⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (reread)
''She's the other half of my unbound lust and possessiveness''
Safety warnings:
- H 30 / h 22
- No cheating
- No OM drama
- OW drama
- Attempted s*xual assault
- Violence
- Edging
- Knife play
- Cliffhanger
SPOILERS BELOW ⬇️
SPOILERS BELOW ⬇️
SPOILERS BELOW ⬇️
SPOILERS BELOW ⬇️
Be aware I will keep adding to my review until everything I can possibly think of is written down.
I need a good month to get over this book.
Did I enjoy it more than book 1? Yes
Did it hurt more than book 1? Fuck yes!
Will I send Rina my therapy bill? You best believe it.
Let's dive in because we already know this is going to be a long review and I have more feelings than I can possibly explain.
The book starts with a look at 13-year-old Kirill, and we see that he has known Adrian since he was young, and it also shows the start of the torture he went through from his father. His little brother and sister both love him, and he is super protective over them.
Right after this chapter we are back to the ending of book 1 and we see Kirill follow Sasha to Russia. He goes for two reasons: 1) He has a bad feeling about her trip and wants to make sure she is safe 2) He wants to see the ''lover'' she has and kill him.
We all know Sasha has NO lover despite what Kirill has created in his head, he is so jealous and possessive that he cannot let go of this narrative.
My theory going in was that Viktor was with him during the shooting at the end of book 1 and dies but I was proven wrong which actually made me happy as I don't wish the guy any harm! He is actually in Russia but not allowed to follow Kirill when he goes in search of Sasha.
Sasha witnesses Kirill get shot and chooses to save him over letting her uncle and grandmother kill Kirill. She takes him to the hospital and gets a hold of Viktor who joins her, asking questions she cannot answer. Kirill is in unstable conditions and almost dies but he is thankfully saved and taken back to NY after waking up and being stable enough to travel.
''Is this how I will die? Staring at these cruel eyes that I once dreamed would soften?''
BUT OF COURSE, Kirill no longer trusts Sasha, he views her as his enemy and he is absolutely pissed off with her to the point he ignores her, pushes her out of her position and his inner circle. They never speak and it's just an all-around sad time. This goes on for months until she eventually forces him to take her back and he does out of spite, but their sexual relationship is dead in the water. They have no intimacy, and he is still keeping her at arm’s length even after she is back to being his guard.
''Erasing her is nowhere near possible''
There is one scene where he attempts to use sexual methods to get her to admit to anything that happened in Russia and who shot him. He edges her the entire night, but she never gives in and that’s as far as it goes for them both.
Once she is back at his side as his guard he is off one night with his team to get a delivery at the port like usual but has a bad feeling and forces most of his men to stay back including Sasha, they get ambushed at the port but Sasha herself who had a bad feeling as well shows up while Kirill is about to be shot by a mystery man but once Sasha shows up (and shoots him in the chest, he has a bullet proof vest) they all leave and are left alone. Remembering this moment I have to say it was Yuri who was the masked guy and I bet you I am right! It just seemed so odd about how he got separated from Kirill and then this guy showed up but didn’t attack Sasha?
However, during all this separation they are both celibate as they both admit in their POVs they only want each other and nobody else matters. I love this in books - I love that despite his anger he still sees her as the only one he wants and nobody else will ever be enough nor even tried to find someone else.
Sasha is adamant on proving Kirill that she can be trusted and she truly never set him up back in Russia, months afterwards we enter a scene (if you have read the Throne duet) readers will be very aware of, it's the scene where Sasha and Rai get kidnapped by the Albanians after a shootout.
Pause to discuss the timeline, I was WAY OFF. We are told that Kirill and Sasha have known each for over a year at this point and Rai is now married to Kyle placing this timeline back to Throne Duet events and book 1 and 3 of Deception trilogy. I think my confusion came from Lia nor Jeremy ever being mentioned in book 1 and Rai having the drunk moment happen (which I thought was right after Kyle left).
Okay so up are at the point where Kirill, Damien and Rai are being attacked by the Albanians, Kirill has not relented in truly trusting Sasha even after she pledged she would protect him with her life until the end and guess what? That ''I'm sorry'' she said to him before the Albanians took her was about her being sorry she could not protect him.
When she wakes up all she cares about is whether or not HE made it out alive, her entire world revolves around Kirill and whether or not he is safe. You know damn well that Kirill feels the same. All he cares about, and we see this play out in the Throne Duet scene where he tortures the Albanian for info and also how everyone refers to his actions after she was taken.
The scene with the Albanians is also the moment Rai finds out that Sasha is a woman after she is stripped, Rai never utters a word to anyone about this BUT again from the Deception Trilogy and Throne Duet we know that Adrian and Kyle both know that Sasha is a woman, and they don't care lol so honestly I wish it would just come out so we could of avoided so much pain later.
After Sasha is rescued, Kirill makes sure she is out of harm's way and ends the Albanian's nest the entire evening. They finally go back to being intimate and I swear it took almost half of the book for them to get to this point. It was torture watching these two want each other but Kirill denying it mostly because she has become a weakness but fuck it right? But once it’s back? It’s so worth. The spice is perfect.
You can see their obsession with each other in this book. It's to the point where it's unhealthy and also toxic BUT it's mutual. Nobody means more to Kirill than Sasha does. His whole world is about her, he cannot function without her around. He cannot get enough of her; he adores her push and stubbornness. You know he loves her, but love is such a foreign concept to him that it never crosses his mind, but there are moments where he is almost realizing it but confuses it with being obsessed.
An endearing moment I will never get over is when Kirill demands Sasha give him a nickname the way he has given her one. Why? Well Sasha has a nightmare where she calls out her grandmother, uncle and little cousin with endearing Russian names BUT Anton (her long lost brother presumed dead) is only Anton and Kirill thinks that he is her lover but he is happy she didn't use a term of endearment for him like the other, so he demands she give him one to have the UPPER HAND over a GHOST haha
She does, it's Luchik.
''It's sunray. As in, the only beam of light in the darkness''
''Am I your beam of light in the darkness? Really?
''I don't know. Am I your sun?
And at this point Kirill says ''You are'' in his mind responding to her question.
She helps his sister plan his birthday and they have a surprise party for him. Sasha's gift? She tattooed his nickname above her lady bits, and he is just as animalistic/caveman about it as you can imagine. I swear does this not confirm she has NO LOVER? haha
We find out that her actual birthday is a day after his and she tells him this which a second later he gives her a bracelet that he has kept around for her, and it has engraved with her name on it. Deny you love her all you want but it’s so damn obvious.
Also, something else to note: Kirill has counted every single time they have had sex. Every. single. time.
''I fuck her as if I'll die without her''
But not everything can be perfect right? Nope.
We are at the stage where the book needs the inevitable drama, and we are about to get it. Right before that though, the two of them are having sex and he makes her promise that she is his and to never leave him which she promptly says ''I love you'' to him and he is even more adamant that she never leaves him, no matter what. So, at this point you know he did something she will not like but what?
Welllllll
A party is being thrown where everyone must attend. The party? It's an engagement party. For who? Kirill and Kristina aka Adrian's former fiancée who he was with for business and ended things with disdain from the Pakhan and Igor after he married Lia. Kristina who is Igor's daughter and Igor who is basically best friends with the Pakhan, he has massive influence for who is chosen next. And we all know Kirill wants the top position and will do anything to get it.
Sasha finding out about it the way she did in front of the world, crying her eyes out was such a dick move. I hated it, it made me super angry with Kirill. I wanted him to snap out of his ego and realize what he did was so harmful to the woman who hours ago confessed her love for him.
Thankfully, Rai sees Sasha about to break down and removes her from the room, but Sasha is beyond gone at this point she runs off. Desperate to understand why he would do this and why she means nothing.
I should mention that this scene had an intriguing moment between Konstantin and Kristina. Konstantin bolted from the area when the engagement was announced and Kristina and him shared a look. I agree with many others that these two have a secret thing going on and are most likely in love. It would be great for them both to get their own HEA, Kristina needs to stop being a pawn her father uses whenever it pleases him.
Adrian and Rai both corner Kirill (at different times) and Adrian tells him to back out of it, I think he knows Kirill and Sasha are together and knows the damage it will cause because of his own marriage being a mess for years because of shit decisions and Rai let Kirill have it about Sasha being distraught.
Kirill finds a drunk Sasha hours later demanding to be let go and wanting to know if she was allowed to be herself would he leave and choose her?
''End it with her. Choose me.''
At this point Kirill is just being an asshole and a true monster. She is shattered beyond belief, and he doesn't do anything to fix it but even suggests she must stay and basically be his mistress because Kristina is nothing but a business transaction but of course who would be okay with that? He says she means nothing, and she is actually the other woman but it’s not enough.
He tricks her into entering the basement safe room to make sure she never leaves and doesn't run off after the threats she gives him and after days of being confined goes back to see her, she basically admits that she wishes she was his wife and could be with him for everyone to see.
''Is that what you want to be? My wife?
''If I say yes, will you make it happen?
This moment causes Kirill to do something he has never done before, SMILE BIG like a weirdo and leaves right after. Another two days pass until he shows up again with a man and a suitcase. While wearing a tuxedo.....he reveals that the suitcase contains a wedding dress, lingerie and make up and shows her the two wedding rings he had made for them with the engravings of ''Kirill's'' and ''Sasha's''.
They are officially married, and she reveals her real last name and what happened to her family. Viktor now also knows that Sasha is a woman as he was a witness to their wedding. He seemed truly shocked at first, but it made more sense to him after he calmed down.
During his POV Kirill is absolutely over the moon at marrying her and cannot help but be astonished that she is his wife so yeah the end of this book hurts because of this moment. He even suggests to takes selfies with her and have pictures of their moment.
''She is my fucking home now. The only home I've ever known''
He tells her the only way it can work for them to be married to the outside world is if she goes away for 6 months and stays at a cabin he owns until he can bring her back as her guy counterpart's twin sister. She agrees and he states he will visit almost every week and eventually it will be safe to come back and have a life together out in the open and she won't need to ever pretend to be a man again.
She goes off after her goodbyes and spends the week at the cabin, Kirill messages her that he will be there tonight and she starts to get ready and a knock comes at the door during the late afternoon, she thinks it's him but it's Yuri. The quiet, calm guard who she has known since the Army and has been a massive asset and help to Kirill the entire time.
Yuri is showing her an image of Kirill at a church getting married to Kristina, and how now that Kirill knows her last name and information about her family he has found out about the truth, and he is going to kill her because he was a part of the massacre that killed her family and wait the worst part of the reveal? Yuri is Anton. Her long-lost brother. He needs her to get ready to leave now as Kirill is on his way to kill her. Sasha is in absolute disbelief and Anton tells her their marriage is a fake one and he never cared for her. He played her to get information and it was all a lie!
Now listen, I am pissed that Kirill went through with the wedding to Kristina. I am pissed that he did it behind her back and sent her away so she would not be a problem to his plans, but do I believe he doesn't care? No. His POV has been consistent about her and how he feels and after they got married, he was elated to be her husband and her his wife. He was calling her his HOME!
Do I think he has a shitty plan? Yes.
Do I think their marriage is fake? No, his marriage to Kristina is the one that isn't legal.
Did he marry Kristina to make sure he doesn’t get in trouble or ruined because he backed out? Yes since he did sign a blood contract. He is possibly going through with it to not cause any harm to his plans, but he is going about it the wrong fucking way. He is also being named Pakhan because of the marriage, which is giving him the ultimate power, in turn enough power to leave the ''marriage'' and bring Sasha back as his WIFE.
Is he involved in Sasha's family's massacre? No. He was genuinely puzzled by her story and her last name meant nothing to him. He was also investigating stuff that is probably related to her family in the beginning of the book BUT he made no connection to it the way he should if he was involved.
Is Yuri aka Anton playing Sasha? Yes. I think he has been played by his family as well, but he is so far out of it that Kirill's actions are not sitting well with him either and he has found proof of his involvement in their family’s deaths.
Here is some of my theory about the ending:
Kirill has found out about Yuri being Anton somehow, so he either thinks that Anton is in fact Sasha's lover and is attacking the cabin at the end of the book to get rid of him for even daring to go near her OR the attack is NOT Kirill but a plot to make Sasha obedient again and leave to turn on her husband.
There is also a theory going around that Sasha might be pregnant, we get a scene in the book where she noticed how she looks more “radiant”. Am I hoping she is? Yes. I actually like the pregnancy trope. Will there be a time jump between the books? Maybe?
If she is pregnant then it must mean that their kid is the white mask from the LOGs series! They would be in the same age range as Nikolai.
Also timeline discussion:
I was like I mentioned before OFF about the timeline.
The first book takes place almost 2 years or less before the events at the end of Deception Trilogy.
Rai gets married in the beginning of this book.
We witness the Albanian kidnapping which not long before Rai is pregnant and helps Lia escape Adrian but as we saw during the engagement party for Kirill and Kristina that Adrian and Lia were very much showing off their affection for one another and playfully acting in front of them too.
Which obviously means that the third book will have to be after the end of that series.
I might be wrong but I am so damn confused about it all haha
Another theory/observation:
The third books name is ''Heart of My Monster'' so this has to mean that he does have one and he will do anything to get her back? Obviously they will end up together but how far will he go to get her on his side again and what will he sacrifice for her in the long run?
I need the final book right now because I don't know how I will wait an entire month before we get all the answers and conclusions. I just want their HEA so badly and I also want him to get his head out of his ass and finally confess to her and to himself how much she means to him and how much he loves her.
This is the part where I announce I will be rereading the Deception Trilogy AGAIN this month because I need a happy ending and Adrian/Lia can provide that for me.