Everyone But Myself

by Julie Chavez

Like so many mothers, Julie Chavez ran herself ragged trying to meet the needs of everyone else, until an unexpected panic attack forced her to find a new way. Funny, deeply honest, and inspiring for readers feeling overwhelmed in their own lives, Everyone But Myself feels like a best friend sharing how she pulled herself back to solid ground while embracing chaos along the way. "In my experience, the phrase 'all of a sudden' is rarely applicable when it comes to mental health." For Chavez, an elementary school librarian and mother of two boys, the signs of mounting anxiety and depression had been present for a while, though she had done her very best to ignore them. Then, one night, while her husband was away on business, Julie found herself locked in a debilitating panic attack that threw her life into a tailspin. The terrifying aftershocks left her grappling with questions about the origin of her anxiety and where it would lead next. What follows is a funny, unflinchingly open account of love and loss, comically negligent doctors, husbands who can't read minds, family outings gone wrong, and the life-affirming joy of a life well loved and well lived.
Written with humor and hope, and sure to resonate with mothers spread thin by the demands of modern family life, Everyone But Myself offers an intimate portrait of how one woman found her way back from the edge.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Mental Health, Biography Memoir, Psychology, Parenting

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 9, 2024

Reviews

[Kelly Hooker · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s a serendipitous feeling when the most perfect book falls into your hands at precisely the right time, and EVERYONE BUT MYSELF did just that. In this memoir, Julie Chavez recounts a year in her life when crippling anxiety became an unwanted tenant in her mind and body. With humor and vulnerability, Julie shares how the weight of her roles as a school librarian, mother, and wife became too heavy and the steps she took to feel more like herself.

Julie’s words resonated so deeply with me. As I was reading, I was struck by the uncanny parallels to my own life. After the birth of my 3rd son, anxiety gripped me in a new and unsettling way. Through counseling, medication, and intentionally carving out time for myself I was able to reclaim parts of me I worried were lost.

I found myself nodding along and murmuring an audible “mmm hmmm” as I read Julie’s story. If you’ve ever found yourself in a place of surviving and not thriving, I think you will too.

READ THIS IF:
-You appreciate levity in the midst of the heavy
-Advocating for your mental health is of high importance
-You find solidarity in the stories of other women

RATING: 5/5
PUB DATE: January 9, 2024

[Andrea · Rating 2 out of 5]

I apologize in advance for this unpopular opinion…

Respectfully, can someone tell me on what planet this memoir was written? I did not recognize any of the characters as human, not the helpful husband, not the unintrusive grandparents, not the supportive boss, not the easygoing coworkers, not the extended family who asks for nothing, and certainly not the faultless kids. At one of their lowest moments, everyone gets snippy with each other at the airport while returning from an aunt’s funeral. The parents lovingly decide to get food to bring some respite to their “hot mess” of a family.
Let me tell you, I aspire to this definition of hot mess.

I really want to be supportive and positive here because a mental health struggle is a mental health struggle without the need to compare depth of traumas. If this story resonates with you, that’s great! Hopefully there is something here to provide footing in whatever direction you need, especially if that might be finding a good therapist or the right medication as in the story.

Maybe I’m also here to tell you something this book won’t: wanting the people you live with to make the mental effort to act like decent humans isn’t toxic perfectionism.
You are not overly anxious if you’re tired of excuses for bad behavior.
If your spouse or kids are inconsiderate, ask if medicating yourself will fix that.

Will embracing a “bless this mess” outlook teach your kids to clean up after themselves? Will a new yoga class help your family to arrive places on time? I was hoping this book would look beyond the daily episodes of maternal frustration and start to ask what it is about our lifestyle creates the need for mental health support? Why is it the only narrative being sold to burned-out moms that WE are the problem?

[Kari Ann Sweeney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dear Julie,

If you and I were sitting together sharing a glass of something delightful this is what I'd tell you.

I would tell you that 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 was a 5 , all-the-superlatives kind of gift.

I'd gush about how your audio narration felt like I was having a conversation with you.

I would share that when I was 10 I took a summer school class called 𝘉𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘍𝘶𝘯 and learned all the intricacies of baseball record keeping. I get you.

I would tell you that Chapter 20 was such a lightbulb moment that I listened to it twice, back-to-back. Especially the last paragraph.

I would confess that I laughed at your humor just as much as I empathized with the tears.

I would commiserate about how I gasped "YES!" to nearly every book you referenced.

I would tell you my only regret is listening during a drive vs. while working a jigsaw puzzle. Long live jigsaw fans. I get you.

I would give you a high-five for organizing your books by color. Same.

I would try, and perhaps fail, to properly communicate how proud I am that you shared your candidness, vulnerability and insight. I am better because of it.

I'd tell you how excited I am for other women and mothers to experience their own lightbulb moments via EVERYONE BUT MYSELF.

Love,
Kari

[Neely Alexander · Rating 5 out of 5]

As soon as I saw the title and cover for this book, I just knew that, as a wife and mother, I'd feel seen in my deepest parts through Julie Chavez's words. This book is both deeply, uniquely personal while also resoundingly universal. There were so many beautiful, raw, and/or honest lines I stopped to reread. I recommend this book to every multi-tasking woman on the planet.

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating memoir with many aha moments.. very relatable. Loved this book. Best memoir read so far this year.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gentle and tender exploration of setting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm. 🧡

[Shannon (The Book Club Mom) · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s not very often that I see glimpses of myself in a memoir. I can’t even tell you how many times I nodded my head, smiled, giggled, sighed, and frowned (all in solidarity and understanding) while reading Everyone But Myself by Julie Chavez. As a mother and primary caregiver living with anxiety, Julie’s words definitely spoke to me. I think most mothers will be able to relate to Julie in one way or another, and even see themselves in these pages. Everyone But Myself begins with a panic attack, and develops into a mental health crisis as Julie tries to understand, cope, and alleviate her debilitating anxiety. It was a wake-up call to make herself a priority. Like a lot of moms, her own well-being took a backseat to everyone else’s. Julie goes on a personal journey to remedy that, and find tools and resources to help her feel like herself again. I appreciated Julie’s reflections on motherhood, marriage, and modern family life. It made me feel seen, understood, and most importantly, not alone. The similarities to my own life were seriously astonishing. Thank you, Julie for your courage and strength in sharing your story with us. It’s opened my eyes to changes that I can make in my own life. Yours is a story that I will think of often. For real. Everyone But Myself releases on 1/9/24! I highly recommend it!

[Basic B's Guide · Rating 4 out of 5]

The audiobook is narrated by the author. She's easy to listen to and feels like a friend.

This was a quick listen that will resonate with many. For anyone that feels overwhelmed at times, anxious or prioritizes everyone but themselves.

Like many mothers, Julie ran herself ragged trying to meet everyone's needs until a panic attack forced her to change her ways.

4.25 stars

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was hard to relate to personally. But I can see how some readers would love it.


⭐️⭐️💫

[Hilary (Melted Books) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this straight through without stopping. I simply couldn’t put this down. One of my favorite kinds of books are memoirs that shine a bright light on the anxieties and inner panicking that are a part of domestic life (which can sometimes spiral into anxiety and depression), especially from the point of view of a household partner and/or parent, and this book is just that.
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Julie Chavez’s book is a memoir on burnout, prioritizing everyone’s needs before your own, and pulling yourself up from the ground when you know you need to be better at taking care of yourself. But it’s so much more, too. This book interweaves moments in Chavez’s life, marriage, career, therapy, and experience as a mother to demonstrate just how heavy life can be, the toll it will inevitably take on you, and the feeling of achievement that is possible when you seek help.
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This book hit all the right notes for me. I loved Chavez’s authentic voice, her vulnerability, and the aptly described moments of mind-numbing frustration when communication in a domestic partnership cracks. I also admired her writing on the unexpected challenges of grief/loss that life indiscriminately may throw at you.
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Here are my favorite quotes:

“When had I stopped doing things that made me happy simply because they made me happy? I had shared this dawning realization with Kim. ‘I’ve neglected myself,’ I told her. ‘But it’s been convenient for everyone else, so no one has thought to stop me.’” (Ch. 20)

“I wanted desperately to believe that the right choices would insulate me from pain. But at the same time, I knew that nothing could protect me from the harsh reality of the world. Shit happens. All the time. Even to the best people, the most loved people. Beautiful lives can be smashed to smithereens in a thousand ways.” (Ch. 32)
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I’m so glad I picked this up. I’m not a parent, but I felt strongly validated by Chavez’s frustration and panic about her anxiety. This made me feel so seen and understood.
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Thanks to Libro.fm and Zibby Books for providing me with early access to the audiobook! This comes out January 9, 2024.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A school librarian and boy mom shares her struggles with anxiety and depression and how she learned how to ask for help, start medication, prioritize herself and embrace 'adequate' over 'perfect.'

Very relatable and perfect for fans of authors like Jenny Lawson. This debut memoir was also great on audio narrated by the author herself.

Highly recommended for anyone going through their own mental health challenges and needing a sign that it's okay to not be okay and there's no shame in asking for professional help.

Many thanks to @librofm and Zibby Books for a complimentary ALC in exchange for my honest review!!

[Kasee Baldwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a naturally anxious person and a mother, this memoir really spoke to me.

It was achingly vulnerable, while still being hopeful and joyful. Julie is a wonderful writer, and I so appreciate her sharing her story, and helping so many of us feel seen. It's a heartbreakingly beautiful reminder to care for ourselves, to take it little by little, and to cling to the good.

Thank you to Zibby Books and NetGalley for the e-ARC in exchange for my review. I will be working with Zibby Books on pencils for this title, and am excited to share them.

[Leslie - Shobizreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chavez’s memoir is honest and relatable. The memoir starts out with her solidly in the midst of the middle years of raising kids and attempting to re-engage with working outside the home. This is where I found myself several years ago and nobody had talked to me about how difficult that adjustment would be for me, my spouse, our marriage and just my mental health. I wish I had had this book, back then.

I listened to the audio book which is read by the author and I highly recommend it. Also - can we talk about how relatable the cover image is for all the moms in the room, regardless of what their work looks like. Chavez addresses her anxiety, the root causes and how she manages it.

Conversations about the mental work of running a home, family and parenting is not something that was talked about openly for the first 10-15 years of my marriage and so I appreciate everyone who continues to open up this conversation in real, authentic and productive ways.

I found myself nodding along - agreeing with several of her points that I too learned the hard way through living my life. Thanks @librofm for the ALC that kept me company through laundry and commuting this week.

[Eileen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can imagine this book helping a lot of people!

[Maggie Pittman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Any mom who has felt like they have too much on their plate or struggles to prioritize self care will get something out of this book. An easy read, a few tears and several quotes I wanted to save because of how well they captured my life stage.

[Jen Bradbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

This made me feel really seen.

[Mary C · Rating 3 out of 5]

I related to this book a lot. It was a nice, average easy read

[CatReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. In Everyone But Myself, Julie Chavez writes a memoir about losing touch with her own voice in the midst of exerting all of her time and attention on being the best possible mother, wife, and daughter. She writes honestly and candidly about her journey through depression and anxiety in her late 30s, and how over several years she managed to find effective help through therapy and medication, while rediscovering and reprioritizing herself along with her family. This memoir is well-written, fluid, and a quick read/listen -- nothing particularly novel, but I can see how this book would be encouraging and inspiring to her target audience.

Further reading: mental health memoirs
Inferno: A Memoir of Motherhood and Madness by Catherine Cho (post-partum psychosis)
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon
Lab Girl by Hope Jahren (mental health isn't the main focus, but the author talks about managing her bipolar disorder quite impactfully)
Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susanna Cahalan (anti-NMDA receptor encephalitis initially misdiagnosed as an acute mental health disorder)
The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness by Elyn Saks (schizophrenia)
The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays by Esmé Weijun Wang

My statistics:
Book 193 for 2024
Book 1796 cumulatively

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

In this memoir, author Julie Chavez recounts the year in which she could no longer juggle her busy life as a working mom trying to do everything for everyone and developed a full on anxiety disorder complete with panic attacks.

I feel like the reviews I read of this one emphasized the relatability of being overwhelmed by mom life, and somehow I missed the fact that it really was about serious, clinical anxiety. I’d describe myself as a functionally somewhat anxious person, but with lots of friends and family members with more serious anxiety problems. And so I have to say, reading this book actually made me feel kind of anxious myself! That’s a testament in many ways to Chavez’s writing, that really puts you in her mindset, but it also meant it was a bit tough for me to read at times. There were a lot of great quotes and some good advice though.

3.5 stars

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for my copy (out now); all opinions are my own.

[Brynn Petermann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every woman and every mom should read this book! It was so honest and so real. The burnout of trying to be perfect and trying to take care of everyone is something a lot of woman experience. Julie talks about recovery and spells it out but not in an over simplified way. Reading this was like doing yoga, taking a bath or listening to birds chirp while you sip your coffee! If you read it, let me know if you agree.

[Heather Karg · Rating 2 out of 5]

Remedial and shallow.

[Mary Prather · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Depression is an ill fitting garment that looks different on everyone.”

@juliewriteswords narrates her own memoir, Everyone But Myself, and it is honest, touching, raw, and ultimately - hopeful.

Julie finds herself thrust into a very heavy season of life. She has young children, a husband who travels a lot, a new job - oh, and they have recently moved.

Couple all those things with sickness of other family members, and she finds herself struggling with anxiety and depression.

I could relate to nearly every bit of this story - as I think many moms will be able to do as well. Postpartum depression, a move, the loss of a parent, then another - and another. We had quite a “season” in our family and Julie’s story reminds us it is ok to simplify, rely on your friends, seek therapy, and do what it takes to get your head above water.

@juliewriteswords - I think I am probably 10 years older than you, and from my experience, the way you modeled getting help and walking your boys through hard things honestly will greatly benefit them in later life. Learning compassion, humility, and that life can be HARD sometimes serves to strengthen our children’s character and relationships.

This is a worthy book. Thankful to @zibbybooks and @librofm for the complimentary influencer audio.

[Aubrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This resonated with me so much that I felt she was telling my story.

What if we could all get psychological help when we needed it?

What if we could all learn to take care of ourselves as well as everyone else instead of only everyone else?

It turns out the author ALSO loved “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.” What are the chances that I would have finished that book right before reading this one and then she mentions it totally offhandedly? I’d say those chances are pretty slim and yet here we are.

[Susie Schmaeling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny how sometimes the right book just finds you. I picked this up at the library not really thinking too much of it, maybe it’d just be another self-help sort of book… but I was surprised by how many connections I had to the author, Julie. Helpful to hear someone else navigate their mental health issues and recognize the challenges that come with that.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the first page of this book, I felt a connection to Chavez. Although her kids are younger than mine, I understand her story because much of it I feel like I have lived myself.

[Maggie Murdock Nichols · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have twice said, “Who told me that?“ and proceeded to share about Julie’s experience. This book felt like a conversation with a friend. She tells the story of her first panic attack and unfolding anxiety. It was really relatable! I listened to an ALC copy.

[Sonya Loyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was not on my radar at all but highly recommended by a fellow book clubber-- and available at the library! Surprised me that it was a memoir. I think this is a wonderful peek into a life dealing with a full plate and struggling with mental health.
Listened on audio and tried to remember a line that I felt was really powerful. Here's what I remembered:
Starting a journey (to feel better) on an empty tank is like pushing your car for the first 5 miles.
Highly recommend-- thanks Kari!

[Cameron Rhoads · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overly dramatic and artificial. Mom learns to take time for herself and not freak out about everything. Yawn.

[heather | booksbyheath]

a great portrayal of crippling anxiety x depression

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5