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Bringing Up
Cómo criar a las hijas: Consejos prácticos para aquellos que están formando a la próxima generación de mujeres
La presión social. Los desórdenes alimenticios. Las decisiones sobre el amor, el romance y el sexo. Las demandas académicas. Las metas de la vida y cómo lograrlas. Estos son solamente algunos de los muchos desafíos que las jóvenes encaran hoy en día, y la edad en la que los enfrentan es cada vez más y más precoz.
Como padre, ¿cómo está guiando a su hija por el camino hacia ser mujer? ¿La está equipando para que tome decisiones sabias? Ya sea que ella siga jugando con muñecas o esté atravesando la adolesencia, a menudo turbulenta, ¿está ella en verdad segura en su identidad como su hija amada y valorada?
En el éxito de ventas del New York Times , Cómo criar a las hijas, el Dr. James Dobson, autoridad en la paternidad y respetado consejero familiar, lo ayudará a encarar los desafíos de educar y criar a sus hijas para que lleguen a ser mujeres fuertes, sanas y seguras que sobresalen en la vida.
Peer pressure. Eating disorders. Decisions about love, romance, and sex. Academic demands. Life goals and how to achieve them. These are just some of the challenges that girls face today―and the age at which they encounter them is getting younger and younger.
As a parent, how are you guiding your daughter on her journey to womanhood? Are you equipping her to make wise choices? Whether she’s still playing with dolls or in the midst of the often-turbulent teen years, is she truly secure in her identity as your valued and loved daughter?
In the New York Times bestseller Bringing Up Girls , parenting authority and trusted family counselor, Dr. James Dobson, will help you face the challenges of raising your daughters to become strong, healthy, and confident women who excel in life.
Como padre, ¿cómo está guiando a su hija por el camino hacia ser mujer? ¿La está equipando para que tome decisiones sabias? Ya sea que ella siga jugando con muñecas o esté atravesando la adolesencia, a menudo turbulenta, ¿está ella en verdad segura en su identidad como su hija amada y valorada?
En el éxito de ventas del New York Times , Cómo criar a las hijas, el Dr. James Dobson, autoridad en la paternidad y respetado consejero familiar, lo ayudará a encarar los desafíos de educar y criar a sus hijas para que lleguen a ser mujeres fuertes, sanas y seguras que sobresalen en la vida.
Peer pressure. Eating disorders. Decisions about love, romance, and sex. Academic demands. Life goals and how to achieve them. These are just some of the challenges that girls face today―and the age at which they encounter them is getting younger and younger.
As a parent, how are you guiding your daughter on her journey to womanhood? Are you equipping her to make wise choices? Whether she’s still playing with dolls or in the midst of the often-turbulent teen years, is she truly secure in her identity as your valued and loved daughter?
In the New York Times bestseller Bringing Up Girls , parenting authority and trusted family counselor, Dr. James Dobson, will help you face the challenges of raising your daughters to become strong, healthy, and confident women who excel in life.
336 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2008
612 people are currently reading
2902 people want to read
About the author
James C. Dobson
253 books375 followersA licensed psychologist and marriage, family, and child counselor, Dr. James Dobson was a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. For 14 years Dr. Dobson was an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine, and he served for 17 years on the attending staff of Children's Hospital Los Angeles in the Division of Child Development and Medical Genetics. He earned a Ph.D. from the University of Southern California (1967) in the field of child development.
He was the author of more than 50 books, including The New Dare to Discipline, The New Strong-Willed Child, When God Doesn't Make Sense, Night Light: A Devotional for Couples, Bringing Up Boys, and the New York Times bestseller Bringing Up Girls .
Heavily involved in influencing governmental policies related to the family, Dr. Dobson was appointed by President Ronald Reagan to the National Advisory Commission to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. He also served on the Attorney General's Advisory Board on Missing and Exploited Children, the Department of Health and Human Services' Panel on Teen Pregnancy Prevention, and the Commission on Child and Family Welfare. He was elected in 2008 to the National Radio Hall of Fame, and in 2009 received the Ronald Reagan Lifetime Achievement Award.
He was the author of more than 50 books, including The New Dare to Discipline, The New Strong-Willed Child, When God Doesn't Make Sense, Night Light: A Devotional for Couples, Bringing Up Boys, and the New York Times bestseller Bringing Up Girls .
Heavily involved in influencing governmental policies related to the family, Dr. Dobson was appointed by President Ronald Reagan to the National Advisory Commission to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. He also served on the Attorney General's Advisory Board on Missing and Exploited Children, the Department of Health and Human Services' Panel on Teen Pregnancy Prevention, and the Commission on Child and Family Welfare. He was elected in 2008 to the National Radio Hall of Fame, and in 2009 received the Ronald Reagan Lifetime Achievement Award.
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November 8, 2010
Despite its subtitle, this book has remarkably little practical advice to offer on raising girls and is considerably more discouraging than encouraging. "Bringing Up Girls" is primarily a social commentary on the decadence of modern society, the ill effects of feminism, and the challenges facing girls. As a social commentary, it profusely quotes other (often superior) social commentaries I have already read, including the writings of Wendy Shalit, Dr. Grossman, and Michelle Malkin. There is scarce original material in this book; Dr. Dobson’s direct quotes sometimes run as long as three full pages, and occasionally he even quotes himself at length (inserting large blocks of text from other books or articles he has written). There are pages and pages of transcripts from radio broadcasts and discussions with teenage girls, which can become quite tedious.
What practical advice he does offer is primarily focused on self-esteem and a girl’s need for affirmation of her physical beauty, as if a girl’s sole concern is and always will be to attract boys. There is very little about a girl’s need to have her intelligence or her talents praised, about academic concerns or challenges facing girls, about the intellectual education of girls in general, about helping girls to discern their vocations, about raising a girl, indeed, to have any deep personal interest beyond that of a girlfriend, wife, or mother. Not that the calling of a wife and mother isn’t significant and honorable, and not that I haven’t pursued those roles myself, but not every woman will become a wife, not every wife will become a mother, and not every wife and a mother will be solely a wife and a mother. There were times when, for me, Dobson’s traditionalism (with which I am okay) seemed to cross over into chauvinism (with which I am not okay).
Perhaps it is only Dr. Dobson’s frequently condescending tone (complemented by an excessive use of exclamation points) that leads me to think his views border on chauvinism. One early passage caused me to shake my head. Dr. Dobson is talking about how we need to teach our little girl manners, such as where to place silverware, to put a napkin in her lap, not to talk with her mouth full, and not to belch or pick her teeth at the table. He then says, “Although I am not an expert in teaching girls some of the social graces I have named (I learned a masculine version of the rules), I know them when I see them.” So, dear Doctor, do tell, what precisely is the *masculine version* of not belching at the table? Do men place the napkin on their heads? I mean, I understand you do not think a boy would ever need to be taught where to place the silverware, since he must always expect to have a woman in his life, whether wife or mother, to wait upon him, but surely the *masculine version* of not picking one’s teeth at the dinner table cannot be too terribly different from the *feminine version* of not picking one’s teeth at the dinner table?
Dr. Dobson does frequently site statistics to support his assertions, but if you are fairly well read on the topics he discusses, you may often note his very selective use of studies. There are also times when he offers no hard data at all to support his assertions. For example, he says sleepovers should be a thing of the past because pedophilia and molestation are so much more common today than they used to be. Yet he doesn’t actually marshal any hard statistics to back this claim of rampant pedophilia. In fact, there was a substantial decline in child molestation cases in the 1990’s. Instead of noting this positive news, however, Dr. Dobson trots out the old cliché that the world has changed and become more dangerous and that it just isn’t as safe as it was when we were kids. Indeed, quite a bit of what he says in this book seems to feed the parental culture of fear that has contributed to the modern trend of helicopter parenting. There’s a lot of doom and gloom about the state of society, but not as much practical advice as there is warning.
The evangelical preoccupation with sex shines through in this book. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for teaching my daughter the virtue of chastity and self-respect and the danger of dressing like a Bratz doll and getting fall-down drunk at a frat party. I’m not talking about that – I’m talking about this near-obsession with the potential danger of anything in any way related to sex.
Dobson moves from sex-related concern to sex-related concern in “Bringing Up Girls.” He repeatedly expresses horror at the idea of a girl taking the initiative in a romantic relationship (i.e. asking a boy on a date or making it known that she is interested in him); he suggests that fathers are going to feel awkward because of their “involuntary attraction” to their “developed” adolescent daughters but that they ought to hug them plenty anyway; he insists that a mom not let her daughter’s friend sleep over while only her husband is at home because even though “the motives” of her husband are “probably” honorable, “the potential for danger is just TOO great”; he rules out entirely the possibility of a teenage boy ever babysitting another child because “there is so much going on sexually within males at that age”; and he describes puberty as a time of constant and overwhelming hormonal crisis with ”additional dangers for early maturing girls”.
At least he doesn’t seem nearly as concerned that you might do something that contributes to turning your daughter into a lesbian as he was that your parenting failures might turn your son gay in “Bringing up Boys.” In “Bringing up Girls,” he’s less concerned about the threat of homosexuality and more concerned that you might turn your daughter into a heterosexual young woman who doesn’t wait patiently and silently by the phone.
Despite being an evangelical Christian in charge of a Christian organization, Dr. Dobson inserts Christianity toward the end of his book almost as an afterthought. He seems far more concerned with promoting social and moral conservatism than with promoting the Gospel. (I am reminded of what C.S. Lewis had to say about people using the Gospel as a means to some other end.)
Dobson does make some good points, such as that fathers should affirm their girls and be a regularly involved part of their lives, that it’s not good for girls, psychologically speaking, to be treated like (and to see other girls treated like) a hunk of meat, and that one should keep an eye on their kids' use of technology (the best chapter of the book, which was not written by Dobson at all, but by another member of Focus on the Family). Of course, I’m not sure I needed to read an entire book by Dr. Dobson to be made aware of any of these things, all of which are discussed extensively elsewhere. There are some sections in this book I do think dads should read because of their insight into the challenges girls (specifcially) face and their encouragement to fathers to be deeply involved in the lives of their girls.
What practical advice he does offer is primarily focused on self-esteem and a girl’s need for affirmation of her physical beauty, as if a girl’s sole concern is and always will be to attract boys. There is very little about a girl’s need to have her intelligence or her talents praised, about academic concerns or challenges facing girls, about the intellectual education of girls in general, about helping girls to discern their vocations, about raising a girl, indeed, to have any deep personal interest beyond that of a girlfriend, wife, or mother. Not that the calling of a wife and mother isn’t significant and honorable, and not that I haven’t pursued those roles myself, but not every woman will become a wife, not every wife will become a mother, and not every wife and a mother will be solely a wife and a mother. There were times when, for me, Dobson’s traditionalism (with which I am okay) seemed to cross over into chauvinism (with which I am not okay).
Perhaps it is only Dr. Dobson’s frequently condescending tone (complemented by an excessive use of exclamation points) that leads me to think his views border on chauvinism. One early passage caused me to shake my head. Dr. Dobson is talking about how we need to teach our little girl manners, such as where to place silverware, to put a napkin in her lap, not to talk with her mouth full, and not to belch or pick her teeth at the table. He then says, “Although I am not an expert in teaching girls some of the social graces I have named (I learned a masculine version of the rules), I know them when I see them.” So, dear Doctor, do tell, what precisely is the *masculine version* of not belching at the table? Do men place the napkin on their heads? I mean, I understand you do not think a boy would ever need to be taught where to place the silverware, since he must always expect to have a woman in his life, whether wife or mother, to wait upon him, but surely the *masculine version* of not picking one’s teeth at the dinner table cannot be too terribly different from the *feminine version* of not picking one’s teeth at the dinner table?
Dr. Dobson does frequently site statistics to support his assertions, but if you are fairly well read on the topics he discusses, you may often note his very selective use of studies. There are also times when he offers no hard data at all to support his assertions. For example, he says sleepovers should be a thing of the past because pedophilia and molestation are so much more common today than they used to be. Yet he doesn’t actually marshal any hard statistics to back this claim of rampant pedophilia. In fact, there was a substantial decline in child molestation cases in the 1990’s. Instead of noting this positive news, however, Dr. Dobson trots out the old cliché that the world has changed and become more dangerous and that it just isn’t as safe as it was when we were kids. Indeed, quite a bit of what he says in this book seems to feed the parental culture of fear that has contributed to the modern trend of helicopter parenting. There’s a lot of doom and gloom about the state of society, but not as much practical advice as there is warning.
The evangelical preoccupation with sex shines through in this book. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for teaching my daughter the virtue of chastity and self-respect and the danger of dressing like a Bratz doll and getting fall-down drunk at a frat party. I’m not talking about that – I’m talking about this near-obsession with the potential danger of anything in any way related to sex.
Dobson moves from sex-related concern to sex-related concern in “Bringing Up Girls.” He repeatedly expresses horror at the idea of a girl taking the initiative in a romantic relationship (i.e. asking a boy on a date or making it known that she is interested in him); he suggests that fathers are going to feel awkward because of their “involuntary attraction” to their “developed” adolescent daughters but that they ought to hug them plenty anyway; he insists that a mom not let her daughter’s friend sleep over while only her husband is at home because even though “the motives” of her husband are “probably” honorable, “the potential for danger is just TOO great”; he rules out entirely the possibility of a teenage boy ever babysitting another child because “there is so much going on sexually within males at that age”; and he describes puberty as a time of constant and overwhelming hormonal crisis with ”additional dangers for early maturing girls”.
At least he doesn’t seem nearly as concerned that you might do something that contributes to turning your daughter into a lesbian as he was that your parenting failures might turn your son gay in “Bringing up Boys.” In “Bringing up Girls,” he’s less concerned about the threat of homosexuality and more concerned that you might turn your daughter into a heterosexual young woman who doesn’t wait patiently and silently by the phone.
Despite being an evangelical Christian in charge of a Christian organization, Dr. Dobson inserts Christianity toward the end of his book almost as an afterthought. He seems far more concerned with promoting social and moral conservatism than with promoting the Gospel. (I am reminded of what C.S. Lewis had to say about people using the Gospel as a means to some other end.)
Dobson does make some good points, such as that fathers should affirm their girls and be a regularly involved part of their lives, that it’s not good for girls, psychologically speaking, to be treated like (and to see other girls treated like) a hunk of meat, and that one should keep an eye on their kids' use of technology (the best chapter of the book, which was not written by Dobson at all, but by another member of Focus on the Family). Of course, I’m not sure I needed to read an entire book by Dr. Dobson to be made aware of any of these things, all of which are discussed extensively elsewhere. There are some sections in this book I do think dads should read because of their insight into the challenges girls (specifcially) face and their encouragement to fathers to be deeply involved in the lives of their girls.
April 25, 2021
Before I get into all the reasons I found this book frustrating (and trust me, they were numerous), I want to take a moment to recognize the things I liked about this book. Because it does bring up good points. It encourages involved parents, engaged dads, and occasional counseling. It also references numerous other books which provides a launching pad for further research.
In fact, it is those other books that lead me to say: I don't think Dr. Dobson wanted to write this book.
Not in the same way he clearly wanted to write Bringing Up Boys. When you factor the length of time between the two books, the frequent references to other writers, and the ad nauseum quotations from his own radio broadcast, interviews, and books, it all adds up to a hodgepodge of content lacking a strong takeaway.
Unfortunately, the takeaways that remain both date this book and provide a frustratingly simplistic portrayal of women
To be clear, I am as close to the intended audience as I can get as a non-mom. I am an evangelical Christian. I own a purity ring. I grew up listening to Adventures in Odyssey. I was homeschooled for religious reasons. I currently work with homeschool families. Politically, I'm conservative. I've visited Focus on the Family's headquarters and toured Whit's End.
And this morning I had a long debate with myself in the mirror over whether I looked like a hooker despite 85% of my skin being covered. (Even more damning, after the internal debate I went and changed.)
My point? If anyone ought to be receptive to this book, it would be me. This was the ideology I clung to in high school.
Today it just drives me crazy.
First off, the Bible plays almost no role in this book. A whole bunch of verses from Exodus and the minor prophets get shoved in at the end when discussing modesty and purity. But for the most part, the absence of Scripture is telling. Which I guess to some degree I'm grateful for. At least the book doesn't try and pretend it portrays God's view of womanhood. At the same time, this is a book aimed at evangelical Christians. If ever there was a place to examine how to raise strong, Biblical children, it would be here.
Second, this book doesn't really dwell a whole bunch on raising strong, Biblical children. It does center on little girls being kept at the level of "sugar, spice, and everything nice." That rhyme, referenced at the beginning of the book, very much expresses the cringey, paternalistic tone adopted by Dr. Dobson when referring to daughters throughout. Little girls are sweet, nurturing creatures with good handwriting designed to please their parents until they reach the horrors of puberty. Once your daughter reaches the horrors of puberty, you put down boundaries and try to steer them away from boys until Prince Charming shows up and takes over the job.
In the meantime, you do all you can to keep them your innocent little angels, knowing the culture will do everything it can to turn them into sexpots. (A favorite word in this book.)
I certainly agree that we shouldn't try and grow our girls up too soon. I didn't mind his random praise of Disney princess culture (though his hatred of Barbie irked me. That's a rant for another day.) The problem is that he (1) portrays all little girls as fluffy bundles of affection who wear pink and turn trucks into baby dolls and (2) spends an inordinate amount of time on body image.
Maybe all little girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice. I wasn't. But we'll accept that premise. You know who definitely aren't made of sugar, spice, and everything nice? Women.
Women deal with life. We suffer tragedy, experience love, set lofty goals, pine with loneliness, and strive for our place in the world. We handle all the crap men do but with menstrual cramps thrown in.
So, yes, telling your daughter she is beautiful, giving her frequent hugs, and monitoring her love-life might provide necessary boundaries for her. But it won't instill in her the inner strength to handle life. It won't help your innocent little angel transition into a woman.
And I think that's my main frustration with this book. You can raise your daughter in a hothouse, but eventually she will come face to face with the world. So, here is a crazy thought, maybe your goal shouldn't be centered on protecting her virginity. Maybe you should center it on raising a strong woman who knows where her identity comes from. And maybe we don't tie that identity to whether she holds hands with a boy before she gets married.
Let me tell you from personal experience, that kind of attitude can cause about as much harm as it intends to prevent.
(Okay, maybe not physically. You won't get an STD from abstinence. But body issues, belonging, identity, shame...all those things crop up just as regularly, if for different reasons, in the purity culture.)
I don't intend to make this review a play-by-play of all the times I ~literally~ swore out loud listening to this book. But one story near the end really illustrates my frustration.
Dr. Dobson tells the story of a 16-year-old girl on her birthday. She's delighted she can now date, per her family's house rules. Her parents take her out for dinner and give her a charm bracelet full of precious jewels. They tell her each jewel stands for one action with a boy: holding hands, saying 'I love you', kissing, etc.. They then say she only has one rule governing her love life: if she does one of those actions with a boy, she must give him the corresponding charm. The girl accepts this. One day at the beach, a boy *gasp* tries to hold her hand. She feels all excited until she realizes she will have to hand over one of her charms if she holds hands with him. So she rebuffs him.
This goes on till she meets a boy (oddly enough named Kevin) who finds the whole charm bracelet thing adorable. Eventually he proposes. Her full charm bracelet is in tack. On her wedding day she gives it to him. The end.
Dr. Dobson then encourages parents to share this story with their daughters.
I don't really know where to start with this story, but I think it illustrates the many problems with this book's fixation on keeping girls innocent (and if not innocent, at least virginal.) First, every action centers on something physical. There is no mention of emotional purity. (Which does not mean I want the story to add a second chapter where she gets an ankle bracelet and they tell her, 'every time you have a crush on a boy, give him a charm'!) I mean it emphasizes not good character or responsible behavior, but lines that Must Not Be Crossed. It then heaps shame on girls who do cross those lines. The book even references "spiritual virginity" (or something to that effect) for girls who discover the error of their ways and start behaving "properly" again.
The "why" for virginity centers on a blessed future where virginal young women eventually marry virginal young men (after being properly pursued, of course! a young woman must never ask a young man out) and they live in virginal bliss.
Or, perhaps not virginal, because these young women will soon become young moms who must stay home to raise their kids unless financial necessity requires them to work.
I am all for virginity. I think as a culture we tend to dismiss it too lightly. But I don't think the 'why' should depend on some expected future reward. The best portrayal of a healthy 'why' I read recently came from Pastor Andy Stanley's The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating. Teach your daughter to value herself, not for her virginity, or even for her femininity, but because God loves her. Teach her to find confidence in her relationship with God, not her relationship with a man.
That's how you bring up girls. Not by babying them until hormones make them horny, at which point you fence them in until they can act on their horniness in a God-honoring way.
I mentioned at the beginning that this book feels dated. References to BlackBerry phones, iPods, and low-rise jeans will do that. The overarching message about watching the content your daughter consumes actually holds merit. But the specify with which Dr. Dobson references the "terrifying" world we are bringing our girls into all too often makes him sound out of touch. Much like the small church I grew up in, he spends so much time warning that the sky is falling that he fails to notice the people around him crushed by the weight of the world.
If you found merit in this book, I congratulate you and wish you well as a parent. Like I said, broadly speaking he provides some good thoughts. But on a specific level, I found his tone demeaning to little girls and the women they will become.
In fact, it is those other books that lead me to say: I don't think Dr. Dobson wanted to write this book.
Not in the same way he clearly wanted to write Bringing Up Boys. When you factor the length of time between the two books, the frequent references to other writers, and the ad nauseum quotations from his own radio broadcast, interviews, and books, it all adds up to a hodgepodge of content lacking a strong takeaway.
Unfortunately, the takeaways that remain both date this book and provide a frustratingly simplistic portrayal of women
To be clear, I am as close to the intended audience as I can get as a non-mom. I am an evangelical Christian. I own a purity ring. I grew up listening to Adventures in Odyssey. I was homeschooled for religious reasons. I currently work with homeschool families. Politically, I'm conservative. I've visited Focus on the Family's headquarters and toured Whit's End.
And this morning I had a long debate with myself in the mirror over whether I looked like a hooker despite 85% of my skin being covered. (Even more damning, after the internal debate I went and changed.)
My point? If anyone ought to be receptive to this book, it would be me. This was the ideology I clung to in high school.
Today it just drives me crazy.
First off, the Bible plays almost no role in this book. A whole bunch of verses from Exodus and the minor prophets get shoved in at the end when discussing modesty and purity. But for the most part, the absence of Scripture is telling. Which I guess to some degree I'm grateful for. At least the book doesn't try and pretend it portrays God's view of womanhood. At the same time, this is a book aimed at evangelical Christians. If ever there was a place to examine how to raise strong, Biblical children, it would be here.
Second, this book doesn't really dwell a whole bunch on raising strong, Biblical children. It does center on little girls being kept at the level of "sugar, spice, and everything nice." That rhyme, referenced at the beginning of the book, very much expresses the cringey, paternalistic tone adopted by Dr. Dobson when referring to daughters throughout. Little girls are sweet, nurturing creatures with good handwriting designed to please their parents until they reach the horrors of puberty. Once your daughter reaches the horrors of puberty, you put down boundaries and try to steer them away from boys until Prince Charming shows up and takes over the job.
In the meantime, you do all you can to keep them your innocent little angels, knowing the culture will do everything it can to turn them into sexpots. (A favorite word in this book.)
I certainly agree that we shouldn't try and grow our girls up too soon. I didn't mind his random praise of Disney princess culture (though his hatred of Barbie irked me. That's a rant for another day.) The problem is that he (1) portrays all little girls as fluffy bundles of affection who wear pink and turn trucks into baby dolls and (2) spends an inordinate amount of time on body image.
Maybe all little girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice. I wasn't. But we'll accept that premise. You know who definitely aren't made of sugar, spice, and everything nice? Women.
Women deal with life. We suffer tragedy, experience love, set lofty goals, pine with loneliness, and strive for our place in the world. We handle all the crap men do but with menstrual cramps thrown in.
So, yes, telling your daughter she is beautiful, giving her frequent hugs, and monitoring her love-life might provide necessary boundaries for her. But it won't instill in her the inner strength to handle life. It won't help your innocent little angel transition into a woman.
And I think that's my main frustration with this book. You can raise your daughter in a hothouse, but eventually she will come face to face with the world. So, here is a crazy thought, maybe your goal shouldn't be centered on protecting her virginity. Maybe you should center it on raising a strong woman who knows where her identity comes from. And maybe we don't tie that identity to whether she holds hands with a boy before she gets married.
Let me tell you from personal experience, that kind of attitude can cause about as much harm as it intends to prevent.
(Okay, maybe not physically. You won't get an STD from abstinence. But body issues, belonging, identity, shame...all those things crop up just as regularly, if for different reasons, in the purity culture.)
I don't intend to make this review a play-by-play of all the times I ~literally~ swore out loud listening to this book. But one story near the end really illustrates my frustration.
Dr. Dobson tells the story of a 16-year-old girl on her birthday. She's delighted she can now date, per her family's house rules. Her parents take her out for dinner and give her a charm bracelet full of precious jewels. They tell her each jewel stands for one action with a boy: holding hands, saying 'I love you', kissing, etc.. They then say she only has one rule governing her love life: if she does one of those actions with a boy, she must give him the corresponding charm. The girl accepts this. One day at the beach, a boy *gasp* tries to hold her hand. She feels all excited until she realizes she will have to hand over one of her charms if she holds hands with him. So she rebuffs him.
This goes on till she meets a boy (oddly enough named Kevin) who finds the whole charm bracelet thing adorable. Eventually he proposes. Her full charm bracelet is in tack. On her wedding day she gives it to him. The end.
Dr. Dobson then encourages parents to share this story with their daughters.
I don't really know where to start with this story, but I think it illustrates the many problems with this book's fixation on keeping girls innocent (and if not innocent, at least virginal.) First, every action centers on something physical. There is no mention of emotional purity. (Which does not mean I want the story to add a second chapter where she gets an ankle bracelet and they tell her, 'every time you have a crush on a boy, give him a charm'!) I mean it emphasizes not good character or responsible behavior, but lines that Must Not Be Crossed. It then heaps shame on girls who do cross those lines. The book even references "spiritual virginity" (or something to that effect) for girls who discover the error of their ways and start behaving "properly" again.
The "why" for virginity centers on a blessed future where virginal young women eventually marry virginal young men (after being properly pursued, of course! a young woman must never ask a young man out) and they live in virginal bliss.
Or, perhaps not virginal, because these young women will soon become young moms who must stay home to raise their kids unless financial necessity requires them to work.
I am all for virginity. I think as a culture we tend to dismiss it too lightly. But I don't think the 'why' should depend on some expected future reward. The best portrayal of a healthy 'why' I read recently came from Pastor Andy Stanley's The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating. Teach your daughter to value herself, not for her virginity, or even for her femininity, but because God loves her. Teach her to find confidence in her relationship with God, not her relationship with a man.
That's how you bring up girls. Not by babying them until hormones make them horny, at which point you fence them in until they can act on their horniness in a God-honoring way.
I mentioned at the beginning that this book feels dated. References to BlackBerry phones, iPods, and low-rise jeans will do that. The overarching message about watching the content your daughter consumes actually holds merit. But the specify with which Dr. Dobson references the "terrifying" world we are bringing our girls into all too often makes him sound out of touch. Much like the small church I grew up in, he spends so much time warning that the sky is falling that he fails to notice the people around him crushed by the weight of the world.
If you found merit in this book, I congratulate you and wish you well as a parent. Like I said, broadly speaking he provides some good thoughts. But on a specific level, I found his tone demeaning to little girls and the women they will become.
May 27, 2013
I was very skeptical about this book from the start. I basically read it so I would be able to talk knowledgeably about why I disliked it. But what I discovered was that despite some major issues with Dr. Dobson's book, there are still a few parts that were so insightful I think they make it worth reading.
My main complaint about this book is that Dr. Dobson narrows down morality to whether or not a girl has premarital sex - if she does, she's immoral and if she doesn't she's moral. This, in my opinion, is ridiculous and is a major flaw with how many live out the evangelical Christian lifestyle. It focuses solely on external behavior and ignores the heart. Raising moral children is not about behavior management, but about guiding and influencing a child's heart. The behavior is just a reflection of where the heart is. Dobson's continuous and obsessive focus on premarital sex completely drowned out any other point he might have tried to make.
Another complaint is that a large portion of this book (at least five different chapters or large portions of them) were merely reprinted articles or transcripts of his radio broadcast. It was like he took the easy route and just repurposed work he (or someone else) had already done. This surprised me.
And one other complaint is that the language he uses in this book makes him seem old and completely out of touch with today's culture. He uses the word "sexpot" several times in reference to what our daughters might become. He also equated body piercings and tattoos - even one time mentioning a nose ring - with cutting and mutilating the body.
However, that said, I found a lot of value in the parts where Dobson was speaking as a doctor and not an evangelical. He introduced me to the idea of "juvenile puberty" which completely explained my highly dramatic two and half year old. The information about what happens physiologically to children (both in and out of the womb) was fascinating. I also appreciated the emphasis and all the insights on how important a father is in raising a daughter.
Read this book with a large grain (or even a shaker full) of salt.
My main complaint about this book is that Dr. Dobson narrows down morality to whether or not a girl has premarital sex - if she does, she's immoral and if she doesn't she's moral. This, in my opinion, is ridiculous and is a major flaw with how many live out the evangelical Christian lifestyle. It focuses solely on external behavior and ignores the heart. Raising moral children is not about behavior management, but about guiding and influencing a child's heart. The behavior is just a reflection of where the heart is. Dobson's continuous and obsessive focus on premarital sex completely drowned out any other point he might have tried to make.
Another complaint is that a large portion of this book (at least five different chapters or large portions of them) were merely reprinted articles or transcripts of his radio broadcast. It was like he took the easy route and just repurposed work he (or someone else) had already done. This surprised me.
And one other complaint is that the language he uses in this book makes him seem old and completely out of touch with today's culture. He uses the word "sexpot" several times in reference to what our daughters might become. He also equated body piercings and tattoos - even one time mentioning a nose ring - with cutting and mutilating the body.
However, that said, I found a lot of value in the parts where Dobson was speaking as a doctor and not an evangelical. He introduced me to the idea of "juvenile puberty" which completely explained my highly dramatic two and half year old. The information about what happens physiologically to children (both in and out of the womb) was fascinating. I also appreciated the emphasis and all the insights on how important a father is in raising a daughter.
Read this book with a large grain (or even a shaker full) of salt.
August 24, 2019
I'm a collector of parental literature. I love being a parent and I love the scientific method. There are answers to most of our problems in books, including those we run into with our babies. So I read multiple books and try multiple methods until I find something that works for me and for my daughters. This book, however, was God-awful (pun intended). Didn't finish it. So much of what he says annoys me. And his harping on sex, sex, sex is bothersome too. Super chauvinistic. I wish someone had told me how focused he is on religion and what an agenda he has. His constant harping on the "good old days" is such BS. Right Dobson, because it was better when women didn't have any choices and they couldn't vote. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for traditional values when it comes to manners and respecting adults; for doing chores, learning humility, kindness, charity, responsibility, moral strength and a host of other character traits. But this book doesn't seem to be a help to me in raising my girls to be any of those things. (okay maybe there's some stuff that was okay, but overall, I can safely say that I think this book is a waste of parent's time).
April 8, 2011
Bah.... If you want to be terrified of our hypersexualized culture and what it means for girls, read this book. I felt like most of the book focused on what's between girls legs, than what was in her head and heart. If you missed sex-ed and need to be reaquainted with hormones and what happens during puberty, read this.
There were some good messages in here about the importance of a strong, loving, affectionate father - the impact he has on a developing girl. A good reminder for me on the importance of filtering movies, internet content...
I kept hoping it would get better. It didnt.
There were some good messages in here about the importance of a strong, loving, affectionate father - the impact he has on a developing girl. A good reminder for me on the importance of filtering movies, internet content...
I kept hoping it would get better. It didnt.
January 23, 2015
You know that question: If there is one person you could have coffee with - who would it be? My person would indubitably be Dr. James Dobson. I can't give Dobson enough praise for this highly insightful and brilliantly researched book. Childrearing is a daunting endeavor; however, with practical wisdom and a strong foundation in the Lord, it doesn't seem as overwhelming. I'm so very appreciative to Dobson for taking the time to write this book!
October 7, 2015
Anti liberal, anti feminist, and anti Girl Scout.
Anti Girl Scout and harps on the values of the Republican Party. There are good, God loving parents on the liberal side as well who believe in social justice which is more inline with Christ than judgments in this book. I would recommend this book to only Republican bible thumpers. Liberal Christians will leave it with hurt feelings.
Anti Girl Scout and harps on the values of the Republican Party. There are good, God loving parents on the liberal side as well who believe in social justice which is more inline with Christ than judgments in this book. I would recommend this book to only Republican bible thumpers. Liberal Christians will leave it with hurt feelings.
February 20, 2012
I loved this book. Some may consider it radical and caught in the olden days, but I think it is necessary and challenging and a call for us to take our role as parents seriously, recognizing the great privilege and responsibility that it is.
I pulled so many great things from this book and will be coming back to it as my daughter continues to get older.
I pulled so many great things from this book and will be coming back to it as my daughter continues to get older.
June 18, 2010
MY REVIEW:
The title of this book pretty much sums up the overall point of this book - bringing up Girls. I, along with many other parents of girls, desire to know how best to raise our daughters, especially during those moments of drama, emotions, and crying that even us grown-up girls just don't "get".
Dr. Dobson presents the basic make-up of a girl both emotionally and physically which aids you in better understanding what girls are experiencing at the various stages they go through. Through out this book he has great insight as well as some practical direction that will help parents of girls. However, for as good as the advice may be, there is one component that really bothers me. Dr. Dobson uses self-esteem as the primary area to focus on in order to "cure" the problems our girls - young and old - face on a routine basis. In my personal opinion based on the lens of Scripture, our girls don't need more self-esteem, they need the love and esteem of Jesus Christ. While Dobson talks about the importance of faith, I feel that he misses the extent and power of the Word of God and the love of God to overcome the challenges our daughters face.
I greatly appreciate some of the concepts and thoughts Dr. Dobson shares, especially his concern for preparing your child for adolescents. But due to the amount of stuff I don't agree with, I can not recommend this book for reading. If you have all the time in the world to read then I might say "read it with great discernment", but if you do not have much time I think there are better parenting books to read that will give sound Biblical advice.
* * * * *
This review copy was provided Tyndale House Publishers, but the opinions expressed are purely my own.
The title of this book pretty much sums up the overall point of this book - bringing up Girls. I, along with many other parents of girls, desire to know how best to raise our daughters, especially during those moments of drama, emotions, and crying that even us grown-up girls just don't "get".
Dr. Dobson presents the basic make-up of a girl both emotionally and physically which aids you in better understanding what girls are experiencing at the various stages they go through. Through out this book he has great insight as well as some practical direction that will help parents of girls. However, for as good as the advice may be, there is one component that really bothers me. Dr. Dobson uses self-esteem as the primary area to focus on in order to "cure" the problems our girls - young and old - face on a routine basis. In my personal opinion based on the lens of Scripture, our girls don't need more self-esteem, they need the love and esteem of Jesus Christ. While Dobson talks about the importance of faith, I feel that he misses the extent and power of the Word of God and the love of God to overcome the challenges our daughters face.
I greatly appreciate some of the concepts and thoughts Dr. Dobson shares, especially his concern for preparing your child for adolescents. But due to the amount of stuff I don't agree with, I can not recommend this book for reading. If you have all the time in the world to read then I might say "read it with great discernment", but if you do not have much time I think there are better parenting books to read that will give sound Biblical advice.
* * * * *
This review copy was provided Tyndale House Publishers, but the opinions expressed are purely my own.
May 29, 2010
James Dobson has certainly written a helpful book. Bringing Up Girls brings together the best of research concerning trends that affect girls today as well as timeless truth about the need for parent to be, well, parents to their girls.
As a father I was especially interested to read what Dobson had to say about the role of fathers in the raising of their girls. I was not disappointed, but was challenged to be a better father because of this book. Dads, we are needed in our homes and we are needed by our daughters.
Dobson points out that girls are different from boys (sadly, we need to be reminded of that in our day) and have unique needs. He then points out to us how to respond to those needs.
One thing that I appreciate is how Dobson brings in the relevant issues of today's media saturation and the dangers of online media. At the same time he makes this something that will not necessarily be dated when the media changes. In all of these things Dobson reminds parents to be proactive, involved, firm, and loving as they deal with their daughters.
One thing that stood out to me was that Dobson emphasized the need of girls to feel beautiful. They need affirmation from their mothers and their fathers. This is indeed important. I can see that in my own five year old daughter. While we must affirm their own unique beauty, fathers must also care enough to set boundaries so that their daughters will have the security of being cared for, protected, and loved.
So very many positive things could be said about this book. I shall simply conclude by recommending it to those who have daughters. It is helpful and needful.
Thanks to Tyndale for this review copy. It was provided freely with no expectation of a positive review.
As a father I was especially interested to read what Dobson had to say about the role of fathers in the raising of their girls. I was not disappointed, but was challenged to be a better father because of this book. Dads, we are needed in our homes and we are needed by our daughters.
Dobson points out that girls are different from boys (sadly, we need to be reminded of that in our day) and have unique needs. He then points out to us how to respond to those needs.
One thing that I appreciate is how Dobson brings in the relevant issues of today's media saturation and the dangers of online media. At the same time he makes this something that will not necessarily be dated when the media changes. In all of these things Dobson reminds parents to be proactive, involved, firm, and loving as they deal with their daughters.
One thing that stood out to me was that Dobson emphasized the need of girls to feel beautiful. They need affirmation from their mothers and their fathers. This is indeed important. I can see that in my own five year old daughter. While we must affirm their own unique beauty, fathers must also care enough to set boundaries so that their daughters will have the security of being cared for, protected, and loved.
So very many positive things could be said about this book. I shall simply conclude by recommending it to those who have daughters. It is helpful and needful.
Thanks to Tyndale for this review copy. It was provided freely with no expectation of a positive review.
October 17, 2010
I liked some of it. A lot of what I liked was quotes from other authors. I wish there was more meat, and not so much of "this is the world your girls are living in". I wanted more specific ideas on how to raise my daughters better than I already am. I didn't get a lot of that.
June 29, 2011
This is a very comprehensive book on raising Christian girls in today's world. Dr. Dobson addresses many issues, including teaching girls to be ladies, purity, how to protect our daughters from technology, and the importance of both mother and father to a girl. He cites a lot of research, gives anecdotal evidence, and quotes from other sources to support his ideas. This book gave me a lot to think about and things for my husband and I to discuss, once he reads it, pertaining to our own girls. I really liked that this book is written from a Christian perspective and acknowledges that girls have an innate desire to know that they're beautiful and worth fighting for. So much in today's culture seems to focus on not addressing beauty and instead focuses on teaching girls that they are equal to boys and can/should do everything they do. I personally don't agree with this and Dr. Dobson gives a great explanation on how boys and girls are different neurologically. He devotes individual chapters to the relationship between mothers and daughters and fathers and daughters, citing the importance of each parent and offering suggestions for alternatives if one parent is absent. While a lot of the information in this book can leave a parent feeling worried and afraid for their daughter, he has an excellent discussion on what is great about girls, giving promising statistics and sharing how girls are beginning to understand that morality and modesty are important to them. I think this a book that should be read by anyone raising a girl. I highly recommend it.
March 30, 2012
I wanted to like this book more than I did. I'm not a huge Dobson fan, for various reasons, but he's at his best when he sticks to child develoment issues. That is, after all, where he is educated and has his professional experience. The book is the strongest when it is giving the physiological background for why girls behave the way they do at different ages, and some of the tips on how to help your daughter through difficult transitions are very useful. It is, in a way, written more for dads than moms, probably because dads may not realize their importance in the life of their daughters and may think they are only there to show their boys how to be manly.
My complaints with the book are the endless amount of time he spends talking about the dangers of sexual immorality in girls. We get it. I also got it 4 chapters ago when you started discussing it, and you're still discussing it now. Chances are if a person picks up a book by Dobson they probably already lean to the right anyway. His points are absolutely valid, and I completely agree, but my time in reading is precious - move on. I also didn't like the verbatim transcripts of group discussions he's had with teenagers, because when you're reading it on a page rather than hearing the emotion in a discussion you lose the power of it, and the good doctor comes across as patronizing.
That all sounds really picky - this book is worth reading as a reminder of the importance of being involved with our daughter's lives, but you probably could skim some of it when it gets repetitive.
My complaints with the book are the endless amount of time he spends talking about the dangers of sexual immorality in girls. We get it. I also got it 4 chapters ago when you started discussing it, and you're still discussing it now. Chances are if a person picks up a book by Dobson they probably already lean to the right anyway. His points are absolutely valid, and I completely agree, but my time in reading is precious - move on. I also didn't like the verbatim transcripts of group discussions he's had with teenagers, because when you're reading it on a page rather than hearing the emotion in a discussion you lose the power of it, and the good doctor comes across as patronizing.
That all sounds really picky - this book is worth reading as a reminder of the importance of being involved with our daughter's lives, but you probably could skim some of it when it gets repetitive.
August 9, 2012
I wanted to like this book a lot. But it fell short of my expectations. I do like Dobson and have participated in some of his child development/ discipline/ instructing children studies. The strength of the book is in the data and information about the cultural landscape our daughters face and how they can and will be affected by media, promiscuity, etc, but there is not a great deal of practical advice. More like "keep your eyes open" parents.
I prayed that God would show me what to glean from this book, and I'd encourage all Christians to do the same when they read Christian literature. For me, I gleaned the most in realizing that hormones CAN and DO affect women, and their daughters. When my daughter is having a melt down, I have more compassion on her inability to "pull it together" because I have had moments like that, where my world seems to be falling apart while the reality is just a few dust bunnies and a sink full of dishes.
I'm sure God will show you what He needs to show you if you ask.
I prayed that God would show me what to glean from this book, and I'd encourage all Christians to do the same when they read Christian literature. For me, I gleaned the most in realizing that hormones CAN and DO affect women, and their daughters. When my daughter is having a melt down, I have more compassion on her inability to "pull it together" because I have had moments like that, where my world seems to be falling apart while the reality is just a few dust bunnies and a sink full of dishes.
I'm sure God will show you what He needs to show you if you ask.
September 14, 2012
If there was ever a book for me, this is it! With four of them, I'm a daughter specialist. I wouldn't describe Bringing Up Girls as a great book, but it was helpful in places. And as I often feel like a begger looking for food when it comes to parenting advice, I'll take it. The most significant negative was a relentless focus on external behaivour and morality rather than attitudes of the heart, although the gospel was discussed in the final chapter. There are healthy doses of moral outrage, predictions of societal doom, health statistics to keep you awake at night and plenty of ole time sentimentality. I was appalled at the occasional forays into politics, including a plug for a specific presidential candidate! On the other hand, the chapters about the crucial role Dads play in their daughters lives were personally inspiring and encouraging. There was also helpful information about physical/mental differences between boys and girls, beauty, puberty and bullying.
June 10, 2013
Some people thought that Dr. Dobson's format was not the greatest. I kind of wonder if these people have ever read a self-help book before, because his format (advice, stats, personal stories, etc.) was common for this type of book. My favorite part was the technology section. Thanks to him I now know about more options to protect my daughters from inappropriate footage on TV and in movies. Where was this technology when Twilight came out? Because my step-daugher is obsessed with it and it is VERY inappropriate for her 10-year-old eyes. I also liked his appendix for additional resources, and will be buying some of the books he recommended. This book made me laugh, cry, and I pray I will put into practice what I learned.
December 30, 2022
2.5 stars? Not as much practical advice as I was expecting/hoping. The majority of the book felt discouraging, describing the dangers of the world for girls today. I feel like, as a young mom, I grew up with these dangers and don’t really need them spelled out for me. Maybe it was helpful at the time it was written, for parents unfamiliar with technology?
My favorite chapters were the ones on dads and daughters. I was both encouraged by positive stories of dads being involved in loving and affirming their daughters, and saddened by dads who have deeply wounded their daughters either through their words or through their absence. Dads play such a vital and special role in a girl’s life, that any description of dad and daughter relationships make me emotional.
My least favorite chapters were the ones on sex. I think the way of teaching purity by scaring girls with worst-case scenarios or legalistic rules is typical of the purity culture in 2010 when this book was written. Yes, I agree that girls and all young people should value purity, and that there are dangers involved in sleeping around, but I think we ought to teach from a place of helping teens understand how beautiful and valuable sex is, and why they should want to protect it. I wasn’t a fan of what seemed like trying to scare parents with descriptions and statistics of worst-case scenarios.
I think the practical advice in this book was how important it is for both moms and dads to be involved in their daughter’s life (and to find a family member or friend to help fill in if one parent is absent). Other than that, I didn’t find many practical takeaways.
My favorite chapters were the ones on dads and daughters. I was both encouraged by positive stories of dads being involved in loving and affirming their daughters, and saddened by dads who have deeply wounded their daughters either through their words or through their absence. Dads play such a vital and special role in a girl’s life, that any description of dad and daughter relationships make me emotional.
My least favorite chapters were the ones on sex. I think the way of teaching purity by scaring girls with worst-case scenarios or legalistic rules is typical of the purity culture in 2010 when this book was written. Yes, I agree that girls and all young people should value purity, and that there are dangers involved in sleeping around, but I think we ought to teach from a place of helping teens understand how beautiful and valuable sex is, and why they should want to protect it. I wasn’t a fan of what seemed like trying to scare parents with descriptions and statistics of worst-case scenarios.
I think the practical advice in this book was how important it is for both moms and dads to be involved in their daughter’s life (and to find a family member or friend to help fill in if one parent is absent). Other than that, I didn’t find many practical takeaways.
February 10, 2021
I was not expecting to be frightened by this book. Not hiding under the covers frightened, but the frightening that occurs when you realize you have something hard to do and you aren't sure if you can. Fortunately, Dr. Dobson assures parents they can do this.
I am that dad who will knuckle down and be the dad my girls need. There is a whole culture out there that proclaims to be pro-woman/girl. It is this culture that is actually damaging our girls, sometimes driving them to suicide. This is a highlighted theme in this book. It is that culture that we as parents must fight.
This book is one of encouragement and hope. There is a dark side of raising girls we must face. Yet, we can never forget that they are sugar and spice and everything nice. This book is practical, eye opening, and a call to guard the preciousness of our girls.
I am that dad who will knuckle down and be the dad my girls need. There is a whole culture out there that proclaims to be pro-woman/girl. It is this culture that is actually damaging our girls, sometimes driving them to suicide. This is a highlighted theme in this book. It is that culture that we as parents must fight.
This book is one of encouragement and hope. There is a dark side of raising girls we must face. Yet, we can never forget that they are sugar and spice and everything nice. This book is practical, eye opening, and a call to guard the preciousness of our girls.
May 27, 2012
I’ve been wanting to read this book since it was released and now that I’ve read it I’m glad that I did. I’m not going to say that I agree with everything in this book – Dr. Dobson seems to think dating is the only way a girl is going to meet her future husband, but this is only going to lead to heartache and having different pieces of her heart being given away before she truly marries. There is a lot of good information in this book, and to me it doesn’t matter if Dr. Dobson quotes other sources or not, the information needs to be given out and I know I personally don’t have the time to read every, single book he mentions so having it condensed into one book is a huge and valuable time saver for me.
As a conservative Christian I do understand the importance of bringing up my girls to be pure, modest and chaste. This may seem old fashioned to the world at large, but so many girls are falling into depression, self mutilation, as well as heartache by giving their hearts to one boy after another, giving their bodies to boy after boy and chasing them – girls have become the aggressors and Dr. Dobson points out exactly why this isn’t good for girls and for boys. The importance of having a dad who is Christian and is there for them is stressed – dads shouldn’t back off when their daughters are turning into young ladies – because they need them all the more. I appreciate the candidness of the answers Dr. Dobson gives to parents such as a sleep over with female friend when only the dad is home – he says of course that it’s a bad idea. This is so true, my husband has seen first hand what a false accusation can do when a co-worker was accused by his step-daughter, one cannot take their reputation or their family’s safety for granted.
Some of the writing is common sense, such as the rise of pedophilia, but it isn’t done in a way that would scare the reader, in fact it just backed up everything I’ve already known, from studying social work, being involved in the mental health arena – most of what he said wasn’t new to me but was still an eye opener. As a victim of bullying I know the damage that is done, both in private and public schools, there are some, like me, who overcame it and no longer let the victimization live on but there are others whose lives are ruined because of long term bullying that isn’t stopped.
Overall, I think this is a good book and a must read for every mom and dad who are trying to bring up girls in a “unisex”, “feministic”, and “anti-feminine” culture. We have to know what we are up against so that our girls can grow into godly young ladies and eventually be women who go out to the serve the Lord but can do so with their confidence, hearts and purity intact. This book also affirmed in me why we home educate our children – it’s not to hide them from the world but to make sure when they enter the world they do so with a firm foundation in the Lord. Home education isn’t perfect and my oldest has already been exposed to girls who bully and intimidate, but thankfully she knows that we can talk and we can deal with it from a godly perspective. Again, while I don’t agree with everything in this book, the majority of it was very worth the time it took to read it.
**Disclaimer: I was provided a copy of this book from Tyndale House Publishing in exchange for posting my honest opinion, no other compensation was given.
As a conservative Christian I do understand the importance of bringing up my girls to be pure, modest and chaste. This may seem old fashioned to the world at large, but so many girls are falling into depression, self mutilation, as well as heartache by giving their hearts to one boy after another, giving their bodies to boy after boy and chasing them – girls have become the aggressors and Dr. Dobson points out exactly why this isn’t good for girls and for boys. The importance of having a dad who is Christian and is there for them is stressed – dads shouldn’t back off when their daughters are turning into young ladies – because they need them all the more. I appreciate the candidness of the answers Dr. Dobson gives to parents such as a sleep over with female friend when only the dad is home – he says of course that it’s a bad idea. This is so true, my husband has seen first hand what a false accusation can do when a co-worker was accused by his step-daughter, one cannot take their reputation or their family’s safety for granted.
Some of the writing is common sense, such as the rise of pedophilia, but it isn’t done in a way that would scare the reader, in fact it just backed up everything I’ve already known, from studying social work, being involved in the mental health arena – most of what he said wasn’t new to me but was still an eye opener. As a victim of bullying I know the damage that is done, both in private and public schools, there are some, like me, who overcame it and no longer let the victimization live on but there are others whose lives are ruined because of long term bullying that isn’t stopped.
Overall, I think this is a good book and a must read for every mom and dad who are trying to bring up girls in a “unisex”, “feministic”, and “anti-feminine” culture. We have to know what we are up against so that our girls can grow into godly young ladies and eventually be women who go out to the serve the Lord but can do so with their confidence, hearts and purity intact. This book also affirmed in me why we home educate our children – it’s not to hide them from the world but to make sure when they enter the world they do so with a firm foundation in the Lord. Home education isn’t perfect and my oldest has already been exposed to girls who bully and intimidate, but thankfully she knows that we can talk and we can deal with it from a godly perspective. Again, while I don’t agree with everything in this book, the majority of it was very worth the time it took to read it.
**Disclaimer: I was provided a copy of this book from Tyndale House Publishing in exchange for posting my honest opinion, no other compensation was given.
June 11, 2022
I have had this book sitting on shelf for a decade now. I bought it when my first daughter was 3, and I’be promised myself that I would someday read it. Well, tonight I decided to start working toward that promise. Within two pages I wanted to throw the book across the room.
There is so much in this book (or as much of it as I have read) that I do agree with. Girls have become hypersexualized at very young ages. Girls will thrive in a loving home environment.
However, there was SO much that made me cringe. I am a Christian and have always considered myself to be very conservative. However, being “conservative” has come to mean something very different to me over the past 6-7 years. When conservatives immediately start painting all liberals with a broad paintbrush of immorality and evil, I just get so upset. I am an independent voter. There are things that I consider sinful and can’t get behind on both sides of the fence.
The biggest problem I had with this book, however, was the seriously offensive sexism. For some reason, a lot of Christians have a hard time believing that there is a wide range of personalities within the genders. He describes girls as sweet, nurturing, kind (and quotes a song from a play called Gigi. The man who sings it is talking about how much he loves sweet little girls because then they grow up to be fun play things for old bachelors…) He says that he understands that girls can also have “rogue masculine qualities” of being short-tempered, mean, etc. I am offended for the men here. What makes those qualities masculine?! Women have been exhibiting these qualities since the beginning of time as well.
Anyway. I hated that the book was telling me to nurture my dainty flower of a daughter. Also, if I want to raise a righteous woman, I should consider not divorcing my husband even if the marriage is completely broken. Yes. That is what a girl needs. She needs to learn that sacrificing your sanity and happiness is what full-grown, dainty flowers do. That was when I threw the book in the garbage. I have an excellent marriage. I am lucky to have a husband that knows I crumble in the cage of the social expectations of Christian women. He celebrates my life path of discovering what I am capable of. He loves me more and treats me better than I knew a husband could. However, I know a LOT of women whose husbands are verbally or physically abusive. Staying in a marriage like that would do your daughter absolutely no favors.
I seriously had to throw the book away. I knew if I kept it out I would thumb through it again and it would make me more and more furious. I think a woman should be the one to write a book about raising daughters. Preferably a woman who knows she is strong and doesn’t have to fit into some perfect little box to be a good, conservative wife.
Skip it!
There is so much in this book (or as much of it as I have read) that I do agree with. Girls have become hypersexualized at very young ages. Girls will thrive in a loving home environment.
However, there was SO much that made me cringe. I am a Christian and have always considered myself to be very conservative. However, being “conservative” has come to mean something very different to me over the past 6-7 years. When conservatives immediately start painting all liberals with a broad paintbrush of immorality and evil, I just get so upset. I am an independent voter. There are things that I consider sinful and can’t get behind on both sides of the fence.
The biggest problem I had with this book, however, was the seriously offensive sexism. For some reason, a lot of Christians have a hard time believing that there is a wide range of personalities within the genders. He describes girls as sweet, nurturing, kind (and quotes a song from a play called Gigi. The man who sings it is talking about how much he loves sweet little girls because then they grow up to be fun play things for old bachelors…) He says that he understands that girls can also have “rogue masculine qualities” of being short-tempered, mean, etc. I am offended for the men here. What makes those qualities masculine?! Women have been exhibiting these qualities since the beginning of time as well.
Anyway. I hated that the book was telling me to nurture my dainty flower of a daughter. Also, if I want to raise a righteous woman, I should consider not divorcing my husband even if the marriage is completely broken. Yes. That is what a girl needs. She needs to learn that sacrificing your sanity and happiness is what full-grown, dainty flowers do. That was when I threw the book in the garbage. I have an excellent marriage. I am lucky to have a husband that knows I crumble in the cage of the social expectations of Christian women. He celebrates my life path of discovering what I am capable of. He loves me more and treats me better than I knew a husband could. However, I know a LOT of women whose husbands are verbally or physically abusive. Staying in a marriage like that would do your daughter absolutely no favors.
I seriously had to throw the book away. I knew if I kept it out I would thumb through it again and it would make me more and more furious. I think a woman should be the one to write a book about raising daughters. Preferably a woman who knows she is strong and doesn’t have to fit into some perfect little box to be a good, conservative wife.
Skip it!
November 3, 2012
I have long respected Dr. Dobson for his wisdom and knowledge concerning the well-being of families. I've admired his writings and ministry since before I was ever married or had my own children. He is a resource I always turn to when concerned with any aspect of marriage, parenting or family matters.
Many years ago, I purchased Bringing Up Boys. I had two of my own and one step-son at the time. I now have three of my own, and my step-son is grown and on his own. I loved the book and the insight into the world of boys.
When I was offered the opportunity to review Bringing Up Girls, I couldn't pass it up. Out of the five children I am raising, I've been blessed with one girl. In the sea of testosterone we live in, I wondered if I could successfully bring her up.
In Bringing Up Girls, Dr. Dobson addresses how to raise a lady, how to protect her from the men and the influences of this world, how to teach her to respect herself and what true beauty is. His advice is sound and biblical, and it is something I will apply every day as I teach Hannah how to become a woman of God.
I appreciate that Dr. Dobson includes multiple chapters that discuss the importance of a father in a girl's life. Mothers are important in teaching a girl how to become a woman, but daddies are important in teaching a girl how a man should treat her when she becomes that woman. Fathers don't need to be absent to be "absent." Girls are protected when their daddy pays attention and provides the nurture and affection she needs, so I am grateful that this aspect is included in Dr. Dobson's book.
Another aspect I love about Bringing Up Girls is the fact that Dr. Dobson uses interviews and articles and material from other resources. He doesn't just write the book himself; he includes the advice of others to reinforce what he advises. I love it when an author can recommend other resources, knowing that one person doesn't have all the answers. I appreciate this.
I highly recommend Bringing Up Girls for any parent who is leading a daughter into womanhood. It is a book that I will keep on my shelf until the day I can pass it on to one of my children as they raise their own daughters.
Many years ago, I purchased Bringing Up Boys. I had two of my own and one step-son at the time. I now have three of my own, and my step-son is grown and on his own. I loved the book and the insight into the world of boys.
When I was offered the opportunity to review Bringing Up Girls, I couldn't pass it up. Out of the five children I am raising, I've been blessed with one girl. In the sea of testosterone we live in, I wondered if I could successfully bring her up.
In Bringing Up Girls, Dr. Dobson addresses how to raise a lady, how to protect her from the men and the influences of this world, how to teach her to respect herself and what true beauty is. His advice is sound and biblical, and it is something I will apply every day as I teach Hannah how to become a woman of God.
I appreciate that Dr. Dobson includes multiple chapters that discuss the importance of a father in a girl's life. Mothers are important in teaching a girl how to become a woman, but daddies are important in teaching a girl how a man should treat her when she becomes that woman. Fathers don't need to be absent to be "absent." Girls are protected when their daddy pays attention and provides the nurture and affection she needs, so I am grateful that this aspect is included in Dr. Dobson's book.
Another aspect I love about Bringing Up Girls is the fact that Dr. Dobson uses interviews and articles and material from other resources. He doesn't just write the book himself; he includes the advice of others to reinforce what he advises. I love it when an author can recommend other resources, knowing that one person doesn't have all the answers. I appreciate this.
I highly recommend Bringing Up Girls for any parent who is leading a daughter into womanhood. It is a book that I will keep on my shelf until the day I can pass it on to one of my children as they raise their own daughters.
June 27, 2014
girls outperform boys, liberal assault on decency of girls, fundamental am I lovely do you see me, give validation love and be loved healthy self-confidence, differ brains with 15% more blood flow, manner of women reflect foundation of country per Adams, do not tolerate men’s poor behavior, not popular with kids, thanks for loving and being there, divorce results in 4 years less, never make fun of, purity ball, tragic of beauty is not taken seriously and core is lack of dignity, porn not possible with love, boy teams build competition and solidarity w/o girls, daycare data supports less beneficial even detrimental before 4.5 and definitely not before 3, children as creatures of habit early on, strong willed children teach foolishness vs goodness to verify security with limits, reign in strong will define expectations accidents vs acknowledge willful forgiveness, love and affection influence, 60’s and 70’s as politically correct very poor and like Hitler pursued youth as it belongs to us, chastity is being truly in control of self, NIH stats more promiscuous has more problems more psychological issues, more happy vs depressed, 3xlikely to be depressed if sexually active including suicide boys8x, piercings as inward cry for help, play with fire will burn, gems given for each step leading to marriage, moral relativism as breakdown.
April 27, 2012
Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James C. Dobson
I wish this book had been written decades ago with my oldest daughter. Since then, I have had four more daughters.Recently, I have become a single mom, just divorced, and it scares the heck outta me that my girls have lost their father figure. Bringing Up Girls has many chapters about the father and daughter relationship such as discussing the importance of why dads matter in their daughters life. With my recent divorce it has frightened me that my girls no longer have a good male role model. Yes, mom's do matter--and I must admit that I feel the burden of being the best mom in the world because of their father's shortcomings.
Recommendation:
I highly recommend Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James C. Dobson for counselors, fathers, mothers and grandparents. If you are going to read one book this year, give a book this year as a gift, or in need an idea for a subject in a class, use this book. It will open your eyes very deeply by sharing how relationships between mother and daughter, father and daughter is vital for your daughters growth into adulthood.
Thanks to Tyndale House Publishers for providing this book for free.
I wish this book had been written decades ago with my oldest daughter. Since then, I have had four more daughters.Recently, I have become a single mom, just divorced, and it scares the heck outta me that my girls have lost their father figure. Bringing Up Girls has many chapters about the father and daughter relationship such as discussing the importance of why dads matter in their daughters life. With my recent divorce it has frightened me that my girls no longer have a good male role model. Yes, mom's do matter--and I must admit that I feel the burden of being the best mom in the world because of their father's shortcomings.
Recommendation:
I highly recommend Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James C. Dobson for counselors, fathers, mothers and grandparents. If you are going to read one book this year, give a book this year as a gift, or in need an idea for a subject in a class, use this book. It will open your eyes very deeply by sharing how relationships between mother and daughter, father and daughter is vital for your daughters growth into adulthood.
Thanks to Tyndale House Publishers for providing this book for free.
October 10, 2014
The premise for this book is explained in the title. It's a book about raising your daughter in a changing world. The world around us is becoming more addicting and dangerous for our daughters and this book is supposed to show us how to navigate through this.
Let me start off by saying that I'm a fan of Dr. Dobson and enjoyed his book Bringing Up Boys. This book, however, is incredibly long and filled with facts and data about our society and its depravity. Some of the information seems pretty dated even though the copyright in my book says 2010. This book just couldn't hold my attention. I don't think a review should be written unless the book is read so I plowed through. It was very tedious reading for me. It was heavily slanted in favor of the dad as far as instruction goes. As a mother I felt I was reading a book meant for my husband. There just didn't seem to be anything that I could walk away with and use. It was mostly scaring me about how bad our world was and how easily my daughter could be harmed and damaged for life.
I received this book free of charge Tyndale from in exchange for my honest review.
Let me start off by saying that I'm a fan of Dr. Dobson and enjoyed his book Bringing Up Boys. This book, however, is incredibly long and filled with facts and data about our society and its depravity. Some of the information seems pretty dated even though the copyright in my book says 2010. This book just couldn't hold my attention. I don't think a review should be written unless the book is read so I plowed through. It was very tedious reading for me. It was heavily slanted in favor of the dad as far as instruction goes. As a mother I felt I was reading a book meant for my husband. There just didn't seem to be anything that I could walk away with and use. It was mostly scaring me about how bad our world was and how easily my daughter could be harmed and damaged for life.
I received this book free of charge Tyndale from in exchange for my honest review.
April 4, 2016
I had to read this for a college class. We read Dobson's book Bringing Up Boys first and that one was good, so I thought Bringing Up Girls would basically be the same thing, just for girls. It was completely different. I'm all for the Christian views and raising girls to act like a lady, but I don't think Dobson knows what a girl is. The hardest part of the essay I had to write about this book was coming up with take-aways and anything positive to say about it. If you want to read a book on how to raise your little girl, I highly suggest finding one written by a woman. I made it a little more than halfway through the book and only needed to flip through the last couple of chapters to write the essay because it was the same skewed opinion (or lack of one in some parts) and misinterpreted or dated data/statistics as the rest of the book. I was also disappointed in the lack of scripture application. Dobson is usually really good, but this book was a flop.
November 22, 2010
An excellent resource - long awaited after his book "Bringing Up Boys." As expected, Dr. James Dobson discusses the parenting of girls from a strong Christian perspective. He discusses both the physical changes found in raising a daughter as well as the psychological changes (sometimes much like land mines) one must traverse. This book delves even into how best to confront the "mean girl" situations that inevitably arise. Further, he emphasizes the importance of the father-daughter relationship in the equation. A book of wisdom for the parents of girls.
November 3, 2011
This book was life-changing for me. I felt free to be a female after I read this. Everything in this book is *true* and I always knew it but fought it off (for various reasons having to do with my upbringing)and it was so freeing to hear, from a Christian Psychologist, that who I am is the way God made me and it's *good*, and should be embraced.
This book will be "required reading" for any man who wants to marry me (To ensure he understands and treats me, as well as our future daughter(s) right)
This book will be "required reading" for any man who wants to marry me (To ensure he understands and treats me, as well as our future daughter(s) right)
August 18, 2015
I Loved the book!!!! I can't believe the low ratings on this excellent book! If you are a Christian parent trying to raise your kids with Christian values then you'd definitely want to grab a cup of coffee and enjoy reading it! We try to raise our daughter from a Christian perspective and this book is a must read full of information and practical ideas for the Christian parents. I read it twice already to refresh my memory and our girl is only 9 still :) We have Dr. James Dobson's other book "Bringing Up Boys" as well and it is an excellent read. We can't say enough about both books!
January 1, 2012
This was a disappointing book. Why is it okay for dads to be working and using the gifts that God has given them but it is a mom's responsibility to stay at home with her kids? Did God not gift women as well? I realize that the audience is primarily American where you do not have the privilege of a year of maternity leave like Canada.
This book was like a bad accident. I kept reading it even though I found it irrelevant and old fashioned. Don't waste your time reading this book.
This book was like a bad accident. I kept reading it even though I found it irrelevant and old fashioned. Don't waste your time reading this book.
July 30, 2013
I really wanted to like this book...but was so disappointed! Half the book was either a nice story about a girl or Dobson quoting a different book. Unfortunately it fell short in giving biblical practical advice on raising girls. The statistical information that was presented (ie. importance of a stable home, the affect of our culture) was common knowledge that it's hard to say I learned anything from this book.
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