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Moving Forward, Looking Back: How Long Does It Take To Move Forward From The Loss Of the Love of Your Life

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How long does it take to move forward from the loss of the love of your life? An inspirational back and forth journey through the joys and hardships of life, Moving Forward, Looking Back is a week by week catalog of Beth Ann’s first year after her husband Tom’s death, written in real time. Each of the 52 chapters is broken into two parts, starting with the present and then reflecting back on the thirty-two year tumultuous relationship between two Type A people, from its rocky beginning to its heartbreaking end.

Winding its way through the dusty plains of West Texas oil country, Nixon-era dirty politics, high stakes courtroom battles and medical setbacks, Moving Forward, Looking Back tells in unflinching detail Beth Ann’s efforts to withstand her black hole of grief over Tom’s death by looking back at their imperfect, passionate love story and using every tool available to move forward into her new, unasked for, present.

Part love story, part lamentation, part tentative hope, Moving Forward, Looking Back will resonate with anyone who has experienced devastating loss.

177 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 14, 2023

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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
Profile Image for John J..
106 reviews7 followers
March 21, 2023
How can we be expected to just keep going in the face of seemingly insurmountable grief that comes with losing our most cherished loved ones? That question is at the heart of Beth Ann Blackwood’s moving, emotional and nakedly honest journey that she recounts in “Moving Forward, Looking Back.” This incredible diary account of Blackwood’s experiences both with and without her late husband, Tom, is packed with insightful observations, light stories and personal anguish and is reminiscent of Joan Didion’s award-winning “The Year of Magical Thinking.” It’s an exquisite primer on how to deal with death and all the emotions that surround it. But keep a box of tissues handy at all times. You’ll need them.
Blackwood’s book is really two stories in one. It’s the story of how the author met, fell in love with and eventually married her husband, Tom, and at the same time it’s the story of how Beth Ann Blackwood struggled to continue her life after Tom’s death from a rare neurological condition. Blackwood is a gifted writer and knows how to tell a great story. This book will make you laugh and cry again and again. But it also asks some very deep questions about the nature of love and existence itself.
Throughout this book, Blackwood compares the grief she’s feeling to the heavy load of a knapsack filled with 12 stones, which she hopes will progressively lighten their load. She returns to this metaphor a number of times and it’s an apt one. This story begins in the days following Tom’s death as Blackwood struggles merely to get out of bed each day. As an active person who competes in triathlons and was training for the Half Ironman, the incapacitation that came with grief was a shock to her system. Add to that the fact that much of the world was struggling with the COVID pandemic, which increased her isolation and helplessness. The book is broken into chapters listing the week numbers over the course of a year following Tom’s death. Some of Blackwood’s entries are nothing short of heartbreaking, including statements like “I’d give anything to hold Tom,” “I’ve run out of things to do, now what?” and “If I could figure it out and believe it, maybe it would help me pull out of my own grief.”
Much of this book is a shifting back and forth between the story of the couple’s relationship and Blackwood’s efforts to deal with the darkness and grief in the wake of her husband’s death. The transitions are always smooth and well calculated. And the book has a swift and dramatic pace. Blackwood tells about the number of false starts and separations in the relationship but eventually they clicked and their legal practice together brought them career satisfaction and a good life. There are delightful anecdotes about their precious pug dogs and their adventures together. After Tom’s death, to help staunch her despair, Blackwood takes a leap of faith and buys a horse that she names Merlin, hoping that magic will lift the black curtain of anguish.
In all, “Moving Forward, Looking Back,” is an illuminating and incredibly moving testament to the strength of human character. Just like she did when training for the Half Ironman, Blackwood begins to understand that much of life is pushing through the pain and just keeping going.. It’s the journey that matters most and not the destination. By book’s end and Week 52, the author has found a kind of peace and reconciliation with her past. The load on her back has been lightened but the memories remain. There’s a transcendence and communion with life on its own terms.
Highly recommended.

Profile Image for Elizabeth Young.
19 reviews
May 9, 2023
Beth Ann Blackwood’s memoir is about the loss of her husband, Tom. What separates her book from others is her ability to show readers how truly life shattering his loss was to her despite their inauspicious start.

Blackwood met her husband, Tom, when he hired her as an associate attorney at his law firm. Despite initially treating her with disdain, they established a good working relationship and fell in love – while they were both married to other people. One day, he promptly decided the affair was wrong, ended his relationship with Blackwood, and fired her from the firm. In a pre #metoo world, this all happened with nary a consequence to the man or the firm. Despite the harshness of the breakup, obviously, they find their way back to each other and ultimately end up married for decades.

Blackwood covers how she navigated her legal career before and after her eventual husband was her boss, her relationship his two sets of children, and the acquisition of a troop of wheezing pugs vis a vis her relationship with Tom. He was her sun, and her life orbited around him, good and bad. When he was diagnosed with a neurological disease that wreaked havoc on his body and mind, Blackwood took on most of his physical care and the complete oversight of his treatment. And all through it, his presence – and then absence – were her constants.

Blackwood writes the book like a journal, breaking up chapters into the weeks following Tom’s death. In each of these chapters, she looks back in time to establish who Tom and she both were through their historical experiences. In giving Tom’s background story, she even provides an interesting history lesson about how Texas politics slowly shifted from being historically democratic to republican starting in the 1950s.

In the months following his death, Blackwood trained for a triathlon. She equates her training to her pain journey. Some days she went for the open water swim and could barely keep from drowning. Some weeks she can barely manage anything beyond feeding and walking her dogs. But as she faces her fears of open water swim and learns techniques to calm herself down in the water, so too does she become able to look forward to glimpsing into her future.

This book isn’t just for folks who have lost spouses. It is for anyone who wants to gain compassion for other’s grief. Regardless of what anyone might think of Tom or their marriage, Blackwood’s pain is real and by sharing so openly her feelings of longing and loss, she reminds us that people are entitled to feel exactly the way they feel and be supported in those feelings.
Profile Image for Grady.
Author 51 books1,825 followers
March 12, 2023
‘For the first time, my visit to his grave was more healing than agonizing’ - A remarkable memoir

Texas author Beth Ann Blackwood places before the reading public a book so insightful and sensitive about coping with the death of her husband Tom that she provides a supportive and inspiring resource for all who have lost a loved one, or are preparing for such a loss. The title MOVING FORWARD, LOOKING BACK sizes up the perspectives well: the impact of managing grief by reflecting on the myriad aspects of an evolving relationship that allows healing, and moving forward.

The atmosphere of her book is established in the brief introductory lines: “Grief weighs me down like a black bear settling in for hibernation on my shoulders. Experts say it takes at least a year to adjust to losing a spouse. I picture a knapsack filled with twelve heavy stones flattening me to the ground. As each month passes, a stone will work its way out of the pack until eventually I can get to my knees, then stand, and then walk. At least that’s the hope.’

In an evocative technique of winding through the stages of grief through the 52 weeks of the year after her husband’s demise from Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, supplemented with relating that at times turbulent history of the relationship of the author as a new young lawyer being hired by the law firm Kolodey and Thomas LLP (Tom being the strong willed, handsome, twice married partner Thomas!), Beth Ann succeeds impressively in charting a vivid romance novel - one that suggests cinematic adaptation! Couple that aspect with one of the more sensitive pathways of dealing with grief, coming to grips with medial response flaws, underscoring energy attained by various means (physical activity such as the Half Ironman Triathlete, spiritual growth, resuming law practice, friends), and the result is a book so rich in philosophy that the reader will likely immediately return to first chapter to relive the transporting impact of this quality memoir. At one point the author quotes Viktor Frankl: ‘tragedy is unavoidable and uncontrollable, and the only thing you can control is how you deal with it.’ Sensitive, rich in insights into the legal/political arena and competitive sports and medical management - and one thoroughly entertaining romance adventure - make this book a unique and supportive reading experience. Introducing a bright new rising star on the literary horizon! Very highly recommended.
Profile Image for Brad Butler.
86 reviews5 followers
March 24, 2023
Trying to categorize ‘Moving Forward Looking Back’ by Beth Ann Blackwood is a tricky proposition, for it can be many things to different people. At the foundation this is a love story, but it’s also a life story, a work story or a personality story—and yet again it’s also an inspirational back and forth journey through the travails, joys, beauties and hardships experienced in life. Employing a rather clever tactic, the author simultaneously moves through 52 weeks of grieving after losing the love of her life, Tom, while chronicling the time they spent together and the history of their personal, professional and family lives.

Both involved in the legal profession, Beth and Tom are smart, hard charging and ambitious, but in rather different ways. She made a rather interesting observation of West Texas bred Tom that I found compelling, indeed one I sometimes contemplate when meeting people: ‘If you want to go to war, Tom was the man you wanted on your side.’ Beginning as a professional association, after years of twists and turns this unlikely pair ended up creating an amazing love story which involved opposites that clashed but worked on many different levels.

Moving through the weeks of grieving, starting from the moment of Tom’s passing, one sees Beth plunged into despair, move away from it, then plunged back again as memories, dates and anniversaries pop up to create fresh wounds. Activity helps, then feels like just doing something to avoid contemplation, always wanting to pull the blanket over her head and sleep endlessly. However, tonic is spread on the grief with observations of what made Tom so special to her, and others—his ability to retain clients by giving it to them straight from the hip, no soft talk; his intimidating stature, razor sharp mind and the fact he refused to suffer fools in any aspect of his life.

Nuggets of wisdom from the Bible, C.S. Lewis and Victor Frankl pepper the story and show the reader Beth’s desire to understand what is happening to her mind and soul during this ‘process.’ Life lessons abound in ‘Moving Forward Looking Back,’ ones we can all take to heart in many aspects of life. You will not come away empty handed from reading this compelling life, love story.

Brad Butler, Author of ‘A World Flight Over Russia’ & ‘Without Redemption.’
23 reviews1 follower
March 15, 2023
Moving Forward, Looking Back is the story of a woman overcoming grief after the death of her husband. Beth Ann tells her story in two parts, before after the death of Tom, and interweaves them together in a captivating recollection of their life together and how she finds the strength to live again. This book is broken up into 52 diary-like entries, one for each week of the year after Tom’s death. It was a relatively quick read because of this, but I still found myself engaged in the story and thinking about it long after I was done reading.

Within each chapter, Beth Ann describes the current state of her life accompanied by a memory of Tom. Although there is a lot of jumping back and forth between the past and present, I never found myself lost. It was made pretty clear what was happening when. In the end, I see them come together but also separate at the same time, and it makes for an interesting juxtaposition.

Although intertwined, I see this story as two parts. The first part is about how Beth Ann and Tom met through work, their rocky but loving relationship, and the eventual decline of Tom’s health. These stories were charming, and even though the relationship wasn’t always perfect, I could tell how much Beth Ann and Tom loved each, and I enjoyed seeing how they developed. The scenes with their pugs were some of my favorites; as a fellow animal-lover I could relate to Beth Ann!

The second part is her experience with grief, the ups and downs, and how she takes on new hobbies and experiences as she attempts to move on. She explains how she went from struggling to even talk about Tom to being able to happily reminisce on their life together. She also works to improve herself by taking on triathlons and adopting a horse. It’s incredibly inspirational.

This book is charming and heart-wrenching, and as soon as I started, I didn’t want to stop reading. The casual, journal-like tone makes it easy to read and allows the reader to gain a strong insight into Beth Ann’s reactions to grief. This book is perfect for anyone in a similar situation. It shows the realities of grief: healing is not linear or easy. Truthfully, I think anyone could come away from Moving Forward, Looking Back with a new outlook on life.
Profile Image for Pretty Peony Reads.
397 reviews35 followers
April 1, 2023
This is the story about the author, Beth, and how she is learning to deal with the loss of her husband,Tom. The story goes back and forth between present and past and details how she met her husband to when he became ill and passed.

Losing a loved one is difficult to deal with. Everyone handles illness and death differently and Beth’s situation is no different. On the inside, she appeared to be struggling with Tom’s illness. It seemed to have crept up on her way too quickly. However, on the outside (to her friends and family) she appeared to be strong and to handle the situation as though she had everything together.

What I enjoyed about this story is how everything unfolded from when Beth met Tom to his last few days. They both had very busy lives and enjoyed their careers. There were moments when I felt Beth wanted affirmation or attention from Tom but because of their schedules I could see how it would be difficult for him to really spend time focusing on her needs and wants. I don’t think she saw that, but she handled those moments well and justified it with her own understanding of it. I think sometimes that’s the best way to handle confusion, frustration, or the feeling of someone not giving you what you want or expected if you find it too difficult or uncomfortable to be upfront about it, or if you’ve learned that some people will misunderstand you.

Overall, this was a good read and a good learning experience. For some reason, I felt something was missing but I just can’t pinpoint it. I know losing someone you love is already in itself difficult to deal with so maybe that’s just it. I think Beth is still going through the loss and I hope she writes another book further down the road and reflects on it. I’d definitely read it.
Profile Image for Moná.
324 reviews13 followers
May 8, 2023
To experience the loss of a loved one is never easy, but with our will and perseverance, things can feel less and less painful as time goes on. Beth Ann had to live through the loss of her best friend and husband, Tom, which brought on its own daily challenges. One thing that stood out the most was her recollection of everything that highlighted the days prior, during, and after losing Tom. As many would say, keeping a journal is a great way to sort through your emotions, leading to week-to-week entries as a great coping mechanism. Beth Ann has done what was necessary to continue living in Tom's honor as his widow. It provided a level of comfort she was able to thrive and see to it of the things she felt she had to fulfill. If anything else is possible, it is knowing that we can continue to celebrate the lives of those we have lost and to cherish the memories we shared with them.

It was refreshing to read and learn the stages Beth Ann experienced while dealing with the loss of her husband, Tom. She has expressed her challenges and vulnerabilities that arose, and embraced every step in the journey without the love of her life. I felt like a dear friend, hearing the struggles, the ups and downs, and how to move forward despite life's uncomfortable moments. This book was very inspiring that no matter the loss, in the end it makes us stronger and appreciative of the time with have with others. I highly recommend this to others because many people deserve some form of guidance and comfort that this book can potentially offer.
339 reviews22 followers
March 15, 2023
I really liked Moving Forward, Looking Back, by Beth Ann Blackwood, a whole lot. It’s the true story of how Beth Ann tried to move on when her husband, Tom, passed away. But it is not your typical approach to this kind of story. Somebody had told Beth Ann that things will be a lot better after the first year. So what did Beth Ann do? Well, she broke the year down by weeks. She gave us a week-by-week accounting of what she did, how she did it, and how she felt. Pretty original, right? But wait, there’s more. She not only broke down the year into weeks; and she not only told us how she held up, or didn’t, each week; but she also gave us a history of their relationship from the beginning starting in week one. So every week we got to see how she was holding up and trying to get through the incredible sadness of losing a beloved partner. And…we got to learn the timeline of how Beth Ann and Tom met, ultimately got married, and then separated when Tom passed away. Isn’t this such an original concept?

This is a very quick read. And it will be even quicker than usual because you will want to see how Beth Ann is doing each week along with another look into their combined history. I couldn’t wait to get back to it each day. As slow as I’ve been reading, I got through this one very quickly. You will too!
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