Sad Monsters: Growling on the Outside, Crying on the Inside

by Frank Lesser, Willie Real (Illustrator)

An Emmy Award-winning writer for The Colbert Report follows in the (big) footsteps of I Not Dead.

Monsters have it tough. Besides being deeply misunderstood, they suffer from very real Mummies have body image issues, Godzilla is going through an existential crisis, and creatures from the black lagoon face discrimination from creatures from the white lagoon. At heart, these monsters are human; after all, you are what you eat. Quirkily illustrated, Sad Monsters hilariously documents the trials and tribulations of all the undead creatures monster-mad readers have grown to love, from vampires and werewolves, to chupacabras and sphinxes, and even claw-footed bathtubs.

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Short Stories, Fantasy, Paranormal, Vampires, Supernatural

192 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 27, 2011

Reviews

[karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is a book in which there are moments of hilarity, but also a lot of filler.

we never consider the plight of the leprechaun the morning after st patrick's day, or how hard it is for a teenage banshee to make friends when she can always tell who is going to die and makes no secret about it. or how the chupacabra suffers from the reduction of his being to one facet of his lifestyle. "you suck one goat..." it is a cute premise, but sometimes it feels a little strained, despite being a tiny little throwaway book. (not that anyone should ever throw away a book - that is just a figure of speech)

there are some standouts:

his fangs just aren't that into you wasn't great, but i appreciated that it went into the silliness of an undead centuries-old creature dating a high-school aged girl.

the joy of unicorns is also good, but only because it is about unicorns,which are inherently awesome, and because it is very informative:

every time a unicorn laughs, an angel has tender sexual intercourse on her wedding night. and nine months later, a rainbow is born

the passive-aggressive monster in the closet. i don't know - i laughed at this one, but it is probably because i am stupid.

night of the living is about two innocent zombies having a picnic, until they are overrun by pottery-barn-loving humans with the power to turn them into...monsters...

crypto-racism had some giggles about the danger of chupacabras coming here and taking all our cryptozoology sightings... and the damn narnians....

the partisan case of dr. jeckyll and mr. hyde - again - this one amused me, but it might have just been because of:

in my uncouth state, i seem to have developed a distaste for science, heretofore my life's passion, as i also smashed my laboratory equipment, then used a shattered stick of titanium dioxide to write across the lab walls the puzzling words, "suck it, nerd."

heh. nerds.

gremlin owner's manual. pretty much what you would expect, but it made me giggle. seriously - worst pet ever. you think it's hard raising a kid? try a mogwai out.

rule no. 10: i'll level with you. you can pretty much assume that at some point your mogwai is going to turn into a gremlin (the preferred term for this transition is "gremlinate" or "engremlin") let's face it, mogwais should really be renamed pre-gremlins. so let's assume your pet gremlinates - that brings us to rule no. 10, which is kill your gremlin. this may be tough if you bonded with your pet in the few hours you played with him before you inevitably broke one of the rules.

so sad.

new york art show massacre. this one i would love to actually see come to pass. performance art taken to even higher levels of horror. i feel like there should be a japanese horror movie based on this premise.

dr. van helsing's patient notes. this is another one-joke pony, but again - i am stupid, so i was amused.

seeing other dead people explores what happens to a relationship after a successful suicide pact gets in the way, and eternity starts to feel endless.

kids slay the darndest things. creepy dolls. say no more.

the roommate of dorian gray was probably my favorite. leering artwork, opium pipes and pistols and waistcoats scattered about, endless witticisms - all way worse roommate-code breakers than not putting the seat down on the toilet.

but to sleep, perchance to drain: a suicide note from a claw-foot bathtub?? does that count as a monster? i feel like that was just padding, dude.

and there are plenty of other not-very-successful ones. but it's definitely worth a skim-through. and if you are stupid like me, you will probably laugh at least once. you're no unicorn, so it won't be birthing a rainbow, but laughing is still pretty rad, right? (the kids are still saying "rad," right?)

thanks to jasmine for letting me borrow this, because i thought the cover was cute, (although the internal illustrations are not)and my first impulse is always to buy buy buy, because i am a fantastic american, and i did not win it through firstreads, but this isn't really a book i need to have cluttering up my bookshelves...erm...piles, and now i have read it and feel content.

[Tammie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book on Goodreads and really enjoyed it. It's a very short book (may take an hour or two to read) but very enjoyable and funny. There is a wide-range of monsters in the book and short stories on the various issues they face. Very funny!

[Cassandra Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

ORIGINALLY POSTED: https://bibliomantics.com/2017/03/12/...

Former The Colbert Report writer Frank Lesser takes on monsters great and small with his satirical short stories ranging from Godzilla’s diary entries to a class-action lawsuit against King Kong, a racist Bigfoot and a Gremlin owner’s manual. Even though not every story is successful, this collection’s strength lies in its creativity.

[Tamara · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF'd.

Not necessarily because it was bad- because there were a few really entertaining stories- but more because of the amount of stories that WEREN'T entertaining.

[Christina (A Reader of Fictions) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book consists of forty brief vignettes about various monsters, some of whom are, as the title implies, sad. Not every monster cries himself to sleep at night, though; some quite enjoy their lives of monstrosity. Most of them have romantic problems. It's not easy to be a monster on the prowl in the dating sense, what with also prowling in the nomming sense

It may interest you to know that the author, Frank Lesser, writes for The Colbert Report. This sets some pretty high standards for the book to follow. Thankfully, Sad Monsters was just what I hoped it would be. Puns and irony abound, along with some cute postmodernism (ain't that reevaluation of that monster and his secret pain just precious?).

You get a really wide range of monsters in here. Lesser definitely isn't sticking only to the most popular (zombies, werewolves, vampires). Some of my favorite vignettes were Godzilla wondering what the point of all the stomping is (also, did you know that Godzilla likes M*A*S*H as much as I do?), formerly people-munching diets going vegan or carb-free, peaceful zombies being chased by humans, unsuccessful monsters like Count Macula (who just might work at my office) and Igor's résumé. Pretty much each of the little stories will make you bust out laughing, snort, groan or teehee.

Reading Sad Monsters takes somewhere around an hour. This is an estimate, since I read multiple books at one time; suffice it to say that it is quite short. I feel like this is an excellent book to pull out to amuse your friends with or to buy quirky friends for Christmas (don't know what to get them but know they love Colbert style humor?). Plus, how cute is that monster on the cover!?!

[Stay Fetters · Rating 2 out of 5]

Regrettable is the exact word Im looking for. Disappointing and sure as hell not funny.
Super excited to read this because it's written by someone who wrote for Colbert and that show is hilarious. This one fell fast down the rabbit hole and never uncovered.
It had some interesting stories, but none made me laugh and most seemed like fillers. Maybe he didn't know where to go and just wung it into something he probably died at.
I'm sad to say that I wouldn't recommend this to anyone. I couldn't even finish this without tons of breaks between very short stories.
If you pick this up... God Speed!

[J · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was one of those books that I tripped over where title caught my attention and I chose to give it a try. As a result I can probably say quite well that it will be one of those more interesting titles to be included on any of my shelves.

As a result the book is a collection of stories whether they are B horror movie characters, imaginary bogeys, fantastical creatures, folkloric creatures or even those creatures that may lurk within literature. As a result each separate entry is unique in its presentation so that some show-up as guides, court transcripts, suicide letters and so much more. In this particular way the changing of subject matters and the presentation of the short stories is a refreshing change for the reader even as the reading material is somewhat bland.

I have seen that one of the shelves that is used by some people is humor but this book didn't hit any humorous moments with me. Instead for those who are interested in getting it I would just suggest it as a light read and more as a compilation of short stories to be enjoyed at one's own speed instead of a straight read-through.

[Madhumeet Kour · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hilarious read! Subtle attacks on racism and homophobia made it more interesting. The author's imagination is brilliant and truly rare.
Must read to teleport from your humane life to one full of zombies and vampires! You'll be left smiling ear to ear throughout :)

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun short stories for a Halloweeny read. :)

[Julie]

This just wasn't my thing. Oh well.

[Zahirah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Classic monsters with modern day problems. Quite funny

[Miss Bookiverse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lang und breit
Ich liebe Monster aller Art. Am besten gefallen sie mir, wenn sie ihre kuschelige Seite zeigen. Wenn man plötzlich erkennt, dass sie zwar furchteinflößend aussehen, aber innerlich ziemlich verletzt sind. Nach dieser Devise ist auch Autor Frank Lesser vorgegangen und hat in seiner Kurzgeschichtensammlung Sad Monsters die psychologische Seite der verschiedensten Kreaturen beleuchtet. Da gibt es den Yeti, der bei der Vogue arbeiten will; Godzilla, dem das Zerstören von Städten eigentlich gar keinen Spaß mehr macht oder Gehilfe Igor, der seinen Lebenslauf vorlegt.
Von Meermenschen bis zu Einhörnern und Mumien, Frank Lesser hat kaum eine Gruselgestalt ausgelassen. Die Geschichten sind alle nur wenige Seiten kurz und präsentieren sich in unterschiedlichsten Formaten. Manche sind Briefe, andere Zeitungsannoncen oder Monologe. Sogar ein Gerichtsprotokoll kann man nachlesen. Dazwischen gibt es Zeichnungen von Willie Real, die das ganze auflockern, optisch unterstützen und auch das um die 200 Seiten starke Buch füllen (dafür gibt es aber auch an die 40 Texte).

Bisher hab ich noch gar nicht erwähnt wie köstlich ich mich mit diesem Buch amüsiert habe. Zugegeben, man muss die Monster kennen oder wenigstens eine gewisse Vorstellung von ihnen haben, sonst funktionieren die meisten Texte nicht. Aber zum Glück weiß ja fast jeder ein bisschen was über Vampire, King Kong und Frankenstein.
Zu meinen Lieblingsgeschichten gehörten die Erklärung über Einhörner (und dass nur jungfräuliche Mädchen das Vergnügen eines so besonderen Freundes haben können), der Brief von Dorian Grays Mitbewohner und die Bitte des Monsters im Schrank. Ein Zitat aus letzterem:

„This is pretty awkward, so I’ll just come out and say it: Would you mind keeping the noise down a bit? It’s just that I have a different schedule from yours, and if I don’t get a full day’s sleep, I can’t properly digest your doubts and I end up with indigestion. On an unrelated note, you’ll probably want to avoid wearing your dress shoes. Someone threw up in them.”
- aus The Passive-Aggressive Monster In The Closet,
S. 53, Sad Monsters

Kurz und knapp
Sad Monsters ist eine unheimlich amüsante Textsammlung, die mal eine ganz andere Seite des Monsterseins beleuchtet. Dabei geht der Autor auf viele Klischees ein – man muss also ein bisschen Monsterkenntnis besitzen – verbindet diese aber mit einem psychologischen Hintergrund und erschafft so etwas Originelles. Gut für die Lachmuskeln und dank der Kürze auch mit Freunden genießbar.

[Tiara walls · Rating 3 out of 5]

An adorable book about Sad Monsters. Some legendary alongside others who just couldn't make the cut. I found myself laughing at many of the stories. personal favorite ;St. Patrick Morning After

[Jasmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't actually tell you why I'm giving this 4 stars, I actually have a weird urge to give it three (see josh it's not only blueprints of the afterlife) I'm just being very judgmental about my books, I think as I always am at the beginning of the year (no I'm not kidding the first 6 months of the year I believe I underrate books and the last few months I over inflate ratings. I can't prove this but I'm pretty sure it happens. I think maybe at the beginning of the year I'm leaving room for something to really impress me, but at the end I'm like, well these are better than a lot of books I've read this year.)

I'm stalling because this isn't a book I am going to review well, this is a book karen is going to review well, which you will all get to see after I bring her the book on thursday. yay! it's a book that needs to be quoted to be appreciated, it's sweet and cute and puny. and it's just everything you could want from short stories about monsters.

opening to a random page:
"Remember, these aren't rules just guidelines. Each werewolf is as unique as the obituaries attempting to explain the strange deaths of his victims.
However, almost all werewolves tend to be extremely "frisky". It's bad enough when a pet tries to hump your leg, but it's even worse when he tries to sever it first."

[Jarrod · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you were a fan of Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report”, like me, and you’re a fan of monsters, also like me, then this book is for you. In Frank Lesser’s very funny send up of mostly well-known monster tropes, I can almost hear Stephen Colbert’s voice in any number of wickedly funny moments from his show. Lesser, and many other brilliant comedy writers, brought that character to life and to a soaring level of comedic genius over those unforgettable years from 2005 to 2014.
So yes, a wonderfully and wickedly satirical little book of monsters that are sad and complicated and just like us.

[Sasha · Rating 3 out of 5]

it's very cute, especially the story about the existential godzilla who somehow makes do with mothra's company, the zombie cornered by the deadly humans who want to shake her hand, and the suicidal claw-foot bath tub. Other stories (like the christian mer-people) are a little too gimmicky with too many puns (Mer-Jesus, forgive us for our fins? Really?), but I couldn't hold it too much against good old Frank. Overall, read it on a rainy day when you don't want to clean up that laundry pile in your closet.

[★ K ★ [In a slump but still here!] · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking forward to reading this book when I saw the cute and quirky cover and illustrations, but those were about the only things I ended up liking about it! A couple of stories were bearable and may have even wrenched a smile out of me, but the others were just filler and I found myself skipping the dullest parts (a sizeable chunk of the book).

As someone else has already pointed out, the writing style stayed pretty much the same across every single story. The book would likely have been better if several writers had collaborated to bring a unique voice to each monster.

[Ian Roditi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Godzilla leyendo a Sartre y cuestionando su existencia.

Una banshee puberta sufriendo por no poder salir con nadie

Una puberta vengandose de un vampiro que la botó.

Un mundo donde los zombies huyen de los humanos, para que no los transformen.

Y el roomie de Dorian Gray.

Entre otros cuentos este librito es muy muy gracioso, a veces muy gracioso y a veces sólo gracioso. Pero indudablemente, si te gustan los mounstros, te va a gustar.

[Bitchin' Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this a couple years ago, so I can't give you specific moments that I liked and didn't like.

I can tell you this: it is a silly read, casting each monster in a new light--more innocent and wanting affection, wanting to be understood. I enjoyed it but will never read it again; it isn't the type of book that you'll want to go back to many times, since it isn't telling a tale like a novel.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely adorable! This book is basically a bunch of short vignettes/stories about monsters and their problems -- unrequited love, depression, suicidal tendencies, etc. The stories are short and sweet, and very very funny. Definitely not a children's book.

[William Clemens · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of this was really funny and made me laugh out loud, all the relationship epistles got old really fast though. Seemed more like sad author than sad monsters in those. Overall it was cute with nice pictures but not life changing or really anything I will remember

[Jamie Dacyczyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mildly entertaining, but would have been better to pick a few monsters to create deeper stories for each one.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

My coworker Frank Lesser wrote a very funny book about the two things he knows best-- monsters and neuroses.

[Jay · Rating 3 out of 5]

not the type of book I'd normally read, but it was cute and more clever than I'd expected. I think 'The t
roommate of Dorian Gray' was my favorite story.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun read. I can tell he writes for Stephen Colbert, I swear their were parts of this I read in Stephens voice. Very funny.

[Permies.world · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun book. Not laugh-out-loud funny. More of a "funny in a very twisted, 'who thinks like this?'" way. Light, quick read. I enjoyed it.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

An amusing collection of stories centered on various mythical beings. Some are hits, some are misses, but overall this was a fun book.

[Ana · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you want short, fun, lighthearted, politically correct bed-time stories, this is a good book for you.

[Mimi · Rating 3 out of 5]

A light and quick read about monsters great and small! Each monster's chapter ranges from two to five pages in length and we hear about all their laments on how they are perceived by the modern world. Some of the chapters are rather funny, some are quirky, and some are just pathetic. In one, a ghost complains to his former girlfriend ghost who is now dating the Headless Horseman; how do they communicate since he has no head, no mouth, no eyes, etc? There's a racist Bigfoot who complains about illegal immigration of Chupacabras who sneak across the border from Mexico. In "The Joy of Unicorns" it tells how unicorns

love puns, and every time a unicorn laughs, an angel has tender sexual intercourse on her wedding night. And nine months later, a rainbow is born!

Something short and amusing to read between books.

[Kaden Herchenroether · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author is a genius. His variety of humor was so enlightening, as well as his knowledge of monsters. I was originally drawn in by the fact that I truly wanted to understand where monsters were coming from, and I continued reading when I realized they were coming from more places than simply under the bed.

This book was imaginative and simple, but shockingly different from everything I have previously read. Godzilla in a midlife crisis, unicorn best friends, leprechaun raunchiness, gay Frankenstein, and more and more and more. It was fun but it got a little repetitive after a while. I could recognize all of the fillers. But apart from that, it was really cute, and a bit sad too.