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The Last Testament: A Memoir by God
Over the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post–Simon Cowell era.
Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament.
As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award–winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith’s. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.
But The Last Testament doesn’t just look back. It also offers God’s perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as:
• Why he loves America
• What he listens for in a good prayer
• Which sports teams he really roots for
• Which celebrities are totally gay
Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It’s the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and “worshipers,” but to anyone who’s ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.
383 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2011
121 people are currently reading
1179 people want to read
About the author
David Javerbaum
21 books27 followersDavid Javerbaum (born David J. Javerbaum) is an American comedy writer, lyricist and librettist. Javerbaum was a former head writer and executive producer of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. His work for the program won 11 Emmy Awards, a Grammy Award, two Peabody Awards and Television Critics Association Awards for both Best Comedy and Best News Show.
Some of his wellknown works are What to Expect When You're Expected: A Fetus's Guide to the First Three Trimesters (2009); The Last Testament: A Memoir by God, (2011); and The Book Of Bieb (2014). He also coauthored the show's textbook parody America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction, which sold 2.6 million copies and won the 2005 Thurber Prize for American Humor. The book spent a year in The New York Times Bestseller List (including 15 at #1) and was named Publishers Weekly's 2004 Book of the Year. He became a consulting producer at the start of 2009 and spent the next 18 months spearheading the writing of the book's sequel, Earth (The Book): A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race, which was released in September 2010; his co-production of its audiobook earned the 2011 Grammy Award for Best Spoken-Word Album.
David Javerbaum is a graduate of NYU's Graduate School of Musical Theater Composition and Harvard University where he wrote for the humor magazine The Harvard Lampoon and served as lyricist and co-bookwriter for two productions of the Hasty Pudding Theatricals. Later he spent three years contributing headlines to The Onion, and is credited as one of the writers for Our Dumb Century.
Some of his wellknown works are What to Expect When You're Expected: A Fetus's Guide to the First Three Trimesters (2009); The Last Testament: A Memoir by God, (2011); and The Book Of Bieb (2014). He also coauthored the show's textbook parody America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction, which sold 2.6 million copies and won the 2005 Thurber Prize for American Humor. The book spent a year in The New York Times Bestseller List (including 15 at #1) and was named Publishers Weekly's 2004 Book of the Year. He became a consulting producer at the start of 2009 and spent the next 18 months spearheading the writing of the book's sequel, Earth (The Book): A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race, which was released in September 2010; his co-production of its audiobook earned the 2011 Grammy Award for Best Spoken-Word Album.
David Javerbaum is a graduate of NYU's Graduate School of Musical Theater Composition and Harvard University where he wrote for the humor magazine The Harvard Lampoon and served as lyricist and co-bookwriter for two productions of the Hasty Pudding Theatricals. Later he spent three years contributing headlines to The Onion, and is credited as one of the writers for Our Dumb Century.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 212 reviews
November 16, 2012
1 In an ironic twist of fate, I bought this book while at the Huntington Book Revue waiting for my own book launch party to start. My son handed it to me and I started leafing through pages, giggling at some of the text… a great way to manage those public speaking nerves.
2 Written entirely in “God-speak” – as my son calls the biblical notations and frequent use of Thou, verily, and forsaketh, The Last Testament manages to be both irreverent and hilarious at the same time. Probably no big deal for God the circle whose center is everywhere and circumference is nowhere, but it sure impressed the hell out of me so I tried to emulate the Lord My God and write my review the same way :)
3 In the Prologue alone, which I read while trying not to wet my pants before I spoke to my own fans for the first time, God – pardon me – I mean, The Lord our God, King of the Universe – describes a fruitful meeting with His agent with these words:
Thy previous books have sold an impressive six billion copies;
They form the basis of three great religions, and five crappy ones.
4 I was hooked! Er, hooketh.
5 I bought the book, took it home, read it and yes, had to change my clothes at least three times because I did verily wet my pants from laughing. I kiddeth thee not. God covers everything from the first couple, Adam and Steve, all the way to armegeddon. Yea, verily, the end of the world really is set for next month. *shrug* But it’s not WHAT God covers, it’s the way He covers it. God, as it turns out, has an unholy sense of humor.
6 Who kneweth?
7 In this ‘telleth all’ God apologizes for the potato famine; He was mad at them.
8 The potatoes, not the Irish.
9 My favorite part of the book? God explains, in His own words, why there is such a lengthy gap in the recorded history of man: He has been overseeing another universe. Hasty to point out He never sought out this relationship and that He was totally happy with ours, nevertheless, the Lord our God, King of THIS Universe, succumbed to a Great Moment of Weakness:
“I Banged it.
And then the whole thing kind of exploded from there; and that is how it all got started.
This thing with the other universe, I mean.”
10 *sigheth* He claims that other universe means nothing to Him but does He agree to stop overseeing it? Smite it? No.
11 As you read this book, you’ll come to one certain conclusion – God is nuts.
12 But nuts in a Pure and Holy way, of course.
13 This book, written by the supremely witty and smart David Javerbaum, an 11-time Emmy Award winner for his work on The Daily Show, revisits everything you learned in Sunday School and pretty much flips it the bird. Yes, I’m certain many people will be offended by this book.
14 If you’re one of them, don’t read it.
15 If you’re not one of them, buy it now. Immediately. It’s quite honestly the funniest thing you may read before the world ends – an end marked by various signs of the apocalypse including electing Sarah Palin as the president of the United States and Facebook recording its 666,666,666th member.
Don’t take my word for it. See what my fellow Book Hungry club members have to say about The Last Testament. Here’s Abby’s. And here’s Karla’s.
Religion and faith are so often taboo-topics. Would you find this book funny or blasphemous? Would you read this book? Why or why not?
2 Written entirely in “God-speak” – as my son calls the biblical notations and frequent use of Thou, verily, and forsaketh, The Last Testament manages to be both irreverent and hilarious at the same time. Probably no big deal for God the circle whose center is everywhere and circumference is nowhere, but it sure impressed the hell out of me so I tried to emulate the Lord My God and write my review the same way :)
3 In the Prologue alone, which I read while trying not to wet my pants before I spoke to my own fans for the first time, God – pardon me – I mean, The Lord our God, King of the Universe – describes a fruitful meeting with His agent with these words:
Thy previous books have sold an impressive six billion copies;
They form the basis of three great religions, and five crappy ones.
4 I was hooked! Er, hooketh.
5 I bought the book, took it home, read it and yes, had to change my clothes at least three times because I did verily wet my pants from laughing. I kiddeth thee not. God covers everything from the first couple, Adam and Steve, all the way to armegeddon. Yea, verily, the end of the world really is set for next month. *shrug* But it’s not WHAT God covers, it’s the way He covers it. God, as it turns out, has an unholy sense of humor.
6 Who kneweth?
7 In this ‘telleth all’ God apologizes for the potato famine; He was mad at them.
8 The potatoes, not the Irish.
9 My favorite part of the book? God explains, in His own words, why there is such a lengthy gap in the recorded history of man: He has been overseeing another universe. Hasty to point out He never sought out this relationship and that He was totally happy with ours, nevertheless, the Lord our God, King of THIS Universe, succumbed to a Great Moment of Weakness:
“I Banged it.
And then the whole thing kind of exploded from there; and that is how it all got started.
This thing with the other universe, I mean.”
10 *sigheth* He claims that other universe means nothing to Him but does He agree to stop overseeing it? Smite it? No.
11 As you read this book, you’ll come to one certain conclusion – God is nuts.
12 But nuts in a Pure and Holy way, of course.
13 This book, written by the supremely witty and smart David Javerbaum, an 11-time Emmy Award winner for his work on The Daily Show, revisits everything you learned in Sunday School and pretty much flips it the bird. Yes, I’m certain many people will be offended by this book.
14 If you’re one of them, don’t read it.
15 If you’re not one of them, buy it now. Immediately. It’s quite honestly the funniest thing you may read before the world ends – an end marked by various signs of the apocalypse including electing Sarah Palin as the president of the United States and Facebook recording its 666,666,666th member.
Don’t take my word for it. See what my fellow Book Hungry club members have to say about The Last Testament. Here’s Abby’s. And here’s Karla’s.
Religion and faith are so often taboo-topics. Would you find this book funny or blasphemous? Would you read this book? Why or why not?
April 18, 2020
short audiobook that made me LOL several times.
November 5, 2011
You know about God's credentials, so I'll just tell you about David Javerbaum. He has a masters degree in irreverence after being a head writer and executive producer for The Daily Show, the co-author of "America, The Book" and "Earth: The Book" as well as being the lone author of "What to Expect When You Are Expected". He also wrote the songs for "A Colbert Christmas" and the opening number for the 2011 Tony Awards, "Broadway, It's Not Just for Gays Anymore" performed by Neil Patrick Harris. Now that you know all that, just imagine what he's done with The Bible and The Koran, among other religious books, scrolls, teachings, rumors and gossip.
With the help of Javerbaum, we get to meet the "real" God, at home with His family (He's got a wife, and three kids, one of which you probably have heard about), the behind the scenes from everything from the creation of the world to the truth about who got on the ark and why, to the processing of prayers, to His numerous admitted infidelities. He's a big fan of the Mayan culture, so expect some major doings leading up to 12-22-12 (there is a day to day listing beginning on 1-1-12), with the finale being determined with how well this new book of His sells. This book even has recipes in it (because His publisher told Him cookbooks are hot right now), though some of the ingredients will be a bit of a challenge to find (but then, so are Martha Stewart's).
This is a fun, occasionally bawdy, irreverent (which would be spelled in neon capital letters with roving search lights flashing around it if only my computer was able to do so), and a perfect addition to any Stewart/Colbert/Comedy Central fans coffee table, bureau stack, or "reading room" basket.
With the help of Javerbaum, we get to meet the "real" God, at home with His family (He's got a wife, and three kids, one of which you probably have heard about), the behind the scenes from everything from the creation of the world to the truth about who got on the ark and why, to the processing of prayers, to His numerous admitted infidelities. He's a big fan of the Mayan culture, so expect some major doings leading up to 12-22-12 (there is a day to day listing beginning on 1-1-12), with the finale being determined with how well this new book of His sells. This book even has recipes in it (because His publisher told Him cookbooks are hot right now), though some of the ingredients will be a bit of a challenge to find (but then, so are Martha Stewart's).
This is a fun, occasionally bawdy, irreverent (which would be spelled in neon capital letters with roving search lights flashing around it if only my computer was able to do so), and a perfect addition to any Stewart/Colbert/Comedy Central fans coffee table, bureau stack, or "reading room" basket.
December 5, 2013
God knows David Javerbaum is blessed with a good sense of humor. He was a head writer and executive producer for “The Daily Show,” and in The Last Testament (Simon & Schuster, $23.99), he tries to do for monotheism what Jon Stewart does for politics. Presented as “A Memoir by God,” the book comes divided into chapters and numbered verses like the Bible, if the Bible were narrated by Mel Brooks on crack-laced manna. It’s a bawdy circus of theological vaudeville — Shadrach, Meshach and To-bed-we-go! — determined to sacrifice every sacred cow on the altar of farce. This Lord is a Lord hungry for laughs but wracked by insecurities, troubled by “wrath-management issues.” “Like Garbo,” He says, “I had begun in silence, made the transition to talking, and now, increasingly, just wanted to be left alone.”
But with a little encouragement from His agent, He has no trouble “creating a telleth-all.” “I never give myself anything I cannot handle,” He says in one of many clever turns of phrase. As Javerbaum runs through a manic revision of the Old and New Testaments, a great multitude of revelations pours forth, many sharpened to skewer fundamentalist Christians for their supposed anti-intellectualism and homophobia. The first residents of the Garden of Eden, for instance, were Adam and Steve. “In the morning,” God says, “they grew embarrassed, and cloaked themselves in fig leaves; these constituting the entirety of their fall collection.” Kicked out of the Garden, they supported themselves “through foraging and occasional freelance work.” The alpha and the omega of Javerbaum’s comedy are deadpan silliness and startlingly graphic sexual gags, which no fig leaf could dress up for a family newspaper.
God uses “The Last Testament” as an opportunity to correct a number of misinterpretations in the Bible. Noah, for instance, wasn’t instructed to take two of “every” animal, but to take two of “any” animal. “I recommended dogs,” He says, “but I left the choice to Noah; for I have never been a cat God.” And Jesus — “a classic middle child” — was born in a “manger” because somebody misunderstood His instructions to contact the “manager.” Thou shalt laugh no matter how strained these jokes are.
A chapter on modern-day celebrities, “Glossy Ones,” is full of insider Hollywood “godsip”: “I have seen Paris Hilton lost in thought; it takes but one.” A brief selection of “Godlibs” makes a divine party game. And it’s fun to catch up on all God’s faves: “Second favorite painting: Campbell’s Soup Cans, by Andy Warhol. So much soup!”
“I could go on and on,” God says. And you get the feeling He really could, being the Infinite One and all, but that’s no reason He should. Sensitive types might feel uncomfortable when Javerbaum mocks Jesus on the cross, portrays Moses as a pothead or refers to Muhammad as a pedophile, but the real offense here isn’t blasphemy so much as dullness. Chapter after chapter, there’s a lot of wandering in the comic desert, waiting for a good joke to descend from on-high. Creating 12 funny minutes every night for Jon Stewart is an answer to prayer, and Javerbaum’s wit is particularly well-suited for 140 characters on Twitter (@thetweetofgod), but writing almost 400 pages of consistently hilarious one-liners would be a miracle even beyond the powers of you know Who.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/enterta...
But with a little encouragement from His agent, He has no trouble “creating a telleth-all.” “I never give myself anything I cannot handle,” He says in one of many clever turns of phrase. As Javerbaum runs through a manic revision of the Old and New Testaments, a great multitude of revelations pours forth, many sharpened to skewer fundamentalist Christians for their supposed anti-intellectualism and homophobia. The first residents of the Garden of Eden, for instance, were Adam and Steve. “In the morning,” God says, “they grew embarrassed, and cloaked themselves in fig leaves; these constituting the entirety of their fall collection.” Kicked out of the Garden, they supported themselves “through foraging and occasional freelance work.” The alpha and the omega of Javerbaum’s comedy are deadpan silliness and startlingly graphic sexual gags, which no fig leaf could dress up for a family newspaper.
God uses “The Last Testament” as an opportunity to correct a number of misinterpretations in the Bible. Noah, for instance, wasn’t instructed to take two of “every” animal, but to take two of “any” animal. “I recommended dogs,” He says, “but I left the choice to Noah; for I have never been a cat God.” And Jesus — “a classic middle child” — was born in a “manger” because somebody misunderstood His instructions to contact the “manager.” Thou shalt laugh no matter how strained these jokes are.
A chapter on modern-day celebrities, “Glossy Ones,” is full of insider Hollywood “godsip”: “I have seen Paris Hilton lost in thought; it takes but one.” A brief selection of “Godlibs” makes a divine party game. And it’s fun to catch up on all God’s faves: “Second favorite painting: Campbell’s Soup Cans, by Andy Warhol. So much soup!”
“I could go on and on,” God says. And you get the feeling He really could, being the Infinite One and all, but that’s no reason He should. Sensitive types might feel uncomfortable when Javerbaum mocks Jesus on the cross, portrays Moses as a pothead or refers to Muhammad as a pedophile, but the real offense here isn’t blasphemy so much as dullness. Chapter after chapter, there’s a lot of wandering in the comic desert, waiting for a good joke to descend from on-high. Creating 12 funny minutes every night for Jon Stewart is an answer to prayer, and Javerbaum’s wit is particularly well-suited for 140 characters on Twitter (@thetweetofgod), but writing almost 400 pages of consistently hilarious one-liners would be a miracle even beyond the powers of you know Who.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/enterta...
January 14, 2012
At last Yahweh breaks his long silence and provides long-suffering humanity with his Final Testament, a Testament which links all the great religions and some of the others into a more comprehensive whole. Past misconceptions are addressed, and in many cases the real story behind some of the Bible's more controversial passages are provided. God himself comes clean: while admittedly he is Lord of All, Omnipotent, etc. etc. he openly admits that he is not, and has never claimed to be Perfect — there have been some mistakes, and he acknowledges some of them. He also reveals how sometimes he even doubted his existence, and even admits that sometimes he questions his own sanity. But now, with his Last Testament, he has decided that it is time to clear up exactly what happened, more or less from the beginning. He reveals, for example, that the first human couple were, indeed, Adam and Steve.
He also reveals more detail about his family: his wife Ruth, and their three children Zach (the eldest, who so loved sneaking up on the angels and shouting 'Boo!' that Gabriel gave him the nickname Holy Ghost or H.G. for short) then came Jesus (a classic middle child), and the youngest is the adorable Kathy. There is much, much joy to be gained from the many revelations contained throughout the book.
God also includes a chapter on the End Times — a rather sombre ending the details of which he really would have preferred to keep to himself, but then he heard about the Mayan prophecy, and the more he pondered on it, the more he thought it might be appropriate to make use of their end-time date (he admits he has always had a soft spot for the Maya, and for the passion they had (especially in their enthusiasm for human sacrifices)). He has decided that he might be interested in a visit to Armageddon in December 2012, and lets us in on some of the signs that he may be preparing for the final countdown. There is a particularly disturbing entry for 3 April 2012: "North Korea's ageing dictator Kim Jong Il formally transfers all governmental power to the little man in his head who is crazy." This, of course, could simply be a typo. Or it could simply be an error (based on the fact that God himself has admitted that he isn't perfect). Or perhaps even more disturbing, it could be a truly awful sign that Kin Jong Il may be raised from the dead especially for the coming Apocalypse… At one stage I thought this might warrant my rating this book less than five stars — but really, could one ever rate a book by God at anything less than the full five stars? (All of you who rated this less, watch your backs!)
And there is a hope left: if enough people buy this book, God might have to postpone the Apocalypse after all and consider issuing a second edition. You know what you have to do!
He also reveals more detail about his family: his wife Ruth, and their three children Zach (the eldest, who so loved sneaking up on the angels and shouting 'Boo!' that Gabriel gave him the nickname Holy Ghost or H.G. for short) then came Jesus (a classic middle child), and the youngest is the adorable Kathy. There is much, much joy to be gained from the many revelations contained throughout the book.
God also includes a chapter on the End Times — a rather sombre ending the details of which he really would have preferred to keep to himself, but then he heard about the Mayan prophecy, and the more he pondered on it, the more he thought it might be appropriate to make use of their end-time date (he admits he has always had a soft spot for the Maya, and for the passion they had (especially in their enthusiasm for human sacrifices)). He has decided that he might be interested in a visit to Armageddon in December 2012, and lets us in on some of the signs that he may be preparing for the final countdown. There is a particularly disturbing entry for 3 April 2012: "North Korea's ageing dictator Kim Jong Il formally transfers all governmental power to the little man in his head who is crazy." This, of course, could simply be a typo. Or it could simply be an error (based on the fact that God himself has admitted that he isn't perfect). Or perhaps even more disturbing, it could be a truly awful sign that Kin Jong Il may be raised from the dead especially for the coming Apocalypse… At one stage I thought this might warrant my rating this book less than five stars — but really, could one ever rate a book by God at anything less than the full five stars? (All of you who rated this less, watch your backs!)
And there is a hope left: if enough people buy this book, God might have to postpone the Apocalypse after all and consider issuing a second edition. You know what you have to do!
January 3, 2013
Funny, but not the best of its kind. I giggled once or twice, but I get tired of all the “thy’s” and “shall’s” and “-eth’s” real fast. I realize that David Javerbaum can’t really be criticized for my lazy reading habits, so that’s not necessarily a valid argument against his work.
The book was hardly as blasphemous as I was anticipating, though, and that I can definitely blame on the author. I mean, come on David. You get to be God for 364 pages and you’re making worn out Adam-and-Steve jokes? No, no, no. If you’re gonna be a heretic, you might as well go all out. Do blasphemy right!
All I can say is this: When I write my own version of The Last Testament as Goddess, Queen of the Universe, we are going to sort some serious misinterpreted, misguided, made-the-fuck-up stuff out. Measly human beings, prepare yourselves for The Day of Reckoning. It will be funny, it will be blasphemous, and it will be all kinds of feminist.
The book was hardly as blasphemous as I was anticipating, though, and that I can definitely blame on the author. I mean, come on David. You get to be God for 364 pages and you’re making worn out Adam-and-Steve jokes? No, no, no. If you’re gonna be a heretic, you might as well go all out. Do blasphemy right!
All I can say is this: When I write my own version of The Last Testament as Goddess, Queen of the Universe, we are going to sort some serious misinterpreted, misguided, made-the-fuck-up stuff out. Measly human beings, prepare yourselves for The Day of Reckoning. It will be funny, it will be blasphemous, and it will be all kinds of feminist.
September 7, 2011
Funny and guaranteed to offend Christians, Jews and Muslims alike. The length causes the joke to run a bit thin, though.
June 1, 2020
Listened to an abridged Audible freebie version of this, and it was absolutely hysterical! I'm definitely going to look out for the actual book!
March 3, 2012
This book is hilarious; I highly recommend it if you have a sense of humor and/or love to laugh and/or don't take religion too seriously. Mostly because I don't really know who David Javerbaum is, and a little bit because I'm not really religious, and a lot because I have a wild imagination and prefer being silly to being serious, but it was easy to hear God dictating this book. It doesn't help that the cover and author photo were hilarious enough to make me laugh out loud in the library. Thankfully, God understood and kept me from being shushed.
I kept a pen and piece of paper with me while reading this book; notes needed to be made on the best quotes. Problem is, there are way too many "best quotes."
- Facts, chapter 3, verses 18-19: Their demise was a boon for civilization, but it is with cities as it is with people: dying young and mysteriously can turn any idiot into a legend. (Yea, it was the only half-intelligent thing Jim Morrison ever did in his life.)
- The Gospel According to Dad, chapter 11, verses 22-24: Yea, there is only one widely held belief about the devil that is a misconception; and even that only partially so. The number is the devil is not 666. That is only his area code; his full number is unlisted.
- The Gospel According to Dad, chapter 15 (The Sayings of Jesus), verse 7: Man shall not live by bread alone. Yet at restaurants it is easy to forget this and end up full before the appetizer.
- Effusions, chapter 3, verse 11: Second-favorite painting: Campbell's Soup Cans, by Andy Warhol. So much soup!
I kept a pen and piece of paper with me while reading this book; notes needed to be made on the best quotes. Problem is, there are way too many "best quotes."
- Facts, chapter 3, verses 18-19: Their demise was a boon for civilization, but it is with cities as it is with people: dying young and mysteriously can turn any idiot into a legend. (Yea, it was the only half-intelligent thing Jim Morrison ever did in his life.)
- The Gospel According to Dad, chapter 11, verses 22-24: Yea, there is only one widely held belief about the devil that is a misconception; and even that only partially so. The number is the devil is not 666. That is only his area code; his full number is unlisted.
- The Gospel According to Dad, chapter 15 (The Sayings of Jesus), verse 7: Man shall not live by bread alone. Yet at restaurants it is easy to forget this and end up full before the appetizer.
- Effusions, chapter 3, verse 11: Second-favorite painting: Campbell's Soup Cans, by Andy Warhol. So much soup!
August 19, 2023
I probably would’ve loved this when I bought it back in 2017, but it’s like, aggressively millennial to me and the humor just doesn’t work for me personally
May 6, 2012
The Last Testament is basically religious satire. God has broken his 1400-year silence and has written a third testament, because, as he says, the best books come in trilogies. He sets a few things straight about his previous books, dishes on celebrity culture, and makes predictions for the years to come.
This book is probably not for those of you who are deeply religious or easily offended, but then, you probably knew that from the title. I read it through Audible, where it was read by the author… er… the interpreter of God's written work… or something. . He has a nice reading voice, and the presentation was wonderful.
I saw a review on goodreads that suggests that the book should probably not have been read cover to cover, which is pretty much what I did, and I had the same experience as the other reviewer did. I thought the beginning was hilarious, but after a while, it just kind of… keeps going. And going. I also felt a little like God was trying too hard to be funny. He's a little like somebody's uncle at a family reunion, telling a few jokes over and over thinking they're much more hilarious than they are.
All that said, when Javerbaum is on his game, he does quite well. I certainly agree with much of what he has to say about organized religion, so I was the right audience for this book. I also follow his twitter account, TheTweetOfGod, and I think he's at his best when he sticks to the short, 140-character format.
I certainly recommend this book if you like religious satire, and the audible book was a fun listening experience.
This book is probably not for those of you who are deeply religious or easily offended, but then, you probably knew that from the title. I read it through Audible, where it was read by the author… er… the interpreter of God's written work… or something. . He has a nice reading voice, and the presentation was wonderful.
I saw a review on goodreads that suggests that the book should probably not have been read cover to cover, which is pretty much what I did, and I had the same experience as the other reviewer did. I thought the beginning was hilarious, but after a while, it just kind of… keeps going. And going. I also felt a little like God was trying too hard to be funny. He's a little like somebody's uncle at a family reunion, telling a few jokes over and over thinking they're much more hilarious than they are.
All that said, when Javerbaum is on his game, he does quite well. I certainly agree with much of what he has to say about organized religion, so I was the right audience for this book. I also follow his twitter account, TheTweetOfGod, and I think he's at his best when he sticks to the short, 140-character format.
I certainly recommend this book if you like religious satire, and the audible book was a fun listening experience.
August 7, 2014
This is a tell-all book from God and it is absolutely dripping with satire. I loved it but I have a twisted sense of humore. This book is not for everyone to say the least. If you are deeply religious or easily offended then don't pick up this book. It is guaranteed to offend Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike and plays no favorites.
God decides to write a tell all book to not only correct stories in the bible that people got wrong but also to fill in the blanks as to how he has spent life. We hear about his marriage to Ruth and the raising of their three children as well as stories such as Adam and Steve and how Moses really talked.
It was not a book that I could sit down and read in one sitting. A little of it went a long way and the monologue got a bit old after a while. I admit it, I skimmed the last part. However, it is one that I thought humorous instead of offensive as I am not deeply religious. If you are easily offended by religious satire then do not pick this one up.
God decides to write a tell all book to not only correct stories in the bible that people got wrong but also to fill in the blanks as to how he has spent life. We hear about his marriage to Ruth and the raising of their three children as well as stories such as Adam and Steve and how Moses really talked.
It was not a book that I could sit down and read in one sitting. A little of it went a long way and the monologue got a bit old after a while. I admit it, I skimmed the last part. However, it is one that I thought humorous instead of offensive as I am not deeply religious. If you are easily offended by religious satire then do not pick this one up.
March 11, 2012
Mainly, this is just very silly. I almost hurt myself laughing at it a couple of times, though, so it must be OK.
It has a fill-in-the-blank section ("Godlibs"), which is a nice bonus.
And occasionally there are bits of truth, like the beginning of the first Chapter of Sell-A-Thonians:
It has a fill-in-the-blank section ("Godlibs"), which is a nice bonus.
And occasionally there are bits of truth, like the beginning of the first Chapter of Sell-A-Thonians:
(1) The subject of who does and does not receive my blessing puts me in mind of a certain nation whose money claims to trust me.
(2) And yet every time I hear "God Bless America," I get angry.
(3) It is not that I dislike the tune; to the contrary, it is far more pleasant than America's national anthem -- that shambling melody to which is set the fetishistic tale of the nocturnal survival of a magical pole-cloth.
(4) No, my objections to the song and the saying are not artistic, but personal; for Americans asking me for more blessings is like Tahitians asking me for sunnier days.
June 14, 2012
This is a catholic-man's nightmare. Luckily, I don't believe in any deity of any sort and find this absolutely hilarious. There's really nothing that compares to the amount of sarcasm and irony here. Split, cleverly, into chapters such as "Againesis" (Again-esis), "Revelation" (not plural), and Smitus (the chapter on natural disasters), the collection of passages is basically God's revision on the original bible, which he should have never trusted man to write. Poking fun at so many modern stereotypes and beliefs, the book is truly a riot. (i.e "Now the snake was more closeted than any animal in the Garden; literally on the downlow; for though he oft hissed his desire to mate with comely serpentesses, yet he lisped, and fretted over his skin care, and could not have looked more phallic if he'd had balls for a rattle") If you just laughed, read it...just don't talk about it with your religious friends.
May 13, 2012
This is the kind of book I'm always a little nervous about, since it very often requires me to put away my politics, which, to some degree I can do, but then sometimes, I can't. And I always wonder, about authors who write books like this, and what sort of deals you have to make with God to get away with the things you write, so I always end up reading them anyway, out of a morbid curiousity. Having said that, I liked this. Some of the jokes were a little off-colour, but most of them were about faith itself, which is utterly ridiculous when looked at in the right light. Maybe it's the Canadian in me, but I do love a God who can make fun of His own foibles.
It's genuinely funny and relatively harmless, with a few, "I can't believe you just said that." moments. Most of those are the good kind.
It's genuinely funny and relatively harmless, with a few, "I can't believe you just said that." moments. Most of those are the good kind.
July 10, 2012
There are other more appreciative reviews here
so pass on if that's what you'd prefer.
For me this was a joke that lasted for 364 pages.
Can such a joke be sustained ?
And ANY joke of that length just cannot be ALL funny.
So it was.
Clever parts. Funny parts. UN-funny parts. Tedious parts. etc.etc.etc.
as one would expect.
Unfortunately I approached the read with little enthusiasm.
Happily I did find much to amuse.
GOD is vindicated.
He is just so much more VARIED than the Bible
or churches have ever let on.
He has an exceptionally Human Face.
I NEVER really read this book.
I just dipped here and there, some good and some not.
THIS IS WRITTEN JUST FOR MY RECORDS.
so pass on if that's what you'd prefer.
For me this was a joke that lasted for 364 pages.
Can such a joke be sustained ?
And ANY joke of that length just cannot be ALL funny.
So it was.
Clever parts. Funny parts. UN-funny parts. Tedious parts. etc.etc.etc.
as one would expect.
Unfortunately I approached the read with little enthusiasm.
Happily I did find much to amuse.
GOD is vindicated.
He is just so much more VARIED than the Bible
or churches have ever let on.
He has an exceptionally Human Face.
I NEVER really read this book.
I just dipped here and there, some good and some not.
THIS IS WRITTEN JUST FOR MY RECORDS.
October 31, 2015
If this book had ended at half the length, I would give it five stars - the opening of this book is funnier than anything I have read in recent memory. The book just begins to wear thin, as the author attempts to cover every faith and every topic. I'm sure the show (and reviews of the show are the reason I bought this book) edits this material down to the essentials. It's hilarious, and then it's less than hilarious, and eventually it's a chore to finish reading. Still, I would reread the hilarious first third of this book again and again, and recommend it to people with the caveat that it's okay to stop reading when it stops being funny.
And, perhaps obviously, this book isn't for the religious. Not a problem for me.
And, perhaps obviously, this book isn't for the religious. Not a problem for me.
April 4, 2016
gott hat, das wird beim lesen seiner erinnerungen deutlich, in den letzten 2000 jahren nur sehr wenig dazugelernt. am beginn des doch flüssiger lesbaren buches (im vergleich mit seinem "alten testament") löst er ein paar halbe rätsel so lala auf, was teilweise die lage entschärft.
leider aber wird das buch dann auch rasch ziemlich lahm und gott verliert sich in selbstspiegelungen und hemmungslos langweiligen geschichterln (das alte lied mit seinen werken...). die offenbarung am ende ist am schwächsten. ich zwang mich durch, weil ich wenigstens dieses werk aus seiner feder zur gänze gelesen haben wollte (sein opus 1 ist ja wirklich vollkommen unlesbar).
als fazit: macht streckenweise spaß (zwei sterne).
ich wünsche dem buch mehr erfolg als dem vorgänger (ein stern).
leider aber wird das buch dann auch rasch ziemlich lahm und gott verliert sich in selbstspiegelungen und hemmungslos langweiligen geschichterln (das alte lied mit seinen werken...). die offenbarung am ende ist am schwächsten. ich zwang mich durch, weil ich wenigstens dieses werk aus seiner feder zur gänze gelesen haben wollte (sein opus 1 ist ja wirklich vollkommen unlesbar).
als fazit: macht streckenweise spaß (zwei sterne).
ich wünsche dem buch mehr erfolg als dem vorgänger (ein stern).
May 4, 2012
I have never laughed so hard and so often at any other book. It so clearly crystallises and ridicules the nonsense of theistic religions. The author doesn't let Buddhists and atheists off the hook either.
There are various approaches to exposing the farcical nature of religion. There's the earnest, somewhat shrill and preachy "The God Delusion", which is a book I very much enjoy, but I think in some ways "The last Testament" does it better, through humour.
I've no doubt this is a book I will reread on a number of occasions. Truly brilliant, very clever.
There are various approaches to exposing the farcical nature of religion. There's the earnest, somewhat shrill and preachy "The God Delusion", which is a book I very much enjoy, but I think in some ways "The last Testament" does it better, through humour.
I've no doubt this is a book I will reread on a number of occasions. Truly brilliant, very clever.
November 6, 2013
Verily, I enjoyed reading this book. For, lo, it was written in a mirthful manner appropriate for its subject. At times the schtick becameth a bit much, and some portions weren't all that mirthful, but the gems easily outweigheth those.
September 3, 2015
This was hilarious satire. Would probably be offensive to anyone religious. I had several laugh out loud moments. Tip: skip the part at the end that's like a side-by-side translation. Boring! But up until that point, it was witty and fun.
May 7, 2012
One of the funniest books I have read in ages. Irreverent as hell, of course, but full of laughs.
The verse at Againesis 19:4 alone makes this a brilliant book.
The verse at Againesis 19:4 alone makes this a brilliant book.
February 16, 2018
I don‘t have a problem with making fun of religion or aspects of it as long as it isn‘t extreme or branches out into other aspects of disrespect that hurt actual groups but unfortunately that was the case at times. For example, I loved “Le tout nouveau Testament ”, it was somewhat inclusive and at the very least didn‘t put people and groups down while the punchline is that god is terribly cruel, lazy and is done with just about everything. Javerbaum‘s god is an angry one too but offensive as well. His god is also faulty, his god doesn‘t know what he‘s doing sometimes, no idea to be precise, got some trouble and is stressed sometimes. It‘s good, that‘s nice, very human but nice.
Regarding the actual content.. too forced, lazy, just negating or changing biblical stories and making up weird things, doesn’t seem too creative. Sure, this is supposed to be a retelling of the bible as it “really” happened, but seriously? Rewriting every aspect of a story that‘s told, making it sound even more ridiculous than it already does? Boring. The „tea“? Even more boring.
Certainly not a book you have to read, it took me forever to finish because I just didn’t want to go on.
Regarding the actual content.. too forced, lazy, just negating or changing biblical stories and making up weird things, doesn’t seem too creative. Sure, this is supposed to be a retelling of the bible as it “really” happened, but seriously? Rewriting every aspect of a story that‘s told, making it sound even more ridiculous than it already does? Boring. The „tea“? Even more boring.
Certainly not a book you have to read, it took me forever to finish because I just didn’t want to go on.
October 20, 2019
I''ve always been someone that takes religion with a grain of salt, and am perfectly willing to laugh at it. This is the perfect book for that subject. THE LAST TESTAMENT reads like a perfect extension of the Bible, with similar language and tone, and even section of text labeled ala John 3:16. However, this is clearly designed to add to the humor, as 'God' takes us through the great moments of existence. This includes Adam and Steve (their names pre-apple), Moses (who was more akin to Charles Manson then Charlton Heston), Jesus (God's middle child), and even Mohammed (who apparently had a birthmark).
Throughout, the story presents a version of God moves between many perceptions. He is accepting of gays, but mocks evolution. He is all powerful, but constantly needs attention. He is the Lord, but was still prone to a midlife crisis. All in all, this is a hilarious send up of religion that still has some bits of wisdom in it. Not for the strongly religious, but a good laugh for everyone else.
Throughout, the story presents a version of God moves between many perceptions. He is accepting of gays, but mocks evolution. He is all powerful, but constantly needs attention. He is the Lord, but was still prone to a midlife crisis. All in all, this is a hilarious send up of religion that still has some bits of wisdom in it. Not for the strongly religious, but a good laugh for everyone else.
March 21, 2020
Againesis 19:4
I was a good ol’ Catholic girl growing up, and now I’m more of a person that appreciates the concept of religion more than the actual beliefs. With that said, this shit is hilarious. I’m probably the perfect demographic for this text, as I know about the original Bible verses and stories and am always up for a good parody.
God, in his first book in over 1400 years, writes a mean sequel. As dictated to David Javerbaum, he discusses his own perspective on the stories and world events that made him famous.
This is only the beginning of quarantine and I’m reading a Bible parody. Anyway, I liked it.
I was a good ol’ Catholic girl growing up, and now I’m more of a person that appreciates the concept of religion more than the actual beliefs. With that said, this shit is hilarious. I’m probably the perfect demographic for this text, as I know about the original Bible verses and stories and am always up for a good parody.
God, in his first book in over 1400 years, writes a mean sequel. As dictated to David Javerbaum, he discusses his own perspective on the stories and world events that made him famous.
This is only the beginning of quarantine and I’m reading a Bible parody. Anyway, I liked it.
May 25, 2025
Whooo boy. Is this going to piss off the faithful.
It’s an irreverent and hysterically funny play about God, starring God and his angels Gabriel and Michael. God tries to set the record straight for humanity by telling them where they went wrong in interpreting the Bible, and he issues new Commandments to bring everyone up to speed. With remarkable candor he tells the audience the truth about himself-discomfiting facts straight from the Bible that we tended to spin a bit too much.
For any actor, this is going to be one hell of a big job, because it’s largely a monologue by God.
One of our local theaters is going to be doing at this December, and I cannot wait to see it.
It’s an irreverent and hysterically funny play about God, starring God and his angels Gabriel and Michael. God tries to set the record straight for humanity by telling them where they went wrong in interpreting the Bible, and he issues new Commandments to bring everyone up to speed. With remarkable candor he tells the audience the truth about himself-discomfiting facts straight from the Bible that we tended to spin a bit too much.
For any actor, this is going to be one hell of a big job, because it’s largely a monologue by God.
One of our local theaters is going to be doing at this December, and I cannot wait to see it.
March 25, 2019
At the beginning it was very funny but then it's gotten boring (especially the 3 final chapters) and his way of explaining things is sort of complicated to me.
I definitely can't criticize the book based on my limited English knowledge, but this is my personal opinion.
Smart, funny, sarcastic, can be super offensive to people who are religious.
Can not be used as a reference to learn about religion but to me this book is what religion is all about, a bunch of stories transferred and changed through the centuries for simple minds to believe and follow and live by till they die.
I definitely can't criticize the book based on my limited English knowledge, but this is my personal opinion.
Smart, funny, sarcastic, can be super offensive to people who are religious.
Can not be used as a reference to learn about religion but to me this book is what religion is all about, a bunch of stories transferred and changed through the centuries for simple minds to believe and follow and live by till they die.
October 13, 2025
I think if I was more familiar with the Bible, this would have been a lot more funny. if anything this book gave me the realization that I really don't know much about the Bible, its characters, or even how they relate to the big 3 religions that lean on it. In a way, I was worried that I'd read something satirical and actually believe that's how it went down. If Javerbaum had given the true synopsis of each biblical story and then gave God's take on it, I would have enjoyed it more. Otherwise I felt like a six year old watching Roger Rabbit and wondering why the adults were laughing.
October 4, 2018
Thank you all for taking the time to read My book.
It was a pleasure working with David Javerbaum.
Unfortunately the Internet is inconsistent when it comes to listing My book, others choose to only give David credit.
I am a big reader, I love books and like to write books as well.
I took creative writing classes during My childhood.
I am a graduate from Rice University.
Again, thank you.
- Andrew
It was a pleasure working with David Javerbaum.
Unfortunately the Internet is inconsistent when it comes to listing My book, others choose to only give David credit.
I am a big reader, I love books and like to write books as well.
I took creative writing classes during My childhood.
I am a graduate from Rice University.
Again, thank you.
- Andrew
February 10, 2025
God’s back. This random purchase happened to be right up my street and is the sort of nonsense I spend far too much time thinking about. Yes, it falls off after the Old Testament stuff, the author seems less keen on sticking the boot into Jesus, but there was still fun to be had. It might have been better to stick to the Old Testament for the whole book as there is plenty more deserving material in it that wasn’t tackled. Overall, thought provoking and funny.
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