Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today's Teens and Sex

by Debby Herbenick, Susan Stone (with), Kristina Supler (with)

Parents of teenagers and young adults have enormous catching up to do to understand how sexting, internet porn, TikTok, and more have shaped sex for young people.

Too often, parents wear blinders when it comes to the sex lives of their children. They hear the statistics—how 80% of college students have engaged in rough sex or how one in four teens have sent or received a sext—and think, “Not my kid.”

Yes, Your Kid is the reality check parents need about what sex is like today—so they can better educate and support their tweens, teens, and college students.

Combining insights from cutting-edge research, conversations with real students, and on-the-ground legal experience, Yes, Your Kid provides:

•An overview of key topics in sexuality, from communication and consent to pornography and rough sex, describing how things have changed
•Real-world legal stories illustrating today’s consensual sex pitfalls and clear tips for how to help your child avoid them
•Age-appropriate tools to talk with tweens and teens about bodies, puberty, technology, birth control, and consent
•Concrete advice parents can share directly with their children so that—if and when their children become sexually active with partners—they are more likely to have safer, consensual sex
•Inclusive sexuality education tips for parents of young people on the autism spectrum

Authoritative, supportive, sex-positive, and facts-forward, Yes, Your Kid provides parents with the frank, accurate information they and their children need to safely navigate today’s sexual landscape.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Sexuality, Book Club

320 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 14, 2023

Reviews

[Leah Agirlandaboy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is excellent: well-researched, straightforward, inclusive, nonjudgmental, current, unflinching, calm, and generous. Even for people who didn’t grow up under the stricter forms of purity culture than what we consider baseline “American values,” there’s plenty here to learn about what kids (all kids! my and your kids!) are doing these days and why it matters that we parents are educated enough to talk to them about it. Highly recommended for all people with children and young adults in their lives.

[Robyn Steinke · Rating 4 out of 5]

A no-nonsense, straight forward, and direct resource that balanced sex positivity with pragmatic approaches for the modern complexities of puberty, teenage, and young adulthood - also clearly defined and contextualized. 4.5!

[Ines · Rating 3 out of 5]

herbenick’s NYT article on the health risks of choking during sex brought me here. This book was an interesting perspective on sexual health education

[Julie Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great info. It was a bit of a slog, especially the first half- as it mostly seemed like review for me but I really did appreciate this book despite the slog and difficult subject. The chapter headings for those of you interested are:

1. "I Love That Question!"-Becoming an Askable Parent

2. The Talk: It's Never Too Early (or Late) to Start

3. Sexual and Reproductive Health

4. Consent, Communication, and Care

5. Sex, Tech, and Hooking Up

6. Pornography and Other Sexually Explicit Media

7. The Rise of Rough Sex

8. Sex on the Spectrum

[Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m an Indiana University alumna and longtime Kinsey Institute fan. And, I am also the parent of a teenager. So, Dr. Debby Herbenick has an automatic audience in me, and ‘Yes, Your Kid’ does not disappoint.

Herbenick’s book is ostensibly written for parents, but it is at least as much designed for teens to stumble across. (She even suggests putting Post-It Notes in certain places to catch their attention.) It is a mostly non-clinical, commonsense guide to sexual exploration in emerging adults and covers topics Herbenick’s predecessors never dreamed of or at least never considered before the ubiquity of the internet (and a certain Jack Harlow smash single). She also brings in a couple of legal experts to offer commentary on potential danger zones for young adults, particularly those in college. Even if you feel that an older book would do the trick, Herbenick devotes entire chapters to the now-mainstream practice of rough sex (mainstream in that it is often sprung on partners as part of a typical experience) and to dating and sex among those on the autism spectrum.

Even though much of the advice is aimed at teens and college students (or their parents, to relay to them), it goes back even sooner; it is never too early to teach kids about respect and consent and online/phone/image safety. In fact, ‘Yes, Your Kid’ would not be inappropriate for parents of eight-year-olds to read and have in their back pocket. I especially appreciated Herbenick’s significant attention to teaching boys and young men respect for partners and avoiding trouble, particularly legal. Society at large should be so enlightened.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an authoritative, supportive, sex-positive, and facts-forward parenting guide that can help any parent struggling to raise teens in today's environment. Dr. Herbenick uses her background in sex research and observations on recent trends, emphasizing the importance of parents staying informed and open with their children. She also touches on topics of sexting, internet porn, TikTok, the impact of social media, and how to equip children with tools for safe and respectful relationships.

The author provides parents with tools to start conversations about sex and difficult topics with kids. There are also numerous tips in the book for various styles of families, including setting aside time to talk to your kids for five minutes about tough subjects. The book includes a section in the back that recommends books suited to different ages and stages, from picture books for young kids about consent and boundaries, to books for puberty age and high school age children.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...

[blakely june · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book to all people. I’m no where near having kids, just reading this book because a professor recommended it to me, but it was still so beneficial! The book covers a wide range of sexual topics as well as the data and trends that was super insightful for me. There are some things I disagree with as of now, but might change when I do eventually have kids, but overall, all of the advice given is amazing, and I will I had this growing up. I highly recommend this book for everyone.

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good information, likely best for parents of 5-8 year olds to read and then reread in 5 years so they can establish a rapport with their kids. Would be of some help for parents of tweens as well if they already have a good relationship. For parents of teens much of the info is likely coming too late. The legal aspects of some issues may be of use to those whose children (especially male children) will be legal adults soon.

[Danielle W · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super valuable read. Even if you have discussed sex with your child at various stages, this book points to layers upon layers of conversation left to be had. It's sometimes a difficult topic but the recognition that these topics are hard for adults to discuss is all the more reason to provide more support to young people. Let the squirming begin. (The title drew me in but a different title would make it easier to leave out for kids to read which I think this book could also be used for)

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a novice at this subject - this is the book for you. For parents looking for guidance on what your kids are being exposed to and ways to help them process it, the book is straightforward. For professionals in the field of sexual health, much of this is common sense but pay particular attention to chapter 7 “the rise of rough sex” which is eye opening if you are not familiar with Herbenick’s research on the topic.

[Emily Whittle-Perkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Yes, Your Kid” is a thoughtful and practical guide for parents beginning (or continuing) open, frequent conversations about sex. Dr. Debby Herbenick cuts through the awkwardness with real stories, solid research, and practical advice that makes tough conversations feel doable. She covers it all - age, ability, gender, orientation, values - and gives you the tools to talk openly making this book a guide you’ll keep coming back to.

[Amira · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is INCREDIBLY helpful! It teaches vocabulary and research, and gives parents some very practical advice about how to talk to their child about sex. There are also specific chapters for Queer kids and kids with ASD. An absolute must read for anyone who has children in their lives.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read, full of great info. Inclusive and informative. Appreciate the list of resources at the end.

[Emily R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars for an incredibly neutral, straightforward, affirming, and positive discussion about adolescent sex and sexuality. Finally, a book that doesn’t make me cringe!

[A'Llyn Ettien · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely worth reading -- no-nonsense coverage of issues a lot of parents didn't have to think about in their own youth (like sexting).

[Cam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read it for my research but it’s very good and would recommend to parents or people who work in adolescent SRH!

[sunny (jael’s version) · Rating 5 out of 5]

must read!

[Ginger · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for parents of tweens and teens.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please read this book, parents.

[Allison Elder · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good Information. I definitely like the first couple of chapters. The rest of the book I will keep as a resource as my kids get older.