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The Heartbreak Years: A Memoir
A hilariously intimate memoir that gets to the turbulent joys and pains of coming of age and looking for love as a Black woman in America. In the car she’d had since high school—with the boyfriend she’d had just as long riding shotgun—Minda Honey made the cross-country drive to sunny Southern California. By the end of 2008, Obama would be president, she’d be single, and change would be upon us all. Thousands of miles away from her family and friends in the new era of smartphones and online dating, Minda navigates the treacherous waters of early adulthood and confounding relationships, steamy hookups, meet-cutes, chillingly narrow escapes, and the realization that nothing plays out quite like the rom-coms she’d bet her heart on as a teenager. She was frustrated, heartbroken, resentful—and free. Kinda. From California to Colorado to her hometown in Kentucky, Minda sets out to relaunch her life outside all that defined her adolescence. In an unflinching memoir, Minda casts her gimlet eye on her past relationships and the complicated dynamics of consent culture, gender, sexuality, race, and class. Remembering the promise and disappointments of her twenties with wisdom and compassion, this is Minda’s story of a Black woman coming into herself and changing her own world with resilience and bracing independence.
218 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2023
616 people are currently reading
3186 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 89 reviews
September 20, 2023
I really liked her voice. Her depictions of her love interests felt so real, like “I know that guy”. I wanted more of her outside dating to give her dating life more context.
October 5, 2023
I haven’t loved a memoir this much since Gabrielle Union’s We’re Going to Need More Wine ! It was the equivalent of meeting a new friend and realizing you should’ve became besties decades ago. I loved Minda’s willingness to get vulnerable and transparent about her dating life!
You can read my full review on my blog: https://www.introtoeclecticism.com/bo...
You can read my full review on my blog: https://www.introtoeclecticism.com/bo...
September 8, 2023
Like a conversation with a girlfriend
As a fellow millennial but one who had very different life experiences, it was a joy to read Minda Honey’s account of life, love, and identity. I felt like I’d had the chance to take a trip with an old girlfriend, catching up with one another about years past. Her vivid descriptions made it easy to nod in agreement or worry. Louisville, LA and Denver are their own characters in this book, and she describes them well.
There are books in which you’re sorry to finish. This is one I would’ve been happy to continue reading.
As a fellow millennial but one who had very different life experiences, it was a joy to read Minda Honey’s account of life, love, and identity. I felt like I’d had the chance to take a trip with an old girlfriend, catching up with one another about years past. Her vivid descriptions made it easy to nod in agreement or worry. Louisville, LA and Denver are their own characters in this book, and she describes them well.
There are books in which you’re sorry to finish. This is one I would’ve been happy to continue reading.
October 8, 2023
I have long loved Minda Honey's writing, since I first read one of her Longreads essays, so I've been eagerly awaiting her memoir. I was not disappointed. I love her voice, her open rawness and vulnerability, her evocative language, and spot-on way of depicting her emotions and environs.
This book is so much more than a tale of a young woman's drinking, dating, floundering, searching twenties. It is a coming-of-identity story in the context of frustrating gender and racial expectations that objectify and underestimate young, attractive, women--especially multiracial Black women.
I could relate to this book in many ways. I have much in common with the author, being biracial-- hence benefiting, sometimes unwittingly, from colorism--being female and Black--hence facing misogyny and racism. In my youth, I was also objectified by men, had my hair and features scrutinized as people demanded to know what I was--being a museum piece and trying to understand who I was through the unwanted attention. I'm even 5'3" like the author. Where we part ways is generation. As an "old Gen-Xer, I found myself marveling throughout the book at how much harder certain things have been for millennials: The first generation to rely on and navigate social media as a means to connect. The hook-up generation. The utter lack of privacy.
Honey stumbles, learns, grows, gets knocked down, gets back up, gets in way too many cars with the wrong guys before learning that she is enough, that her dream of writing is the thing that will sustain her. For her sake, I wish she'd learned that sooner. But without the heartbreak years, she might not have created this stunning volume.
This book is so much more than a tale of a young woman's drinking, dating, floundering, searching twenties. It is a coming-of-identity story in the context of frustrating gender and racial expectations that objectify and underestimate young, attractive, women--especially multiracial Black women.
I could relate to this book in many ways. I have much in common with the author, being biracial-- hence benefiting, sometimes unwittingly, from colorism--being female and Black--hence facing misogyny and racism. In my youth, I was also objectified by men, had my hair and features scrutinized as people demanded to know what I was--being a museum piece and trying to understand who I was through the unwanted attention. I'm even 5'3" like the author. Where we part ways is generation. As an "old Gen-Xer, I found myself marveling throughout the book at how much harder certain things have been for millennials: The first generation to rely on and navigate social media as a means to connect. The hook-up generation. The utter lack of privacy.
Honey stumbles, learns, grows, gets knocked down, gets back up, gets in way too many cars with the wrong guys before learning that she is enough, that her dream of writing is the thing that will sustain her. For her sake, I wish she'd learned that sooner. But without the heartbreak years, she might not have created this stunning volume.
October 6, 2023
I don’t read much creative nonfiction, but I might have to start reading more, because this book made me laugh and tear up multiple times. Some of the scenes, insights, and moments of self-reflection resonated with me personally, and even those that didn’t made me stop and reevaluate moments in my past, reconfiguring how I view them in my memory versus how I felt when they actually happened. At the same time, the writing style is very down-to-Earth, very frank, which makes it an enjoyable, unstuffy read. Overall, if you’re wanting get in to more CNF, I would recommend this as a good place to start.
January 22, 2024
I need to stop reading memoirs of people I don’t know.
I disliked the narrator/author so much that it overpowered the message of the book. I think the things she has encountered in her life are very difficult, and she has proven her strength by her ability to come out on the other side, but I could not wait for this book to be over.
I did not like the way she told her stories out of order. she jumped around time frames so often that I think it impacted the book and negative way.
I disliked the narrator/author so much that it overpowered the message of the book. I think the things she has encountered in her life are very difficult, and she has proven her strength by her ability to come out on the other side, but I could not wait for this book to be over.
I did not like the way she told her stories out of order. she jumped around time frames so often that I think it impacted the book and negative way.
October 7, 2023
"...I was still so new and already in motion. Unaware that I was never meant to be linear. That my progress in life wouldn't come in a series of checkboxes. I grow like an ocean, swelling with energy. Understanding comes in waves. Then, recedes and returns. Always bringing me back to myself, always knowing—even if I don't always understand."
October 4, 2023
This book is that friend you make in line at the club, the one whose shoes you adore and whose lipstick color you envy, but then she offers you a piece of gum and tells you to avoid the guy with the gold-hoop earrings, and you realize there’s more to her. So much more. Minda Honey is a gift of a storyteller. Her book is for everyone who’s loved or lost or fallen for a loser. It’s for 20-somethings still finding themselves and elder millennials wondering where their 20-something selves went. THE HEARTBREAK YEARS is a wholehearted bar hop through the late aughts and early 10s with someone who soon will be your wise and hilarious best friend. You’ll lust with her and hurt with her, and then you’ll fall for her in the best way and never want to let her go.
November 13, 2023
2.75⭐️this memoir is exactly what the title implies- an inside look @ Minda Honey’s young adult & adult dating life. I think that anyone who is upset about her focusing on her dating life in this memoir is missing the whole point- society makes women feel as though we are supposed to spend our lives finding a life partner rather than chasing a career & that is what Honey was trying to figure out how to combat.
Although, I don’t mind this being the focus, the book still lacked depth for me. I do appreciate her perspective as a multi-ethnic woman in America & the dialogue on that, but the book as a whole wasn’t my favorite. Specifically, I couldn’t keep up with her writing style- I never knew what state she was living in or what her career at the time was. Anyway!!! Didn’t mean to make this that long bc it’s not like I hated the book lol just not my fav memoir as of late
Although, I don’t mind this being the focus, the book still lacked depth for me. I do appreciate her perspective as a multi-ethnic woman in America & the dialogue on that, but the book as a whole wasn’t my favorite. Specifically, I couldn’t keep up with her writing style- I never knew what state she was living in or what her career at the time was. Anyway!!! Didn’t mean to make this that long bc it’s not like I hated the book lol just not my fav memoir as of late
October 8, 2023
Drinking, drinking and more drinking. A bunch of drinking, whining and poor decisions.
January 16, 2024
A hilariously intimate memoir that gets to the turbulent joys and pains of coming of age and looking for love as a Black woman in America. In the car she’d had since high school—with the boyfriend she’d had just as long riding shotgun—Minda Honey made the cross-country drive to sunny Southern California. By the end of 2008, Obama would be president, she’d be single, and change would be upon us all. Thousands of miles away from her family and friends in the new era of smartphones and online dating, Minda navigates the treacherous waters of early adulthood and confounding relationships, steamy hookups, meet-cutes, chillingly narrow escapes, and the realization that nothing plays out quite like the rom-coms she’d bet her heart on as a teenager. She was frustrated, heartbroken, resentful—and free. Kinda. From California to Colorado to her hometown in Kentucky, Minda sets out to relaunch her life outside all that defined her adolescence. In an unflinching memoir, Minda casts her gimlet eye on her past relationships and the complicated dynamics of consent culture, gender, sexuality, race, and class. Remembering the promise and disappointments of her twenties with wisdom and compassion, this is Minda’s story of a Black woman coming into herself and changing her own world with resilience and bracing independence.
I feel as though that this is one of the most honest and refreshing memoirs to date. Minda is open and vulnerable when it comes to her life. It felt like I was having a conversation with my best friend.
I feel as though that this is one of the most honest and refreshing memoirs to date. Minda is open and vulnerable when it comes to her life. It felt like I was having a conversation with my best friend.
October 19, 2023
I really enjoyed this book. I found it relatable and validating as a fellow multiracial black millennial single woman.
However, I didn’t realize until the epilogue that I wished her descriptions of her friends had more texture. All the men in her stories had fake names. Why didn’t get friends have names until the epilogue? She’d say “My work friends,” “My makeup artist friends,” “My Colorado friends.” But they never had names. All her love interests had names like Henry or …I forgot that other guy’s name.
I’m looking forward to the millennial Waiting to Exhale but a memoir by Minda Honey where her friends actually have names lol.
Some things I’ll take away:
1. How many of our love interests are distractions or part of our destiny
2. If a love interest says they’re not interested in a relationship, believe them. You don’t get extra love points for convincing them otherwise.
3. The world can be a dangerous place for a woman especially a single woman but not dating men (if you’re interested in men) as a way of protecting yourself from danger is just denying your desires.
However, I didn’t realize until the epilogue that I wished her descriptions of her friends had more texture. All the men in her stories had fake names. Why didn’t get friends have names until the epilogue? She’d say “My work friends,” “My makeup artist friends,” “My Colorado friends.” But they never had names. All her love interests had names like Henry or …I forgot that other guy’s name.
I’m looking forward to the millennial Waiting to Exhale but a memoir by Minda Honey where her friends actually have names lol.
Some things I’ll take away:
1. How many of our love interests are distractions or part of our destiny
2. If a love interest says they’re not interested in a relationship, believe them. You don’t get extra love points for convincing them otherwise.
3. The world can be a dangerous place for a woman especially a single woman but not dating men (if you’re interested in men) as a way of protecting yourself from danger is just denying your desires.
November 30, 2023
Oh my goodness I loved this book, and I had trouble putting it down. Reading it felt like having a conversation with an old friend. Minda’s memoir is so honest and, at times, raw. I found myself relating to some of her millennial dating stories; more importantly, I nodded my head every time she mentioned the importance of positive female friendships. There’s sadness in her memoir, for sure, but also a lot of hope. As for me, I’m hoping she writes another book… soon!
September 10, 2023
3.5 ⭐️
Enjoyed reading this. I got it from the Amazon First Reads for September 2023. I found it so interesting that the author lived in California and Denver. She talks through so many of her relationships, building confidence in your 20s, etc. I’d recommend it and read some of her other works if they come out.
Enjoyed reading this. I got it from the Amazon First Reads for September 2023. I found it so interesting that the author lived in California and Denver. She talks through so many of her relationships, building confidence in your 20s, etc. I’d recommend it and read some of her other works if they come out.
December 31, 2023
Minda Honey has a lot to say about love and desire. She offers a unique perspective on learning to love herself and all she has to offer the world, despite dating a series of men who seem to only love themselves, toiling in a series of jobs that are less than fulfilling, and living in a bunch of places that never feel like home. As she discovers each layer of herself, she discards the pieces that don’t fit, taking risks left and right to get closer to her essence. Oh, and she’s funny. And she writes with a clear, steady voice when espousing the challenges of being a Black woman coming of age during and after Obama’s presidency and the mental acrobatics involved in having sex in challenging situations.
September 8, 2023
Disappointed.
December 31, 2023
I really like this book. But by far the best part of the book was her epilogue. I related so much to her every single life experience. I just wish I had gotten to have mire of her epilogue.
October 13, 2023
The Heartbreak Years is a candid and deeply personal memoir that spans over a decade, taking readers on a tumultuous journey through early adulthood and the pursuit of love as a Black woman in America. The cross-country adventure from Louisville to LA and Denver not only serves as a backdrop but also breathes life into the narrative. Honey’s departure from familiarity leads to a voyage of self-discovery, heart-driven adventures, and a reimagining of love following the end of a long-term relationship with her high school sweetheart.
The narrative unfolds against the backdrop of 2008, a time of seismic cultural and political change, as Barack Obama is on the cusp of becoming president. As Honey leaves her old life behind, the book chronicles her transition into singlehood, navigating a world of evolving technology and the stark realization that real-life love stories are far from the fairy tales she once believed in.
What makes The Heartbreak Years stand out is its unapologetic honesty. Honey’s writing is both an exploration of her own experiences and a commentary on the broader societal changes that influenced her journey. As her gimlet eye uncovers the complexities of the ever-evolving landscape of modern relationships and the expectations that can weigh heavily on individuals, especially Black women, she balances moments of humour and heartache, making it a captivating and emotionally resonant read.
With a writing style that is both intimate and thought-provoking, Honey doesn't shy away from nuances, introspection and self-reflection, and her storytelling is infused with equal parts wisdom and compassion, reminding us that the promise and disappointments of our 20s are not just individual experiences but universal coming-of-age trials. Minda Honey's story is a vivid portrayal of a Black woman embracing her true self, reshaping her world, and breaking free from the moulds society had set for her.
Even if some of these stories aren’t our own (I don’t live in the USA, I’m not Black and I don’t have been single for seven years and counting), they have the power to reconfigure how we perceive our past, aligning memory with emotion and prompting a reevaluation of life’s defining moments. It’s like Honey wrote a love letter not just to those who have loved, lost, or fallen for someone undeserving but also to anyone who has been in that role at some point.
I wholeheartedly recommend The Heartbreak Years to anyone who enjoys memoirs and/or creative non-fiction that delves into the raw and unvarnished realities of life, love and identity, and is looking for a unique and genuine perspective on navigating relationships, self-discovery, and the complexities of contemporary dating.
Minda Honey has delivered a memoir that’s not just a personal account but a reflection of the times. And, most importantly, her voice is not just engaging; it’s live having a heart-to-heart conversation with a trusted companion. I found myself nodding in agreement, empathizing with her worries, and celebrating her moments of triumph.
The narrative unfolds against the backdrop of 2008, a time of seismic cultural and political change, as Barack Obama is on the cusp of becoming president. As Honey leaves her old life behind, the book chronicles her transition into singlehood, navigating a world of evolving technology and the stark realization that real-life love stories are far from the fairy tales she once believed in.
What makes The Heartbreak Years stand out is its unapologetic honesty. Honey’s writing is both an exploration of her own experiences and a commentary on the broader societal changes that influenced her journey. As her gimlet eye uncovers the complexities of the ever-evolving landscape of modern relationships and the expectations that can weigh heavily on individuals, especially Black women, she balances moments of humour and heartache, making it a captivating and emotionally resonant read.
With a writing style that is both intimate and thought-provoking, Honey doesn't shy away from nuances, introspection and self-reflection, and her storytelling is infused with equal parts wisdom and compassion, reminding us that the promise and disappointments of our 20s are not just individual experiences but universal coming-of-age trials. Minda Honey's story is a vivid portrayal of a Black woman embracing her true self, reshaping her world, and breaking free from the moulds society had set for her.
Even if some of these stories aren’t our own (I don’t live in the USA, I’m not Black and I don’t have been single for seven years and counting), they have the power to reconfigure how we perceive our past, aligning memory with emotion and prompting a reevaluation of life’s defining moments. It’s like Honey wrote a love letter not just to those who have loved, lost, or fallen for someone undeserving but also to anyone who has been in that role at some point.
I wholeheartedly recommend The Heartbreak Years to anyone who enjoys memoirs and/or creative non-fiction that delves into the raw and unvarnished realities of life, love and identity, and is looking for a unique and genuine perspective on navigating relationships, self-discovery, and the complexities of contemporary dating.
Minda Honey has delivered a memoir that’s not just a personal account but a reflection of the times. And, most importantly, her voice is not just engaging; it’s live having a heart-to-heart conversation with a trusted companion. I found myself nodding in agreement, empathizing with her worries, and celebrating her moments of triumph.
May 5, 2025
What truly stands out about The Heartbreak Years is the unapologetic honesty that flows through every page. Honey’s writing isn’t just about the trials of romance; it’s an insightful commentary on broader societal shifts, expectations placed on Black women, and the painful yet enlightening process of learning to love oneself.
As she transitions from the familiar life with her high school sweetheart to exploring the world alone, the memoir is filled with moments of both humour and heartache. It’s one of those books that has the power to make you pause and reflect on your own experiences while keeping you hooked with its authenticity.
The way Honey balances the personal with the cultural is masterful, and her introspection throughout the narrative feels like a conversation you’d have with a close friend who understands exactly what you’re going through.
I loved how Honey doesn’t shy away from addressing the nuanced realities of love and relationships—how they aren’t the fairy tales we’re often told they should be. From the shifting dynamics of dating in the modern world to the challenge of navigating technology in relationships, Honey’s journey is a wake-up call for anyone who’s ever been in love, lost it, or been left wondering where it all went wrong.
The personal growth she documents is inspiring. There’s a beauty in how she reshapes her world after heartbreak, finding both independence and a new definition of what it means to love and be loved. And even though some of her experiences might feel distant to readers in different parts of the world or different walks of life, the emotions are universal. We’ve all been in the position of questioning our worth or reevaluating who we are after a significant life event.
As she transitions from the familiar life with her high school sweetheart to exploring the world alone, the memoir is filled with moments of both humour and heartache. It’s one of those books that has the power to make you pause and reflect on your own experiences while keeping you hooked with its authenticity.
The way Honey balances the personal with the cultural is masterful, and her introspection throughout the narrative feels like a conversation you’d have with a close friend who understands exactly what you’re going through.
I loved how Honey doesn’t shy away from addressing the nuanced realities of love and relationships—how they aren’t the fairy tales we’re often told they should be. From the shifting dynamics of dating in the modern world to the challenge of navigating technology in relationships, Honey’s journey is a wake-up call for anyone who’s ever been in love, lost it, or been left wondering where it all went wrong.
The personal growth she documents is inspiring. There’s a beauty in how she reshapes her world after heartbreak, finding both independence and a new definition of what it means to love and be loved. And even though some of her experiences might feel distant to readers in different parts of the world or different walks of life, the emotions are universal. We’ve all been in the position of questioning our worth or reevaluating who we are after a significant life event.
December 25, 2023
Minda Honey is a strong writer and I found her accounts of what it is like to date men in a patriarchal society accurate and validating, and her dating experiences as a Black woman Illuminating. Honey shares what it was like to be a Black woman living in Louisville when Breonna Taylor was murdered — this was incredibly moving and, in my opinion, the strongest part of the memoir. The memoir just didn’t feel like a cohesive whole; she writes in the epilogue about how platonic love is of utmost importance to her, but no friends were mentioned throughout the memoir. It felt disjointed, like it would maybe be better as a collection of essays.
October 31, 2023
Minda details the heartbreaks of people you dated but never were in exclusive relationships in that are so familiar to dating millenials.
I would’ve loved to hear more of her insight on accepting singleness especially since she ended up in a southern state where marriage is an expectation. It was great to see that when she accepted being single and not settling for people that had some of the qualities she wanted in a partner, she truly came into her own. Embraced writing, became a professor, went to grad school, etc.
I would’ve loved to hear more of her insight on accepting singleness especially since she ended up in a southern state where marriage is an expectation. It was great to see that when she accepted being single and not settling for people that had some of the qualities she wanted in a partner, she truly came into her own. Embraced writing, became a professor, went to grad school, etc.
October 15, 2025
3 stars means I liked it.
I loved the idea behind The Heartbreak Years, but something was missing for me. I can't put my finger on it, but I think it could have been the humor. It might not have been funny enough, so at times, the shenanigans felt a bit cringe.
I often felt that some things should not have been shared, while others needed more depth. For example, Minda's binge drinking was suddenly a huge part of the memoir without build up or any background. Context was eventually given through a very small interaction with her sister near the end of the book, but it wasn't enough.
Near the end, I felt that some of our experiences should never be committed to paper unless something can be gained for the reader. Had I gained a few more laughs or been thoroughly entertained by the writer's journey, this would have been a winner. It also might have resonated with me a bit more if I were younger.
As someone who has carried a love life very similar to the one presented in The Heartbreak Years, I stand ten toes down on the Epilogue portion being 10/10, though. It was truly an incredible piece of writing. My second favorite part was the epiphany Minda gained from reading Toni Morrison, specifically, Sula . Both parts were just what I needed right at this moment. I wish I could add an extra 1/2 of a star to my rating because of that.
I hope this memoir inspires more Black women to write about love and loss without the shackles of despair, trauma and systemic racism weighing down the page. Though Minda spends time on a few traumatic personal experiences with men, and the awful effect police brutality and colorism have on interpersonal relationships and Black life, it doesn't become the center of everything.
As I read, I realized there are only one or two other memoirs by Black women that focus on dating and relationships in young adulthood without being overly serious. I really think we need more of those, and a few from the older crowd, too.
Black nonfiction needs a lot more love, a lot more humor, and a lot more whimsy. Maybe this will be the start of that.
I loved the idea behind The Heartbreak Years, but something was missing for me. I can't put my finger on it, but I think it could have been the humor. It might not have been funny enough, so at times, the shenanigans felt a bit cringe.
I often felt that some things should not have been shared, while others needed more depth. For example, Minda's binge drinking was suddenly a huge part of the memoir without build up or any background. Context was eventually given through a very small interaction with her sister near the end of the book, but it wasn't enough.
Near the end, I felt that some of our experiences should never be committed to paper unless something can be gained for the reader. Had I gained a few more laughs or been thoroughly entertained by the writer's journey, this would have been a winner. It also might have resonated with me a bit more if I were younger.
As someone who has carried a love life very similar to the one presented in The Heartbreak Years, I stand ten toes down on the Epilogue portion being 10/10, though. It was truly an incredible piece of writing. My second favorite part was the epiphany Minda gained from reading Toni Morrison, specifically, Sula . Both parts were just what I needed right at this moment. I wish I could add an extra 1/2 of a star to my rating because of that.
I hope this memoir inspires more Black women to write about love and loss without the shackles of despair, trauma and systemic racism weighing down the page. Though Minda spends time on a few traumatic personal experiences with men, and the awful effect police brutality and colorism have on interpersonal relationships and Black life, it doesn't become the center of everything.
As I read, I realized there are only one or two other memoirs by Black women that focus on dating and relationships in young adulthood without being overly serious. I really think we need more of those, and a few from the older crowd, too.
Black nonfiction needs a lot more love, a lot more humor, and a lot more whimsy. Maybe this will be the start of that.
September 14, 2023
Minda’s memior takes me back to my heartbreak years. Something I remember with a bad aftertaste and don’t commonly look back into those years of my life. Like her, I had a lot of so-so relationships. Finding a person to marry in high school would be awesome if there just wasn't so many unknown bits. Such as…How would you know if your person liked to take vacations from work or if they prefer to be a workaholic. Do they choose to pay bills or to go into debt? Are they flexible about where they choose to move when they are out of high school? Do they end up having a daily substance abuse issue once they are free from living under their parents roof? None of these things you will have an answer to when you are both living under your parents roof. So it can be a gamble. Here are some of my favorite parts:
“As he talked, he sprinkled sand along my legs. “You have amazing thighs,” he said. “Thanks, I eat a lot of ice cream.”
“In the larger narrative of our society, AIDS is a gay man’s punishment for being too free, and an unwanted pregnancy is a woman’s.”
“I was tired of this behavior from men. What joy did they derive from being repeatedly disappointing?”
“Dating. Wedding planning. Marriage. Keeping house. All schemes to monopolize straight women’s time. Not that we have much of it left after counting calories and perfecting no-makeup makeup looks, which we apparently do to impress each other and not men. Suuuuuure. Our beauty, our intellect, our worthiness to pass on our DNA are upheld by one metric: Does a man want to commit to me for forever?”
“It’s not fair that the world’s moving on without me. I’m trying not to be bitter about it…”
"Each decade a woman enters into without a committed life partner, the further people’s views shift from seeing her as someone unlucky in love to someone who is deeply flawed—it’s your choices, your standards, your looks.”
“Your twenties are for floundering. Your thirties are for figuring it out. And your forties, your forties could be for falling in love.”
“I’ve never wanted children. I need a life I can fold up like an origami swan and float away with when necessary. Children are the opposite of that, forever unfolding.”
“…the people who choose you, who choose to be by your side, who choose you to be by theirs, are not a consolation prize. They are, and will always be, your greatest love story.”
“As he talked, he sprinkled sand along my legs. “You have amazing thighs,” he said. “Thanks, I eat a lot of ice cream.”
“In the larger narrative of our society, AIDS is a gay man’s punishment for being too free, and an unwanted pregnancy is a woman’s.”
“I was tired of this behavior from men. What joy did they derive from being repeatedly disappointing?”
“Dating. Wedding planning. Marriage. Keeping house. All schemes to monopolize straight women’s time. Not that we have much of it left after counting calories and perfecting no-makeup makeup looks, which we apparently do to impress each other and not men. Suuuuuure. Our beauty, our intellect, our worthiness to pass on our DNA are upheld by one metric: Does a man want to commit to me for forever?”
“It’s not fair that the world’s moving on without me. I’m trying not to be bitter about it…”
"Each decade a woman enters into without a committed life partner, the further people’s views shift from seeing her as someone unlucky in love to someone who is deeply flawed—it’s your choices, your standards, your looks.”
“Your twenties are for floundering. Your thirties are for figuring it out. And your forties, your forties could be for falling in love.”
“I’ve never wanted children. I need a life I can fold up like an origami swan and float away with when necessary. Children are the opposite of that, forever unfolding.”
“…the people who choose you, who choose to be by your side, who choose you to be by theirs, are not a consolation prize. They are, and will always be, your greatest love story.”
October 18, 2023
Reviewing memoirs is very different in my perspective than reviewing other forms of writing. I approach them with a totally nonjudgmental attitude; I do not challenge the author’s style, vocabulary, or honesty. In general, I believe when someone begins to share themselves, their memories and opinions, they are being authentic, unlike, perhaps, when they are being interviewed by another person. I also think that the personal, individual style is by definition enlightening. From this point of view, “The Heartbreak Years” by Minda Honey is a deeply evocative sharing of a search for place and purpose. The author is the child of an African American service-man father and the Filipino woman he married as a serviceman stationed in the Pacific. During high school she began dating a white boy who had ambitions to be a dancer, and after graduation they drove across country to California so he could follow is ambition to dance in the parades at Disney Land. Their original domicile was house sitting for his grandparents who were on an extended overseas cruise, but when the elders returned, Mindy was summarily evicted, and the boyfriend showed no intention of either following her or standing up for her. Thus began her “heartbreak years” of continually seeking “Mr. Right” by way of hookups in bars and via the electronic dating sites.
Minda is the same age as my eldest granddaughter, who has also been “unlucky in love”, though from an entirely different starting point. The author deals insightfully with the upheavals wrought by the collisions of feminism and the sexual revolution versus various sociological and political trends. Although not at all political in her own worldview, the author is keenly aware of the impact of various recent happenings, especially with respect to racial issues, and weaves them intricately into her narrative.
Minda is the same age as my eldest granddaughter, who has also been “unlucky in love”, though from an entirely different starting point. The author deals insightfully with the upheavals wrought by the collisions of feminism and the sexual revolution versus various sociological and political trends. Although not at all political in her own worldview, the author is keenly aware of the impact of various recent happenings, especially with respect to racial issues, and weaves them intricately into her narrative.
October 29, 2023
To me, Heart Break Years is a memoir version of Sula, Grey’s Anatomy, Insecure, and Their Eyes Were Watching God. In these fictional classics, I loved the messaging about true love, self love, ambition, and feminist social commentary. Minda Honey’s memoir delivers the same, but it’s the millennial true life take on these themes that I have been aching for. Minda Honey invites us to think about “which stretch of our lives we’d exchange for steady love.”
Favorite Takeaways:
(1) Minda Honey breaks down how media influenced her expectations of love in her 20s. Her introspection is so fresh and personal. Deep dives into the meet cute, subtle ways women learn to perform humility before sex, ageism in singlehood. Oh! And the way she brings it all so full circle with Waiting to Exhale ideas at the end is perfection!
(2) The theme of safety is so good, multifaceted, and meaningful.
(3) Minda Honey is a Toni Morrison stan. She quoted my favorite lines from Sula and referenced one of the most heart breaking characters of all time, Hagar from Song of Solomon.
(4) The details, the language, and the wordplay are so clever and endearing. I mean, this memoir even has titled chapters!
There is also an excellent The Stacks Podcast episode for this memoir. I recommend listening to it before you read. It’s Episode 287, released October 4, 2023.
I tandem read the e-book and the audio version. I love that the audiobook was read by the author, but I wish the publisher/audio producer had put more work into the audiobook production and sound editing, so it was more seamless with fewer long pauses.
Favorite Takeaways:
(1) Minda Honey breaks down how media influenced her expectations of love in her 20s. Her introspection is so fresh and personal. Deep dives into the meet cute, subtle ways women learn to perform humility before sex, ageism in singlehood. Oh! And the way she brings it all so full circle with Waiting to Exhale ideas at the end is perfection!
(2) The theme of safety is so good, multifaceted, and meaningful.
(3) Minda Honey is a Toni Morrison stan. She quoted my favorite lines from Sula and referenced one of the most heart breaking characters of all time, Hagar from Song of Solomon.
(4) The details, the language, and the wordplay are so clever and endearing. I mean, this memoir even has titled chapters!
There is also an excellent The Stacks Podcast episode for this memoir. I recommend listening to it before you read. It’s Episode 287, released October 4, 2023.
I tandem read the e-book and the audio version. I love that the audiobook was read by the author, but I wish the publisher/audio producer had put more work into the audiobook production and sound editing, so it was more seamless with fewer long pauses.
November 4, 2023
As relatable as some things were in The Heartbreak Years, I rate it at 2.5 stars
The timeline in this book was a disaster. It’s like telling a friend a story while you’re drunk and then you’re reminded of something else so you gotta squeeze that bit in before finishing your first thought. Even if it doesn’t make sense. You feel that urge to throw extra stuff in. It seriously was so hard to follow with all the bouncing back and forth.
This book could have easily been broken up into three parts that would have made it flow much smoother.
1. Relationships/heartbreak. Which is what I thought the entire memoir was going to be about based on the title.
2. Politics. Although this bit was rather jumbled and ended up feeling like a puzzle piece you try to force where it doesn’t belong.
3. Racism/colorism/ageism/sexism. Honestly, too many segregated issues that are huge problems in America and they were all lumped together at the end. This could have held such a higher level of importance in this book if it wasn’t rushed in the last 40 pages alongside friendship and kids and cancer.
On the plus side, while Minda may not be successful in finding romance yet, she seems to be doing very well career wise and finding out how to love herself. She also has an incredible support system that anyone could envy.
The timeline in this book was a disaster. It’s like telling a friend a story while you’re drunk and then you’re reminded of something else so you gotta squeeze that bit in before finishing your first thought. Even if it doesn’t make sense. You feel that urge to throw extra stuff in. It seriously was so hard to follow with all the bouncing back and forth.
This book could have easily been broken up into three parts that would have made it flow much smoother.
1. Relationships/heartbreak. Which is what I thought the entire memoir was going to be about based on the title.
2. Politics. Although this bit was rather jumbled and ended up feeling like a puzzle piece you try to force where it doesn’t belong.
3. Racism/colorism/ageism/sexism. Honestly, too many segregated issues that are huge problems in America and they were all lumped together at the end. This could have held such a higher level of importance in this book if it wasn’t rushed in the last 40 pages alongside friendship and kids and cancer.
On the plus side, while Minda may not be successful in finding romance yet, she seems to be doing very well career wise and finding out how to love herself. She also has an incredible support system that anyone could envy.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 7, 2023
If you asked Chat GPT to write you a memoir about a Black woman (a quarter Filipino, but she'll tell you half) sleeping and drinking her way into her thirties, this is what you'd get.
Unfortunately, The Heartbreak Years is not worth the read. In the early stages of the book, I was sure I'd give it 4 stars. Yes, this is just a book about messy hookups during the Obama years, but the world needs some of those. The author's sloppiness is nearly charming and I found her to be quite relatable. However, I really struggled to read the second half as the focus of the book was lost and the timeline was all over the place. The author delves into social commentary with all the depth of a Twitter bot. Authors, please do not feel pressured to include discussions of police brutality and colorism in your memoirs if they don't suit your theme. I've read nearly a dozen memoirs written by Black women this year, and these topics are rarely integrated well and always lack originality. In this case, the author throws it all in as an afterthought at the end. But at least she is not the type to be "preachy" about it.
The Heartbreak Years is a 2-star book, but I'm going to give it 3 because
Unfortunately, The Heartbreak Years is not worth the read. In the early stages of the book, I was sure I'd give it 4 stars. Yes, this is just a book about messy hookups during the Obama years, but the world needs some of those. The author's sloppiness is nearly charming and I found her to be quite relatable. However, I really struggled to read the second half as the focus of the book was lost and the timeline was all over the place. The author delves into social commentary with all the depth of a Twitter bot. Authors, please do not feel pressured to include discussions of police brutality and colorism in your memoirs if they don't suit your theme. I've read nearly a dozen memoirs written by Black women this year, and these topics are rarely integrated well and always lack originality. In this case, the author throws it all in as an afterthought at the end. But at least she is not the type to be "preachy" about it.
The Heartbreak Years is a 2-star book, but I'm going to give it 3 because
January 25, 2024
Struggled to stay awake... in a good way!
I recently started taking a new medication to help me sleep at night, and while I wait for my meds to kick in, I usually read.
While reading "The Heartbreak Years," I actually tried to fight to stay awake. I just didn't want to put it down! The author is so relatable in so many ways. Not only does she write like the little voice in your head, but she's unapologetic about her womanhood and sexuality, even in a world where we're always afraid we'll be assaulted (again). She writes about floundering through life to rediscover her passion because someone once told her she wasn't good enough to do what she loves. And as.if she weren't relatable enough, she writes about her struggles with being mixed race -- not being Black enough to feel comfortable speaking on the experiences of Black women, but not being Asian enough to connect with her Asian peers. She takes you through the tumultuous love life of her twenties before coming to the conclusion in her thirties that the best kind of love is the love from friends.
I can't recommend this book enough! So go read it now!!
I recently started taking a new medication to help me sleep at night, and while I wait for my meds to kick in, I usually read.
While reading "The Heartbreak Years," I actually tried to fight to stay awake. I just didn't want to put it down! The author is so relatable in so many ways. Not only does she write like the little voice in your head, but she's unapologetic about her womanhood and sexuality, even in a world where we're always afraid we'll be assaulted (again). She writes about floundering through life to rediscover her passion because someone once told her she wasn't good enough to do what she loves. And as.if she weren't relatable enough, she writes about her struggles with being mixed race -- not being Black enough to feel comfortable speaking on the experiences of Black women, but not being Asian enough to connect with her Asian peers. She takes you through the tumultuous love life of her twenties before coming to the conclusion in her thirties that the best kind of love is the love from friends.
I can't recommend this book enough! So go read it now!!
October 22, 2023
4 stars
I found the book difficult to get into, the beginning felt like the complaints of an early twenty something, that thinks too highly of themselves and doesn't have nuance of opinion. BUT, by the end Minda's thoughful and thoughtprovoking story come through in a way that made me not want it to end. I loved the book because it really captured the feeling I had of early twenties. the chapters slide through to her 30's in a way I feel I'm doing in my life.
It gives me hope that my friendships will bridge over into motherhood and marriage despite distance, in the way that Minda's have done.
One line particularly stood out for me, which was 'I need a life I can fold up like an origami swan and float away with when necessary' I've never seen the itch in your soul feeling articulated in such a way.
I do love that you can feel the language change from twenties into her fourties, and the slow language/voice change is not something I’ve experienced in a book before.
A few bits I didn’t enjoy but a few I did
ARC through NetGalley
I found the book difficult to get into, the beginning felt like the complaints of an early twenty something, that thinks too highly of themselves and doesn't have nuance of opinion. BUT, by the end Minda's thoughful and thoughtprovoking story come through in a way that made me not want it to end. I loved the book because it really captured the feeling I had of early twenties. the chapters slide through to her 30's in a way I feel I'm doing in my life.
It gives me hope that my friendships will bridge over into motherhood and marriage despite distance, in the way that Minda's have done.
One line particularly stood out for me, which was 'I need a life I can fold up like an origami swan and float away with when necessary' I've never seen the itch in your soul feeling articulated in such a way.
I do love that you can feel the language change from twenties into her fourties, and the slow language/voice change is not something I’ve experienced in a book before.
A few bits I didn’t enjoy but a few I did
ARC through NetGalley
November 18, 2023
One of Minda Honey’s mentors suggested she need not be so raunchy with her writing; I concur.
THE HEARTBREAK YEARS, by Minda Honey, was nothing like I expected. It was far too many drunken sexual encounters and not enough life living. Even if those encounters WERE her life living, I do NOT need to read the raunchy details; over and over and over again.
What I wanted much more of was her observations about life; hers and the politically charged environment in America. Her HEARTBREAK YEARS included: George Floyd, Treyvon, Breonna, Obama, Hilary, Trump. This is some of the best writing she does in the book but it’s not easy to dig out between sexcapades. Honey bounces around chronically as well as between cities; frustrating.
After putting up with the first 2/3 of drunken debauchery, the writing and story settle down as the author grows up a bit. Sadly, her writing begins to shift into overdrive and when I want expansive and expressive I find express lane and quick exit. On a positive note, the grammar is excellent📚
Read & Reviewed from a GoodReads GiveAway
THE HEARTBREAK YEARS, by Minda Honey, was nothing like I expected. It was far too many drunken sexual encounters and not enough life living. Even if those encounters WERE her life living, I do NOT need to read the raunchy details; over and over and over again.
What I wanted much more of was her observations about life; hers and the politically charged environment in America. Her HEARTBREAK YEARS included: George Floyd, Treyvon, Breonna, Obama, Hilary, Trump. This is some of the best writing she does in the book but it’s not easy to dig out between sexcapades. Honey bounces around chronically as well as between cities; frustrating.
After putting up with the first 2/3 of drunken debauchery, the writing and story settle down as the author grows up a bit. Sadly, her writing begins to shift into overdrive and when I want expansive and expressive I find express lane and quick exit. On a positive note, the grammar is excellent📚
Read & Reviewed from a GoodReads GiveAway
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