If I Get to Five: What Children Can Teach Us About Courage and Character

by Fred Epstein, Josh Horwitz

A world-renowned pediatric neurosurgeon shares the lessons of courage, compassion, and resilience that he's learned from his exceptional young patients

If I Get to Five is a one-of-a-kind book by a one-of-a-kind human being. The medical world knows him as Fred Epstein, M.D., the neurosurgeon who pioneered life-saving procedures for previously inoperable tumors in children. His patients and their families know him simply as Dr. Fred, the "miracle man" who has extended them both a healing hand and an open heart.

"I simply can't accept the idea of kids dying," is how Epstein explains his commitment to saving patients. As a child, he had to overcome severe learning disabilities to realize his dream of becoming a doctor. Later, as the world's leading pediatric neurosurgeon, he did whatever it took to rescue children that other doctors had given up on.

Epstein credits his young patients as his most important teachers. "We tend to think of children as fragile, little people," he writes. "To me, they're giants." If I Get to Five relates the unforgettable experiences he's shared with children-lessons in courage, compassion, love, and hope-that we can all draw on to overcome adversity at any stage of life. In If I Get to Five , Epstein meditates on these lessons at a time when they parallel his own experiences, as he recovers from a near-fatal head injury.

If I Get to Five is a riveting profile of courage and compassion. No one who reads this remarkable book will ever look at children-or adversity-in the same way.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Medical, Psychology, Medicine, Biography

208 pages, Hardcover

First published September 5, 2000

Reviews

[Melissa Lee-Tammeus · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for everyone - a reminder to all about the resilience of the human spirit. I cried throughout this book - it is a true memoir of a brilliant pediatric spinal/brain tumor surgeon who discusses some of his most memorable cases - and by cases, I mean the children themselves - and how they shaped his practice and his life. This book is not about him, per se, but about those he helped, and in turn, helped him. I recommend this book to all -

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic! This book was told with the perfect mix of medical knowledge and human emotion. I'm not a crier, but there were times when I felt close to tears. Above all, it reminds you of that innocence and special insight into the word that we all possess as children and inevitably see begin to drift away as the "real world" factors in our lives increase. Wonderful quick read!

[Jay Rain · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rating - 7.6

Hard topic & a tribute to a child's resilience to pain but loses emotional impact as the reader builds a defense mechanism against the same non-visualized message for 190 pages - disassociative theory

A life-changing quote for parents on P137 - It's easy for us to become so pre-occupied with what our children aren't that we lose sight of what they are, what makes them unique & irreplaceable

[Shellie]

I picked this up on my way out of the library because I thought it would be about the funny things children do, but its about the courageous things they do to survive when they have cancer.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I chose 'If I Get To Five' for the Popsugar 2021 Reading Challenge prompt 'A Book Your Best Friend Would Like' because although she's been gone for over 7 years, my mom still holds a place as one of my best friends and I am 100% certain she would have read it had she known it existed. As a young child interested in a career in medicine, I was not the least bit traumatized reading Dr. Epstein's first book, 'Gifts of Time', about his career as a pediatric brain surgeon, and it was Mom who gave me the book in the first place. We went on to each read it every couple years afterwards and it would frequently come up when we'd talk about favorite books, or when Dr. Epstein was in the news, such as in 2001 when he was in a bike accident that left him with a devastating head injury and in 2006 when he sadly passed away from cancer, having never returned to surgery following the accident. Yet we somehow never stumbled across 'If I Get To Five', and I'm sad that I have finished it but don't have Mom here to discuss it.
Written while Dr. Epstein was recovering from his accident, this book sees him reflecting on more of his memorable patients and the life lessons they taught him, some of which didn't hit home until he himself experienced the effects of brain surgery and the need to live in the moment because the next one isn't guaranteed. He tells the story that led to the title of the book immediately, that of a 4 year-old girl who had plans for her future but also a realization that the brain tumor that Dr. Epstein would be operating on may not even allow her to see her next birthday. By taking on patients no one else would touch, because their tumors were too involved in the brain stem or spinal cord, Epstein had the chance to become a hero or look like a fool, and while many of the stories were of the heroic sort, he also included those with poorer outcomes, because they too imparted lessons, such as it being acceptable to admit defeat and that a child's life will end far too soon.
The book was a brief one, and I read it knowing that Dr. Epstein's career as a surgeon had ended with the accident, though he still expressed his optimism about returning to the OR in these pages, and that he had since passed away. While it didn't have the profound impact on me that 'Gifts of Time' did, I felt it was a fitting tribute to his career and a memoir of all that he had accomplished in terms of making his hospital unit feel more like home for his patients and pioneering surgical approaches that his successors have hopefully used, or improved upon, to ensure his legacy lives on to bring hope to children other surgeons would have deemed hopeless.

[Rachel]

Read in 2003; my review from then: The author pioneered new methods for surgery on children's brainstems and spinal cords, mostly for children with cancer. He started a medical facility for such cases, one that treats the children and families with respect, support, and humor. He himself is now recovering from a massive brain injury. He may well, as he admits, have a God complex, but he comes across as a genuinely good guy who's not only accomplished a lot but also has developed a lot of insight. I was struck by what he says was the most important lesson of his life: "Once you stop fearing failure, you're free. You can go after any crazy idea you dream up. Everything becomes possible when there's nothing you're afraid to try."

[Liz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up because of my work with pediatric patients. It does feel a bit weird to rate it.

It's hard not to be touched by this book. It's emotional to read about the triumphs and lows of Epstein's career. It's a reminder that working with ill children is a matter of seeing who they are and their interests are instead of just seeing their illness.

At times it felt like this work leaned just a touch into gender stereotypes. Also, I'm not a religious person, so the aspects that touched on faith didn't work as well for me. Overall, though, I feel like picking up this book was worthwhile.

[Clare Collins · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful reminder of what it means to be a kid, and the valuable lessons adults can learn from them, their innocence, their hope, and their imagination. I didn’t love the part about faith but I think that’s just because I’m not particularly religious. Also, narrator was arrogant at a couple points, but I think that’s expected for a pediatric neurosurgeon who is one of the best in his field. Dr. Epstein created INN at Beth Israel hospital, which focuses on restoring the humanity within medicine, so I loved his mission and everything he stood for as a doctor.

[Sarah Feingold · Rating 4 out of 5]

Epstein kind of has a god complex, but he is one of the best pediatric neurosurgeons on the face of the planet so,,, he.. deserves it? idk, it was p good & like,,, emotional (might not recommend if u have a lil sister who died from cancer bc the feels r like a shitstorm)

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. Personal and informative account of terminal illness.

[Kali Lananger · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Beautifully written joys of what children can teach us on life and love. Absolutely worth the read.

[Mills College Library]

617.48092 E646 2003

[John Paul Roboski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very thought-provoking, hard to put down and an easy read. Incredible perspective on suffering and inexplicable pain.

[Sydney Walrod · Rating 2 out of 5]

Slow

[Dan Gorman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Epstein was a good man and an incredibly inventive neurosurgeon. His reflections on his career, while occasionally seeming a bit unoriginal or cliched, are very honest, and he brings an interesting perspective on the psychological and spiritual dimensions of pediatric medical treatment. Most interesting of all are Dr. Epstein's reflections on religion. Epstein is a somewhat deist Jew, believing that God does not cause evil, but that God doesn't intervene to cause good, either. We're on our own. At the same time, though, Epstein views people as having God-given talents (even though God won't pull the strings on how those skills are used). Epstein also views it as essential that patients have faith in something, not necessarily religion, but perhaps a dream, a goal, a story - and he praises the community-building aspects of religion, as they help us process the here-and-now. As such, Dr. Epstein creates a sort of agnostic approach to religion as a tool within the doctor's toolbox. And yet Epstein also remains open to the possibility of miracles, not as intervention by God, but rather as quirks of the universe and chance. Perhaps his back and forth between miracles and agnosticism/deism is a bit self-contradictory, but then again, people often hold self-contradictory views.

Overall - a fast read with some interesting ideas and some emotionally gripping medical case studies. It's a shame Dr. Epstein died in 2006; I suspect he'd still be consulting on medical cases to this very day, were he still here.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Fred Epstein is, according to his book, unarguably a good doctor and a good man. I appreciate the work he does and his perspectives on its goals, purpose, and meaning. I thought the personal anecdotes in this work were valuable and meaningful, but in the efforts to connect them the author(s) used such broad strokes and sweeping statements that sometimes I felt like they were presenting "children with terminal illnesses" as an idea or a concept, rather than as individual people. This is just a personal pet peeve of mine, so I might be hypersensitive when it comes to seeing this in this particular book. I did enjoy it overall and think it's worth reading, especially if you're considering a career in pediatrics or oncology.

[Sushma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though written by a doctor himself, this book is not again one of those medical books which seem believable to the medical people, and fascinating to others. Beautifully written, without delving too deep into the details of any case, this book speaks of how children are so much more mature and accepting than adults. In a read, it reverses your negative thinking, if you have any. A must read, in that.

[Renie · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was obvious by the title, that this book was about ill children who might not make it to experience being 5 years old. I figured I would cry while reading, however, I was pleasantly surprised to see my tears were tears of joy. I liked this thoughtful, well written book by a renowned pediatric neurosurgeon. It is poignant and profound, sad and sweet.

[gosobooks.com · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a compilation of stories of kid patients of Fred Epstein and their hope for the future and some of them what they made out of their lives later on. Ever thought of the dream of a child hoping to do those little things of life like riding a bicycle? Then this is where you'll see hope mixed with emotion.

[Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

A doctor's recounting of his experience treating children with terminal conditions and the lessons he drew from that. Sad, uplifting, a bit predictable at times, and a worthwhile read if only to make you more aware of how fragile and fleeting health and life is.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, really quick read. It really puts your problems in perspective and makes you want to make a difference. Just a warning, it made me cry multiple times. Some of the stories are very heart warming.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book on spirituality, even though it is not promoted as such. I also found the author fascinating because he was a consult for my cousin three weeks before his life-changing accident. Dr. Fred is one of a kind. I teared up at several times, and was deeply moved. Inspirational.

[Kari Gang · Rating 3 out of 5]

A poignant book from a renowned neurologist about lessons learned from the children he treated over the years. One of whom recited his wishes if his brain tumor removal was successful and "If I get to five...".

[Sheri · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting book written by a pediatric neurosurgeon. It talks about all that he overcame to become a physician, as well as many life lessons that he learned from his gravely ill young patients.

[Eleni Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who has ever been a child (ha) should read this book. One forgets how clear things were at a young age. Life unfortunately clouds too much. Beautiful perspective an insight by the physician who had the heart and understanding to write it.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a pediatric nurse, this had special meaning for me. It was sad and informative. And inspiring.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be informative, moving and inspirational. I chose this for book group.

[Kristie Burk · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very sad and uplifting at the same time...

[Manuel Sánchez]

I read this in 2011

[Joe · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book!