This is the writing that preceded my book Our Fatal Sincerity: the prayer journals I kept from when I was a senior in high school until the time I completely gave up on Christianity. I've gotta be honest with you here -- I assume a lot of these journal entries won't be that interesting to most people, which is why I'm only releasing them as an ebook for now. My main goal in publishing them is to make them available to anyone who might find the real-time documentation of changing beliefs useful for academic reasons.