I Think I'm Falling Apart

by Chris Dietzel

Why did she die? How much did I really know her?

These are the questions Benny asks himself after finding Staci in the bathtub with her wrists slit. He spirals into a bout of depression.

Two weeks later, she reappears as if nothing happened. But only for one night, and then she’s gone again. Two weeks later, it happens again, forcing Benny to ask himself a new set of questions.

Did Staci kill herself, or was she murdered? Am I traveling back in time, or am going crazy?

Gone Girl meets The Time Traveler’s Wife in this genre-bending tale by the best-selling author of The Man Who Watched The World End .

Advanced Praise:
“ Stick with it to the plot twist and then you won’t want it to end .” -- A Feast of Books
“ Not really a book as much as it is an experience. So freaking haunting .” -- GoogBlog
“ It is 'Gone Girl meets the Time Traveler’s Wife,' but through the eyes of Haruki Murakami .” -- Dancing Letters
“ Even after reading it, I’m not sure if this was science fiction or psychological suspense. I can’t stop thinking about this story .” -- Ronald Prince

Genres: Fiction

361 pages, Paperback

Published March 1, 2023

About the author

Chris graduated from Western Maryland College (McDaniel College). He currently lives in Florida. His dream is to write the same kind of stories that have inspired him over the years.

Sign up for his mailing list to receive updates on future projects and some neat freebies: http://chrisdietzel.com/mailing_list/

In his free time, Chris volunteers for a Trap-Neuter-Release (TNR) program for feral cats. (If you would like more information on how best to care for abandoned and feral cats in your neighborhood, please check out the Alley Cat Allies website at: http://www.alleycat.org/)

Dietzel is a huge fan of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) and mixed martial arts (MMA). He trained in BJJ for ten years, earning the rank of brown belt, and went 2-0 in amateur MMA fights before an injury ended his participation in contact sports.

It is incredibly difficult for new authors to gain an audience. If you read one of his books and enjoyed it, please recommend it to anyone else you think may like them.

Reviews

[Norma · Rating 5 out of 5]

( Format : e-book )
"I'm actually a prolific reader."
Wow: now that was a surprise.
Eugene, known as Benny, recounts in the first person, the love story of his time with his soul twin, Staci. A very different love story which I totally fail to categorise. It's compelling, fascinating and will stay with me well into the future. The writing style holds the reader in the intensity of the present but even without constant activity, there is a sense of movement. But where?
A quick read. An easy read? I guess that depends on the reader.
Intriguing? most definitely.

[Ron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Benny a computer programmer who works for large corporation involved in government contracts.
Arrives home to find his girlfriend Staci dead in the bath with her wrists slit.
His whole world comes crashing down as he waits for the police and paramedics to arrive.
We follow Benny as he tries to figure out what caused the love of his life to end it.
Through a series of flash backs detailing his early life and how he met Staci. Along with Staci appearing back in his home is he time travelling or hallucinating as she is gone in the morning.
This is a heart wrenching story as Benny tries to cope with his loss.
The ending is truly brilliant

[Barracuda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had no idea what to expect from this but it blew me away. I don't think I could force it into a single genre. It really is part sci fi, part mystery, and part suspense.

[Luisa Gonzalez · Rating 2 out of 5]

I fell apart

I didn't think the title was encouraging, but I'm an optimistic so I got and read it. If you're looking for a very depressing read that will leave you feeling miserable then go ahead. I wish I've given it a pass

[Mike]

Didn’t really work for me I’m afraid

[Kathi · Rating 3 out of 5]

6/10
Certainly the mystery in this book is more than just “why did Staci kill herself?”. Like did she even exist outside of Benny’s mind? It’s a bit too coincidental for Benny to date Stacy, Stacee (although their one encounter was not really a date—did that even happen?), and then Staci. The man Benny confronted who supposedly was Staci’s boss genuinely didn’t seem to know who Benny was even talking about. Benny was pretty delusional about his screenplays, too, and the likelihood of them being accepted by a studio or agent or his chances of being a director/producer. Still, there were clothes in the dresser and a car in the garage, so maybe she did exist. But there was no follow-up with him after her apparent suicide. I liked the poem that Staci’s high school friend wrote. Did Benny have a mental illness—schizophrenia maybe? Or was it real that he was traveling in time? And yes, I think he dies by suicide in the end.

Another reader/reviewer said there were clues to what was really going on in the book titles that Benny & Staci were reading, but I didn’t go back and check that out. The book wasn’t compelling enough for me to make that effort.

[Michael Muntisov · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very well written novel which follows the tortuous introspective journey of the main character Benny, after he finds his girlfriend Staci dead by suicide in their bathtub. The thought processes and emotions ring true and draw the reader into the story. The story never lags with interesting twists that challenge us to wonder whether Benny is hallucinating or not.
This is not an easy story to tell in a compelling way, but the author does an outstanding job.
The only downside for me was the ending seemed rushed.
Don’t let the apparent subject put you off. I highly recommend this novel.

[Tomyris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow.

So many questions.

Coming from reading his De-Evolution series, I'd say Chris Dietzel excels in writing engaging minutiae. This novel abounds in the kind of lyrical inaction of the De-Evolution, applied to the more mundane setting of the aftermath of a suicide. Most of the action of the story has happened before the story starts, and is retold through the lens of Benny/Eugene's experience of those events. Not a lot happens in the story, and the little that does is merely a reflection of past events - but by God you feel it happening.

Benny/Eugene spends most of the story trying to figure out why Staci killed herself, trying to prevent it through Staci's occasional re-appearances, while processing his own grief. The detail of their lives together seems ... static: Benny and Staci are perfect for each other, sharing all the same interests and activities and even the same employer; they are both unsocial, preferring to spend their time together reading the same books - there are no nights out, no friends, no dinners with work colleagues, no holidays, and they've never even met each others' parents. They both hate their jobs, but never do more than briefly mention changing their lives. In some respects, Staci's suicide seems to trigger Benny to make positive changes, by pursuing his childhood dream. Unfortunately, this goes nowhere, and we leave Benny climbing into the bathtub where he found Staci's body.

Is he committing suicide too? Or will he follow through on leaving his job to concentrate on writing or opening an ice cream shop or moving to Italy? Will he reply to Stacy with a Y? What are the pink dots?

For me, the real questions are ... did Staci ever exist in the first place? Is this the final installation of the De-Evolution of Benny, a four-year plus disintegration from his breakup with Stacy with a Y?

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book from the author. I had the opportunity to review or not.

How do you explain this book? You don’t. I highly recommend you read this book with an open, inquisitive mind. Chris Dieztel is a master at psychological mystery and messing with your head.

Benny has lost the love of his life, his soul mate, his dream companion, Staci. He came home from work to found she had committed suicide in the bathtub. From that moment on, Benny tries to find a way to live without her.

Then the author’s imagination takes the reader on a wild ride. When Staci returns home unexpectedly, but is nowhere to be found in the morning, Benny questions the experience. He is devastated by her loss – again sending Benny on a path of self-destruction as he attempts to force her return. Or is he on a path of recovery? Will he learn to live a full life without her? Get the book and read it. It is a remarkable work.

[Bobi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chris is master what few authors can do, write a book with one character, with minimal contact of anyone outside themselves, and it is completely engaging. This time, he presents us with man who has suffered a tragedy and is trying to understand how this could have happened. I read the ARC, raced through the 1st read, had to know, tore through the book. The 2nd reading, I took my time. Both reads were incredible. I found the clues, the 2nd time. They are everywhere. I looked up the books that were being read by the character. I felt like I was putting together a jigsaw puzzle, really well done. I don't want to give away any spoilers. So please, take the time to enjoy this great story.

[Philip Hunt · Rating 2 out of 5]

First. Dietzel can write well. But this dreary tale is a waste of talent. The story is sad and tragic from page one to the end. There are plot twists about one-third and two-thirds of the way through, but their potential lies dormant. I needed to turn on my disbelief suspension filter to trudge on to the end. And when I got there, I felt cheated.

[Toni · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received an advanced copy of this book in exchange for a fair review. While the writer had some skill and built an intriguing story, I agree with others who said they wished they'd given it a pass. Very unsatisfying ending, too many loose threads.

[Ellen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn't live up to its first third

I loved the first third of the book for its humor and interesting plot but then everything seemed to go downhill. It got repetitive and verbose. Other books by this author, The Great Devolution Collection, are much better.

[Thomas J. · Rating 1 out of 5]

Pathetic protagonist. Opinionated author, and not in a good way. Don’t waste your time. I wish I hadn’t.

[Virginia · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.