The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football

by Dan Patrick, Joel H. Cohen, Joel Cohen

Celebrated sports commentator Dan Patrick and comedy writer Joel H. Cohen team up with some of America’s greatest* comedy writers to tell you everything and nothing about America’s sport!**

*“greatest” is actually just a bad type-o for “mediocre”
**No, not darts, we mean pro football. (book on professional darts coming never)

Did you know . . .

Tom Brady is a very good quarterback. (True, but only according to statistics and accomplishments.)

The formation of the NFL took place in an auto dealership. The founders started an institution and also were convinced to buy rust-proofing for it. (Half true.)

The Carolina Panthers originated as a book club but turned to football when they couldn’t agree on which John Grisham novel to read. (Maybe true. Research isn’t our thing.)

The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football is a love letter to America’s favorite game, full of highlights, history, great plays and players, scandals, Super Bowls, and a series of lies, idiotic theories, baseless conspiracies, a diet that may kill you and, of course, a poorly-written haiku. The book takes the credibility Dan Patrick has built up over a stellar broadcast career (ESPN, NBC Sports, something called “Peacock”) and risks it all with these falsehoods, half-truths, and even some quarter-truths.

This parade of inanity is co-written by Joel H. Cohen (3 Emmys, several cavities due to poor flossing) and includes contributions from certifiably hilarious people, such as:

• Andy Richter ( Late Night with Conan O’Brien )
• Brian Kelley ( The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live )
• Chuck Tatham ( Modern Family, Arrested Development, How I Met Your Mother )
• Mike Price ( The Simpsons, F is for Family )
• Donick Cary ( Silicon Valley, New Girl )
• Christine Nangle ( Inside Amy Schumer, Saturday Night Live )
• Broti Gupta ( The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Simpsons )
• Rob Cohen ( Saturday Night Live, Big Bang Theory )

Illustrated in two colors (black and white are colors, right?) The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football informs (a little), entertains (a lot), and is the perfect gift to taunt the Jets fans in your life.

Genres: Sports, Football, Audiobook, Nonfiction

240 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 5, 2023

Reviews

[Janine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been a fan of Dan Patrick for a very long time from his years of sportscasting and hosting The Dan Patrick Show on various platforms. So listening to The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football, all about the history and basics of pro gridiron football, was a no brainer. In the span of less than 5 hours, Dan Patrick (written with the help of Joel H. Cohen), goes through the history of pro football, each chapter covering a new decade. This mostly covers the NFL, but does mention rival leagues in a chapter, basics about each team and other parts of the game, such as media coverage and rules. All of it is laced with comedy that had me busted out laughing throughout the entire book, all with the classic Dan Patrick humor. There are also some sections written by some pro comedians, that add an extra flavor to the book. The comedy and humor is kept PG, some mild swears, but appropriate for most audiences. If you're looking for a in depth reference and history of the NFL or gridiron football in general, this isn't the book, but that's not a bad thing. This is a book that covers the basics and does it well, perfect for those just getting into the sport, but also great for life long fans looking for a fun way to further consume the sport.
*I received an ARC of the audiobook from Netgalley and Recorded Books. All opinions are my own.*

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Despite beginning its narrative by taking a pot shot at baseball (rolls eyes), this actually reads more like a baseball book than a football book. And I mean that unequivocally as a compliment.

Baseball books tend to do a much better job at making their subject fun and humorous to read about, while football books tend to take themselves far too seriously. As someone who works in sports media and sees quite a bit of this in the football world, it was a delight to read a football book that seems to understand that sports are, ultimately, and entertainment product and while many among us (myself included) take them far too seriously at times, at the end of the day, this stuff is supposed to be fun.

Patrick and Cohen have done a wonderful job in this (appropriately) short book of imparting plenty of history, analysis, and thought provoking theory on the sport. But couching it in the type of humor and joy-driven narrative that I wish we saw more of when discussing professional football.

*I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.*

[Sarita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it!! I am a die-hard Steeler fan and an NFL fan, of course, and I could not stop laughing at some of the made up 'facts' about teams and players. I didn't actually read the entire book, just the highlights, and I was laughing with every page! For NFL and football fans, no matter who your team is, I highly recommend this book! You will be laughing, I guarantee it!

[Reed Contreras · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick, fun read. Dan reading the audio book kept me laughing throughout

[Bradley Franks · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football
Written by Dan Patrick and Joel H. Cohen
Read by Dan Patrick
Book 197/200
Genre: Sports, History
Format: Audio/Digital
Pages/Time: 240/4hrs 41min
Published: 2023
Rating: 8.5/10

"So What Does All of This Really Mean? ... Wayne Gretzky is the greatest NFL player ever."

This is a book any fan of American Football will enjoy. Patrick and Cohen take readers through a hilarious history of American football. It was fun to read through this book and see the teams and history of the NFL. From the highs of the Immaculate reception to the lows of the Butt-Fumble, TOAAOF captures it all. Readers will learn about how a goal in the Premier League is worth ten points in football, and how Tom Brady is the WOAT (Worst of All Time). How the Patriots are no-good cheaters and better name options for Washington other than the "Commanders". Maybe just don't get this for the Jets fan in your life, why be harder on them than life already is.

[Jennifer B · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football
By: Dan Patrick, Joel H. Cohen
Narrated By: Dan Patrick
Review Score: 4 Stars

Boogie’s Bulletpoints

•This is a fun book that doesn’t take itself too seriously.

•No spoilers, but there are a few quips about Gronk and JJ Watt that made me laugh out loud!

•While a lighthearted book, there is a little bit about the history of football built in.

•If you are football fan, you will enjoy this.

———

The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football was kindly provided as an ARC by Netgalley and RB Media. Thank you for allowing me to read this wonderful book!

Release Date: Out Now!


The only other sport I love more than F1 is football. I was excited to see this book pop up on Netgalley, and I really enjoyed it. It’s truly a mix of factual data and silliness. It’s definitely worth checking out!

Do you watch football? Do you have a favorite team?

#bookstagram #books #readingnow #boogiereadsbooks #fivekeyfeels #audiobooks #audiobook #arcreview #nonfiction #netgalley #boogiesbulletpoints #theoccasionallyaccurateannalsoffootball #danpatrick #joelhcohen #football

[Corey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Narrated By: Dan Patrick(which is important because he has a fantastic voice)

This is a fun book that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Alot of funny moments, especially the quips about Gronk and JJ Watt that made me laugh out loud! While a lighthearted book, there is a little bit about the history of football built in.

If you are football fan, you will enjoy this.

[Matthew Raber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect gift for any young sports fan. Funny, great insights into different eras of football, and some great stories that every sports fan would appreciate. 10/10 would recommend

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks Dan and Joel…this book is what I thought it would be 😎

[Brian Bolek]

listened to the audiobook. I enjoy when the author is the narrator of the audiobooks. simple fast listen. most stuff were things I already knew but expectations weren't high to begin with.

[Kristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dan Patrick does a great job with this love letter to the game of football. I particularly enjoyed the history here -- I learned that footballs were never made of pigskin, but they are made in Ohio (appropriately.) I laughed quite a lot while reading this, and learned a bunch about how the NFL became the league of today. It's also a problematic, dangerous mess, which Dan addresses. No one is shying away from the fact that the average NFL career is 2.5 years -- and so even if you get your dream job, you very well could be unemployed by the age of 23.

My criticism is that this book really glazes over every subject -- the audio is just under five hours, and so there is very little detail and your favorite players, moments, fan sections, halftime performances only get the quickest mention. And some of the jokes are a bit corny, but Dan knows that.... he knows.

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

[Dave Mcmasters · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football" by Dan Patrick is a satirical journey through the history of the NFL, presented in a stream of consciousness style. While some might find it forgettable, the book offers a crash course in the league's history, memorable highlights and some made up stories or facts. I thought it was mediocre.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. It was, at times, funny. Mostly silly. It felt like a really long dad joke with a few football stats through in.

[Dennis C. · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was very excited to read this book as a daily watcher/listener to Dan Patrick since he started his own radio show.

I was very disappointed in the book and could not get through the first several chapters due to the sophomoric writing. The style may work for a daily talk show with Dan and the Danettes, doesn't work as well for a book.

If you are thinking of getting this for a father, son, brother, boyfriend, etc for Christmas, unless he is too into fart jokes and similar antics I would find something a little more literary, try Ball Four, the Summer of '42 or another classic sports book.

[Justin Cox · Rating 4 out of 5]

Received as a ARC from NetGalley.

If you know and like football you’ll likely like this book. If you don’t, you won’t. A heavy smattering of wit and sarcasm.

[J Earl · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football, by Dan Patrick and Joel H Cohen, is a fun semi-factual look at football. I listened to the audiobook, narrated by Patrick.

My rating is an average of what I would give the audiobook alone and what I would give the paper version alone. Patrick does a fine job narrating, but the book is composed of little snippets with illustrations around them. These are grouped into chapters. In addition to not having the mostly fun illustrations, we lose some of the feel of these being a lot of short anecdotes (usually with a germ of truth that gets embellished, shall we say). The physical book would be one you might want to dip into periodically for fun. The audiobook is set up, and read, as chapters. That is just a bit more than I wanted to handle. It isn't that Patrick doesn't usually try to pause between pieces, but when listening it all gets to be a long stream of fun but absurd jokes.

I did find myself looking up a lot of stuff to see where exactly the facts end and the fiction begins, which was fun. I've followed and read about football since I was a child and there was a lot I learned here.

My recommendation is split. I recommend the audiobook with the warning to take breaks far more often than every chapter, which becomes a bit cumbersome. The physical or ebook, however, I recommend highly, the format keeps you from reading straight through and adds some whimsy.

Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley.

[Lisa Konet · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent history about the NFL and professional football. The best rivalries. The scandals. The evolution of some of the most beloved teams. The different dynasties, thank heavens the Patriots and Tom Brady ones are over (and told with humor. There ais some trash talk/jokes about Gronk). And everything else.

Dan Patrick was the perfect writer for an NFL history fandom book because of his love for the sport. Well written, detailed and insightful. My only critism/annoyance was having to read this on Netgalley shelf app. But I highly recommend this for anyone who loves the NFL and has a favorite team.

Thanks to Netgalley, Dan Patrick and RB Media for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Already available

[Matt Jamieson · Rating 3 out of 5]

A forgettable book.

Listen, I love Dan Patrick. Been listening to his radio show for 13 years, so hearing he had a book coming, I naturally flocked to it. Perhaps due to the satirical nature of the book, I couldn't get behind Dan as a narrator, as I really felt like the style didn't suit him. Joel's comedy was ok... and perhaps another narrator, without the gravity of Dan's persona, would have made it easier to listen to.

Overall a fun, yet highly satirical book... it's a forgettable listen, as there's nothing I'm taking away from this book long term.

[Adam Zuwerink · Rating 1 out of 5]

Three word book review: Tired, formulaic humor.

I like Dan Patrick. I love football. I really love satirical comedy. And yet, the 3 of them combined are worse than Matt Millen's draft classes. (If you enjoy paint-by-number comedy like that, this might be the book for you.)

But in all seriousness, this book truly is just the same joke formula told over and over again for 200+ pages. I was hoping the actual football content of this book would provide hidden gems and untold stories of the NFL, but there is nothing in here you can't already find on Wikipedia.

[Steve · Rating 1 out of 5]

There is a “review” from Will Ferrell on the cover of this book, and the forward is by Adam Sandler- that tells you all you need to know about the immature just plain stupid attempts at humor in this waste of over 200 pages.
Nothing in this book elicited even a snicker let alone any laughs, it is painfully not funny.
The sad part is the author’s attempt was to be funny.
I borrowed this garbage from the library, so I didn’t pay a dime for it and it was worth less than free- I’ll never get back the time I wasted reading this thing.

[Joe Carmany · Rating 1 out of 5]

Only moderately informative, this book is not for serious NFL fans. It's meant to be funny, and tries way too hard to that end. There is something sarcastic in every paragraph, leaving the impression that the authors don't really care about the subject. It is so satirical, it is hard to read, and also hard to believe anything that is written in this book. There are way better football books out there.

[Duke · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVED IT!

A fun, funny book. It has just the right amount of info, facts and history (I learned stuff!) but everything is fun and easy to read. I read other reviews and people want a boring retelling of stuff every other football book has covered, this is fun and funny and informational. Laughed out loud a lot. Great!

[Mike Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given this for Xmas and read it in 2 days! SO funny. I love football and this gave me a little bit of knowledge but more so, a LOT of laughter. I have already bought copies for my brothers and a few friends. If you like sports and not taking them too seriously, I recommend this book. IT'S GREAT!!!

[Nick Katenkamp · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is just as much comedy as it is football, which adds to it being a quick and fun read. There are some interesting facts about football I learned, though some of the anecdotes don't add much enjoyment to the read.

[Dave Pedlar · Rating 5 out of 5]

SO funny! I've read a lot of books about football and they are usually kind of dry - this is a fun, fast and FUNNY book unlike all of those. I actually learned a lot about the history of the league but it wa enjoyable in every part. Love the stuff about the rules and my Packers!

[Matthew · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dan and Joel layer on the sarcasm thick. The book is very funny and entertaining at points, but much of the humor wanders so far off trail that it derails the flow of the book. I made it through to the end but ultimately wouldn't recommend.

[Kerri Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book would make a great gift for any football-loving humans in your life, and/or anyone interested in sports-centric tomfoolery and related comedic writing.

My dad called me to tell me how much it made him laugh, which: high praise, indeed.

[Ilaria · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a nice, sometimes very funny and easy to read book. However sometimes the stuff made up by the author it's difficult to really understand unless you are very into football. I found myself googling to find the truth :) but, there are also interesting football teams and players stories.

[Matthew Edwards · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book was enjoyable. It was a little hard because everything was a joke so it was hard to tell what was fun intel to players, teams, and games or what was just a joke.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun, easy read. If you’re a fan of football, you’ll enjoy this.