A Year to Change Your Mind: Ideas from the Therapy Room to Help You Live Better

by Lucy Maddox

'Twelve months' worth of smart self-help from someone you'd want on your team in a crisis ... genuinely useful, charming, comforting' - Guardian

'Compelling, warm and authoritative' - Viv Groskop, bestselling author of Lift As You Climb

'A compassionate book filled with useful tips to help us through life' - Claudia Hammond, bestselling author of The Key to Kindness

Help yourself to live a better life in 2023


Psychology underpins everything we do, determining the decisions we make, the relationships we build, the roles we play and the places we live, and our behaviour is further influenced by the changing seasons, encouraging many of us to fall into unhelpful patterns again and again each year.

In A YEAR TO CHANGE YOUR MIND, consultant clinical psychologist Dr Lucy Maddox explains how psychological processes thread through our lives, pinpointing those issues most frequently encountered in each month, and shows us how by reflecting upon past experiences, both joyful and painful, and considering evidence-based ideas from the realm of psychology, we can learn to live a more thoughtful, positive life that better prepares us for the future.

From the tendency to lack motivation in January and to experience red-hot anger in the heat of August, to the weight of expectation associated with that back-to-school feeling in September and the pressure to enjoy the December holiday season, we're shown recognisable features of behaviour over the course of the year. In sharing with us the most useful psychology ideas the author has learned in her 15 years as a clinical psychologist - ones she uses in her own life, and returns to time and time again with people who have come to see her for therapy - she provides plenty to think about that we too can put into practice to improve our own lives.

'Compassionate and easy to read, this book can lead us to better ways of living. It is filled with unpretentious wisdom' - Henry Mance

'A fantastic book crammed full of practical - and evidence-based - tips to shift your thinking' - Sonia Sodha

'Warm, assuring' - Independent

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Mental Health, Counselling

Audiobook

First published December 15, 2022

Reviews

[Harriet Crossley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listen to bbc iPlayer version. So good I might buy the book for constant referral!

[Morrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite a very approachable book on how to change what you can control and let go of what you can't.

I imagine young people leaving home for uni or heading out into the world of their first job will really benefit from the lessons in this book.

Calmer more experienced minds will be aware of these techniques but they are in a perfect package for a young person.

[Daniel Myatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is actually one of the best self empowerment books I've read!

Broken down into bite-size segments and focusing on a month by month, the author really helped me focus on what I wanted and reminded me that I am doing good things and it's okay to not be okay!

Informative, insightful, and a genius piece of writing.

[Martina · Rating 5 out of 5]

4,75*
A life-changing book, indeed. Or rather, a perspective-shifting book, because l agree and practice most of the tips that were described so it didn't change my life per se, but it truly gave me some different (and very useful/ practical) perspectives on how to live and experience life.
Substracting a bit because there were few parts l didn't agree with. Some things were described very pompously/shiny when in real life things rarely go on so smoothly. Nevertheless, i appreciate i could get to know a different point of view and the possibility to learn something new from other people's experience.
I highly recommend this book to anybody who feels they are ready for a change in life.

[Anna Lacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely and digestible :D And introduced me to some new forms of therapy I had never heard about and have now looked more into! I think I might go back through and read it on a more month by month basis to sit with each chapter a little more

Really loved the chapter on anger that was my absolute favourite!!

[grace saint · Rating 4 out of 5]

Self help that wasn’t patronising or stupid? Excellent

[Ariel C. · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5 stars rounded down. informative, helpful, useful, without being overly condescending or patronising. just felt like i expected more from this especially since the chapters were so long (some way longer than they should have been……) LOL. would recommend if you want something easy on the palate :)

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this read which is set out in 12 different themes addressing challenges we face in each month of the year. January (new beginnings), March (your environment) and November (rest and JOMO - the joy of missing out) really resonated with me, particularly as it was cold outside as I read this. I often find psychology books repetitive or patronising but this one felt fresh and relevant. As someone recovering from depression and managing generalised anxiety disorder I found the insights helpful not just for low mood and anxious thoughts but also for my mindset in general and would say everyone has something to get out of this book. I listened to the audiobook read by the author which helped increase the impact of her personal/professional journey and the examples given.

[Adele Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lovely book that can be referred to throughout the year (if you didn't get it out of the library like me and had to read it all in one). I love that the style of writing is very simple and beginner friendly (no jargon- yay!) and the summaries at the end of each chapter are excellent 👌

[Rob Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

"A Year to Change Your Mind" by Dr. Lucy Maddox is a comprehensive and insightful guide to improving mental health and wellbeing. The book provides readers with a structured year-long program, incorporating evidence-based principles and practices to transform their mental health. This review will break down the main principles outlined in each chapter, offering an actionable checklist to incorporate these recommendations into your daily routine for a happier, healthier mind.

Chapter 1: Understanding Mental Health

- Learn about mental health: Read books, articles, or attend workshops that provide insights into mental health, its importance, and its impact on overall wellbeing.
- Seek professional guidance: If you're experiencing mental health challenges, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or mental health professional.
- Self-awareness practices: Dedicate time each day to reflect on your emotions and thoughts. Journaling can be a helpful tool for gaining self-awareness.
- Normalize mental health conversations: Challenge stigmas by openly discussing mental health with friends, family, and colleagues.
- Foster a supportive environment: Surround yourself with individuals who are understanding and empathetic towards mental health struggles.

Chapter 2: Building Resilience

- Cognitive reframing: Whenever you encounter a negative thought, consciously challenge and reframe it into a more positive or balanced perspective.
- Mindfulness and meditation: Practice mindfulness exercises and meditation regularly to reduce stress and improve emotional regulation.
- Physical activity: Incorporate regular exercise into your routine to release endorphins and boost resilience.
- Positive affirmations: Create a list of affirmations that focus on your strengths and repeat them daily to reinforce a positive self-image.
- Resilient role models: Seek inspiration from individuals who have overcome adversity and learn from their experiences.

Chapter 3: Nurturing Relationships

- Quality time: Dedicate specific moments each day to connect with loved ones without distractions.
- Active listening: Practice active listening when engaging in conversations, fully focusing on the other person's words and emotions.
- Gratitude expression: Regularly express gratitude towards your friends and family for their support and kindness.
- Conflict resolution: Address conflicts openly and constructively, aiming to understand each other's perspectives and find common ground.
- Boundaries: Establish healthy boundaries to protect your mental wellbeing and maintain balanced relationships.

Chapter 4: Finding Purpose and Meaning

- Values exploration: Reflect on your core values and how they align with your daily actions and decisions.
- Meaningful goals: Set specific, achievable goals that align with your values and contribute to your sense of purpose.
- Daily purpose reminders: Create visual cues or reminders of your purpose and place them in prominent locations.
- Break tasks down: Divide larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks to make progress more attainable.
- Celebrate milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, reinforcing your commitment to your purpose.

Chapter 5: Managing Stress and Anxiety

- Stress triggers identification: Keep a stress journal to identify patterns and common triggers.
- Stress-reducing activities: Develop a list of activities that help you unwind and relax, such as reading, taking a bath, or spending time in nature.
- Breathing exercises: Practice deep breathing techniques to calm your nervous system during moments of stress.
- Healthy lifestyle: Prioritize a balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep to build resilience against stress.
- Professional support: Consult a mental health professional to learn personalized coping strategies for managing stress and anxiety.

Chapter 6: Improving Sleep Quality

- Consistent sleep schedule: Establish a regular sleep-wake cycle by going to bed and waking up at the same time each day.
- Bedtime routine: Create a calming bedtime routine to signal your body that it's time to wind down.
- Screen time management: Limit screen exposure before bedtime to improve sleep quality.
- Sleep-friendly environment: Ensure your bedroom is conducive to sleep by keeping it cool, dark, and quiet.
- Caffeine and alcohol moderation: Reduce caffeine and alcohol intake, especially close to bedtime.

Chapter 7: Cultivating Gratitude and Positive Emotions

- Gratitude journaling: Write down three things you're grateful for each day to shift your focus to the positive aspects of life.
- Enjoyable activities: Engage in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment regularly.
- Acts of kindness: Perform random acts of kindness towards others to cultivate positive emotions.
- Positive social circle: Surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals who uplift your spirits.
- Savoring moments: Take a moment to appreciate and savor positive experiences to enhance positive emotions.

Chapter 8: Enhancing Self-Compassion

- Self-compassionate language: Use kind and understanding language when talking to yourself.
- Challenging self-criticism: Identify self-critical thoughts and challenge them with self-compassionate alternatives.
- Self-care practices: Engage in activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing regularly.
- Forgiving imperfections: Embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth and practice self-forgiveness.
- Supportive self-talk: Provide yourself with the support and encouragement you would offer a friend in challenging times.

Chapter 9: Boosting Cognitive Flexibility

- Intellectual challenges: Engage in activities that challenge your thinking, such as puzzles, brain games, or learning a new language.
- Growth mindset: Embrace a growth mindset by viewing failures as opportunities to learn and improve.
- Question assumptions: Regularly question your assumptions and consider alternative perspectives.
- Flexibility exercises: Practice adapting to changes in your daily routine to enhance cognitive flexibility.
- Continuous learning: Cultivate a curious mindset and seek out opportunities to learn new things.

Chapter 10: Fostering Gratitude and Forgiveness

- Self-forgiveness: Acknowledge past mistakes and work towards forgiving yourself to release emotional burdens.
- Letting go of grudges: Reflect on past conflicts and work on letting go of grudges and resentment.
- Gratitude rituals: Develop gratitude rituals, such as saying grace before meals or expressing gratitude before bedtime.
- Empathy and understanding: Put yourself in the shoes of others to cultivate empathy and understanding, facilitating forgiveness.
- Compassion for self and others: Extend compassion to yourself and others, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and deserves understanding.

Chapter 11: Cultivating Compassion for Others

- Acts of kindness: Regularly engage in acts of kindness towards strangers, friends, family, or colleagues.
- Empathetic listening: Practice active listening when others share their thoughts and feelings with you.
- Volunteer work: Participate in community service or volunteer work to foster compassion and a sense of purpose.
- Random acts of kindness: Surprise someone with an unexpected act of kindness to brighten their day.
- Encourage compassion in others: Model compassionate behavior and encourage others to do the same.

Chapter 12: Embracing Change and Uncertainty

- Perspective shift: Reframe change as an opportunity for growth and new experiences.
- Coping strategies: Develop coping mechanisms to manage anxiety and uncertainty during times of change.
- Embrace learning: Approach new situations with a mindset of curiosity and a willingness to learn.
- Flexibility and adaptation: Practice flexibility by adjusting to changes in plans or routines without undue stress.
- Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups during times of uncertainty to gain perspective and encouragement.

"A Year to Change Your Mind" by Dr. Lucy Maddox is a transformative guide to enhancing mental health and wellbeing. By breaking down the main principles into actionable checklists, you can easily incorporate the book's recommendations into your daily routine. Remember that change takes time, and progress may be gradual, but with dedication and consistent practice, you can improve your mental health and lead a more fulfilling life. Take it one step at a time, and don't forget to be compassionate towards yourself throughout the journey. Here's to a healthier and happier mind!

[jolovesbooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audio book on BBC Sounds.


I loved listening to this during 2024. There's a chapter for every month of the year, each focusing on a theme that might be especially helpful within that month. I noted down some new ideas that I collected while listening, as well as some of the ideas I've collected elsewhere that the book reinforced.


January: taking small steps towards achievable goals can gradually reduce unwanted behaviour. It can be helpful to acknowledge the loss that can come as part of the decision to make peace.

February: if you're feeling fearful, rather than exposing yourself to your biggest fear right away, a common approach is to climb the ladder or mountain of fears. Place smaller worries at bottom, and gradually work up the ladder or mountain towards your escalating fears at the top. It's powerful to remember that what we do can change how we feel. If we feeling stuck, it can be helpful to be motivated by our values. For example, if health is important, when we fancy cake we can remember we hold health dear to us.

March: whenever we're stressed out, our immune system is compromised. Our environment can change our health. For example, everything having a place is calming. Decluttering can be hard, but evidence suggests it can help us, both psychologically and physically. Nature can have a restorative effect and some studies show it lowers stress. An experiment in a hospital showed that patients facing trees rather than a brick wall got better more rapidly and experienced less pain. Consider bringing nature inside our homes (such as wooden furniture).

April: we need to nourish ourselves as much as we would a plant. There are the basics, like sleep, eating well, exercise. There's the stuff we choose to make time for, like creative pursuits, simple pleasures, a moment of stillness. Speaking positively to ourselves can also help us bloom. We're usually more harsh about or to ourselves than we are about or to others, and how we talk to ourselves is just as important as how we talk to other people. Think about what you'd say to a good friend. CBT therapy teaches us to catch negative thoughts that crop up and evaluate them dispassionately; look at evidence for both sides and try not to jump to conclusions. For example, if you tell yourself you're not good enough and you get a good mark at school, you'll see it as a fluke and you'll remember the bad marks more easily as the good mark doesn't fit your narrative. Instead, try to see the times you got a less good mark as opportunities to grow, think what might've affected your mark. Dr Kristin Neff's work (researcher of self compassion) sounds interesting.

May: talking and listening well is an art. Being fully present and giving someone else your attention is a powerful signal they matter to you. How we ask a question matters. For example, try to ask open questions like 'How are you feeling today?' or 'Tell me about how you are.' as opposed to closed questions like Are you alright?' Active listening is a powerful tool (summarising what someone's said in their own words to make them feel heard and to check you've understood correctly). Aim to be assertive as opposed to aggressive or passive: express yourself clearly. This is about what we say, but also how we say it (thinking about our tone, posture). Assertiveness can help us manage criticism (by hearing and responding calmly and not defensively) and compliments (so that we don't do ourselves down). Really hear what people are saying and try to find value in other views.

June: 1 in 10 people approximately are affected by social anxiety, which often starts in adolescence and carries on in to adulthood, massively affecting what people are able to do. It traps people, they're there but not really there, too busy in their own minds running over all the ways they're falling short which means they're not fully themselves. A recommendation is to go in to more social situations and look at people's reactions rather than jumping to conclusions. When reading someone else's expression and thinking they're thinking negatively about you, they may just be tired or thoughtful. Taking the attention off ourselves and genuinely tuning in with those around us can help move us on from the anxious loop we can get stuck in.

July: everyone faces uncertainty all the time in life; we don't know what will happen next, even if it feels like we do; the days are usually similar, except when they aren't. How you feel can depend on what you have at stake. For example, during the pandemic those who were more financially secure may have felt stress to a lesser degree. Our tolerance for uncertainty has changed since the 90s. For example, if someone didn't turn up before we all carried mobile phones, we'd have to go on our way not knowing. There's a limit to how much you can control in certain situations, and separating what you can and can't control and choosing to do the controllable things give you a sense of agency. Remember we're not alone when things feel hard: keep going and know we're all in it together and trying the best we can to muddle through.

August: anger can be motivating and lead to change, as long as we can channel it constructively. Sometimes anger can be covering something else, such as worry, frustration, a sense of threat. DBT therapy teaches us to recognise and name the emotion and ride the wave of a big feeling, rather than react impulsively. A helpful exercise is called opposite action, which is about doing the opposite of what we're tempted to do. For example, speak softly instead of shouting. We don't have to accept situations of massive pain, but we can think it shouldn't have happened while accepting that it did. Self-soothing by using all of our senses to calm ourselves down is a helpful technique and the author recommends mindfulness; she says the more she does it, the more time she has between feeling an emotion and acting on it, a brief pause to consider intentional response. Breathing out for longer than we breathe in can also help to soothe us, it can change our body's physiology. We can be more psychologically flexible in life if we pay attention to thoughts and feelings as temporary states. If we think about ourselves like the sky, not the clouds or rain, this can help us see our thoughts and feelings as something we can observe and not act on.

September: how can we make the most of work and craft our jobs to be better for us? We might be stretched out of our comfort zone rather than in the wrong job (although if it's relentless, it may be the wrong job). A helpful exercise to guide our actions can be drawing two circles like a fried egg. In the outer circle are things that are beyond our control, in the inner circle are things that are in our control, and we can choose how to respond and if we address them. Jane Dutton and Amy Wrzesniewski talk about job crafting and how people alter their jobs to make them more meaningful. For example, hospital cleaners are a key part of the healing process. We're invited to notice when we last felt fully absorbed and happiest over last few weeks in our job. And to consider that devoting time to our passions outside of work, or a project at work, might even open up other areas. If we're perfectionists and we're holding ourselves to unrelenting standards, this is exhausting. Making a mistake can lead to further learning and good enough is enough. It's important to be aware of how we each respond to stress. Our stress signature (for example, a tense jaw or shoulders, feeling the need to cancel a few meetings, catastrophising) might show we need to rest. Celebrating the good stuff when we've made a difference can boost our purpose and sense of efficacy.

October: autumn in to winter can be a painful transition. Grief isn't just about death. For example, it might be felt at the end of a relationship or a redundancy. There are five stages of grief; you can go back and forth and might not hit every stage. It can make it hard to function as we usually would and we can have physical symptoms too. Grief can be seen as the flip side to love. For example, we suffer because we've loved or cared deeply about something or someone. We can invite back the people who've gone, perhaps by cherishing a value to honour them. Or if the loss is an experience, we could create a new experience or choose a past experience to hold dear, not as compensation, but as a reminder of the things that went as hoped or even better than we'd imagined.

November: it's easy to feel tired when the mornings and evenings are dark. Research shows less light can make us feel less happy and more fatigued. Finding small things that give us pleasure and peppering our lives with them as often as possible can be protective. Pay more attention to rest and sleep too; mental and physical health are affected by sleep deprivation. Things that can contribute to good rest are getting up and doing something else instead of clock watching when we wake at a time that's dedicated for sleep, writing down worries from the day in a notebook by the bed, avoiding coffee late in day, avoiding heavy phone use before sleeping, lowering the lights and doing something relaxing before bed. Stopping, savoring and sleeping can help the darker months feel like a cosy cocoon.

December: family relationships can be put under pressure at Christmas. Christmas can also bring a lot of expectation and pressure. A technique that can help is shifting away from unhelpful behaviours that don't serve us. The example given was instead of slipping in to speaking in ways we wouldn't to someone else's family member, can we focus on making the day nice for someone else, or ease our own expectations around the day. Also be aware of any traps we may fall in to when we're trying to cope. It's worth planning ahead to support yourself, for example by scheduling regular time for yourself. Again it might help to focus on making Christmas good enough.

[Kiara Selena · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

As someone from the Southern hemisphere, the discussions about seasons throughout the months were a bit mixed up and confusing because the author is writing from the Northern hemisphere perspective. I don't think I'm a fan of the structure of the chapters, I'd prefer if each chapter was titled after the problem/idea/solution/story/theory/strategy/etc which would make the book easier to navigate as a reference. There were some useful points. Overall, an interesting book which I would consider rereading.

[Joana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting learnings and cool facts eg (“ruminating” comes from cows chewing grass) in this comforting book, but I wasn’t particularly blown away by anything. Perhaps I should have read this slower and studied it closer to gain more from it

[tsintsu · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am very frustrated to say this, but this book was quite a disappointment for me. Reading the annotation set my expectations rather high. I was already quite familiar with most of the information shared in the book, but there are a few useful and practical tips here and there.

Only good thing is that I researched more about the JOMO(joy of missing out) concept mentioned in the book. This idea really resonates with me (...the person I strive to be). It is very easy to get caught up in comparing our life experiences to what we see on social media. But when we let ourselves live and stay fully present, it completely changes the experience. Oh, and it also led me to realize that you can always replace FOMO with JOMO by changing your mindset.

If anything, the book is useful in the sense that if you are a curious person, it will lead you to discover more interesting topics on a deeper level.

[Natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the format which dedicated a different month for different themes and psychodynamic theories/approaches. I especially enjoyed the December month, which focussed alot on family dynamics and Christmas stressors. But because it was set out as a 12 month book i felt that it gave only a taster of different models when i probably wanted a bit more depth. Have added the recommended (mentioned) books to my reading list.

[coffeecattys · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hem çeviri hem okuma süreci çok keyifli geçen, gözbebeğim, ilk çevirim. Bazen ne yapmamız gerektiğini bilmiyor, sıkışıp kalıyoruz. Neler yapabiliriz? Neler yapmalıyız? Nasıl ilerleyebiliriz? Tüm değişikliklere illa 1 Ocak tarihinde mi başlanmalı? Değişim istediğimiz gün milat olamaz mı?
Olabilir, o hâlde ayağa kalkıp ilerlemeye devam etmeli. Bugün yeniden başlıyorsun, başlıyoruz, belki de başlamalıyız 🤍

[Nicola · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't expect to enjoy this as much as I did. But whilst alot of the strategies were ones I had heard before, there were nuggets of ideas here which did make me stop and think. And it is very nicely written with anecdotes from the author's own experiences and examples of patients she has treated. I listened to the abridge audio version on BBC Sounds but will definitely buy a hard copy to dip into in the future. An ideal book for teenagers about to leave home I think.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think non-fiction books are often about timing and whilst I didn’t read this book in the manner I think the author intended, it was lovely to read a self help book that is so practical. Some well researched ideas and multiple different types of therapeutical approaches are shared and it was a pleasant read.

[Kiniax · Rating 3 out of 5]

It felt very repetitive and some chapters were way too long as some ideas and suggestions needed only one or two pages instead of 20 which there was generally one idea per month/chapter. A lot of it was common sense that we do seem to overlook but I think this book was better off to be an article and not a whole book of 280 pages

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to as an audio book- full of used
Ful practises and ideas, but it seemed like it was speed read. I would benefit more from a chapter at a time and lots of reflection and working through. Might buy the book now. Not every chapter is totally relevant, but usually, at least one aspect of every chapter is useful.

[Harriet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the way that this book was set out- a different theme for each month of the year, with strategies to help with a variety of things like lack of sleep, anxiety, fears etc. The audiobook was great and I enjoyed listening to it.

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually read this over the year and found it very enjoyable and informative. If you try to sit down and read it in one sitting you probably won’t get as much from it. It’s meant to be read as the seasons turn

[Sapphyre Haynes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've been reading this one a bit at a time each month so it's taken me a lot longer than it usually does for me to read a book.
It did really make me stop and think about how I could apply the principles set out in each month to my own life.

[Michelle Dunne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this one, it's giving "don't wait until you're drowning to learn how to swim". So many practical tips you can use in everyday struggles. Also liked the way the chapters were split up to give a whole rounded approach / to cover many situations. Some chapters were a bit unnecessarily long.

[brie · Rating 3 out of 5]

pretty interesting, the 12 month split format was cool and functioned as it was meant to. self help/psychology books do often feel a bit patronising, like common sense, but some of the tips and reframing in this one redeemed it.

[Lachlan Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has helped me through a challenging time in my life and given some good insight into the eways we can help ourself mentally.

[Ruby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and found it really useful. I liked the layout of the book, made it a more interesting.

[Tammy Davies · Rating 5 out of 5]

Accessible, readable, comforting and practical.

[Tamara Gilfillan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a really good book and I particularly liked the summary points at the end of each chapter.

[Марија · Rating 4 out of 5]

Došla mi je baš kad mi treba. Iznenađujuće dobra i lagana. Najviše sam se povezala sa Januarom, Avgustom i Septembrom.