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When Good Men Are Tempted
In the midst of a culture that shouts 'Sex!' from every corner, isn't it time someone talked eye-to-eye with Christian men about how to master lust and achieve the holiness they long for? Bill Perkins details a plan for sexual integrity -- one that works. He shows men how to achieve a purity that will preserve the sanctity of their marriages, the security of their families, the vitality of their walks with God, and the strength of their relationships with their brothers in Christ. Perkins unfolds a three-part game plan that can lead men to victory. Complete with discussion questions and 'Take Action' strategic steps, each chapter is designed to propel men onward toward the high prize of virtue.
197 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1997
34 people are currently reading
235 people want to read
About the author
Bill Perkins
30 books1 followerLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
As a writer I try to look under the rock to see what's hidden. Once I see something I have fun writing about it. I especially enjoy discovering how each puzzle peace fits into the picture. I'm a tenacious editor. I suspect I've edited almost every page of every book I've written thirty times . . . or more. I only wish I had more time to make each line better. I love wrapping sentences with God's grace.
As a writer I try to look under the rock to see what's hidden. Once I see something I have fun writing about it. I especially enjoy discovering how each puzzle peace fits into the picture. I'm a tenacious editor. I suspect I've edited almost every page of every book I've written thirty times . . . or more. I only wish I had more time to make each line better. I love wrapping sentences with God's grace.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
not-to-read
October 20, 2016I highly recommend this book to Trump.
November 21, 2018
What I liked:
1. I appreciate the honesty. I feel like a big part of the problem with Christian sexuality is that people are so reticent to be honest about the common struggles, as if being spiritual deactivates a man's hormones. It should surprise no one that men are attracted to beautiful women that they aren't married to. He doesn't mince words regarding the struggle - and I appreciate that. He says "in Christian circles, sexual sins are serious — as they should be. But that legitimate seriousness can also create a fear of misunderstanding or rejection, and that fear often drives men to isolation."
2. He makes men own their own issues. This book (except for one chapter to wives) is written solely for men, so he doesn't address women. Good! I hate it when I see Christians telling women how they should dress. First of all, it's not the woman's problem, but the man's problem that she is being objectified. Secondly, Christian men will sometime find themselves around non-Christian women who have no regard for these "modesty" standards, so it's an issue a man is going to have to get a handle on, with or without the aid of the types of clothes the women at their church wear. Thirdly, the way a woman dresses rarely has anything to do with a man. Women often wear clothes that make them feel confident or attractive. They should be able to do so without men (particularly Christian men) drooling over them, as if the way they dressed intended to attract creepy stares. And lastly, it's a bit insulting to men to assume that we can't control ourselves because an attractive woman wears something that we might not define as "modest"... but I digress. Rant over.
3. It's practical. He is helpful in identifying the pattern of failure, and how to interrupt the cycle. But more importantly, he puts a big emphasis on the importance of close male friendships, differentiating between friendships of affinity and deep personal friendship. These kinds of relationships play an important role in experiencing victory in this area because it is incredibly personal, typically leading to shame and isolation... which sets the table for more failure.
What I didn't like:
1. Too many chapters. Each chapter has discussion questions at the end, indicating an intent for the book to be used in small groups or mentoring relationships. Great! And having nice short chapters aids this intent. But it takes way too long for practical steps to enter the picture. If you're getting together once a week to discuss a chapter, we are talking 3+ months before we start discussing actual practical steps for victory. Not only that, but it felt unnecessary. I started off reading a chapter per day, thinking there would be enough content in each chapter worth being thoughtful/introspective about. After a few days, I started getting impatient. It felt like chapters could be combined, because I started reading 2 and 3 chapters at a time before I felt like I had enough material to chew on.
2. I didn't have a feel for his target audience. Sometimes it feels like he's talking to mature and godly Christian men who feel stuck and don't know how to take ground with regard to sexual sin. Sometimes it feels like he's talking to people who aren't even Christians, or at best are nominal. I get that people from both categories may be reading the book, but it still feels like large sections of the book simply won't resonate with whichever person is reading.
3. I understand he was quoting from Proverbs, but I disliked the idea that sagging breasts are the reason one would need to think about the "wife of your youth" as opposed to your current appropriately aged wife. Sexual attraction isn't objective, so there isn't a meaningful reason that I should have to try to remember back to a time when my wife was more aesthetically pleasing to my eye. If I'm not letting culture dictate what I find "sexy", then why do I have to try to remember a different version of my wife? Why capitulate to a culture that says my wife isn't as sexually appealing as she used to be? Which leads me to...
4. I didn't love his take on "Think about your wife" in general. While he does a good job in other parts of the book talking (at points with explicit content) about a man's role to satisfy his wife (instead of using her to gratify himself), it still felt like at times he was advocating for the objectification your wife. While it is true that my wife is the person that God gave me to satisfy me sexually - she is still a person, not my sexual object. Again, he doesn't explicitly say this, but he advises to "think about your wife" when you're feeling sexually preoccupied, and seems to hold a view that your wife is an acceptable thing to think about while masturbating. I certainly don't have black/white thinking of these ideas, but I don't feel like those activities cultivate a spiritually mature goal of meaningful intimacy with your wife. Instead it feels like he's saying that objectification of women isn't a problem, just objectification of "other" women.
Conclusion:
Definitely worth a read. His thoughts are helpful in identifying where/why we stumble - and gives honest and practical advice on how to take ground and gain victory. He also does a good job of talking about grace and our identity in Christ, as we are all going to stumble.
1. I appreciate the honesty. I feel like a big part of the problem with Christian sexuality is that people are so reticent to be honest about the common struggles, as if being spiritual deactivates a man's hormones. It should surprise no one that men are attracted to beautiful women that they aren't married to. He doesn't mince words regarding the struggle - and I appreciate that. He says "in Christian circles, sexual sins are serious — as they should be. But that legitimate seriousness can also create a fear of misunderstanding or rejection, and that fear often drives men to isolation."
2. He makes men own their own issues. This book (except for one chapter to wives) is written solely for men, so he doesn't address women. Good! I hate it when I see Christians telling women how they should dress. First of all, it's not the woman's problem, but the man's problem that she is being objectified. Secondly, Christian men will sometime find themselves around non-Christian women who have no regard for these "modesty" standards, so it's an issue a man is going to have to get a handle on, with or without the aid of the types of clothes the women at their church wear. Thirdly, the way a woman dresses rarely has anything to do with a man. Women often wear clothes that make them feel confident or attractive. They should be able to do so without men (particularly Christian men) drooling over them, as if the way they dressed intended to attract creepy stares. And lastly, it's a bit insulting to men to assume that we can't control ourselves because an attractive woman wears something that we might not define as "modest"... but I digress. Rant over.
3. It's practical. He is helpful in identifying the pattern of failure, and how to interrupt the cycle. But more importantly, he puts a big emphasis on the importance of close male friendships, differentiating between friendships of affinity and deep personal friendship. These kinds of relationships play an important role in experiencing victory in this area because it is incredibly personal, typically leading to shame and isolation... which sets the table for more failure.
What I didn't like:
1. Too many chapters. Each chapter has discussion questions at the end, indicating an intent for the book to be used in small groups or mentoring relationships. Great! And having nice short chapters aids this intent. But it takes way too long for practical steps to enter the picture. If you're getting together once a week to discuss a chapter, we are talking 3+ months before we start discussing actual practical steps for victory. Not only that, but it felt unnecessary. I started off reading a chapter per day, thinking there would be enough content in each chapter worth being thoughtful/introspective about. After a few days, I started getting impatient. It felt like chapters could be combined, because I started reading 2 and 3 chapters at a time before I felt like I had enough material to chew on.
2. I didn't have a feel for his target audience. Sometimes it feels like he's talking to mature and godly Christian men who feel stuck and don't know how to take ground with regard to sexual sin. Sometimes it feels like he's talking to people who aren't even Christians, or at best are nominal. I get that people from both categories may be reading the book, but it still feels like large sections of the book simply won't resonate with whichever person is reading.
3. I understand he was quoting from Proverbs, but I disliked the idea that sagging breasts are the reason one would need to think about the "wife of your youth" as opposed to your current appropriately aged wife. Sexual attraction isn't objective, so there isn't a meaningful reason that I should have to try to remember back to a time when my wife was more aesthetically pleasing to my eye. If I'm not letting culture dictate what I find "sexy", then why do I have to try to remember a different version of my wife? Why capitulate to a culture that says my wife isn't as sexually appealing as she used to be? Which leads me to...
4. I didn't love his take on "Think about your wife" in general. While he does a good job in other parts of the book talking (at points with explicit content) about a man's role to satisfy his wife (instead of using her to gratify himself), it still felt like at times he was advocating for the objectification your wife. While it is true that my wife is the person that God gave me to satisfy me sexually - she is still a person, not my sexual object. Again, he doesn't explicitly say this, but he advises to "think about your wife" when you're feeling sexually preoccupied, and seems to hold a view that your wife is an acceptable thing to think about while masturbating. I certainly don't have black/white thinking of these ideas, but I don't feel like those activities cultivate a spiritually mature goal of meaningful intimacy with your wife. Instead it feels like he's saying that objectification of women isn't a problem, just objectification of "other" women.
Conclusion:
Definitely worth a read. His thoughts are helpful in identifying where/why we stumble - and gives honest and practical advice on how to take ground and gain victory. He also does a good job of talking about grace and our identity in Christ, as we are all going to stumble.
October 21, 2020
This book changed my life. Literally. I can remember reading the raw, honest admissions the author had of his own sexual temptations and failures and thinking, "Wow, this guy is saying exactly what the rest of us are experiencing, and he just says it!" His transparency ministered to me effectively, and I was glad he did not glorify his moral failures but used them as examples of how the enemy tempts and causes us to disobey. He lays out a strategy guide to overcome temptation, as well as emphasizes that temptation in of itself isn't sin, and that we shouldn't be plagued with guilt and shame just because we struggle with sexual temptation. Its a temptation that's common to most men, and we're not alone in our battles. Encouraging, helpful and Christ-honoring, highly recommended.
October 12, 2017
It took me ages to finish the book. I started three times before I managed to do it. In general, I didn't enjoy it much. For me it seems a bit bloated - the same thoughts are repeated over and over again. The book is written from Protestant point of view and I don't agree with some statements. I hope it can help some people better understand their struggles and overcome temptations.
May 22, 2025
There are much better books on this topic out there. There are a few good points in there but not enough for me to recommend this book to anyone. I don’t agree with some of his points, some analogies are just plain weird, he assumes things not recorded in scripture and uses some odd examples. If I didn’t commit to finishing the book then I’d have given up ages ago.
January 17, 2023
By far one of the best books on the subject. He writes to men and it’s easy to read. Super practical with biblical steps for overcoming sin. I HIGHLY recommend this book! You must read it through to the end for a special little nugget.
October 13, 2017
Easy to read, honest, biblical, and as a woman it is very interesting to get a peek in a man's brain on the subject ;)
Lots of practical advise on how to win in this struggle, and a lot of the things he says are applicable to any temptation, not just pornography.
Lots of practical advise on how to win in this struggle, and a lot of the things he says are applicable to any temptation, not just pornography.
March 22, 2020
Practical and insightful solutions to resist temptations.
April 8, 2021
Insightful, practical.
January 1, 2022
Read multiple times
January 31, 2024
Well written by a man for any man struggling with an addition.
December 15, 2025
When you want practical ways to run from temptations and understanding its nature and how it ruins your life and relationship, this book is recommended.
February 25, 2020
While a large chunk of this book is meant for married men, don't let that drive you away. There are a lot of lesson singles can glean out of this book too. Honestly I knew this book would be a little.. hmm.. how to put it... Radical.. when i read the title of the first chapter itself. ('Why do naked dogs look so dressed up?') . And it was just that. Bill exposes a lot of sexual habits and secrets Christian men struggle with of which they are sometimes ashamed to share it with their accountability partners. And he addresses them one by one.. in explicit detail. He doesn't brush off certain sensitive things under the rug like churches are prone to do today. Bill is also a person who had fallen really really low in his spiritual life before his relationship with God changed forever. So he never addresses the issues through harsh judgments from a lofty perch in the clouds, rather he speaks through heartfelt love and rooted in scripture. I really enjoyed the book.
September 18, 2014
Mr. Perkins has assembled an impressive collection of helpful tips for overcoming sexual temptations. He is practically minded and intent on helping men overcome temptation and live a life of purity. While containing a useful number of tips and strategies, Mr. Perkins unfortunately comes across as flippant and has an attitude that smacks of "take two and if that doesn't work, repeat." He speaks of his own struggles, but it almost appears as if he never really struggled with sexual temptations, and certainly not any more now that he has it all figured out.
That said, there are enough tips and strategies presented in this book so that any man who is wanting help in overcoming sexual temptation should be able to find some help from this book.
That said, there are enough tips and strategies presented in this book so that any man who is wanting help in overcoming sexual temptation should be able to find some help from this book.
May 17, 2012
Read this book when I had some free time. Finished it over my personal retreat. It was semi-helpful. I don't agree with the author's premise (i.e. We will never get rid of the sin nature; we will ALWAYS deal with lust and the propensity to sin, or what he calls "the dragon inside of us."), but he had some good things to say. He also interprets Romans 7:14-25 as a regenerated person. Hence, his interpretation. I disagree mostly with Him, but I thought it would be good to check out since I'm married. I skimmed a lot because he could have said less and had more impact.
Read
January 24, 2016This is the first title in my attempt to expand my reading to include books intended for the opposite sex. I remember that it's a good read but it has been many years since I read it so, I'll have to re-read before I write a proper review.
All I remember is that accountability is very important if men want to keep pure. So, it's always good to have a buddy of the same sex to confide in.
All I remember is that accountability is very important if men want to keep pure. So, it's always good to have a buddy of the same sex to confide in.
August 7, 2008
Some good insights.
October 5, 2008
...its a very nice book, talks out of a shelf and very critical
July 2, 2011
كتاب رائع
هل تستطيع ان تتحكم فى شهوانيتك لا ان تتحكم فيك
هذا الكتاب يساعدك
كتاب للرجال جميعا
هل تستطيع ان تتحكم فى شهوانيتك لا ان تتحكم فيك
هذا الكتاب يساعدك
كتاب للرجال جميعا
October 13, 2012
An amaziiiing boooooook
October 17, 2013
Honest and helpful. Explicit at times, meant for married men. Prefer over Every Man's Battle on topic.
April 9, 2014
This was overall a very good book dealing with the subject of sexual purity. I only knocked it down a star because of a couple differences of opinion I have with the author on certain topics.
January 18, 2016
There are better books out there on this topic.
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews