Fidelity: How to Create a Loving Relationship That Lasts

by Thich Nhat Hanh

What does healthy intimacy look like? How we do we keep the energy and passion alive in long-term relationships? What practices can help us forgive our partner when he or she has hurt us? How can we get a new relationship off to a strong and stable start? What do we do if we feel restless in a relationship or attracted to someone outside of our partner? These are just some of the questions Zen master and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Thich Nhat Hanh has been asked by practitioners and readers alike. Deeply moved by the suffering that can be caused by these issues, he offers concrete guidance in his first ever writings on intimacy and healthy sexuality.

Fidelity  guides the reader to an understanding about how we can maintain our relationships; keep them fresh, and accepting and loving our partner for who they are. Fidelity gives concrete advice on how to stay attentive and nourishing of each other amidst the many responsibilities and pressures of daily life. Readers will learn how to foster open communication, dealing with anger and other strong emotions, learning to forgive, and practicing gratitude and appreciation.

Fidelity  is written for both couples in a committed relationship wanting to further develop a spiritual dimension in their lives together, and for those where infidelity or hurt may have occurred, and there is a need for best practices to re-weave the net of love and understanding. In addition to addressing everyday occurrences and challenges, Thich Nhat Hanh shows how traditional Buddhist teachings on attachment, deep listening, and loving speech can help energize and restore our relationships. Written in a clear and accessible style, and filled with personal stories, simple practices and exercises, Fidelity  is for couples at all stage of relationships. It the guide book for anyone looking to create long-lasting and healthy intimacy.

Genres: Buddhism, Relationships, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Philosophy, Self Help, Love

144 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Thích Nhất Hạnh was a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist who then lived in southwest France where he was in exile for many years. Born Nguyễn Xuân Bảo, Thích Nhất Hạnh joined a Zen (Vietnamese: Thiền) monastery at the age of 16, and studied Buddhism as a novitiate. Upon his ordination as a monk in 1949, he assumed the Dharma name Thích Nhất Hạnh. Thích is an honorary family name used by all Vietnamese monks and nuns, meaning that they are part of the Shakya (Shakyamuni Buddha) clan. He was often considered the most influential living figure in the lineage of Lâm Tế (Vietnamese Rinzai) Thiền, and perhaps also in Zen Buddhism as a whole.

Reviews

[Jokoloyo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Please don't get mad if I don't rate it 5 star. The message/teaching itself is beyond my capacity to judge. It is a matter of taste of writing style, maybe it can be improved by explaining more about building lasting relationships, after not succumb to sensual love. I understand the foundation of the teaching is correct, but I was hoping some Q & A for unenlightened persons. I realized I could understand this book because I have some background knowledge prior of reading this book. I read this book with some background in meditation practices and Buddhism philosophy. Of course as a beginner, I can't say that I am proficient. Far far from it. There are some GR friends that I believe have much deeper understanding in Buddhism.

For example, there are many 'mindfulness' word on this book, but I didn't find description of this word. Please don't get me wrong, I don't mean that I am too lazy to check in dictionary. I had a glimpse of understanding of 'mindfulness' after attended a workshop. I could easily lost if I read this book three years ago.

It is a great book, with great benefit when we practice the teachings. but maybe for general people who don't have background in Buddhism, it could be a challenging read. I hope I was wrong and overstate the issue.

[Surya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful book it is.
Under practices 'Beginning Anew' was the most beautiful of it all.
Hope not just as couples, but as families or even at work places or schools or colleges people practice such beautiful things and lead a happy life.

[Justin Curry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Would have been better for me to read 10 years ago in the throes of my romantic chaos. Feeling older and wiser I acknowledge TNH’s wisdom, but also recognize it doesn’t have the same landing power it might have had when I was younger. Still unclear to me whether this is the right medicine for our times, but good to read nonetheless!

[Rouchswalwe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another fantastic volume from this teacher. He is so engaged and I learn much from his writings.

[Wouter Zwemmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Mensen vragen vaak of het moeilijk is om een celibataire monnik of non te zijn, maar het beoefenen van mindfulness is in veel opzichten gemakkelijker voor een kloosterling dan voor een leek. Het is veel gemakkelijker om helemaal af te zien van seksuele activiteit dan om een gezonde seksuele relatie te hebben.”

“Liefde kan onze grootste vreugde zijn of - als die wordt verward met begeerte en gehechtheid - ons grootste leed.”

Boek met interessante gedachten over liefde, relaties en seksualiteit, maar ook nogal wat onzin. Gezond verstand niet uitschakelen bij het lezen van dit boekje, ook al is het geschreven door een heuse mindfulness-guru en beroept hij zich op de Boeddha. Misschien wel juist daardoor (zie eindopmerkingen).

Aantekeningen voor mezelf gemaakt. Eén grote spoiler.

“Eenzaamheid kan niet worden opgelost met seksuele activiteit. Je kunt jezelf niet helen met seks. Je moet leren hoe je je op je gemak kunt voelen bij jezelf. (…) Als je eenmaal met je emoties en de problemen van alledag kunt omgaan, heb je iets aan een ander te bieden. De ander moet hetzelfde doen. Beide mensen moeten zichzelf in hun eentje helen, zodat ze zich op hun gemak voelen in zichzelf. Pas dan kunnen ze een thuis voor elkaar worden. Anders delen we in onze fysieke intimiteit niets anders dan eenzaamheid en lijden.”

Nodig
Als we denken en zeggen ‘ik heb je nodig’, dan bedoelen we dat vaak als compliment, maar we zeggen eigenlijk dat de ander er moet zijn om onze behoeften te bevredigen. Het is de voortzetting van onze afhankelijkheid als baby en klein kind van onze verzorgers. Angst en verlangen hangen samen: we zijn bang dat onze verzorger ons verlaat en we verlangen naar een verzorger. Het is de oerangst en het oerverlangen naar overleven, ook als we inmiddels volwassen zijn en de context is veranderd. Nhat Hanh betoogt dat deze gevoelens onze beslissingen blijven bepalen tenzij we ze erkennen, verwerken en loslaten.

Vergelijken
Volgens Nhat Hanh is de bron van veel trots en ongeluk dat we ons constant met anderen vergelijken: beter, slechter of gelijk aan anderen? Hij beschrijft de metafoor van zijn handen: ooit gezien dat de twee handen zichzelf vergelijken met elkaar en onderling conflict hebben? In plaats daarvan werken ze altijd samen. Mensen zoeken een ander om te bewijzen dat we wat waard zijn, voor goedkeuring. Volgens Nhat Hanh moeten we onze partner zien als onze handen: “iemand die niet los van ons staat, die niet beter, slechter dan ons is, of zelfs gelijk aan ons (…). We zien dan het geluk van anderen als ons geluk, hun leed als ons leed.”

Alles is er al
De oorzaken van ons lijden liggen niet buiten onszelf, niet bij anderen, toeval of pech. “Maar de uiterlijke omstandigheden zijn niet de redenen waarom we lijden. Ons lijden was er al. Iedereen wordt geboren met de kiemen van goed, kwaad, wreedheid en bewustwording in zich; “Of de goedheid of de wreedheid in ons wordt geopenbaard, hangt af van welke kiemen we cultiveren door onze daden en onze leefwijze.” “De meesten van ons proberen weg te rennen van ons eigen lijden. We proberen het lijden te verbergen en ons gevoel van leegte te verdrijven met consumptie.” Volgens de leer van de Boeddha zijn er vier verkeerde opvattingen die al ons lijden veroorzaken:
1. Permanentie (nitya). Dingen zijn tijdelijk (anitya) maar we zien ze als permanent;
2. Geluk (sukha). We verwarren ongeluk (dukkha) met geluk wanneer het prettig is: drugs, alcohol, affaires;
3. Het zelf (attman). We zien onszelf afgescheiden van al het andere. In werkelijkheid zijn we natuur en daarmee al het andere; onze ouders zijn in ons. Niets gaat verloren, niets wordt geschapen, alles wordt getransformeerd;
4. Zuiverheid (shuddhi). Elke persoon bestaat uit zuiver en onzuiver, uit bloemen en vuilnis.
Als we deze vier opvattingen loslaten komen we tot het inzicht dat andere mensen tijdelijk zijn, zonder eigen zelf en onzuiver, net als wijzelf.

Diep luisteren
De Boeddha-aard of een bewust geworden aard is het inzicht dat alles wat we verlangen in onszelf te vinden is. Ieder van ons beschikt over de vijf elementen waaruit we bestaan: vorm (lichaam), gevoelens, waarnemingen, mentale formaties en geweten. Mindfulness helpt ons om te oefenen om inzicht te krijgen in onze ware aard met deze vijf elementen. De meesten van ons vluchten hiervoor in afleiding: computer, telefoon, conversaties. “We kunnen een ander pas werkelijk begrijpen, als we geleerd hebben om diep in onszelf te kijken. Als we dan naar iemand anders kijken, beginnen we hun lijden te begrijpen, omdat we dat van onszelf al hebben gezien en getransformeerd. (…) De manier waarop we naar de andere persoon kijken, is vol compassie.” Dit vereist ‘deep listening’ naar verhalen over de kindertijd. “We moeten eerst onze eigen lijden begrijpen en we moeten ontdekken wat ons verlangen veroorzaakt. Dat helpt ons om te transformeren - en niet langer te verwijten of te haten. Met begrip kunnen we liefhebben en eindelijk het gevoel van eenzaamheid in onszelf oplossen.”

“Vergeet je idee over geluk, dan kan geluk deze middag nog komen.” “Schoonheid en goedheid zijn in ons allemaal. Een werkelijk spirituele partner is iemand die jou aanmoedigt om die in jezelf te zoeken naar de schoonheid en liefde waarnaar je op zoek bent. Een ware leraar is iemand die jou helpt de leraar in jezelf te ontdekken.” Volgens Nhat Hanh zijn de vier elementen van werkelijke liefde:
1. Liefdevolle vriendelijkheid;
2. Mededogen;
3. Vreugde;
4. Onvoorwaardelijke acceptatie.

Vijf aandachtsoefeningen
Het boek eindigt vijf meditaties die Nhat Hanh in meerdere boeken heeft opgenomen. De korte teksten roepen op tot:
1. Pacifisme op basis van begrip van interzijn;
2. Vrijgevigheid in denken, spreken en handelen;
3. Respecteren van veiligheid en integriteit van individuen, paren, gezinnen en de gemeenschap; geen seksuele relatie aangaan zonder werkelijke liefde; kinderen en anderen beschermen tegen seksueel misbruik
4. Liefdevol spreken en met mededogen diep luisteren;
5. Een goede geestelijke en fysieke gezondheid voor mijzelf, mijn familie en de gemeenschap; zorgvuldig zijn met de vier vormen van voedsel: eetbaar voedsel, zintuigelijke waarnemen, intentie, bewustzijn;

Kritiek
Naast mooie ideeën over mindfulness die ik waardevol vind, graag in mijn leven toepas en uitbreid, staat er ook een boel herhaling en kul in dit boek. Het hele relaas gaat uit van de juistheid van één spiritueel pad, het Boeddhisme. De kans dat dat pad in alles volledig en juist is, lijkt me klein. Nhat Hanh citeert er de Boeddha zelf over: “Hecht geen geloof aan iets omdat een beroemd spiritueel leraar het heeft gezegd. Heb geen geloof in iets omdat het is vastgelegd in geschriften. Geloof niet in iets omdat iedereen het gelooft. (…) Als we iets horen, moeten we het grondig onderzoeken, begrijpen en toepassen. Als we het hebben toegepast en het levert een resultaat op, kunnen we erin geloven.” Ben ik het mee eens: geloof niet alles wat in dit boekje heel stellig wordt gesteld; wees geen gelovige maar onderzoek zelf. Zo wordt er op basis van een Boeddhistisch soetra (geschrift: dus denk zelf na, pas toe en oordeel zelf!) nogal negatief over seksualiteit geschreven, eigenlijk dat je elk seksueel verlangen moet uitbannen. Waar het boekje aan voorbij gaat is dat ook seksualiteit heel mindful kan zijn en heel bindend en onderzoekend kan zijn in de context van een langdurig emotioneel commitment. Past binnen alle principes van dit boekje dus waarom dan zo dogmatisch anti-seks? Hierin verschilt het Boeddhisme blijkbaar niet van de meeste wereldreligies. Toch gek om te prediken voor diep zelfonderzoek en één van de fundamentele ingangen daarvoor zonder onderbouwing af te serveren. Kortom: denk zelf na en wijs dit mooie levensgebied niet af. Wend je eerder tot de chakra’s of de spirituele tantra-tradities die het hele leven omarmen, ook je verlangens. In de bijlagen staat een anti-boosheidscontract voor tussen partners. Het lijkt mij dat als je daar een contract voor moet afsluiten compleet met handtekeningen en de Boeddha en leefgemeenschapsleden als getuigen, dat je dan op een verkeerd spoor zit, of je moet echt anger issues hebben. Tenslotte komen we drogredenen tegen en zinnen zoals deze: “Als jij geen Boeddha wordt, wie dan wel?”, “Je kunt een Boeddha worden wanneer je maar wilt. (…) Een Boeddha worden is niet zo moeilijk. Een Boeddha is iemand die verlicht is en in staat is tot liefhebben en vergeven.” “Maar gooi je lijden niet weg. Maak er gebruik van.” Brrrr…

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thich Nhat Hahn writes from the most lovely place of peace and love. This book is one that every person that is in a relationship, or would like to be in one that is healthy at some point, could benefit from. Some much of this book is about loving yourself. Loving enough to be accepting of yourself, see your feelings clearly and finding a way to nurture whatever it is that you do feel. There is no "wrong" feeling, but you must find the reason for them and the clarity in what they tell you about your own issues.

Love has no attachment. This is a hard one for western minds to hear. I've tried to explain it, but it is so foreign. We've all heard the saying were if you love someone, set them free- if they return it was meant to be, if not, then it wasn't. It is sort of like that, but there is never any ownership of any kind at any point. There is just love. Not need. Not that you aren't there for your loved ones and that they aren't there for you, but it is not an obligation. It is an honest decision from love. If you love, you will be there. If you are loved, they will be too. It is so very simple.

The only reason I can't give it 5 stars (I'd do 4.5 if I could!) is because there is more buddhist influence and more monk influence than suits me at certain points (the end, mainly). Monks are humans with sexual feelings too, but not allowed to express that, so I would say that the nurturing those feelings into something other than passion is the goal for the author, whereas a healthy adult with a sexual appetite might opt to manifest that sexual energy in a way that is acceptable rather than changing those feelings. It wasn't a pervasive message, but one that was there and didn't ring as true for me. That being said, it is a wonderful book and I feel that it has helped me grow in many ways. My husband (not a reader) read it too and felt very much the same.

[Jesse Sommeling · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thich Nhat Hanh (or 'Thay' as he his called by his friends) is known for his very unique and intimate style of writing. He makes you feel at ease just by reading his words.
I bought his book at Plum Village, his monastery in the South of France during a one-month retreat. This rather smallbooklet has become somewhat precious to me as it reminds me of some basic -but easily forgotten- wisdom for daily life.

The title refers to 'How to Create a Loving Relationship'. While this book is certainly about relationships, there is much more to it. It is about noting the difference between 'true love' and 'sensual love'. Which can be applied in any relationship as well as daily life. He writes that we are continuously exposed to a wide range of desires. Whether it be a new watch, a pair of shoes or engaging into sexual relationships. The author states that getting lost into sensual love in absence of true love could create suffering in the relationship with yourself and the relationship with your partner. Learning to love oneself is just as important as learning to love another.

Learning the difference between true love and sensual love, you can also learn to truly appreciate and love your partner. The writer states that it is important to note on what values your love for your partner is based on. Without being aware, our love for another can be driven by the need for sexual activity, the need for attention, affirmation, our own insecurities etc. This is a rather unstable source of love and happiness within our relationship, as once our partner is not able to fulfill our desires, what happens to our love for this person?

Thay portraits a deep understanding on the question as well as his own answer. Although written from a buddhist's perspective, I can recommend this book to anyone regardless of age, sex, religion or background who is interested how to deepen the relationship with oneself and his/her partner. Food for thought it is!

[Alec · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You have to learn how to be comfortable with yourself and focus on making your own home within. Once you have a spiritual path, you have a home. Once you can deal with your emotions and handle the difficulties of your daily life, then you have something to offer to another person. The other person has to do the same thing. Both people have to heal on their own so they feel at ease in themselves; then they can become a home for each other." - beautiful, simple truths that take a long time to learn how to live by, too long.

[Bradley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this book comes from a Buddhist teacher, and although there are mentions of the Buddha and the sutras, this book has excellent advice for all people on how to cultivate a romantic relationship that is successful and long-lasting. Anyone of any belief system could benefit from this work that was written with peace.

[Vishnu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another lovely little book by Thich Nhat Hanh. I heartily recommend it to all, with the following caveat: the book is mostly about sensual desire. Maybe that would not have made for a catchy title for people to read, at least not as catchy as "Fidelity." Still, this book is like, entirely, 100% about sensual desire, and Buddhist views on sensual desire. So keep that in mind!

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This short book is full of wisdom and I'd like to read it again someday. At the time of this reading, I needed something more practical, that could directly be put into practice. The principles espoused felt way too spiritually abstruse and out of reach.

[Dr. Breeze Harper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book. Just simple and thoughtful ways to understanding the deep meaning of fidelity.

[Namees Shaeb · Rating 4 out of 5]

But fidelity is not a question of survival. It is one of vitality
OK it's intended to be read many times

[Suraj Kumar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who has been regularly following my reading updates would know that I am not the type of person who reads self help and motivational books. Yet I was interested in this latest publication by Aleph Book Company. This was primarily because of the brand name of the author- Thich Nhat Hanh. I have not read any book by him but I wanted to give this one a try. Having finished this rather short book, I am quite happy with my experience.

The book is subtitled ‘How to create a loving relationship that lasts’. So that is what you can expect from this book. The book manages to fulfil what it promises, without being preachy at any moment. And this is what I believe is the strength of this book. The reason why I don’t like reading self-help books is that they tend to be instructive and dogmatic. But this book was different in that respect, and therefore I cherished my experience of reading it.

The book does not straightaway begin with its proposed theme; it progresses gradually towards that topic, beginning first with some of the basic principles of the practice of Zen Buddhism. I found it to be a great strategy, and I also feel that what ultimately emerges as the major takeaway from this book are those very principles only, and not the advice concerning fidelity in a relationship. This is not to say that the passages on fidelity aren’t that good, because as I have mentioned earlier the book does succeed in fulfilling what it promises.

For those who haven’t read anything by Thich Nhat Hanh, I feel, this book is a great starting point. Not only is it very short in length, but it also presents the arguments very convincingly so that the reader is never lost in abstract ideas. However those who have read the earlier works of the author might find certain ideas being repeated in this one. I say this just on the basis of my reading of this book. So I might be wrong. As a final word I would say that this one is definitely recommended.

My Rating: **** (4.25/5)

[Tabbie Holmes · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Every single person contains the seeds of goodness, kindness, and enlightenment... When we act as if people have these seeds inside them, it gives us and them the strength and energy to help these seeds grow and flower.”

“If your love is true love, it will benefit not only humans, but also animals, plants, and minerals.”

“First we develop the capacity of letting go. Then we develop the capacity of being mindful. Then we can see that happiness is already available.”

“Such concentration increases the quality of our happiness. Suppose you have a cup of tea. When you’re mindful and concentrated, your tea becomes something very real and the time of tea drinking makes you so happy. Your mind is not disturbed. It’s not dwelling in the past, in the future, or on your current projects. Your mind is focused entirely on the tea.”

“If we see an image and are seduced by it, it is because we don’t know how to contemplate impermanence. Ignorant, we think that that form is wholesome and beautiful. We don’t know that appearance doesn’t contain anything real and long-lasting within it.”

[Kirk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it!

Try this experiment, though. Thich Nhat Hanh frames the book as commentary on chapter 32 of the ancient Chinese edition of the Dharmapada. That chapter isn't in the much earlier Pali version.

An English translation of the chapter is included as an appendix. Read it first. Then read the commentary.

Could you reach anything like this interpretation on your own? I couldn't. Not even close. The text seems to resolutely exclude all physical intimacy whatsoever, especially sex. Addressed to people who have taken a vow of celibacy, either for life or during a retreat, it vigorously resists any interpretation appropriate for people who have not.

I wonder whether his reading agrees with other Mahayana interpreters, whether other interpreters bypassed the chapter as irrelevant to aspiring bodhisattvas, or whether he interpreted it in light of other sutras or the Pali Dhammapada, which doesn't include chapter 32.

[David Poltorak · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.8/5

Picked this one randomly out of interest off the shelf at the library. A quick read on relationships, spirituality, and intimacy from a well-known Vietnamese monk's perspective.

Quotes:

We can tell the correct way to love because, when we love correctly, we don’t create more suffering.


We are all motivated by love. Love can be our greatest joy or – when it gets confused with craving and attachment – our greatest suffering.


Many young people don’t accept who they are, and yet they want to be a home for someone else. But how can they be if they’re not yet a home for themselves?


Nothing is lost; nothing is created; everything is transformed [quoting French chemist Antoine Lavoisier]


Understanding is the other name of love. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.


The most precious inheritance parents can leave their children is their own happiness. Parents’ happiness is the most valuable gift they can give their children.


A human being is a universe to discover. What we see is often just the shell; the truth isn’t easy to know.


Loneliness can only be healed by understanding and love.


Someone who can understand our suffering is our best friend.


Live in a way that brings you joy and happiness, and then you’ll be able to offer it to another person.


Understanding suffering is the very foundation of happiness. If you don’t know how to handle a painful feeling in you, how can you help another person to do so?


Of course you still have your freedom, and your partner still has her freedom intact. Love is not a kind of prison. True love gives us a lot of space.


A true spiritual partner is one who encourages you to look deep inside yourself for the beauty and love you’ve been seeking. A true teacher is someone who helps you discover the teacher in yourself.


Hearing something, we should examine it closely, comprehend it, and apply it. If, when we apply it, there is a result, then we can have faith in it. If there is no result, then we should not have faith in it just because of custom, scripture, or some spiritual teacher … our faith is always based on empirical evidence. We do not believe it just because it has been repeated many times by others.


When the three roots of faith, practice, and community support have fed us deeply, then we will be solid both alone and in our relationships.


The problem is not one of being wrong or right, but one of being more or less skillful. Living together is an art.


1. We are aware that all generations of our ancestors and all future generations are present with us.
2. We are aware of the expectations that our ancestors, our children, and their children have of us.
3. We are aware that our joy, peace, freedom, and harmony are the joy, peace, freedom, and harmony of our ancestors, our children, and their children.
4. We are aware that understanding is the very foundation of love.
5. We are aware that blaming and arguing can never help us and only create a wider gap between us; that only understanding, trust, and love can help us change and grow.

[Denisa Tomíková · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ak hľadáš knihu, ktorá ti ukáže ako vybudovať zdravé vzťahy, ako prijať partnera takého, aký je a aj to, ako pracovať s emóciami - siahni po tejto knihe. Neostáva len pri teórií, aj v tejto knihe nájdeš praktické a dychové cvičenia. V knihe nájdeš aj témy ako osamelosť, odpustenie, porozumenie, intimita, túžba a mnoho ďalších.

[Kshitija Ghan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quiet, grounding reminder that love is a daily practice rooted in presence, compassion, and honesty. It helped me see fidelity not just as loyalty to another, but as a deeper commitment to truth and care in how we show up for ourselves and others. Simple, reflective, and something I’ll return to when I need clarity in love.

[Amanda Oakz · Rating 3 out of 5]

As always, Thich Nhat Hanh delivers a beautiful message that asks us to reflect inward, be accountable, and reduce the suffering of those around us. I loved the last 10 or so pages.

3 stars because it lacked the poetic writing style that I've grown to expect from Thich Nhat Hahn.

[Nithesh S · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read it during a flight from Bengaluru to Delhi. Much of its ideas were in sync with my instincts about lust and love. But, it required a retelling in a different tone and tenor for me to reinforce the same beliefs. But I do like many other things about this book. Detailed review coming soon.

[Jyotsna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rating - 2.7 stars
NPS - 5 (Detractor)

Read it only if you are going through a rough patch in your romantic relationship.

Otherwise, skip.

Good teachings, just that I have managed to learn all of this through experience.

[Belén · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very nice little book with quite a lot of practical advice. If you've already listened to Thich Nhat Hanh's talks or read any of his other books, it might seem repetitive at first, but I think there's still a lot of wisdom to be found in his words.

[Marcel Graugnard · Rating 5 out of 5]

life changer

[Eduardo A. Camargo · Rating 5 out of 5]

"In life there are many worries and sorrows, but there's no greater sorrow than that brought by sensual love." P. 105.

[Lena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never nothing less than 5 stars for Thây.

[Nurshatjan Sherpidin · Rating 5 out of 5]

读的第一本一行禅师的书籍，很可惜在他去世的这一年，由于种种机缘巧合得知他，从开始阅读就充满了爱的能量，书的字里行间里面充斥着爱的光芒，读者会让人心里暖暖的，

[PY · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read. It made me think about the relationships I have experienced and am experiencing. A bit of a long read, took me awhile.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good read, interesting perspective from a Buddhist on romantic relationship.

[Tanner Mastaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

A tad disjointed and paradoxical, but thoughtful and inviting.