Will I Ever Fit In?: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Adult Dyssemia

by Stephen Nowicki, Marshall P. Duke

Do you ever feel just a little off socially? Like you are the only one in the room not getting the jokes -- or maybe the only one to laugh when you tell one? Although you can't quite put your finger on it, something isn't quite right when people are always moving away from you instead of moving closer to hear what you have to say. Whether or not your feelings of unease have to do with the situation you're in now at work or whether "not fitting in" has been your mantra your whole life, Will I Ever Fit In? provides a groundbreaking and comprehensive program to identify and address the pervasive yet poorly recognized syndrome called dyssemia that you may suffer from. People who have some form of dyssemia -- a group reported to include as many as 25 million Americans -- cannot readily understand nonverbal messages, much as dyslexics do not readily process written language. Yet nonverbal communication plays an essential role in our communication with others, and people who don't pick up the signals others send often face painful social rejection. Stephen Nowicki, Jr. and Marshall Duke,experts in the field of nonverbal communication and seasoned clinical psychologists, offer a practical plan to improve your relationships and social skills -- skills you may not have known you even needed. Will I Ever Fit In? includes the first diagnostic self-test for adult dyssemia, and it helps you understand nonverbal communication -- shows you how to read it -- through a combination of imitation and mentoring. Gentle and easy, the step-by-step approach guides you through the study of nonverbal behavior by observing others walking, eating, and talking; by making a dictionary of gestures and postures portraying different emotions from magazine photos; and by finding out what emotions you convey by taking snapshots of yourself and working with a friend -- or coach -- whom you can trust. What's more, it also offers guidelines for choosing professional help if you should need it. This valuable book offers you the tools you need to build successful relationships, to capitalize on your interpersonal strengths, and to pave the way to your future happiness.

Genres: Nonfiction

256 pages, Hardcover

First published March 5, 2002

About the author

Stephen Nowicki Jr., PhD, is the author of over 150 publications and presentations and the coauthor of several books. He received his PhD from Purdue University and lives in Georgia.

Reviews

[Bobbie Dillon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good information for and/or to assist those who feel like something is wrong but can't quite figure it out...

[Petra X · Rating 4 out of 5]

Evidently not since I can't even interact with people online. I isolate myself happily in my rainforest home, I garden, I read and I waste time online. I didn't always used be like this. It started in the autumn of 2023, I've had various pills and things for depression, but they didn't make any difference so I stopped them. I'm not unhappy if I'm left alone. I'll admit that sometimes I'm lonely, but mostly not, mostly I'm just alone.

On Fridays I have lunch with my friend who has stuck by me but doesn't invite me to any of her parties because I don't fit in with her friends. They don't like me she says, she's been saying it for more than 20 years, but I don't even know most of them, not even their names or faces, still she is probably right, they wouldn't like me, it is true, I never fit in. The big event of the day, my only social interaction, is every night I speak to my partner in Miami for an hour and a half.

We have structured phonecalls. First we chat about the day, then we talk about the links we've sent each other on the news and then, for for the most enjoyable part of the call, we talk about the places we visited last year. We spent over seven months travelling from the UK to China, 16 countries. I could cope with that, apart from the occasional tour leader or driver, there was no need for conversation with any one else. I did make a friend of the duty manager in Fiji though.

My partner has a thing about bread, also free food so we were in the Fiji Crowne Plaza which like all Crowne Plaza's has a fabulous breakfast buffet. He would bring a plastic bag and stuff it full of food for lunch, but mostly bread, lots of different breads. We used to have far too much and he would carry it country to country and it would get hard and stale, but he didn't care! Anyway, the hostess caught us.

I pointed out that lots of people were taking food, one couple had stuffed their entire baby stroller with tupperware containers and carried the baby and that she'd only stopped us because my partner had MS and walked so slowly. Anyway we were told off, that it was a health risk and really kind of shamed us. Deservedly true, but still shame.

So at the front desk I asked for the duty manager, a big round jolly young guy, Sandrit. He was most understanding and we got to chatting about my island (which is very like a small version of Fiji but less friendly) and remained friends after that.

On the last day, when we were waiting for our taxi to the airport - next stop Hawaii - he brought us two wrapped presents not to be opened until the airport. Mine was small and was handmade chocolates, my partner's was large and had a big assortment of fresh-baked bread. So that was me getting on with someone!

This year my partner, a law professor, has to work, last year was a sabbatical. But he only does two lectures a week, so I'm going down to Miami in a couple of weeks for a few months. I have a downtown apartment. I stopped contacting my Miami acquaintances before I went travelling, I don't feel I am able to socialise again right now so it will be just us in a lovely apartment planning where we are going this summer.

I don't know if anyone will read this. I probably won't check and I'm a bit nervous of comments, I think replying to them would be a bit too much right now. I was sad when Goodreads stopped messaging (why?) but also, as you can imagine, relieved.