Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World that Misunderstands Males

by Jennifer L.W. Fink

Offers parents tips and tools to help boys move beyond persistent gender stereotypes to full humanity. We want to raise well-rounded human beings—we're just not quite sure how best to do it. Confounded by rapidly changing gender norms, today’s parents are attempting to raise kind, compassionate, emotionally sensitive boys in a society that simultaneously rewards stereotypical masculinity and is increasingly hostile to boys. Surrounded by messages of female empowerment, young boys ask their parents, “Why don’t they ever say that boys can be anything they want to be?” Teaching boys to respect others will help them in the future—but can make life awfully difficult in the here and now. Making the world a safer place for women and girls is not the only reason to rethink our boy raising practices. Current culture harms our boys too—and they need (and deserve) as much support as girls and women. Building Boys is written by an in-the-trenches #boymom who intimately understands male development and the challenges currently facing boys and their families. Fink offers ten rules that parents can use to guide their parenting choices throughout their sons’ lives—guidelines that are as relevant to parenting toddlers as they are to parenting teenagers. These rules range from emphasizing emotional intelligence to letting your son struggle and ultimately accepting him as he is. Fink explains both the science and research behind each rule as well as stories and anecdotes from families, including her own. Parents are taught how to apply the rule to a variety of common parenting challenges. And because these rules are broad, they are as applicable to boys with ADHD, autism and learning challenges are they are to neurotypical boys.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

272 pages, Hardcover

Published April 4, 2023

Reviews

[Katharine Strange · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parenting boys can feel very fraught during this time of rapid social change. How can we honor our boys while guiding them towards positive influences? Where should we push back against cultural norms that shame boys and where should we show our boys the pitfalls of going along with the (often sexist) status quo? Fink gives some great food for thought and reassurance for parent and teachers.

[Barbara Rahll · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm glad I read this book. Admittedly, I thought this one might be a dnf a few times, as some of the information is basic, but I really enjoyed the last two chapters. I'd highly recommend it for those who might want to reconsider old school thinking about parenting, but otherwise it's a good read, but not a must read.

[Gwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I dog-eared many a page in Ms. Fink’s latest and best read. Written with a healthy dose of humor and very accessible, this is one of the best parenting books I have read—-and there have been many.

My son is now a high school freshman and the timing of this read is spot on, though it would have been ideal to have it when he was in elementary. Even for parents who think they know it all and have been there, done that, I believe there is still tremendous value in taking a look at Building Boys. In fact, it would be a worthy read for all who work with and for boys (grandparents and other family members, teachers, counselors, school administrators, medical professionals, etc).

Fink includes advice from other parenting authors and experts, connecting readers to other sources of information, many of which are new for me. This book is brimming with easy to deploy tips (like choosing your words carefully to make requests rather than directives). I really appreciated her discussion of how to provide an environment for boys to build self-esteem and navigate the precarious world we live in.

I plan to bring some copies to a mom’s group lunch next week to share. I’m sure there will be interest in doing a book group on it. Thank you, Jennifer, for writing this wonderful book. 🩵

[Malin Friess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good info to be aware of:

1- Don't rush formal education. 34% of boys with August birthdays who start Kindergarten (and are nearly a year younger than their peers) are diagnosed with ADHD. They are just not ready.
2- Porn can't be ignored. Most kids accidentally access it by age 11- by googling Boobs or something like that.
3- Some interesting age appropriate chores for 9-10 year olds: mow lawn, vacuum, weed, clean toilets, fold laundry, pack lunches....Oliver could do more.

3 stars.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

More like a 3.5/5. Lots of things I liked, some things I needed to read to challenge my own biases, but there were ways I felt that the book repeated the same ideas over and over or didn’t fully flesh out a concept, re: maturation rate. We know that, generally, boys mature slower than girls. But without fully exploring the fact that we tend to expect a lot more from little girls in regards to education, maturity, and capabilities, it seems to just get chocked up to nature and biology.

Overall, glad I read it!

[Isaac · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the typos and mistyping I enjoyed the message of this book. The patriarchy harms boys and girls alike, and I like seeing more people talk about how best to handle that when raising sons in particular. Found this book while just walking around in Cambridge Public Library and I was like "ooooh."

[Jasper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lighthearted book that gave simple practical advice on raising kids. Enjoyed the lack of fearmongering that accompanies most parenting advice and would recommend for new parents. The book struck a good balance between setting boundaries for your kids and crushing their spirits.

[Trina Almeda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reads like the introduction of a well-researched issue but is missing the actual punch of discovery and application.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book to read and discuss with fellow parents!

[John Pledger · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of common sense reminders about how boys brains do not work right. Patience and understanding while guiding.