I Didn't Survive: Emerging Whole After Deception, Persecution, and Hidden Abuse

by Naghmeh Abedini Panahi, Eugene Bach

It’s hard enough having a painful secret that you are terrified of sharing.

It’s even harder when you find yourself in the international limelight as the advocate wife of a Christian hero imprisoned for his faith.

The worst part is fearing that, if you did share this secret, it might devastate the lives of your family and close friends, alienate tens of thousands of active supporters, and cause persecuted people around the world to become even more vulnerable.

Naghmeh Abedini Panahi lived in constant tension from the irreconcilable realities playing out in her own life, in her family life, in the conduct of others, and on the worldwide stage as she interacted with power brokers and well-known religious leaders. Tension honoring God versus being carried away by the tide of circumstancesPersonal reality versus public personaGenuine faith versus hypocritical religionTruth and caring versus the end justifying the meansObedience to God versus loyalty to othersFor Naghmeh, it all came to a breaking point, and the only way through it was to die. Not physically, but in experiencing a death and rebirth in her understanding of God, her faith, and her identity as a woman. “I can't tell you how I was able to make it through, because I didn’t,” she writes. “Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, the new me emerged from the catastrophe of my marriage.”

I Didn’t Emerging Whole After Deception, Persecution, and Hidden Abuse is Naghmeh’s firsthand story, which takes you from war-torn Tehran to the quiet Midwestern U.S. to the halls of power in Washington D.C. It vividly describes the Islamic upbringing that shaped her, her unexpected conversion to Christianity, and the events that led to her marriage to Saeed Abedini, a magnetic pastor in the Iranian underground church. The book details Saeed’s arrest and imprisonment for preaching the gospel, her fateful decision to share the truth about her husband, her betrayal and abandonment by former supporters, and the new life of advocacy for women that has arisen from the brokenness.

Through the pain, abuse, and loss, Naghmeh clearly demonstrates what it means for us to find our true identity in God, discover the protective care God has for His children, and participate in sharing the love and healing He desires to bring to the world.

 

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Christian, Biography, Audiobook, Autobiography, Womens

288 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 10, 2023

Reviews

[Natalee · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are an American Christian and read one Christian book this year, make it this one. Rich in Scripture, sound in theology, brave through Jesus, Panahi confronts the despicable fruit of complementarianism run amok. This is an excellent case study on abuse in the church -- how it starts, how it's covered up and how it's handled (well AND terribly). So thankful for this beautiful sister in Christ.

[Emily Hoisington · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an incredibly good, albeit difficult read. The church needs to read this book. Those with church hurt need to read this book. Women need to read this book. Men need to read this book.

I so greatly admire Nagmeh for her vulnerability and courage in sharing the behind the scenes story of the free Saeed movement and her heart for women and the abused. This is an important story because church hurt, trauma from purity culture and Christian domestic abuse is unfortunately so prevalent today and people need to know that while they cannot ever be the same after such trauma, God can bring healing and hope to their lives. Nagmeh didn’t survive, but she did experience freedom because as she pointed out, Jesus is interested in saving individuals- not institutions, even when those institutions include churches and marriages.

“I can't tell you how I was able to make it through, because I didn’t,” she writes. “Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, the new me emerged from the catastrophe of my marriage.”

We have gotten so many things wrong as a church when it comes to domestic abuse and this book was incredibly helpful for me to understand Gods heart toward it.

Though years ago, I prayed like many for Saeed to be freed from prison, I’m so grateful that God was working amidst our ignorance to free his own wife from him.

[Lena Morrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was excellent! I remember telling others about Saeed and seeking (in my own meager teenager way) to tell others about his situation. I was so sad when Nagmeh said he was abusive and unfaithful, and I didn’t want to believe it. At first, I’m ashamed to say, I don’t think I did fully believe her, until his behavior online got suspicious. But now, the truth is out. It’s sad and disturbing, but her faith and the loyalty of God are what make this story worth reading.

[Sherri McDermott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Transparency: I previewed this book for the author before it was released . No, we do not know each other personally but I am acquainted with her through her international advocacy for her former husband & social media.

I recommend this book for everyone but especially for “ministry leaders & counselors”. They (& we) should understand “trauma” is another beast. Abuse causes trauma. It is not only physical. It is the emotional/psychological/financial and spiritual control of another. It is insidious and is an epidemic in our Christian culture in America. Abuse IS covenant breaking.

Naghmeh lays out her life story in such a beautiful way & God’s hand is evident throughout. Her experience of coming to understand her own abuse is so common in Christian circles where we are (often unsafely) counseled to “save the marriage at any cost”. She kindly lays out the truth of her experience showing what IS and is NOT helpful guidance from within the church/Christian culture. God does not call us to accept abuse. He calls us to live a life of love. She owns her mistakes with humility. I cried tears of sadness for the things she & her family lived through. I cried tears of gratitude for God’s obvious grace, protection, provision & ongoing intimacy throughout Naghmeh’s life. She is devoted to Jesus & puts God first as best any human can.

I pray God will get this book to all in church leadership & reveal to their spirits what “life saving safe counsel” looks like for Christians experiencing marital abuse.

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him. Isaiah 30:18

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened on hoopla, and was glad to learn that the author narrates it herself. Her command of English falls a little short but I liked hearing her tell her own story. Her story itself is moving, inspiring, challenging. He passion for Jesus and for sharing the Gospel is inspiring; her slow adaptation to marriage to an abusive man was heartbreaking. It challenges me to think of her husband being someone that the Lord used to bring people to faith - even as he seemed to be a narcissist and even evil in some capacities.
The story of her finally speaking truth about her home life and the fallout from that was moving as well. The final chapter and epilogue were good, to hear how she interprets her past experiences with the Iranian government, as an advocate for releasing her husband from prison, in her marriage, and the various responses to her final admissions about abuse in her marriage. And that God has shaped her through these experiences to know how to speak up and advocate for women who are being mistreated by those in authority.
I don’t do as well with audiobooks as with actual physical books, which may be why I didn’t rate this higher. Not sure. It felt overly long and detailed and even repetitive. But her story itself is one that is eye-opening, inspiring and a warning to the American church.

[Emily Petersen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really admire Naghmeh's courage, and her passion for helping women suffering from domestic violence.

This book was difficult for me to read, because so much of it continued to point to how God was using her husband, even as he beat her bloody, mentally tortured her, and watched pornography, claiming it was God's will.

This man was clearly as evil as he was charismatic, and I am concerned that we continue to confuse charisma and charm with the work of the Holy Spirit. I think this is happening to many organizations, certainly not just the Iranian house church. However, in this story it was a particularly horrible juxtaposition of claiming the work of Christ in a situation that was just dangerous and evil.

I look forward to seeing how her perspective changes as she grows in faith and clarity. It takes a long time to heal. ♥️

[Jacqueline Fish · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heard her speak at forest hill and her talk was so full of scripture I assumed so much about her faith and confidence in Jesus. Verses poured out of her with no effort. Amazing to hear this story. Her witness to me left me anxious to put more of gods words in my heart via memorization and that continues to be a blessing to me. A lot of the details were very personal and I felt a little uneasy at times hearing them. I can imagine it was a comfort for her to be able to share so openly.

Her ending critique about churches in buildings vs in houses is really worth the whole read.

[Addie · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute must read.

[Carol Stewart Leasure · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! A great read about God’s love and a woman’s abuse by her Christian Iranian husband.

[Shauna Vaughan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Complex and honest. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Christina Pauze (is in a reading slump) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Naghmeh’ story was raw, convicting, detailed and covered multiple issues.

First we start with how Naghmeh came to the faith. I was very interested in this because she talks about Iranian politics and culture. Both the good and bad in a place that no one from western civilization would probably be able to appreciate.

I loved how she broke down the tensions in Iran. In a way it reminded me of colorism in Africa. A lot of people think that “America is racist” (it is not) and want to go back to their ‘homeland’ only to be rudely awakened with colorism. Which results in people in Africa, India and other places that really do discriminate and encourage things like bleaching the skin - because they really don’t get any jobs any other way.

Later in the book Naghmeh’s husband Saeed, actually does bring this up, saying that she is too dark and ugly for that reason and fat etc … but I loved that Naghmeh added all of these details and her personal thoughts and conviction at the time instead of in hindsight. This is not a fictional book, but because of this approach it read like a story sometimes that had planned plot points, it was so well organized.

If you are newer to reading autobiographies, I would suggest starting with this one.

The book is already a testimony on how to be strong in your faith, because Naghmeh’s parents were not Christian when she and her brothers converted at a young age. But by the end of the book, these scary moments seem to fade (like a vapor) as we see these parents come to Christ and be her foundation through the tougher times to come

Because of the rawness of the book we also see how the cultural differences between naghmeh and western Christianity lead her. For example when we first see Saeed and he says that he will be marrying her, he says that it is a vision from God but also says that he is not attracted to her. This is a huge red flag and this is before Saeed was able to gaslight her, but I find that in the Muslim faith there is a lot of emphasis on dreams and visions, so they’re more easily accepted at face value when converting over to Christianity as well. (a good example is seeking allah by nabeel qureshi when he speaks of the vision of glowing strings that brought him to a church or group of Christians [i can’t remember], God will meet us where we are though, but it is still important to use scripture to ensure that this is from God). Because in Naghmeh’s case she was so starstruck with Saeed as a man of God and also serving God herself (at this point he also did pump a lot of promises in her head and also saw a lot of growth in the faith that freed many Muslims) that she couldn’t see the contradictions or turned an eye away from the for the “greater good”. By the end she explains how she was so consumed that the concept of being an abused wife had never crossed her mind. This blindness was severe and it was fascinating to see how she was thinking through each stage to better understand people in these situations.

Throughout the book as we meet and learn more about Saeed, as disgusting and cruel as he is, we also are viewing him through the eyes of a wife who still loves him and wants things to work out. She was patient, leaning on God and worked like a dog — and don't’ even get me started on her in-laws -_-

But we also get to see how well Saeed is with his words. He is a gifted man but he is also prideful. On page 197 we see a letter from Saeed, and while I was reading it, I forgot who wrote it and found myself saying Amen, because what he had written WAS TRUE:

Maybe you ask, what is the secret of being happy in such a hard situation? Forgiveness and a change of attitude.

When we forgive, we become free and we become messengers of peace and reconciliation and goodness. And whoever stings us, we can take into our embrace and love them. And in this dark and evil time, we can live full of love and full of peace and full of joy and shine like the stars! Glory be to His name.

I forgave the prison doctor who did not listen to me and did not give me the medication that I needed. I forgave the interrogator who beat me. Every day when I would see the interrogator and for the last time when I saw him, I forgave him. I smiled at him and with respect shook his hand, and I said my goodbye. The minute I forgave them and loved them, the second I was filled with unspeakable joy. I saw in the eyes of the interrogator that he had come to respect me, and as he was leaving, he could not look behind him. Love is as strong as death.

We have to get rid of the poison in our body because if we don’t, we will die. We have to get rid of both poisons: first the poison of the snake that bit us and also the poison in us that we created by that bits. We can get rid of the first poison by forgiveness, and we can get rid of the second poison by humility, by dying to ourselves, and allowing the Band-Aid of love and goodness to replace the empty place of the wound. So that we are not a tool of darkness and revenge, but that we can be light and love and a vessel of forgiveness, and we can be transformed in the process. [...] So forgive [them] and us the antidote of love and be victorious!

I loved that she shared so much of who Saeed was both the good and the bad. I found this to be very ironic. But as we follow the story Naghmeh gives all the glory to God, especially when we see prayers being answered. Like when Naghmeh see a diamond ring and wishes that one day Saeed would give her one of these rings as a symbol of how much he cherishes her (still hoping one day her marriage will be pure) but then she corrects herself and says that she actually prays that one day she can have ring like that to give to her daughter, so that she can know that she is cherished by God and doesn't’ have to wait until marriage to feel that way. And literally that same day or next day a woman gives her a diamond ring (her wedding ring) and says it is for her daughter.

There were so many moments like this! And near the end we focus more on Naghmeh herself reflecting on the idols of her life. The idol of financial security, of marriage and more. And I loved how she commented on the constitution of marriage and compared it to the sabbath. That the sabbath was made for man and not the other way around; when the pharisees were angry with Jesus for healing on the sabbath.

This is a paraphrase but Naghmeh explained how God hates divorce, but he hates the destruction and violence towards his children even more. Saying how marriage was made for husband and wife not the other way around.

The context was when she saw that she had lost everything in Christian groups when she came forward about the abuse and was told to keep it quiet and if she didn’t she was hurting the church, which is mind boggling to me!

I gave this book 4.5/5 just because near the end she starts talking about female leaders in the church and encouraging it, which goes against scripture. I know that usually when women are in charge it is a punishment because the men are unable to do what God calls them to do. She explains as well that having female leaders in Iran is because there are so many suppressed women so it is appealing to these women to finally come to Christ. Although I see where she is coming from, I don’t agree because scripture doesn’t agree.

But extending grace, she doesn’t really clarify what she means by a “leader”, but we do see that when Naghmeh is ‘leading’ it isn’t as a pastor, it is just as a teacher helping with scripture so they can go and open their own churches, so she may be referring to that too, but it is never made clear.

The last three chapters are more so commentary of what she has learned about the western church that needs to change, including the attitude of pastors being bondservants instead of ‘kings’ for lack of a better term (which Saeed was after as well).

There were a lot of topics covered in this book. Would definitely recommend.

[Vanessa Olson · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of this book was very compelling. Naghmeh suffered greatly for many years at the hands of her husband who is by all accounts a horrible, cruel person. Her recounting of her growing up years, early marriage and the beginning of her husband's arrest and imprisonment were very interesting and well written.

By the end of the book though, she becomes very preachy about everything she dislikes about the American church (specifically what she calls "building churches," she is apparently now a home church advocate, and most of the final chapter is her complaining about churches having buildings.). She takes zero responsibility for how she misled Christian leaders and believers all over the world, taking their time and their money, but then complains about how she believes they don't give enough to others. While I understand you can't fully grasp a situation like this until you've lived it, I do think much of what she did was wrong, considering how awful her husband is.

At the end of the day, I wish she had stuck to the story of her life and stayed away from giving these opinions.

[Sara Fleeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our family and church joined in the vigils and prayed fervently for Saeed while he was imprisoned all those years ago. Naghmeh spoke at our women’s event at our church and my family prayed for theirs over the years, all the more as more and more details emerged- details that only scratched the surface of the truth. It was heart-wrenching and eye-opening to read Naghmeh’s journey in full detail, and I am in awe of the courage it took to put it into words, and the ways in which God has used her story for good. I give this book a hearty 5 stars and strongly recommend it to everyone, but especially those who belong to the American church. We can and must do better in our compassion towards those who Christ loves- those who are persecuted for their faith and those who are victims of domestic abuse.

[Luann Habecker]

pg 120 "Saeed was not perfect, but, in my eyes, his passion for ministry and talent covered a multitude of sins." ??

pg 95 members of the Aryan race, which is actually where the name Iran comes from. The word literally means "land of the Aryans." Iran is called Persia in the Bible...

pg 89 sin always starts off small and innocent. It never declares its real intentions. It whispers to us, "This is okay. It is not really that bad. You will surely not die." Sin shrouds itself in the bright lights of pleasure and joy. It announces its arrival with innocence and promises unending bliss.
This sin is only temporary?

pg 161 Baba knew that pressing charges against Saeed would only create problems with immigration for Saeed.
We are seeing a progression, assault/abuse/destruction. only going to get worse

pg 164 We were living in an alternate universe where sin and the divine coexisted.

pg 168 lonely and isolated. I hated myself for being so needy. I wanted to cut out the part of me that needed Saeed. Making deals with myself that I would not talk to him unless he talked to me first...my plan failed. It always failed. i was so much stronger in my fantasies that I ever was in reality. Saeed was simply better at the game that I was because he didn't play it. He actually didn't care. Ignored me.

serious weaknesses in our marriage? ups and downs? hold on to what we did have? -sigh, You never had a marriage

pg 179 I believed him. I needed to believe him. I was unable to face it.

pg 181 All i had left in me was the ability to feel pain

pg 194-5 I couldn't read his words. Such toxicity, the way he can speak and manipulate. the persona he can take on and off. and then she says "in prison Saeed was being transformed into the man that God had called him to be." NO! he was just continuing to play at this part, this façade of his. Golly!

pg 204 But it being in God's hands doesn't mean that mine have to remain idle-it is in His hands but He has chosen to move His hands through us-through our lives, our mouths, and our hands.

pg224 "Saeed's time in prison initially brought the two of us closer to God, closer to each other that we had ever been before in marriage." exhales.... an illusion "Saeed had grown into the man I had always dreamed of" yikes!

pg 238 I was living in a silent bubble, unable to tell anyone what I was going through (divorce)

pg 240

pg 245 I found myself losing my reputation but gaining my freedom

pg 248 Responses from other supporters were mostly painful. At best, people were silent about the matter.
other people felt that by speaking up about the abuse I was damaging the cause of Christ, giving the church a bad reputation with the world.

pg 252 where we could work on our marriage. sigh, no marriage to work on.
you cannot go through counseling with an abuser before the abuser goes through counseling for abuse. that counseling needs to happen separately.

pg 258 it takes two people to make it work-not in abuse.
the way that many churches had been dealing with abuse for centuries. i was the one who had been abused but I was expected to make things better for the abuser. I was the one who had to compromise.

pg 262 if an institution that God has set up-marriage or the church itself-to shield, provide for, and serve people is harming them instead, that that institution is no longer submitted to God and he calls us to rescue the individuals who are being harmed.

pg 269 The Christian community is often unified in helping oppressed believers escape persecution but Christians are often hesitant to help an abused woman leave her marriage. Again, they are afraid to touch the institution of marriage even at the cost of the person who is wasting away in it.

pg 284 even what I think of myself cannot define me. Only God defines me.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Naghmeh has a secret. She knows down deep she should tell someone about the abuse she suffers at the hands of her husband, Pastor Saaed. In public he is charming and charismatic, taking every opportunity to share Jesus in Iran. In private, though, he changes into a man who beats and kicks his wife, is unfaithful to her, watches pornography in an escalating manor and ignores her pleadings to please be the husband God wants him to be.

The book was hard to read. Some of the scenes were almost unbelievable. That fact is why I gave it 4 stars. Even while he was abusive towards his wife, Saeed continued to win many people for Christ. The stories are all true, but it seems far fetched to crediting a man for good deeds while ignoring the bad ones. There were people who knew what Saeed could be like--people within the church.

This book also opened my eyes to celebrity Christians, those who in the US drive expensive cars, live in expensive houses and build large churches. The behavior of Franklin Graham is appalling. I definitely lost respect for him. Even his own sister (Anne Graham Lotz) told Naghmeh that Franklin would not be a good listener. Sad.

Every Christian should read this book. Every church leader should read this book. It exposes how the church in America generally treats women. It exposes how abuse is covered up. It also exposes how people you thought were friends in the church will turn on you in a minute.

[Scarlet · Rating 4 out of 5]

This details the author’s life from growing up in Iran to advocating for the release of her imprisoned husband to her current life after coming out against his abuse. I had followed her story when it made headlines after her husband was arrested in Iran for his Christian faith in 2012. Shortly before his release in 2016, information was leaked that she had suffered physical, emotional, verbal and spiritual abuse at his hands. At the time, I felt duped because I also had spent time advocating against his wrongful imprisonment and sentence which he was unlikely to survive. This book explains in great detail how and why the abuse was covered up initially and the circumstances surrounding its revelation. I share most of her views regarding the church culture’s role in often covering up abuse. I appreciated that Naghmeh narrated her own book, but my only critique would be that it would’ve been better if it were more conversational and less like she was reading someone else’s story.

[Misha · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far as the content and author herself go, this book earns five stars. I highly recommend this book. It shows several unique aspects of Christian life that are rarely written about - the rapidly-growing, persecuted church in Iran, abuse within Christian marriage, and the varied ways government and Christian leaders respond to those things.

Sometimes the book felt a little short on explanations of what Naghmeh was feeling or thinking - sometimes I didn't understand why she did something. I don't think I can explain any of these without spoilers so I won't elaborate, but there were quite a few instances when her actions seemed illogical and we weren't given any inner thoughts. At the time she made most of these decisions I realize she wasn't thinking very clearly, but since the book was not written at the moment of great stress, I feel like some retrospective interpretation would be possible.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I attended several prayer vigils many years ago for Saeed and was impressed with Naghmeh's strength and courage. I believed Saeed had been unjustly imprisoned in Iran and Naghmeh was fighting for a kind, loving, godly husband and father. Sadly this was not the case. Saeed was narcissistic, charismatic, controlling, immoral and horribly abusive, mostly to Naghmeh, but to many others as well. I'm not sure if I felt more duped by hearing that Saeed was not the person we believed him to be or the fact that the abuse was covered up all the time many of us were praying for his release.

While the book is painfully difficult to wade through, it is good to hear the whole story. I feel more understanding of Naghmeh's situtation now, but am still dismayed that others who knew Saeed had a terrible temper didn't step in and prevent him leading in ministry or even think to ask her if she was okay. I'm disappointed that Saeed was portrayed as someone who was used by God to share the gospel and worked for the church when he clearly was manipulative and cruel. God can use anyone and anything to advance the gospel, but please don't call Saeed a Christian when he was clearly doing things that were blatantly evil. I believe Naghmeh has emerged whole and admire that she has been willing to tell her story. I'm sure she is a blessing and help to others living through abusive relationships.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Panahi writes her story with a vulnerable, faith-filled, detailed, courageous, and respectful voice that reveals authenticity within the context of history and her world. It is a tragic, but ultimately triumphant and hopeful story that is important for anyone who has experienced any level or form(s) of abuse and manipulation to read. It is equally important and relevant for church leaders (or aspiring to be) church leaders or any fellow encouragers of Christ to read! Her experiences should challenge and inspire the church body to be more fearless in evangelizing, fellowshipping, worshipping, and bringing the dark things to light (Eph 5:11-14).

[Summer Moeller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is invaluable because it pulls back the curtain on hidden abuse, gives insight on the thoughts and emotions of a victim and because it boldly but lovingly reprimands how often the church handles abuse.
So often victims are asked, "Why didn't you speak up sooner?" (It's an unnecessary question.) Reading this will help you understand the tangled web of emotions and the psychological bondage that abuse produces.
Naghmeh is so courageous, and I applaud her for writing this book about her own experiences to help the church respond abuse in a more Christ-like way and to help other women recognize and escape abuse.

[Kristen Foster · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book. I had the opportunity to read it before it's release on October 10th. I couldn't put it down. I read it in 2 days. Naghmeh's journey through pain, to healing is so honest, profound and life changing.

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[Faith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This book is an incredible, unexpected story of God's redeeming love.
Naghmeh Abedini Panahi was born in Iran to a Muslim family, and this story highlights her journey to Christianity (beginning in Iran,) to ministry work, to marriage, through domestic violence and abuse, and finally, to healing.
The story of her marriage and abuse is not a comfortable one to hear about or read; yet one that both religious and non-religious people need ro know.
Naghmeh's brave testimony presents a timely message of faith, loss, abuse, and ultimately hope, healing, and recovery through Christ Jesus.

[Sabrina Schlabach · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s hard to rate a personal memoir, but this book is compelling, astounding, and thought provoking. It caused me to ask myself the questions: How can someone be so passionate about serving God and converting people to Christianity, yet be so unable or unwilling to deal with their own sins? How does the church help women that are dealing with abuse? And what is my role now that it has been brought to my attention?
This is a book I’d recommend to anyone (age 16+).

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this on audio, read by the author. It’s a hard read due to all that she went through. But stories like Nagmeh’s need to be told and while I’m sad that she endured abuse for so long, I’m glad she finally spoke up and shared what her life with Saeed was really like. I think this book, and other survivor stories, are important for us to read. Life isn’t always what it seems on the outside.

[Elizabeth Mulhern · Rating 5 out of 5]

powerful testimony

I couldn’t put this book down! I saw Naghmeh speak at Calvary in Philadelphia, and we were all so moved listening to her. I’ve been a follower of hers since, even advocating for her abusive husband’s release. I was equally shocked about his outcome and the harm he caused her and her family. I wish her and her children health and happiness.

[Samantha Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Naghmeh Abedini Panahi writes passionately about her faith, the house churches in Iran, and also about the abuse she endured at the hands of her pastor/husband. I have witnessed how the church treats abused women and the neglects women who are forced to flee their marriages and homes. I highly recommend this book.

[Katie McGee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Naghmeh has an incredible story that needs to be heard. This was a hard read at times, but so important. It covers many topics that need to be addressed such as domestic violence, physical/psychological/sexual/spiritual abuse, mental illness, the persecution of Christians, the need for reform in the Church, and the sovereignty and faithfulness of God through it all.

[Pam · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent portrayal of a recovery from both persecution and abuse

Nagmeh tells the story of her marriage, persecution and abuse and how she overcame - and grew into a new, stronger woman. Her description of learning that her marriage was abusive was eye-opening as so many think that the abused always inherently know they are abused. Well worth the read.

[Regina · Rating 4 out of 5]

A truly powerful story of the redemptive power of God. It thrills me to hear what God is doing in Iran! And it's astonishing to me that God could use someone like her husband, Saaeed to spread His Word even though he was living a life of sin. I wish Nagmeh could have implemented boundaries sooner, but I'm thankful for where she is today.

[Nan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook read by the author. Very good. Having heard her speak this brings clarity to her stories and growth. May she continue to be used for His good and to help bring change so that women and children can get free from spiritual and etc. abuse.

Once again “purity culture” teachings lead to sexual, emotional, religious and physical abuse and lack of ability to see glaring red flags.