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The Love and Respect Devotional: 52 Weeks to Experience Love and Respect in Your Marriage
In this couples' devotional based on the classic bestseller, Eggerichs surveyed thousands of couples to develop 52 devotionals around the three cycles that are at the heart of Love and Respect. Emerson Eggerichs has transformed marriages around the world with his biblically based approach to understanding the love that she most desires and the respect that he desperately needs. Now, in this long-awaited devotional based on Love & Respect , Emerson has created an experience for couples that is effective, flexible, and life changing. To build this couples devotional, Eggerichs has taken the top concerns that surfaced in a survey of thousands of couples and has developed 52 devotionals around the three cycles that are at the heart of Love and Respect. On one occasion the couple will be talking about how to stop the Crazy Cycle or keep it at bay. The next devotional will discuss a concept built upon the Rewarded Cycle, which stresses the ultimate purpose for marriage. And the next may have both people talking about ways to use the Energizing Cycle in their efforts to love and respect each other. This long-awaited With this wealth of new material and video devotionals available online, The Love & Respect Devotional will be indispensable to anyone wishing to improve their marital relationship.
320 pages, Hardcover
Published November 7, 2023
34 people are currently reading
3741 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
January 10, 2024
This Christian devotional book is designed for couples to read together, or for husbands and wives to read alone. The readings are typically about three pages long, and end with a prayer prompt and an action suggestion. There are discussion questions in the back of the book as well. However, this is definitely more of a self-help book than a devotional.
Eggerichs incorporates Scripture throughout, and he says that he wants to help lead couples to Christ, then into deeper relationship with each other. Nonetheless, the vast majority of the readings focus on marriage advice over spiritual counsel. Also, there are many times where the marriage advice isn't even based in Scripture, just the author's brand and opinions.
I was curious to read this book because the original Love & Respect book from 2004 has a lot of problematic elements, and I wanted to see if a newly published book would present some things differently. It does, and even though I still have issues with this book, it is significantly less sexist than the original. However, this book actually isn't a new publication. This edition came out in November 2023, but it has a 2011 copyright date, and the copyright page notes that this is a reissued version of The Love & Respect Experience. The product description does not indicate this AT ALL. If someone already owns the previous book, they need to know that this is the same book under a different title.
This book improves on many things that people have criticized regarding the author's original work. For example, Eggerichs repeatedly emphasizes that husbands and wives are both responsible for their own behavior, regardless of how they feel provoked. This contrasts positively to the original book, which frequently blames women for their husbands' sin problems through both direct messages and anecdotal examples. The teaching and examples in this book are much more balanced and fair.
Another significant change from the original Love & Respect is that this devotional addresses sex through the lens of mutual submission and understanding, with an expectation that husbands and wives can work out something mutually agreeable, even if that means taking turns to be sacrificial. Although the first book teaches that wives may be partly responsible for a husband's affair if they're not as sexually available as he wants, this book clearly teaches that husbands and wives should seek mutuality in the bedroom and come up with a balance that works for BOTH partners' needs.
This book includes a lot of helpful insights and practical ideas for how people can improve their marriages. There were a number of things that I disagree with or would have nuanced differently, but there is a lot of good advice here for dealing with conflict, growing in understanding and care for your spouse, and developing more Christlike character. Some of the relationship advice is specific to marriages, while other advice generalizes, and I appreciate the author's encouragement for people to apply what they learn in all of their relational spheres.
However, even though this book is an improvement over the original, it still relies on the faulty foundation of assuming that men's greatest need is for respect, while women's greatest need is for love. I expected the author to water down the rigid stance he presented in his original work, but even though he occasionally offered caveats and included one devotional reading about how love and respect aren't actually mutually exclusive, this book still operates with a gender-based false dichotomy.
You cannot truly love someone without respecting them, and wives need respect and honor, not just affection, sympathy, and tenderness. On the flip side, you CAN respect someone without loving them, and that's not what husbands need. Men also need affection, tenderness, and understanding. I frequently felt like the author attributed all of men's emotional needs to the tough-sounding smokescreen of "respect" when a need for love was more suited to the example at hand.
In addition to this false dichotomy, the author also relies heavily on gender-based stereotypes, referring to the differences between women and men by talking about "Pink and Blue." This is pervasive throughout the book, and I found it extremely shallow, restrictive, and sometimes insulting. At times, the author's generalizations apply broadly, addressing typical differences that people observe between men and women across cultures. Other times, his generalizations are offensively stereotypical, and he rarely gives caveats for the many men and women who don't act or think like the examples he gives. For example, men are not all insensitive clods with no relational skids, and women are not all gushing, emotional creatures with no analytical skills. When people do act like that, this is the outworking of their immaturity, and they need to learn and grow, not justify their behavior as part of being a man or a woman.
This book also frequently feels like an infomercial for the author's other work, constantly emphasizing his other writings and his conferences. He shares examples from grateful emails he has received, and even though this sometimes feels like genuine engagement with his audience, there were times when I felt like he was sharing pull quotes as blurbs to advertise his work.
My other concern is that this book isn't appropriate for people in abusive or borderline abusive marriages. Eggerichs repeatedly reminds his readers that the Love & Respect system is not a guarantee, and he teaches that you are responsible for your own behavior before God, regardless how your spouse reciprocates. This is an important message, but Eggerichs doesn't engage at all with the reality of abuse dynamics.
The general assumption is that if you love or respect your spouse, then they will naturally treat you better as a result. The author says this isn't a guarantee, but he doesn't offer any advice or encouragement for people who have discovered in real life that their spouse won't reciprocate any investment of better behavior.
Eggerichs encourages people to assume that their spouse has goodwill towards them, instead of always assuming that their spouse's negative behaviors are intended to be spiteful. This is good advice for people who are dealing with garden variety marriage problems, but that does not apply to hostile, destructive marriages where an abusive partner doesn't reciprocate love and respect, or even uses their partner's more Christlike behavior as an opportunity to trample on them more.
There is nothing in this book about how to set healthy boundaries with a spouse who is harming you, and there is no real acknowledgement of the reality of abuse. The concept only gets mentioned a few times, and it's usually undermined, like in this case: "Or when a husband reacts negatively because he is feeling disrespected, a groupthink-influenced wife could just write him off as childish, narcissistic, chauvinistic, or even abusive, instead of seeking God's help to dig beneath the surface to discover what is wrong. Result: he will feel even more disrespected!" Sure, but what if your husband really is abusive?
What Eggerichs describes here is real. There are women who jump to conclusions and give their friends bad advice, assuming that a boyfriend or husband is an abusive jerk when they don't really understand the situation. However, it is irresponsible for him to represent this perspective without also acknowledging that abuse is real, that it happens within Christian marriages, and that you don't have to enable an abuser by keeping silent about the abuse and trying to "respect" him more or "love" her more, as if that will change them.
Overall, even though this book shares really good advice at times, I don't recommend it. It is better than the 2004 original, since the author has softened and adapted some of his ideas over time, but this book still involves a lot of stereotypes, false dichotomies, and unhelpful assumptions, and does not acknowledge the reality of abuse. If someone is looking for a couple's devotional, they are better off looking for a different book that takes Scripture as the foundation, and if someone is looking for marriage advice, there are better books on the market that are less stereotyped and more comprehensive.
I received a free copy from the publisher through Amazon Vine in exchange for an honest review.
Eggerichs incorporates Scripture throughout, and he says that he wants to help lead couples to Christ, then into deeper relationship with each other. Nonetheless, the vast majority of the readings focus on marriage advice over spiritual counsel. Also, there are many times where the marriage advice isn't even based in Scripture, just the author's brand and opinions.
I was curious to read this book because the original Love & Respect book from 2004 has a lot of problematic elements, and I wanted to see if a newly published book would present some things differently. It does, and even though I still have issues with this book, it is significantly less sexist than the original. However, this book actually isn't a new publication. This edition came out in November 2023, but it has a 2011 copyright date, and the copyright page notes that this is a reissued version of The Love & Respect Experience. The product description does not indicate this AT ALL. If someone already owns the previous book, they need to know that this is the same book under a different title.
This book improves on many things that people have criticized regarding the author's original work. For example, Eggerichs repeatedly emphasizes that husbands and wives are both responsible for their own behavior, regardless of how they feel provoked. This contrasts positively to the original book, which frequently blames women for their husbands' sin problems through both direct messages and anecdotal examples. The teaching and examples in this book are much more balanced and fair.
Another significant change from the original Love & Respect is that this devotional addresses sex through the lens of mutual submission and understanding, with an expectation that husbands and wives can work out something mutually agreeable, even if that means taking turns to be sacrificial. Although the first book teaches that wives may be partly responsible for a husband's affair if they're not as sexually available as he wants, this book clearly teaches that husbands and wives should seek mutuality in the bedroom and come up with a balance that works for BOTH partners' needs.
This book includes a lot of helpful insights and practical ideas for how people can improve their marriages. There were a number of things that I disagree with or would have nuanced differently, but there is a lot of good advice here for dealing with conflict, growing in understanding and care for your spouse, and developing more Christlike character. Some of the relationship advice is specific to marriages, while other advice generalizes, and I appreciate the author's encouragement for people to apply what they learn in all of their relational spheres.
However, even though this book is an improvement over the original, it still relies on the faulty foundation of assuming that men's greatest need is for respect, while women's greatest need is for love. I expected the author to water down the rigid stance he presented in his original work, but even though he occasionally offered caveats and included one devotional reading about how love and respect aren't actually mutually exclusive, this book still operates with a gender-based false dichotomy.
You cannot truly love someone without respecting them, and wives need respect and honor, not just affection, sympathy, and tenderness. On the flip side, you CAN respect someone without loving them, and that's not what husbands need. Men also need affection, tenderness, and understanding. I frequently felt like the author attributed all of men's emotional needs to the tough-sounding smokescreen of "respect" when a need for love was more suited to the example at hand.
In addition to this false dichotomy, the author also relies heavily on gender-based stereotypes, referring to the differences between women and men by talking about "Pink and Blue." This is pervasive throughout the book, and I found it extremely shallow, restrictive, and sometimes insulting. At times, the author's generalizations apply broadly, addressing typical differences that people observe between men and women across cultures. Other times, his generalizations are offensively stereotypical, and he rarely gives caveats for the many men and women who don't act or think like the examples he gives. For example, men are not all insensitive clods with no relational skids, and women are not all gushing, emotional creatures with no analytical skills. When people do act like that, this is the outworking of their immaturity, and they need to learn and grow, not justify their behavior as part of being a man or a woman.
This book also frequently feels like an infomercial for the author's other work, constantly emphasizing his other writings and his conferences. He shares examples from grateful emails he has received, and even though this sometimes feels like genuine engagement with his audience, there were times when I felt like he was sharing pull quotes as blurbs to advertise his work.
My other concern is that this book isn't appropriate for people in abusive or borderline abusive marriages. Eggerichs repeatedly reminds his readers that the Love & Respect system is not a guarantee, and he teaches that you are responsible for your own behavior before God, regardless how your spouse reciprocates. This is an important message, but Eggerichs doesn't engage at all with the reality of abuse dynamics.
The general assumption is that if you love or respect your spouse, then they will naturally treat you better as a result. The author says this isn't a guarantee, but he doesn't offer any advice or encouragement for people who have discovered in real life that their spouse won't reciprocate any investment of better behavior.
Eggerichs encourages people to assume that their spouse has goodwill towards them, instead of always assuming that their spouse's negative behaviors are intended to be spiteful. This is good advice for people who are dealing with garden variety marriage problems, but that does not apply to hostile, destructive marriages where an abusive partner doesn't reciprocate love and respect, or even uses their partner's more Christlike behavior as an opportunity to trample on them more.
There is nothing in this book about how to set healthy boundaries with a spouse who is harming you, and there is no real acknowledgement of the reality of abuse. The concept only gets mentioned a few times, and it's usually undermined, like in this case: "Or when a husband reacts negatively because he is feeling disrespected, a groupthink-influenced wife could just write him off as childish, narcissistic, chauvinistic, or even abusive, instead of seeking God's help to dig beneath the surface to discover what is wrong. Result: he will feel even more disrespected!" Sure, but what if your husband really is abusive?
What Eggerichs describes here is real. There are women who jump to conclusions and give their friends bad advice, assuming that a boyfriend or husband is an abusive jerk when they don't really understand the situation. However, it is irresponsible for him to represent this perspective without also acknowledging that abuse is real, that it happens within Christian marriages, and that you don't have to enable an abuser by keeping silent about the abuse and trying to "respect" him more or "love" her more, as if that will change them.
Overall, even though this book shares really good advice at times, I don't recommend it. It is better than the 2004 original, since the author has softened and adapted some of his ideas over time, but this book still involves a lot of stereotypes, false dichotomies, and unhelpful assumptions, and does not acknowledge the reality of abuse. If someone is looking for a couple's devotional, they are better off looking for a different book that takes Scripture as the foundation, and if someone is looking for marriage advice, there are better books on the market that are less stereotyped and more comprehensive.
I received a free copy from the publisher through Amazon Vine in exchange for an honest review.
January 21, 2024
Speaking from experience, it's difficult to find a devotion that speaks truth to both husbands and wives. Right from the start, the book outlines why devotions can be harder for husbands to hear than wives, and this makes sense to me. It suggests that husbands and wives read the book separately and then discuss what they've read a few times per week. I agree with this approach because it takes some pressure off men to feel that their wives are trying to "fix" them.
The devotions are short and practical. If you've read the original Love and Respect book, the concepts will make sense to you. Even if you haven't read that book, you'll gain much insight into the basic differences between how men and women think and communicate.
I saw all of the dynamics in this book play out in my own marriage experience, and I think they would ring true in most marriages. The truths are hard-hitting but delivered in a sensible voice, not a condemning one. These truths can revolutionize your relationship if you both apply them to your personal dynamics, and also to your marriage dynamics.
I believe if more couples applied the concepts in this devotional, marriages would be stronger and more able to stand the test of time. Marriage takes hard work and commitment to each other based on biblical principles, and this book lays out a plan of action. I agree with the plan and know if more people would put it into action, more marriages could be saved from apathy and destruction.
The devotions are short and practical. If you've read the original Love and Respect book, the concepts will make sense to you. Even if you haven't read that book, you'll gain much insight into the basic differences between how men and women think and communicate.
I saw all of the dynamics in this book play out in my own marriage experience, and I think they would ring true in most marriages. The truths are hard-hitting but delivered in a sensible voice, not a condemning one. These truths can revolutionize your relationship if you both apply them to your personal dynamics, and also to your marriage dynamics.
I believe if more couples applied the concepts in this devotional, marriages would be stronger and more able to stand the test of time. Marriage takes hard work and commitment to each other based on biblical principles, and this book lays out a plan of action. I agree with the plan and know if more people would put it into action, more marriages could be saved from apathy and destruction.
January 7, 2024
anyone with faith in spirituality ahould read this book regardless of yoir religion
Openede my mind and especially helped me look t my inside for my defects not my partners, always basing goodwill
Openede my mind and especially helped me look t my inside for my defects not my partners, always basing goodwill
November 20, 2024
I cannot recommend all things Love & Respect enough! Loved the Bible study, loved the books, loved the devotional! The Bible study (available on YouTube) was truly eye-opening for us. The whole concept can level up your marriage. 100% worth the investment. Read it!!!
December 10, 2023
I won this book in a Goodreads contest. It was very enlightening. I've been married for 30 yrs and can relate to the fact it does take love and respect and devotion to make it work.
December 23, 2024
Great weekly accompaniment to their book. Worth a read and re-read.
January 20, 2025
Video Book Review of The Love and Respect DevotionalA devotional for married couples are hard to get right. You're talking to two people and you're looking to make applications for people all through the spectrum of marriage highs and lows. With this book, it feels like most of it is talking to people in only the lows. The first month is pretty much talking to people who only bought the devotional as a "we need help" rather than a couple wanting a biblically based marriage devotional. So this tends to skew more "self-help" than "devotional". It also skews more of a sales pitch to a system and other books from the author. He does offer a summary of his system in the back of the book so this can be read without it but the implications of the other book are pointed at strongly.
For a devotional this is too inward focused and not enough (note I'm not saying it's fully lacking) an upward, God-ward perspective. Final Grade - D
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews