Recovered, Not Cured: A Journey Through Schizophrenia

by Richard McLean

This very personal exploration of schizophrenia explores each stage, from the early signs and reactions from friends and family to seeking help and the challenges of recovery. McLean bravely shares his paranoid delusions and offers both a verbal and a visual experience by including digital artwork he created to help objectify and control his impulses and fears. As McLean relates his experiences step by step, issues of sexuality, identity, and drug abuse are discussed, along with the overarching issues relating to mental health and the medical profession. Messages from online posters who either have suffered from mental illness or have cared for the mentally ill are included throughout, adding more perspectives to the author's personal experiences. This powerful combination of words and pictures provides a unique and poignant insight into a hidden, internal world.

Genres: Mental Health, Memoir, Nonfiction, Psychology, Medicine, Mental Illness, Biography Memoir

180 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2003

Reviews

[Sean A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got and read this book after doing an amazon search for firsthand accounts of the mental illness i suffer from: schizophrenia. i was scared for years to do this because hearing from books about the symptoms of schizophrenia is a sobering reminder of how much it can suck for me myself. i also fear that i have relatively 'fringe' views on life and society and that just cus someone suffers from the same disorder as me might not mean that i could really relate to them. yet this proved to be a good move for me, reading this book and it was even inspiring to someday perhaps tell my own personal story since the author seems to find strength in the sharing of it.

for being a 'crazy' person, this is a very lucid and telling version of the author's madness. i liked the art and the descriptions of the authors innermost symptoms, as well as how it related to his life-at-large. it is tender for me reading or hearing about others accounts of their disorder, so while it was harrowing for me to read and relate to this, it was also engaging and worthwhile. i can definitely relate to his version of both shame towards his friends and also not knowing what was happening to him and was interested in what weird version of support they gave him, just listening and not exactly judging him was enough to keep him going in a certain way.

[Simon Cleveland · Rating 4 out of 5]

I stumbled accidentally on this book. Running a search through the online database at a local library branch, the title popped up on the screen. I cross-referenced it with the opinions of other readers from Amazon.com and decided it'd be an interesting overview of this incredible disease - schizophrenia.

I found out after checking the book out that it won the Australian Book of the Year for 2004, which intrigued me further. Having read it, I am also of the opinion that it deserves the award. The book is short and easy to read (in terms of narrative), but it reveals the complexities of the disease. The author narrates his experiences from the moments the symptoms appeared to the medication phase that restored order in his daily existence.

The book is written in snippets of experiences and often the reader is hurled one story after another of the patient's psychosis, paranoia, search for codes or deciphering of codes and secret messages, the delusions of voices the author heard and his reactions to them. In addition to these experiences, he inserts numerous e-mails from other schizophrenia patients he'd received or read on mental illness-online boards, as well as messages from family members of mental patients and how they coped with them. Since he is a graphics designer by trade, he'd added plenty of visual representations of his internal torments.

I recommend this book to all readers interested in learning about the symptoms of schizophrenia, how to seek treatment and how to learn to cope with the disease.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a favourite, but it made for an interesting read. It is quite unique in its treatment of the topic area, in that illustrations help to communicate the development of the disorder and effectively show the discord Schizophrenia yields. The fact that it is written from the authentic perspective of someone with Schizophrenia makes it a book I would recommend to those interested in mental illness, especially those suffering from Schizophrenia. The purpose of raising awareness and the inclusion of helpful resources at the back of the book really drive home the reality of the illness and the notion that this book is not merely a story but a life that has been lived.

[Susi Mirick · Rating 4 out of 5]

very informative...if you or a loved one have been diagnosed or just acting strangely (others telling you) this is a must read very short could probably read in one day or two...it took me awhile since i only read at night in bed and lately have been too tired to stay awake hahaha

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a devastating read for me. I have a young family member with fairly new schizophrenia, and this shows how the schizophrenic brain/mind works. To think that someone could go through this - to think that many thousands of people are going through this every day - devastating!

The author writes clearly. I got a good picture of how he, and others, didn't believe that they were sick and couldn't understand that their delusions weren't real. It's not denial, though there's some of that in there; it's part of the disease. I knew that, but this book brought it home.

I was amazed at how the author managed to keep friends and jobs, and even do international travel, make new friends, and have romances while in the grip of his illness and delusions. It sounds like a lot of people were/are very fond of him. Also, once he started taking his meds, he mostly continued with them; that also makes him unusual. I'm glad that he wrote this book, and would recommend it to anyone interested in what schizophrenia looks like from the inside. But be warned that it might hit too close to home - again, devastating.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful in understanding psychosis and schizophrenia. I appreciate the author's memory, and he wrote this book to help others with mental illness seek help. The reading was tedious at times, yet well worth it. I think this is a description of many with mental illness; from page 136: "I am forever on the verge of finding the secrets of the universe, yet they never manifest."

I love that the author is leading a productive life with few effects from his mental illness. I love that he discusses pros and cons of medication without judgement.

From page 172: "I needed to write this book...although my illness is at a manageable level, I am residually delusional and sometimes read odd meanings into things. Years ago I though people could read my innermost thoughts. In a weird twist, now I've bared them all...I am open...because I believe in honesty as a path to truth...Given that it's past tense, I'm almost glad to have had such a powerful experience, even though I would never wish it on anyone. Playing with what cards we've been dealt has taught us a great deal. I suppose victory is that much sweeter than you have grappled with something.

174: I have achieved a sense of normality and live with the knowledge that a couple of pills a day will keep me slightly lethargic yet 'sane' at the same time. I can live with that.

Contradictory writing: page 166: "People in the grip of mental illness often have to hit rock bottom before any action is taken." Compare with page 168: "We can't afford to wait until a person hits rock bottom before getting help."

Re streetlights: uh oh. I've noticed how they turn off and on when I walk past. I just attribute it to motion settings, and hopefully that is correct!

[Initially NO · Rating 2 out of 5]

Great illustrations! Very slim book and doesn't go the distance enough to stand up with other books by psychiatric survivors, that are change makers. It is a story of a youthful view of how a bisexual artist gets bullied by the society, medicalised, and tries to escape the discrimination, but cannot, so ends up monitoring himself by popping pills on occasions when overwhelmed and isolated.

I had this book recommended to me, by an RMIT tutor. Most books that even slightly criticise the Australian psychiatric regime, don't get published by a mainstream publisher, like this one has. To the book's credit, it is engaging, what discredits it, is that it is compromised. I'd like to see this writer published, without having to fit into psychiatrisms that publishers push. I'd like to read a Richard McLean book, that is only pictures if that's what it takes to really speak without white-gaffa getting in the way. All courage to him and his journey.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

This slim volume is incredibly affecting. Mr. McLean's account of his psychosis and delusions is both frightening and fascinating. In stark language he chronicles how his mind worked – or didn't – while his schizophrenia was worsening, undiagnosed and untreated. He heard cryptic messages in intercom announcements, thought license plates held special meanings for him to decipher, and was convinced the entire world was involved in a conspiracy against him. Voices screamed profanity at him from just outside his window all night long, taunting him and encouraging him to end his life. “Every stimulus harboured a message,” he says. And to his mind at the time, it all made perfect sense.

For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.

[Marisa Damiano · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was interested in learning more about schizophrenia, more specifically the thoughts, and actions, how it affected life. This gave me that insight, it was alot of the same stuff ( messages and paranoia) but I guess that is what schizophrenia is. If you interested in this topic i would totally recommend it.

[Caly · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very intriguing book about what its like to live with paranoid schizophrenia and the recovery process. It is really an eye opening read.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extraordinary journey into the devolving mind of someone with schizophrenia. Incredible sincerity.

[Brook · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an intriguing look into an experience quite different from my own. I appreciated the artistic elements, I think that added a lot. The book was a bit rambling and lacked a coherent structure, but I think that was the author's intent. There were a few typos, and a few times it sounded like he was using the wrong psychological term for a particular phenomenon (e.g. thought withdrawal, blunted affect) but I don't know his experience so can't claim he's necessarily wrong. Interesting, and I hope he's doing well.

[Chris Doelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was not what I expected. I was expecting a clinical look at Schizophrenia. Instead, I got a first-person tale of the onset of schizophrenia and what it was like to be inside that mindset. The gradual onset that McLean describes is scary in that we have all had some of those thought that later grew out of control for him. As I mentioned, it is not a textbook on the condition, but a fascinating story that will help you understand what sufferers are going through and hopefully empathize with them.

[Shermyn Swanson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book provided a lot of insight into what someone going through the process of developing psychosis and paranoid delusions experiences and how the gradual onset of symptoms can impede their ability to recognize their own need for help.

McLean put a great deal of emotion and heart into describing his experience, and I feel lucky for having listened to his story.

The only complaint I have about the structure of this book is how disjointed the inserted message board messages make the flow of the text feel. That said, they add an emotional impact, which I believe is valuable.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for my DSM / Mental Illness class for the PSU social work program (MSW). I didn't really connect with the author/writing, but it's important to see someone's experience through their own eyes, and Schizophrenia is such an unfathomable illness to most of us, that this was valuable to read.

[Sam Carroll · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the insight into the experience of schizophrenia. I recommend this book to my clients sometimes, to help them hear more from someone who has a similar lived experience and can show them that they're not alone.

[Jack Svenson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book to learn about the underlying themes of schizophrenia. I didn’t know a lot about it before the book, but I now know a bit about family dynamics, stigma and delusions. The book is a little bit choppy, but I think it added to the theme of the book.

[Bob Shepherd · Rating 4 out of 5]

RNC was very helpful for me. Much of what the author has dealt with resonates with the life Michael has lived. It also has given me some hope that a better outcome is still out there.

[Vanessa Hunter · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the most honest mental health memoirs I've read - probably due for a re-read. A great window into a world that few understand unless they've experienced it.

[Simon Sweetman · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short, interesting exploration of schizophrenia - a powerful and unflinching personal essay.

[Allisyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

very amazing

[Minervas · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a survivor of schizophrenia, Richard vividly depicted his experience. He hesitated before publishment because his writing has exposed too many secrets and weaknesses of his. But after hearing his friend's ex-partner committed suicide because of the same illness, he finally went for it. I am grateful to Richard, because he offers a precious first-hand description of what it feels like to suffer from hallucinations and delusions.
 
A few takeaways:
• Even in a florid psychotic state, a patient can have a flash of insight. Richard describes a few occasions in which he had "a moment of clarity" and thought something was wrong with his mind. Yet such insight is so fleeting. Also, the insight can co-exist with the delusion, even though the two are so logically incompatible. For example, when the author saw a psychiatrist for the first time, he thought the meeting served two purposes: 1) to seek treatment; 2) to show the conspirers what pain they were causing. 
• When someone is in a psychotic state, it's hard to predict how they interpret their family's interaction with them. For example, Richard's mom suggested he slept in the front room so he could not hear the voices outside the window. Richard said his mom's suggestion reinforced his delusion as it made him thought his mom knew the voices were real. I am sure his mom must have also told him a thousand times she did not hear the voices and the voices were not real. Yet the author cherry-picked the words that fortify his belief.
• Richard has a creative mind and an outgoing personality. As a result, he had many friends. During his Europe tour in a psychotic state, he was still capable of making new friends. On the same trip, he started a romance with a girl who would burst into tears for him after knowing his symptoms. It is surprising how the disease can sometimes selectively contaminate part of the mind and keep the other intact. 
• Richard finally sought help after his friend Steve had enough of his freakish behavior and asked him to move out. Seeing his stuff packed, Richard apologized and feebly admitted he needed to see a doctor so that Steve could let him stay. This scene reminded me of discussions on how to persuade patients to seek treatment. It's always hard to weigh the merits and dangers of pressure and coercion. In the end, "it seems that nothing works for everybody and everything works for somebody."
• Even when Richard has recovered to a state to write a well-versed book, he admits he still suffers from residual symptoms. For example, "even nowadays," he could "do with a few more laughs." He also strategically avoids commercial television and drive-time comedy, in case they strike his nerves.
• As someone who is doing digital art for a living, Richard includes many of his drawings in the book. Some of them were done while he was ill and reflect his state of mind. Been through psychosis, he thinks insanity has no help in art. When he was psychotic, he saw wonderful ideas and themes that are unavailable to any other viewer. But now he thinks they are plain nuts.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Richard McLean is brave enough to tell his story and give others a taste of what it is like to suffer with this debilitating disease. He gives a lot of details that show how it affects his daily life both before and after diagnosis. I like the illustrations he includes of his artwork during the time, and the blog posts by others. I also like how he points out he was having typical symptoms at different points in his story. What is amazing to me is how long he was able to function while the disease was untreated, and so many people did not realize anything was wrong.

"To an outsider, I may have come across as just shy and a bit withdrawn, and I was able to carry out my day-to-day life like anybody else. Nobody knew about the real discord in me."

I also like that he shows how sufferers of schizophrenia can lead happy, complex lives in spite of the disease.

[S.K. Levy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book as research for a story I wrote for my HSC English Ext. 2 subject. I was writing about a character who had schizophrenia and reading this first hand experience was a great help to my character development. It was confronting, upsetting and brutally honest. Something that I would not normally read, as I do not usually like biographies or autobiographies or anything non-fiction to be honest, but I'm glad I picked this one up.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great way to understand Schizophrenia

This book is such a great story of a man’s first episode of Psychosis. While it is not something that you would wish for anyone, this story helps people understand what Schizophrenia is and what it is like to experience. I am so thankful for the writer taking the time to tell his story to help others.

[Shardulvyas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good read. Though it has little less content on recovery.
the main point here is - the patient caught self awareness and awareness of 'something's wrong'.

I think this awareness of normal and not-so-normal mental states helps faster recovery.

[Miguel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A glimpse into another mind

This read was very insightful. Some moments had humor for me but overall it gave me slight anxiety reading his gradual descent into mental illness. Definitely a book to pickup if you want to broaden your perspective on schizophrenia.

[Peggy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although the author doesn't go into a lot of depth.. this book gave a lot of helpful information about mental illness and his process to recovery.

[MO · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting paintings & some poetry by the author

[Dan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well-written but there's not much of a plot.