indomitable: a foster care story

by Di Ciruolo

From childhood to motherhood, Di Ciruolo takes readers through very personal and intensely heartbreaking experiences and creates a safe space for trauma survivors with indomitable . Indomitable is a true story of foster care survival. With intentional wit and a healthy amount of self-reflection, Di Ciruolo invites explorers to find the places they can relate to while finding footing on the rungs to healing. Ciruolo shines a light on inner trauma, by offering encouragement and guidance for survivors and those who seek to support them. 

Genres: Memoir, Fostering

256 pages, Paperback

Published September 5, 2023

Reviews

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book offers a detailed and heartbreaking look into America’s foster care system. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll be amazed at the strong personality that rose up to make a life for herself rather than accept becoming a statistic.

[Adrienne · Rating 5 out of 5]

in·dom·i·ta·ble (adjective)
impossible to subdue or defeat. “a woman of indomitable spirit"

The title of this book could not be more fitting. “Resilient beyond belief“ is another way to summarize some of the struggles Di has bravely faced.

What a story! The story is hard at times, and occasionally even painful to get through. Di’s life takes all sorts of twists and turns and yet somehow, she ends up on top, persevering with more strength and resilience than most could imagine.

“I’m tired of people who have been given countless advantages in life telling other people how to work for what they were given.”

I could be lumped into the first portion of this sentence. I did have countless advantages. I attended a series of wonderful schools, had a set of supportive parents, and the question wasn’t “if” I would go to college, but where, and how far would I go with those dreams.

It’s mind boggling for someone like me to hear from someone like Di, who faced road block after road block. Physical, mental, emotional hurdles trying to prevent her from achieving her goals… and somehow came out on top. It makes you think and reflect about the group of people (like Di) who lived that same childhood and weren’t able to push past those barriers. It makes you reflect and think not only how fortunate am I? … but also, how can I try to be more inclusive and supportive of those who might be invisibly struggling. And- how can I give someone a chance whose background might not look as perfect as some of their peers.

I’m just so thankful Di took the time and emotional leap to share this story, and let it be a reminder to those everywhere that not all paths of life are the same.

Be inclusive, be appreciative, and be indomitable with whatever life throws your way.

[Eleanor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an honest, deeply eye-opening memoir that takes the reader well beyond their comfort zone in the most necessary of ways. For anyone raised in a loving household, it makes you examine your privilege and mourn the injustices that some are forced to endure simply by being born to different circumstances. This is the story of a girl who defied the odds time and time again, endured the unthinkable that was thrown at her, and came out on top.

Ciruolo bears her soul as she vividly recounts a lost childhood and chaotic struggle to survive. Many parts were infuriating, being brought through the painful, gruesome details of torture and abuse at the hands of those responsible for protecting her. Ciruolo's emotional resilience and good humor in the face of the luckless cards she was frequently dealt leave you with hope and inspiration that the human spirit will prevail. Her wit and intelligence shine in her subtle use of humor, an indication of Ciruolo's strength overcoming the evil that could have so easily broken her spirit had she decided to let it.

Ciruolo says there are two paths that survivors of abuse can take at the end of the day: perpetuating the violence in their adult years, or overcoming the emotional devastation and protecting those around them; it is clear that in both sharing her heartbreaking story with the world and in her details of how she coped and supported others along the way, she follows the latter path.

Thank you, Di, for telling your story. The world needed to hear this.

[Cassandra White · Rating 5 out of 5]

Indomitable is a very personal account of Di Ciruolo's experience of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse from adults in her biological family and subsequently in the foster care system. It is painful to read; as I was reading, I couldn't help but think about how many children are going through the same experiences currently. Ciruolo notes at the beginning that it is probably not something one should read all at once, and the stories could be triggering for many readers. She describes some instances in which she did received support from people, books, and children's educational television that helped her to survive the system and eventually thrive as an adult. However, her description of how the foster care system and how the wider community of friends and family of foster parents can miss (or sometimes deliberately ignore) the signs that something is not right helps to explain why so many children in foster care suffer from similar abuses. I think this is a particularly important read for people who work in foster care or who work with children in other capacities (elementary and high school teachers, for example).

[Patricia Pagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This moving, well-crafted, gut punch of a book depicts the author's journey through trauma, hunger and the foster care system. Her honesty, grit and determination to survive challenge the reader but, in the end, leave one with a sense of hope. "That's what you find at the bottom of absolute hopelessness," Ciruolo writes, "yourself and your spark." The book is not always an easy read, as it shines a light on the need to reform the foster care system and the enduring legacy of sexual and emotional abuse. The term "trigger warning" is so-overused in American culture that it has begun to lose its true meaning, yet I must warn fellow members of the survivor community that the author's honest and vivid portrayal of sexual and emotional abuse (and the professionals who choose not to see abuse) hits home. So put it down for a bit if you have to, but pick it back up later. This powerful journey is worth it.

[Jodi Freeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A child left to a system that did everything in its power to protect the wrong people in the absolute mistreatment as our hero recounts actual occasions she recalls that it was an absolute nightmare.

Surviving actual heartbreaking losses, and still striving for better even though she was told she would never amount to anything. Action and words ignored, and many many life altering event shaped a small child whom just wanted to be loved to a strong, fierce, survivor, warrior Queen.

The story is one many could relate to, not in all but a few aspects or maybe more. Someone had to tell it, and I am glad all horrible things of foster care or being brought to light. She speaks for those whom have been failed, and have no voice it is indeed a must read and you will not be able to put it down.

[Brianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

One thing is for sure: Di Ciruolo took me on a wild and enlightening ride with indomitable. With every page, I wasn't sure if I would cry, laugh, or both. Her wit and self-awareness offer a breath of fresh air through an eye-opening and heart-wrenching journey of abuse, torture, growth, and perseverance. She provides a unique opportunity for the reader to reflect on their own biases toward foster kids, abuse victims, and neurodiverse kids as well as to recognize the subtle - and not so subtle - signs of abuse and neglect. I highly recommend that anyone interested in working with children (whether teaching, fostering, counseling, etc) read this book! Or if you have children. Or if you know children. Read it with a box of tissues.

Congratulations, Di! You truly *are* exceptional!

[Marissa Costello · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was heart-wrenching, raw, honest and, at the end, hopeful. Di’s truth comes through as someone who has gone through the foster care system and made it out, a feat that is rare. Not only does she make it out but she is absolutely killing it. I could not put this book down. I stayed up until I could not keep my eyes open and then picked it up the next morning and did not stop reading until I was done.

It was a window into a world that I had no idea existed in my quiet suburb near Boston. This book makes me want to do more to help kids in the foster care system and kids living in poverty. I hope more people will read this book not only because it is exquisitely written but so they can also be compelled to do more to fix this broken system.

[Colleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Di tells her story of survival in a prose that is so perfectly crafted, complete with footnotes for clarifications, both scientific and personal, that you survive it yourself. Reading Indomitable is not just reading a memoir; it is being invited to bear witness to the battle(s) Di fought for her own survival and offered a view into a childhood no one should ever have had, or have. Yet, as utterly devastating as many parts are, Di smooths out the heartbreak you feel for her, turning you into her biggest champion while simultaneously transforming you into her best student, yearning yourself to learn how to do more, help more, be more. You will lie in awe of her courage, compassion, humanity and strength. You will know, she is, in fact, Indomitable and certainly magic.

[Dave Archer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this in anticipation of the author's talk at the library. It's a brutal picture of abusive life lived within the foster care system. In the preface, Ciruolo implores us not to read the book all at once, which both sets you up for the difficulties you'll read about, and challenges you to keep going as she did. It's hard not to give this more stars, but the writing was quite disorganized and could have benefitted from a linear telling. I also think it would be worth learning more academic-supported data connected to her story. On the other hand, I can't begin to imagine how difficult it would be to retell the story and share it with the public. It's truly heartbreaking the way people take advantage of children.

[Nora M · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was incredible. It really opened my eyes to what the reality of our foster care system is and how many children, like Di, are being failed by it. Di manages to tell a heartbreaking story in a way that doesn’t make you feel bad for her, but rather to cheer her on and just wait for her to succeed. Which she does, in epic fashion. Not only is the story compelling, but the way Di writes it draws you in and even manages to make you laugh at times. Huge kudos to Di Ciruolo for sharing such a deeply personal story that was so very important for us all to hear. Highly recommend everyone reads this book.

[Jay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the privilege of providing feedback on an early version of this book before it was released, and after re-reading the final version I am even more blown away about what an accomplishment this book truly is.

Equal parts a tell-all about the systemic inequity in our country and a rallying cry for change, Indomitable is an important and essential read. I am sure that if more people read it, fewer kids would go hungry at night. Fewer kids would be forgotten or left behind. How many books have you read or recommended this year that could claim the same?

I highly recommend this book, not just for how engaging a read it is, but for how much good it can do for all of us.

[Jennifer C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to the author, Di Ciruolo, for her courage in allowing, us readers, a glimpse into her life experiences. Despite all the transgressions, the eloquence in her writing brought a bit of airiness lined with hope and encouragement. In addition to providing insights on the systemic flaws of the Department of Community and Family Services, Ciruolo also sheds light on the shortcomings of additional social systemic issues. Such as the procurement of paraprofessionals for school-aged children, access to healthcare services, identity erasure, etc. As the title of the book implies, I am elated that Di Ciruolo is indeed indomitable and wholeheartedly hope for her to continue to be.

[Sarah Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! Di took a lifetime of things that were done to her and came out the other side in spite of it all. And didn't stop there but went on to share her story in a beautiful way so we could all use it to learn and find a way to do better going forward. Her story was told with such grace and insight! I ached for the little girl that she was and cheered as I watched the adult her come into her own power. I think everyone should read this if for no other reason than to better understand how we as a society are failing some of the most vulnerable out there.

[Kylie Sawyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just recently finished this book, and wow. The power she has with her words and the emotion she puts into her writing is absolutely phenomenal. Talking about her past trauma must have been such a hard thing to do, so I give her much love and care for writing this story. I suggest this book to ANYONE who wants to learn more about victims of abuse. I give Di, ALL my love for writing this book. Thank you Di, I wish you the best.

[Jamie Cobb · Rating 5 out of 5]

It feels weird to say this given the trauma, but I loved this book!! Though I wasn’t in the foster care system there was a lot that I could relate to and it made me feel less alone. I also felt less alone as a mother in this world- wanting to break cycles for my babies! I love the way the author brings it back to the system and modern day adult perspectives- it helps break up the moments where I feel like I’m just broken hearted for the little her. Well done!

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

If this book doesn’t move you, nothing will. Di takes you on a journey through such a raw and painful experience. But the message is hopeful - you can have all the odds stacked against you, have people literally push you down, and you can overcome. All I can say is - read it! - and you’ll be changed, too.

[Natasha O'rourke · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really affected me. It’s a brutally honest look at Di’s experience in the foster care system. It can be a hard and heartbreaking read because of its honesty, but that’s also what made is so beautiful and inspiring. It will stay with me for a long time.

[Philip Keegan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful, painful, unflinching, and courages reflection on trauma and the power of not letting your past define you. Di’s use of her own tragic experiences in the foster care system opens the door for the reader to conceptualize and reflect on their own traumas without judgement.

[Carla King · Rating 5 out of 5]

One person's true foster care story. Working in the foster care system and in the area of this author, it was eye opening, frustrating and infuriating to read- but one must read to understand.

[Andrea Paradis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite books and I have recommended it to so many. Not only gives you all the feels but is written so incredibly well. I did not want to finish it.

[Tricia Casale · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a powerful story about a strong courageous woman. Well written and a story we should all hear. You’ll experience all the emotions just the way a good book should read! Highly recommend.

[Candace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an honest and difficult look into the foster care system yes, but more a story of how strong we are and how we have the ability to heal if we put the work in. Awesome read.

[S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a few books that deal with difficult topics like “indomitable”, but Di Ciruolo hits a perfect balance with humor and hindsight that makes this book an inspiring journey through her own traumatic experiences. She brings an important understanding of the foster care system to folks who haven’t experienced it and heartwarming visibility to those who have.