Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World that Misunderstands Males

by Jennifer L.W. Fink

Building Boys offers tips and tools that parents can use to help boys move beyond persistent gender stereotypes to full humanity. Understanding, acknowledging, and respecting male development is key to facilitating boys’ growth and making the world a safer place for humans of all genders.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

257 pages, Hardcover

Published April 4, 2023

Reviews

[Katharine Strange · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parenting boys can feel very fraught during this time of rapid social change. How can we honor our boys while guiding them towards positive influences? Where should we push back against cultural norms that shame boys and where should we show our boys the pitfalls of going along with the (often sexist) status quo? Fink gives some great food for thought and reassurance for parent and teachers.

[Jennica Watson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Least favorite parenting book I’ve ever read. For every tidbit that felt useful, there were 3 unhelpful generalizations that followed. It felt, at times, like the author turns her nose down at any and all masculine norms, as if every male stereotype in existence is bad instead of acknowledging that there are a number of factors in life that DO and SHOULD separate boys and their abilities and expectations from girls and theirs.

Also felt preachy to me at times, a lot of her personal stories about her sons seemed fabricated. I’m to believe she really stood by and let her son buy a used car off of a stranger on the internet and that she then stood by and watched him in defeat when it was a pile of junk that didn’t run, to finally stand by and watch him figure out how to resell his pile of junk for half of the money he spent on it? I fully believe in letting kids make mistakes to learn from them, but that just feels like some negligent parenting. Especially when a large portion of the book talks about how boys’ brains develop slowly and not fully until 25. So i don’t know, maybe encourage your son to use the internet to find some feasible options for his first vehicle while not allowing him to be straight up swindled by someone in the process? Just my take.

[Barbara Rahll · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm glad I read this book. Admittedly, I thought this one might be a dnf a few times, as some of the information is basic, but I really enjoyed the last two chapters. I'd highly recommend it for those who might want to reconsider old school thinking about parenting, but otherwise it's a good read, but not a must read.

[Gwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I dog-eared many a page in Ms. Fink’s latest and best read. Written with a healthy dose of humor and very accessible, this is one of the best parenting books I have read—-and there have been many.

My son is now a high school freshman and the timing of this read is spot on, though it would have been ideal to have it when he was in elementary. Even for parents who think they know it all and have been there, done that, I believe there is still tremendous value in taking a look at Building Boys. In fact, it would be a worthy read for all who work with and for boys (grandparents and other family members, teachers, counselors, school administrators, medical professionals, etc).

Fink includes advice from other parenting authors and experts, connecting readers to other sources of information, many of which are new for me. This book is brimming with easy to deploy tips (like choosing your words carefully to make requests rather than directives). I really appreciated her discussion of how to provide an environment for boys to build self-esteem and navigate the precarious world we live in.

I plan to bring some copies to a mom’s group lunch next week to share. I’m sure there will be interest in doing a book group on it. Thank you, Jennifer, for writing this wonderful book. 🩵

[Rebekah Snyder · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of gender-based parenting books and this one is truly a gem. Unlike many of the books I’ve been reading, Fink’s book is filled with personal examples demonstrating practical advice for parenting boys. I wish I would have kept a notebook close by as I was reading because I’m currently skimming back through it to collect numerous gems.

Being a secular book, there were a handful of things I fundamentally disagreed with as a matter of faith and personal conviction, but overall, this book seems like a great guide to raising boys.

As a mother of both genders, I would love to read the female equivalent of this book.

[Malin Friess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good info to be aware of:

1- Don't rush formal education. 34% of boys with August birthdays who start Kindergarten (and are nearly a year younger than their peers) are diagnosed with ADHD. They are just not ready.
2- Porn can't be ignored. Most kids accidentally access it by age 11- by googling Boobs or something like that.
3- Some interesting age appropriate chores for 9-10 year olds: mow lawn, vacuum, weed, clean toilets, fold laundry, pack lunches....Oliver could do more.

3 stars.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

More like a 3.5/5. Lots of things I liked, some things I needed to read to challenge my own biases, but there were ways I felt that the book repeated the same ideas over and over or didn’t fully flesh out a concept, re: maturation rate. We know that, generally, boys mature slower than girls. But without fully exploring the fact that we tend to expect a lot more from little girls in regards to education, maturity, and capabilities, it seems to just get chocked up to nature and biology.

Overall, glad I read it!

[Isaac · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the typos and mistyping I enjoyed the message of this book. The patriarchy harms boys and girls alike, and I like seeing more people talk about how best to handle that when raising sons in particular. Found this book while just walking around in Cambridge Public Library and I was like "ooooh."

[Jasper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lighthearted book that gave simple practical advice on raising kids. Enjoyed the lack of fearmongering that accompanies most parenting advice and would recommend for new parents. The book struck a good balance between setting boundaries for your kids and crushing their spirits.

[Trina Almeda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reads like the introduction of a well-researched issue but is missing the actual punch of discovery and application.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book to read and discuss with fellow parents!

[John Pledger · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of common sense reminders about how boys brains do not work right. Patience and understanding while guiding.