Men I’ve Loved Before

by Adele Parks

Natalie and Neil everything they could want: a stylish London house, two high-flying careers, a close-knit group of friends and family. And best of all: an ideal marriage. Having children, they’ve agreed, would only disrupt their carefree lives. But then Neil turns thirty-five, and suddenly he’s longing for a baby. However, Nat has not had a similar change of heart. As they no longer agree on this fundamental issue, their once perfect relationship starts to crumble. Nat starts to think about her exes and wonders if one of the men she has loved in the past can offer her a future, or by looking over her shoulder is she simply going to trip up? Sunday Times Number One bestseller Adele Parks asks the ultimate ‘what if’ question in this insightful, smart, funny novel about revisiting your past… Praise for Men I’ve Loved Before : ‘A fabulous mix of comedy, real life and emotional depth’ Daily Express ‘A wicked pleasure’ Woman & Home ‘Observant, sensitive and we like this a lot!’ Closer ‘A dazzling novel full of emotional set-pieces and real insight into relationships between men and women… This is Parks at her best’ Heat ‘She is a particularly acute observer of relationship ups and downs, and her stories are always as insightful as they are entertaining’ Daily Mirror Praise for Adele Parks: ‘Adele Parks never takes her foot off the gas, every book is tighter, faster, better than the last’ Lisa Jewell 'Gripping, moving and elegantly written' Marian Keyes ‘Brilliantly twisty… but is also so insightful about human nature. A triumph’ Lucy Foley ‘A compelling take on one of those “what if” scenarios that we’ve all wondered about. Addictive, provocative and thoroughly relatable… brilliantly crafted’ T.M. Logan ‘An absolute joy’ Jane Fallon ‘As ever, Adele Parks does not disappoint – you’ll love it’ Ruth Jones

Genres: Chick Lit, Fiction, Audiobook, Romance, Contemporary, British Literature, Womens Fiction

431 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

Adele Parks MBE is one of the most-loved and biggest-selling women's fiction writers in the UK. She has sold over 4 million books and her work has been translated into 30 different languages.

She has published 21 novels, all of which have been London Times bestsellers.

Adele has written 19 contemporary novels and 2 historical ones, Spare Brides and If You Go Away, which are set during and after WW1. Her latest novels, Both of You, Just My Luck, Lies Lies Lies, I Invited Her In, The Image of You and The Stranger in My Home are twisty, domestic noirs. Adele likes to scrutinize our concepts of family, our theories on love, parenting and fidelity.

During her career Adele has lived in Italy, Botswana and London. Now she lives happily in Surrey, UK with her husband, son and cat.

If you want to stay in touch you can find Adele on Twitter @AdeleParks, Instagram @Adele_Parks or Facebook @OfficialAdeleParks. You can sign up to her newsletter at eepurl.com/cI0l and there’s lots more info about Adele and her books on www.adeleparks.com.

Reviews

[Helen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have read books by Adele Parks in the past and enjoyed them, I like her writing sytle, characters and plots. However, although I still liked the writing style in this book I was quite disappointed by the characters and plot in this one.

It was such a shame that there had to be a big dramatic reason why Nat didn't want kids - it seems to suggest that this would be the only reason a woman would chose not to have them. Initially it made such a nice change to read about a woman who had made the decision not to have children. I thought it was going to be a really interesting read to see how Nat and Neil dealt with the situation where one of them had decided they wanted to start a family while the other didn't, so when I got to the big "reveal" I was gutted.

I'm afraid I didn't like the characters and felt that what ended up taking place was so far fetched and totally out of character for the way the main couple are portrayed from the start. They are such a strong loving couple who can talk about anything and then all of a sudden they are going behind each others' backs and can't even sit and discuss such a big issue. Lastly, I was absolutely disgusted with Neil's actions towards the end of the book, but these seemed to be glossed over and accepted by everyone else.

As someone that has, up to now, chosen not to have children and has no immediate plans to do so I felt quite strongly about the themes coming out in the first part of this book, but then it all went in the wrong direction as far as I'm concerned.

However, this won't put me off reading more of Adele Parks' books, this one just wasn't for me.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This author never disappoints me, she is my go-to author when I want to be guaranteed a good read.

Five stars.

[emma ‼️ · Rating 1 out of 5]

everyone in this book sucked so bad 🥰 DESPISED the ending, how everyone just ignored him BABY TRAPPING HER ????? and then she just abandons her views and everything is fine !???!! just so stupid and unbelievably dumb, quite honestly a terrible misogynistic book with a bad ending. i wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone, the way it paints women who don’t want children as unnatural and freakish (this was actually said in the book ?!???) is gross and a dated horrible view x don’t bother reading this unless u want to be angry, it’s quite literally one of the worst books ive ever read 🥰🥰🥰 fuck neil u ugly freak !!!!

[Mergime · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not every woman wants a child, and I'm disgusted by the fact that the reader excuses acts like INTENTIONALLY blowing up a condom just so some man's wife would get pregnant. Yes, I say the writer excuses this behavior, since the character didn't leave her husband, nor was there more than two sentences about this act in the book, even though the character clearly said she didn't want any children.

In this book, women are pictured as selfish if they don't want children, and that's a really bad way of picturing women. I understand that this is only a book written so it could be sold, and is only for relaxing before going to sleep, but women read books like this one, and it's awful reading that a woman would still be with a man after he has done something that horrible to her.

I wouldn't recommend this book to a younger person, since this way we could potentially give our teenagers a wrong picture about healthy relationships.

[Anna Maria · Rating 2 out of 5]

I must say that at first I thought the book was quite interesting and I started reading it with enthusiasm, but page after page, chapter after chapter I was really disappointed and I actually didn't like the book very much.
The story centres around Neil & Nathalie, a married couple in their early 30s who have agreed not to have children. After his birthday Neil suddenly changes his mind and decides he really wishes to have a baby and become a father after all, and so when he tells Nathalie all the problems start and this couple that everbody considered perfect start quarreling and ignoring each other.
The conclusion was a relief as I was just relieved to have finally finished it!

[Derval Tannam · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Could she justify not wanting children? That might be the trickiest of all the admissions."

I don't know why I do it to myself. I read the blurb for this book, and thought it sounded appropriate for where I am in life at the moment, but somehow I knew that Nat not wanting children wouldn't be treated as an entirely reasonable position by the author. Of COURSE her reluctance was based on family trauma and of COURSE she overcomes that trauma once she realises she's pregnant. And the idea that her husband, who she was always clear with, would be such a bully about it, and that they'd end up back together after the middle act drama!? Absolute nonsense. I'd love to read a book where a woman starts out not wanting a child and ends up not wanting a child. But maybe that would be too wild.

[Katy · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a happily child free and happily married woman in her 40s, I found this book very disappointing. It only contributes to the stigma that women who don’t want kids face, including being patronisingly told over and over that they will change their minds. Even worse, it makes it seem as if not wishing to procreate is unnatural and wrong and that it is therefore somehow okay for a man to childishly stamp his foot and try to manipulate a woman into changing her mind. Neil’s behaviour is absolutely vile and I cannot believe we are supposed to sympathise with him. I won’t be reading any more by this author.

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Men I've Loved Before tells the story of Nat and Neil, a thirty something couple who seem to have the marriage from heaven. He has a job he adores, friends he gets on with and the perfect wife. She has a fulfilling career, a family who loves her and the perfect husband. They agree on virtually everything, especially the fact that they don't want children. Until Neil decides that he does. Suddenly they are both questioning every facet of their relationship, and Nat wonders whether any of the men she's loved before could have been the One?

I'm conflicted about Adele Parks. Universally I have loved the first hundred pages or so of every single novel she's written (this is the tenth). Parks establishes the set up of characters and relationships perfectly - she creates an entertaining picture of a couple meeting and falling in love. She writes beautifully about chaotic but perfect lives.

For me, where Parks unfailingly falls down is when she inserts the tension into a novel, and her couples start bickering. It all feels so artificial and forced. Here we have a woman who doesn't want to have a baby - but there is a big secret "reason" for this. I find it disappointing that Nat wasn't just against babies because she didn't want them - it is a valid choice these days, and not all women want babies.

I also thought Neil's storyline with the strippers was appalling, and done to fill up some space rather than to progress the plot in a meaningful way.

Lastly, for a couple who are presented as being so together and communicative and honest, why do they have so many problems talking to each other about their issues with the baby factor? *sighs* It was perplexing to me that they descended to arguments rather than just opening up. I found myself literally rolling my eyes in exasperation.

Parks also has an issue writing realistic male characters. One line stood out for me at an early stage of the novel:

"But somewhere, deep down inside him, he'd always found single-man sex unsettling. He found it a problem that even in the very moment of orgasm he'd start to panic about where his next shag would come from."

I put this line to various of my male friends and they LAUGHED at it, they were so unconvinced. That is not the response that Parks wished for, I'll wager! Karl is a stinker of a character - so vile that I shuddered whenever he was on the page. Nat's various exes universally had issues. Even Neil - supposedly the hero of the piece - ends up going to a strip club and staring rather too much at a stripper's nipples (yes, Parks did describe these nipples in sickening detail...)

I think I understand that Parks is trying to present a realistic look at life between a couple - where issues do crop up, and arguments do happen. But, seriously, I just ended up feeling depressed at their constant bickering and wishing I could shake the pair of them. I read chick lit for the escapism, not to feel sucked into the minutiae of painful discussions and problems that are seemingly unresolvable.

So, read the first one hundred pages for a great look at a fun couple. And then firmly close the book. Parks has written far better books.

[Noor Hanis · Rating 1 out of 5]

Don't think this book suits me yet. I'm just a teenager and reading about divorce isn't good for my mental hahaha. Gotta skip this book! It didn't attract my attention much. Must be due to age.

#ContinueReading# 25 May 2016

HAHAHAHA! I've made a big mistake to continue reading this book again. It was so crazy of me to be even thinking read this awful book again. Why meet your EXES when you already married? If you have a big argument with your husband, settle it! Don't be like a tuuuuut seeking your exes aha. The whole story of this book is about Natalie finding her soulmate. God help me.

[Dawni · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this one very disappointing, especially the ending, which was both sickening and unrealistic. Neil's actions, particular at the end, were apalling, and Nat's weren't much better. By the end, they seemed much more like a pair of squabbling teenagers than a pair of supposedly devoted adults capable of parenting a child.

I am still absolutely baffled that there were no consequences for Neil having deliberately gone against Nat's wishes and FORCED her into a position where she was at risk of pregnancy. The portrayal of this as a 'nothing' - a great way to get what you want when your partner says no - left me, frankly, disgusted.

[karen wadey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing end

Same as so many books .. female lead abandons her views and plans.
It’s ok for women not to think having babies is the bee all and end all.
Started brilliantly.
Very very predictable end

[Rebeca Marcés everness · Rating 1 out of 5]

Started off well, wife doesn’t want kids, husband does, intrigued to find out how it pans out. The last quarter is not only annoyingly predictable but actually really uncomfortable and unethical.
Would not recommend this book to anyone and doubt I will read this author again.

[Danderma · Rating 1 out of 5]

The story in this novel started out brilliantly, Nat is preparing to celebrate her husband Neil's 35th birthday with friends and family and a modern restaurant in King's Road. Life is good for the couple, they live in a small house in London with decent jobs they love and are madly in love with each other. They both want the same things in life and one of the things they don't want for sure is children cramping their style.

Then one day Neil changes his mind, he just springs it out of no where at Nat, he now wants children, no actually dying for children, and she refuses without giving a reason. What does Neil do? He sulks, he tries like a child to prove she can be a good mother, and Nat keeps silent and retaliates by calling up old her old lovers and meeting with them behind her husband's back, and not knowing how to explain why is she sitting there when they ask her the question themselves. Their relationship unravels until it goes to the point where it all falls apart.

I loved the begining of the story. I actually envied the couple the life they had in hip London. Then I couldn't understand how two people so deeply in love and entertwined in each other's lives suddenly stop talking and move away from each other. Just one calm talk would have solved a lot of hanging issues from the begining! Plus, Neil's idiotic, selfish, and quite childish actions made me want to reach inside the book and slap him to his senses. As for Nat, well, I thought I had found a good argument for why a female might choose NOT to bring a child of her own into this world without having to justify it as some deep hidden personal drama but I think I am wrong. All females want to have children apparently and if they don't there is something not right with them.

The ending is quite cheesy and frankly, when Neil does two unforgivable things, the last of which is impegrating his wife without her knowledge or her conscent when she had made it absolutely clear she did not want to be pregnant, is so unforgivable I wonder how Nat could stand be around him rather than move on with him by her side as a dotting husband.No, its not OK and no its not the same as what the stripper did by "not taking the pill so she could fall pregnant". Its quite disturbing and the ultimate breach of trust. Therefore I can't chalk the ending to a happy one. If anything, its a sad thing for Nat to be happy about spending her life with that childish sulking jobless wanker even if they loved each other.

Would I recommend it? Well, why not? Its not a best seller's material but its a quick and fun read if, say, you are on a plane or having trouble sleeping. Started out great, had a nice twist in the middle, though it flopped in the end.

[Reader0102 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Terrible! On so many levels...the writing, the plot (or lack of one), the cliches and the casual misogyny. She doesn't want children, he finds out one fine day that he does, he pricks holes in condom, she gets pregnant, decides she actually wants to have a baby, and they live happily ever after. Oh and she works at the "world's largest pharmaceutical company". Her work at the "world's largest pharmaceutical company" was going very well. They are very much in love, but cannot have a proper conversation; when they are unhappy they binge drink (as do most of their friends); then there are the steroetypical friends who are either only interested in sex talk (men) or in getting married (woman).

[Kerri Parsons · Rating 1 out of 5]

From about halfway through this book I was praying that it wouldn't end in a baby, but of course I was wrong. Neil was selfish, creepy and sexually assaulted his wife by poking holes in the condom and the ending is they happily get back together and have a baby eurgh.

[Shelleyrae at Book'd Out · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nat is happy, married to her soul mate Neil in cozy domesticity, dedicated and well regarded in her career she is firmly in control of her life's direction. Then Neil drunkenly confesses his desire to start a family and Nat's perfect life begins to crumble under the pressure of an argument where no compromise is possible.
Initially I was interested in the dynamics of Nat and Neil's relationship as it began to buckle under the strain of Neil's desire for children and Nat's determination never to be a mother. Nat's choice has both partners questioning their choices and their marriage. It's a thoughtful examination of a subject that is still taboo as they begin fighting and then ignoring each other, but unfortunately I felt that the situation quickly descended into farce as Nat begins meeting up with largely idiotic ex boyfriends, questioning her devotion to Neil and Neil becomes obsessed with a stripper and her toddler daughter.
I felt the author tried to blend a chic lit plot with a women's fiction sensibility which results in an awkward mix. The story was either treated too seriously or not seriously enough depending on which label you want to apply. Both Nat's and Neils behaviour becomes increasingly inexplicable and frustrating and I lost respect for both characters. The conclusion set my teeth on edge, particularly with the stereotype it reinforces (which I can't reveal without a major spoiler), and sadly I was just relieved to have finished it.
This is the only book I have read by this author and I liked the writing style enough to give her another shot probably, but for me Men I've Loved Before was ultimately a disappointing read after a promising start.

[Petra Bašlin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Though I'm not a fan of romance novels (at least if they're not historical), when I first started reading this book, I thought it was really good. However, as I continued reading, it got worse and worse.

When author was describing Nat in the past, Nat somehow reminded me of Bella Swan and Anastasia Steele. Karl is one big sexist asshole and a man whore who only chases skirts. Jen is stupid. Neil is a pussy. I didn't read it till the end, but I peeked in some of the last chapters and found out that Neil impregnated Nat without her knowing it and it was his perfect stripper Cindy who gave him idea how. And I found out that Nat stayed with Neil and gave birth to their child. WTF???? The book was sexist, most of the minor female characters want children or have them, some of them said something: ''You know guys'' or something like that...

I also peeked on other people's reviews here and saw that some of you mentioned how Nat had some dramatic reason for not wanting children. Can someone please tell me what was her reason? I can bear to read it till the end.

It seems all women should want to have children just because they're WOMEN and have a reproductive organs.

[Chloë · Rating 2 out of 5]

Parks writes in an engaging way, with good pacing and interesting characters (at least at first..). The story centres around a woman not wanting children, so I was hopeful and excited to read, but by the end I was extremely disappointed. This was not the nuanced story I thought it was going to be - if anything it was quite stigmatising.

I was very disappointed by where the plot went, and the way certain behaviour from her partner (!!) was handled. The way it all tied up was also far-fetched, and saw characters behave in ways that didn’t really align with the people we’d met at the start.

Have perspectives on women not wanting children really changed this much since it was published in 2010?? It felt very dated to me.

[Karen Wylie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Loved the start as a woman without children but was really disappointed in the husband’s deception and the wife’s acceptance of it.

[Holli C · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wasn’t really my kind of book! Wanted there to be surprises and twists but sadly there wasn’t.

[Cara · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not my normal genre but thought it would be a nice read. I was sadly mistaken. This book is so slow, there is so much unnecessary description and back story and the thoughts of all these different characters. We get the perspective of so many different people that it is weirdly jarring. The back story and context was inserted at super random points, like the middle of a conversation, so you'd see one character saying something, then 3 or 4 pages of description and back story, then the conversation continues like nothing happened, and this is repeated over and over throughout the book.

*spoilers ahead*

I also was very annoyed by most of the characters in this book. It was so refreshing to have a female character who doesn't want children, something which should be perfectly acceptable. But later on there was explanation as to why she didn't, and then she accidentally gets pregnant (don't start me on that whole escapade) and suddenly gets over this life altering fear and is perfectly happy. Like the moral of the story is actually she was just scared and she does want kids after all? It's OK to not want kids just because you don't want them and I would've much preferred that to be the thread and the overriding theme rather than some "oh she's just a silly scared woman who will change her mind" just for the sake of a happily ever after.

I could tell this book was older but I was shocked to see it was published in 2010, you could've tricked me into thinking it was older considering some of the viewpoints and comments about women (made by both male and female characters). I would've guessed at early 2000s only because mobile phones were mentioned, but home phones were normal, not much other tech mentioned. Without that I could've easily thought it was written 30 years ago.

It's not in my nature to DNF, because many times I've been surprised by the turn a story has taken, or there has been a point to the whole thing that makes it come together. So I did stick this one through to the end. It just wasn't for me.

[Carolyn Hill · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book would be interesting and refreshing to read as it centres around a woman not wanting children. So I was disappointed when it was revealed there was a traumatic reason for this and it wasn't just a case of a woman being career driven, independent and happy with her life the way it is without children. Why does there have to be a big dramatic or valid reason? Why can't a woman just say no? This book is written by a woman and doesn't help with gender stereotypes at all.

It was also frustrating to read at times because this couple are meant to be soul mates but they can't communicate with each other? None of these issues would have happened in the first place if they actually had a proper conversation. Instead they go behind each others backs and act really irrationally and questionably. Despite that, I still found myself rooting for them.

[The Bookish Wombat · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nat, who has always said she doesn't want children, is married to Neil, who has always said he doesn't want them either, but when he changes his mind it causes problems.

This book annoyed me as it operates on the premise that all women must want children and that there's something wrong with them if they don't.

In addition, the whole plot hangs on a piece of information that Nat has never told anyone - but if she had everything would have been sorted out in seconds. I hate this kind of plot device with a passion - it always seems contrived and that the author is taking advantage somehow.

I hadn't read any Adele Parks before I read this, and give how little I enjoyed it I won't be seeking out any more of her books.

[Caroline · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really disappointing. I've enjoyed all her other books, but found myself really bored by this one.

The story centres around Neil & Nat, a married couple in their early 30s who have agreed not to have children ... until Neil suddenly decided he does actually want a baby, after all.

I thought it was clumsily written, with poor characters, a lot of the plot was unbelievable and didn't ring true at all, and generally I was just bored,and found myself skipping through chunks, in a bid to get to the end. I also saw every plot 'twist' coming absolutely miles off, which didn't help.

[Josipa · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐
I found it unbelievable that Neil would want a baby that much. I was irritated by the fact that a couple don't know how to have a normal conversation, especially when it's about something that important. Her reason for not wanting kids was so unrealistic and that part was unnecessary, just as Neil's adventures with Cindy and descriptions of her naked body.
All in all, quick-read summer book.

[Um mar de fogueirinhas · Rating 2 out of 5]

I started by enjoying it: Nat and Neil seemed fine and interesting and surrounded by real life. When the baby drama started, I was mildly surprised but content with someone down to earth who for a change has no trouble just not wishing to be a mother. It shouldn’t be so hard.
And then all that misery unfolded. Little black book, a parade of losers, a convenient personal secret unfolding the same old traditional profile, and a lot od disappointment later, here I am.

[Fiona Lansdown · Rating 2 out of 5]

Chick lit of the annoying whingey heroine variety. She doesn't want to have kids, he decides he does, she goes back to visit all her ex-boyfriends to see if any of them would have been a better choice - sigh of boredom already. Oh, and the ending is really horrible, where basically the husband behaves pretty badly but the wifey lovingly forgives him.

[CL9244 · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the first half of the book and expected it to become another 5⭐️ read. However it took a massive turn in the second half of the book. I’m pretty sure poking holes into a condom is a crime?? How are we looking past that?
Very disappointing.

[Jo · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was just OK - storyline was slow and I couldn't warm to the main character - in fact I wanted to give her a good slap!!

[Kathy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Because apparently, if a woman doesn't want kids then there had better be a good reason.