I Want It All: revised by the author for this edition

The All Trilogy #1

by Dirk Vanden

Warren Miller is a 27-year-old college dropout, working on a cattleranch in Colorado around 1969. One drunken Saturday night,Warren is reluctantly dragged into the gang-rape of a "queer"who looks enough like him to be his brother, or even his twin.Afterward, in his search for the victim to apologize and makeamends for the rape, he drives to San Francisco, having severalhomosexual adventures along the way. In SF he discovers hustling,the leather-and head-bar scene, becomes a bartender at a gay barcalled "The Cosmos," learns about Gay Life, falls in love, andalmost gets killed by a crazy cop. The book ends happily.

Genres: M M Romance, Erotica

Hardcover

First published January 1, 1969

About the author

I was born on May 7, 1933, in Roosevelt, Utah, but grew up in a small neighboring town called Vernal, high in the Rocky Mountains, near the Colorado border, on old Highway 40. I grew up as "The Best Little Mormon Boy In The Whole Wide World," but defected at age 16 when I discovered I was "Queer," and my Bishop told me I was an "Abomination in the sight of God" and would burn in Hell forever if I didn't repent. Obviously I didn't repent. Eventually - when ALL IS WELL was published, in 1973 - I asked out of the LDS church because I was Gay, & sent them a copy of ALL IS WELL - & my wish was granted without protest. I am now, officially, NOT a Latter Day Saint!

During college at the University of Utah, I wrote my first "Gay Novel," "TO THEMSELVES UNKNOWN," & dared to submit it to a creative writing seminar, the summer I graduated. "One of the best first-novels I've ever read," said Albert Guerrard, a then-famous novelist & teacher of the seminar. "Unfortunately, its subject matter is homosexuality, which severely limits its publication possibilities. You could try one of the porno-houses, but I hope you won't have to do that. It would spoil a good book." That was 1958.

A professional agent at Curtis Brown spent a frustrating year, trying unsuccessfully to find a publisher. Finally, in desperation, I sent TO THEMSELVES UNKNOWN to Greenleaf Classics in San Diego, and it ended up being published as a "Fag-Hot" called "WHO KILLED QUEEN TOM?" GL's addition of "hot fag-sex" to my sensitive self-examination definitely ruined it, for me, at least.

The rest of my story is on my personal website. Please first visit DirkVanden Dot-net, not DirkVanden dot-com. Three of my books are still available at the dot-com address. All of my titles are listed here on Amazon. Some are listed as "Not Available." I'm in the process of converting all my books to Kindle and am searching for a copy of WHO KILLED QUEEN TOM? From Greenleaf Classics Pleasure Readers, 1969. From time to time the originals are listed for sale on Amazon. Two here now have 5-star reviews. I WANT IT ALL & ALL IS WELL.

My new novel: "ALL OF ME (Can You Take All Of Me?)A Gay Mystery," has just been published by Rosedog Books, in POD Paperback, or various e-formats on RoseDog's Yahoo bookstore. It is also now available on Kindle and as a cheaper paperback on the Amazon-Prime program -- free shipping!

Reviews

[Don Bradshaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this raw, edgy story a lot. It is not a romance by any means but an in your face look at one man's life in pre-aids San Francisco. It all started with a gang rape that changed Warren Miller's life. This is Warren's account of that night and what followed it. I enjoyed Warren's naivety and his fresh look at gay life. Mr. Vanden's note at the beginning was the perfect introduction to the book and should be heeded. Based on fact, this book is worth the read if for nothing else than its historic value.

[A.B. Gayle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this on Teddy Pig's recommendation and am glad I did. Yes, it is dated, yes it's not PC (by many standards) containing as it does instances when the protagonists take drugs and carry on with a number of unsafe sex practices.

So let's lay down a few facts in case you are tempted.....

If the concept of golden showers and other such things turns you off, don't read this book.

If you don't like learning about what it was like to be gay back in the 1970's, don't read this book.

If sections like this:

Gay guys are the most bewildering people on earth! One minute they can be so damned pleasant—and then turn right around and be the bitchiest bastards you’ve ever seen. It’s like they all had split-personalities! (I kept remembering that kid I'd picked up in Nevada, and the Jekyl-Hyde thing that happened to him.) I don’t know—it’s like gay guys live on a tightrope or something; you never know what’s going to set them off! Like—a guy would come in and order his drink, and usually he’d be smiling and happy, saying “hi” to everyone—and he’d pick out a spot to stand and display himself and cruise; but then, maybe half an hour later, you’d hear him snapping at people, swearing—or go storming out, shoving people out of his way! And who knows what the hell happened? Maybe he cruised someone and got turned down—or maybe he thought things weren’t happening fast enough—or got hungup thinking nobody wanted him! Or, you’re down at one end of the bar and a guy wants to talk—and someone else goes down to the other end, wanting a drink—and no matter what you do then, you’re wrong; they act like you’re insulting them both by not being in two places at once! Or if you’re out of the one kind of beer a guy likes, it’s like you’ve said something against his mother!

offends your sensibilities don't read this book.

If reading about rape upsets you - don't read this book.

While there is a HEA, if you're looking for a sweet m/m romance, don't read this book.

Are you getting the picture, yet?

However, if you want an honest, no-holds-barred look at the scene back then, check it out.

The gay mystery writer Josh Thomas, summed it up in his review thus: In 1969, a few months before the Stonewall Riots broke out in June, a fly-by-night publisher issued a title by Dirk Vanden called "I Want It All" as part of a throwaway series called Frenchy's Gay Line, sold only in dirty bookstores, two bucks a pop. But "I Want It All" turned out to be a real novel, winning a respected place in the history of Gay Lit. The wonder is, it's just as hot and every bit as readable today.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Just ignore the exclamation marks.... Wince.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is an authenticity and rawness to I Want It All that appealed to me, but in ultimately I could only rate it 3.5 at best. I wasn't offended by the rape scene, the drugs or the unprotected sex - those were the times - I just did not connect with the characters and I struggle to see how this is seen as a minor classic in some circles. It could be that I am not a gay man, but then again good writing and a cohesive plot should overcome that problem.