What do you think?
Rate this book


338 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 6, 2023
“It��s okay to be sad. You and Michael were together for a while. You thought he was going to propose and instead he showed his true self and you broke up. Now, that part of your life feels wasted.”
...
“I’m fine. You know I’m not good with emotional
things or sentimental stuff, but I do know that you deserve so much more than what he was to you, Soph. You deserve someone who loves your weird questions and your passion for food and your giant heart. The man your dad would have wanted for you. Michael wasn’t that person, which I know hurts. But now you can move on.”
As I walk to my bedroom after another cookie and downing my milk, I can’t help but consider her words. I don’t think I’m playing a game, but there are a lot of moving pieces here and we haven’t even made it to the first event yet. I know we’re adults, and our friendship has years of strength behind it, but the worry about what this could do to us pricks at my conscience nonetheless. I’ll just have to be careful, I think. Careful with our plan and with my
heart.
Bennett’s arm moves up to my shoulders and tucks me further into his side. I wrap one arm around his back while the hand holding my
champagne stays in front of his torso. He feels solid and steady, like an anchor in the storm that is my life right now.
“Essentially. Does my dress make me look pale?” I wouldn’t call myself insecure, but I think even the most confident woman can be knocked down
by her own mother’s comments. So yes, I’m fishing for compliments in the sea of Bennett, but I don’t think it’s a big deal.
“Sophie, don’t let her get to you. I’ve already told you how stunning you look. We may be faking our relationship, but there is nothing fake about
your beauty tonight.”
She cuts me off, hurt in her eyes. “Bennett, this is the only way. No one wants me for me in this world. I’ve tried and it didn’t work. I appreciate
you believing in me, but there are certain things that are just facts of life.
The way her dress fits her makes me want to place my hands in the dips of her waist and pull her close constantly. I may have taken advantage of that opportunity more than once tonight already…
Everything about her is enticing. Her gray eyes are enchanting under the dim candlelight. They draw me in, like a smoke signal made just for me."
The amber ring surrounding her pupils is more evident in the golden hour light, and it creates this mesmerizing warmth that draws me to her.
My whole life seems to be hinging on hope lately. It’s not the most secure feeling in the world. I wish I knew for sure how Sophie would react to me telling her the truth. At the very least, I hope she doesn’t get mad at me for not telling her right away. Sebastian is right about telling her though: I can't wait much longer without digging myself into a hole I won’t be able to climb out of.
“I wouldn’t know.” She shrugs. “You know Bennett best—does it seem like he’s been different with you? Enough to question his feelings?”.
“Good girl,” I say and she rolls her eyes, but a blush creeps up her neck.
“Now, back to what I was saying. You aren't confined to these two images of yourself. Trying to put your personality in a box is like trying to put a great white shark in a fish bowl: it just doesn’t work. You deserve more space than that.”
As much as I want to know that Sophie feels the same way I do, I want her to be secure and happy more.
“I know what you’re thinking,” I grumble and MJ raises a dark brow.
“I didn’t know you became a mind reader. Do tell,” she says and I huff at her snarky tone.
After living with my mom’s toxic form of affection for so long, and then doubling down on that with Michael, I feel as if maybe I did know of Ben’s
feelings all along, but refused to see it. I’ve spent my life second-guessing the love others gave me because one of the people who was supposed to love me the most, manipulated me instead.
Lottie nods. “It was genuinely the last thing he wanted to do. We’re on your side, so if you’re mad at him so are we, but I don’t think he meant to
lie to you.”
“But now I feel like things will be even more awkward. You want something I’m not sure I’m ready for, but I’m making you go through the motions of the very thing you want. It sounds like torture.” I shake my head and look at the ground. “I can’t put you through that.”
“Hey,” Bennett whispers and lifts my chin up. Sparks scatter from the small touch, and my heart stutters in my chest. “You’re not making me do anything, Soph. I came here hoping for a chance, and you’re giving it to me.” His hand shifts so he’s holding the side of my face. “If being by your side tonight is torture, then it’ll be the sweetest torture I’ve ever endured.”
“The wonderful part about questions is that I can direct them at a specific person depending on word choice,” Bennett says, “In this case, mine was directed to Sophie, not you.”
“Text me when you get home. I love you.” The words fall out easily. I used to hold them in for special occasions, never wanting them to lose their meaning. But now I can see myself saying them all the time. They’ll never lose meaning when it comes to Sophie.
Her eyes meet mine and I’m contemplating how frowned upon it would be to slide in the booth next to her and kiss until our food comes. The eyeliner smudged around her eyes intensifies her already alluring irises, turning them the color of summer storm clouds. I could stare into them for the rest of my life, noting how they change in different lighting, committing to memory every shift in color.
“I love that you don’t care about frivolous things, but I’m going to give them to you anyway. Whatever I can give, I will.” She ducks her head to hide her blush.
....
“It’s okay, Soph. You don’t have to get it all right now. I want you to get better, not be better. Because this is more about you healing from the past than becoming someone different for my sake.” I pull her back in for a hug, her floral scent mixing with the spices from the dishes in front of us. “I love you, and I all I want is for you to be who you were made to be and feel as loved as you are. That’s my sole agenda. No scoreboards, no alternate motives. Just you and me.”
Breathing has become a thing of the past, a fond memory I can look back on and say remember when you knew how to fill your lungs completely? Wasn’t that nice?
So now my scavenger hunt has failed, Sophie’s truck broke down, and the cake isn’t even close to right. All of our friends are messaging me not to panic, but it’s hard not to when all of my plans have been set on fire.