Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When It's Time to Heal but You're Not Sure You Want to

by Kelly Cervantes

None of us make it through life without experiencing loss that leaves us feeling broken. That’s what makes grief so normal.

In Normal Broken, Kelly Cervantes isn’t trying to tell you what to do, how to feel, or the right way to heal. She’s also not flinging sunny thoughts, vibes, and prayers at you. After losing her daughter to epilepsy, she knows that grief is many things. It’s weird. It sucks. It’s all-encompassing. Something everyone will have to deal with. But never linear. Just as what we are grieving varies, so do our journeys to process it.

Normal Broken was born out of this desire to meet people where they are in their grief journeys, to lend a hand, or maybe to just sit in the dark with them. To acknowledge your brokenness and to feel broken together—never pressured to “move on” or “think positive.”

With chapters that can be read in any order, Normal Broken is divided into “moments” of grief that will allow you to choose what you need at any given time—such as:

• When you’re not sure if you want to heal
• When your greatest fear is socializing
• When you’re facing anniversaries and other meaningful dates
• When you’re ready to be okay

Kelly also shares stories from her ongoing journey, along with advice she wishes someone had given her, and simple exercises to help you reflect on where you are. Normal Broken is designed to serve as a companion through your own grief journey, whether you are mourning the loss of a child, a friend, a family member, or anyone special in your life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Grief, Memoir, Reference, Mental Health, Spirituality

192 pages, Paperback

Published November 7, 2023

About the author

Kelly Cervantes is a writer, speaker, and advocate best known for her blog “Inchstones” and her work with the non-profit CURE Epilepsy. She has been published in The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun-Times, and Cosmopolitan, as well as quoted in the New York Times, CNN, and People. Born and raised in the Midwest, Kelly currently resides in Maplewood, NJ, with her family and two dogs, Tabasco and Sriracha

Reviews

[Karen Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do not like nor read "self help" books. I don't think I have ever finished one and have certainly never recommended one. Never say never. Had my arm twisted to read this. Many of the chapters resonated so soundly I was shocked. Maybe somewhat disappointing because I like to think I'm a bit unique. I'm glad I read it.

[Dana DesJardins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grief is a form of madness, and many grievers will recognize themselves in Cervantes' account. Here is a particularly poignant and helpful insight: "Grief and gratitude have a deeply complicated relationship: our grief is more intense when we have the most gratitude for what we've lost."
A necessary book.

[Mimi Schweid · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think when I eventually reread this, I will feel differently. It was a very sweet book but not entirely what I'm looking for at this time.

[L]

It was poignant and not unhelpful, but I probably should have done the writing prompts. That’s an issue (and my excuse for not doing it) when you only listen to audiobooks in the car.

[Jennifer Harrell · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't want to diminish her grief, but unless you've lost a child, just read chapter 16 and be done if you're looking for something to concern dealing with your own grief.

[Mallory Plotz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was attending a Grief Retreat that advertised Kelly Cervantes as the keynote speaker. I am an avid book reader and specifically have gravitated towards grief books since my daughter died suddently in Fall 2023. I read her book quickly, there were a lot of chapters that were very relatable, and I appreciated how short and sweet they were, with my attention span being more limited these days. There were some chapters that I couldn't relate to quite as much, but I really appreciated the perspective since our losses are not the same, she of course would have unique and different views which I valued reading and learning more about. When I finished the book, I instantly put it in my top 5 for impactful grief books as a bereaved parent and although I hesitently would still say that, I do feel like I need to give an additional disclaimer since meeting her in person and hearing her speak at the retreat... While reading her words, she felt so real and authentic in her writing, and I was grateful for her small bits of comic releif which has been a welcome part of dealing with my own trauma. However, when she spoke at the retreat, it felt more rehearsed, and I quickly started to second guess my interpretations of her chapters... Kelly just basically shared a high level overview of her book with much less context. So the points she was trying to make when taken out of context were offensive at best to many of the bereaved parents that were attending. Specifically her statements of “Your not that special” and “grief is a selfish feeling” did not go over well. Without having the time to add the context, it was hurtful and in turn made me question if I misinterpreted her writing. Moral of my sharing this here: Read the book!! I shared that with those who attended our retreat and felt upset after, I let them know that it is worth the read - interpret it in the way that feels best for you, take what you like, and leave what you don't. She is a grieving mother too and we NEED to lift each other up. Many kudos to her for writing and sharing her story on paper and in person!

[AnnieM · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one of the best books I have read about grief -- why? Because she is speaking from personal experience after the death of her 4 year old daughter. She eloquently describes the range of emotions in grief and guilt after a loved one's death - it is nonlinear, not predictable and you have to find a way to protect yourself from both reworking/replaying the actions you took in the past (woulda, shoulda, coulda) as well as comments from others. She rightfully points out that often people's comments come from a place of relieving themselves from their own sadness and guilt as opposed to helping make you feel better. The chapters share her experiences and learnings as well as provide prompts and space for readers to jot down their own experiences, feelings and thoughts about grieving and loss. This is a book I will be referencing again and will also recommend to friends. I thank Kelly Cervantes for sharing her and her family's story.

Thank you to Netgalley and BenBella Books for an ARC and I voluntarily left this review.

[Jamie Mancini · Rating 5 out of 5]

No matter where you are in your grief journey this book is for you! I am just short of 2 years into my grief. I have read it twice. The validation and feeling of being understood is overwhelming. It is an easy read. I didn't want to put it down. It never felt heavy emotionally. I felt as though I was sitting across the table with someone I had known for years listening to their story. I found so much comfort in this book.

[Farah G · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting and useful guide on how to navigate profound loss in a person's life. In the book, Kelly Cervantes does not, thankfully, take a prescriptive approach. That would be both tone deaf and disingenuous.

What this book does have to offer is a whole range of tools with which to analyse and come to grips with the emotions that a person may be struggling with in the wake of a loss.

One of the book's strengths is that it acknowledges the differences that exist in the needs of people experiencing the various stages of grief. Because of this, you understand that the author is not judging anyone for what they feel, or how long they feel it.

And that is very important. Grief is a universal experience, but it is not experienced in the same way by different individuals. Each person must battle it in their own way, and find a path through the misery that they are enduring. This book has help to offer anyone undertaking that journey and is a good addition to the existing literature on this topic.

I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for a fair review

[Najwa Hirn · Rating 5 out of 5]

When a book succeeds in bringing tears to my eyes as I listened to it (I had the audio book), it is considered as an amazing book. As I listened to Kelly's narration, I couldn't help but feel the broken heart she has due to her daughter's illness and then passing. I also could tell the amount of love she had and still has for her little girl.
Grief is a crazy journey. It has so many ups and downs. Kelly, successfully, portrayed the various stages of this grief and how best she navigated her journey. She made it clear that Grief is not linear, which it isn't. It does not follow a particular pattern. We each grief differently and may jump and skip between the stages.
All I can say is that this book touch me in so many ways. As a bereaved mom, it described my journey with my special needs daughter to the "T". Could not help but be drawn to Adelaide and Kelly as they faced the unimaginable fate of losing a child. It is a loss like no other. A broken heart that never mends. A broken heart that has loved. Thank you for sharing your story Kelly.

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will be honest, I started following the author and her family because of her husband. I followed them on Instagram and watched as their daughter, Adelaide, slowly got worse until her passing.

This novel revolves around the loss of their daughter and the unimaginable grief that accompanies such a profound loss. If you are struggling through grief, this book is a very good breath of fresh air. I really liked how Kelly was able to be so real about her grief. They also have a son, Jackson, who she discusses. Her being so open and honest about her fears about motherhood were so beautifully written.

It is obvious that Kelly is a very talented writer. I hope that this is not the only book that she writes.

Thank you so much to BenBella Books and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Parisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This can be considered a well-written and thoughtfully organized set of reflections from a mother who went through the immense grief of losing her young child. I believe this book would be a heartwarming and soothing read for anyone who has lost a loved one.

However, this book is not solely about grief. Through her heartbreaking experience, Kelly Cervantes reflects on many aspects of life, sharing the lessons she learned along the way. She speaks about how life is short and should be savored, but reminds us that we don’t have to feel pressured to enjoy every single moment. She also touches on the reality that difficult times may come, but we shouldn’t spend our present moments worrying about challenges that haven’t yet arrived.

One of my favorite quotes from the book is: “One of life’s greatest and most difficult lessons is that we cannot control how people perceive us. Through age and experience, hopefully, we can learn to live our lives as true to ourselves as possible, allowing our words and actions to portray our honest selves.”

This is a touching book that provides valuable perspectives on life, grief, and personal growth.

[Suzy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have experienced different grief than Cervantes, but I think that's what makes this book so relatable. She talks about how grief affects you, but also affects everyone differently. I liked that she talks about going through the stages, but that you can also read these chapters out of order if you are at a different point.
Her grief over a child is something I hope to never experience, but I think she handles it with grace. And I liked that she has put it out there for others who can relate.
We can all be normal and broken, but that doesn't change our need to be understood.

Thanks NetGalley for this ARC.

[Katie Rickard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just adored this book. It is beautiful and heart-wrenching and hilarious and so sad and also not sad at all…it was all of it. Highly recommend for EVERYONE. You don’t need to have had suffered some huge loss to find Kelly’s words helpful, relatable, and poignant. 5 stars.

[Jennifer Riccolo debower · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for every single one of us. The journey from loss back to life is hard and our culture doesn’t make space for grief. One mother shares her journey honoring her daughter and reinventing herself.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an important read for those navigating profound loss. The writing in Kelly’s Inchstones blog always strikes a chord with me, and this beautiful book did so much more than that. I will read this book annually.

[Chris A · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding book for families who are grieving the loss of a medically comples child.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so helpful.

[Mary Duggan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a beautiful and raw walk through Kelly's grief. It was one of the best books I've read all year.

[amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

So incredibly written and helpful 🐞♥️

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recently lost my dad and this was a great read!! Grief sucks but no matter where you are on your journey, your feelings are valid and day by day you will get through it!

[Justine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read a number of books on grief over the past six months and found this book to be practical, insightful and inspiring.
I’m grateful to the author for sharing her difficult journey.

[Kimberly Bernardi · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a Bereavement Counselor, I will be recommending this book to many who have lost a child. Kelly is relatable, raw, and somehow incorporates humor into her incredibly devastating loss and grief story. Kelly tells her story of being a mother and advocate to a child with a chronic, neurological disorder and epilepsy and her journey of losing her child. I am honored that I was asked to mediate a virtual book discussion with Kelly and the Undiagnosed Disease Network next week.