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The Invisible Ache: Black Men Identifying Their Pain and Reclaiming Their Power
"A thoughtful, wise, empathetic book that has the capacity to save lives. " ( Kirkus)
A moving combination of memoir, psychology, and practical tools, this book offers Black men guidance and support for reclaiming mental well-being and finding whole, full-hearted living.
Early in his career, actor Courtney B. Vance lost his father to suicide. Recently, he lost his godson to the same fate. Still, as mental health discourse hits the mainstream, it leaves the most vulnerable out of the Black men.
In America, we teach that strength means holding back tears and shaming your own feelings. In the Black community, these pressures are especially poignant. Poor mental health outcomes-- including diagnoses of depression and anxiety, reliance on prescription drugs, and suicide-- have skyrocketed in the past decade. Institutionalized racism, microagressions, and stress caused by socioeconomic factors have led Black individuals to face worse mental health outcomes than any other demographic.
In this book, Courtney B. Vance seeks to change this trajectory. Along with professional expertise from famed psychologist Dr. Robin L. Smith (popularly known as “Dr. Robin”), Courtney B. Vance explores issues of grief, relationships, identity, and race through the telling of his own most formative experiences. Together, Courtney and Dr. Robin provide a guide for Black men navigating life’s ups and downs, reclaiming mental well-being, and examining broken pieces to find whole, full-hearted living. Self-care is an act of revolution. It’s time to revolutionize mental health in the Black community.
A moving combination of memoir, psychology, and practical tools, this book offers Black men guidance and support for reclaiming mental well-being and finding whole, full-hearted living.
Early in his career, actor Courtney B. Vance lost his father to suicide. Recently, he lost his godson to the same fate. Still, as mental health discourse hits the mainstream, it leaves the most vulnerable out of the Black men.
In America, we teach that strength means holding back tears and shaming your own feelings. In the Black community, these pressures are especially poignant. Poor mental health outcomes-- including diagnoses of depression and anxiety, reliance on prescription drugs, and suicide-- have skyrocketed in the past decade. Institutionalized racism, microagressions, and stress caused by socioeconomic factors have led Black individuals to face worse mental health outcomes than any other demographic.
In this book, Courtney B. Vance seeks to change this trajectory. Along with professional expertise from famed psychologist Dr. Robin L. Smith (popularly known as “Dr. Robin”), Courtney B. Vance explores issues of grief, relationships, identity, and race through the telling of his own most formative experiences. Together, Courtney and Dr. Robin provide a guide for Black men navigating life’s ups and downs, reclaiming mental well-being, and examining broken pieces to find whole, full-hearted living. Self-care is an act of revolution. It’s time to revolutionize mental health in the Black community.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published November 7, 2023
83 people are currently reading
1755 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
January 28, 2024
The book is good, but not groundbreaking. I like that Courtney Vance shared his story of the times he experienced trauma, how he embraced therapy, and his challenges being a Black man in the acting world. Dr. Robin's part was good and provided a psychologist's advice. I believe there are better books out here on this topic. One of my favorite's is The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health: Navigate an Unequal System, Learn Tools for Emotional Wellness, and Get the Help you Deserve.
November 21, 2023
THE INVISIBLE ACHE Serves as Confirmation: To Heal Ourselves, We ALL Must Trust Someone Else
As a Black woman, I know who I call when I need to vent or rant. In America, Black men have rarely, if ever, been given the grace, the space, or the forum to express what is hurting them deeply. Black men are silenced and warned as children, "You better stop that damn crying." Yet, their pain is the same, and their need to release the hurt to heal themselves is the same. I commend Mr. Vance for digging deep and exposing his wounds to his therapist and the community of kin folk suffering from something past or present. THE INVISIBLE ACHE: Black Men Identifying Their Pain and Reclaiming Their Power is a masterful How-to Book for the Black Community and every community conditioned to give it all to God; don't tell people your personal business; keep family business private; don't take things personal; never air your dirty laundry; don't complain. Meanwhile, our secrets and discretion are making us physically ill, while some choose suicide as a way out. I always say, "The hardest thing in the world to find is someone I can trust." And I am not a celebrity. One can only imagine the courage required to reach out and pinpoint someone to share your most personal and painful memories with when the world considers you famous. This book taught me that there's no excuse. No man (or woman) is an island. If Courtney B. Vance can find a therapist and confidante, so should the rest of us. We are a community that needs to be a community to survive. We need to identify the person or persons we can trust and can talk to. The right therapist can help us endure, heal, and be that bridge to get over to the other side of the pain.
Eartha Watts Hicks
Member of the Harlem Writers Guild
NYCHA/NAACP Ambassador for Literacy
Harlem World Magazine Executive Editor
As a Black woman, I know who I call when I need to vent or rant. In America, Black men have rarely, if ever, been given the grace, the space, or the forum to express what is hurting them deeply. Black men are silenced and warned as children, "You better stop that damn crying." Yet, their pain is the same, and their need to release the hurt to heal themselves is the same. I commend Mr. Vance for digging deep and exposing his wounds to his therapist and the community of kin folk suffering from something past or present. THE INVISIBLE ACHE: Black Men Identifying Their Pain and Reclaiming Their Power is a masterful How-to Book for the Black Community and every community conditioned to give it all to God; don't tell people your personal business; keep family business private; don't take things personal; never air your dirty laundry; don't complain. Meanwhile, our secrets and discretion are making us physically ill, while some choose suicide as a way out. I always say, "The hardest thing in the world to find is someone I can trust." And I am not a celebrity. One can only imagine the courage required to reach out and pinpoint someone to share your most personal and painful memories with when the world considers you famous. This book taught me that there's no excuse. No man (or woman) is an island. If Courtney B. Vance can find a therapist and confidante, so should the rest of us. We are a community that needs to be a community to survive. We need to identify the person or persons we can trust and can talk to. The right therapist can help us endure, heal, and be that bridge to get over to the other side of the pain.
Eartha Watts Hicks
Member of the Harlem Writers Guild
NYCHA/NAACP Ambassador for Literacy
Harlem World Magazine Executive Editor
January 10, 2024
This is truly an amazing book. However, be prepared to really sit with some of the things you’ve hidden and stuffed. Although this is written for men and boys, it’s beneficial to women as well!
December 21, 2023
This book is not only important, it’s vital. Although awareness of mental health in the Black community is increasing, many of our Black brothers are still struggling. Start by spreading awareness in your own circles. Black women need protection, but I seldom hear the same from Black boys and men. We know to protect them from forces like police brutality, but what about mental health and sexual assault? Black men from a young age are taught to be tough and endure hardships on their own without any help. People often turn a blind eye when an older woman is being in appropriate with a young boy. Unfortunately, it is encouraged as opposed to an older man pursuing a young girl. Be aware of the signs and call out sexual assault (SA) when you see it and when Black boys/men show signs/open up to you.
Be a listening ear. Allow and encourage Black men to express themselves and also cry without judgement. They’re human and humans have emotions. Like the book said, there are different forms of therapy. In the Black community, barbershops and salons often serve as a safe space. While therapy is also important, allow them to come to it when they’re ready. When they are, help them find a suitable therapist/resources. Emphasize that finding the right therapist can be a challenging process, but it is our right to ensure that the therapist we choose is the best fit for us. Black men and boys deserve mental health care, and it starts in their community. It starts with Black families not turning a blind eye to SA. It starts with allowing Black boys to express their feelings without judgement. It starts by letting them know that we love them and will protect them.
Thank you so much to the authors for bringing this beautiful book into the world.
Be a listening ear. Allow and encourage Black men to express themselves and also cry without judgement. They’re human and humans have emotions. Like the book said, there are different forms of therapy. In the Black community, barbershops and salons often serve as a safe space. While therapy is also important, allow them to come to it when they’re ready. When they are, help them find a suitable therapist/resources. Emphasize that finding the right therapist can be a challenging process, but it is our right to ensure that the therapist we choose is the best fit for us. Black men and boys deserve mental health care, and it starts in their community. It starts with Black families not turning a blind eye to SA. It starts with allowing Black boys to express their feelings without judgement. It starts by letting them know that we love them and will protect them.
Thank you so much to the authors for bringing this beautiful book into the world.
July 30, 2024
This should be recommended reading for all Black men and boys. As I’ve spent the last few years redefining what masculinity is and means to me, along with my own mental health journey, finding this book couldn’t have come at a better time. It’s an easy read and full of useful insights & information. Thank you Courtney and Dr. Smith for a book that I will most definitely be recommending to my village and probably purchasing as gifts.
June 14, 2025
I found this book exceptionally enjoyable and deeply insightful. It offers a powerful perspective on the Black male experience, challenging harmful stereotypes and offering a nuanced, humanizing portrayal. One section in particular left a lasting impact—the discussion on suicide. It prompted deep reflection and challenged the language and assumptions many of us take for granted.
As the author writes:
""Commit" implies intentionality. For people who died by suicide, it was anything but intentional. I don't mean that the person didn't take action. They did, but there was no healthy intention behind it. They were trying to escape despair, grief, or life. They decided it was beyond repair. The only crime may be the terrible acts they may feel committed against them. Crimes of the soul.”
This reframing was profound. It helped me reconsider not only the words we use but also the pain so many carry silently. Overall, this is a highly recommended read—one that fosters empathy, awareness, and understanding in truly meaningful ways.
As the author writes:
""Commit" implies intentionality. For people who died by suicide, it was anything but intentional. I don't mean that the person didn't take action. They did, but there was no healthy intention behind it. They were trying to escape despair, grief, or life. They decided it was beyond repair. The only crime may be the terrible acts they may feel committed against them. Crimes of the soul.”
This reframing was profound. It helped me reconsider not only the words we use but also the pain so many carry silently. Overall, this is a highly recommended read—one that fosters empathy, awareness, and understanding in truly meaningful ways.
July 15, 2025
This book is essential. A staple. A must-read for Black men in America — especially those struggling with their mental health, but truly for all Black men, period.
The dynamic between Courtney and Dr. Robin was beautifully done. Their back-and-forth dialogue was raw, intentional, and masterfully balanced. The structure — blending storytelling, memory, psychological analysis, and healing — was executed perfectly. There was never a moment where it dragged or felt like too much. I don’t have a single complaint.
As a Black woman, I know this book wasn’t written for me, but I still gained so much from it. It offered perspective, understanding, and emotional clarity about the inner world of Black men — what they carry, what they’ve inherited, and how that pain shows up. It’s not often you get to witness vulnerability, care, and introspection like this on the page — especially directed toward Black men.
Every Black household needs this on their shelf. This will be required reading for my son and my husband one day. It’s that necessary. A powerful, unforgettable book.
The dynamic between Courtney and Dr. Robin was beautifully done. Their back-and-forth dialogue was raw, intentional, and masterfully balanced. The structure — blending storytelling, memory, psychological analysis, and healing — was executed perfectly. There was never a moment where it dragged or felt like too much. I don’t have a single complaint.
As a Black woman, I know this book wasn’t written for me, but I still gained so much from it. It offered perspective, understanding, and emotional clarity about the inner world of Black men — what they carry, what they’ve inherited, and how that pain shows up. It’s not often you get to witness vulnerability, care, and introspection like this on the page — especially directed toward Black men.
Every Black household needs this on their shelf. This will be required reading for my son and my husband one day. It’s that necessary. A powerful, unforgettable book.
September 25, 2023
Great message for anyone on managing grief and overall mental health. But it also points out that this battle is on both sides of the coin, meaning if you need support do not be afraid to ask for it and on the other side we need to truly support those that need it.
This is told from 2 perspectives; Courtney B Vance gives moving testimony of a Black man's perspective in living in the modern world and Dr. Robin Smith folds it all together with her professional guidance. So much good information on mental health and letting everyone know that you are not alone in the up's and down's that go with living. Self care is important.
I actually won this one in one of the giveaways.
This is told from 2 perspectives; Courtney B Vance gives moving testimony of a Black man's perspective in living in the modern world and Dr. Robin Smith folds it all together with her professional guidance. So much good information on mental health and letting everyone know that you are not alone in the up's and down's that go with living. Self care is important.
I actually won this one in one of the giveaways.
January 28, 2024
I appreciate Courtney B. Vance for having the courage to tell his story. I believe communication such as this is an important step in building those trusted communities to help Black men heal. I was able to understand Courtney’s perspective in a few instances and even though he’s a celebrity it helped humanize him. I gained better perspective from Dr. Robin’s insight. Some of it was the harsh reality that we may face but not want to accept while others were mantras that encouraged us to keep going.
December 27, 2024
Excellent book. As another reviewer noted, the book is not just for black males but actually for everyone. Mr. Vance exposed so much of himself and that is what really makes it so real and touching. Then Dr. Smith comes in and brings up the medical perspective that helps support what Mr Vance has experienced. Together, it's a cohesive work that more people should read, but especially Blacks, especially the Black men and the women/people who love Black men.
January 25, 2024
Useful!
So glad that this was the choice for a book club I participated in. I was reluctant, because I’m not really drawn to “self-help” books.
This was a read I needed. It has pushed me to ask some questions that I never stopped to to of myself. I think I’ll be better for me.
I encourage anyone who cares for, or about Black men to pick up.
So glad that this was the choice for a book club I participated in. I was reluctant, because I’m not really drawn to “self-help” books.
This was a read I needed. It has pushed me to ask some questions that I never stopped to to of myself. I think I’ll be better for me.
I encourage anyone who cares for, or about Black men to pick up.
January 24, 2025
Listened to audiobook and feel it was thoughtful and beautifully put together. Provided valuable perspective (personal and professional) on confidently dealing with issues in the black male mental health space. Structured in a way that is easy to read and relate to yet challenging enough to question the role you may have as an individual in the life of a black boy or man.
December 17, 2023
“The Invisible Ache” is the book you didn’t know you needed to read, reading this book gives the reader the opportunity to acknowledge it’s okay to not be okay for themselves or their loved ones. “You can’t change the past but you can change your future.
February 17, 2024
Powerful
This book came at the right time as I was dealing with someone struggling with suicidal thoughts. This book opened my eyes to how we look at people that deal with those situations
This book came at the right time as I was dealing with someone struggling with suicidal thoughts. This book opened my eyes to how we look at people that deal with those situations
February 22, 2024
This was an awesome read. I loved it being narrated by Courtney and Dr. Robin. Loved hearing how Courtney learned to deal with his trauma. I believe that his mom was instrumental in him going to counseling. Would recommend this book.
April 4, 2024
This is amazing and impactful book especially for Black men. I appreciate Mr. Vance for being transparent and vulnerable to write this book despite his family prominence/fame. Dr. Robin is great as usual! I love the “black excellence” displayed!
December 18, 2024
In so many ways this was an incredibly beneficial read for me personally and professionally. It also helped me connect my mom's death at a young age to my feelings as a Black-ness man in the world who felt alone.
January 23, 2024
Extremely thought provoking. I’m gonna rethink somethings based on this book.
February 2, 2024
If you have a black man, boy in your life; this is a MUST read!
March 15, 2024
heartbreaking and personal...narrated partially by Courtney Vance...wonderful voice...another view into other people's life experiences
March 24, 2024
This was incredibly well put together. Everyone who cares about the future generations prospering and the current surviving need to read this.
June 16, 2024
Excellent, the book provided an in-depth explanation of black men's experience of struggles with mental health issues and provided the reader with strategies to cope.
March 12, 2025
Solid book and I am happy to see more black males addressing mental health issues and problems. Nice read!
February 10, 2026
Great book for Black men who are considering getting a therapist. Very affirming and honest about the support therapy provides for Black men.
February 11, 2026
This book should be essential reading for all black men and women.
October 21, 2024
A unique book regarding the advocacy of mental health care for African American men. Vance details his family and career experiences with mental health care. The alternating chapters written by clinical psychologist Dr. Smith provide an overview of the specific challenges and needs of mental health care for men and the larger community. This excellent book is a very good resource for a book club or person who wants deeper insights in the mental health care needs for an underserved and little discussed population.
January 22, 2024
An astonishing read. Please tread carefully with some of the hurt that will need to be acknowledged, accepted and forgiven. This is a book worth reading and keeping a journal alongside it. Please read each chapter prepared for tears, anger, reflection and forgiveness.
January 21, 2024
In reading this book I acquired an expanded view of suicide and suicidal ideation. It never dawned on me that suicide could be viewed as a payback to others, who refused to see or listen to your pain. Courtney’s challenges that occurred in his life, prompted me to reflect on the fears, doubts and micro-aggressions I’ve experienced growing up as Black man, in this country. A few of the anecdotal stories were close to my own. As a result, I’ve learned that a mental health check-up is as vital as an annual physical exam. A healthy brain is integral to a healthy existence.
January 28, 2024
I wish this book had been available 30 years ago when I volunteered at a telephone based crisis intervention hotline Iw would have made me a more empathetic listener and would have given me a resource that I could have recommended. It should be part of the training program for crisis hotline volunteers and other crisis counselors to help them better understand how the experiences have shaped the lives of the folks coming to them for help and guidance. A wonderful blending of personal testimony and clinical evaluation.
August 7, 2025
This was giving to me by mother-in-law and it honestly helped me understand my husband’s perspective better than I ever had before. No this isn’t a relationship book, but if you read it with an open heart, there is much to learn about loving our black men.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews