The Old Gays Guide to the Good Life: Lessons Learned About Love and Death, Sex and Sin, and Saving the Best for Last – A Funny Group Memoir by TikTok's @oldgays

by Mick Peterson, Bill Lyons, Robert Reeves

From America’s most beloved foursome—the TikTok sensation @theoldgays—a book of unexpected aspirational advice and inspirational stories drawn from their decades of living, from pre-Stonewall to the rise of the LGBTQ+ movement to gay marriage and beyond. Ranging in age from 67 to 80, Mick, Jessay, Robert, and Bill are the real-life Golden Girls of the social media era, a quartet of old gays whose hard-won confidence and awesome authenticity have taken the culture by storm. They are America’s beloved Queens—and more importantly, they are survivors whose lives have been transformed by sweeping cultural change. In this fabulously fun and entertaining book, they share their stories—humorous, heartbreaking, shocking, and profound tales which only older gay men can tell. It was their generation that was devastated by AIDS, a health crisis that deprived us of so many brilliant, creative lives, including many of their friends. In this delightful group memoir, Mick, Jessay, Robert, and Bill intimately reveal all about their lives, revealing who they are beyond TikTok, where they came from, and how they found each other. They offer their collective wisdom on a rainbow of topics, including coming out, sex, gay liberation, gay marriage, AIDS, aging, and saving the best act for last. Outrageous and hilarious, refreshingly earnest and unfiltered, engaging and insightful, they’ve been through it all—harassment, divorce, depression, bankruptcy, even near-death experiences. Between the four of them, there's not much of life they haven't seen or done, and now they dish on everything from fitness and fabulous dinner parties to church and orgies.  An intimate and moving portrait of four friends who have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly—and look forward to the best that is still to come, The Old Gays Guide to the Good Life is a celebration of lives lived to the fullest—sometimes against all odds—and a lesson for all of us that age is just a number and that getting older can be outrageously fun. The Old Gay Guys Guide to the Good Life features a full-color photo insert.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Memoir, Queer, Biography, Audiobook, Biography Memoir

256 pages, Hardcover

Published November 28, 2023

Reviews

[Terence M [Quot libros, quam breve tempus!] · Rating 2 out of 5]

2-Stars DNF - "It Was OK - but not for me"
My involvement with the theatre from ages 19-28 exposed me to the 'camp' theatre community and I loved them, despite being undeniably 'straight' myself. I thought this book might be fun - it wasn't.

Apparently these old guys are a big hit on TikTok, but I haven't checked out this young'uns website yet😃. The production and the audio quality of this book were really quite poor. While the idea of using the guys as the narrators might have sounded good, the actual mish-mash of four old queens shrieking in girly voices as they told their 'life' stories was pretty ghastly. Not to mention the terrible 'interlude' music!

[[Jamie] · Rating 5 out of 5]

LISTEN TO THE AUDIOBOOK
It's read by the Old Gays themselves and feels more like a conversation than a book. I was laughing a lot and gave some valuable perspective on the gay generation that survived AIDS.

A fun read to say the least

[Kylah Erickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone’s life would be so much better if they had gay grandpas. This audiobook had me laughing and crying 🥹

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

We must respect and protect these stories of those who came before us in the gay community.
Horrific and heartbreaking tales of people just wanting to be themselves. And love who they love. Openly.
Thank you for your courage.

[TA Inskeep · Rating 4 out of 5]

Frothy but fun, and it contains some important *lived* gay history.

[Max Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Library Loan.

This book was really sweet. I really do love hearing queer stories from the Lost Generation. There’s something so important about recognizing these realities.

Such a funny book and I enjoyed the conversational structure. Time to binge watch their TikToks!

Refreshing (and a little raunchy!) read, would recommend. Especially to queer friends.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed the Old Gays on social media for a long time and was so excited to see their book! This is one that, if you're going to read it, you MUST listen to this one! The book is narrated by the Old Gays and their passions and personalities just ooze out. I laughed, I cried, I smiled, and thoroughly enjoyed getting to listen to the histories and wisdoms shared by each of the members of the group. This is a 10/10 MUST for any fan of these men... and, if you aren't following them yet on social media, you are missing out on daily sunshine from these national treasures!

[Maddie · Rating 3 out of 5]

*audiobook* I’m not really sure what rating to give this one as it was all over the place, but in a good way?? I think? 😂. This has me laughing out loud, picking my jaw up off the floor, and feeling some deep emotions while hearing stories from these 4 men. I’ll just say it was interesting to say the least! Also know that it is a bit rated R for any wondering if this is fit them!

[Melissa L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I fell madly in love with these 4 men and felt like I was being hugged by each one while listening to this audiobook. Their stories made me laugh and cry (and sometimes gasp!) I am not on TikTok so although I had heard of them, I wasn’t at all familiar with their content. Even so, highly recommend!

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. I learned about the lifestyle and the struggles faced by gay men in a straight society. Tears were shed during the passages on the AIDS epidemic. These guys are very personable and they teach important lessons on enjoying life.

[Kris Terpstra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would love to meet these guys. Excellent book!

[Samuel Cahoon · Rating 5 out of 5]

The old gay grandpas we all need so desperately - tales of comedy, life advice, hundreds of years of wisdom and queerness in one book 🌈

[Joshua Greer · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up, I’d say. Fun stories!

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

encouraging, educational, empowering, moving. learning about the history of LGBTQ+ and the AIDS crisis and just how different that world was is so important to understand and also mind-boggling and fascinating to me. i’ve been learning a lot about it this year, plus with watching the show fellow travelers and it’s helped me see today’s LGBTQ world through a certain lens as well and make me grateful for the changes and trajectory we are on. also is just nice to read older people’s thoughts on life happiness and death and living.

[Sarah Edell · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you follow them on TikTok, you have to read this of course. As I did. No, it is not well edited. And the book binding and paper are cheap. But the stories and truths they share are worth booming bible verse and solid gold lame’ speedos. These men went through it all and have wisdom most of us take multiple lifetimes to gain.

Still, I am probably being ridiculous, but I want more about their philosophies of morality and culture. I was fascinated by Robert’s comment on how getting the right to marry was great, but yet he felt the whole institution was still too heterosexual. What aspects of broader society do we need to change not only to be more egalitarian but to be more gay? To bring the best aspects of these men’s learnings to society more broadly? I should shut up and just enjoy the show, but I felt there was room for just a bit more from these guys whom I adore.

[Richard · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love the Old Gays, but they were very poorly served by their editor here. The result is disjointed, shallow, repetitive, and sometimes just plain dumb.

It IS absolutely filthy, though.

[Brooke · Rating 2 out of 5]

I haven’t heard of these guys, but it looked like a fun read. The book wasn’t really for me, however, I bet these guys are hilarious and would be fun to follow on TikTok! I’m invested now to find them and watch a few. Maybe had I seen their videos first, the book would have been better, could have connected. Sadly, without knowing them, I just didn’t enjoy it. There are funny parts, but the very promiscuous parts weren’t for me. 🙈

[Leandro · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dnf @ 15%

This is a book for avid fans, it seems. Just by knowing them from a tiktok or two didn't help me identify who was who in the plot, specially with their names, their friends' names, their family and loved one's names... It felt like I was reading a separate short story every other page.

[Mediaman · Rating 2 out of 5]

I guess if you're familiar with these four then you might be interested in reading a bit about their backgrounds and whole lot of bad logic, meaningless theology, and warped advice. I've never seen their videos so found the book to be simplistic, moralistic in a LGBTQ sense, and filled with "I don't care" attitudes that actually work against someone staying healthy and happy.

In many cases these guys from San Francisco, Los Angeles and Palm Springs reflect what's wrong with gay culture--they want to live a wild lifestyle, make audacious claims, act however they want not thinking of others, and yet not be impacted by any of it. If you're going to sleep around (in one case with 5,000 men over his lifetime) they it shouldn't come as a surprise that you've come close to death a few times or ended up with a life-changing disease.

Parts are ridiculous. The Christian gospel singer who justifies his affairs with a married straight pastor. The old one who says he knew he was gay when he was three. Another who was sexually abused at age 8 while riding a horse with an adult but swears it "did not make me gay." The supposedly rich one who lost it all because he couldn't pay mortgages. The one who believes only pets, not people, live in the afterlife. There are also plenty of mentions regarding illicit drug usage and of course lots of sex (in a hot tub in the middle of a living room?).

Many parts of this could be better fleshed out, literally. Most of it is just them responding to some generic questions in a few short paragraphs. Their attitudes are mostly positive but at times they seem clueless about how they've caused their own pain and heartbreak by the choices they've made. It might be of interest to young guys but it shouldn't be used as a guide to anyone's life.

[Stuart · Rating 2 out of 5]

(copy received via goodreads giveaway)

I started writing a review and the app ate it so I’m going to hit the bullet points, because frankly I didn’t really enjoy this and don’t want to spend a lot of time on it.

I like that this book gave these men the opportunity to tell us about themselves and their lives. Their individual memoir sections were the most interesting, and read the best. The other parts of the book, some parts that read like advice columns and some parts that read like titillating tell-alls, feel like they probably overlap with the group’s social media videos in a way I didn’t find interesting.

The structure and writing of the book was a bit strange, and it’s never made clear who actually wrote or edited it, or how it was generated. Was this a series of interviews held with the Old Gays, then edited? Did they each write their response to a series of set questions? A combination? Some of the answers felt very off the cuff and genuine, and some read incredibly rehearsed and performed. Overall, this book didn’t come off as sincere for all four men to the same level, and it’s not entirely clear how some of them read very openly and some read very scripted.

I don’t like social media and as a societal structure think it’s terrible, but I am glad the success of the Old Gays has kept them out of destitution. We need our queer elders to thrive, and the financial situations they were all facing before these channels took off are galling. We must do better as a society.

That said, this mostly felt tonally like reading tiktok videos, and I’m just not all that interested in that.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t have Tik Tok and I had never heard of the Old Gays until I visited the Best Bookstore in Palm Springs at our reading retreat and the owners of the store Paul and Sarah sold me on the book, as the OGs had just had an event the prior evening and had signed copies of the book. At the same time the Book Riot Read Harder challenge 2024 came out and one of the categories was a book about queer artistry. So I read this book and I learned so much. The lives of the OGs span the period of modern LGBTQ history, from the days being closeted continuing to the AIDS era and into the legalization of gay marriage. Their coming of age in California mostly spans the mid 60s to the present as they are ages 67 to 80 from JFK to Reagan to Trump from recession to real estate boom to the Great Recession of 2008. Their stories are interesting and inspiring. As they lived most of their lives in California I enjoyed reading about places I’m familiar with from the Pacific Design Center to Pavilions Market in West Hollywood to the Palm Springs of my childhood. A really interesting book.

[Jaime · Rating 4 out of 5]

First learned about Bill, Mick, Jessay, and Robert, the OGs, when one of their Tik Toks came up on my app. Their energy was, and still is, infectious so I told everyone about them. So much so that my wife gave me this book as a Christmas gift. SOOOOOOOO many questions are answered in this book about the Old Gays' background. Their positivity and camaraderie is infectious on Tik Tok and it also comes across in the book. I encourage anyone who wants to read something uplifting to pick up this book.

Also, Mick, if you ever see this...thank you for the "How to be a Beefcake" tips.

(PS: Still trying to become a fan of the fifth OG, Jessay's friend. I'm sure it will happen.)

[Leah K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I only recently found out about The Old Guys, a social media sensation. But what a delightful group of men! Once I found their page, I was keen to know more about them and was thrilled when I found this book - The Old Gays Guide to the Good Life. The book did NOT disappoint. Even if you've never heard of any of these men, the book is informative and fascinating. This group has seen a lot in their 70+ years of life - discrimination, HIV, loss, and more. I know this book won't be for everyone. In fact, The Old Gays Guide is filled with dating, sex, love, etc and it can get VERY graphic at times. I very much enjoyed every second of this one!

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

The negative reviews of this book are unnecessary and unfair.

I’ve really enjoyed the Old Gays via TikTok, and was expecting this book to offer backstory - it does. It’s not a challenging read and that’s perfectly ok, it is engaging and important.

To be able to read the stories of elder members of marginalised communities is critical, as this is how we’ll change the future, and maintain progress. If you think that this book isn’t for you, you’re wrong, because we all have a responsibility to make the world a better place for each other, and one way of doing that is ensuring that equal rights are granted to all.

Thank you to the Old Gays for sharing their stories.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook version of this and recommend that for anyone who has been following the Old Gays on social media. I appreciated their insights into life and how times have changed over the years. This book is often funny and sometimes sad, especially when they talk about the AIDS crisis. They are very open and frank about sex (at one point they say something like "heads up, this part is spicy" and I thought "wait, it hasn't been spicy already?!" Ha!) Bottom line: if you love these guys on social, you'll probably love the book.

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast read about West Coast gay seniors' perspectives on life in their sixties and seventies.

It would probably be best to be familiar with them from TikTok to get the most out of the book, but it's still interesting to learn about that generation's perspective on how things have changed for gay men in their lifetime.

Overall, better for fans, but it's still difficult to find individual and comparative accounts of gay history, so worth it for that as well.

[Vincent · Rating 3 out of 5]

So I liked a lot of what was said and how all of the Old Gays felt comfortable to say everything! I mean this was shockingly no holds barred, but I enjoyed it because we don’t talk about older people being sexually active! But the format of this book confused me so much because there’s intro’s to each person, than random questions posed with quick responses, and than longer stories. It made no sense to me but I approach things in a very linear manner so maybe it worked for other people!

[Rhiannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hysterical, and knew it in the first sentence about DMs must be like having BMs 😸😸 Caution if not LGBTQ or more conservative. I have heard less details about sex lives from 20 year old frats! I thought it eye opening, but warm and thoughtful. Not having a lot of close family, I appreciate good advice, especially from people of my grandparent's age, and more especially from LGBTQ elders. Recommended, even if not on the LGBTQ spectrum.

[Casey · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I grow older and more and more into my own queerness, I find myself seeking out the experiences of my queer elders, and the stories laid out by "The Old Gays of TikTok"—Bill, Jessay, Robert and Mick—are all fascinating from a personal and historic perspective, so varied and run the full gauntlet of human emotion. I'm so glad I impulse bought this, because it turned out to be such a fun, interesting read!

[Ryn Vondruska · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t have any older gays in my life to learn from and lean on. This book was an eye opener to the importance of community and knowing one’s history. I truly, truly enjoyed the glimpse I’ve gotten into the lives of these 4 divas. How lucky am I to read the wisdom of these icons who’ve learned what it is to live and live freely, and are now teaching us.

To the Old Gays, I thank you for your bravery and open love.