Cooter

by Christina Pfeiffer

Lindsay wakes from a wet dream to every girl’s worst nightmare – a zombie rat named Cooter has taken up residence in her panty hamster!

Will sacrificing Mark, her vegan boyfriend, be enough to satisfy the vicious cravings of Lindsay’s undead guest or will she be forced to do something truly unthinkable?

What comes next will have even the most seasoned police officers hurling up their donuts.

Genres: Horror

ebook

Published March 25, 2023

Reviews

[MadameD · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m so lucky, my friend Christina Pfeiffer sent me an advance copy of her debut novel, Cooter. And, she nailed it!
Christina Pfeiffer has an extraordinary imagination, and a sense of humor that I love. I mean a very dark and not politically correct sense of humor. Her first short story Cooter is well-written, hilarious, gory, disgusting and so disturbing.
I can't wait to read her next story.
I highly recommend it, if nothing can offend you.
🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀

On godless.com

[Corrina Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely LOVE Christina and was so excited to be asked to read her debut early, and what a read it is too!! 😍


Waking from a rather steamy, "slip 'n' slide" kinda dream, Mrs Crook panics when she discovers her blood soaked bed sheets. On waking her husband, they soon discover the horrifying cause, and it is like nothing they could ever have imagined! Oh, and it wants feeding….


This book is Christina to a T! Her humor absolutely shines through, and of course, it's pretty sick and twisted too! 😉 It's everything I expected and so much more! I was howling the whole way through, that's when I wasn't cringing and almost vomiting in my mouth….🤢😂


Very well written, gross, horrific, disturbing and utterly hilarious! And now I'm gonna need to start wearing several pairs of panties to bed again! I've only just removed them all after reading Mike Duke's 'Warm, Dark Places Are Best' over a year ago!! 😂


This was an incredibly brilliant debut from Christina. I loved the whole thing, the idea, the humor, the gore, the imagery, the insanity, and of course, my little cameo (I'm honoured, thank you so much!) 


Why are you still here??? Go get yourself a copy, pour yourself a cup of tea, or maybe something stronger, yeah, youre gonna need something stronger, and sit back, relax and enjoy the fuck out of this!! 😁

[Lindsay Crook · Rating 5 out of 5]

As far debuts go this one is a cracker. Christians sense of humour and depravity shines through in this absolute must read short.
What do you do when you've got a zombie rat living inside your lady bits? Everything it tell you to of course. Gruesome and hilarious.

[Xtina Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, my friend Christina hit this one out of the park (did I just make a sportsball reference? EW) her debut short story,on Godless.com,is everything I wanted and much more!!! Everything I love in a story and I cringed, gagged, and cackled from beginning to end!!! Throughly entertaining, disgusting, insane, and fun!! Go get some Cooter, I promise you won’t regret it!!!

[Eve L. Fell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was hilarious! It was a quick paced crazy read.

Imagine waking up to a talking zombie rat in your snatch making demands. That’s what happens to Lindsey. What she does for the rat is crazy! But what wouldn’t we do to save our child.

[River Dixon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Available March 25, 2023.
In eBook, exclusively at godless.com.

[Christopher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ratatcoochie.

[Shannon M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those extremely ridiculous reads that have you rolling on the floor laughing while also wincing. Seriously, I was reading this in PUBLIC and it had me HOWLING at some parts. There were at least a dozen “Jesus fucking Christ’s” out of my mouth too.

I will convince you to read this with a few of my favourite lines from the book:

“F*ck me on the hood of my Honda.”

“Mark’s a vegan. He won’t go near my v@gina if it’s bleeding.”

“You’ve always had huge, dangly meat curtains”

“Oi, stop squirting on my food.”

There, I’ve convinced you, right? 🤣

Grab it on Godless for just 99c: https://godless.com/products/cooter-b...

[✨ Bre Cabrera ✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is definitely a fever dream of the most grotesque, bleak, unimaginable and disgusting thing a person can imagine. In all the best ways! Definitely not something I would recommend to everyone but I loved it for what it was. Very well written!

[Holly Horror · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, Christina. You sick, sick girl. This was horrid, but so damn great 🤣

[Seamus Belial · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disgusting. Depraved. Incredible.
“Cooter” is an outstanding debut.

[Nat Whiston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy hell, well what did I except from someone who reviews extreme horror and has the same dark sense of humour as me? So the start to the story is like a scene from a 70s porno until, of course, Mrs. Crook (hurhuhur author reference) wakes up. Then the real story begins with a very pregnant Linzy and her husband Mark. Confronting a Zombie Coochie Rat, from there it goes from Dark comedy to twisted extreme gore fest. This 17-page horror filled messed up story, shows that if you review enough dark and sadistic tales. You will create one hell of a story of your own, trust me that bit with the severed foot up the vagina will haunt me forever. So we all know that a mom will do anything to protect her baby, no surprise that Linz does some pretty screwed up and horrifying shit to protect the baby inside her. The moral of the story is do not trust the talking vagina zombie rat.

[Ashley Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Horribly disgusting, in all the best ways.

[Sean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, well, well… it turns out Christina has such a warped imagination and dark sense of humour that it makes the rest of us seem like Christian missionaries in comparison.

[The Yeti Reads and Reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I went into reading Cooter by Christina Pfeiffer completely blind, and, um, yeah, Lindsay wakes up from a sex dream only to find that the unborn baby she is carrying has company. 17 pages of pure insanity It’s hilarious, vile, and sick. fast-paced, nausea-inducing chaos, and I loved every minute of it. Reminded me of something that Troma would release as a film. If you are looking for a quick, insane read, look no further.
4 severed fingers out of 5

[Gerhard Geick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cooter the rat goes munch munch much
Munch munch much
Munch munch munch
Cooter the rat goes munch munch much
Munch munch much
Munch munch munch
All up in her business

This rodent from Hell takes and takes and takes, and when you think you have nothing left to give, he takes some more.

Cooter is nothing short of a masterpiece, and it is hard to believe that this is Christina Pfeiffer's first story. But it is like my mother always says: "Garbage in, Garbage out." In this case, though, I don't mean it literally, just that after spending the last two years swimming in Drew Stepek's pool over at Godless, it is no surprise that she picked up all the tools she would need to write a story like this.

Cooter makes me glad I don't have a vagina.

For 99 cents, you can pick this story up at Godless. https://godless.com/products/cooter-b...

[Joe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow what a chilling gory tale. As if the Zombie apocalypse isn't scary enough, along comes a Zombie rat. Then, surprise! It talks!

A woman is terrorized by the Zombie rat. He blackmails her into doing some horrible things. Zombie's are always hungry.
I don't want to spoil it. This is a short read done very well for those of us who enjoy the blood, gore, and ooze of splatter horror. Don't forget, a Rat, a Zombie Rat.
You can either be horrified or laugh, either way it is an enjoyable read.
🐀🐀🐀

[August Rain Vaughn · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do you top a possessed vag? Have it possessed by a talking rat—a talking ZOMBIE RAT named Cooter!

Wow!! What a wild ride! What a debut!!

This quick read was full of bodily fluids, gore, and depravity! And I am so here for it! Pfeiffer whips this gory story around with finesse and a humor so dark you’ll feel sick for laughing! Either you’ll feel sick that you laughed at something so horrible or because you laugh so long and hard (hehe) that your sides hurt!

I truly hope this isn’t the last we hear from Pfeiffer and her amazingly disgusting sense of humor!
Favorite short story of the year!

[kentuckyfriedfart [Nessa] · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have definitely never read a book quite like it.

[Jeff O'Brien · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is what I want. I need more of it. I wish this could have been a novel. I will be reading as much of Christina Pfeiffer's work as soon as possible.

[Samantha Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Cooter" by Christina Pfeiffer. I was sent my copy in exchange for an honest review.

Mark and Lindsay, a happily married couple, are about to have their first baby. Things have been going well until Cooter, a flesh eating zombie rat, takes up occupancy inside Lindsay's vagina. Worst of all, if Lindsay hopes to have a whole baby, she'll have to give in to Cooter's demands and feed him.

This is Christina Pfeiffer's debut story, and this one definitely doesn't disappoint. It's hilarious, bizarre, and totally vile. I could barely keep a straight face whole reading, and Cooter is a character I won't soon forget. This was everything and more I hoped to see from Christina. Make sure you pick this one up from Godless.com and help support the best in indie horror!

[stephreads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lol, wow. This was a wild one. Hilarious, weird af. Just what I needed.

[Chris Carelse · Rating 5 out of 5]

That Cecily Bumtrinket got one hell of a workout…

Pretty sure it was the Havok/Ericmore episode of M.o.M.pod, where Christina has a “I’m useless and lazy, so I could never do what you guys do”.

Well, friend… good thing liars wet the bed, because otherwise your pants being on fire might’ve burned your house down…

What a delightfully absurd body horror.









(Psst… Shame boners aside, this may be a smidge on the spicy side for Mills & Boon, but idea pitch:
George W., during a spontaneous detour through Anchorage, after making a surprise inspection visit to Eareckson Air Station, stops past the Captain Cook, at the exact same time Zak Bagans accidentally opens a Dybbuk box, containing the soul of the mad monk, Rasputin, gets possessed, and summons and army of zombie black/brown bear hybrids - so you never know whether to fight back or lie down.
Seeking higher ground, he makes his way to the Chugach Mountain range, where he encounters a pair of bad ass moms, armed with a big bag of dildos dowsed in bear repellent.
At one point, the motley crew get separated, and George W., suggests he and the mom accompanying him make their way to a nearby cabin she’s familiar with, as they could easily fortify it, but due to the extreme cold, they need to use their body heat to survive the cold.
Meanwhile, the other mom, thinking she’s lost her bestie, goes full nuttso buttso, takes out most of the bears single handedly, and kills zombie Zak Bagans, by punching him in the dick.
Fin.)

[Hayley (Strange & Unusual Book Club) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Raunchy, vile, and hilarious. This is the kind of bad-taste humor that would be right at home in one of Lloyd Kaufman's Troma films. It aims to gross you out and make you laugh and for me, it succeeded at both.

This one is hard to find. The links here on Goodreads don't work but you can find it for a buck on the publisher's website https://godless.com/products/cooter-b...

[Charity B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

😅😅😅😅 well okay then🤣 this was jacked up right from go and I was here for it. I really loved the cover which was what made this book catch my eye. Is it unhinged? Yes. Is it disgusting? Yes. Is it wonderfully vulgar? Yes. Did I devour it just like Cooter did the MC's "meat curtains"? Also yes. I have very few triggers but the ones I do have involve babies so I was nervous for a second but honestly it didn't get too bad (well I mean that aspect of it didn't 😅) My biggest complaint about this book is that I can't find it in paperback I want this little vile little gem on my shelf🐀🤣 would I recommend this book? Yes but only to a very select and special group of people😅

[Michael Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I may have gotten a little excited when I heard one of our beloved Mothers of Mayhem was putting a story out. I figured it wouldn’t be for the faint of heart, and I was right. Cooter is the loving story of a woman and her zombie vagina rat. Well, maybe not loving. Obviously everyone is horrified with the nasty little bastard and its insatiable hunger. And boy does it have an appetite. Where it chooses to set up its dining room, probably doesn’t help matters either. If you’re squeamish at all, you better get over it, because this was a great story.

Sick, twisted, funny, and f**ked up, this is a helluva debut.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

*I’m not going to give you the ‘what this book is about’ blurb – you can read that elsewhere.

1. This is a short read – that being said, I still absolutely TORE through it because it was so enjoyable.
2. It’s gory, brutal, and absolutely hilarious. Christina pulled out all the stops on this one. She went places that made me think while also tickling my funny bone.
3. I’ll be sleeping with my legs crossed for the rest of my life, thank you very much. While I found myself enjoying the book’s villain quite a bit, I still don’t want to encounter him! 🧟‍♂️🐀

[Chad Farmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy Rat turd! Up until Christina Pfeiffer's Cooter I have only read SplatterPunk written by male author's! And I can say this fast, raunchy, grotesque, and laugh out loud short story ranks right up there with the best, without a doubt! Christina's description in this absurd tale is spot on and my favorite line which made me drop my mouth and shake my head was "The shocking realization comes to me that I've just used my stepdaughter's head as a sex toy." I can't recommend this enough! Can't wait to see what she writes next!

[H0rr0rbl0b · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Pregnant women and a talking zombie rat named Cooter that holds the pregnant woman hostage in return with his given promise to not eat the unborn child within her as long as she feeds him. Hacks up her family and feeds it to the rat within her, only to get caught by the police and sent to a mental hospital where the rat can feast on unwilling patients.

[Skwurl · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn’t a “story.” This is a full-throttle splatterpunk journey crafted to make you gasp, gag, laugh, and question why you even learned to read. It explodes out of the gate without a shred of hesitation and never slows down to offer comfort, logic, or emotional safety.

It’s gross. It’s wild. It’s completely unhinged.
And somehow… it’s hilarious.
You don’t read Cooter — you survive it.

By the end, I just sat there thinking:
“Did I love that?
Am I okay?
Should I call someone?”

Would I recommend this to everyone? Absolutely not.
Would I recommend it to the feral, ungoverned horror gremlins of the internet?
One thousand percent yes.