Doctor Who: Star-Crossed

The Ninth Doctor Adventures #3.4

by John Dorney, Lizzie Hopley, Tim Foley

The Doctor and River Song. Their lives are tangled, complex, intertwined. But this Doctor doesn't do domestics, and for once, River might have her work cut out. With time and space against them, these lovers are star-crossed in more ways than most.

4.1 Swipe Right by John Dorney - There are strange rumours about the planet Crell. People have been vanishing. The mysterious Matchmaker is keen to get the populace paired up via his special dating app… but rejecting too many suitors can have fatal consequences. It’s precisely the sort of thing the Doctor would want to investigate. But unfortunately it’s also precisely the sort of thing River Song would want to investigate too. The Doctor and River are on a collision course – but this time it might not be a match made in heaven.

4.2 Face of the Apocalypse by Lizzie Hopley - After locking onto an unusual algorithm, the TARDIS lands in a hi-security Intergalactic Bank where the computerised system only recognises one face – River Song. The Doctor discovers River dismantling the main computer and immediately suspects her of something dodgy. But a case of stolen identity becomes far more serious as River’s face starts to appear throughout history and the Bank vaults start filling up with Temporal Prisoners. Is River the victim of a sting or a bored computer nerd? One thing’s for certain, the ‘glitch’ is no longer a glitch and is on its way to destroying all of spacetime, starting with Prisoner Number One.

4.3 Archipelago by Tim Foley - River Song has one last request. If the Doctor undertakes a dangerous journey with her on the planet Fortuna, she’ll never bother him again. But this is no ordinary voyage. As the storms batter their tiny vessel, the travellers are confronted with some brutal home truths. There is a captain in search of a husband. There is a ship in need of a light. And there are lovers lost in the maelstrom who will always be islands apart.

Genres: Doctor Who, Audiobook, Time Travel

Audio CD

Published May 1, 2023

About the author

John Dorney is a British writer and actor best known for stage roles including the National Theatre, the BBC Radio 4 sitcom My First Planet; and his scripts for the Big Finish Doctor Who range. His script 'Solitaire' was rated the most popular Doctor Who Companion Chronicle of 2010 on the Timescales website and was the runner up in Unreality Sci-fi net's poll for Story of the Year 2010-11.

As well as Doctor Who, he has written for Big Finish's Sapphire and Steel series and on radio co-wrote three series of BBC Radio 4's Recorded for Training Purposes. He won the BBC Show Me the Funny 'Sketch Factor' competition, was a finalist in the BBC 'Laughing Stock' competition, and has performed in Mark Watson's Edinburgh Comedy Award winning long shows as 'The Balladeer'. On stage, he has written plays for the Royal Court Theatre, Hampstead and Soho Theatres.

He trained at LAMDA.

Reviews

[Graham Barrett · Rating 4 out of 5]

For Doctor Who Day (November 23rd) I checked out Big Finish’s “Star Crossed”. Even if Big Finish’s stories where River Song meets any Doctor from a regeneration before David Tennant’s 10th Doctor sort of breaks Doctor Who’s lore and continuity (if that ever existed), these interactions are always enjoyable. The idea of River meeting Tennant’s immediate predecessor, Christopher Eccleston's 9th Doctor, has a lot of appeal. First Eccleston always needs more Doctor Who stories featuring him, second both characters are sassy as hell and I wanted to see them play off of each other, and finally I wanted to see how River would treat the Doctor’s incarnation that’s still at a low point in the immediate aftermath of the Time War.

My thoughts on each of the stories are as follow:

Swipe Right: This one introduced the scariest things in all of Doctor Who’s universe… dating, dating apps and the fear of dying alone. Mostly a humorous scenario but in all honesty that is an interesting sci-fi look at both modern dating features and the existential dread every single person has at some point. This felt like the most “stand alone” and low stakes of the three stories. I didn’t really care for the supporting cast even if they had their moments (addressing asexuality, loving couples being capable of nasty arguments/fighting). Eccleston and Kingston though had a great rapport from the start and it was already intriguing seeing how much Nine didn’t want anything to do with a future wife and guarding himself from love and heartbreak due to his PTSD. As such River’s response felt unique and emotional. An interesting story overall to open things up.

Face of the Apocalypse: This one was the hardest to follow at first because it was all over the place in the first half. Eventually when the reveal of the antagonists identity/connection to the last story and the overall depiction of the legendary lovers’ relationship was better established, the story picked up immensely. Also the overall theme of distant lovers struggling to connect was a good way to show Nine and River’s dynamic. It was fun seeing them become more casual with one another.

Archipelago: This story, to paraphrase The Dude “really tied it all together”. Eccelston and Kingston really got raw in The Doctor’s and River’s argument and it was a wonderful performance on both of their parts as the messiness of River’s relationship with The Doctor comes out and Nine’s refusal to be a part of it. This followed by the subsequent and unusual domestic bliss the duo shared managed to make their relationship feel all the more tragic once more after the show already did so. It was inevitable that a Big Ball of Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Stuff would correct things so that Nine (and River too) wouldn’t remember this encounter yet it still makes one connect to this bittersweet tale.

Star Cross’s stories ultimately were not what I expected but they did once again show off how nuanced and tragic The Doctor and River Song are as a couple. If anything this shows that Big Finish really can spin a good yarn about River meeting the pre-Tennant Doctors that builds on the relationship established on the show in new and emotional ways.

[Danny Welch · Rating 5 out of 5]

The finale to the third series of Ninth Doctor Adventures came out months ago, but because of a lack of finances, I couldn't get it at the time of release. Having heard the praise for this set, I knew I needed to get this as soon as possible. It's finally time to see what Nine and River are like together and I'm so excited!

Swipe Right:
A dating app has taken the planet of Crell by storm, but when people start disappearing, it isn't long before The Doctor and River show up. Unfortunately, they're not supposed to meet yet. The Matchmaker will destroy those who dare to defy them; no exceptions. So you better swipe right or else.

John Dorney has written an unsettling and hilarious story about a dating app gone wrong. It's a very unnerving and frightening narrative where artificial intelligence goes wrong and kills those who don't fit into its desired perimeters. It's a frightening and grim concept that Dorney pulls off brilliantly with much needed humor. This fast-paced script is funny, unsettling, tense, and emotional. I love the discussion around asexuality and the spectrum surrounding it. It's nice to see The Doctor learning himself for once. I can't wait to continue this set; Nine and River are a lot of fun together! 10/10

Face of The Apocalypse:
River Song's face has shown up across all of time and space and now history is collapsing in on itself. The Doctor and River must resolve the situation, but when one of the greatest and most important love stories in the universe is altered, it seems their enemy might very well win.

Lizzie Hopley has written a time-wimey fun adventure that does a lot of bouncing around in the first half, but the second half focuses on a very heartwarming love story that's important in future history. A really fun and sweet adventure that I really enjoyed. 8/10

Archipelago:
A time experiment going wrong led to an explosion in a lab, and now a small part of the planet Fortuna has been taken over by a hideous time storm. River Song needs The Doctor's help, but he's reluctant. Together they go on a journey to rescue the captain's husband who The Doctor believes to be dead. Time is in flux here and nobody is immune from its effects.

Tim Foley has written an incredible script that's atmospheric, meaningful and heartbreaking. It's a very emotional story with some amazing scenes between 9 and River. Tim Foley's an absolute genius.

Overall: A really solid set. Christopher Eccleston and Alex Kingston were amazing together. It's a shame this is probably all we're getting from them together, but for what we have, it's absolutely fantastic! 28/30

[Emilija · Rating 4 out of 5]

Story One - Swipe Right

I purchased this audiobook on the guidance of one of my asexuality Facebook groups who got into a group discussion about this specific story. I cannot describe how happy I am for the representation, and the way it was handled was so good, and honestly, this story was just fantastic.

I wasn’t expecting anything particularly stand out when the plot was literally “dating app gone wrong” but I was completely wrong. It was a look into a technical future that feels terrifyingly close.

I also appreciated that at the end, given the option of starting a relationship, Beth said no because it felt like an acceptance of herself and going against society. It was just really beautiful.

And they can pry aromantic!Nine out of my cold dead hands.

Rating - 5* / 5*


Story Two - Face of the Apocalypse

This story, I wasn't as into. I thought the bank premise was interesting, but the plot itself felt like it was a little bit all over the place. The second half of this story was easier to follow, and was quite enjoyable, but at that point, I wasn't invested in it.

Rating - 3* / 5*


Story Three - Archipelago

I honestly have no idea what was going on in this final story. I really struggled to follow the plot, and really all I knew was that the Doctor, River and some other dude was on a ship in choppy time seas and they were being taken over by different coloured coral. That being said, I really enjoyed the interactions between the Doctor and River, and this story was probably the most emotional of the three. Of course, for time reasons, the Doctor has to forget it all happens at the end, and it was a really tragic feeling considering the domestic happiness they'd found while on the ship.

Rating - 4* / 5*

Overall Rating - 4* / 5*

[Rick · Rating 3 out of 5]

12.1 Swipe Right - I am astonished that an episode featuring both Christopher Eccleston AND Alex Kingston would be this … predictable and … well … dumb. Very disappointing. The only reason I’m not giving this only 1-star is the presence of these phenomenal actors. Unfortunately, they just had so little to work with on this one. (2/5)

12.2 Face of the Apocalypse - This one started out better, but then it just collapsed. Maybe it’s just that The (Ninth) Doctor and River Song just don’t work together. Either that or it’s me. Hmm. (3/5)

12.3 Archipelago - Much better. This one worked for me. The others just didn’t click and the chemistry between The (Ninth) Doctor and River wasn’t working, at all, for me. But this one it did. And I enjoyed the overall plot and narrative much more. (4/5)

[Jamie Revell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Three loosely connected stories featuring the Ninth Doctor meeting up with River Song. Two are very strong, but the middle one just lets it down for me... and is the only reason the collection doens't get the full five stars.

Swipe Right

In the first story, the Doctor and River independently visit a world under the tyrannical rule of, of all things, a dating app. Encountering people who have, for different reasons, fallen afoul of the app by failing to find a partner, they find themselves drawn together in their attempts to right the situation. In some respects, it’s a typical “evil computer” plot, albeit about one with an unusual modus operandi. But it’s the way that the various characters are portrayed, and especially the interaction between the Doctor and River in the face of a villain that’s trying to force them together romantically, that makes this story so effective.

One could perhaps argue that the story could have more to say about the negative side of dating apps – the gamification of romance and the enshittification of a product that relies on its users prolonging their search to maximise profits. But the latter isn’t applicable here anyway, with the moral instead pointing at one of the dangers of AI and a message that’s more about romance itself, and the different meanings it has for people. It’s great to see a story that deals with the ‘A’ part of LGBTQIA; it’s perhaps rarely seen because it’s hard to write an engaging tale about somebody not being interested in something, but this manages it through the eyes of the characters and those interacting with them. 4.5 stars.

Face of the Apocalypse

This story has some connections to the former, with a sentient AI as the villain. However, it lacks the connection to our own world that the former has – even if that story is set on a human colony hundreds of years in the future. It’s also rather confused, with something spreading River’s image throughout history and leading us from a futuristic bank to a primitive farm on an alien world. Much of the tension is supposed to come from the historical events due to occur at the farm being pivotal to a galaxy’s future. The problem is that, since it isn’t our galaxy, all of the grand mythic status that the characters are supposed to have doesn’t come across; we’re told that it’s important, but never really shown or given reason to feel it.

Once again, the story is partly about romance and how River and this version of the Doctor have such different attitudes towards one another. But it’s more of a side element here, incidental to the main plot about the rogue AI, and doesn’t leave as much room for interaction as one might want. Kingston and Ecclestone are good, certainly, but the script gives them less to work with, and what we’re left with is average, but lacking the punch of the other two stories in the collection. 3 stars.

Archipelago

The obvious problem with stories where River meets Doctors prior to Ten is explaining why he doesn’t recognise her in Silence in the Library. Big Finish have resorted to various explanations in their audios, from handwaving to illusory disguises to big Reset buttons. The first two of those wouldn’t really work here, but at least the final story makes the Reset button the main focus – it’s actually referred to as such from early on.

It sees the Doctor and River travelling into a time storm on a mission to save a man trapped at its heart, through the atmosphere of a gas giant filled with strange and hostile life. The soundscaping helps build the feeling of being trapped in a small ship in a storm and there’s a steady sense of building dread as the characters succumb to the world’s perils. But it’s the characterisation and dialogue that really shine through, aided by some top-notch acting from the leads. While there is another character for some of the story, much of this is a two-hander, allowing Ecclestone and Kingston to show off their acting chops as the script delves into their characters’ relationship. 5 stars.

[Steven Shinder · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a FANTASTIC finale to the Ninth Doctor Adventures range. I was excited to go in hearing the Ninth Doctor meet River Song, but was not prepared for how guarded and kind of mean this Doctor would be toward her. But at the same time, I feel silly for not expecting this. OF COURSE this Doctor is rough around the edges and not yet ready to fall in love again. This made for a very interesting shift in the dynamic. One of these stories also sheds light on a character being asexual, and I feel this subject was handled with care. Each story had a very fun line with which to end.

While Big Finish say this is the end of the current Ninth Doctor Adventures range, Christopher Eccleston's comments seem to indicate it's goodbye for now and that he's had a great time working with them. If he takes a break from this for a while, so be it. We were lucky after all to have him for three series of Doctor Who audios. But I wouldn't be surprised if we eventually get a Ninth Doctor and Rose Tyler audio range. Maybe one day when Eccleston and Piper's schedules align. But for now, I feel we have a nice full picture of Christopher Eccleston as the Ninth Doctor. To some, it may have felt like his run on TV ended too soon, but really in retrospect it now feels like we saw the ending chapters of that incarnation's life and now get to see him perform in the earlier adventures of this incarnation before Rose changed everything.

[Roman Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this boxset of stories. I’ve enjoyed how Big Finish has explored the character of Eccleston’s Doctor over the past couple years; fleshing out the character in ways we never got to see on-screen. I understand Eccleston will be taking a break for awhile after this, meaning this boxset functions as a sort of “series finale” for now. And it’s a stellar finale to end on.

Nine’s dynamic with River Song is perhaps the most abrasive of any of River’s interactions with the Doctor’s incarnations, and it makes sense. The Ninth Doctor, fresh from the Time War, still learning to be the Doctor again, and not believing he can ever love again, meeting his future wife. Being confronted with his destiny in a way he never expected.

Each act of this 3-part story thematically follows the beginning, middle, and end of a relationship. My favorite story from this release was “Swipe Right,” but it’s the final story “Archipelago” that delivers the biggest emotional gut punch. This is Big Finish Doctor Who at it’s best. And Nine isn’t even my preferred Doctor. Highly recommend.

[Ellen Schoener · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyable listen, with some great performances.
The first story, Swipe Right, was entertaining and fun enough. Great to listen to the 9th Doctor and River playing off each other. However, the idea of the story has been done (better) before and lacks the necessary depth. In any case, the story is a great opener.
The second story, Face of the Apocalypse, did not do a lot for me. It just felt as if there was too much crammed into this story, the romance did not really work for me and the side characters I found slightly annoying. For me, this was the weakest of the set.
They kept the best for last- the third story Archipelago is AMAZING. It has a very small cast (3 characters), spans a very wide time period and goes very deep in character analysis and development for both River and the 9th Doctor. It is a real emotional ride. The performances are nearly perfect. Plus, the ending is satisfying and brings a logical conclusion.

[Piper Huxley · Rating 5 out of 5]

loved LOVED this boxset with my faves <3

1. swipe right - 4/5

adorable! loved this meet.

2. archipelago - 5/5

the most beautiful BF story i’ve heard in a while. wholly original, stunning and devastating. love to tim foley!

3. face of the apocalypse - 4.5/5

loved this one, too! love a callback to a previous story in the boxset. just a lovely concept.

4.5/5

[Alyce Caswell · Rating 3 out of 5]

River Song is always an enjoyable addition to the proceedings, but the good ol' reset button is one of my least favourite plot devices. Especially when you know it has to appear at some point. The stories themselves weren't particularly brilliant either... but at least the cast never let me down.

[Joseph S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This serves as a perfect coda to “The Diary of River Song,” too. Lovely stuff, Big Finish.

[P.J. Benney · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5
3/5
5/5

Uneven, and I didn't enjoy the episode I was most looking forward to, but I liked the the whole series was tied together neatly. Hope we get some more of 9 soon.

[Sara Habein · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best sets of audio adventures featuring the Ninth Doctor.

[Marcel Driel · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first story was a lot of fun, the second one I didn’t care for at all. The first half of the third story was okay, the last part was magnificent. 3.5 stars

[Jurgen · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.1 'Swipe Right' by John Dorney: 4,5*
4.2 'Face of the Apocalypse' by Lizzie Hopley: 3,5*
4.3 'Archipelago' by Tim Foley: 5*

[Joyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really don't like river song, so all the good stuff about this set was sort of poisoned for me

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars, rounded up to 5

Doctor Who: Star-Crossed tells a tragic love story spread across time and space. Eccleston's Ninth Doctor and Kingston's River Song make for a dynamic duo, prickly in their initial encounters but warmer as time goes on. The stories themselves run the gamut from action-packed romps to heartbreaking character studies. However, the entire box set is tinged with a sense of tragedy; an ending that's preordained and unavoidable. Though the Doctor and River may be destined for each other, it's a future version of the Doctor who gets that happy ending, not this one. And that tragedy weighs heavily over the entire box set. It gives the stories a dramatic weight that elevates the entire box set into something quite unforgettable.

Full review available on Geek Vibes Nation.

[Helen (they or he) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This series started with canonically Aromantic Doctor and it just got better and better. The ninth doctor and River's chemistry is amazing and their character motivations and character conflicts are extremely well-presented. I loved the writing and you know I love the cast even more.