How to Deal with Angry People: 10 Strategies for Facing Anger at Home, at Work and in the Street

by Ryan Martin

Ryan Martin, aka Tiktok's "The Anger Professor" (162k followers), offers 10 highly effective, research-based strategies for coping with the anger you have to face, whether at home, at work, on the street or online.

Whether the confrontations are taking place at home, at work or online, the emotional toll of dealing with an angry person day-in day-out can be huge. As we often can't cut ourselves off from these angry people (although terminating the relationship is an option that’s explored), this book draws on the author's years of research and clinical practice to help readers manage potentially explosive situations for the best possible outcomes. The

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Relationships, Audiobook

218 pages, Paperback

First published May 9, 2023

Reviews

[Nick Bailey · Rating 3 out of 5]

3/5

This was alright. It had some simple tips and practical advice, but overall I felt it lacked depth on the subject. Dare I say it was an extended pamphlet?

[Isabella · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure what to say about this book. It’s okay. Talks through emotions and why people might be angry. Not being around angry people seems the only answer to deal with angry people. How you can try and not over react to anger seems to be the only thing to do if you can’t stay away from them. I think I will forget this very quickly, not distinct enough.

[Fern Adams · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an informative and comprehensive book all about what makes us angry, how people can act their anger out and how best to respond to others anger. Ranging from angry parents to work colleagues, online exchanges to family get together through a mixture of case studies and general information a lot is covered. While it may be a heavy topic Martin writes in a conversational style making his points easy to understand and apply to everyday life. Having read this I definitely feel I’ve learned some methods to apply to everyday life when thinking about how to respond to other people’s anger.

[Lu · Rating 1 out of 5]

Don’t bother.

[Clbplym · Rating 4 out of 5]

I downloaded this because, like many people, I have to deal with other people who are angry at work. The book outlines different reasons why people might be angry. I liked the distinction between anger as a state and as a trait. The book is also clear that the strategies suggested are not for people in abusive relationships who need to get out. As a pretty calm person, I felt that many of the strategies were ones I was already using but they are useful. I was challenged by the need to give up sometimes and disengage and the fact that guilt is a natural reaction but may not be based in reality in the same way that anger is not always. This is easy to read given the heavy subject matter and I recommend it. Thanks to Netgalley for an ARC.

[nadine · Rating 4 out of 5]

i read how to deal with angry people because i do have a specific angry person in my life i wanted help with dealing with. having read this, and given it a little time to be able to put it to practical use, i do think this is well worth reading if you think you might need it. whether dealing with anger from specific people or the general anger of the world, there are genuine tips to help deal with it and plenty of information about how to better understand anger as a general emotion.

✧ full review on my tumblr ✧

[Jb · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good worldview to understand anger, and some tools to manage. But written from a TikTok success, and it shows a bit in the lack of depth.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this. Fast read! Very interesting. And helped me see anger and how to deal with it in a different way.

[John Dodd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to the author and Netgalley for the free review copy

We all know someone who's angry, we sometimes are angry, and it's not a good thing at the best of times, so what to do about it?

This is a book of strategies, of mechanisms through which situations may be defused, and I stress the "May" part of that statement, because as the book acknowledges, all situations are fluid, and there's no guarantee to what may be driving said situation.

Which in turn leads to the main issue of this, there are examples within of how to de-escalate a situation, but as the book points out at the beginning, it's not for those in an abusive relationship, or those in an immediate confrontation, but rather for those who are seeking to plan and work their way through either their own anger issues or those of the people around them.

I've been in a lot of situations with angry people face to face, so the takeaway for me from this is likely to be very different from many peoples experience, because if you can get someone talking about any facet of their behaviour, you're most of the way there because you've managed to get it to dialogue without violence or escalation, and this book feels like it's more for people who are dealing with situations that _can_ be resolved through talking.

There's a lot of sound ideas, and maybe Dr Martins first book covers how to get people to talk in the first place, but for me, that's a step you need to get your foot on before this book will be useful.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative book, I especially loved the footnotes as some really made me laugh. Great strategies provided!

[Elizabeth]

As heard on Depresh Mode with John Moe - Anger: Let’s Talk About It, Learn About It, Not Fear It, Use It For Good

Anger can be a scary topic for a lot of people. It usually doesn’t feel good when you’re experiencing it and it can be associated with behaviors that are very frightening indeed. But Dr. Ryan Martin, who is one of the few academics specializing in anger and who has written two books about it, says anger is a normal and even beneficial emotion to experience. It’s your body’s way of indicating that some injustice has been done, either to you or someone else. And that’s good information to have. He says that if we can listen to anger for what it’s telling us about ourselves and our surroundings, without throwing punches, it can lead to a more balanced and thoughtful life and, in the end, a more peaceful life. He also shares why so-called rage rooms are not really good for your anger at all (it’s kind of like drinking in a bar to address your alcoholism) and how he’s taught his own kids to own their anger and process it.

Thank you to all our listeners who support the show as monthly members of Maximum Fun.

Check out our I’m Glad You’re Here and Depresh Mode merchandise at the brand new merch website MaxFunStore.com!

Hey, remember, you’re part of Depresh Mode and we want to hear what you want to hear about. What guests and issues would you like to have covered in a future episode? Write us at depreshmode@maximumfun.org.

Depresh Mode is on BlueSky, Instagram, Substack, and you can join our Preshies Facebook group. 

Help is available right away.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-8255, 1-800-273-TALK

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.

International suicide hotline numbers available here: https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

https://afp-9384.calisto.simplecastau...

[Becs · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an insightful and informative book which actually really helped me to understand what I can and can't challenge, within myself and with others, and how I might begin to go about that (or, in fact, when might be the right time to just walk away).

I wanted to read this book for two reasons: passive aggressive people circulating the tides of my life and my own inner turmoil over my reactions towards that. There are some very key, perhaps obvious, strategies in this book to help you navigate other people's ire. It essentially explores, with some evidence ("some" being the operative word), how to step back and consider what the root cause of their angry delivery or aggression may be and whether you can find a way to not take it personally or help them calm down.

I dislike that some of the onus is put on to you to essentially excuse their behaviour, but actually the author really tries to make it abundantly clear that this isn't about making excuses for people and their behaviour, but rather about finding ways for you to feel okay navigating your way around how those people make you feel - I suppose one could argue that being shouted at, whether they have a traumatic background or not, is not your responsibility to have to deal with. And it isn't. But realising it isn't necessarily personal can help, I agree, with letting the specifics of their ire feel like they strike too much of a chord.

There were some parts of the book I found really helpful, like respecting boundaries if the relationship is non-negotiable and over - that was nice to hear that it's absolutely about respect if you have asked for space and wish to be given it (there must be so many entitled people who continue to force "meaningful" relationships when they are unwanted by the other party). Entitlement was also well explored.

Did I feel like I came away with a useful toolkit to make effective changes in my passive aggressive relationships? Not really. I think the tips and tricks are things everyone would have tried themselves over time anyway. But did it bolster me into thinking that it was okay for me to have some of the reactions to other people's ire, when I may have doubted them before? Yes, it was quite an empowering book.

ARC provided from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Paromjit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ryan Martin, aka Tiktok's "The Anger Professor" writes a well researched, helpful, emotionally insightful, and informative guide on the topic of anger that will resonate with almost anyone living in our increasingly fraught and confrontational contemporary world, within relationships, in the home, family, online and other interactions in the public arena. The emotional toll and stress generated by having to deal with angry people on an everyday basis makes this potentially a valuable guide that will appeal to a wide range of readers. However, the author makes it clear this book is not for those in abusive relationships where a person is being regularly harmed physically and emotionally.

It is organised into 2 parts, Part 1 looks towards understanding angry people and their experiences, drawing on psychology research and practice, and explores personality types, biology, emotional development, emotional contagion, and different thinking styles. However, there are situations where anger is a justifiable response and there are cultural inequalities to be found in the different expectations of how anger should be expressed based on race and gender. Anger can be both a state and a personality trait, anger tends to generate a emotional response, angry people are not always monsters, although they can be dangerous and toxic. Part 2 offers 10 strategies on coping with and managing angry people, personally, in relationships and families, and professionally, including the need to work out what you really want, staying calm, recognising anger in its numerous forms, looking at the situation from a angry person's perspective, etc..

Martin integrates this easy to read guide throughout with tips, case studies, activities and facts that enhance understanding and provide potential opportunities to implement good practice, and contribute towards creating and integrating strategies aiming for the best possible outcomes for the anger scenarios that the reader might find themselves facing. This is a pertinent guide for everyone with the fragmentary world we live in today, and anger is an interesting topic to explore in its own right too. Highly recommended. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

"How to Deal With Angry People" by Dr. Ryan Martin is a non-fiction book that jumped out at me when it appeared in a recent Netgalley e-mail.

One of the aspects of Ryan's job is to provide corporate training to help people manage angry situations efficiently, and he starts by asking the question: "How is it possible that we got to a place where people are yelling at librarians?"

How indeed.

He makes it quite clear (several times) that this book is NOT for anyone experiencing domestic abuse or intimate partner violence. It's aimed at people who work with the public and struggle to deal with one-off anger incidents at work, but also for anyone who has someone short-tempered in their life, be it partner, teen, parent, friend, or co-worker who regularly exhibits anger. He also speaks about how to deal with anger online.

He's a psychology professor who has studied anger and emotions for over twenty years, so he does know his stuff. Apparently he also has a large following on TikTok, but I haven't encountered him (now that I've written this, I fully expect him to be the first thing that pops up the next time I open the app👩‍🏭).

He speaks about how anger and aggression are different (angry people aren't always aggressive), about the contagiousness of anger and social reinforcement, and biology v upbringing (among other topics).

He also lists ten ways to deal with an angry person, including working out what you really want from this person - do you want to score points, or do you want to come away feeling positive? Is the anger sometimes justified? Is there a safe way to disengage?

I found my own attitude to anger change a lot during Repeal - I learned fairly fast that I needed to change the way I responded to anger if I was going to have any chance of a discussion with some people. Looking at your own worldview and building some habits can really help, especially if it's not possible to cut the angry person out.

It was a fast, insightful read and I'm glad I requested it! Thank you to @watkinswisdom for the ARC via @netgalley.

[Rj Yeomans · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Ryan Martin’s book How to Deal with Angry People is a great resource for anyone who deals with an angry person (or angry people) regularly either in their daily life or their work. I found that he breaks down likely causes of most anger and strategies on how to deal with it in a way that most people will find easy to follow and in a style that is both approachable and informative.

The author’s style of writing is very conversational in tone and, I think, based on his time teaching, could almost come off like an extended lecture on the subject of angry people. The book is easy to read, but still has enough depth to keep it interesting.

The first part of the book discusses angry people by differentiating between angry people or a people who are angry, how they may have gotten that way (nature and/or nurture), and how to see the mindset of the angry people. The second part outlines ten strategies that a person can use to deal with angry people. This is where the meat of Dr. Martin’s insights come into play. To be honest, I found some of these strategies to be more practical than others, but there are some good ideas here, generally speaking. Additionally, if you’ve had any training in conflict resolution and/or anger management, some of his ideas may already be known to you, but it never hurts to review.

The book is definitely directed toward people who are experiencing anger coming from others, but I think if you are an angry person, or a person that often experiences anger, some of the issues and strategies Dr. Martin discusses could be useful for you as well. That said, I would have liked to have a more direct approach to dealing with ones own anger, but that may be outside the scope of what Dr. Martin was trying to get at here.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Originally posted on my blog Nonstop Reader.

How to Deal with Angry People is a tutorial and self-help guide for managing conflict by psychology professor Dr. Ryan Martin. Due out 9th May 2023 from Watkins Publishing, it's 224 pages and will be available in paperback, audio, and ebook formats.

This is a very well written, logical, accessible, and most strikingly reasonable monograph on anger: what it is, why it happens, how to recognize it in ourselves and others, and what we can do about it. The author uses considerable effort to emphasize that dealing with angry people should -never- come at the cost of sacrificing personal safety. For people who are in unsafe situations because of the anger of the people around them, he provides some basic resources for finding help to come into a better/safer environment.

The second half of the book provides 10 strategies for different situations and how to use the information provided to communicate and ameliorate inevitable conflicts which arise.

This is an information dense, useful book. There's very little "polyanna" unproductive relentless positivity and I was surprised how sensible and practical the recommendations are. This would be a good choice for public or school library acquisition or home use.

Four stars.

Disclosure: I received an ARC at no cost from the author/publisher for review purposes.

[chantellekitty · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.75⭐️

I picked up this book because I work in customer service, often on the phones, and regularly deal with angry callers. I thought How to Deal with Angry People would be the perfect tool to help me handle those situations more effectively.

The book started off well, and I went in with an open mind, ready to take in all the advice. However, I found that the first half focused almost entirely on understanding angry people rather than offering practical strategies. While I do understand that empathy and insight are important, it felt a bit misleading to get halfway through before hearing how to actually deal with the situations.

When the advice did start coming, it was helpful—mainly around mindset and how to mentally approach difficult interactions—but honestly, only about 5–10% of the book felt dedicated to actionable tips. The rest leaned heavily into the psychology of anger, which, while interesting, wasn’t quite what I expected or needed from the title.

That said, it wasn’t a total miss. It gave me a more positive outlook on my phone shifts and helped me realize I’m far from alone in dealing with angry people. It offered some fresh perspective and a reminder that anger is often more about the other person than it is about me.

Ryan Martin clearly knows his stuff—he’s a doctor, he references studies, and he presents the information well. But in terms of delivering what the title promises, I think this one falls a little short. Honestly, I think his short-form TikTok content might be a better space for the practical advice I was looking for. 🤭

[Joano · Rating 3 out of 5]

The following review is based on the audiobook narrated by the author.

If you’re after a book that will help you deal with angry people that are members of your own family (parent, etc) then don’t bother reading this book. If you are in a toxic relationship with a significant other, then this book cannot help you either.

To generalise, the book is about the types of angry people and why they are angry. It’s great with dealing with one off situations at work or with a friend. Most of us understands why people might be angry (they’re insecure, or it’s a defensive mechanism). Many rational people will understand how to avoid angry people and to speak in a calm tone to de-escalate the situation. However, if you are in a toxic relationship with an angry significant other, then get out. In turns of a parent, there is nothing one can do other than reducing contact. Because being exposed to consistent anger is a form of emotional abuse.

I found this book more relevant for angry people that are self aware of their situation. Those that are angry towards others are what today’s generation consider as toxic.

This book is useful for one off situations and dealing with people who aren’t immediate family or SO partner. If you have a toxic parent, sorry to say it but there is no way out of the situation.

[Lisa Howdin · Rating 1 out of 5]

To be truthful, I’m a little bit angry I wasted my time on this book. Or maybe just I am just irritated, which makes me think this book would be more appropriately titled ‘How to deal with irritated people’.

It seems surprisingly shallow for such an important topic. I was hoping for a little more help with actual phrasing for de-escalation rather than being reminded to ‘pause and breathe’, ‘visualise yourself as someone who remains calm’ or ‘disengage’.

If anyone wants help understanding angry people or help dealing with their own anger, I suggest reading ‘The Anger Fallacy’ which really digs in to why people think they can vent their anger on some and not others and how the negative aspects of anger outweigh what we sometimes think are the benefits.

[William Schram · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't have a TikTok Account. I haven't heard of Dr. Ryan Martin before, but the book sounded fascinating. Everyone feels angry from time to time, and managing that emotion can help people out in the long run.

The book taught me some surprising things. When angry, it doesn't help to exercise, hit something, or scream into a pillow. Instead of providing catharsis, those behaviors prolong the feeling you are trying to mitigate. Not everyone shows their anger the same way. Some people may even cry when they are angry, leading to misunderstandings.

I enjoyed the book. Thanks for reading my review, and see you next time.

[Michael McEwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

So often books with titles like this fail to deliver any real value so I was happy to find such a well researched and informative book this is. It starts with a great primer about anger and then goes into steps to try and help us deal with it. It’s all very sensible and I know from practical experience that the technique’s described will help you if you’re dealing with angry people (and even if you’re angry yourself).

[James R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't think I'm the target audience for this book, as the angry person in my life if my 4-year-old son but I still found this book a useful resource. There was a good balance of insight into what makes people angry and practical strategies to live alongside angry people. Not every section can be applied to a child, as it's obviously written with adults in mind. But I still came away with a lot of useful information and it made me think about my other interactions too.

[Knjiga i Kavica · Rating 3 out of 5]

RECENZIJA
Kako se nositi s ljutnjom drugih ljudi - Ryan Martin
3⭐️
Vrlo korisna knjiga i zaista bih ju preporucila kao dobar uvod i stjecanje osnova za poslovnu komunikaciju ili komunikaciju opcenito.
Daje nam tehnike i obrasce kako postati svjestan sebe i druge osobe. Kako izaci iz "zaćahurenosti" i razmišljati šire.
Autor ne daje neku dubinu, ali je vrlo koristan vodic kako postati svjestan nekih obrazaca koje mi radimo i koji sve okidači i emocije postoje.
#mojapreporuka

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. Clearly presented info, the right balance of background, strategies and relevant examples -for me. Worth a re-read as there is a lot in here. I re-played several sections and chapters of the audiobook to help myself take them in, but another listen to the full audiobook in a few months would also be good.

[DonutKnow · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a valuable resource. My main takeaway is that our personality is made up of the decisions that we make in our daily life. If we feel angry or have to deal with angry people, what matters is the actions that we take in each encounter and knowing ourselves enough to make the best choice that we can in each situation 💪

[Suzi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. Always read a few non fiction self help books a year and this is probably the best one I've read out of all of them. Lots of interesting information backed up with the science behind it and lots of viable solutions provided as well.

Looking forward to reading more by Dr Martin.

[C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful read!

Discusses various situations and how to manage angry or petty people. Spot on along with the direct approach.

Although as a novel it is lacking in structure.

Thank you to the publishers for sending me this in exchange for my honest thoughts.

[Mel Stanton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed this. It was great to see the different sides to anger and understanding behind the different reasons as to why. I found it incredibly informative and useful.
Thank you to netgalley, the author and publisher for an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative, research-based and written in an accessible way. Don’t expect a silver bullet for dealing with angry people, but it is interesting if you like psychology and/or deal with angry people in your life.

[Rashel Sanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent education and advice

I could relate to so much in this book. It made made me see my spouse in a new light. I know the hardest part (implementing the strategies) is yet to come, at least I have some strategies now