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My Heart Underwater: A Contemporary YA Novel About a Queer Filipina Teen's Journey of Identity, Love, and Belonging
Fans of Adib Khorram and Randy Ribay will love this coming-of-age debut about a Filipina American teen drowning under pressure and learning to trust her heart. Corazon Tagubio is an outcast at the Catholic school she attends on scholarship. Her crush on her teacher, Ms. Holden, doesn’t help. At home, Cory worries that less-than-perfect grades aren’t good enough for her parents, who already work overtime to support her distant half-brother in the Philippines. After an accident leaves her dad comatose, Cory feels like Ms. Holden is the only person who really understands her. But when a crush turns into something more and the secret gets out, Cory is sent to her relatives in Manila. She’s not prepared to face strangers in an unfamiliar place, but she discovers how the country that shaped her past might also redefine her future. This novel takes readers on a journey across the world as Cory comes to understand her family, her relationships, and ultimately, herself. “ My Heart Underwater is a lovely, magnificent wonder of a novel that will leave you with the rarest of tender life-affirming, life-inspiring, life-loving; a heartache of joy and becoming. You won’t walk freely, or willingly, from these pages.” — New York Times bestselling author Marjorie Liu * A Kirkus Reviews Best Book of 2020 * A 2022 ALA Rainbow Booklist Selection *
320 pages, Paperback
First published October 20, 2020
21 people are currently reading
3141 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 83 reviews
March 16, 2024
I don't consider myself #ownvoices for this book because the main character is Filipino-American, but I want to recognize that majority of this story is set in the Philippines - specifically, Quezon City, where I stayed for nearly seven years. So I will be commenting on how the setting is portrayed.
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I remember that phrase - those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it, or something. But what if there's nothing about you in the history you study? What if what you've done is so off-the-charts bad, nothing you studied could have warned you or prepared you to avoid it?
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Initial thoughts:
📌 This really gives me the same vibes as Cynthia Salaysay's Private Lessons in the sense that they both focus on a Filipino-American teen girl coming to terms with her inappropriate relationship with her mentor/teacher.
📌 Thankfully, Corazon (from My Heart Underwater) did not annoy me as much as Claire (from Private Lessons). I'm also satisfied with Corazon's character growth.
📌 BUT Filipino-American authors need to stop making their Filipino-American characters yell death wishes at their parents (e.g. "It should have been you who died/got hurt/whatever"). Forgive my ignorance, but is this an Asian-American thing? Because I've encountered this exact scene/dialogue... more times than I'm comfortable with.
📌 I liked the quiet sapphic (age-appropriate!) romance in this story. It was very open-ended and cautiously optimistic, which I found to be realistic.
📌 I also enjoyed the casual introduction of queer characters.
📌 A majority of the story is set in the Philippines, and if I'm being honest, I'm not 100% comfortable with how the Philippines is portrayed. (As a UP graduate, I was personally offended when the UP academic oval was called "circular road.")
📌 We all know that the Philippines is a third-world country and a lot of people are poor, but sometimes, it felt like the story was edging towards poverty porn. And you can really tell by the author's word choice and framing.
As an example, there's a part that goes: We don't speak. We don't have to translate the joy moving between us. She's in board shorts, probably from the fifty-peso ukay-ukay store near the house, and a bikini top. -- Without spoiling the story, this is an excerpt taken from an emotionally intense, arguably pivotal scene in the book. Why is there a need to point out that the character is wearing cheap shorts from a thrift shop? Why must the reader be reminded that, oh yeah, the main character is interacting with a poor person?
Unfortunately, this is recurrent throughout My Heart Underwater: the constant (and unnecessary!) emphasis on how poor, miserable, and unfortunate it is to live in the Philippines. Again, I acknowledge that poverty is rampant, but for the author to needlessly reiterate it over and over? Not cute. And sort of dehumanizing, to be honest.
📌 The framing that the Philippines is this supposedly bad, dangerous place for Filipino-Americans? I'm not a fan. Especially because it's untrue. Sure, there are some (oftentimes low-income) people seeking opportunities to take advantage of naive tourists and visitors. However, it does not negate the reality that Filipino-Americans (and other members of the Filipino diaspora) enjoy privileges whenever they visit the Philippines, such as purchasing power, special treatment, and over-hospitality.
📌 BASICALLY, I just wish that the portrayal of the Philippines was more balanced. I personally didn't see any positives about my country until the last quarter of the book.
📌 I don't think that the inappropriate student-teacher relationship was romanticized in this book - which was one of my initial worries when I first dived in. Corazon's rose-tinted perception of her "love" for her teacher was definitely challenged and corrected, and ultimately, she faced her victimhood and learned from it.
📌 I think that My Heart Underwater has its merits, and I don't intend to actively denounce this book or its author. However, I believe that it's important to acknowledge and discuss its flaws, especially because poverty porn is severely hurtful to the community it's seeking to portray. I'm not advocating for people to cancel, but to be critical.
Recommended with caution.
* I received a digital ARC of My Heart Underwater from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Quoted excerpts are subject to change in the published copy.
October 25, 2020
3.5 stars
This was a gritty LGBTQIA coming-of-age story that moved from the US to the Phillipines. If you like messy family drama, this one will fulfill that remit. It had an inappropriate teacher-student relationship which I struggled with somewhat but there was a satisfying developing in the main character’s understanding over that element which helped how I felt.
It was a story of two halves for me, a more gripping first half, full of drama but a slower-paced second half that was wonderfully rich with Filipino culture. The main character Cory was bounced around out of her control, forced to travel back to the Phillipines but it proved an positive experience in the end. I have no personal experience of the Phillipines however, but it was brought to life with description for me.
Family drama was the core context to this story and I can’t say I liked any of her family but Bea slowly did grow on me. I felt like almost no-one was fighting Cory’s corner or trying to understand her evolving sexuality or personality. The catholicism was strong in this story and not often viewed in a favourable light.
My Heart Underwater was an interesting read and a solid debut. I welcomed this story’s Manila context and enjoyed a fresh voice from this author.
Please also check out own voices reviewers on this title.
Thank you to Harper 360 YA for the early review copy. This review can be found on A Take From Two Cities Blog.
This was a gritty LGBTQIA coming-of-age story that moved from the US to the Phillipines. If you like messy family drama, this one will fulfill that remit. It had an inappropriate teacher-student relationship which I struggled with somewhat but there was a satisfying developing in the main character’s understanding over that element which helped how I felt.
It was a story of two halves for me, a more gripping first half, full of drama but a slower-paced second half that was wonderfully rich with Filipino culture. The main character Cory was bounced around out of her control, forced to travel back to the Phillipines but it proved an positive experience in the end. I have no personal experience of the Phillipines however, but it was brought to life with description for me.
Family drama was the core context to this story and I can’t say I liked any of her family but Bea slowly did grow on me. I felt like almost no-one was fighting Cory’s corner or trying to understand her evolving sexuality or personality. The catholicism was strong in this story and not often viewed in a favourable light.
My Heart Underwater was an interesting read and a solid debut. I welcomed this story’s Manila context and enjoyed a fresh voice from this author.
Please also check out own voices reviewers on this title.
Thank you to Harper 360 YA for the early review copy. This review can be found on A Take From Two Cities Blog.
Want to read
October 23, 2020I'm curious to see how Philippine culture will be represented in this book.
September 5, 2020
In the debut novel by Laurel Flores Fantauzzo, My Heart Underwater, we follow Cory after a crisis sends her from her home outside of Los Angeles to Manila, where she creates a new home with the half-brother she didn’t grow up with. According to those around her, 17-year old Cory is a SoCal FilAm Catholic school tomboy, but the description that hurts the most, “the worst mistake of her life,” comes from her impossible crush, a new teacher. Fantauzzo’s coming of age novel is a wise, complex exploration of a young person on the cusp of adulthood as she navigates the in-between: childhood vs adulthood; rage vs love; the life her parents’ chose for her vs the one she will create for herself; being a Filipinx in America and being an American in the Philippines. Readers who yearn for stories closer to the nuances, contradictions, and messiness of real life will love Cory and root for her as she steps into her own life.
October 2, 2020
4.5/5 stars
Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for providing this e-arc!
I adored this book so much! It felt refreshing and rewarding to know that i could understand the tagalog dialogue as i've definitely struggled in the past with other languages. Idk if this is even a correct comparison but this seems like a lighter version of My Dark Vanessa. (I'll delete if it turns out to not be). I also lowkey felt nostalgic for a bit, having lived nearby QC myself.
My "problem" with this book not personally feeling like a 5 star is how the romance felt a bit rushed. IMO even in both situations
Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for providing this e-arc!
I adored this book so much! It felt refreshing and rewarding to know that i could understand the tagalog dialogue as i've definitely struggled in the past with other languages. Idk if this is even a correct comparison but this seems like a lighter version of My Dark Vanessa. (I'll delete if it turns out to not be). I also lowkey felt nostalgic for a bit, having lived nearby QC myself.
My "problem" with this book not personally feeling like a 5 star is how the romance felt a bit rushed. IMO even in both situations
May 28, 2021
Pro take:
Cory has always felt like an outsider, especially at the Catholic high school she attends on a scholarship. This year, she’s started to develop romantic feelings for Ms. Holden, her history teacher. Then, tragedy strikes her family. One thing leads to another, and Cory is sent to the Philippines to stay with the half-brother she’s never met in person. Fantauzzo’s ownvoices story describes the experience of feeling in between cultures. Her Filapina roots lead to exclusion at her school, and when she gets to the Philippines, people refer to her as a FilAm. Her emerging sexual identity is not embraced in either culture. Coping with the unfolding events back home while also dealing with culture shock is overwhelming. It’s also authentic and real. Fantauzzo describes real places in the Philippines in beautiful prose. Highly recommended for high school and public libraries.
More:
- It took me way too long to put together that Cory was short for Corazon, hence the title.
- It's very much from Cory's perspective, such that I never felt like I fully understood where Ms. Holden, in particular, was coming from or thinking.
- I really appreciated the relationship with the cousin, and the contrast of experiences that gave the story.
- I had so much fun searching up pictures of the various locations mentioned in this book!
- I found it interesting how major a role music played in the lives of many of the side characters, in contrast to Cory's attachment to it.
- I appreciated the representation of FB stalking.
- I appreciated the depiction of watching a major medical issue unfold without knowing how it's going to "end." How stressful that is, how long-term scary it is.
- As someone who is currently (in 2021!) semi-estranged from my parents because my partner is a woman, I FELT parts of this book. And I wished that situation had been clarified a bit more before the book ended. Although leaving it not totally resolved does feel authentic to my experience. In any case, ouch.
- Extra star for the Filipina intersectional representation.
- Just realized I never mention where Cory lives prior to being sent to the Philippines. It's California. Sheesh, my biases are showing.
Cory has always felt like an outsider, especially at the Catholic high school she attends on a scholarship. This year, she’s started to develop romantic feelings for Ms. Holden, her history teacher. Then, tragedy strikes her family. One thing leads to another, and Cory is sent to the Philippines to stay with the half-brother she’s never met in person. Fantauzzo’s ownvoices story describes the experience of feeling in between cultures. Her Filapina roots lead to exclusion at her school, and when she gets to the Philippines, people refer to her as a FilAm. Her emerging sexual identity is not embraced in either culture. Coping with the unfolding events back home while also dealing with culture shock is overwhelming. It’s also authentic and real. Fantauzzo describes real places in the Philippines in beautiful prose. Highly recommended for high school and public libraries.
More:
- It took me way too long to put together that Cory was short for Corazon, hence the title.
- It's very much from Cory's perspective, such that I never felt like I fully understood where Ms. Holden, in particular, was coming from or thinking.
- I really appreciated the relationship with the cousin, and the contrast of experiences that gave the story.
- I had so much fun searching up pictures of the various locations mentioned in this book!
- I found it interesting how major a role music played in the lives of many of the side characters, in contrast to Cory's attachment to it.
- I appreciated the representation of FB stalking.
- I appreciated the depiction of watching a major medical issue unfold without knowing how it's going to "end." How stressful that is, how long-term scary it is.
- As someone who is currently (in 2021!) semi-estranged from my parents because my partner is a woman, I FELT parts of this book. And I wished that situation had been clarified a bit more before the book ended. Although leaving it not totally resolved does feel authentic to my experience. In any case, ouch.
- Extra star for the Filipina intersectional representation.
- Just realized I never mention where Cory lives prior to being sent to the Philippines. It's California. Sheesh, my biases are showing.
June 25, 2022
Was recommended to me by a friend and really glad I read it when I did. Didn’t know I needed some of the healing I got while reading and definitely cried on multiple occasions.
June 1, 2022
1.5 out of 5 stars
‘My Heart Underwater’ was not bad or poorly written by any means, but I surely found it boring as all hell.
The story follows Corazon 'Cory' Tagubio who is an outcast at her Catholic, all-girls school. Attending on scholarship, she keeps mostly to herself. Yet she cannot help but find herself drawn to the young, athletic, and mysterious Ms. Holden. But a crush on her favourite teacher can't harm anyone, so long as she keeps it to herself... Right?
Wrong.
When an accident leaves her dad comatose, Cory feels like Ms. Holden is the only person who really sees her. And things soon begin to spiral from there—though I won't spoil why.
When I initially picked up this book, I'd been under the assumption that 'My Heart Underwater' was going to thematically follow similar beats to stories like 'My Dark Vanessa'. While disturbed and appalled by the student-teacher relationship, I believed wholeheartedly the story of abuse perpetrated by a queer woman against another queer woman deserved to be given its moment of recognition. Yet despite the 'relationship' between Cory and Ms. Holden taking up the first half of the novel, the grooming and trauma Cory underwent at Ms. Holden's hands are never properly discussed.
While I don't think the inappropriate teacher-student relationship was romanticised by any means, further exploration of the aftermath of that relationship was something I would've liked to have seen. Corazon's rose-tinted perception of her "love" for her teacher was definitely challenged and corrected, but it just needed a little more nuance.
I think that My Heart Underwater has its merits, and I don't intend to actively denounce this book or its author. However, it definitely was one of the weaker YA queer coming-of-age novels I've read in a long, long time.
The latter third of the book was unfortunately not very interesting for me—being separated from Cory's mother and father, two of the major characters we as the audience had been introduced and become attached to, really nerfed my enjoyment. Personally, I felt as though we met Jun too late in the novel to develop a solid interest in his character. Subsequently, his arc of self-discovery and forgiveness felt rushed as a result.
Normally I enjoy slower, more character-driven books but Cory's relationships in the latter half of the novel aren't given the word count to really flourish and become engaging. There were whole chapters that I spent wishing I could see her interact with her parents again, rather than dedicating pages and pages to Cory's grandfather whom we only meet once. Moreover, I actually would've liked to have seen Cory interact with her grandfather more! Fleshing out their complex dynamic really could have lifted the second half of the narrative.
With regard to the writing; it was fine. There were a few lines that I enjoyed and thought were quite impactful but I was never blown out of the water by the prose. It was just good, which was nice.
The representation of Cory as a Filipino-American queer woman was wonderful to see. There are definitely people out there that will see themselves in Cory and her experiences. Unfortunately, though wonderful, this was not enough to carry the book for me.
Conversely, I'd like to flag that while I'm not Filipino and I can't speak to the own-voices representation I have seen some own-voice reviews raise the issue that 'My Heart Underwater' at times frames the Philippines as dangerous, bad and portrays the country through a "poverty porn" lens. I encourage you to seek out those reviews for in-depth conversations on that aspect of the novel—they're some of the top reviews for the book and don't take a lot of effort to find.
Nevertheless, despite my issues with the book overall I definitely think this is much more of a "it's not you, it's me" issue. I wouldn't dissuade people from picking this book up if they think it's something they may like, as I said, I believe this book could mean a lot to the right person. Unfortunately for me, I spent too much of this book wanting it to be over.
‘My Heart Underwater’ was not bad or poorly written by any means, but I surely found it boring as all hell.
The story follows Corazon 'Cory' Tagubio who is an outcast at her Catholic, all-girls school. Attending on scholarship, she keeps mostly to herself. Yet she cannot help but find herself drawn to the young, athletic, and mysterious Ms. Holden. But a crush on her favourite teacher can't harm anyone, so long as she keeps it to herself... Right?
Wrong.
When an accident leaves her dad comatose, Cory feels like Ms. Holden is the only person who really sees her. And things soon begin to spiral from there—though I won't spoil why.
When I initially picked up this book, I'd been under the assumption that 'My Heart Underwater' was going to thematically follow similar beats to stories like 'My Dark Vanessa'. While disturbed and appalled by the student-teacher relationship, I believed wholeheartedly the story of abuse perpetrated by a queer woman against another queer woman deserved to be given its moment of recognition. Yet despite the 'relationship' between Cory and Ms. Holden taking up the first half of the novel, the grooming and trauma Cory underwent at Ms. Holden's hands are never properly discussed.
While I don't think the inappropriate teacher-student relationship was romanticised by any means, further exploration of the aftermath of that relationship was something I would've liked to have seen. Corazon's rose-tinted perception of her "love" for her teacher was definitely challenged and corrected, but it just needed a little more nuance.
I think that My Heart Underwater has its merits, and I don't intend to actively denounce this book or its author. However, it definitely was one of the weaker YA queer coming-of-age novels I've read in a long, long time.
The latter third of the book was unfortunately not very interesting for me—being separated from Cory's mother and father, two of the major characters we as the audience had been introduced and become attached to, really nerfed my enjoyment. Personally, I felt as though we met Jun too late in the novel to develop a solid interest in his character. Subsequently, his arc of self-discovery and forgiveness felt rushed as a result.
Normally I enjoy slower, more character-driven books but Cory's relationships in the latter half of the novel aren't given the word count to really flourish and become engaging. There were whole chapters that I spent wishing I could see her interact with her parents again, rather than dedicating pages and pages to Cory's grandfather whom we only meet once. Moreover, I actually would've liked to have seen Cory interact with her grandfather more! Fleshing out their complex dynamic really could have lifted the second half of the narrative.
With regard to the writing; it was fine. There were a few lines that I enjoyed and thought were quite impactful but I was never blown out of the water by the prose. It was just good, which was nice.
The representation of Cory as a Filipino-American queer woman was wonderful to see. There are definitely people out there that will see themselves in Cory and her experiences. Unfortunately, though wonderful, this was not enough to carry the book for me.
Conversely, I'd like to flag that while I'm not Filipino and I can't speak to the own-voices representation I have seen some own-voice reviews raise the issue that 'My Heart Underwater' at times frames the Philippines as dangerous, bad and portrays the country through a "poverty porn" lens. I encourage you to seek out those reviews for in-depth conversations on that aspect of the novel—they're some of the top reviews for the book and don't take a lot of effort to find.
Nevertheless, despite my issues with the book overall I definitely think this is much more of a "it's not you, it's me" issue. I wouldn't dissuade people from picking this book up if they think it's something they may like, as I said, I believe this book could mean a lot to the right person. Unfortunately for me, I spent too much of this book wanting it to be over.
March 1, 2021
Corazon is going through some though times. Her father is in a coma after an accident and the only person she thinks she can understand her is her history teacher, Ms. Holden. The truth is Corazon has feelings for Ms. Holden and when her mother caught the two of them kissing, Corazon is sent to the Philippines. She then discovers a lot of things about her own family and her distant half-brother.
The book is divided into two parts. The first part is set in the U.S and the second is in the Philippines. The second part is definitely my favorite and I liked that the setting somehow felt like a character too. I thought the author did a great job describing the different places and even give specific details on everyday lives in the Philippines. Reading this book made me miss living in the Philippines. Watching my favorite bands perfom (I love the UP Fair), eating fishballs, going to the beach and a lot more. There’s just one thing that I noticed. The author consistently mention the poverty in the country which I appreciate because it’s accurate and true but there’s no need to bring it up like every chapter. It became quite repetitive.
I loved the character development and the family dynamic in this book. I wasn’t entirely sure about Corey’s character at first because she seemed ungrateful and unrespectful. But I got to know her more throughout the story and I was able to sympathize with her. She comes from a Catholic family, goes to a Catholic school and she’s queer. This made her feel like an outsider and a disappointment to her parents. She is also scared and worried for her father.
I was very satisfied with how the teacher-student relationship turned out in the story. I thought that the romance (not the teacher-student) towards the end seems unnecessary. I don’t have problems with insta-love especially if I feel like I know both of the characters involved but in this book the romance felt like an afterthought. Overall, this was a great debut novel and I can’t wait to read more from this author.
The book is divided into two parts. The first part is set in the U.S and the second is in the Philippines. The second part is definitely my favorite and I liked that the setting somehow felt like a character too. I thought the author did a great job describing the different places and even give specific details on everyday lives in the Philippines. Reading this book made me miss living in the Philippines. Watching my favorite bands perfom (I love the UP Fair), eating fishballs, going to the beach and a lot more. There’s just one thing that I noticed. The author consistently mention the poverty in the country which I appreciate because it’s accurate and true but there’s no need to bring it up like every chapter. It became quite repetitive.
I loved the character development and the family dynamic in this book. I wasn’t entirely sure about Corey’s character at first because she seemed ungrateful and unrespectful. But I got to know her more throughout the story and I was able to sympathize with her. She comes from a Catholic family, goes to a Catholic school and she’s queer. This made her feel like an outsider and a disappointment to her parents. She is also scared and worried for her father.
I was very satisfied with how the teacher-student relationship turned out in the story. I thought that the romance (not the teacher-student) towards the end seems unnecessary. I don’t have problems with insta-love especially if I feel like I know both of the characters involved but in this book the romance felt like an afterthought. Overall, this was a great debut novel and I can’t wait to read more from this author.
August 10, 2020
Thank you to NetGalley and HarperCollins Publishers for the ARC of this book.
This is a great novel about finding yourself. In the beginning, I could really relate to Corazon on so many levels: her trouble fitting in, her not knowing what she wants to do in life, and that all-encompassing teenage sapphic crush made worse by Catholic guilt. Flores Fantauzzo does an incredible job portraying the vivid details of an adolescent crush, and i felt like I had been transported back to high school. When the accident happened and Corazon’s world was altered, I got a lump in my throat and nearly cried along with her. And of course it’s wonderful that this is an #ownvoices novel and we get to read about Filipinx culture from a firsthand perspective. Like, the first half of the book is SO emotionally vivid, and at one point I was certain I’d give this book five stars.
But...while the Part Two of the book was still good and included great themes, I felt it was lackluster compared to the first half. The characters we meet in Part Two just...aren’t as vivid as the ones from Part One, and I was disappointed because I wanted them to be. I wanted more content dedicated to Corazon’s family/family friends/new friends in the Philippines. I felt like there were so many characters suddenly introduced, and Part One made me think we’d get to know each one intimately. But we didn’t, and I was a bit let down.
Overall, this is a moving story and one I’d definitely recommend.
This is a great novel about finding yourself. In the beginning, I could really relate to Corazon on so many levels: her trouble fitting in, her not knowing what she wants to do in life, and that all-encompassing teenage sapphic crush made worse by Catholic guilt. Flores Fantauzzo does an incredible job portraying the vivid details of an adolescent crush, and i felt like I had been transported back to high school. When the accident happened and Corazon’s world was altered, I got a lump in my throat and nearly cried along with her. And of course it’s wonderful that this is an #ownvoices novel and we get to read about Filipinx culture from a firsthand perspective. Like, the first half of the book is SO emotionally vivid, and at one point I was certain I’d give this book five stars.
But...while the Part Two of the book was still good and included great themes, I felt it was lackluster compared to the first half. The characters we meet in Part Two just...aren’t as vivid as the ones from Part One, and I was disappointed because I wanted them to be. I wanted more content dedicated to Corazon’s family/family friends/new friends in the Philippines. I felt like there were so many characters suddenly introduced, and Part One made me think we’d get to know each one intimately. But we didn’t, and I was a bit let down.
Overall, this is a moving story and one I’d definitely recommend.
abandoned
April 2, 2021Abandoning after listening to 1/3 of the audiobook. I'm not in the mood for a book that is heavy on teenage angst, light on humor — and a Goodreads reviewer thought the 2nd half indulged in poverty porn. No, thank you.
December 17, 2020
TOTAL READING TIME: 3 hours, 47 minutes.
This is the second YA book I've read published in the West that stars a Filipino character where part of the story is set in the Philippines, the first one being, of course, Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribay. And as with books set in the Philippines, where the main character is Filipino, the native language is sprinkled here and there, and little cultural things are depicted, I couldn't help but nitpick.
The use of Tagalog was mostly good, except near the beginning where the author misspells a word. On page 41:
My mom reaches for his left hand, the one with no needles plugged into it. He's shirtless. I wonder if he's cold. We need heat, he said, just a few hours ago. Sana umitin. Hopefully it warms up.
I'm sorry, but what the hell is umitin? At first I thought, okay, maybe it was just a typo. But then it was written a second time on a different page--what are the odds that a typo would be made a second time the exact same way? The correct word is uminit which means to heat up. I found it a really weird word to get wrong, but on the bright side, I think that was the only instance Tagalog was used incorrectly throughout the book.
Another thing I found weird was the lack of use of italics for the Tagalog words and phrases. Was this a whole issue in publishing and editing? Did I miss the memo? When did they stop using italics for foreign languages? It was a bit jarring to see Tagalog written in normal text as the rest of the book written in English--I'm a native Tagalog speaker so it's not like I'd be confused as to whether a word was Tagalog or just an English word I was coming across for the first time. But if I specifically wanted to look for a Tagalog phrase or word in the book, it would be harder for me to find it. Italicizing non-English words was just a matter of convenience for me.
I also didn't understand that thing where Cory's parents or elders would make a sign of the cross on her forehead with their thumb as a blessing? What was that about? Was it... a regional thing? I grew up Catholic, I went to Catholic school for 12 years, and I have never heard or seen that custom other than on Ash Wednesday done by a priest with ash. Not saying that custom doesn't exist and it was just something the author made up, but I lived and grew up in the Philippines until I was 15 years old and I had never seen someone do that to their child and it was just the first I was hearing of it. But anyway.
I also thought it was interesting that the author chose to set it in 2009 when Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was still president, a year before Noynoy Aquino was elected. I was neutral about this choice, but I really do wonder why the author didn't set it during present day. Was there a specific reason why she chose to set it in 2009? Or maybe she just didn't want to set it during Duterte's presidency, which is understandable as that would be a whole other can of worms she would've needed to tackle in the book.
Parts of the story truly did make me emotional. Whenever Cory would describe how her parents, especially her dad, made sacrifices to make a better life for her, I teared up because holy shit, that's the story of my family. While I wasn't born in Australia like Cory was born in the US, it was just relatable to read for children of immigrants and immigrants who migrated as children.
I did understand why the second half of the book, which was set in Metro Manila, would turn off some readers especially Filipino readers who live in the Philippines for its borderline depiction of poverty porn (see Shealea's review.) While I didn't have a personal reaction while I was reading it, I did notice that Cory would needlessly describe everything as 'poor' or poverty-stricken and I can see how that could be problematic. On the plus side, it emphasizes just how bad a lot of things are for a lot of people in that country because of MANY factors--colonization, greed, corruption, capitalism, classism--which could make some readers at least be aware of the results of these factors in developing countries such as the Philippines and be more class-conscious. On the other hand, I could see how it seemed very one-dimensional and reductive depicting the Philippines as, oh, everyone there is poor.
I also wished it dived more into just what the hell Cory's grandpa's deal was. Bea explains that he didn't approve of Cory's mom marrying her dad because her dad grew up poor, but I wished there was more of a conversation between Cory and her grandpa about that instead of her just storming off and then having Bea explain the story to her and her mom giving some teary vague explanation about love at the end. I thought the lack of relationship between her mom and her grandpa was one of the most interesting things in the story but it was, sadly, not explored as thoroughly as I would've liked.
I'm really glad that Cory's... encounters with Ms Holden were not romanticized or justified in the book, which is what I was scared the author was going to do, so I was relieved that Cory eventually absorbed the reality of it.
Overall, this was a very jarring book that depicted just how uncomfortable someone who's lived a life of relative privilege could be when she's thrown into a world where almost everyone she encountered had it worse than her. Hell, it made me uncomfortable just reading about Cory having to live with her older half-brother who never got to really live with either of his parents.
I'm really glad there are more contemporary YA books written by Filipino authors with Filipino MC's. Private Lessons and 500 Words or Less are next on my list!
This is the second YA book I've read published in the West that stars a Filipino character where part of the story is set in the Philippines, the first one being, of course, Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribay. And as with books set in the Philippines, where the main character is Filipino, the native language is sprinkled here and there, and little cultural things are depicted, I couldn't help but nitpick.
The use of Tagalog was mostly good, except near the beginning where the author misspells a word. On page 41:
My mom reaches for his left hand, the one with no needles plugged into it. He's shirtless. I wonder if he's cold. We need heat, he said, just a few hours ago. Sana umitin. Hopefully it warms up.
I'm sorry, but what the hell is umitin? At first I thought, okay, maybe it was just a typo. But then it was written a second time on a different page--what are the odds that a typo would be made a second time the exact same way? The correct word is uminit which means to heat up. I found it a really weird word to get wrong, but on the bright side, I think that was the only instance Tagalog was used incorrectly throughout the book.
Another thing I found weird was the lack of use of italics for the Tagalog words and phrases. Was this a whole issue in publishing and editing? Did I miss the memo? When did they stop using italics for foreign languages? It was a bit jarring to see Tagalog written in normal text as the rest of the book written in English--I'm a native Tagalog speaker so it's not like I'd be confused as to whether a word was Tagalog or just an English word I was coming across for the first time. But if I specifically wanted to look for a Tagalog phrase or word in the book, it would be harder for me to find it. Italicizing non-English words was just a matter of convenience for me.
I also didn't understand that thing where Cory's parents or elders would make a sign of the cross on her forehead with their thumb as a blessing? What was that about? Was it... a regional thing? I grew up Catholic, I went to Catholic school for 12 years, and I have never heard or seen that custom other than on Ash Wednesday done by a priest with ash. Not saying that custom doesn't exist and it was just something the author made up, but I lived and grew up in the Philippines until I was 15 years old and I had never seen someone do that to their child and it was just the first I was hearing of it. But anyway.
I also thought it was interesting that the author chose to set it in 2009 when Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was still president, a year before Noynoy Aquino was elected. I was neutral about this choice, but I really do wonder why the author didn't set it during present day. Was there a specific reason why she chose to set it in 2009? Or maybe she just didn't want to set it during Duterte's presidency, which is understandable as that would be a whole other can of worms she would've needed to tackle in the book.
Parts of the story truly did make me emotional. Whenever Cory would describe how her parents, especially her dad, made sacrifices to make a better life for her, I teared up because holy shit, that's the story of my family. While I wasn't born in Australia like Cory was born in the US, it was just relatable to read for children of immigrants and immigrants who migrated as children.
I did understand why the second half of the book, which was set in Metro Manila, would turn off some readers especially Filipino readers who live in the Philippines for its borderline depiction of poverty porn (see Shealea's review.) While I didn't have a personal reaction while I was reading it, I did notice that Cory would needlessly describe everything as 'poor' or poverty-stricken and I can see how that could be problematic. On the plus side, it emphasizes just how bad a lot of things are for a lot of people in that country because of MANY factors--colonization, greed, corruption, capitalism, classism--which could make some readers at least be aware of the results of these factors in developing countries such as the Philippines and be more class-conscious. On the other hand, I could see how it seemed very one-dimensional and reductive depicting the Philippines as, oh, everyone there is poor.
I also wished it dived more into just what the hell Cory's grandpa's deal was. Bea explains that he didn't approve of Cory's mom marrying her dad because her dad grew up poor, but I wished there was more of a conversation between Cory and her grandpa about that instead of her just storming off and then having Bea explain the story to her and her mom giving some teary vague explanation about love at the end. I thought the lack of relationship between her mom and her grandpa was one of the most interesting things in the story but it was, sadly, not explored as thoroughly as I would've liked.
I'm really glad that Cory's... encounters with Ms Holden were not romanticized or justified in the book, which is what I was scared the author was going to do, so I was relieved that Cory eventually absorbed the reality of it.
Overall, this was a very jarring book that depicted just how uncomfortable someone who's lived a life of relative privilege could be when she's thrown into a world where almost everyone she encountered had it worse than her. Hell, it made me uncomfortable just reading about Cory having to live with her older half-brother who never got to really live with either of his parents.
I'm really glad there are more contemporary YA books written by Filipino authors with Filipino MC's. Private Lessons and 500 Words or Less are next on my list!
September 24, 2025
read for: ENG 482 - Decolonial Love/Literature & Gender & Sexuality
i dont typically rate books i read for school, but this book is at an intersection of so many important identities to me. it meant a lot to have and is something i wish i could give to younger me. i was at the edge of tears for almost the entirety of my time spent reading it. it is so special to me. i am incredibly grateful for my dr franklin for giving me the opportunity to read and discuss it at length, and for laurel flores fantauzzo for writing the book and being so kind and open when id met her. books like these really matter and i appreciate the people who brought them to me and are helping me understand it and myself.
i dont typically rate books i read for school, but this book is at an intersection of so many important identities to me. it meant a lot to have and is something i wish i could give to younger me. i was at the edge of tears for almost the entirety of my time spent reading it. it is so special to me. i am incredibly grateful for my dr franklin for giving me the opportunity to read and discuss it at length, and for laurel flores fantauzzo for writing the book and being so kind and open when id met her. books like these really matter and i appreciate the people who brought them to me and are helping me understand it and myself.
August 3, 2021
3.8 ⭐️
•
AAAHHH!!! Who knew I’d cherish Jun and Cory’s relationship this much? Love the character development(s), and that being said, I love that Cory found contentment now. The ending is not so satisfactory for me, and I feel like I need to know more about their dad and how Jun and Cory will keep in touch. I know I should be in the present and not worrying much, but starting to love their relationship and then left hanging are not something I enjoy HAHA. Anyway, great book!
•
AAAHHH!!! Who knew I’d cherish Jun and Cory’s relationship this much? Love the character development(s), and that being said, I love that Cory found contentment now. The ending is not so satisfactory for me, and I feel like I need to know more about their dad and how Jun and Cory will keep in touch. I know I should be in the present and not worrying much, but starting to love their relationship and then left hanging are not something I enjoy HAHA. Anyway, great book!
September 4, 2021
*3.5/5*
cried reading this bc i've been yearning for a book about a queer filipino-american girl for years. as much as i didn't like the relationship at the beginning, i loved the one at the end. hearing the filipino accents from the audiobook made me feel like i was around my extended family it made me feel so at home.
cried reading this bc i've been yearning for a book about a queer filipino-american girl for years. as much as i didn't like the relationship at the beginning, i loved the one at the end. hearing the filipino accents from the audiobook made me feel like i was around my extended family it made me feel so at home.
September 23, 2021
This book warmed my heart.
I have NEVER read a book with filipino representation, let alone a queer filipina main character who’s first generation. Initially that’s what grabbed me pickup the book. I listened to it on audio, and the author was phenomenal. Truly captured the essence, her performances were spot on! Anytime I heard a corny joke, or some exaggerated gossip from a tita in this book I couldn’t help but laugh. I saw similarities between my dad and Cory’s dad, and related so well to Cory’s feeling of being out of touch with your roots and culture, growing up in North America. The Jeepneys, tricycles, descriptions of how one place is so developed and the next street over is slumped with poverty all reminded me so much of my own experiences visiting the Philippines. There was even a mention of Cavité in this book, where my mom’s family is from. I just found so many connections with this book that I haven’t had with any other coming of age contemporaries I’ve read in recent years. This book I’ll always keep close to the heart!
I have NEVER read a book with filipino representation, let alone a queer filipina main character who’s first generation. Initially that’s what grabbed me pickup the book. I listened to it on audio, and the author was phenomenal. Truly captured the essence, her performances were spot on! Anytime I heard a corny joke, or some exaggerated gossip from a tita in this book I couldn’t help but laugh. I saw similarities between my dad and Cory’s dad, and related so well to Cory’s feeling of being out of touch with your roots and culture, growing up in North America. The Jeepneys, tricycles, descriptions of how one place is so developed and the next street over is slumped with poverty all reminded me so much of my own experiences visiting the Philippines. There was even a mention of Cavité in this book, where my mom’s family is from. I just found so many connections with this book that I haven’t had with any other coming of age contemporaries I’ve read in recent years. This book I’ll always keep close to the heart!
December 13, 2021
I had mixed feelings when I started this book, still do— because it involves a highly inappropriate relationship dynamic that I don’t think the LGBTQ+ community needs, given that it’s hard enough to be an LGBTQ+ educator in Catholic schools. That being said, I’m glad they made it clear how wrong it was in the storyline and that they vilified the teacher appropriately. What I really root for in this book is the representation of Filipinx family dynamics between the US and the Philippines— it helped me visualize it, and resonated with me, much like Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribay did. I don’t think I’d recommend it personally to young adults though, for my reluctance that it would add to a untrue stereotype that LGBTQ+ people are predators.
November 10, 2020
full review soon but this was so emotional, beautiful and unique, i really loved it. it was a story of healing, friendship and family that broke my heart and put it back together :)
Read
November 2, 2022actually i love kuya jun and his friends
November 28, 2020
ARC Review (11/28/2020, received through the author and Dini Parayitam)
Reading My Heart Underwater was quite a journey. Over the course of forty-three days, I read a final pass ARC received through a mentor from a summer writing program I'm a part of, a good friend of the author's who was credited in the acknowledgements. Then I found the e-book and e-audiobook on Libby, so I checked those out for a bit. Then on my birthday, the hardcover was a gift from my parents, so I finished the novel by flipping physical pages instead of digital ones.
Over three different formats, Fantauzzo's debut novel unfolded in a way I'll never forget. Emotional, cathartic, direct, and unflinching, My Heart Underwater is an astonishing YA debut, analyzing the culpability of teacher-student relationships, the complications of all kinds of love, and how one girl discovers that she isn't disgusting for who she is. I'm scared this novel will get overlooked in a sea of (some may argue) more accessible queer BIPOC reads, ones that don't feature a teacher-student relationship and discuss it so openly (I do understand that some may be triggered by this content). But this book is so necessary, filled with complex characters, beautiful writing, and a coming-of-age narrative that's relatable, recognizable, and new all at once. If you're not turned off by the premise and want a queer FilAm narrative, please pick this one up. You won't regret it.
Corazon "Cory" Tagubio fears she's a disappointment. She's not the best student, except in AP European History, can't connect with her classmates whatsoever, feels detached from her parents, and harbors a crush for her AP Euro teacher, Ms. Holden. After spraining his ankle, Cory's father falls off a roof during a job and slips into a coma. Distraught, Cory feels like it's her fault for being a closeted gay young woman. Ms. Holden picks up on Cory's anguish and offers to tutor her. In Ms. Holden's office, Cory feels at ease in a way she never has, but then things reach a head in a dangerous way. Cory's mom sends her to the Philippines to connect her with the half-brother she's only known in passing. At first, Cory finds this trip equivalent to her mom hating her. But as she reconnects with her Filipina roots, gets to know Jun (the aforementioned half-brother), understands why her mom did what she did, and makes new connections, Cory realizes she is deserving of love in the way she wants; she only needs to find the right person and embrace her home and family.
Cory is such a fantastic protagonist. Her 2009 self-discovery journey bursts at the seams with raw emotion that emanates through the narrative. Her internalized homophobia, frustration at her circumstances, and the hope she feels with Ms. Holden are invigorating and heartbreaking. Fantauzzo's discussion on that teacher-student relationship, the nuances of Cory's genuine love and Ms. Holden's abuse of power through taking advantage of Cory's affection, is also great. The relationship is never sexualized or framed as solely evil. Rather, there's a delicate discussion on how Cory's feelings were justified as a gay woman but also how Ms. Holden's kindness had ulterior motives.
This intricacy also extends to Cory's interactions with the rest of her family. Her relationship with her mother and its back-and-forth dynamic, how she and Jun warm up to each other, Cory's love for her father, and the growth to Bea's sarcastic brand of protectiveness were great to see. I admire that Fantauzzo took her time to develop these relationships, that they weren't always perfect; just when you thought a new leaf had been turned, the wrong thing was said, and things had to be worked on once again. This work, this subtlety, is refreshing to see, especially as some novels can get caught up in melodrama or find characters falling too easily into reconnections and forgiveness. These tenuous relationships take time to form stronger ones, and I'm happy Fantauzzo took that time here.
The scenery, both in California and the Philippines, is lush and exciting, just as vivid as Cory's fluctuating emotional state. I felt like I was there with her, the mugginess of a Filipino summer and the relieving cold of the air conditioner. The prose straddles the line between sparse and flowery, and it makes the world that much more poignant. We don't dwell on anything longer than necessary; we get to be fully immersed in this world.
I'm so happy this book is now in my life. I'm going to be recommending it to a lot of people. My Heart Underwater is a necessity for FilAm fiction, gay YA, but also just in general. Its dissection of the complicated feelings a relationship with an authority figure can arouse, alongside new family ties and a girl discovering what she's capable of having and who she's capable of being. Easily the best YA novel I've read this year.
After Reading:
Wow.
Reading My Heart Underwater was quite a journey. Over the course of forty-three days, I read a final pass ARC received through a mentor from a summer writing program I'm a part of, a good friend of the author's who was credited in the acknowledgements. Then I found the e-book and e-audiobook on Libby, so I checked those out for a bit. Then on my birthday, the hardcover was a gift from my parents, so I finished the novel by flipping physical pages instead of digital ones.
Over three different formats, Fantauzzo's debut novel unfolded in a way I'll never forget. Emotional, cathartic, direct, and unflinching, My Heart Underwater is an astonishing YA debut, analyzing the culpability of teacher-student relationships, the complications of all kinds of love, and how one girl discovers that she isn't disgusting for who she is. I'm scared this novel will get overlooked in a sea of (some may argue) more accessible queer BIPOC reads, ones that don't feature a teacher-student relationship and discuss it so openly (I do understand that some may be triggered by this content). But this book is so necessary, filled with complex characters, beautiful writing, and a coming-of-age narrative that's relatable, recognizable, and new all at once. If you're not turned off by the premise and want a queer FilAm narrative, please pick this one up. You won't regret it.
Corazon "Cory" Tagubio fears she's a disappointment. She's not the best student, except in AP European History, can't connect with her classmates whatsoever, feels detached from her parents, and harbors a crush for her AP Euro teacher, Ms. Holden. After spraining his ankle, Cory's father falls off a roof during a job and slips into a coma. Distraught, Cory feels like it's her fault for being a closeted gay young woman. Ms. Holden picks up on Cory's anguish and offers to tutor her. In Ms. Holden's office, Cory feels at ease in a way she never has, but then things reach a head in a dangerous way. Cory's mom sends her to the Philippines to connect her with the half-brother she's only known in passing. At first, Cory finds this trip equivalent to her mom hating her. But as she reconnects with her Filipina roots, gets to know Jun (the aforementioned half-brother), understands why her mom did what she did, and makes new connections, Cory realizes she is deserving of love in the way she wants; she only needs to find the right person and embrace her home and family.
Cory is such a fantastic protagonist. Her 2009 self-discovery journey bursts at the seams with raw emotion that emanates through the narrative. Her internalized homophobia, frustration at her circumstances, and the hope she feels with Ms. Holden are invigorating and heartbreaking. Fantauzzo's discussion on that teacher-student relationship, the nuances of Cory's genuine love and Ms. Holden's abuse of power through taking advantage of Cory's affection, is also great. The relationship is never sexualized or framed as solely evil. Rather, there's a delicate discussion on how Cory's feelings were justified as a gay woman but also how Ms. Holden's kindness had ulterior motives.
This intricacy also extends to Cory's interactions with the rest of her family. Her relationship with her mother and its back-and-forth dynamic, how she and Jun warm up to each other, Cory's love for her father, and the growth to Bea's sarcastic brand of protectiveness were great to see. I admire that Fantauzzo took her time to develop these relationships, that they weren't always perfect; just when you thought a new leaf had been turned, the wrong thing was said, and things had to be worked on once again. This work, this subtlety, is refreshing to see, especially as some novels can get caught up in melodrama or find characters falling too easily into reconnections and forgiveness. These tenuous relationships take time to form stronger ones, and I'm happy Fantauzzo took that time here.
The scenery, both in California and the Philippines, is lush and exciting, just as vivid as Cory's fluctuating emotional state. I felt like I was there with her, the mugginess of a Filipino summer and the relieving cold of the air conditioner. The prose straddles the line between sparse and flowery, and it makes the world that much more poignant. We don't dwell on anything longer than necessary; we get to be fully immersed in this world.
I'm so happy this book is now in my life. I'm going to be recommending it to a lot of people. My Heart Underwater is a necessity for FilAm fiction, gay YA, but also just in general. Its dissection of the complicated feelings a relationship with an authority figure can arouse, alongside new family ties and a girl discovering what she's capable of having and who she's capable of being. Easily the best YA novel I've read this year.
After Reading:
Wow.
September 4, 2021
Really beautifully written. The audiobook was gorgeously performed.
September 25, 2020
My Heart Underwater is a touching story about self-discovery and acceptance, as well as about the relationships you encounter in life and learning to balance them and tell good relationships from bad. When the novel opens, Corizon (Cory) is going to a catholic school and is experiencing guilt over being gay. She regularly prays to the statue of Mary for forgiveness for her crush on her History teacher, and she feels as if she does not live up to her parents’ expectations. All this leaves her emotionally vulnerable when her father has an accident that leaves him in a coma, and she and her teacher end up crossing a boundary which neither meant to cross, and Cory is sent to live with her elder half-brother, Jun, in the Philippines. There, she meets family members who help her to better understand her parents’ personalities, as well as becoming friends with Jun’s friends and learning to better understand both Jun and herself.
This novel perfectly illustrated what life is like as a young queer person. Although I cannot speak for teens of color, I know what it is like to not fit the standards set out, or that you assume are set out, in a religious family. When you realize you are not straight, that your future does not hold the heterosexual church marriage and 2.5 biological children you are expected to pursue, it can be hard to handle. Even before you tell anyone, even if no one has said anything to you directly about your identity, the negative opinions and outright unacceptance that surrounds us every day can make you feel shame for simply existing, nevermind even considering actually living your life as who you really are. So, I can relate to the pain the Cory underwent in the first half, and can also understand the desire for attention, any positive attention, she could get when her already stressful life was only further complicated by a family medical emergency, even if both she and her teacher understood that the relationship they had formed was not right. Furthermore, I love the characterization of Cory’s family and Jun’s friends once Cory arrives in the Phillipines in the second half. Seeing the strict and unfair environment her mother was raised in gave a lot of background for why she acted the way she did towards Cory, as well as providing a level of hope that, no matter how strict she may be with her daughter, Cory’s mother knows what it is like to not feel accepted by one’s parents and will therefore possibly be more willing to put her daughter’s happiness above her own feelings when the time really counts. Furthermore, all of Jun’s friends are so unique yet make up such a warm and cohesive second family for Cory in order to help her heal and find herself, and to realize that the only opinions that truly count are those of the people who will love and support her no matter who she is or who she loves.
If you are a young person currently struggling to reconcile your identity with your upbringing, or if you are an older queer person who remembers the pain of escaping the oppression of a close-minded society, then I highly recommend this novel. It is beautiful and touching and it shows that there is so much more to life outside of the restrictions placed on you by a strict upbringing. You are perfect the way you, and you will find someone who loves and cares for you someday, whether it is a lover or a close friend or a sibling or cousin who turns out to be much more open minded than you ever realize before you were both able to speak freely. Just as Cory is able to find a healthy relationship and a loving family, both biological and found, by the end of the novel, you will find an environment that will give you that same love if you keep your head up and stay true to yourself (and by the way, if your search for love means searching for friends and family who will accept that you do not want ‘love’ at all in a relationship sense, then that also applies to you, my ace and aro sibs <3 ). This novel deserves so much more love than I can possibly give it in a short review. I hope that it receives all the popularity it deserves when it reaches its public release, and can see it being a great resource for teachers to start a discussion about acceptance.
This novel perfectly illustrated what life is like as a young queer person. Although I cannot speak for teens of color, I know what it is like to not fit the standards set out, or that you assume are set out, in a religious family. When you realize you are not straight, that your future does not hold the heterosexual church marriage and 2.5 biological children you are expected to pursue, it can be hard to handle. Even before you tell anyone, even if no one has said anything to you directly about your identity, the negative opinions and outright unacceptance that surrounds us every day can make you feel shame for simply existing, nevermind even considering actually living your life as who you really are. So, I can relate to the pain the Cory underwent in the first half, and can also understand the desire for attention, any positive attention, she could get when her already stressful life was only further complicated by a family medical emergency, even if both she and her teacher understood that the relationship they had formed was not right. Furthermore, I love the characterization of Cory’s family and Jun’s friends once Cory arrives in the Phillipines in the second half. Seeing the strict and unfair environment her mother was raised in gave a lot of background for why she acted the way she did towards Cory, as well as providing a level of hope that, no matter how strict she may be with her daughter, Cory’s mother knows what it is like to not feel accepted by one’s parents and will therefore possibly be more willing to put her daughter’s happiness above her own feelings when the time really counts. Furthermore, all of Jun’s friends are so unique yet make up such a warm and cohesive second family for Cory in order to help her heal and find herself, and to realize that the only opinions that truly count are those of the people who will love and support her no matter who she is or who she loves.
If you are a young person currently struggling to reconcile your identity with your upbringing, or if you are an older queer person who remembers the pain of escaping the oppression of a close-minded society, then I highly recommend this novel. It is beautiful and touching and it shows that there is so much more to life outside of the restrictions placed on you by a strict upbringing. You are perfect the way you, and you will find someone who loves and cares for you someday, whether it is a lover or a close friend or a sibling or cousin who turns out to be much more open minded than you ever realize before you were both able to speak freely. Just as Cory is able to find a healthy relationship and a loving family, both biological and found, by the end of the novel, you will find an environment that will give you that same love if you keep your head up and stay true to yourself (and by the way, if your search for love means searching for friends and family who will accept that you do not want ‘love’ at all in a relationship sense, then that also applies to you, my ace and aro sibs <3 ). This novel deserves so much more love than I can possibly give it in a short review. I hope that it receives all the popularity it deserves when it reaches its public release, and can see it being a great resource for teachers to start a discussion about acceptance.
October 19, 2020
I thoroughly enjoyed reading My Heart Underwater - a coming-of-age story set in both the U.S. and the Philippines. As a Filipino-American, I wish that I had more access stories like this when I was growing up, and I was grateful for the little details - whether descriptions of food, micro-agressions, or arriving at the airport in Manila for the first time - that I could relate to. The novel also shows variety in Filipino-American experiences. I was particularly drawn to the development of Cory’s relationship with her half-Filipino, half-white cousin Bea from a relationship of insecurity (Cory) and thoughtlessness (Bea) to a more genuinely supportive relationship based on empathy and vulnerability.
Much of the novel focuses on Cory’s experience with and healing from an unhealthy/abusive relationship with her substitute history teacher, Grace Holden. Each character has their own reaction when they find out about the relationship - generally well-meaning, imperfect, and authentic responses that together help Cory begin to figure out for herself what a healthy relationship does and does not look like. I appreciated that in the acknowledgements section, the author points readers to resources to seek support for themselves or anyone they know who may be in an unhealthy relationship
Overall, I’m very grateful for the chance to have read My Heart Underwater, and it made me realize I’ve been missing out on a lot by not regularly including YA novels on my reading lists!
Much of the novel focuses on Cory’s experience with and healing from an unhealthy/abusive relationship with her substitute history teacher, Grace Holden. Each character has their own reaction when they find out about the relationship - generally well-meaning, imperfect, and authentic responses that together help Cory begin to figure out for herself what a healthy relationship does and does not look like. I appreciated that in the acknowledgements section, the author points readers to resources to seek support for themselves or anyone they know who may be in an unhealthy relationship
Overall, I’m very grateful for the chance to have read My Heart Underwater, and it made me realize I’ve been missing out on a lot by not regularly including YA novels on my reading lists!
August 31, 2020
This book was absolutely beautiful. I got an intimate look at Corey and I wanted to give her a hug by the end. I also enjoyed learning about the Philipines, and the setting felt almost like its own character. Corey made a great main character, and although there were some boring parts of this book, it still was a wonderfully done novel full of character and emotion. I would recommend this to someone who wants to learn more about the Philippines through a personal lens. Full review at The More We Read!
***Thank you to NetGalley and HarperCollins for the eARC in exchange for an honest review.***
***Thank you to NetGalley and HarperCollins for the eARC in exchange for an honest review.***
October 20, 2020
Corazon (Corey) is a 17y/o queer, Filipina, Catholic student who is sent to the Philippines to stay with her half-brother after her mom catches Corey with her History teacher in the hospital parking lot where Corey’s dad is in a coma. ⠀
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Fantauzzo wrote Corey with the nuances of loss and longing for the things we don’t understand in a beautiful way. ⠀
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Her trip to the Philippines turns out to be a defining moment in her life where she not only understands her self, but also her family and their history. ⠀
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This book is ultimately about coming home. For Corey. For me, the reader. And for all Filipinos (esp queer Filipinos) out there who needed to see themselves in books. ⠀
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From the beginning chapters with Corey in her home and their plastic covered sofas, Corey’s mom asking if she changed into ‘pambahay’, and right up to the point when Corey sets foot on the Philippines, sees a ‘sari-sari’ store, puts ‘load’ on her phone, and ride a tricycle— it really made my heart full. Although I was only there for 10 years, a lot of what brings me joy is seeing and feeling home.⠀
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A frustrating, but very real part in this book is how Corey’s grandpa cares less for Corey and prefer her half-white/half-Filipino cousin Bea who is a part-time model in the Philippines while living in the US. He sees Bea as the perfect American with perfect English which he is so proud of. ⠀
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He dismisses Corey immediately for still knowing how to speak Tagalog. I’ve definitely seen families like these where they live in this bubble of perceived whiteness as superior. Meanwhile, I’ve seen some families wish their children knew how to speak their home language. ⠀
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Another part that I thought was portrayed accurately— Corey sees billboards everywhere with skin-lightening products and “mixie-looking” models. In the Philippines, most celebrities are half-white/half-Filipino. Look at our recent Miss Universes—neither are full Filipino. I’m happy for the representation, but they’re not representative of Filipinos. If they weren’t that, they were extremely light-skinned. ⠀
September 11, 2020
This is my favorite YA novel that I've ever read. Fantauzzo tells Cory's story with grace and care, and I spent a lovely weekend greedily consuming the book. Cory's "romance" with Ms. Holden and family dynamics are entirely believable, and Fantauzzo provides a gift to the world by exploring the tortured existence of a queer, immigrant, lower-middle class Filipina American. Some of her images were so relatable that I couldn't get them out of my mind, for example: the plastic cover on the couch in Cory's immigrant mother's house. I mean, how much more specific can you get?!
I highly recommend this books to teens and adults alike. It offers an important story that's often hidden from view and makes it available to a wide audience. This is a must-read! Get it for yourself and start a book club and recommend it to your friends! It would be a fun book to discuss with like-minded peers.
I highly recommend this books to teens and adults alike. It offers an important story that's often hidden from view and makes it available to a wide audience. This is a must-read! Get it for yourself and start a book club and recommend it to your friends! It would be a fun book to discuss with like-minded peers.
August 4, 2021
This book was disappointing . I wanted to like it because don't believe have read any other books with Filipino American main character and especially not an lgbt + main character or a book that takes place partially or mostly in the Philippines. The story overall in a way feels unfinished and too many plot points that do nothing or very little for the actual story . I thought there should have be another section with Cory returning back to the States to balance the overall story out.
The first main issue with this book is that the set up is really too short . Cory is caught kissing her teacher and is quickly set off to the Philippines where the rest of the story happens and finishes. By conversations later on there is a sense that some scenes with Cory and the teacher were cut or rewrote.I think the author was right later on addressing the power imbalance in these kind of relationships and the overall wrongness of anything that happens given Cory's age , but characters address how the teacher groomed her and until the kisses nothing about Cory's and her teacher's relationship comes off as inappropriate. In fact will say til the kiss it doesn't seem like her teacher takes any special interest in Cory . She praises her for doing well on a test , which I don't find off since teachers should be able to encourage students when they do well. Given that Cory has a crush on her I very much think how she sees her teacher's actions is colored by that crush and I don't know if we the reader is then meant read that as that teacher was actually paying more attention to her . I don't think a book has to scream at the reader or shove things in their face. In fact I enjoy when a book is more nuanced with characters and situations . In fact in a way it seems like just because the teacher is queer that her actions toward Cory or wrong at the offset .I would hope that a lgbt author wouldn't send this sort of message that lgbt people are going to prey on kids given that is a real fear for a lot of people still when it comes teachers or any person's of authority being openly out, though it is never painted in the book that the teacher is out out other than on her private Facebook and having a rainbow key chain.
Second is is that I am unsure why Cory is set off. I thought at first it was going to be more that her mother was completely against her being a lesbian and she was sent off to relatives to "straighten her out". Will admit in a way glad that was not the case since it is an often over used cliche, but it would least be some sort of reason. Nothing is ever addressed with Cory and just the day after the kiss happens she is on a plane.Her mom never raises her voice and they never even address what actually happened then or at all over the course of the entire book. To be honest While, yes, her mom is dealing with the father in the hospital for most of the book just would figure at some point that deeper discussion would happen. would much preferred either some concrete reason for why her mother thought it was best to send her there or just at the onset set the book in Philippines. .
I also don't think Cory really processes her emotions about the wrongness of the kiss with her teacher. It often comes across as others are just telling her how to think and feel about it and never let her actually work through it on her own. I don't think others addresses what happened was of course wrong ,but Cory never really gets to speak about her feelings and thoughts or when she does it is very limited to what others think and feel about it . And again it's like either the characters assume more happened or reading into what Corey does say, which maybe explains the feeling that something is missing when they address the situation.
Really also not a fan either of the relationship/ start of a relationship that happens later on in the book. More than glad that it is with someone her own age, but there is no real chemistry between her and Iggy . They meet a few times and then a few pages from the end there is a kiss . I am all for very slow build up, but her it just feels like oh Iggy likes girls too so course they would be interested in each other! While things like that of course happen in real life in books it always just feels super lazy .
The last 70 or so pages just dragged for me. I found myself putting the book down even though I was so so close to being finished. As it kept going on just knew there were going to be so many plot points that were just not going to be wrapped up. I am fine with some loose ends but a lot of things here just went no where. Wish the book had been more focused and limited with the plot points. Instead, though, the book just has a lot of minor things that just happen to happen and very few seem to really move the story forward .
Overall the book was not what I was expecting. I guess I just thought it was going to have a deeper discussion of the inappropriate nature of a teacher student relationship and Cory working through her own feelings and thoughts about it. I think she gets to that point , but again seems like her friends do the work for her in a way as I mentioned before.The rest of the book is just messy with various plot points that never get wrapped up or addressed in a meaningful way by any of the characters.
The first main issue with this book is that the set up is really too short . Cory is caught kissing her teacher and is quickly set off to the Philippines where the rest of the story happens and finishes. By conversations later on there is a sense that some scenes with Cory and the teacher were cut or rewrote.I think the author was right later on addressing the power imbalance in these kind of relationships and the overall wrongness of anything that happens given Cory's age , but characters address how the teacher groomed her and until the kisses nothing about Cory's and her teacher's relationship comes off as inappropriate. In fact will say til the kiss it doesn't seem like her teacher takes any special interest in Cory . She praises her for doing well on a test , which I don't find off since teachers should be able to encourage students when they do well. Given that Cory has a crush on her I very much think how she sees her teacher's actions is colored by that crush and I don't know if we the reader is then meant read that as that teacher was actually paying more attention to her . I don't think a book has to scream at the reader or shove things in their face. In fact I enjoy when a book is more nuanced with characters and situations . In fact in a way it seems like just because the teacher is queer that her actions toward Cory or wrong at the offset .I would hope that a lgbt author wouldn't send this sort of message that lgbt people are going to prey on kids given that is a real fear for a lot of people still when it comes teachers or any person's of authority being openly out, though it is never painted in the book that the teacher is out out other than on her private Facebook and having a rainbow key chain.
Second is is that I am unsure why Cory is set off. I thought at first it was going to be more that her mother was completely against her being a lesbian and she was sent off to relatives to "straighten her out". Will admit in a way glad that was not the case since it is an often over used cliche, but it would least be some sort of reason. Nothing is ever addressed with Cory and just the day after the kiss happens she is on a plane.Her mom never raises her voice and they never even address what actually happened then or at all over the course of the entire book. To be honest While, yes, her mom is dealing with the father in the hospital for most of the book just would figure at some point that deeper discussion would happen. would much preferred either some concrete reason for why her mother thought it was best to send her there or just at the onset set the book in Philippines. .
I also don't think Cory really processes her emotions about the wrongness of the kiss with her teacher. It often comes across as others are just telling her how to think and feel about it and never let her actually work through it on her own. I don't think others addresses what happened was of course wrong ,but Cory never really gets to speak about her feelings and thoughts or when she does it is very limited to what others think and feel about it . And again it's like either the characters assume more happened or reading into what Corey does say, which maybe explains the feeling that something is missing when they address the situation.
Really also not a fan either of the relationship/ start of a relationship that happens later on in the book. More than glad that it is with someone her own age, but there is no real chemistry between her and Iggy . They meet a few times and then a few pages from the end there is a kiss . I am all for very slow build up, but her it just feels like oh Iggy likes girls too so course they would be interested in each other! While things like that of course happen in real life in books it always just feels super lazy .
The last 70 or so pages just dragged for me. I found myself putting the book down even though I was so so close to being finished. As it kept going on just knew there were going to be so many plot points that were just not going to be wrapped up. I am fine with some loose ends but a lot of things here just went no where. Wish the book had been more focused and limited with the plot points. Instead, though, the book just has a lot of minor things that just happen to happen and very few seem to really move the story forward .
Overall the book was not what I was expecting. I guess I just thought it was going to have a deeper discussion of the inappropriate nature of a teacher student relationship and Cory working through her own feelings and thoughts about it. I think she gets to that point , but again seems like her friends do the work for her in a way as I mentioned before.The rest of the book is just messy with various plot points that never get wrapped up or addressed in a meaningful way by any of the characters.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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June 16, 2020Reviewing for professional magazine- see review there.
February 27, 2021
A really thoughtful and delicate queer YA story. It was only spoiled by the blurb, which spoils the entire first half of the book. This made me GRUMPY.
November 8, 2020
I thought it would be fun to read about a culture I knew nothing about, and this book fit. I didn't read the summary carefully enough, and by the time the book was available, I'd clearly forgotten what this was about. I was not at all the intended audience for this. It's a coming-of-age story that has a lot of very heavy elements. I don't even know how to describe them as categories. They're plot points. I don't know if it would spoil the book or not. The author has a gift for vivid, natural-seeming writing. I couldn't stop turning pages. There's a clear split between the two halves of the novel--one takes place in California, and the other takes place in the Philippines, which the US invaded. Oh excuse me, it's "a US territory." Because of that, Cory would not need a Phillipines passport to travel there. She'd need a visa since she was staying longer than a month, though. Cory and her family are observant Catholics and she goes to a Catholic school in the US. I couldn't relate and knocked a star off my rating. She has a crush on her teacher, who is eight years older than her. That's totally normal. Her teacher preys on her which is NOT, and I was furious. This is actually a real-life argument homophobes use for not hiring gay teachers, and the author stuck it in her book! And she expected readers, for part of the book, to feel like it was okay! EW! There went another star off my rating. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Cory's family in the Philippines explains to her that what the teacher did was not okay, and tried so hard to get her to see that. It was super late in the book, though.
Let's consider it from the teacher's perspective, even. She grooms, then kisses, a seventeen-year-old who she has power over. She quickly gets back with an ex and posts a sappy status about it. Due to pronoun stuff, at first I thought she was talking about Cory and was horrified that her friends, other fellow adults, were celebrating. No, they had no clue. I read it again and realized they were celebrating the two adults getting back together, and had no idea what their friend had done. WHY was this treated as a legitimate breakup from both Cory and the teacher, when it was something creepy! Nothing would have been lost if the teacher had been a slightly older student tutoring her instead! An eighteen-year-old senior student at the same school would have a -much- different dynamic.
On the way Cory's older brother, Jun, is portrayed: they're distant until she moves, and there's no real buildup of them getting close. He's shy and they're totally different ages. Rather than establish a relationship with him once they meet in person, she just thinks at him and about him, then basically buys him a nicer secondhand guitar. Jun and Cory have different mothers. Until Cory went to the Philippines, I actually thought he was her uncle or something, and just thought her dad really missed his brother. She showed no inclination to want to know him, which is fine. That created some interesting dramatic tension, with her basically going "my dad loves him and talks to him a lot and I don't." She doesn't think more on it than that, and at times, seems to consider the conversations annoying. So when they do meet, it comes off as awkward. The author clearly didn't intend that, though. IRL, I know people who have half-siblings from a cheating parent's former marriage and -none- of them act like Jun. "Oh, it's okay that my dad cheated on and left my mom! Your parents are the real love story!" Especially when the cheating parent leaves the country to be with the new person and have a new baby. They can and do develop civil or even loving relationships with one another, but there's often, often a resentment that gets there first. NOT "oh it's okay," by FAR. They -certainly- do not say that -upon first meeting their new sibling-. The book "Full Disclosure" by Camryn Garrett also examined half-sibling relationships with a radically different result. I liked what Garrett did with it, especially compared to what this author had her characters do.
There's no real relationship between her and Iggy, either. Their emotions and sensations towards one another are so weakly described that I hesitate to call it insta-love. It is, though, and it's the offensively stereotypical "OMG another non-heterosexual. Since we share the same orientation, we MUST fall in desperate love instantly!" RRGH. I had been looking forward to watching Iggy and Cory fall in love, and was hit with that instead. Their relationship seems to be "I am Filipino and part white." "Me too!" "We're in love!" Give me more than that, please.
I've never read a book whose plot was so rigidly delineated into themes. Usually, I describe a book chronologically, but my description of this one is such. 1. Catholic scholarship queer kid. 2. Accident and hospitalization 3. Philippines 4. Music 5. The End
It was oddly structured and ended weakly, as well.
Let's consider it from the teacher's perspective, even. She grooms, then kisses, a seventeen-year-old who she has power over. She quickly gets back with an ex and posts a sappy status about it. Due to pronoun stuff, at first I thought she was talking about Cory and was horrified that her friends, other fellow adults, were celebrating. No, they had no clue. I read it again and realized they were celebrating the two adults getting back together, and had no idea what their friend had done. WHY was this treated as a legitimate breakup from both Cory and the teacher, when it was something creepy! Nothing would have been lost if the teacher had been a slightly older student tutoring her instead! An eighteen-year-old senior student at the same school would have a -much- different dynamic.
On the way Cory's older brother, Jun, is portrayed: they're distant until she moves, and there's no real buildup of them getting close. He's shy and they're totally different ages. Rather than establish a relationship with him once they meet in person, she just thinks at him and about him, then basically buys him a nicer secondhand guitar. Jun and Cory have different mothers. Until Cory went to the Philippines, I actually thought he was her uncle or something, and just thought her dad really missed his brother. She showed no inclination to want to know him, which is fine. That created some interesting dramatic tension, with her basically going "my dad loves him and talks to him a lot and I don't." She doesn't think more on it than that, and at times, seems to consider the conversations annoying. So when they do meet, it comes off as awkward. The author clearly didn't intend that, though. IRL, I know people who have half-siblings from a cheating parent's former marriage and -none- of them act like Jun. "Oh, it's okay that my dad cheated on and left my mom! Your parents are the real love story!" Especially when the cheating parent leaves the country to be with the new person and have a new baby. They can and do develop civil or even loving relationships with one another, but there's often, often a resentment that gets there first. NOT "oh it's okay," by FAR. They -certainly- do not say that -upon first meeting their new sibling-. The book "Full Disclosure" by Camryn Garrett also examined half-sibling relationships with a radically different result. I liked what Garrett did with it, especially compared to what this author had her characters do.
There's no real relationship between her and Iggy, either. Their emotions and sensations towards one another are so weakly described that I hesitate to call it insta-love. It is, though, and it's the offensively stereotypical "OMG another non-heterosexual. Since we share the same orientation, we MUST fall in desperate love instantly!" RRGH. I had been looking forward to watching Iggy and Cory fall in love, and was hit with that instead. Their relationship seems to be "I am Filipino and part white." "Me too!" "We're in love!" Give me more than that, please.
I've never read a book whose plot was so rigidly delineated into themes. Usually, I describe a book chronologically, but my description of this one is such. 1. Catholic scholarship queer kid. 2. Accident and hospitalization 3. Philippines 4. Music 5. The End
It was oddly structured and ended weakly, as well.
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