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Risking It All: My Student, My Lover, My Story
In the spring of 2000, Heather Ingram, a 30-year-old high school teacher in a small town on the coast of British Columbia, was convicted of the sexual exploitation of a minor for having an affair with a 17-year-old student. A straight A student who graduated at the top of her high school class and won the award for top student in the secondary education program at the University of British Columbia, Ingram went on to become one of the most popular and highly respected teachers at Chatelech Secondary School in Sechelt, B.C. Trapped in an unhappy relationship that was undermining her self-confidence, Ingram found herself more and more drawn to Troy, a rebellious young student in her accounting class. She describes in unstinting detail how what began as a mild flirtation developed into a powerful attraction and then into a relationship of several years’ duration, which had the full support of Troy’s family. Ingram also describes the pain of going public with the affair, the loss of her job and her status in the community,her trial and conviction, and the ten months she spent under house arrest.
276 pages, Hardcover
First published February 9, 2003
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
December 7, 2020
Perhaps Heather Ingram should have waited until she was decades past her misguided love affair and criminal conviction to write this book. The pain and the sense of being wronged are still too fresh. She has not yet acknowledged that encouraging the flirtation of a younger student should be met with adult firmness. The power imbalance was on her side, not on her immature lover's.
Ingram is not the first, and certainly not the last, teacher to become sexually involved with a student. Yes, had they waited five months, the student would have been eighteen and legally old enough to hop into her bed. That does not change the uneven dynamics. And, yes, she was still smarting from the end of her marriage. That does not excuse her brushing aside the reasonable strictures against a high school teacher's having sex with a student. She loved being desired. Her young lover was never, from the first encounter, the man of her dreams. She chose sex over a career and paid a heavy price, but the fact that she had a one-night fling with her lover's friend likely added to the weight of evidence pointing to her being unfit to be a classroom teacher.
From her description, it seems she was a good teacher and that she has become a confidante for former students and other hurting souls in her community. Perhaps one day she will write a sequel to this book, one that owns up to the immaturity of her actions and provides more insight into the damage her crossing the teacher/student line caused to many people around her.
Ingram is not the first, and certainly not the last, teacher to become sexually involved with a student. Yes, had they waited five months, the student would have been eighteen and legally old enough to hop into her bed. That does not change the uneven dynamics. And, yes, she was still smarting from the end of her marriage. That does not excuse her brushing aside the reasonable strictures against a high school teacher's having sex with a student. She loved being desired. Her young lover was never, from the first encounter, the man of her dreams. She chose sex over a career and paid a heavy price, but the fact that she had a one-night fling with her lover's friend likely added to the weight of evidence pointing to her being unfit to be a classroom teacher.
From her description, it seems she was a good teacher and that she has become a confidante for former students and other hurting souls in her community. Perhaps one day she will write a sequel to this book, one that owns up to the immaturity of her actions and provides more insight into the damage her crossing the teacher/student line caused to many people around her.
May 14, 2014
Eh. I went into this hoping for some insight in her decision and the reasons why she decided to cross the line and develop a sexual relationship with her student. She was unhappy in her long term relationship with her boyfriend and then proceeded to cheat on him with someone who showed her some attention. She admits that really, she had nothing in common with her student except for a sexual attraction. She also makes some choices that were even more questionable, resulting in her losing almost everything and everyone she cared about in her life.
The whole read just made me uncomfortable, especially her descriptions of her spending time at parties with her students, trying to experience the teenage years that she missed out on.
The whole read just made me uncomfortable, especially her descriptions of her spending time at parties with her students, trying to experience the teenage years that she missed out on.
August 1, 2018
Stumbled upon this book in the ‘True Crime’ section of the library. Was interested in hearing her perspective.
She covered her history really well and I certainly did empathize with her. I wish I could treat this book in a way where I didn’t judge the narrator for her actions, but I can’t seem to. I got frustrated very frequently…. Why would you invite young, underage STUDENTS to your home? Especially as a so-called ‘responsible adult’.
Reads kind of like a bad romance novel, a little too emotionally flowery. The gist of it was: her and her boyfriend moved somewhere new, she was lonely, it wasn’t a good relationship. Then, the attractive ‘bad boy’ hits on her and she ruins her career over it.
Why did I even read this?
She covered her history really well and I certainly did empathize with her. I wish I could treat this book in a way where I didn’t judge the narrator for her actions, but I can’t seem to. I got frustrated very frequently…. Why would you invite young, underage STUDENTS to your home? Especially as a so-called ‘responsible adult’.
Reads kind of like a bad romance novel, a little too emotionally flowery. The gist of it was: her and her boyfriend moved somewhere new, she was lonely, it wasn’t a good relationship. Then, the attractive ‘bad boy’ hits on her and she ruins her career over it.
Why did I even read this?
May 12, 2017
Ingram isn't the best writer, but her memoir makes up for her lack of fluidity with its insightfulness. I was torn between disgust for her actions and empathy. A controversial book. Recommended.
June 19, 2021
This woman never learnt, thought the whole book she justifies everything she does Followed by this self pitty Word diarrhea that kept me rolling My eyes. She fucked up people's lives especially her husband and lover it's like she is still blaming him but then for the last page she feels betrayed because he cheated on her but their relationship startet like that and Even she cheated on him I don't get it, how it's Bad when someone does it to You Buy not when You do it? Cognitive dissonance as it's best. Intelectually she understand like in a way what she did wrong but she doesn't feel it. Selfish childwoman
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 5, 2024
I read this book a long time ago and wrote the book was good but didn’t write a review. I remember when this was on the news, happened in BC.
May 31, 2008
If you are a teacher, you should read this book.
If you have ever fallen for someone much younger, or thought you could, you should read this book.
If you've ever cheated on your significant other, or only thought of it, you should read this book.
"Death is just around the corner, he whispers, but not morbidly. In my dream this statement sounds like an invitation... Come with me, come experience, come live. Don't wait - it could be gone before you know it."
When I started reading this book, I didn't feel connected to Heather, the autobiographer; her life was too perfect, too safe. But her tale was compelling and I regretted the need to put the book down every time.
When she started falling for one of her high school students, I could easily see it happening to myself in the same situation. Confident, handsome, self-assured young man, flouting authority, a rebel, the bad boy, making her feel beautiful, attractive, desirable... It's a heady feeling. So easy to get lost in, caught up in the moment... And once the line is crossed, then what?
For Heather it was a slippery slope, but perhaps one that led her not only a greater understand of who she was, but also what was *really* important to her. I won't spoil it for anyone wanting to read who doesn't already know the story. Suffice it to say, it was a good book.
If you have ever fallen for someone much younger, or thought you could, you should read this book.
If you've ever cheated on your significant other, or only thought of it, you should read this book.
"Death is just around the corner, he whispers, but not morbidly. In my dream this statement sounds like an invitation... Come with me, come experience, come live. Don't wait - it could be gone before you know it."
When I started reading this book, I didn't feel connected to Heather, the autobiographer; her life was too perfect, too safe. But her tale was compelling and I regretted the need to put the book down every time.
When she started falling for one of her high school students, I could easily see it happening to myself in the same situation. Confident, handsome, self-assured young man, flouting authority, a rebel, the bad boy, making her feel beautiful, attractive, desirable... It's a heady feeling. So easy to get lost in, caught up in the moment... And once the line is crossed, then what?
For Heather it was a slippery slope, but perhaps one that led her not only a greater understand of who she was, but also what was *really* important to her. I won't spoil it for anyone wanting to read who doesn't already know the story. Suffice it to say, it was a good book.
January 9, 2019
Changing my old review
I first read and reviewed this book years ago and left a fairly scathing review. After living another decade of life and reading this two more times, I wanted to change my review. You have to feel bad for Heather. Yes, she made mistakes (her worst was sleeping with "Daniel" after already being involved with Dusty, IMHO). I understand her though, and for a math teacher she writes very well! I think the book is raw and open and while I know her affair with a student was wrong, she's no Mary Kay Letourneau. I read she now works as some sort of counselor with some contact with minors which I thought she'd written that wasn't allowed but I don't see her as a threat to society. It also seems Canada has very different laws from the US when it comes to see offences.
I first read and reviewed this book years ago and left a fairly scathing review. After living another decade of life and reading this two more times, I wanted to change my review. You have to feel bad for Heather. Yes, she made mistakes (her worst was sleeping with "Daniel" after already being involved with Dusty, IMHO). I understand her though, and for a math teacher she writes very well! I think the book is raw and open and while I know her affair with a student was wrong, she's no Mary Kay Letourneau. I read she now works as some sort of counselor with some contact with minors which I thought she'd written that wasn't allowed but I don't see her as a threat to society. It also seems Canada has very different laws from the US when it comes to see offences.
January 19, 2013
Wanted more insight on why this happens! Big disappointment! Though she tries to deliver an honest account of her life, it doesn't seem plausible! I got out of this that she has a hot looking kid in her class that paid her attention while she was second guessing her own adult relationship with her boyfriend. She cheats on and finally dumps boyfriend but why!!! So disappointing that she seemed to know she could lose her job but not realize so inappropriate on many levels! Uhmm teacher/student relation.ship, boundary issues, age/ mature differences, (or lack of as in end found her to be immature) and society expectations! Don't bother reading!
April 11, 2024
When I've read risking it all,I Enjoyed It Because Even though I Have a Crazy Fascination Of Female Teachers Seducing Male Pupils,This Book Tells Her Story About Her Loving Relationship w/ Troy,a 17 year old Male Student & I think Heather E. Ingram was brilliant of writing a book Like that.Every Chapter I've read It makes me think this Book Got me Reading it Til I finish & I wanna Read it Again if I Feel Like it,Simple is That.
May 18, 2015
My interest in this is mainly because it takes place in Canada, where law and culture are unique, especially on the west coast. A little overly exhibitionist emotionally, but without that a book length story would not be possible. The main theme eventually becomes the contrast between codependency in the extreme and personal sovereignty as world views.
February 25, 2013
This was an interesting story. To me it highlights the complexities that can exist in any relation, and which are exacerbated in a relationship not only between a teacher and a student but a 29 year old and a 17 yo.
June 17, 2015
A super-intriguing but super-disturbing account of the author's affair with her 17-year-old student. Bizarre - she didn't see anything wrong with what she was doing. A fascinating read, but made me want to...take a shower or something. Ugh.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews