Crashing: I Love You. Forgive Me.

by Mark L. O'Brien

In this powerful, unforgettable memoir, Mark L. O’Brien examines the profound consequences of the moment that forever changed his life and cut short the life of the woman he loved.

Mark L. O'Brien has lived through a tragedy and made something beautiful of it. He has gathered the pieces of his shattered life, and from them built this unforgettable book. Not only will this story of transformation move you; it will challenge your most basic assumptions about guilt, grief, mercy, and justice. Not to be missed. -- Darin Strauss, National Book Critics Circle Award recipient and multi-award winning author of Half a Life.

The morning after a birthday party she threw for him, O'Brien woke up in the hospital to learn that his girlfriend was dead, and he might be going to prison for causing the car crash that killed her. With piercing insight and stark prose, Mark L. O’Brien leads readers on a deeply personal, intimate, and emotional journey—grappling with loss, regret, and his fragmented memories of the night of the crash, questioning a new relationship fraught with immense shame and colored by his continued attachment to his lost love, and wondering whether the forgiveness of his girlfriend’s family and questions about his guilt would keep him out of prison. Along the way, he delivers an unflinching exploration of grief, mercy, and the fractured path from loss to meaning. The result is a staggering and inspiring tour de force.

As seen in The Washington Post and on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Emmy award-winning Red Table Talk, Mark L. O’Brien’s story will inspire readers with its powerful message of hope and its heart-wrenching illustration of the human capacity to discover seeds of meaning in even the most painful experiences.

Advance Praise for Crashing

Mark L. O'Brien's powerful memoir, Crashing, takes readers on a heartbreaking journey through his pain and anguish as he comes to terms with his role in his girlfriend's death. It's a powerful reminder of the human spirit's capacity to choose redemption, and also an excellent primer on how substance use and addiction needs to be treated--with scientific evidence and compassion. -- Leana Wen, MD, CNN Medical Analyst and author, Lifelines.

When [Mark] first shared his story with me, I was aghast. I was obviously shocked by the details of the moment that changed Mark's life forever, but I was equally shocked by Mark's transparency and authenticity, which is on full display in this book. Crashing is not only a book about tragedy and heartbreak, but it's also about love, forgiveness, and hope. Mark's courageous memoir is a true illustration of growth after trauma. -- Devon Still, MBA, MAPP former NFL player, founder of the Still Strong Foundation, and author, Still in the Game.

314 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 20, 2023

About the author

Mark L. O’Brien is a leading advocate and change-maker in trauma, substance use, mental health, and criminal justice. He is the founder and executive director of Trauma Informed (https://www.traumapolicy.org), where he designs and leads programs to support trauma survivors and improve the way organizations respond to trauma; founding partner of Springlake Solutions LLC (https://www.springlakesolutions.com), where he provides strategic consulting to mission-driven organizations working in behavioral health and public safety; adjunct professor of political science at Towson University; assistant instructor at the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center; and a master’s level positive psychology practitioner and posttraumatic growth coach. Mark L. O’Brien lives in Lutherville, Maryland with his wife, Maria, their three exuberant children, and a goofy pup named Otis.

Instagram: @marklobrien
Twitter: @marklobrien

Reviews

[Kate Klubien Page · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was such a gift for me. I am the mother of a CADI (person who Causes Accidental Death or Injury). I found John’s story a great comfort as he describes the challenges he felt and still feels but builds a picture of a life worth living. His carefully crafted words bring compassion and understanding to all those whose paths are filled with grief, trauma and shame. I would encourage all those who find themselves supporting someone on a similar path to read this book.

[Katie Knight · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are so many take aways from this book, especially the 2nd half, I couldnt put it down. Its heartbreaking but full of hope. I really loved the parts on accepting there are good and bad in every one and we all deserve another chance when facing the fall outs from the decisions we made. Will definitely read again.

[Jane Bennington · Rating 4 out of 5]

(3.5) No audio book and book club things that had to be finished slowed me down on this one. To be clear, not the book itself. This was another good look into the systems that we have in place in the US. Prisons, parole, overall support for those who need it. I read this alongside The Many Lives of Momma Love by happenstance. The two books were interesting in their similar presentations of the 'systems' we have in place and how being an educated white person made the trip through the systems considerably different from other demographics' experiences. Worthwhile read if not earth shattering.

[Blake Gallison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, I couldn't put it down.