was a hoot! What a fun project-- having nine uber-talented novelists lay down chapters of over-the-top naughty delights? I was guffawing my ass off reading this, and will definitely recommend it for out-loud reading during our polybifemme slumber parties. Just one of the many hilarious gems:

"But how could she do that to her babies' daddy, the man whose love-pole had vaulted her into motherhood? The man whose seed had sprouted within her, bearing such beautiful furry fruit?"

Kudos to the Nine. This book made my week and was a welcome break from the usual smarmy paranormal romance that I'm addicted to, and grudgingly love.
Profile Image for Beverly Diehl.
Author 5 books76 followers
October 31, 2011
If you read a lot of romance (or even if you don't) and are looking for something short, light and tasty, this novella will hit the spot. So many clever little ideas in this parody, from the vampire who's afraid of blood, to the gold digger with the not-quite-right boob job.

Loved the werewolf toddlers chewing up the expensive shoes, the Double Fang ranch that is NOT enough like Southfork (from Dallas) and the way the NINE different authors managed to tell a relatively coherent story. Some bits were funnier, some more romantic or suspenseful, but all were entertaining. I howled (with laughter, not with erotic satiation, like the werewolf heroine) all the way through.
Profile Image for Christina.
412 reviews9 followers
November 6, 2011
Very cute, tongue in cheek PNR story. Every bad term ever used to describe body parts is used in this book in a hilarious way, love popcicle included. ;) Plus some very memorable character names like our hero Rock Fangsworthy, his lady love Buffi Van Pelt and the other woman Chastity Feelgood.

It is a jointly written book. Each chapter is written by a different author. So, it really does read like a improv sketch, one taking over the story from another and telling it with a different tone. I am not sure if that process would work in a book that wasn't a parody, but it seems to really work here.

Very worth while read and currently 0.99 at Amazon.
Profile Image for Rachel Tsoumbakos.
Author 43 books109 followers
October 7, 2011
I found this book a delight to read - but then again, I really enjoy vampire and werewolf books that don't take themselves too seriously! And this book certainly doesn't try to be serious about it's chosen topic. I found the plot completely contrived and the characters larger than life - which is every thing you want and need in a parody.

If you're a serious Stephenie Meyer fan, you may not want to pick this book up, but everyone else who is either over the whole Team Vampire vs. Team Werewolf or are up for a good laugh should check this book out!
Profile Image for Brenda.
85 reviews48 followers
January 28, 2016
I barely got through two paragraphs in the first chapter before I started laughing. My mother asked me what was so funny, so I went back to the beginning and read the entire thing out loud to her in one day. We sat on the couch as I read what I called the 'Saga of the Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies' dramatically out loud and laughed our collective asses off. It sounds like bad daytime television but it's so funny.

If you want to read something just to laugh at, I would say read this.
Profile Image for Dicey Grenor.
Author 32 books106 followers
August 3, 2012
I read up to 15% some time ago and didn't really get into it, so I put it down and read a few more books before coming back to it. That did the trick. I must have been in a much better mood, because this book had me hollering in some parts. Hilarious! Even the author biographies are funny. I went back to read the beginning again to make sure I got the full effect once I was in the right head space for this book. If you're in the mood to laugh (or have had a few drinks), pick this one up. It is a silly one, just know that going in.
Profile Image for Cassandra.
222 reviews82 followers
November 10, 2015
The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies is certainly a fast read but the story has a lot of cohesiveness and somehow despite this being written by a lot of novelists it does not come off as scattered.

The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies is utterly funny and manages to use the myths of vampires and werewolves in some new ways. That in itself is surprising. Amazing read.
Overall: Amazing read!
Genre: Supernatural, Erotica, Romance

Contains: A lot of sex scenes.
Profile Image for Kim.
69 reviews
November 8, 2011

Wow! This was great! I learned a ton of new idioms reading this book and I'll be sure to try some out soon!

I have read works by about half of the Nine Naughty Novelists. Even though they were writing the same story, I could still identify the individual writing style of each author. This has piqued my interest in reading stories from the other authors I haven't read yet!

I would love to see these women together, it's bound to be a hoot! I wonder if anyone would get a word in???
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