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Healing Your Church Hurt: What To Do When You Still Love God But Have Been Wounded by His People
If you’ve been part of a church, you have probably suffered a “church hurt”―or know someone who has. Maybe the pastor had an affair or the congregation fought over money or the leaders were disguising gossip as “prayer.” Stephen Mansfield knows how it feels. Though he is now a New York Times bestselling author, he was a pastor for more than 20 years, and he loved it―until he learned how much a church can hurt. Yet he also learned how to dig out of that hurt, break through the bitterness and anger, stop making excuses, and get back to where he ought to be with God and his people. If you’re ready to choose the tough path to healing, Mansfield will walk you through it with brotherly love, showing you how you can be better than ever on the other side of this mess―if you’re willing to start Healing Your Church Hurt. Previously published as ReChurch .
192 pages, Paperback
First published February 17, 2012
57 people are currently reading
137 people want to read
About the author
Stephen Mansfield
96 books158 followersStephen Mansfield is a New York Times bestselling author and a popular speaker who is becoming one of the nation’s most respected voices on religion and American culture. He is also an activist in a variety of social causes.
Stephen was born in Georgia but grew up largely in Europe due to his father’s career as an officer in the United States Army. After a youth filled with sports, travel, and mischief, he was recruited to play college football but turned down the opportunity when a Christian conversion moved him to attend a leading Christian college.
He earned a Bachelor’s degree in history and philosophy and then moved to Texas where he pastored a church, completed two Master’s degrees, hosted a radio show and began acquiring a reputation as a popular speaker of both depth and humor. He moved to Tennessee in 1991 where he again pastored a church, did relief work among the Kurds in Northern Iraq, served as a political consultant, and completed a doctorate.
It was during this time that he also launched the writing career for which he has become internationally known. His first book on Winston Churchill was a Gold Medallion Award Finalist. He also wrote widely-acclaimed biographies of Booker T. Washington and George Whitefield as well as a number of other books on history and leadership. In 1997, the Governor of Tennessee commissioned Mansfield to write the official history of religion in Tennessee for that state’s bicentennial.
In 2002, Stephen left the pastorate after twenty fruitful years to write and lecture full-time. Not long afterward he wrote The Faith of George W. Bush, which spent many weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and won numerous national awards. The book also became a source for Oliver Stone’s internationally acclaimed film W, which chronicled Bush’s rise to the presidency.
This international bestseller led to a string of influential books over the following eight years. Stephen wrote The Faith of the American Soldier after being embedded with U.S. troops in Iraq. He also wrote about the new Pope in Benedict XVI: His Life and Mission. His book The Faith of Barack Obama was another international bestseller and was often a topic in major media during the presidential campaign of 2008. To answer the crumbling values of portions of corporate America, he wrote The Search for God and Guinness and soon found himself speaking to corporate gatherings around the world.
Stephen continues to write books about faith and culture—recently on topics like Sarah Palin, Oprah Winfrey and America’s generals—but beyond his writing career he has founded The Mansfield Group, a successful consulting and communications firm, as well as Chartwell Literary Group, a firm that creates and manages literary projects. Together with his wife, Beverly, Mansfield has created The Global Leadership Development Fund, a foundation that sponsors leadership training and networking around the world.
In recent years, Stephen’s popularity as a speaker has nearly eclipsed his reputation as a bestselling author. He is often to be found addressing a university gathering, a corporate retreat or a fundraising banquet and stirring his audience with the humor and storytelling that have become his trademark.
Mansfield lives primarily in Nashville, Tennessee, with his beloved wife, Beverly, who is an award-winning songwriter and producer. For more information, log onto MansfieldGroup.com.
Stephen was born in Georgia but grew up largely in Europe due to his father’s career as an officer in the United States Army. After a youth filled with sports, travel, and mischief, he was recruited to play college football but turned down the opportunity when a Christian conversion moved him to attend a leading Christian college.
He earned a Bachelor’s degree in history and philosophy and then moved to Texas where he pastored a church, completed two Master’s degrees, hosted a radio show and began acquiring a reputation as a popular speaker of both depth and humor. He moved to Tennessee in 1991 where he again pastored a church, did relief work among the Kurds in Northern Iraq, served as a political consultant, and completed a doctorate.
It was during this time that he also launched the writing career for which he has become internationally known. His first book on Winston Churchill was a Gold Medallion Award Finalist. He also wrote widely-acclaimed biographies of Booker T. Washington and George Whitefield as well as a number of other books on history and leadership. In 1997, the Governor of Tennessee commissioned Mansfield to write the official history of religion in Tennessee for that state’s bicentennial.
In 2002, Stephen left the pastorate after twenty fruitful years to write and lecture full-time. Not long afterward he wrote The Faith of George W. Bush, which spent many weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and won numerous national awards. The book also became a source for Oliver Stone’s internationally acclaimed film W, which chronicled Bush’s rise to the presidency.
This international bestseller led to a string of influential books over the following eight years. Stephen wrote The Faith of the American Soldier after being embedded with U.S. troops in Iraq. He also wrote about the new Pope in Benedict XVI: His Life and Mission. His book The Faith of Barack Obama was another international bestseller and was often a topic in major media during the presidential campaign of 2008. To answer the crumbling values of portions of corporate America, he wrote The Search for God and Guinness and soon found himself speaking to corporate gatherings around the world.
Stephen continues to write books about faith and culture—recently on topics like Sarah Palin, Oprah Winfrey and America’s generals—but beyond his writing career he has founded The Mansfield Group, a successful consulting and communications firm, as well as Chartwell Literary Group, a firm that creates and manages literary projects. Together with his wife, Beverly, Mansfield has created The Global Leadership Development Fund, a foundation that sponsors leadership training and networking around the world.
In recent years, Stephen’s popularity as a speaker has nearly eclipsed his reputation as a bestselling author. He is often to be found addressing a university gathering, a corporate retreat or a fundraising banquet and stirring his audience with the humor and storytelling that have become his trademark.
Mansfield lives primarily in Nashville, Tennessee, with his beloved wife, Beverly, who is an award-winning songwriter and producer. For more information, log onto MansfieldGroup.com.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
March 27, 2012
If you are part of a church (and you should be), sooner or later you are bound to experience a ‘church hurt.’ Everyday wounded people leave the church never to return because of their woundedness and others’ jerk-face jerkiness. Trust me, I know. I have struggled to not be bitter at big-ego-pastors, manipulative back-stabbers, gossips and dismissive deacons. All too common and par for the course for many churches. I could tell you stories, my own and friend’s stories, about how churches discriminate, dehumanize and destroy people. Clearly there are major problems.
In Stephen Mansfield’s interesting book, he quite intentionally doesn’t address any of the problems we find in church. You could read this book and the circumstances at the First Church of Senior Pastor Overcompensating may actually not change at all. Mansfield’s purpose is a little more basic: he wants to help you heal and fix what you can inside of you, so you could rejoin the fold of God’s people. From his own experience of church hurt and that of others he interviewed, he discovered:
No matter how petty the cause is, every religiously wounded soul I encountered was in danger of a tainted life of smallness and pain, of missed destinies, and the bitter downward spiral. And every soul I encountered had the power to be free, for each of them, no matter how legitmately, was clenching the very offense or rage or self-pity or vision of vengance that was making life a microcosm of hell (10).
So he wrote this book to help people move past their wounds, their pain and anger, their church hurt, to a place of healing, forgiveness and freedom.
Mansfield examines examples of betrayal and hurt from church history, the Bible and his own experience and reflects on how to manage betrayal and wounds without letting it poison your personal and ecclesial life. He offers helpful advice, provides questions to help people sort through how they are handling their wounds, and help them learn from the experience and he attends to possible spiritual dynamics and directs people on how to re-engage the church after experiencing wounds (possibly a different church, but not necessarily).
I wouldn’t say that this is the most insightful book, but I really appreciate Mansfield’s focus on helping people move on and not let their ‘church hurts’ keep them from giving and receive love in the body of Christ. Certainly at different points in my own journey, a guide like this could have been helpful and may have guided me through some difficult circumstances.
Thank you to Tyndale House for providing me a copy of this book for the purposes of this review
In Stephen Mansfield’s interesting book, he quite intentionally doesn’t address any of the problems we find in church. You could read this book and the circumstances at the First Church of Senior Pastor Overcompensating may actually not change at all. Mansfield’s purpose is a little more basic: he wants to help you heal and fix what you can inside of you, so you could rejoin the fold of God’s people. From his own experience of church hurt and that of others he interviewed, he discovered:
No matter how petty the cause is, every religiously wounded soul I encountered was in danger of a tainted life of smallness and pain, of missed destinies, and the bitter downward spiral. And every soul I encountered had the power to be free, for each of them, no matter how legitmately, was clenching the very offense or rage or self-pity or vision of vengance that was making life a microcosm of hell (10).
So he wrote this book to help people move past their wounds, their pain and anger, their church hurt, to a place of healing, forgiveness and freedom.
Mansfield examines examples of betrayal and hurt from church history, the Bible and his own experience and reflects on how to manage betrayal and wounds without letting it poison your personal and ecclesial life. He offers helpful advice, provides questions to help people sort through how they are handling their wounds, and help them learn from the experience and he attends to possible spiritual dynamics and directs people on how to re-engage the church after experiencing wounds (possibly a different church, but not necessarily).
I wouldn’t say that this is the most insightful book, but I really appreciate Mansfield’s focus on helping people move on and not let their ‘church hurts’ keep them from giving and receive love in the body of Christ. Certainly at different points in my own journey, a guide like this could have been helpful and may have guided me through some difficult circumstances.
Thank you to Tyndale House for providing me a copy of this book for the purposes of this review
June 24, 2022
Okay, so….this wasn’t a bad read per se, but it just didn’t really connect with me and the church hurt I’ve experienced.
The issue with this book is that a lot of it does feel like victim blaming. He makes it clear from the beginning that he is not the reader’s therapist but more of a “coach”, but all the while there is still no real acknowledgement or validation of the reader’s hurt.
He makes some good/interesting points on the state of our bitter hearts and forgiveness, but for those who have suffered spiritual abuse it falls a little flat and dry. I think what is most important is staying away from the “this is also your fault” mentality for this specific type of church hurt, which I felt he didn’t touch on or acknowledge.
August 10, 2012
What to do when you still love God but have been wounded by His people
As a longtime church member, pastor and planter, I read this book with my own baggage and expectations. Baggage as a person who has been hurt by God’s people and expectations as a planter in striving to minimize future hurts.
What I found was a book that doesn’t seek to change the church, or those who have hurt you. This writer clearly has one goal. To coach those who have been hurt to a place of greater maturity. A place where one can learn to co-exist with immature people in an imperfect environment and not be disappointed or crushed any longer.
Like a tough high school coach putting together a winning team, Mansfield pushes his reader forward. He reminds us of many past church leaders wrongfully persecuted. He demonstrates the disappointment of many in today’s church and even shares of his own shattered dreams. Then he ruggedly instructs us to get back in the game.
With solid coaching comes genuine counsel. I found myself surprised to realize my propensity to “sail above” problems in my church life rather than connect with people authentically. Escapism, denial, personal baggage, fears and our own lacking vision all are dealt with neatly. I doubt any reader could survive this book without beginning to see their own faults exposed.
Any good coach knows the secret to winning is not striking back, but in executing your game plan to the best of your ability and this author makes that plain. In the end we find exactly what we should have expected. The church may not change, but our expectations should.
I highly recommend this book to every pastor and church leader. For those seeking maturity in Christ I believe this book will toughen your resolve for the days ahead and help you to coach others. I do hold some reservations on whether the more immature believer will truly respond to the high calling this book suggests.
Some may want to keep their hand in the candy machine and refuse a walk to Emmaus with the Master. For this reader all I can say is “I’m letting go”.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from its publisher in exchange for this review.
As a longtime church member, pastor and planter, I read this book with my own baggage and expectations. Baggage as a person who has been hurt by God’s people and expectations as a planter in striving to minimize future hurts.
What I found was a book that doesn’t seek to change the church, or those who have hurt you. This writer clearly has one goal. To coach those who have been hurt to a place of greater maturity. A place where one can learn to co-exist with immature people in an imperfect environment and not be disappointed or crushed any longer.
Like a tough high school coach putting together a winning team, Mansfield pushes his reader forward. He reminds us of many past church leaders wrongfully persecuted. He demonstrates the disappointment of many in today’s church and even shares of his own shattered dreams. Then he ruggedly instructs us to get back in the game.
With solid coaching comes genuine counsel. I found myself surprised to realize my propensity to “sail above” problems in my church life rather than connect with people authentically. Escapism, denial, personal baggage, fears and our own lacking vision all are dealt with neatly. I doubt any reader could survive this book without beginning to see their own faults exposed.
Any good coach knows the secret to winning is not striking back, but in executing your game plan to the best of your ability and this author makes that plain. In the end we find exactly what we should have expected. The church may not change, but our expectations should.
I highly recommend this book to every pastor and church leader. For those seeking maturity in Christ I believe this book will toughen your resolve for the days ahead and help you to coach others. I do hold some reservations on whether the more immature believer will truly respond to the high calling this book suggests.
Some may want to keep their hand in the candy machine and refuse a walk to Emmaus with the Master. For this reader all I can say is “I’m letting go”.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from its publisher in exchange for this review.
January 14, 2022
I enjoy Mansfield’s writing style. I also enjoyed some insight he provided into reflection on church hurt. However, I was less than pleased, and outrightly horrified, with some elements on the book.
First, I do not appreciate the blatant dismissal of one’s hurt. Now, granted I am a therapist who has been through spiritual abuse as well as I specialize in helping others through spiritual abuse. And Mansfield is clear he is a coach not therapist. Yet, regardless of being a coach or therapist, acknowledging one’s pain is a step in helping someone heal. Helping someone grieve his or her loss, especially in the church world, is important. I do not get that at all here.
Secondly, when Mansfield overtly states “…you must own your foolishness in over trusting, over-lauding, and over resting in…humans premised to do….Will you at least consider just a moment that your pain is partly your fault?” I took a book swallow of a cup-o’-nope! Talk about trashing someone’s pain! I am well aware of the humanity of the church. I am well aware that people are jacked up and we are the ones running “the church.” But I will not consider any of someone’s cruelty, abuse, acts of narcissism, as my fault. Not would I even think to state a client do so!
Thirdly, I am astonished at his nonchalant way he addresses those who have been victimized by the church and it’s leaders. Still calling on the reader to take responsibility for his/her hurt, he states, “…our hurt always triggers our ‘victim mode.’ The fog of our sense of injustice is so thick that we cannot see our actions for what they are.” Would he willingly say this face to face to the child who was sexually abused by the youth pastor, to the congregation who has been under narcissistic leadership and told they are but scum of the earth, to the church leader who was ousted because she helped change addicts lives?
Lastly, let’s not forget that those who call themselves believers, followers of Christ, are called to reflect Christ. Therefore, I SHOULD be able to trust, not with reckless abandon as I do Christ, them as fellow servants of my Savior. Then why is my “fault” when I am hurt because I chose to see the best in someone who claimed to be a follower of Christ? Why is my hurt dismissed and diminished? I recognize the fallen humanity we are all a part of. But if I claim to follow Christ, I do choose to adhere to 1 Cor. 13, Matt. 28, and all other commandments and truths God has given. Why can’t I trust another believer to do the same? Not twist God’s word to hurt and harm others.
The church hurt realm he maybe should have left to therapists or pastors who are picking up the pieces of the wounded. While he may be a fantastic writer of other nonfiction best sellers, this is not one of them.
First, I do not appreciate the blatant dismissal of one’s hurt. Now, granted I am a therapist who has been through spiritual abuse as well as I specialize in helping others through spiritual abuse. And Mansfield is clear he is a coach not therapist. Yet, regardless of being a coach or therapist, acknowledging one’s pain is a step in helping someone heal. Helping someone grieve his or her loss, especially in the church world, is important. I do not get that at all here.
Secondly, when Mansfield overtly states “…you must own your foolishness in over trusting, over-lauding, and over resting in…humans premised to do….Will you at least consider just a moment that your pain is partly your fault?” I took a book swallow of a cup-o’-nope! Talk about trashing someone’s pain! I am well aware of the humanity of the church. I am well aware that people are jacked up and we are the ones running “the church.” But I will not consider any of someone’s cruelty, abuse, acts of narcissism, as my fault. Not would I even think to state a client do so!
Thirdly, I am astonished at his nonchalant way he addresses those who have been victimized by the church and it’s leaders. Still calling on the reader to take responsibility for his/her hurt, he states, “…our hurt always triggers our ‘victim mode.’ The fog of our sense of injustice is so thick that we cannot see our actions for what they are.” Would he willingly say this face to face to the child who was sexually abused by the youth pastor, to the congregation who has been under narcissistic leadership and told they are but scum of the earth, to the church leader who was ousted because she helped change addicts lives?
Lastly, let’s not forget that those who call themselves believers, followers of Christ, are called to reflect Christ. Therefore, I SHOULD be able to trust, not with reckless abandon as I do Christ, them as fellow servants of my Savior. Then why is my “fault” when I am hurt because I chose to see the best in someone who claimed to be a follower of Christ? Why is my hurt dismissed and diminished? I recognize the fallen humanity we are all a part of. But if I claim to follow Christ, I do choose to adhere to 1 Cor. 13, Matt. 28, and all other commandments and truths God has given. Why can’t I trust another believer to do the same? Not twist God’s word to hurt and harm others.
The church hurt realm he maybe should have left to therapists or pastors who are picking up the pieces of the wounded. While he may be a fantastic writer of other nonfiction best sellers, this is not one of them.
December 11, 2018
The author advises the reader up front that he's not there to be a friend, but to be a coach. Honestly, it seems to me that he's been listening in to every painful conversation about church and church people that I've had with my spouse for the past several years, and there is no doubt he's been reading my journals.
Having endured his own fiery trial, he has unique understanding of church betrayal, rejection and isolation. He is refreshing in that he acknowledges what most pastoral and Christians writers won't ~ that some pastors, some local churches and quite a few denominations these days are toxic. Sometimes we are better off leaving.
He explains the unique trauma involved in church hurt, in part because Christians expect to be able to trust fellow believers. He also addresses how these deep wounds affect a person's ability to relate to Scripture, trust God, or serve effectively in the next "faith family."
However, after a minute of two of empathy, he's in coach mode. He pretty much rips off the band aid, scrapes off the scab(s) and calls on Scripture, common sense and good theology to encourage church hurt Christians to choose healing, seek wisdom, examine themselves and the situations, consider God's sovereignty, forgive, pray for their enemies, and move on to do the work God has given them to do.
This book thoroughly addressed my church hurt issues. It was a fairly quick read, could have been edited a bit for further clarity, but is a straight forward and worthwhile read for those who love God, but aren't crazy about His people. (BTW: Mr. Mansfield reminds us that we can't diss the Bride of Christ, so dig in and do the hard work of healing.)
Having endured his own fiery trial, he has unique understanding of church betrayal, rejection and isolation. He is refreshing in that he acknowledges what most pastoral and Christians writers won't ~ that some pastors, some local churches and quite a few denominations these days are toxic. Sometimes we are better off leaving.
He explains the unique trauma involved in church hurt, in part because Christians expect to be able to trust fellow believers. He also addresses how these deep wounds affect a person's ability to relate to Scripture, trust God, or serve effectively in the next "faith family."
However, after a minute of two of empathy, he's in coach mode. He pretty much rips off the band aid, scrapes off the scab(s) and calls on Scripture, common sense and good theology to encourage church hurt Christians to choose healing, seek wisdom, examine themselves and the situations, consider God's sovereignty, forgive, pray for their enemies, and move on to do the work God has given them to do.
This book thoroughly addressed my church hurt issues. It was a fairly quick read, could have been edited a bit for further clarity, but is a straight forward and worthwhile read for those who love God, but aren't crazy about His people. (BTW: Mr. Mansfield reminds us that we can't diss the Bride of Christ, so dig in and do the hard work of healing.)
July 17, 2017
Helpful to some degree but not what I had expected. The author admits to some unnamed discretion he committed during his tenure as a church pastor for which many members of his congregation took offense. This led to his leaving the church and some deep felt feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment on his part. From my perspective, I felt like he minimized whatever his discretion might have been, and focused mostly on the reaction others had and how he worked to forgive them. Not much in the way of validating any of their feelings or acknowledgment of how or why his "indiscretion" might have been hurtful to them. Nevertheless, there is value to being able to work one's way past resentment so from that perspective I found some value in the book.
February 18, 2024
I came across this book as part of my PhD studies on church hurt and would never recommend this book to anyone trying to heal after experiencing church hurt. Mansfield takes the stance of a tough coach rather than counselor, and while I appreciate the delimitation of his role within the text, the amount of victim-blaming in this text is alarming (E.g. "Of the things your critics said, what do you know to be true?" (p. 56); "Were you clinging to anything that contributed to your church hurt?" (p. 60)"). You would be forgiven for being gaslit by Mansfield into thinking that you are the start and end of your experiences with church hurt, and if you just managed to work on yourself enough, that you would never encounter such a situation again.
While the author explicitly acknowledges "how abusive some churches can be" (p. 23), he gives no further acknowledgement of systemic issues present within churches that can contribute to religious trauma. Though that is his prerogative as an author, the tone he then adopts in mentioning the role of therapy in the healing process is dismissive at best: "If you want to talk about Mom and Dad and your dysfunctional family and how you hoped for more from the church, there are plenty of folks who have hung out shingles to have just such a conversation with you, but I'm not one of them" (p. 22). No kidding. Mansfield positions himself as an authority on helping others deal with and heal from their church hurt, referencing himself as doing so many times throughout the book, without once suggesting that therapy may be an appropriate option for those who have experienced church hurt. Given the complexity of spiritual abuse and the devastation it can cause, it seems negligent to omit such a suggestion.
The only way I can interpret this text as somewhat useful is if it were written for an audience of narcissistic perpetrators of spiritual abuse who have managed to make themselves victims of those protesting the harm they are perpetuating, in which case, the advice Mansfield gives may indeed be appropriate.
Overall, I am dismayed that the author ever considered this text to be an appropriate response to victims of church hurt. In the twelve years that have lapsed since its publication, I can only hope the author has since learned of more helpful, productive, and compassionate ways to respond to those who have experienced church hurt.
Do not recommend.
While the author explicitly acknowledges "how abusive some churches can be" (p. 23), he gives no further acknowledgement of systemic issues present within churches that can contribute to religious trauma. Though that is his prerogative as an author, the tone he then adopts in mentioning the role of therapy in the healing process is dismissive at best: "If you want to talk about Mom and Dad and your dysfunctional family and how you hoped for more from the church, there are plenty of folks who have hung out shingles to have just such a conversation with you, but I'm not one of them" (p. 22). No kidding. Mansfield positions himself as an authority on helping others deal with and heal from their church hurt, referencing himself as doing so many times throughout the book, without once suggesting that therapy may be an appropriate option for those who have experienced church hurt. Given the complexity of spiritual abuse and the devastation it can cause, it seems negligent to omit such a suggestion.
The only way I can interpret this text as somewhat useful is if it were written for an audience of narcissistic perpetrators of spiritual abuse who have managed to make themselves victims of those protesting the harm they are perpetuating, in which case, the advice Mansfield gives may indeed be appropriate.
Overall, I am dismayed that the author ever considered this text to be an appropriate response to victims of church hurt. In the twelve years that have lapsed since its publication, I can only hope the author has since learned of more helpful, productive, and compassionate ways to respond to those who have experienced church hurt.
Do not recommend.
February 3, 2021
Fast read. As someone who has already done a lot of the spiritual healing leg work he talks about, it didn't bring up anything new that I hadn't dealt with. There were parts I completely disagree with and I was ready to give it a 1 star trash rating, some ideas that I think could be very harmful to how we view people and sin in comparison to having an overcoming victory mentality. Without proper maturity and Christ identity, I fear some of what he advocates would leave readers with a 'this is as good as it gets' , kind of defeatist mentality when it comes to other people and ourselves and the power sin and 'humanity' has in our lives. That is my warning to anyone reading this book. BUT, I allow everyone to have their areas I don't agree with and I kept going. There were some great points and word images he gave in the chapter that addresses walking out forgiveness and letting go of bitterness. It would be helpful for those who haven't ever walked that process out yet and struggle with forgiveness, though, I do have a few points of variance from him on my approach to forgiveness, but he gets the basics and I think it will get people where they need to be in the end.
The part I personally found the most helpful and insightful was the last chapter where he has 3 questions and points he uses as a measuring rod, so to speak, that we can hold up to a church to see if they are a wise choice and fit for us. I found them most helpful and looking back it clears up reasons why I chose churches I did in the past, and also why I left or didn't connect with others. Made lots of sense and gives me a tool for going forward.
The part I personally found the most helpful and insightful was the last chapter where he has 3 questions and points he uses as a measuring rod, so to speak, that we can hold up to a church to see if they are a wise choice and fit for us. I found them most helpful and looking back it clears up reasons why I chose churches I did in the past, and also why I left or didn't connect with others. Made lots of sense and gives me a tool for going forward.
November 5, 2022
I give this one star for effort and sincerity. However, it was basically a non-starter for me. I bought it to help people I encounter in my work who have been abused, wronged, bullied, etc. in communities of faith. (Let it be known that I'm not bashing churches; I've been a member for decades. But like every organization with humans in it, bad things sometimes happen.) Though offering some good advice to survivors, I could never pass this book along to one of them because of its premise that God somehow chose their path for them: the bad as well as the good. I know that for some this is a comforting idea and this book may speak to them. I'm just not among them.
November 12, 2023
I really liked this and it was just what I needed when I experienced my own hurt.
Mansfield breaks down the complexities of church hurt into digestible pieces. It's not just about pointing fingers or blaming the church; it's more about understanding the dynamics and finding your own path to healing. One of the strong points of the book is Mansfield's practical approach. He gives you tools, strategies, and a good dose of common sense to help you navigate the messy aftermath of church hurt. Whether it's dealing with disappointment, forgiveness, or figuring out your next steps, this book feels like a guidebook for the real world challenges of faith.
Mansfield breaks down the complexities of church hurt into digestible pieces. It's not just about pointing fingers or blaming the church; it's more about understanding the dynamics and finding your own path to healing. One of the strong points of the book is Mansfield's practical approach. He gives you tools, strategies, and a good dose of common sense to help you navigate the messy aftermath of church hurt. Whether it's dealing with disappointment, forgiveness, or figuring out your next steps, this book feels like a guidebook for the real world challenges of faith.
January 19, 2023
This is an immensely helpful book if you have gone through wounding by fellow Christians. Like most things, the coaching he gives is easier said than done. Simply reading this book will not heal your wounds, you have to put in the work of forgiving and moving on. The book heads you in the right direction though. I think he took a couple missteps in the last two chapters, but overall it provided great context and advice if you are recovering from being wounded by Christians.
June 13, 2018
Direct and profound
He gets to the core of our reasons for conflict. I question his use of the Greek. He states that we have no Greek word for demon possessed, but we know that demons were cast out on many occasions. However his borrowed concept of “demons we know and love” is probably what drives most conflicts.
He gets to the core of our reasons for conflict. I question his use of the Greek. He states that we have no Greek word for demon possessed, but we know that demons were cast out on many occasions. However his borrowed concept of “demons we know and love” is probably what drives most conflicts.
February 23, 2012
Stephen Mansfield has given us a winner. It was with apprehension that I opened this book with the subtitle "What to do when you still love God but have been wounded by his people." I thought, O no, a book to help people wallow in their hurts whether real or only perceived. The local church gets such bad press these days, perhaps I was preconditioned to think this way. Well, did I ever get a pleasant surprise.
Never was church itself criticized. He painted, however, the realistic portrait that the Christian life is rarely lived without some church issues. This is not broad strokes really, but, I suppose, to be expected with all those imperfect people being involved who make up every church. He admitted that some church members are truly hurt at church. We pastors like to live in the cloud that says it doesn't really happen, but it does. With equal force he revealed that pastors, too, often get hurt by folks at church. I'm sure that was a shocking revelation to many church members. Then, with the greatest candor he confessed that many of our supposed hurts are petty and unbecoming of what we make of them. He did all this in just a few pages and I was hooked. I was ready to hear what he had to say.
Then the balance of the book is simply this--You are hurt in church. Whether it was real or imagined is not the issue. An analysis of the fiends who treated you so is pointless. What are you, the hurt one, going to do? You can't change it. You can't rewrite history with you being treated more justly. You really can't give your enemies their due, especially in line with your being a Christian. So, what are we going to do?
He goes through that dark process that is so easy for any of us to go through that includes hard feelings, bitterness, and finally, even things far worse. How did Mr. Mansfield effectively show us this process? He surveyed the wreckage of his own church hurt. He was a successful pastor of a growing, thriving church and one day it all blew up in his face. When he first broached the subject, I wondered if he was going to use his position as a popular writer to get his revenge. I assure you that was not the case. He never called his enemies by name, and I felt he never told us more than was necessary about them to get the picture of what was going on in his heart. No, the one he exposed with all the gory details was himself.
He went far out on the limb and started cutting. He told us what he did, how he really felt, and the thoughts that came gushing out of his mind. They were grotesque. They overshadowed what his enemies, who I imagine truly were guilty, did. Such is the cherishing of bitterness for a Christian. Our Lord has simply not designed us to be able to function fueled by hate. It's like trying to put milk in your car's gas tank. You won't be going anywhere. He risked our disliking him. He opened himself up to the critical spirit of our age. You and I have probably been here, but we haven't told anyone like he does in this book. I think his motive was to help us.
He took us through the process of his coming out of this darkness. He gratefully acknowledged some strong friends who pushed and prodded him. He spoke of false steps and false starts and clear failures. He explained that his bitterness was a multi-layered thing where he had to dig deeper and deeper to unroot it. What he said reminded me of the oft discussed concept of "pit dwelling" that I think came from Southern Baptists and has been popularized by authors like Beth Moore. In any event, the discussion is thoroughly biblical and worthy of our consideration. In the end, he showed us that it was worth whatever it cost him to leave his unreal world of bitterness. And the answer was old--forgiveness. Real forgiveness.
I give this book the highest possible recommendation with a prayer that it help many of us with a real, yet critical issue in our lives.
I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
Never was church itself criticized. He painted, however, the realistic portrait that the Christian life is rarely lived without some church issues. This is not broad strokes really, but, I suppose, to be expected with all those imperfect people being involved who make up every church. He admitted that some church members are truly hurt at church. We pastors like to live in the cloud that says it doesn't really happen, but it does. With equal force he revealed that pastors, too, often get hurt by folks at church. I'm sure that was a shocking revelation to many church members. Then, with the greatest candor he confessed that many of our supposed hurts are petty and unbecoming of what we make of them. He did all this in just a few pages and I was hooked. I was ready to hear what he had to say.
Then the balance of the book is simply this--You are hurt in church. Whether it was real or imagined is not the issue. An analysis of the fiends who treated you so is pointless. What are you, the hurt one, going to do? You can't change it. You can't rewrite history with you being treated more justly. You really can't give your enemies their due, especially in line with your being a Christian. So, what are we going to do?
He goes through that dark process that is so easy for any of us to go through that includes hard feelings, bitterness, and finally, even things far worse. How did Mr. Mansfield effectively show us this process? He surveyed the wreckage of his own church hurt. He was a successful pastor of a growing, thriving church and one day it all blew up in his face. When he first broached the subject, I wondered if he was going to use his position as a popular writer to get his revenge. I assure you that was not the case. He never called his enemies by name, and I felt he never told us more than was necessary about them to get the picture of what was going on in his heart. No, the one he exposed with all the gory details was himself.
He went far out on the limb and started cutting. He told us what he did, how he really felt, and the thoughts that came gushing out of his mind. They were grotesque. They overshadowed what his enemies, who I imagine truly were guilty, did. Such is the cherishing of bitterness for a Christian. Our Lord has simply not designed us to be able to function fueled by hate. It's like trying to put milk in your car's gas tank. You won't be going anywhere. He risked our disliking him. He opened himself up to the critical spirit of our age. You and I have probably been here, but we haven't told anyone like he does in this book. I think his motive was to help us.
He took us through the process of his coming out of this darkness. He gratefully acknowledged some strong friends who pushed and prodded him. He spoke of false steps and false starts and clear failures. He explained that his bitterness was a multi-layered thing where he had to dig deeper and deeper to unroot it. What he said reminded me of the oft discussed concept of "pit dwelling" that I think came from Southern Baptists and has been popularized by authors like Beth Moore. In any event, the discussion is thoroughly biblical and worthy of our consideration. In the end, he showed us that it was worth whatever it cost him to leave his unreal world of bitterness. And the answer was old--forgiveness. Real forgiveness.
I give this book the highest possible recommendation with a prayer that it help many of us with a real, yet critical issue in our lives.
I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
April 2, 2012
I've attended half-a-dozen churches in my three decades and I've been fortunate to leave each on good terms as the circumstances of life moved me on. This is clearly not the case for everyone. Many people have been hurt by the place that they expect to be the most safe. It is to these people that Stephen Mansfield has written Healing Your Church Hurt.
The Twitter² Summary:
If you’ve been part of a church, you have probably been hurt or know someone who has. Stephen Mansfield knows how it feels, but he also knows how to dig out of that hurt. If you’re ready to choose the tough path to healing, Mansfield will walk you through it.
The Low-down:
Mansfield immediately sets the stage for how he will address the topic with a story of a little guy named Timmy. Timmy gets his arm stuck in a vending machine. Crying and bleeding, the boy begs for help, when all along, the boy was clutching onto a Snickers that kept his arm pinned inside. Once he let go of the bar, his arm was set free. Mansfield compares Timmy’s story to the experience of people hurt by the church, but who hold on to the “Snickers” of hurt and anger. While Mansfield doesn’t go so far as to say that the reason for the hurt is irrelevant, but he does stress that our healing can’t begin until we choose to let go.
He stresses that we often have unrealistic expectations of the people we find in church. We expect people to be broken and flawed in the world around us, but for some reason, we expect the people we find in church to have everything all together. With this understanding, Mansfield encourages those wounded by the church to overcome their own hurt and come through their trial with stronger faith on the other side.
Healing Your Church Hurt has previously published as ReChurch. Although it's well written and its content is solid, it just didn't connect with me. I imagine if I'd been through a church hurt, it would be much more impactful.
The Rating:
3 of 5 Stars (A book to check out from the library, but not to own)
Disclosure of Material Connection:
I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the FTC's “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
The Twitter² Summary:
If you’ve been part of a church, you have probably been hurt or know someone who has. Stephen Mansfield knows how it feels, but he also knows how to dig out of that hurt. If you’re ready to choose the tough path to healing, Mansfield will walk you through it.
The Low-down:
Mansfield immediately sets the stage for how he will address the topic with a story of a little guy named Timmy. Timmy gets his arm stuck in a vending machine. Crying and bleeding, the boy begs for help, when all along, the boy was clutching onto a Snickers that kept his arm pinned inside. Once he let go of the bar, his arm was set free. Mansfield compares Timmy’s story to the experience of people hurt by the church, but who hold on to the “Snickers” of hurt and anger. While Mansfield doesn’t go so far as to say that the reason for the hurt is irrelevant, but he does stress that our healing can’t begin until we choose to let go.
He stresses that we often have unrealistic expectations of the people we find in church. We expect people to be broken and flawed in the world around us, but for some reason, we expect the people we find in church to have everything all together. With this understanding, Mansfield encourages those wounded by the church to overcome their own hurt and come through their trial with stronger faith on the other side.
Healing Your Church Hurt has previously published as ReChurch. Although it's well written and its content is solid, it just didn't connect with me. I imagine if I'd been through a church hurt, it would be much more impactful.
The Rating:
3 of 5 Stars (A book to check out from the library, but not to own)
Disclosure of Material Connection:
I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the FTC's “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
March 11, 2012
In Healing Your Church Hurt, Stephen Mansfield revealed the importance of forgiveness and letting your church hurts go. Most of us who have attended church have experienced some kind of offense from other Christians. The offense turns into strive and bitterness and some of us refuse to let it go. Holding on to anger doesn’t ever solve the issues in our souls. It doesn’t hurt the other person it only enslaves you. Mansfield shared a dream about his offenders standing in front of him begging for forgiveness. But he realized that he isn’t God and he isn’t the judge. He encouraged readers to let the people who hurt us out of the cages we have put them in. We can only be truly free when we choose to let the hurts go!
I would recommend this helpful book to anyone who has been hurt by a church. I have been wounded by a church and I have held onto it for many years. I made a decision to finally release my offenses that have captivated me. I can’t tell you how much freedom came when I let unforgiveness go! This book brought much needed healing to my soul. I even went back to the church I was hurt at to hear one of my cousins preach his first sermon. Before I can tell you that I wouldn’t have done that. I would have still held on to the hurts and let them control me. I even hugged some of the people that I had bitterness in my heart for. But I felt the chains of the past starting to fall! Then the next week we received a phone call and someone that I saw at church got into a car wreck and died. If I wouldn’t have forgiven the members of that church I wouldn’t have attend the service that Sunday to see this person one last time. This person wasn’t someone that hurt me but normally, I wouldn’t have even gone to that church. Everything happens at just the right time! Life is way too short to hold on to offenses that are only destroying you! Forgive and let it go!!! This book will assist you through the process of healing your church hurt!!
Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book.
I would recommend this helpful book to anyone who has been hurt by a church. I have been wounded by a church and I have held onto it for many years. I made a decision to finally release my offenses that have captivated me. I can’t tell you how much freedom came when I let unforgiveness go! This book brought much needed healing to my soul. I even went back to the church I was hurt at to hear one of my cousins preach his first sermon. Before I can tell you that I wouldn’t have done that. I would have still held on to the hurts and let them control me. I even hugged some of the people that I had bitterness in my heart for. But I felt the chains of the past starting to fall! Then the next week we received a phone call and someone that I saw at church got into a car wreck and died. If I wouldn’t have forgiven the members of that church I wouldn’t have attend the service that Sunday to see this person one last time. This person wasn’t someone that hurt me but normally, I wouldn’t have even gone to that church. Everything happens at just the right time! Life is way too short to hold on to offenses that are only destroying you! Forgive and let it go!!! This book will assist you through the process of healing your church hurt!!
Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book.
November 2, 2016
Really enjoyed this book. Lots of statistical data to back up some personal stories.
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